1
00:00:00,575 --> 00:00:03,054
He said picking up litter
was the best time of his life.

2
00:00:03,055 --> 00:00:05,214
That demonstrates
his rather low expectations.

3
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,134
I never said that about the litter.

4
00:00:08,135 --> 00:00:10,134
Where did you get that?
The guy in the mask.

5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,694
Who is he?
It's you.

6
00:00:12,695 --> 00:00:15,934
It's over. No more community service.

7
00:00:15,935 --> 00:00:18,894
And I have no job,
no money, no girlfriend.

8
00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:21,134
OK, so I'm immortal...

9
00:00:21,135 --> 00:00:24,294
but other than that I've basically
got fuck all going for me.

10
00:00:24,295 --> 00:00:25,734
Does anyone fancy a drink?

11
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,774
Yeah, sure, man.

12
00:00:27,775 --> 00:00:30,414
You know, apart from all
the killing and the dying and stuff,

13
00:00:30,415 --> 00:00:34,414
it really wasn't as bad
as I thought it was going to be.

14
00:00:39,215 --> 00:00:43,214
# EELS: Christmas Is
Going To The Dogs

15
00:00:47,855 --> 00:00:50,814
# Get off your sled, and go to bed

16
00:00:50,815 --> 00:00:53,614
# Don't you ever tire?

17
00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:56,694
# Throw a bone, I'm finally home

18
00:00:56,695 --> 00:00:59,414
# Curled up by the fire

19
00:00:59,415 --> 00:01:01,894
# Snow is fallin' from the sky

20
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,294
# Like ashes from an urn

21
00:01:05,295 --> 00:01:07,934
# Sweet dreams, my little one... #

22
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,414
What a loser.

23
00:01:09,415 --> 00:01:11,014
# Now it's my turn... #

24
00:01:11,015 --> 00:01:13,094
Fuck you!

25
00:01:13,095 --> 00:01:17,094
# Well, Christmas
is going to the dogs... #

26
00:01:20,215 --> 00:01:24,214
Ah! Merry Christmas, little fella!

27
00:01:28,735 --> 00:01:30,974
Hey, I'm not a paedophile!

28
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:34,094
Yeah... Ah... Ah... Ah...

29
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,294
Oh! No! No...

30
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:40,294
Oh, shit!

31
00:01:47,855 --> 00:01:51,854
# And Christmas is going to the dogs

32
00:01:53,535 --> 00:01:57,534
# We're scarfin' down the turkey
and eggnog

33
00:01:59,535 --> 00:02:03,534
# And things aren't looking
very good, it's true

34
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:09,334
# So I'll just lay here, and chew

35
00:02:11,175 --> 00:02:15,094
# So I'll just stay here

36
00:02:15,095 --> 00:02:19,094
# And chew #

37
00:02:35,935 --> 00:02:37,574
# The city breathing

38
00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:39,414
# The people churning

39
00:02:39,415 --> 00:02:41,094
# The conversating

40
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:45,094
# The price is what?

41
00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:59,094
# The conversating

42
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,974
# This place is heaven

43
00:03:00,975 --> 00:03:04,974
# And if you see them... #

44
00:03:29,452 --> 00:03:33,451
It was crap,
he nearly came in his pants...

45
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:38,171
You should try giving him one...!
>

46
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,091
You're going to break your neck.

47
00:03:48,092 --> 00:03:50,011
I'm not pushing you around
in a wheelchair.

48
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:52,291
I have to learn sometime.

49
00:03:52,292 --> 00:03:56,131
Show me...

50
00:03:56,132 --> 00:03:59,651
You'd better do it.

51
00:03:59,652 --> 00:04:02,931
So being Santa sucks a big fat cock.

52
00:04:02,932 --> 00:04:04,891
Two pints of lager please, barmaid.

53
00:04:04,892 --> 00:04:07,331
Are you going to pay for them?
No.

54
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:11,011
Oh, come on! I've been working for
the council scraping up dog shit.

55
00:04:11,012 --> 00:04:14,691
That's thirsty work.

56
00:04:14,692 --> 00:04:17,211
So how did it all
go so right for you?

57
00:04:17,212 --> 00:04:20,251
You end up with a cool flat,
and a beautiful girlfriend?

58
00:04:20,252 --> 00:04:21,771
I think it's dead romantic, I do.

59
00:04:21,772 --> 00:04:25,771
I think I liked it better when you
suffered from a crippling shyness.

60
00:04:28,332 --> 00:04:32,331
No way! No more free drink...

61
00:04:38,932 --> 00:04:40,891
You're going to get us both sacked.

62
00:04:40,892 --> 00:04:43,811
Do you really want to spend your
life working in some shitty bar?

63
00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:44,811
No...

64
00:04:44,812 --> 00:04:48,371
Then I'm doing you a favour.
Refill!

65
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,171
This is fucking ridiculous!

66
00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:53,331
I had to walk back
from the other side of the estate.

67
00:04:53,332 --> 00:04:54,931
Are you OK?

68
00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:06,171
Want a look?!

69
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,891
I wouldn't mind.

70
00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:11,891
After all, it is nearly Christmas.

71
00:05:18,692 --> 00:05:22,331
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
That's how babies become dwarfs.

72
00:05:22,332 --> 00:05:24,531
I like dwarfs.

73
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,051
Me too. Who are you?

74
00:05:26,052 --> 00:05:28,011
I'm Marnie.

75
00:05:28,012 --> 00:05:30,691
And this baby of yours,
who's the dad?

76
00:05:30,692 --> 00:05:34,691
Depends if it's white, or black,
or Chinese or...French.

77
00:05:35,292 --> 00:05:36,811
Those brown babies are very cute.

78
00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:39,411
And I like a Chinese baby
as much as the next man.

