1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,837 (man) Once upon a time, two East Indian 2 00:00:04,849 --> 00:00:07,792 immigrants had a boy, who they loved dearly, 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,077 yet, nevertheless, named Juggernaut Onan Goopta. 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:14,596 Other than the name and the beard, he was a normal boy, 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,672 who suffered all the usual humiliations of a normal childhood. 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:20,670 Upon leaving high school, he went to college 7 00:00:20,682 --> 00:00:23,472 with a dream of becoming a neuroscientist. 8 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,315 His goal was to be the first to comprehend how the biology of the brain 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,597 gives birth to the greatest mystery of life: self-consciousness. 10 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,435 Unfortunately, his own brain could not comprehend basic biology. 11 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,557 He quickly switched majors to philosophy. 12 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:40,076 But, alas, while reading Kierkegaard'? "The Sickness unto Death", 13 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,117 he became sick, and nearly died. 14 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,079 During recovery, though still suffering from dementia, 15 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,596 he set forth on a new dream: to become a writer. 16 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,180 His forays into detective fiction were so inept, 17 00:00:51,192 --> 00:00:53,390 they were mistaken for brilliant parodies, 18 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:58,270 and finding immediate publication in the highbrow literary journal 'The Dark Mask'. 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,000 Alongside the work of a group of young writers, 20 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,438 one of whom would go on to become the leading literary light of his generation, 21 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,753 composing profound stories in a style that made Proust seem pallid, 22 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:12,355 his lovable flamboyancy made him not only a 23 00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:14,835 literary icon, but a cultural one as well. 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,834 Why, he even made a cameo appearance in an award-winning film at Cannes. 25 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,516 Nobody ever comes outta there alive! 26 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,191 But we're here to focus on Goopta. 27 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,671 After the demise of the magazine, Goopta could not sell his work, 28 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,751 and he became destitute and suicidal. 29 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,435 Out of pure desperation, he managed, in a single, feverish night, 30 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,353 to crank out a book that changed the course of history: 31 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,636 “How to be Happy Even When You Shouldn't'. 32 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,757 It was followed by the best sellers: 33 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,480 “How to Manipulate People by your Apparent Friendliness' 34 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,837 and “How to Overcome Your Fears by Making Others Fear You'. 35 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,390 Upon the release of his masterpiece, Goopta hit the lecture hall circuit, 36 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,976 always preaching to standing room only, for 37 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,554 he shrewdly refrained from providing chairs. 38 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:01,077 (Goopta) Every painful moment in your life casts a shadow across your neurobiology. 39 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,870 Until you exterminate these dark memories, you will remain in a negative groove. 40 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,238 Thus, those who cannot forget their past are condemned to repeat it. 41 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:15,190 (man) Goopta then opened an institute to help teach people to become self-helpful. 42 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:19,717 Patients, who were called "doctors" as the term "patient" has unhealthy associations, 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:24,749 learned how to shed the darkness of their minds by therapies taught by the staff, 44 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,673 which, to inspire a sense of empirical transmigration, 45 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,320 is modelled after the US Postal Service. 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,631 The institute proved so popular, Selfosoplw branched out. 47 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,791 Institutes popped up throughout the nation, 48 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,236 and Goopta announced a new evolution to Selfosoplw. 49 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:44,349 (Goopta) After wiping its mind of darkness, the self must then wipe its eternal soul. 50 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:49,037 Since our souls have existed for thousands of years before the advent of Selfosoplw, 51 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,475 we all have a great deal of wiping to do. 52 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,235 (man) The tax-exempt belief system also evolved its own theology. 53 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,550 But I can't tell you what it is. It's a secret. 54 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:03,511 When learning the theology, Selfosophists undergo a blood oath ritual, also a secret. 55 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,594 So this artist's depiction is purely speculative, and surely way over the top. 56 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,637 In fact, forget you even saw it. 57 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,918 In any case, all this secrecy and profits drew criticism from some quarters. 58 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,311 Bu! These critics were quickly silenced, either by libel suits, 59 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,837 or by what Selfosophists call "knock-knock zoom-zoom affirmations". 60 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,991 There were even internal criticisms. 61 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,710 If a member continues his complaints, he is deemed a “ratfinkovich”, 62 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,440 and is excommunicated from Selfosophy. 63 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,479 In 1979, Onan Goopta moulted his earthly encumbrance 64 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,871 to pursue his Selfosophical research in another dimension. 65 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,634 That means he died of prostate cancer. 66 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,208 But the institution he left has never been 67 00:03:43,220 --> 00:03:45,840 more popular as we head into the millennium. 68 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,958 A happy, upbeat ending, if ever there was one. 69 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,396 That is, it was, until I re-entered the story. 70 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,596 And it's about time! 71 00:03:54,680 --> 00:04:00,232 You see, while conducting this research, [was contacted by a recent 'ratfinkovichfl 72 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,075 who, in one of those coincidences found only in real life and great fiction, 73 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,518 actually was named Ratfinkovich. Joseph P Ratfinkovich. 