I know you said to call at night, but, uh, I haven't been alone.
I understand. I have a moment.
So how is she?
Well, it's only been a short period in therapeutic time.
But she's making progress?
She's not particularly forthcoming yet.
What has she been talking about?
Mostly, she seems consumed with petty jealousies
and overwhelmed with everyday activities.
Basically, we're dealing with the emotions of a child here.
She wasn't always like this.
Well, we're finding that this kind of anxiety is not uncommon in housewives.
And let's not forget, the death of a parent is extremely destabilizing.
So that's it.
Well, that's the beginning, certainly.
As she becomes more forthcoming, we may be able
to shed some light on the deeper issues as she talks more.
- There are deeper issues? - Usually.
These are not groundbreaking revelations, Mr. Draper.
I'm concerned, obviously.
Of course. We both are.
Time and talk. That's what I recommend right now.
And again, evenings are better for me.
Well, I appreciate your time.
Mona, I am drinking my milk right now.
Go to Mim's. Bring the heiress.
The Montclair air might wipe the scowl off her face.
Knock, knock.
Call me from there.
I'll try to make it out by Sunday afternoon.
I just got off the phone with UFC,
and they're having the Nixon boys stop by at the end of the week.
- With Nixon? - No, thank God.
Otherwise, I'd have to move the piano out of my office.
Hopefully, he'll decide he needs us.
Well, the ones with the best product make the worst clients.
Stop smoking so much.
It's a sign of weakness.
You know how Hitler got Neville Chamberlain
to give him everything at Munich?
He held the conference at an old palace that forbid smoking.
And after an hour and a half of not smoking,
Neville Chamberlain would have given Hitler his mother as a dance partner.
All I can get from this story is that Hitler didn't smoke.
And I do.
Good night, peanut.
Last one to Chumley's gets to wheel Kenneth Cosgrove,
published author, home in a baby carriage.
- Hello there. - Good news.
Mona and Margaret are going out of town for the weekend.
Mona's mother fell down the steps.
- You're really blessed. - Come on over.
I'll put on my whites. We'll pretend it's V.J. Day.
What goes in there, an aspirin?
I suppose I could have taken a suitcase anywhere this weekend.
And I don't mean your apartment.
I got us a couple of sandwiches, and filled a thermos for the train.
Mr. Sterling, this is Carol, my roommate.
Nice to meet you, Carol.
Miss Holloway, I have an accounting question.
We will go away. Not tonight, but some weekend coming up.
Puerto Rico?
I don't care if it's Cuba. I need a little notice.
You've got a lot of rules, Red.
Be good, girls.
I don't mind you staying late, just as long as you're not trying
- to milk us for the dinner money. - It's work.
Just because tomorrow's Friday doesn't mean I expect
to be pulling your head off the keys in the morning.
What are you doing tonight?
Uh, working and going home.
I'll let you enjoy that one, honey, but I was talking to Donald here.
- I'm on the 5:31. - Reservations at home.
I've had those. Easiest ones to break.
Besides, they love it when you keep them guessing. It adds spice.
Trying to get me in trouble? Betty's cooking.
One drink. You owe me that.
- Did I miss something? - No.
Don and I talk all the time when you're not around.
In fact, we're gonna do it right now.
Don? Shall we?
- Well, good night, boys. - Good night, Paul.
I love doing that.
You seem like a busy little girl.
Draper pushing you around enough?
What does that mean?
Burning the midnight oil is not good for your skin.
Oh, no, it's...
It's for something else. I'm working on copy.
On your own?
Mr. Rumsen liked what I did in the brainstorming thingy.
Sanitary napkins?
- No. Lipstick. - What did I say?
It's the Belle Jolie account.
Mr. Campbell, your wife called from the Four Seasons.
- They've been seated. - Thank you, Hildy.
Want me to take a look at it? I do it for a lot of the fellows.
Really?
Yeah. Really.
That would be super.
Well, we're all in it together.
Two!
So they fired all the guys in the middle and moved up their mail room staff,
right before all the salaries got expensive.
Smart.
Is that what we're gonna do?
We're not going to do anything.