79
00:05:39,412 --> 00:05:41,371
Me too.

80
00:05:41,372 --> 00:05:43,771
Whoever the dad is, he's not around.

81
00:05:43,772 --> 00:05:45,331
So you're all alone in the world...

82
00:05:45,332 --> 00:05:47,611
apart from the living organism
growing inside you?

83
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:51,611
Looks that way.

84
00:05:51,732 --> 00:05:53,451
We should probably go for a drink.

85
00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,051
Swap some funny stories.

86
00:05:55,052 --> 00:05:57,411
See if we have
similar tastes and interests.

87
00:05:57,412 --> 00:06:00,731
Overcome some emotional hurdles.
And have a few huge rows.

88
00:06:00,732 --> 00:06:03,291
What did you do, you stupid prick?!

89
00:06:03,292 --> 00:06:04,411
I'm sorry, baby,

90
00:06:04,412 --> 00:06:07,331
I didn't know we were exclusive -
and she had massive tits.

91
00:06:07,332 --> 00:06:08,531
It'll never happen again.

92
00:06:08,532 --> 00:06:10,211
We make up, and before you know what

93
00:06:10,212 --> 00:06:12,371
I've trapped you
in a serious relationship.

94
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,411
That would be
the conventional way to do it.

95
00:06:14,412 --> 00:06:16,891
There's just one problem.

96
00:06:16,892 --> 00:06:18,891
I can't drink.

97
00:06:18,892 --> 00:06:21,291
So...I guess we should
skip all that other stuff

98
00:06:21,292 --> 00:06:25,291
and get straight down
to the shagging.

99
00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:50,051
I don't want to poke
the baby in the eye.

100
00:06:50,052 --> 00:06:52,131
Just...do it gently.

101
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:56,131
Fuck me, Santa.

102
00:07:15,372 --> 00:07:19,371
I'm here about my power.

103
00:07:42,252 --> 00:07:46,251
Take a seat.

104
00:07:48,452 --> 00:07:51,851
So what can you do?

105
00:07:51,852 --> 00:07:54,251
Er...

106
00:07:54,252 --> 00:07:57,011
Anyone who touches me,

107
00:07:57,012 --> 00:07:58,491
they want to shag me.

108
00:07:58,492 --> 00:08:02,491
super-horny or something.

109
00:08:02,492 --> 00:08:05,931
I can see how that
would be a problem.

110
00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:09,931
How much do you want for it?

111
00:08:10,212 --> 00:08:14,211
I don't want anything,
I...just want it gone.

112
00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:18,411
Can you do that?

113
00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:23,291
That's why I'm here.

114
00:08:24,092 --> 00:08:26,211
You won't use it on anyone, will you?

115
00:08:26,212 --> 00:08:29,531
I can't use the powers
while I'm holding them.

116
00:08:29,532 --> 00:08:31,051
What will you do with it, then?

117
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:35,051
That's not your problem.

118
00:08:36,172 --> 00:08:38,251
Look...

119
00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:42,251
..I can give you your life back.

120
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:46,651
That's what you want, right? >

121
00:08:47,892 --> 00:08:51,891
Give me your hand.

122
00:09:58,132 --> 00:10:02,131
It's all there.

123
00:10:27,412 --> 00:10:31,451
Hi.
Hi.

124
00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:33,171
I don't want you to freak out...

125
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:36,651
Why would I...

126
00:10:36,652 --> 00:10:40,451
There's this guy. I went to see him.
He took my power.

127
00:10:40,452 --> 00:10:42,211
How?

128
00:10:42,212 --> 00:10:45,131
He touched me. It's gone.

129
00:10:45,132 --> 00:10:47,011
What's he going to do with it?

130
00:10:47,012 --> 00:10:48,411
I don't know.

131
00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:52,411
Doesn't matter. It's gone.

132
00:10:53,092 --> 00:10:57,091
I want to be able to touch you.

133
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:03,891
I want it to be like it was.

134
00:11:05,412 --> 00:11:09,411
We had great sex.

135
00:11:09,772 --> 00:11:13,771
I miss having sex with you.

136
00:11:15,052 --> 00:11:19,051
Kiss me.

137
00:11:20,052 --> 00:11:22,051
# ..when my baby

138
00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:26,051
# When my baby comes home

139
00:11:29,932 --> 00:11:33,051
# He said not to worry

140
00:11:33,052 --> 00:11:35,971
# Don't sit by the phone

141
00:11:35,972 --> 00:11:38,771
# Soon I'll be home, baby

142
00:11:38,772 --> 00:11:42,011
# You'll never be alone

143
00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:45,011
# I expect to see him

144
00:11:45,012 --> 00:11:47,371
# Sometime today

145
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:50,251
# I know my baby

146
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:53,491
# Is never going away... #

147
00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:58,451
Doesn't matter.

148
00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:00,811
Simon...

149
00:12:00,812 --> 00:12:04,811
..look at me.

150
00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:08,811
He was much better than me,
wasn't he?

151
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:12,811
No... It was different.

152
00:12:16,892 --> 00:12:20,451
I hate thinking about
you being with him.

153
00:12:20,452 --> 00:12:22,691
It was you!

154
00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:26,171
You're the same person.

155
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:30,171
Except he's much better than me,
isn't he?

156
00:12:36,692 --> 00:12:40,691
You'll always love him
more than you love me.

157
00:12:42,772 --> 00:12:46,771
Simon...

158
00:13:27,972 --> 00:13:31,971
How are you doing that? >

159
00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:41,491
I'm Jesus Christ...

160
00:13:41,492 --> 00:13:44,331
..and I have been reborn.

161
00:14:16,497 --> 00:14:19,016
I want to be there for you,
you and the baby.

162
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,336
Have you got any money?