74 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:15,119 And he promised to reveal to me the never before disclosed secret behind Selfosoplw. 75 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:20,157 Goopta... is God. 76 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,197 That's it? 77 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:27,434 To find out that the ultimate revelation of Selfosophy is that its god 78 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,636 is the guy who invented the damn thing? 79 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,679 There's not really much of a "wow" in that, is there? 80 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,719 Actually, the "wow" can lead you to neurospiritual happiness, 81 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,759 away from despair, depression, and even flippancy. 82 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:42,750 Please. 83 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:49,189 I assure you that I regard this subject with the utmost respect and seriousness. 84 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,635 You have my word as a writer. 85 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,754 That's why I chose you to confess to. 86 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,114 You see... 87 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,433 Besides Onan Goopta, of course, you're my favourite writer. 88 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:01,835 Oh. 89 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,355 I have read everything you've ever written. 90 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:09,071 Including, obviously, your most recent short story, 91 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,231 which is what got me into all this trouble. 92 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:15,632 Yes. Now, tell me... Obviously you still believe in Selfosophy. 93 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:21,951 Do you think it's fair that you were excommunicated just for reading fiction? 94 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:27,114 Selfosophy has the legal right to cut me off from my beliefs, from my friends... 95 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,878 from everything. 96 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:36,473 My first novel, it goes without saying, was autobiographical. 97 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,519 Yes, it was about me and my closest friends, all writers. 98 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,912 The book came out to universal praise, except by my friends. 99 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:50,077 Of all people, they should have understood why I wrote about us. 100 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,078 They felt... betrayed. 101 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,396 None of them ever spoke to me again. 102 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:04,354 So I'm here to tell you that "so lonesome you could die" 103 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,397 is not a mere phrase. 104 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,279 I imagine you feel somewhat like that right now. 105 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,830 I have never been so happy in all of my life. 106 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,396 Well, at least he died happy. 107 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,587 Yeah, don't let the cadaveric spasm fool 108 00:07:24,599 --> 00:07:27,150 you. Electrocution ain't no pleasure cruise. 109 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,278 Maybe that's the connection with these Playpen magazines. 110 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,990 "Mistress November's turn-ons: guy with a nice smile." 111 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,152 Who buys so many copies of the same issue of the same nudie mag? 112 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,632 A pervert with an obsessive-compulsive disorder, that's who. 113 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,714 So imagine this poor guy. He's down at the local news stand. 114 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,156 He's buying another dozen issues cos he can't help himself. 115 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,198 And who's there to witness this display of indulgence? 116 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,318 An antiporn feminist lesbian. 117 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,124 So, under false pretences, she approaches the 118 00:07:59,136 --> 00:08:01,992 guy, suggests she give him a personal layout. 119 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,955 Once back here, she immediately gets down to business. 120 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,875 Time-out. I thought you said she was an antiporn feminist lesbian. 121 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,395 She's one of those sexy, good-looking kind. 122 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:16,993 - Yikes. - Exactly. 123 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:21,438 Cos guess what she's got stashed under her Secrets. A cattle prod. 124 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,638 She starts zapping him. He's screaming "Stop, stop." 125 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,519 But she can't stop. She won't stop. 126 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,996 She'll never stop till every pervert's wiped 127 00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,197 off the face of the scum-sucking planet. 128 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,873 What a woman. 129 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:40,434 To know that profile reveals less about the perp than it does about the prof tier. 130 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,749 - Scares me. - Hey, Frank. 131 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:47,552 I probably shouldn't have called you, but I got a hunch this case is millenniumistic. 132 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,995 This was done by someone he was familiar with. 133 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,712 He will end up being very similar to the 134 00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:55,632 victim in many ways: age, education, income. 135 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,477 This was a torture session, something to gain information. 136 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,870 Maybe a shady business deal. 137 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,951 (mimics buzzer) 138 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:10,193 Anyone else care to try "crime scene scenarios" for 500? 139 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,751 Instead of taking pictures of the victim's body, 140 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,559 you should photograph his bookshelves. 141 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,838 A person's death says nothing about their life, but... 142 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,037 the books say it all. 143 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,077 Oh, yeah? Not mine. 144 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,918 I don't got no books. 145 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,276 - Exactly. - Don't disturb the crime scene. 146 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,513 Rocket McGrain. A roving, freelance forensic prof tier. 147 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:41,151 Of all the absurd nonsense. Written by the same man who created Selfosophy. 148 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,834 I don't care who's on the book. Who the hell are you? 149 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,319 (Frank) Jose Chung. 150 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:52,033 Back in high school, I read your book, A Lapful of Severed Tongues, about ten times. 151 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,952 Oh. 152 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,759 That's the worst book I ever wrote. 153 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,280 What is your involvement with the victim? 