1
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:14,704
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
2
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,708
and 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
3
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:36,097
DALE: Hey, guys, how
do I look on this one,
4
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,071
huh?
5
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,631
We're not here to
joyride the toilets, Dale.
6
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,199
If you can't get enough fun
7
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,643
out of helping me buy
new handle bushings,
8
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:47,238
there is something
seriously wrong with you.
9
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,446
KAHN: Hey, Hank Hill.
10
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,115
What were you doing
in plumbing aisle?
11
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,555
Need new crescent moon stencil
12
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,456
for outhouse? (laughs)
13
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,551
(sighs)
14
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,289
I'm doing home
improvements, Kahn.
15
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,990
Aw! Trying to improve your home
16
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,931
like putting lingerie
on a monkey.
17
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,457
Better to save up all
your dog-fighting money
18
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,732
and buy ticket to
Arlen Parade of Homes.
19
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,102
I'll have you know
20
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:14,074
that my house is
part of Texas history.
21
00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:16,804
Yep. It was built by
the great-grandson
22
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,869
of Captain T. Anderson Kearney
23
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,711
who fired the first shot
at the Battle of Gonzalez.
24
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,549
Hey, maybe I should enter my
house in the Parade of Homes.
25
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,750
DALE: Hey, who forgot
to change the toilet paper?
26
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:34,287
PEGGY: You know, this
closet would look a lot bigger
27
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,662
if you took out my shoes and
replaced them with Nancy's.
28
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,190
Well, we don't need any
Hollywood special effects
29
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,668
for people to see what
a great house we've got.
30
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,035
Hey, maybe we can put
31
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,667
T. Anderson Kearney's brass
boot remover by the door.
32
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,906
Kind of an exclamation point
for when people leave the room.
33
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,776
Talkin' about ol'
house beautiful, man,
34
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,112
talking' 'bout dang ol'
swim-up no bed pool, man.
35
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,640
Talkin' 'bout just like
dang ol' Wilt the Stilt, man,
36
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,380
see no double
teams in his day, man.
37
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:00,785
Well, thanks, Boomhauer.
38
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,290
I just hope the people
on the Parade of Homes
39
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,814
say the same thing.
40
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,359
Welcome to the Bobby Hill Room.
41
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:14,061
No flash photography
on the trolls, please.
42
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:17,894
(sighs)
43
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:22,171
Uh, hey, uh, Bobby, you know
what might spruce this room up?
44
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:25,577
A nice display case for
your troll action figures,
45
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,137
with solid wood doors.
46
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,639
You know, so people won't
be tempted to steal them.
47
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,879
Okay.
48
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,581
Um, aren't they
called troll dolls?
49
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:37,090
(sighs): Yes.
50
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,490
Now, watch closely, Bobby.
51
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,517
This house is going
to be yours someday
52
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,530
and you're going to need to
know how to take care of it.
53
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,499
Can you hammer in a
nail with a single blow?
54
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,559
This isn't a circus, Bobby.
55
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,093
But I could.
56
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,766
BOBBY: Dad, help me!
57
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,575
Help me! I'm drowning!
58
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,785
Oh, Bobby, you'd had
such a good few years.
59
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:07,820
I wasn't me.
60
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,947
The wall's leaking.
61
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,395
Good Lord,
62
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,591
it looks like it's coming
right out of the stud.
63
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,424
It's okay.
64
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:21,992
It's okay, babies.
65
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,333
Daddy's here.
66
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,238
Now, let's get you out
of these wet clothes.
67
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,782
(gasps): What kind of
68
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,684
a sick bastard runs a
water pipe through a stud
69
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,153
without installing a nail guard?
70
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,349
I don't know!
71
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,320
Well, the water damage
looks pretty minor.
72
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:49,386
Yeah, at Lone Star Home and
Casualty we see some doozies.
73
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:52,422
The Matthew McConaughey
"water weenie" claim comes to mind.
74
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,867
Yeah, well, about my wall...
75
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,062
Don't worry, Mr. Hill.
76
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,867
We'll hire someone
to come in here
77
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,270
and get this wall fixed up
78
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,036
before that Parade
of Homes tour.
79
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,533
Uh, I don't really like
strangers touching my walls.