163
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,376
I'm not being funny,
you look seriously poor.

164
00:14:22,377 --> 00:14:26,296
Maybe I'm a multimillionaire who just
chooses to live in the community centre.

165
00:14:26,297 --> 00:14:27,456
And are you?

166
00:14:27,457 --> 00:14:31,456
No. That would be ridiculous!

167
00:14:34,577 --> 00:14:38,576
40, 60...

168
00:14:38,977 --> 00:14:41,936
1.67. Oh!

169
00:14:41,937 --> 00:14:44,456
1.68.

170
00:14:44,457 --> 00:14:47,576
That's everything I have
in the entire world. Take it.

171
00:14:47,577 --> 00:14:50,256
I want you to have it.

172
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:54,256
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

173
00:14:54,297 --> 00:14:58,296
Actually, can I just get
50p back for a Kit-Kat?

174
00:15:02,977 --> 00:15:04,376
Oh, Jesus!

175
00:15:04,377 --> 00:15:05,576
What's wrong?

176
00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:07,696
The baby's on my bladder.
I pissed myself.

177
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:09,096
Oh. Don't worry about it.

178
00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:12,896
I've pissed and shit myself
more times than I can remember.

179
00:15:12,897 --> 00:15:16,896
Me too.

180
00:15:25,017 --> 00:15:27,576
I'll be right with you.
Hiya. You must be Barry?

181
00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:30,296
Nathan's told me so much about you.

182
00:15:34,857 --> 00:15:36,936
Phew!

183
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,776
Who's she?

184
00:15:38,777 --> 00:15:40,256
He took her power.

185
00:15:40,257 --> 00:15:42,376
So how much did she get for it?

186
00:15:42,377 --> 00:15:44,896
Nothing.
She wanted to get rid of it.

187
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:46,536
She can touch people.

188
00:15:46,537 --> 00:15:50,536
I can touch her.

189
00:15:51,657 --> 00:15:52,696
We had sex.

190
00:15:52,697 --> 00:15:56,696
Ah! So you finally get to
sample the goods, and they're...

191
00:15:58,377 --> 00:16:00,376
Not as advertised?

192
00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:04,176
Is she one of those girls with really
long pubes, down to her knees?

193
00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,016
No.

194
00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:06,816
No.
Has she got an extroverted vagina?

195
00:16:06,817 --> 00:16:09,296
Because they can fix that
in an operation, man!

196
00:16:09,297 --> 00:16:10,616
I was shit.

197
00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,016
Oh!

198
00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:15,696
So you're after some sex tips
from a far more experienced lover!

199
00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:16,896
Two words.

200
00:16:16,897 --> 00:16:18,816
Fisherman's Friend.

201
00:16:18,817 --> 00:16:21,096
Isn't that a cough sweet?

202
00:16:21,097 --> 00:16:24,616
You pop one of those bad boys in your
mouth and then you head due south

203
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,896
and you pleasure her, orally.

204
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:30,296
And it's the menthol.
She'll feel like her pussy's on fire.

205
00:16:30,297 --> 00:16:32,096
Huh?

206
00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:36,016
Ah, I always keep some on me,
just in case I'm required to perform.

207
00:16:36,017 --> 00:16:37,616
Go on.

208
00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:38,856
That's for you.

209
00:16:38,857 --> 00:16:42,856
I think that young lady is going
to have a very merry Christmas!

210
00:16:44,297 --> 00:16:46,096
I'll tell you something else, man,

211
00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:50,096
if the girl's pregnant,
it makes the baby kick like a nutter!

212
00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:56,736
See you, man.

213
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:07,816
Hi.

214
00:17:15,977 --> 00:17:17,616
So, what have you got?

215
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:19,496
Immortality.

216
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:23,496
So that's off the A list.

217
00:17:25,537 --> 00:17:27,416
How much d'you want for it?

218
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,696
I will not settle for a penny less...

219
00:17:29,697 --> 00:17:33,696
than one million pounds.

220
00:17:34,177 --> 00:17:38,176
# EARTHA KITT: Santa, Baby

221
00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:44,736
What's this?

222
00:17:44,737 --> 00:17:48,136
That's two grand,
for you and the baby.

223
00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:52,016
Yeah, it should've been more, but I
got really beaten down on the price.

224
00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:53,616
How did you get it?

225
00:17:53,617 --> 00:17:55,856
Did you suck off
some fat German tourist?

226
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:59,856
No! No. I sold my immortality.

227
00:18:00,617 --> 00:18:01,976
What?

228
00:18:01,977 --> 00:18:05,976
It's a long and
totally ridiculous story.

229
00:18:06,057 --> 00:18:10,056
I am here to help you change your
life today, right now, this moment.

230
00:18:10,897 --> 00:18:13,736
I know what it's like
living on this estate.

231
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:16,896
I know what it's like to feel
disappointment, to feel pain,

232
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,736
to feel angry...
What's all this?

233
00:18:18,737 --> 00:18:21,096
Our Lord, Jesus Christ,
has risen again.

234
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:22,176
Right.

235
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:23,896
Good for him.

236
00:18:23,897 --> 00:18:26,536
- It's nice he's come back in time
for Christmas. - Yeah.

237
00:18:26,537 --> 00:18:30,216
I promise I will change your lives
forever, this day, this moment.

238
00:18:30,217 --> 00:18:32,856
Give us the money. Do it!

239
00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:35,776
I know what it's like to...

240
00:18:35,777 --> 00:18:39,496
Did no-one ever tell you
that stealing is a sin?

241
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:42,256
Who are you?
I'm Jesus Christ.

242
00:18:42,257 --> 00:18:49,096
- Yeah? Well, I need to score, so you're
getting robbed. - I don't think so.

243
00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:04,136
It's another miracle!

244
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:08,096
You need to do
some serious repenting.