At a certain age, they lose that.
What?
That glow of pure youth.
It's like they hit 30, and somebody puts out a light.
I don't think those two have 30 years between them.
Polka dots looks like a lot of fun.
Yeah, you'll have to let me know.
Jesus, you must be starving.
I know I am. What's Betty making?
I don't know.
Mona hasn't cooked since Margaret stopped eating.
They're fighting it out. I'm the one that gets hurt.
I'll call Betty. Tell her we'll be three.
No!
- You sure? - Are you kidding?
She'll be thrilled.
When's the last time she saw you?
We'll take my car. Save you train fare.
- My eyes are burning. - That's impossible.
That better not be Daddy saying he's going to be late.
Don't do gymnastics in the house.
Draper residence.
You are coming home, right?
Yes. I'm coming home.
Unfortunately, Roger has decided he needs a home-cooked meal.
You're kidding.
I don't know if I have enough food.
Birdie, what do you put in that freezer I bought you?
Frozen food.
What do you want me to say?
Betty, this steak...
You sure you don't want some?
No, thank you, Roger.
I'm a vegetarian sometimes.
Mona has a little calorie book she keeps on the refrigerator.
Always has her nose in there.
Maybe she wants to look good for you.
Isn't that a nice thought?
I was pudgy as a girl, if you can believe it.
I came into Home Ec in the 8th grade
with a pattern for big girl pajamas.
The teacher asked who I was making the pajamas for.
I didn't realize how much weight I'd lost that summer.
Swim camp, I guess.
I went from Tadpole to Polliwog that year.
Sounds like a lateral move.
When I was little, in the summer we used to swim at night.
In a pool, not the ocean.
Warm air,
light dancing in the blue...
Night swimming. It's divine.
Sometimes naked.
Believe me, on those nights, it was very difficult to go to sleep.
You ever experienced that, Don?
Trouble sleeping? Never.
Your husband's a funny son of a bitch, you know that, Betty?
Yeah.
We used to swim in a quarry.
By the way you drop your G's every once in a while,
I always thought you were raised on a farm.
Someplace with a swimmin' hole.
What do you say we go to a commercial break...
brought to you by more liquor?
You two.
Oh. Jesus, don't tell me it's your anniversary.
- No. - Don't worry.
Sally got this frosting machine.
Oh. "Mommy and Daddy. "
Simple, to the point, colloquial.
She writes like her father.
I'll get hers. You get your own.
Three on a match.
Never understood that.
Is that like three on a horse?
Trench war. First war.
They used to say, "First man lights up, they notice you.
"Second man, Jerry takes aim.
Third one... Auf wiedersehen. "
But the professional wisdom says that one of our guys
came up with that, as a way to sell matches.
You tell your kids there's no Santa Claus?
He'd never do that.
Tell us another story. A true one, though.
Well, my father was in the trenches.
With a bayonet.
Think about that.
Poking a man to death three feet away from you.
What does that sound like?
Don never talks about the war.
The war? His war, you mean.
Not much to say.
You boys used up all the glory.
We did, didn't we?
'Course, my old man will always have one on me with that bayonet.
My biggest hit came when we were running oil
down to the islands in the South China Sea.
The Pacific was all about gasoline.
People forget that.
You know what? I don't like to talk about it, either.
Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
Not much.
Now you have to tell us.
Well, the third day we picked up a Dinah circling the convoy.
A recon plane.
They were mapping us for the Nip suicide submarines up ahead...
kaitens... basically, warheads with motors.
Made us feel good to know we had such a dedicated enemy.
That's one way of thinking about it.
Maybe I was bored, but I thought, We should get that little plane.
Bored? What about scared?
That never comes in to these stories.
You're making me look bad in front of the lady.
That's impossible. Finish your story.
Well, we gave it to 'em.
Right at 12:00.
He was going away from us, but we hit him.
I watched him dive into the waves just beyond the horizon.
It was strange, because we knew it was over for him,
but we didn't see or hear much.
The next four hours, I took us off course, just to swing by.
Looking for a hole in the ocean, I guess.
We saw the wreckage. No chute, no body.