154 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,792 I am responsible for his death. 155 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,480 I have been in town doing research for my new book, 156 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:15,238 which examines newly-arising belief systems at the end of the millennium. 157 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:21,874 - What did I tell you? - Playpen is running a segment, page 162. 158 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,611 A short story that offended Selfosophists. 159 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,030 So that's what they put in these back pages. 160 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,058 Unable to halt distribution, they sent their 161 00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:32,752 members out to buy all available copies, 162 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:38,040 so that this blasphemous story could not be read by unsuspecting masturbators. 163 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,114 He didn't just buy the magazines. 164 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,271 He read the story. 165 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,112 And he liked it. 166 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,555 Confession led to his excommunication, 167 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:52,111 and he got in touch with you to talk about Selfosophy's hierarchy. 168 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,879 How in the world did you deduce all that? 169 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,874 I'm a roving, freelance, forensic prof tier. 170 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:00,295 Oh. 171 00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:03,430 I still ain't heard how this guy got fried. 172 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:08,114 After I left, after arranging the meeting for tonight, 173 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:12,876 I imagine that Mr Ratfinkovich received another visitor. 174 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,517 Boy, am I glad to see you. 175 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,639 I haven't talked to anybody since they kicked me out. 176 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:32,352 Uh, d-d-don't you think it would be better if we talked on a more personal level? 177 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,910 - What does he pull out of the case? - An Onan-O-Graph. 178 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,676 Selfosophists claim it's a self-therapeutic device used to modify emotional states. 179 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,542 It's a cassette player used to register a 180 00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:46,756 user's emotional response to questions on tape. 181 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,754 - That's a lie detector. - With a cassette player. Hah. 182 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,713 (man) Do you harbour any bitterness towards Selfosophy? 183 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,553 No. I understand why they had to... 184 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,036 Do you harbour any bitterness towards Selfosoplw? 185 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,589 Yes. But only because... 186 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,240 Take a moment to reflect on your current state. 187 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,279 Are you feeling anxious, confused, nervous? 188 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,114 Very much so. 189 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,239 So, obviously, this bitterness is not making you feel any better. 190 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,915 Now, doesn't it seem wiser to not feel bitter? 191 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,880 Well... Yes. Yes, I guess it does. 192 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,874 Have you shared this misguided bitterness with any non-Selfosophist? 193 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,473 No. That's against the rules. 194 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,392 (Onan-O-Graph beeps) 195 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,713 Have you shared this misguided bitterness with any non-Selfosophist? 196 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,393 Yes. 197 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,394 Was this non-Selfosophist a member of the media? 198 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,440 Roland? You look like you're thinking negative thoughts. 199 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,431 P-please don't be dark. 200 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,238 Was this non-Selfosophist a... 201 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,915 It was Chung. It was Jose Chung. I didn't have anyone... 202 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,751 (Geibelhouse) Why's he do that with his hands? 203 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,309 Whenever he thinks a negative thought, 204 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:30,520 the gestures remind the Selfosophist to think the complete opposite thought. 205 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,917 So then what'd he do? 206 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:52,190 I'm sorry. I seriously doubt that this device would malfunction in this way. 207 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,556 I know they can't. I was merely being fanciful. 208 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,438 - Fanciful? - Mm-hm. 209 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,848 You mean you don't have any proof? 210 00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:01,720 Proof? I was making it up as I went along. 211 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,594 Don't these Selfosophists got a headquarters downtown? 212 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:10,116 - Yeah. You mind if I come along with you? - Gents, be careful. 213 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,919 These Selfosophists can be very evasive. 214 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,911 And persuasive. 215 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,910 Well, we know how to question someone to get what we want out of 'em. 216 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,514 So do they. 217 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,746 That is a very perceptive point, but our 218 00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:29,276 techniques are patented for that very reason. 219 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,351 If an ex-member tries to make them public, 220 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,027 we would sue that person to the fullest extent 221 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,355 of, but in full accordance with, the law. 222 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:40,991 Furthermore, just because your suspect might coincidentally be a Selfosophist, 223 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,675 I don't think it's fair to place Selfosophy itself under suspicion. 224 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,306 In fact, if you continue to do so, we may have 225 00:14:47,318 --> 00:14:49,709 to regard this harassment as discrimination 226 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:53,555 and sue you to the fullest extent of, but in full accordance with, the law. 227 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,407 But it won't come to that, since by definition 228 00:14:56,419 --> 00:14:58,714 a Selfosophist is incapable of murder. 229 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,236 Selfosophy teaches how to rid oneself of thoughts concerning others 230 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,676 and focus on what is most important - yourself. 231 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,195 You're familiar with the films of Bobby Wingood. 