245
00:19:08,097 --> 00:19:10,896
If you wish to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven,

246
00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:14,896
you must give generously, so that
we can spread the word of our Lord.

247
00:19:17,577 --> 00:19:21,576
Spread.

248
00:19:35,097 --> 00:19:37,896
It's so weird that I can do this.

249
00:19:37,897 --> 00:19:39,376
How does it feel?

250
00:19:39,377 --> 00:19:42,776
It's so nice not to have
to think about it anymore.

251
00:19:42,777 --> 00:19:44,616
Maybe we'd all be better off
without them.

252
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,696
What're you saying?

253
00:19:45,697 --> 00:19:49,616
I'm saying this random teleporting
all over the place,

254
00:19:49,617 --> 00:19:51,256
it's a pain in the arse.

255
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,616
What has any of us
actually achieved with our powers?

256
00:19:53,617 --> 00:19:55,256
Apart from saving all our lives?

257
00:19:55,257 --> 00:19:57,536
We wouldn't need saving
if it wasn't for the powers.

258
00:19:57,537 --> 00:19:59,496
We don't need to be caught up
in this bullshit.

259
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:03,016
D'you think it's all right
to just flog our powers like that?

260
00:20:03,017 --> 00:20:05,536
I don't know if you've noticed, but
we're not exactly living the dream.

261
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,336
You always hated hearing
what people thought about you.

262
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,736
That's because most people
are two-faced dickheads.

263
00:20:09,737 --> 00:20:11,296
I think we should see this guy.

264
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:15,296
See how much he offers us.

265
00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:22,096
Look, it's worth
having a conversation.

266
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:28,056
All right.

267
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:40,056
What're you doing here?

268
00:20:40,057 --> 00:20:42,136
I wanted to know what he was doing
with the powers. Why are you here?

269
00:20:42,137 --> 00:20:44,576
20 fucking grand!

270
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,976
You sold your powers?

271
00:20:45,977 --> 00:20:46,976
Yeah, mate.

272
00:20:46,977 --> 00:20:50,176
Yeah, mate. You shouldn't be doing this.
We were given them for a reason.

273
00:20:50,177 --> 00:20:50,656
And what reason's that?

274
00:20:50,657 --> 00:20:53,496
- And what reason's that? - I'll give you
20,000 reasons for getting rid of 'em.

275
00:20:53,497 --> 00:20:54,816
It's like in Superman II,

276
00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:58,056
when Superman gives up his powers
so he could be with Lois Lane.

277
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,536
And?

278
00:20:59,537 --> 00:21:01,056
General Zod took over the world!

279
00:21:01,057 --> 00:21:03,736
That's totally relevant,
except there ain't no General Zod,

280
00:21:03,737 --> 00:21:06,656
and that's 20,000.

281
00:21:06,657 --> 00:21:10,656
Later.

282
00:21:11,777 --> 00:21:14,056
I just want us
to be a normal couple.

283
00:21:14,057 --> 00:21:16,376
I don't think we ever can be.

284
00:21:16,377 --> 00:21:19,656
Yeah, but...
You don't need to be invisible.

285
00:21:19,657 --> 00:21:22,296
You're not that person anymore.

286
00:21:22,297 --> 00:21:25,376
You've moved on. We've all moved on.

287
00:21:25,377 --> 00:21:29,376
It's part of who I am.

288
00:21:30,337 --> 00:21:34,336
You told me we should do this.

289
00:21:34,577 --> 00:21:37,656
Are you from the future?

290
00:21:37,657 --> 00:21:39,256
I told you we should
give up our powers?

291
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:40,456
Yeah.

292
00:21:40,457 --> 00:21:44,456
We're supposed to do this.

293
00:21:59,257 --> 00:22:03,256
Are you buying or selling?

294
00:22:22,938 --> 00:22:26,737
Coming to bed?

295
00:22:26,738 --> 00:22:30,337
This is part of the sex.
You just need some practice.

296
00:22:30,338 --> 00:22:33,777
It's how you get good.

297
00:22:33,778 --> 00:22:37,697
# Oh, happy day

298
00:22:37,698 --> 00:22:40,417
# Oh, happy day

299
00:22:40,418 --> 00:22:42,617
# Oh, happy day

300
00:22:42,618 --> 00:22:44,977
# When Jesus washed

301
00:22:44,978 --> 00:22:46,817
# When Jesus washed

302
00:22:46,818 --> 00:22:50,137
# Oh, when he washed

303
00:22:50,138 --> 00:22:51,297
# When he washed

304
00:22:51,298 --> 00:22:53,177
# When Jesus washed

305
00:22:53,178 --> 00:22:54,817
# When Jesus washed

306
00:22:54,818 --> 00:22:56,337
# He washed my sins away

307
00:22:56,338 --> 00:22:57,657
#Oh, happy day

308
00:22:57,658 --> 00:22:59,817
# Oh, happy day

309
00:22:59,818 --> 00:23:01,817
# Oh, happy day

310
00:23:01,818 --> 00:23:05,817
# When Jesus washed

311
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:07,497
# When Jesus washed

312
00:23:07,498 --> 00:23:10,017
# Oh, when he washed

313
00:23:10,018 --> 00:23:12,017
# When Jesus washed

314
00:23:12,018 --> 00:23:13,617
# When Jesus washed

315
00:23:13,618 --> 00:23:15,217
# When Jesus washed

316
00:23:15,218 --> 00:23:17,177
# He washed my sins away

317
00:23:17,178 --> 00:23:18,457
# Oh, happy day

318
00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:20,057
# Oh, happy day