It's incredible that something that heavy can float.
Isn't that something?
- Bet they gave you a medal. - They did.
But not for that. It was for drinking.
Can something be done about this sadness?
Want to switch to gin?
Did you check the golf bag?
I have something out in the garage left over from New Year's.
I don't care if it has ants in it.
Roger, please, the kids.
Sally will be happy her cake was such a hit.
Make sure you tell her
I ate the "M" in "Mom. "
- Roger... - I can't believe you've had two babies.
Don't do that.
You've been making eyes at me all night.
You can't tell me that I'm not giving you hot pants.
You smell so good.
I can make more coffee.
I just want you to know that when I go to sleep tonight,
I will be thinking all about you.
Where'd you go, to Russia to get that?
No, I ran down the street knocking on doors.
Come on, you two. Come on out here and wish me a bon voyage.
I was just saying what a lucky man you are.
Beautiful children. Enjoy it.
One minute you're drinking at a bar,
and they come and tell you your kid's been born,
next thing you know, they're heading off to college.
Well, I should be on my way.
I'll take this for the road.
I'll walk you out.
Magical night.
That's my car.
There you go.
Lights!
- What was that? - What?
That. Him.
Felt like someone turned the oven on when I came back in here with that bottle.
- That's ridiculous. - Bullshit.
Nothing happened, Don.
Other than your drunk boss ruining our evening.
Can we leave it at that?
You seemed to be having a grand time.
I liked the wine.
You made a fool of yourself.
Why would you say that?
You were throwing yourself at him. Giggling at his stories.
I was being friendly. He's your boss.
I don't like to be treated that way in my own home.
I know what I saw.
You want to bounce me off the walls?
Would that make you feel better?
Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a little girl.
Humps, where were you last night?
I had a dinner with my in-laws at the Four Seasons... poolside.
Sounds refreshing.
Norman Mailer, Mayor Wagner.
The naked and the dead.
- What's in the box? - It's a wedding present.
- We got two. - But what is it?
- It's a Chip 'n' Dip. - Let me see.
- Are you serious? - Yeah!
I'm might have to go to somebody else's wedding.
I like to know what people are returning.
What?
I don't know what to say. You got two of these?
- What is it? - You have your fingers in your ears?
It's a Chip 'n' Dip. You have your friends over.
You put chips on the sides and dip in the middle.
- Dip? - Yes.
We went to these peoples' house, and they had one.
It had sour cream with these little brown onions in it.
It was very good.
You'll have to give me that recipe sometime.
Cost 22 bucks.
- Shit! - So.
I'm going to return it.
Today? Freddy Rumsen's cousin works at General Mills.
We're all going to Ratazzi's for lunch.
- Maybe dinner. - No.
- I have to return this thing. - "Today," she said, I'm sure.
I like doing things for her.
You're right. I'm sorry.
When you finish shopping, come join us.
I hear they make a great Grasshopper, Mildred.
Mr. Draper? Mr. Sterling to see you.
Send him in.
Something for the golf bag.
That's the good stuff.
I take it you got home in one piece.
I made it as far as the Knights Inn off the Taconic.
I know that place. It's got great water pressure.
Yeah, I slept in the car.
About last night.
What about it?
When a man gets to the point when his name's on the building,
he can get an unnatural sense of entitlement.
What does that mean, Roger?
You're not gonna make this easy.
I don't even know what this is.
One night, years ago, I got very drunk.
I drive home to my building,
pull into the garage, park at my spot.
I get in the elevator.
It's late. There's no operator.
Go up to the 12th floor. Get out.
I'm walking down the hall.
It's pink and orange.
I remember how ugly it was.
Suddenly, my key won't fit in the door.
Wasn't my building.
I guess what I'm saying is, uh...
at some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage.
Thanks for the bottle, Roger.
And?
Betty's going to want that glass back.
Good man.
Maybe I should get a case of those, huh?
This is taking a long time.
Is it that complicated?
Ah, the blue box. You must be a newlywed.
That explains it.
Yes, it does. Adorable.
My husband, he'd rather be drinking at lunch,
even when we were newlyweds, I think.