232 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,591 Bobby used to be an out-of-work actor, high on drugs, 233 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,992 beating up paparazzi who wouldn't take his picture. Then he found Selfosophy. 234 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:22,349 Learned how to reject rage and anger and focus on more meaningful emotions. 235 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:26,320 Now he's rich and famous and dating high-priced fashion models. 236 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,552 In fact, many of Hollywood's elite are Selfosophists. 237 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:33,634 How could a religious order with ties to Hollywood be involved in anything immoral? 238 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:37,350 But don't worry. I think I have something that will prove useful to you. 239 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,273 Detective, you obviously possess many unique skills, 240 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,557 but I sense that your negativity is holding you back. 241 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,598 Are you aware how often you use negatively associated words? 242 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,079 No, I don't neither. 243 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:52,836 And Mr Black, your profound solemnity is a sure sign of a noble nature, 244 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,595 but people are reluctant to open up to dark, gloomy brooders. 245 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,752 They are? 246 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:02,276 I can tell that you'd do almost anything to find this killer of yours, 247 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,479 but what are you willing to do to find yourselves? 248 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,233 (Chung) Every unhappy person is unhappy in their own way. 249 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:22,518 Happy people are all alike, especially Selfosophists, 250 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:28,516 whose positive-thinking therapies make every day a beautiful day. 251 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,511 (alarm) 252 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,754 Yes. 253 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,790 This is the 27,466th time I've had to brush my teeth, 254 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,349 and I never get tired of it. 255 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:50,358 Oh, boy! A traffic jam. And road construction to boot. 256 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:57,957 Darn. It's not whether my team won or lost, it's how they played the game. 257 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,207 Bu! Even a positive-thinking, goal-orientated 258 00:17:03,219 --> 00:17:06,757 entrepreneur like Napoleon had his Waterloo. 259 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,058 "Every unhappy person is unhappy in their own 260 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,152 way. Happy people are alike, especially... 261 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,231 Selfosophists." 262 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:19,871 Sometimes it's good to laugh at yourself. Keeps you humble. 263 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,849 (man) Since you can't control others, isn't it 264 00:17:40,861 --> 00:17:43,111 better to control your feelings towards them? 265 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,157 Chung ridiculed all that I hold sacred. 266 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,709 And with Selfosophy so close to respectability... 267 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,918 Since you can't control others, isn't it better to control... 268 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,071 He makes fun of using the Onan-O-Graph. 269 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,355 "(shouts) Neg" - 270 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,751 (calmly) Negative feelings directed at others is never constructive. 271 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,276 Instead of giving out hatred, why not give a gift? 272 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:07,151 Even if it's unappreciated, you'll feel better about yourself, won't you? 273 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,353 Yeah. 274 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,752 I'll send this writer a gift, just to show him that we can take a joke. 275 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:28,711 Even if that joke is a sad, spiteful, stupid piece of sh... 276 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,199 (phone rings) 277 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,078 - Frank Black. - Mr Black. 278 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,276 This is Jose Chung. 279 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:38,752 I hope you don't mind my calling you, but Detective Geibelhouse gave me your number. 280 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:42,435 No, not at all. In fact, I was just reading your story. 281 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:47,230 It's amusing. Although I'm not too sure I'm comfortable with the tone. 282 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,676 I'll take that as an unqualified rave. 283 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,754 Mr Black, the reason I'm calling you is, 284 00:18:54,840 --> 00:19:00,597 I received something in the mail that I think you will find of some interest. 285 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:10,560 Yet another pretty example of life imitating the very alt it condemns. 286 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,759 - You don't seem disturbed by this. - A writer wants his work to affect people. 287 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:19,357 You'd prefer the effects not be expressed by death threats, but... 288 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,590 beggars cannot be choosers. 289 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:27,073 Besides, the antagonist in my story sends many such threats before acting upon them. 290 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,755 Just because this person copied one element 291 00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,314 doesn't mean he'll follow the whole story. 292 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,472 Well, let's hope he doesn't follow the ending. 293 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,594 You, uh, didn't read the whole story, did you? 294 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,996 - Well... - The Selfosophist psycho 295 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,754 finally confronts the writer, killing him. 296 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,390 The police give chase, but because he keeps a positive attitude - 297 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,518 "I can get away if I think I can get away"... 298 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,877 he gets away. 299 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,474 That's very downbeat. 300 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,757 Life is downbeat, Monsieur Noir. 301 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,153 I've got another case, so all I can really advise is... 302 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,632 You know, your work is utterly fascinating to me. 303 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:18,430 Do you think it's possible I could... tag along? 304 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:22,434 I mean, just, you know, as an observer, of course. 305 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,434 Is the only reason you're interested in me because I'm involved with... 306 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,080 The Millennium Group? 307 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,357 I've become aware of your mysterious little group. 308 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,638 But no, I have no plans to include them in my millennium book. 309 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,155 You have my word as a writer. 