319
00:23:20,058 --> 00:23:21,177
# Oh, happy day

320
00:23:21,178 --> 00:23:22,337
# It's a happy day

321
00:23:22,338 --> 00:23:26,337
# He taught me how to watch

322
00:23:32,258 --> 00:23:35,817
# Fight and pray

323
00:23:35,818 --> 00:23:39,697
# Fight and pray

324
00:23:39,698 --> 00:23:43,697
# And he'll rejoice

325
00:23:44,898 --> 00:23:48,897
# In things we say

326
00:23:49,818 --> 00:23:51,777
# Things we say

327
00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:55,377
# Oh, happy day

328
00:23:55,378 --> 00:23:57,857
# Oh happy day

329
00:23:57,858 --> 00:23:59,857
# Oh, happy day

330
00:23:59,858 --> 00:24:01,657
# Oh, happy day

331
00:24:01,658 --> 00:24:03,177
# Oh, happy day

332
00:24:03,178 --> 00:24:05,617
# Oh, happy day

333
00:24:05,618 --> 00:24:08,577
# Oh, happy day

334
00:24:08,578 --> 00:24:12,537
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

335
00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:16,537
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

336
00:24:17,218 --> 00:24:20,057
# Oh, happy day, oh, oh, yeah

337
00:24:20,058 --> 00:24:23,697
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

338
00:24:23,698 --> 00:24:27,697
# Oh, happy day... #

339
00:24:35,458 --> 00:24:37,697
Jesus?

340
00:24:37,698 --> 00:24:41,697
Hi.

341
00:24:51,578 --> 00:24:55,577
Is that really the best you can do?

342
00:24:57,258 --> 00:24:59,417
I'll break it down for you.

343
00:24:59,418 --> 00:25:02,577
Do you want to go to heaven,

344
00:25:02,578 --> 00:25:06,537
or d'you want to burn in hell
for all eternity? Hm.

345
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:07,897
That's all they had to give.

346
00:25:07,898 --> 00:25:11,897
If they won't give willingly,
you take it from them.

347
00:25:12,538 --> 00:25:16,537
You said robbing people was wrong.

348
00:25:17,778 --> 00:25:21,777
Now you're doing it for God, it's OK.

349
00:25:23,938 --> 00:25:27,937
Go forth unto the world,
and bring me some money!

350
00:25:49,418 --> 00:25:53,417
Chin chin! Here's to life.

351
00:26:00,698 --> 00:26:04,657
So now you're going travelling, suddenly
you're all cool about giving out free drinks?

352
00:26:04,658 --> 00:26:06,857
I am so looking forward to not
having to listen to your shit.

353
00:26:06,858 --> 00:26:10,857
I'll miss you, too.

354
00:26:15,938 --> 00:26:17,257
What?

355
00:26:17,258 --> 00:26:19,017
You look amazing.

356
00:26:19,018 --> 00:26:20,537
Do you think so?

357
00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:24,057
Yeah, well classy.

358
00:26:24,058 --> 00:26:25,977
The woman in the shop
thought I was shoplifting.

359
00:26:25,978 --> 00:26:28,457
Got my wad of cash out.
She looked proper sick.

360
00:26:28,458 --> 00:26:30,537
Should've seen her.

361
00:26:30,538 --> 00:26:33,537
Set me up.

362
00:26:33,538 --> 00:26:34,937
So where are you going first?

363
00:26:34,938 --> 00:26:37,577
Thailand. We fly to Bangkok,
then we hit the beaches.

364
00:26:37,578 --> 00:26:41,577
D'you think you might have a go
on one of those Thai lady boys?

365
00:26:41,738 --> 00:26:43,817
Yeah. I see that happening.

366
00:26:43,818 --> 00:26:46,937
You may not know until it's too late.
I didn't have a clue, man.

367
00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:48,337
Have you been to Thailand?

368
00:26:48,338 --> 00:26:51,257
No. I met this little fella
at a party on the estate.

369
00:26:51,258 --> 00:26:53,177
What, and you went with him?

370
00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:56,217
Let's just say,
I didn't not go with him.

371
00:26:56,218 --> 00:26:59,217
I was very drunk, and he had his cock
and balls taped into his arse crack.

372
00:26:59,218 --> 00:27:03,217
From where I was kneeling,
it looked like a bald little pussy.

373
00:27:05,258 --> 00:27:08,897
Can I get you something?
Empty the till and the safe!

374
00:27:08,898 --> 00:27:10,497
Yeah, good one, mate.

375
00:27:10,498 --> 00:27:14,017
What the fuck are you doing?!

376
00:27:14,018 --> 00:27:19,257
Just give us the money. Do it!
All right.

377
00:27:19,258 --> 00:27:21,017
And the safe.

378
00:27:21,018 --> 00:27:23,057
They don't trust me with
the keys to the safe.

379
00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:24,697
That's because you're always
giving people free drinks.

380
00:27:24,698 --> 00:27:26,777
Back off!
Move!

381
00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:30,777
Give us your money!
Give us your cash!

382
00:27:34,738 --> 00:27:35,737
Where's yours?

383
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:38,097
I haven't got any.
I never have any. Ask anyone.

384
00:27:38,098 --> 00:27:39,217
Hand it over.

385
00:27:39,218 --> 00:27:40,497
Just give him the money!

386
00:27:40,498 --> 00:27:42,217
No. That's for Marnie and the baby!

387
00:27:42,218 --> 00:27:44,857
Do you think I'm joking?

388
00:27:44,858 --> 00:27:47,777
Actually,
I really couldn't give a fuck.

389
00:27:47,778 --> 00:27:49,457
Back off!

390
00:27:49,458 --> 00:27:51,777
Go ahead.

391
00:27:51,778 --> 00:27:55,417
Shoot me!

392
00:27:55,418 --> 00:27:57,817
I'm immortal!

393
00:27:57,818 --> 00:28:01,457
No, you're not.