He's in advertising.
I'm in advertising. Sterling Cooper.
He's at BBDO. Media buyer.
Jim Wallace.
Don't know him.
That's because you're here at lunch.
Next.
I'm here to return this.
There's nothing wrong with it.
We got two.
That's why we suggest that people register, to avoid duplications.
We did register. We got two.
Do you have your receipt?
It was a gift.
Rosemary, we have a bridal return.
Him?
Bridal registry.
It's a Chip 'n' Dip. We got two.
That's practically four of something.
Name?
Campbell.
I suppose you don't have a receipt.
Gosh, I wish I did.
No. It was a gift.
There's nothing here.
Perhaps your wife told you she was registering
and in the end forgot to give us her name.
Her name?
Yes. It's under the maiden name.
Hmm. It's Vogel.
Why would you do that?
I don't know.
Humps.
Humps the Camel Campbell.
Matherton. What are you doing here?
Getting my racquet restrung.
Men's room back this way?
Down the hall past the water fountain.
What are you doing here?
Returning a wedding gift.
Not mine, I hope.
No, it's a Chip 'n' Dip. Trudy's aunt.
That's Trudy Vogel. Do you mind, lovely?
Uh, what is it?
It's a Chip 'n' Dip.
You put chips on the side and dip in the middle.
For entertaining.
It's a beaut.
Hell of a wedding, by the way.
Your cousin Bethany... bridesmaid's bridesmaid.
Connecticut College for Women, indeed.
I think I found it.
That's nice.
Good to see you. We should do this sometime.
I'm coming back for you.
Do you have a receipt?
No. I might have already said that.
It was a gift.
I can give you store credit.
I was expecting cash.
I'm sorry.
Isn't there a way we could work this out?
Let me by you a drink.
I have an expense account.
The best I can do is put the store credit in your name
so you can spend it here.
I would think about spending it on you if you gave me cash.
It's $22.
Store credit.
Thank you.
By the way, Matherton...
he has the clap.
Same price as a Chip 'n' Dip.
Amazing.
And I was going to try to make you feel bad
by telling you where Carlotta's stockings end.
What the hell is that for?
It's for me.
.22 caliber bolt action.
Use it in good health.
Why not?
Boys will be boys, right?
You couldn't hit the side of St. Patrick's with that.
It's good for 20 yards.
It's your 4:30, Mr. Campbell.
The Nixon brain trust is coming in tomorrow.
The nomination is expected as a lock.
All we need is an opponent.
Rumor is Lyndon Johnson's going to be making a play at the Convention,
so we may not be going against Kennedy at all.
Then we have to worry about the South.
It's going to be Kennedy.
Boston Blackie won West Virginia.
Now, where does that leave us?
"Nixon: Experience in office, knows foreign affairs. "
He probably learned that
when they were throwing rocks at him in Caracas.
"Knows the real threat of communism, home and abroad. "
He's not helping himself keeping quiet on Castro.
True, but he's not a Catholic.
Our hands are tied there.
Nixon thinks hitting the Catholic thing is a bad idea.
They're going to say that.
To us? They believe it.
It hasn't held up in any of the primaries.
Kennedy keeps making opponents apologize.
For what?
For being intolerant.
This is Dick Nixon we're talking about.
You may be too young to remember
the "pink lady" congress... woman from California.
He practically shot her in the face to win.
If it is Kennedy,
Nixon will lower himself to the occasion.
It's going to be Kennedy.
Good. Catholic son of a millionaire.
A boy too scared to do anything but go on vacation.
I met him. He is a boy.
He's only four years younger than Nixon.
But has he been sitting next to the leader of the free world
for twice that time?
He's inexperienced.
He doesn't even wear a hat.
I don't know.
You know who else doesn't wear a hat?
Elvis.
That's what we're dealing with.
Remind me to stop hiring young people.
America does not want some greasy kid
with his finger on the button.
Now if the adults can weigh in?
"Communism, taxes, health care. "
Kinsey, you want to write this down, or should I call a girl in?
Hi, honey. I made a roast beef.
Just cut the strings.
Oh, roast beef?