310 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,718 You can learn about a person from the books on their shelves. 311 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,555 Campus security told me this guy taught comparative religions. 312 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,475 It wasn't until I saw these Nostradamus books 313 00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:53,397 that I realised this case was millenniumistic. 314 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,590 Frank. Thank God you're here. 315 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:05,151 - It's Amos Randy, the Nostradamus scholar. - I've consulted with him a few times. 316 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:09,791 So did the Group. The police were thinking disgruntled student. We think otherwise. 317 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,874 It may have been a student, but this is not about grades. 318 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,989 "Blood rains upon the first ignorant tyrant. 319 00:21:24,001 --> 00:21:26,519 Second falls with voice in holy woods." 320 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,367 - "Third antichrist destroyed to serve man." 321 00:21:29,379 --> 00:21:30,958 - Lines from Nostradamus? 322 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,919 Phrases from different quatrains, all jumbled up. 323 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,470 This is from a book somewhere in this room. 324 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,274 Looks like he's targeted victims he considers Nostradamus's antichrists. 325 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,896 The first ignorant tyrant was the professor? 326 00:21:47,908 --> 00:21:48,911 Is this it? 327 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,549 The page fits. This must be the attacker's book. 328 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,599 - Then the killer can't be a student. - How do you know that? 329 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:04,119 Dog-eared pages. Highlighted passages. Margin notations. 330 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,275 This book has actually been read. It can't be a student's. 331 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,199 Uh, Frank... Can I consult with you for... 332 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,396 Who is that rather peculiar man? 333 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:24,192 It's the writer Jose Chung. He's here researching a book about the millennium. 334 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:28,160 - The Group's not interested in publicity. - Not about our Group. Not about us. 335 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,870 He's working on a case that could be of great interest to the Group. 336 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,031 - A Selfosophist was found... - Whoa, whoa. 337 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,953 Selfosophy? No, Frank. No, no, no, no. 338 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,078 What is going on? We've never backed away from anything. 339 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,436 Why, we've even looked at evil incarnate. 340 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,080 Evil incarnate can't sue. 341 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,992 All I'm saying is, be careful what you say around your writer friend. 342 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,755 So, imagine the girlfriend going off to college, 343 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,435 discovering all these new ideas and brilliant professors. 344 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,115 The blue-collar boyfriend tries to read some of her books. 345 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,477 You know, to show that he has an interest in her interests. 346 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,710 So the girl breaks up the relationship. 347 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:11,475 The boy's world is shattered. His own personal apocalypse. 348 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,473 But, in his madness, he finds... 349 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,039 This is very good. 350 00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:19,397 In his madness, he finds an explanation for his unhappiness. 351 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,552 Nostradamus, you see, wasn't predicting world events. 352 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,270 He was predicting the cataclysmic events of this poor boy's life. 353 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:30,069 So, fulfilling the prophecies as he interpreted them, 354 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,198 he kills his ex-girlfriend's teacher. 355 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,198 - With a pickaxe. - What the hell's going on here? 356 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,079 - I'm profiling. - Based on what? 357 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,350 The coded message. I cracked it. 358 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:48,037 You see, the "voice in holy woods" refers to the Hollywood Movie House Theater, 359 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,272 currently showing an Orson Welles film festival. 360 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:57,151 Orson Welles was the voice-over narrator of the film The Man Who Could See Tomorrow. 361 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,629 A documentary about... 362 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,637 - Nostradamus. - Mr Chung. 363 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,555 Can I have a word with you, just for a moment? 364 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,519 Certainly, yes. Excuse me, please. 365 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:13,955 - I thought that was very good. - You promised you'd be an observer. 366 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,998 That was before I realised how similar our jobs are. 367 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,674 You see, based on some vague details and notions, 368 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:24,231 you try to sketch out a person's past, in order to imagine their future actions. 369 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,631 Detection, dramaturgy - it's all the same. 370 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,030 Yeah. You can't erase blood. 371 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,719 (Chung) “Don't be dark, “ say Selfosophists. 372 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,316 Bu! How can you not be, when your job is to... 373 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:52,513 The agony and humiliation of being a human is in every line I've ever written. 374 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:58,278 And it's written in every line on the face of Frederick Blork. 375 00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:02,877 God, I love his face. Not in that way. No one could love his face that way. 376 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,590 It's hideous. Bu! Beauty is not always found in the beautiful. 377 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,957 Just as sanity is not always found in the insane. 378 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,162 (Frank) Nothing connects Ratfinkovicifs 379 00:25:12,174 --> 00:25:14,637 assailant with Chung's threatener, and yet... 380 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:19,669 such a reaction to the story suggests someone unaccustomed to insubordination. 381 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,168 His profession might be dictatorial in nature. 382 00:25:22,180 --> 00:25:24,231 - Complete control over his underlings. 383 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:29,156 A management executive, or a foreman. Or maybe a writer. 384 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,837 (Roland) Newton: Mr Chong is writing. He's not to be disturbed by anybody. 