394
00:28:01,458 --> 00:28:05,457
Nikki!

395
00:28:08,698 --> 00:28:12,697
Someone call an ambulance!

396
00:28:18,738 --> 00:28:21,817
Is she breathing?

397
00:28:21,818 --> 00:28:25,817
Nikki!

398
00:29:00,938 --> 00:29:04,937
I'm going to get my power back.
I'm going to turn back time.

399
00:29:06,778 --> 00:29:10,777
I'm going to save her.

400
00:29:11,738 --> 00:29:14,297
I knew there was
something up with that lad.

401
00:29:14,298 --> 00:29:18,297
If I'd had my power,
I could've stopped it.

402
00:29:21,058 --> 00:29:25,057
If I die, I won't be there
for Marnie and the baby.

403
00:29:33,098 --> 00:29:36,697
I can't go back to being like that.

404
00:29:36,698 --> 00:29:40,697
I'm sorry.

405
00:30:00,498 --> 00:30:02,457
I need my power back.

406
00:30:02,458 --> 00:30:04,657
That's not going to be possible.

407
00:30:04,658 --> 00:30:06,177
What're you talking about?

408
00:30:06,178 --> 00:30:07,377
I don't have it.

409
00:30:07,378 --> 00:30:08,417
What d'you mean, you don't have it?

410
00:30:08,418 --> 00:30:10,777
I sold it to an old Jewish guy.

411
00:30:10,778 --> 00:30:14,777
He said he wanted to
rewind time and kill Hitler.

412
00:30:15,098 --> 00:30:16,817
You've got to admire his ambition.

413
00:30:16,818 --> 00:30:19,057
My girlfriend's dead.
I need my power.

414
00:30:19,058 --> 00:30:20,777
C'mon, man!

415
00:30:20,778 --> 00:30:24,417
I'm sorry about your girlfriend,
but I can't help you.

416
00:30:24,418 --> 00:30:26,777
What about the rest of our powers?

417
00:30:26,778 --> 00:30:28,297
We're gonna need those back, too.

418
00:30:28,298 --> 00:30:30,817
They're still available, at a price.

419
00:30:30,818 --> 00:30:34,737
How much?

420
00:30:34,738 --> 00:30:38,257
Shall we say 40,000, each.

421
00:30:38,258 --> 00:30:40,537
You only paid us 20 grand!

422
00:30:40,538 --> 00:30:43,817
What, you got 20,000 for your power?

423
00:30:43,818 --> 00:30:45,377
Yeah. How much did you get?

424
00:30:45,378 --> 00:30:47,857
We don't need to get into that now.

425
00:30:47,858 --> 00:30:49,137
You robbed me, you bastard!

426
00:30:49,138 --> 00:30:52,017
You all agreed a price
you were happy to sell at.

427
00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:56,017
I didn't think it through,
so legally, it's still mine.

428
00:30:58,018 --> 00:31:02,017
You get me my power.

429
00:31:02,138 --> 00:31:06,137
It's not going to happen.

430
00:31:08,338 --> 00:31:12,017
You either get him his power back,
or I start kicking you in the balls.

431
00:31:12,018 --> 00:31:16,017
Yeah, I've seen her do it.
You won't enjoy it one little bit.

432
00:31:17,178 --> 00:31:21,177
I really wouldn't do
that if I were you.

433
00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:26,577
Him?
Are you for real?

434
00:31:26,578 --> 00:31:28,497
He couldn't fuck his way
out of a paper bag, mate.

435
00:31:28,498 --> 00:31:32,497
Look at him. He's got the body of a small,
malnourished, prepubescent child.

436
00:31:35,458 --> 00:31:38,377
Oh? Hey there, little fella...

437
00:31:38,378 --> 00:31:42,377
Argh!

438
00:31:48,898 --> 00:31:52,817
Open the fucking door!
Open the fuck...

439
00:31:52,818 --> 00:31:54,897
Open it!

440
00:31:54,898 --> 00:31:58,897
What're you gonna do?

441
00:32:03,498 --> 00:32:07,497
Argh. I think he broke a rib.

442
00:32:30,538 --> 00:32:32,577
Hi.

443
00:32:32,578 --> 00:32:36,217
Fuck off.

444
00:32:36,218 --> 00:32:38,617
That wasn't very friendly.

445
00:32:38,618 --> 00:32:40,857
What do you want?

446
00:32:40,858 --> 00:32:43,297
I just want to chat.
I'm Jesus.

447
00:32:43,298 --> 00:32:47,297
I know you. The guy who takes
the powers. You were there.

448
00:32:49,058 --> 00:32:52,897
You got me.

449
00:32:52,898 --> 00:32:54,217
You're very pretty.

450
00:32:54,218 --> 00:32:58,217
That's original.

451
00:32:58,258 --> 00:33:02,257
I want to fuck your brains out.

452
00:33:04,418 --> 00:33:08,417
Come on, let's go.

453
00:33:12,778 --> 00:33:16,457
Jesus?

454
00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:19,937
I, er... I shot someone.

455
00:33:19,938 --> 00:33:21,257
You did what?

456
00:33:21,258 --> 00:33:23,617
I didn't mean to.

457
00:33:23,618 --> 00:33:27,617
She's dead.

458
00:33:31,498 --> 00:33:35,497
You've got my power.

459
00:33:42,098 --> 00:33:44,137
She was just a girl.

460
00:33:44,138 --> 00:33:45,857
I killed her!

461
00:33:45,858 --> 00:33:49,857
Are you sorry?

462
00:33:50,378 --> 00:33:54,377
Then God forgives you.

463
00:33:54,778 --> 00:33:58,577
Seriously?
Just like that?

464
00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:01,697
Just like that.
Everything bad you've ever done.