You know it's just me tonight, right?
That was a wedding gift from my Aunt Letty!
And you go and get some stupid toy?
I can't believe you!
That was for us!
You're always telling me to grow up.
I can't believe you!
Oh, I can leave it there?
Thanks.
Great. Thank you.
Hollis, let me ask you something.
Uh, Mr. Campbell,
I thought I'd take you up on your offer to look at my work.
But if you're in the middle of something...
What's that?
A wedding present.
I really appreciate it.
You ever been hunting, Peggy?
No, I don't think so.
You either have or you haven't.
I went a couple of times with my uncle.
New Hampshire.
I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.
It's an incredible sensation.
You have to be very quiet.
Take it down with the first shot,
or you scare it away.
And sometimes you have to go up and finish it off.
Then you tie it to the bumper, and you go home.
But you know what I've always wanted to do?
I would pick it up...
throw its back legs over my shoulder,
and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin.
And there...
I'd hang it up...
between a couple of trees,
cut it open,
drain it,
dress it,
and then I'd take my big hunting knife,
and I'd cut this loin right out of the side.
And I'd go into the cabin,
and there'd be this woman waiting for me,
standing by one of those old stoves
with a big black pipe,
and I'd hand it to her,
and she'd put it in a cast-iron skillet,
and then I'd sit at the table...
and she'd bring it to me.
And I'd wipe my knife on my knee...
and then I would eat it while she watches.
That would be wonderful.
I'll take a look at this for you.
Thank you.
Can I get a ham sandwich?
You know what? I'll take a cherry Danish.
The big one in the back.
Thank you, ma'am. There you go.
Helen. Hello.
Hi, Betty.
How are you?
I'm well.
And how's Glen?
I wasn't going to say anything.
I was just going to go right on by.
What's wrong?
I was going...
I was going through Glen's treasure box the other day,
and I found a lock of blonde hair.
Your hair, he says.
Well, I don't know what he told you.
Glen doesn't lie, not when he's caught.
- I'm not saying it's a lie. - Betty.
He asked me for it.
And you gave it to him?
He is 9 years old.
What is wrong with you?
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
I believe that was Jonathan Swift.
Are we naming them now?
Look at you.
I had no idea you were such a fan of the mollusk.
Never gave them a chance before, but I'm acquiring a taste.
It's like eating a mermaid.
Ready for another, or have you topped off your tank?
You're leading this dance.
Well, what the hell? It's the G.O.P.
They'll never smell it over the stench of Brylcreem.
Another round.
Wait. Are you still good with these,
or do you prefer your beloved rye?
Today I'm on the Roger Sterling diet.
Easy on the vermouth, another dozen of these.
Me, as well.
I've always thought you were a man who could keep up, Don.
Anything else, gentlemen?
Did you know they served cheesecake
to the Olympic athletes in ancient Greece?
So what's an extra lap or two around the steno pool for us?
Two cheesecakes.
And don't let me see the bottom of this glass.
What were we talking about?
Oh, yes, the Russians.
Shooting those dogs into space.
I believe we branded them cat lovers and moved on to the subject of true love.
Right. Desi and Lucy... please.
He's divorcing her again.
Did he wake up one morning and say "Oh, yeah, I forgot, I hate you"?
What makes a man marry the same woman twice?
I believe in his case,
it was the lure of orange hair.
I like redheads.
Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk.
I think I woke my ulcer up.
Drinking milk.
I never liked it.
I hate cows.
You keep matching me like this,
you'll have an ulcer of your own, any day now.
One more?
Instead of coffee?
Sure.
But then we should get the check.
Hey, Birdie. I have the shirt.
What is this?
Bobby spilled some Concord grape juice down the front of it.
I washed it.
Uh, this is Ernie's shirt, not Bobby's.
Well, what do you know?
Oh, did you have a party you didn't invite me to?
I'll invite you. It's going to be a dinner party.
I'm just trying the wine, you know.
Develop my palate.
Do you want some? It's a split.
There's another glass.
How are you?
I'm good.
Maybe I will try some.
Betty,
Jill Sandifer was in the market earlier today.