385 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:39,472 McGrain: By anybody? I'm Rocket McGrain. 386 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:44,396 McGrain punches Newton right in the balls, knocking him out. 387 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:49,475 Boy, my writing?» really improved since I got this new software. 388 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:54,396 Dissolve to: interior, Rico Chang's office. Night. 389 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,996 In his palatial of lice, the cocky hack cranks out more venomous fiction, 390 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,754 cackling with snotty glee. 391 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,274 (Chung sighs) 392 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:06,035 This book will be the death of me. 393 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,475 I just can't write any more. 394 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,670 What possessed me to want to be a writer anyway? 395 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,474 What kind of a life is this? 396 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,511 What else can I do now? 397 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,672 With no other skills or abilities. 398 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,276 My life has fizzled away. 399 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,636 Only two options left. 400 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:35,193 Suicide, or become a television weatherman. 401 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,517 Like television Weathermen, 402 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,230 giving information one could gather simply by looking out the window, 403 00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,518 forensic prof tiers provide lime of practical value. 404 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,390 Mr Blork, however, not only intuits specific details, 405 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,552 but, to better comprehend a particular pathology, 406 00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,520 he's willing to submit himself to that very madness. 407 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,939 (man) Utilising these copyrighted techniques 408 00:27:02,951 --> 00:27:05,356 will help brighten the darkness of your mind. 409 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:10,116 Let us now try an easy visualisation therapy. Are you ready? 410 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,350 - Yeah. - (man) Good. 411 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,919 Picture in your mind something you've seen recently that disturbed you. 412 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:21,358 It can be a stain on your favourite shirt, or a scratch on your new car. 413 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:26,276 Just close your eyes and try to picture an unpleasant image. 414 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,591 Have you pictured an image? Good. 415 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,648 Now picture a deflated beach ball. Inflate 416 00:27:52,660 --> 00:27:55,710 this beach ball with your disturbing image. 417 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,555 Now push this dark beach ball away from you. 418 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:03,634 Just push that ball, and watch it float away from your mind. 419 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,679 That's it. Keep pushing that unpleasantness away. 420 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,351 - (phone rings) - Frank Black. 421 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,319 Hey, Frank. It's Geibelhouse. 422 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,713 I don't mean to be too downbeat here, but we got another dead body. 423 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:37,033 The ushers say it was her ex-boyfriend. They tried to stop him, but he escaped. 424 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:41,193 - Was she a student of Dr Randy's? - Yeah, but she was an English lit major. 425 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,671 Which is why she was reading Chung's book, I guess. That's the guy. 426 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,355 - They look so happy together. - See, that just goes to show. 427 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:53,469 Happiness is not a given. You gotta strive to maintain your upbeatness. 428 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,439 Have you been reading Selfosophy books? 429 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,955 It's investigative research. 430 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,509 Don't be so dark. 431 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:15,238 Well, we've positively lD'd the guy. Now we just have to... 432 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,233 - What's the matter? - It's this Selfosophy thing. 433 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,711 You have to focus on your priorities. We've got to track down this killer. 434 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,634 Before he attacks his third antichrist, as your profile predicted. 435 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,678 No, it was Chung's profile that predicted this murder. 436 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,469 Are you suggesting we recruit Jose Chung to be in the Millennium Group? 437 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:37,631 I've come up with a new profile. My secret admirer is a writer. 438 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,360 That conforms with mine. How did you come up with that? 439 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,159 Well, he sent me another gift today. 440 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,989 Now, read the inscription. 441 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:52,190 "Here's what a real writer does - enlightens while he entertains." 442 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,159 "Plus, the murder victim is a famous author, hint hint." 443 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,516 Only the writer would send that. 444 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:02,754 A writer needs everybody to read and love his work, even people he wants to kill. 445 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,430 This was written by Onan Goopta. 446 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,878 Ghostwritten and ghostbought by Selfosophists. 447 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:14,557 On a regular basis, they go into stores and buy multiple copies of Goopta's books. 448 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,031 Just so they land on the best seller list. It's so brilliant. 449 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:23,240 You know, I've been thinking of creating my own army of surplus book buyers. 450 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,960 Frank, come join me. 451 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:31,240 - The continuation of your threatener's... - Maybe he'll be there tonight. 452 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,915 - Be where tonight? - I'm doing a signing at Baltleby's Books. 453 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,411 You are already courting disaster by staying 454 00:30:37,423 --> 00:30:39,790 here, let alone making a public appearance. 455 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,998 Monsieur Noir, unlike serial killer profiling, 456 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:47,916 writing is a very depressing and lonely profession. 457 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:52,233 Any chance I get to make contact with my readers I must take. 458 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,877 It gives me the will to go on. 459 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,151 This is how it will all end. 460 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:08,394 Not with floods, earthquakes, falling comets, 461 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:12,030 or gigantic crabs roaming the Earth. No. 462 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,475 Doomsday will start 463 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,440 simply out of indifference. 