465
00:34:01,698 --> 00:34:05,697
All the stealing,
drugs and masturbating.

466
00:34:09,738 --> 00:34:13,737
Don't worry about it.
You're forgiven!

467
00:34:18,338 --> 00:34:22,337
Off you go, then.

468
00:34:44,738 --> 00:34:48,737
Alisha? What is it? What happened?

469
00:34:48,778 --> 00:34:50,217
I lied to you.

470
00:34:50,218 --> 00:34:54,217
You never said we were
supposed to give up our powers.

471
00:34:56,978 --> 00:35:00,977
But I just wanted us to be normal.

472
00:35:02,018 --> 00:35:03,697
You shouldn't have done that.

473
00:35:03,698 --> 00:35:07,697
Sorry!

474
00:35:08,258 --> 00:35:12,257
We started this,
and now Nikki's dead.

475
00:35:12,738 --> 00:35:14,137
It's OK.

476
00:35:14,138 --> 00:35:18,137
No, it's not OK.

477
00:35:18,738 --> 00:35:21,937
What is it?

478
00:35:21,938 --> 00:35:25,697
There's a guy calling himself Jesus.

479
00:35:25,698 --> 00:35:29,697
He's got my power.
He used it on me.

480
00:35:29,858 --> 00:35:31,417
Did you...?

481
00:35:31,418 --> 00:35:35,417
No. I got away,

482
00:35:35,618 --> 00:35:38,257
but the boy who robbed the
bar, he was there, and...

483
00:35:38,258 --> 00:35:42,257
I think the Jesus guy
put him up to it.

484
00:35:44,938 --> 00:35:48,217
Where're you going?

485
00:35:48,218 --> 00:35:50,737
I'm going to kill Jesus.

486
00:35:50,738 --> 00:35:54,737
I'm coming with you.

487
00:36:06,248 --> 00:36:09,487
Ah! Everybody, this is Marnie.

488
00:36:09,488 --> 00:36:10,087
Hi.

489
00:36:10,088 --> 00:36:11,367
Hi.
These are my friends.

490
00:36:11,368 --> 00:36:12,487
I'm not your friend.

491
00:36:12,488 --> 00:36:13,647
She's lying.

492
00:36:13,648 --> 00:36:17,647
The guy who killed Nikki.
He was doing it for Jesus.

493
00:36:29,448 --> 00:36:31,047
Oh, what?

494
00:36:31,048 --> 00:36:33,047
Is that the guy?

495
00:36:33,048 --> 00:36:34,287
Can I help you?

496
00:36:34,288 --> 00:36:37,807
You can't go around pretending
to be Jesus. What's God gonna say?

497
00:36:37,808 --> 00:36:39,767
You haven't even got a beard!

498
00:36:39,768 --> 00:36:41,807
Hey! I gave my life to him.

499
00:36:41,808 --> 00:36:44,687
I went without money and sex.
What a joke!

500
00:36:44,688 --> 00:36:47,527
I preached and prayed,
and no-one gave a shit.

501
00:36:47,528 --> 00:36:49,887
You do a few miracles, everyone
thinks you're the messiah.

502
00:36:49,888 --> 00:36:51,847
Have you seen that lot out there?

503
00:36:51,848 --> 00:36:55,287
I've given their lives....meaning.

504
00:36:55,288 --> 00:36:56,807
I'm sorry. Would you mind

505
00:36:56,808 --> 00:36:58,767
getting her to stop?
That's very distracting.

506
00:36:58,768 --> 00:37:00,447
One of your followers
killed my girlfriend...

507
00:37:00,448 --> 00:37:02,327
You're exploiting the vulnerable.

508
00:37:02,328 --> 00:37:04,927
You're taking money off pupils.
You're sexually assaulting girls.

509
00:37:04,928 --> 00:37:07,687
Hey.
That's the Catholic Church for you.

510
00:37:07,688 --> 00:37:09,927
He's got a point.
When I was growing up in Ireland,

511
00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:12,607
if the priests weren't fiddling with
you, you were one of the ugly kids.

512
00:37:12,608 --> 00:37:16,607
I'm going to finish you.

513
00:37:35,968 --> 00:37:38,287
We may have done sod all with our
powers, but we never abused them.

514
00:37:38,288 --> 00:37:40,847
We never raped or murdered anyone.

515
00:37:40,848 --> 00:37:43,367
She raped me, and we
killed loads of people.

516
00:37:43,368 --> 00:37:45,247
OK. But we're the good guys.

517
00:37:45,248 --> 00:37:47,767
Every time we get anywhere near him,
he'll just fuck off somewhere else.

518
00:37:47,768 --> 00:37:50,407
We need our powers.
We can use this to buy them back.

519
00:37:50,408 --> 00:37:52,327
And then we're kicking
the shit out of Jesus!

520
00:37:52,328 --> 00:37:56,327
He's not Jesus, all right?

521
00:37:57,408 --> 00:37:59,807
This way.

522
00:37:59,808 --> 00:38:01,527
Should you be carrying
something heavy like this?

523
00:38:01,528 --> 00:38:05,527
I'm fine.

524
00:38:06,008 --> 00:38:07,207
I think that belongs to me.

525
00:38:07,208 --> 00:38:09,447
Come and get it
if you fucking want it.

526
00:38:09,448 --> 00:38:11,327
Back this way, back this way.

527
00:38:11,328 --> 00:38:13,607
If the mountain won't come
to Mohammed...

528
00:38:13,608 --> 00:38:17,607
Now he's starting on the Muslims!

529
00:38:44,648 --> 00:38:48,647
Ah, shit! We've killed Jesus!

530
00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:53,967
Just in case he really is Jesus.

531
00:38:53,968 --> 00:38:56,687
Our Lord has sacrificed himself,
again.