What?
Is it true?
You're my friend, Francine.
Are you coming over here to do recon?
I'm worried about you.
I don't know what happened.
I kept thinking in the car on the way back,
"Did that really happen?"
And...
then I just put it out of my mind.
Well, what did happen?
Whatever you heard.
I mean, I don't even want to hear it.
I have my own version, and it's plenty.
It's okay.
Honestly, I don't know anyone
who wouldn't want to take a good poke at her.
She's so selfish.
Those long walks
and that pathetic job at Benson's Jewelry.
Carlton went in there to buy me some earrings.
I'm sure she loved that.
When I saw the Benson's Jewelry wrapping paper,
I almost threw it in his face.
And that John Kennedy. I hate him.
Really?
What will people think?
I think they'll be glad to know you're not a marshmallow.
Do people think I'm weak?
No. It's just you're so sweet and perfect.
I'm not.
Well, it does seem that way.
Look, it'll all be forgotten.
We don't have to include Helen Bishop anymore.
Let her know whose side we're all on.
Uh, my mother...
always said,
"You're painting a masterpiece.
Make sure to hide the brushstrokes. "
She was really beautiful.
Then I think, um...
"Why am I doing all this? I'm not that vain. "
What does Dr. Wayne say?
Nothing...
except "Tell me more about that. "
I'm still dying to try it.
I'm pretty sure Dr. Wayne tried to look down my neckline the other day.
He sits behind me.
And as far as I'm concerned, as long as men look at me that way,
I'm earning my keep.
Then every once in a while,
I think...
No.
This is something else.
I don't want my husband to see this.
I love to be looked at that way.
You should get out of here.
Nap time is about to end.
Well, I'm just glad you're okay.
We haven't gone over the Nixon plan.
You prepared, right?
In what way?
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Mr. Sterling, Mr. Draper, I'm waiting for service.
So am I. What are you talking about?
We're out of order.
Oh, crap.
When will they be back up? Should we wait?
We've got our best man on it.
That's a comfort.
Jesus, we're already late.
I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Sterling.
It's certainly a believable excuse.
We could go back to lunch.
No. Cooper would have a seizure, if he hasn't already.
So?
Ah, this is ridiculous. A building this big.
What if there was a fire?
We'd be walking down.
It would be easier.
Maybe we should check the elevator.
Maybe it's up again.
I think we'd hear it go on in the stairwell.
You think?
Roger, I don't know.
Maybe they're late, too.
Maybe we could get them to come down
and have the presentation on the eighth floor landing.
There's plenty of seats.
Damned elevator.
What do you want to do? We're almost there.
The hell we are.
Well, we can waste another five minutes talking about it, if you want.
Let's go.
Get behind me with that thing.
Six to go.
I've been counting.
You want to rest a minute?
No, sir. No, I don't.
Keep moving.
I forgot. Navy man.
I love redheads.
With big breasts.
We'll find you one if we still have jobs.
Want me to run ahead?
Run?
My name's on the building.
They can wait for me.
I got to stop talking.
I'm fine.
Just lost my tie clip.
I'll find it. Go on.
You sure?
I said go on.
Found it!
- Where the hell were you? - Elevator's out.
- That's quite a hike. Where's Sterling? - He's coming.
Well, here are the troops now.
Lou, Michael, Charlie, uh, Don Draper.
Hey, Don.
Our creative muscle.
Hopefully, a little brains, too.
Sorry to keep you fellas waiting.
The elevator's out.
Pete Campbell, of course.
We've spoken on the phone.
Yeah, yeah.
He'll continue handling things for you.
And when I say handling, I mean he runs everything by me.
And, of course, uh, my partner, Roger Sterling.
We heard the elevator's down.
Those boys over at United Fruit
talk about you like you invented the damn banana.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You all right, Roger?
Get us some ice water.
Oysters.
I can see that.
23 floors.
I'm just sorry I missed this lunch.
We were with some Quakers. Had cottage cheese.
Well, let's let Roger regroup.
- Okay. - Yeah.
This way.
I'll be right in.
You okay?
Yeah.
Fine.
Good.