464 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,762 I'm sorry. I guess I'm bitter because nobody 465 00:31:22,774 --> 00:31:25,273 came for me to sign my freakin' books! 466 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,949 If you don't mind my asking, you're writing a book about the millennium, 467 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,077 yet you don't believe in the prophecies. 468 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:45,156 At the start of the '90s, they predicted major breakthroughs for the neurosciences. 469 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,995 "The decade of the brain", it was supposed to be. 470 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:52,118 Instead, it was the decade of... 471 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:54,912 body piercing. 472 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,073 Now, why should the millennium predictions be any more accurate? 473 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,835 But there's the religious component. Do you not believe in God either? 474 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,550 There are times when I've been, yes, a devout believer. 475 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,951 And other times I have been a staunch atheist. 476 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,351 And sometimes, I've been both. 477 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,273 During the course of the same sexual act. 478 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,591 Don't be dark. 479 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:24,356 Personally, I think this is a very significant time in mankind's history. 480 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:29,389 But that's what every man throughout history has said about his time. 481 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:34,592 Look at all these books. So much significance. 482 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,071 But will they still exist a thousand years from now? 483 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,518 One, maybe two, writers will still be read. Can you name the two? 484 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,718 - Well, Shakespeare, and... - That's one. 485 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,155 Shakespeare and Chung. 486 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,476 No. Thank you. No. 487 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,393 - Shakespeare and Goopta. - Goopta? 488 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,677 Selfosophists have gone to great lengths to safeguard 489 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,320 the eternal circulation of his writing. 490 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,680 They may not be read by the end of the next millennium, 491 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,879 but they still certainly, certainly will literally exist. 492 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,351 How the hell would they preserve these for that long? 493 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,035 If I told you, I would have to kill you. 494 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,680 Oh, I wish that was a joke. 495 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,676 I'm sorry I haven't read more of your books. 496 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,798 I'm sorry I had to cut you and your group out of my new book. 497 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,793 You said you weren't going to write about... You cut us out? 498 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,953 I just didn't feel you were millenniumistic enough. 499 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,263 (Frank) “It was the 37th murder by the same 500 00:33:51,275 --> 00:33:53,789 serial killer, but no one knew who he was.“ 501 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:58,750 “One thing's for sure. He had tons of unresolved personal problems.' 502 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,545 "The victim was a famous writer, but the cops 503 00:34:01,557 --> 00:34:04,153 didn't have a clue why he'd been targeted." 504 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,959 “The mood was very bleak, until...“ 505 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:12,670 Boys, boys, boys, lighten up. This is a homicide, not a funeral. 506 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,594 McGrain. Thank God you're here. We got a real ugly case. 507 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,751 - Want to view the body? - Is there blood? 508 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,717 Of course there's blood. 509 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,789 Then thanks, but no thanks. Whatever goes 510 00:34:22,801 --> 00:34:24,998 into the peepers ends up in the neurobiology. 511 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,356 I only look at things that are pretty. 512 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,687 Would you like to come over to my apartment 513 00:34:29,699 --> 00:34:32,116 and take my portrait? Bring a wide-angle lens. 514 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:37,149 But you just can't close your eyes to the darkness, the bleak side of life. 515 00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:40,551 I'm Rocket McGrain and I do whatever I want to maintain my upbeatness. 516 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,837 That's all well and good, but we got a murder to solve. 517 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,514 This case is a piece of cake with ice cream on the side. 518 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,876 Are you gonna use your profiling powers? 519 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,191 I don't need to. I know what killed this writer - his bad writing. 520 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:57,195 He wrote downbeat stories about depressed people doing dark things. Who wants that? 521 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,510 People don't wanna know how rotten mankind is, 522 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,399 they wanna be enlightened while being entertained. 523 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,632 That's what real writers do. To serve man. 524 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,040 Watts. 525 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,119 Peter, call Geibelhouse and meet me at Jose Chung's hotel room. Now. 526 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,272 One of his titles is To Serve Man. 527 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,431 I hope it's not a cookbook. 528 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,195 It is the book the girl in the theatre was 529 00:35:25,207 --> 00:35:28,277 reading. Chung is the killer's third antichrist. 530 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,191 (phone rings) 531 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,077 Oh. 532 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,231 Rocket McGrain, I presume. 533 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,190 Writing more blasphemy about Selfosophy? 534 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,430 I'm trying, but it's awfully noisy in here. 535 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,273 You know, you're exactly howl imagined you. 536 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:10,958 As are you. Although I didn't expect such a flair for the dramatic. 537 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,549 Cranky, miserable. Sarcastically bitter. 538 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,439 I'm always grouchy when facing a deadline. 539 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,150 Maybe that's because you call them a "deadline". 540 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:25,074 You might react more positively to them if you called them a "liveline". 