532
00:38:56,688 --> 00:39:00,207
He's not Jesus! He's just a
dickhead with a few super powers.

533
00:39:00,208 --> 00:39:02,367
Super powers?

534
00:39:02,368 --> 00:39:06,367
Do you really expect me
to believe that?

535
00:39:06,408 --> 00:39:08,007
Ah! Did you piss yourself again?

536
00:39:08,008 --> 00:39:12,007
My waters have broken.
The baby's coming... Ow!

537
00:39:15,808 --> 00:39:18,327
What do we do?

538
00:39:18,328 --> 00:39:20,247
Where's the fucking ambulance, mate?

539
00:39:20,248 --> 00:39:22,207
I've called it two times!

540
00:39:26,728 --> 00:39:29,607
You've got
to be fucking kidding me.

541
00:39:29,608 --> 00:39:31,927
Does anyone know anything about
delivering babies,

542
00:39:31,928 --> 00:39:33,487
because I think this is happening
right now...

543
00:39:33,488 --> 00:39:34,247
Hot towels!

544
00:39:34,248 --> 00:39:36,167
Hot towels!
Right!

545
00:39:36,168 --> 00:39:37,647
We haven't got any.

546
00:39:37,648 --> 00:39:38,687
Oh, you're a big fucking help(!)

547
00:39:38,688 --> 00:39:40,167
Where's the ambulance?

548
00:39:40,168 --> 00:39:41,447
- Oh, you're a big fucking help(!)
Where's the ambulance? - It's on its way!

549
00:39:41,448 --> 00:39:42,807
How close is it
to actually coming out?

550
00:39:42,808 --> 00:39:43,807
I don't know.
...How does it feel, baby?

551
00:39:43,808 --> 00:39:46,127
It feels like my cunt's
being ripped apart!

552
00:39:46,128 --> 00:39:48,767
I'm no expert,
but that sounds normal.

553
00:39:48,768 --> 00:39:52,767
Right.
I'm going down for a quick peak.

554
00:39:57,768 --> 00:40:01,167
There's a little baby
coming out of your twat!

555
00:40:01,168 --> 00:40:03,367
Me and Marnie talked about it,

556
00:40:03,368 --> 00:40:05,327
and we want all of you
to be the baby's godparents.

557
00:40:05,328 --> 00:40:06,887
She doesn't even know us.

558
00:40:06,888 --> 00:40:09,527
She hasn't got any other friends,
and neither have I.

559
00:40:09,528 --> 00:40:12,967
I told her there's no-one in the
world I trust more than you guys.

560
00:40:12,968 --> 00:40:14,207
You said that about us?

561
00:40:14,208 --> 00:40:17,127
Well, no, not really.
So what d'you say?

562
00:40:17,128 --> 00:40:19,847
Will you please shut the fuck up?!

563
00:40:19,848 --> 00:40:23,847
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, baby. Come on. Just push.

564
00:40:35,888 --> 00:40:39,887
Hello!

565
00:40:39,888 --> 00:40:43,887
He looks like me.

566
00:40:52,248 --> 00:40:55,367
Hey, there, little fella.

567
00:40:55,368 --> 00:40:57,367
It's OK. Daddy's here.

568
00:40:57,368 --> 00:41:01,367
# Little donkey, little donkey

569
00:41:03,328 --> 00:41:07,327
# On the dusky road

570
00:41:08,448 --> 00:41:12,447
# Gotta keep on plodding onwards

571
00:41:13,848 --> 00:41:17,847
# With your precious load

572
00:41:18,968 --> 00:41:22,967
# Been a long time, little donkey

573
00:41:24,008 --> 00:41:28,007
# Through the winter's night

574
00:41:28,688 --> 00:41:32,687
# Don't give up now, little donkey

575
00:41:33,928 --> 00:41:37,927
# Bethlehem's in sight

576
00:41:38,928 --> 00:41:42,927
# Ring out the bells tonight

577
00:41:44,408 --> 00:41:48,407
# Bethlehem, Bethlehem

578
00:41:49,648 --> 00:41:53,647
# Follow the star tonight

579
00:41:55,288 --> 00:41:59,287
# Bethlehem, Bethlehem. #

580
00:42:03,968 --> 00:42:06,007
You've seriously lost your cool.

581
00:42:06,008 --> 00:42:10,007
Oh, shut up. It's Christmas.

582
00:42:13,968 --> 00:42:17,967
Sorry, Jesus.

583
00:42:21,088 --> 00:42:23,687
I think I'm having another!
I think I'm having twins!

584
00:42:23,688 --> 00:42:26,407
What?! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

585
00:42:26,408 --> 00:42:27,127
What is it?

586
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:28,367
What is it?
You're giving birth to an alien!

587
00:42:28,368 --> 00:42:32,367
Get it out, get it out!

588
00:42:43,328 --> 00:42:47,327
It's the afterbirth, you dickhead!

589
00:43:01,488 --> 00:43:03,327
Anyway, so...

590
00:43:03,328 --> 00:43:07,327
happy Christmas, one and all.

591
00:43:33,648 --> 00:43:35,087
That is a fucking horrible jumper.

592
00:43:35,088 --> 00:43:39,087
Shut up. It was a Christmas present
from Marnie. That's very rude.

593
00:43:44,248 --> 00:43:46,847
Is there any reason why have
to have the same powers as before?

594
00:43:46,848 --> 00:43:49,927
Mine died with that Jesus guy.

595
00:43:49,928 --> 00:43:53,927
He said if we've got the money,
we can take our pick.

596
00:44:05,608 --> 00:44:09,607
OK.

597
00:44:13,488 --> 00:44:17,487
So who's first?

598
00:44:18,088 --> 00:44:22,087
You're all such pussies! I'll do it.

599
00:44:49,528 --> 00:44:53,527
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