541 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,231 Or a "birthline". 542 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,350 If you're here to kill me, fine. But please 543 00:36:30,362 --> 00:36:33,475 refrain from murdering the English language. 544 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,870 I'm pretty handy with the language myself. 545 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,874 In fact, maybe I'll create a new definition for "deadline". 546 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,076 Too late! 547 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,436 I'm done. 548 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:54,436 As if I'd allow you to publish our secrets, to ridicule all our beliefs. 549 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:02,354 It's not just your beliefs. I ridicule a whole bunch of other beliefs. 550 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,854 Why? Why bring pain to people trying to wipe 551 00:37:04,866 --> 00:37:07,071 away their pain and find true happiness? 552 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:11,199 If I used your therapies to wipe away my pain, I'd disappear. 553 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,160 And if my right to choose amusement wherever I want, 554 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:18,471 - if that were wiped away too, I'd die. - You'll die all right. 555 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,318 You're supposed to say that line more out of 556 00:37:21,330 --> 00:37:24,351 the side of your mouth - "You'll die all right." 557 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,594 This is all just a lark to you, isn't it? 558 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,591 Certainly not. 559 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,951 Humourless people like you scare the hell out of me. 560 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,078 But I've developed a few therapies of my own. 561 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:43,712 I've learned to appreciate the preposterousness of any profundity. 562 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:49,591 And, in my distress, I am able to find the smallest, most absurd detail. 563 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:54,470 Yes. As if God were looking down, winking at me, and letting me in on the joke. 564 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,474 Well, my god doesn't wink. 565 00:37:57,560 --> 00:37:59,915 Don't I know it. 566 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,717 I once knew your god. 567 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,440 He worshipped me. 568 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,433 He thought I was a literary genius. 569 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,080 And I was then. 570 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:16,518 And then he asked me what I thought of his writing. 571 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,591 And I told him. 572 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,877 "Goopta, you stink." 573 00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,631 Because he did. 574 00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:30,477 I never saw a man other than myself, a grown man, cry so hard for so long. 575 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:36,998 I put my arm around him. I said "It doesn't matter that I don't like your work." 576 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:41,472 "What matters is that you enjoy doing it. You must do what makes you happy." 577 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:46,509 But I didn't know that what would make him happy would be to be a deity. 578 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:48,800 So. 579 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:55,149 You are here to kill me because I once told God to not be dark. 580 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,320 Isn't that funny? 581 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:12,918 So feel free to use your Onan-O-Graph and your therapies, 582 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,231 if that's what it takes to make you happy. 583 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,596 And I truly mean this. 584 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,830 Good luck to you, buddy. 585 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:26,393 But please allow me to wallow in my own misery in peace. 586 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:33,349 And if I should look up from my downbeat abyss and find you to be a fool, 587 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:37,399 that's no right for you to commit upon me a foolish act. 588 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:46,630 No. Wrong is wrong, happy is happy, and death is... 589 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:52,591 Inevitable. I believe McGrain would call this a diversionary tactic. 590 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,957 - Who the hell's this? - The Selfosophy psycho. 591 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,034 - Are you all right? - Uh-huh. 592 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,550 Die, you dark bastard. 593 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,956 All right! My gun jammed. 594 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:30,718 Maybe it'll read better all jumbled up like this. 595 00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:40,074 A third antichrist destroyed. To serve man. 596 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,319 Hell's bells. 597 00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,036 Hey, don't try it. You'll never make it across. 598 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,078 Not with that negative attitude I won't. 599 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,071 No! 600 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,831 (tyres screech) 601 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,829 Geibelhouse! 602 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,150 - Is that you, Frank? - Yeah. 603 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:25,711 - Who was this? - The Selfosophy psycho. Tried to get away. 604 00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,030 Looking really downbeat. 605 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:32,953 Hey, Frank, thanks for the tip. The boys just caught the guy coming out the front. 606 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,317 - What guy? - The Nostradamus nutball. 607 00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:42,833 Frank. 608 00:41:57,720 --> 00:42:00,030 Fr-Frank? 609 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,911 What? 610 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,557 Don't you just love that moustache? 611 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:12,751 Yeah, it's... 612 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,709 (Chung) Well, all's well that ends well. 613 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:25,953 That's easy for Shakespeare to say. He'll be around for another millennium. 614 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,317 But what of our own millennium? Will it all end well? 615 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:33,394 No one, of course, can know. That, of course, doesn't stop anyone from guessing. 616 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,474 And the nature of these predictions always revolve around the usual suspects: 617 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,439 salvation, andlor self-satisfaction. 618 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:44,195 With that in mind, I humbly add my own prophecy 619 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:48,239 of what the dawn of the new millennium shall bring forth. 620 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:54,236 One thousand more years of the same old crap. 621 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,476 Visiontext Subtitles: Paul Burns 622 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,397 (child) I made this! 623 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,071 ENGLISH SDH