80
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,103
Maybe you could just pay me
81
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,377
and I'll get the supplies
and fix it myself.
82
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,441
Sorry, but company
regulations require
83
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,612
we use licensed and
bonded contractors.
84
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,314
But I can absolutely assure you
85
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,549
they do a first-rate job.
86
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,717
(sighs): Okay.
87
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,159
Now, would you like to be
tested for mold while we're at it?
88
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,185
We usually do one after
any type of water damage.
89
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,458
Won't cost you anything.
90
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:24,988
I guess. Sure, go ahead.
91
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:25,999
(clears throat)
92
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:27,227
Excuse me.
93
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,736
Do I need to file a
claim for my loss?
94
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,170
HANK: Yeah, uh...
95
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,299
you're going to have to give
those to the insurance company
96
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,071
so they can assess
them properly.
97
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,204
I'm sure you know
what to do with them.
98
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,511
HANK: Don't leave any
excess joint compound
99
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,815
on the threads, and
always wipe the pipes down
100
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:48,447
when you're done as a
courtesy to the next plumber.
101
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:50,821
Now, let's see if that
outlet needs rewiring.
102
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,052
I'll do it.
103
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,459
Just, uh, hand
me that volt meter.
104
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,366
Hi, I'm Steve Goodman.
105
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:02,028
I'm here to check
the room for mold.
106
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,469
Huh, so that's what
you use to test for it.
107
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,669
Boy, I've never seen
one of those before.
108
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,803
You think I could
give it a try, Steve?
109
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,575
Nope.
110
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,445
I'm done here.
111
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,512
Okay, who wants to turn
off the circuit breaker?
112
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,112
Too late. I call it.
113
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:26,523
Now remember, Hank, the Parade
of Homes is not a competition.
114
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,029
But this is what
we're up against.
115
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,908
HANK: That's pretty
nice for new construction.
116
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:32,991
MAN: Can I...
117
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,626
help you? (both gasp)
118
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:38,435
Uh, yeah, we're in the Parade
of Homes next week, too.
119
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:40,940
Hank Hill, single-
story, ranch-style.
120
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,943
We were just
admiring your place.
121
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,239
Nice shutters.
122
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,609
Well, thanks.
123
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,876
That means a lot coming
from another parader.
124
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,577
Still trying to get the
place looking presentable.
125
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,779
It's funny, I spent
my whole life
126
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,186
dreaming about
owning my own house.
127
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,555
Now all I dream
about is the next thing
128
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,584
that needs to be painted
or polished or replaced.
129
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,789
I love those dreams.
130
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,527
I hate to toot my own horn,
131
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,467
but this wall looks pretty good.
132
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,094
Let's enjoy it now
133
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:13,664
before Bobby puts up that poster
of babies dressed as strawberries.
134
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,142
Hank, it's our first looky-loo.
135
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,006
Okay, be cool.
136
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,142
(knock on door)
137
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,846
Welcome.
138
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,445
Knocks pretty nice, doesn't she?
139
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,319
That's solid oak hardwood.
140
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:30,881
No pressed filler there.
141
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,358
Now notice the...
142
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,156
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you
might want to save that
143
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,628
for someone who's
not on the clock.
144
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,096
I'm Rob Holguin, Techno-Pure.
145
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,723
Your insurance company sent me.
146
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:40,028
Oh, uh, Hank Hill.
147
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,659
What can I do for you?
148
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,896
You can put your hand down
149
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,427
and step two feet away from me.
150
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:46,133
You may be contaminated.
151
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:49,040
What? Your house has
tested positive for mold.
152
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,099
Aah!
153
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,372
Yeah, uh, you might not want
154
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,811
to take such deep breaths.
155
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,515
I've got mold?
156
00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:02,749
Well, that can't...
157
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,417
I mean... how does...
158
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,686
God, is it hot in here?
159
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,250
I'm really hot.
160
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:10,264
Uh, Mrs. Hill, maybe
you could get him a chair.
161
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,425
I'm going to make a
small exploratory incision
162
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,592
so I can have
163
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,728
a little look-see here.
164
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:22,800
Thar she blows, my great
green whale Aspergillus.
165
00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,640
You're lucky you
caught this leak early
166
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,237
before this mold really spread.
167
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,875
I've got green stuff inside
my walls and I'm lucky?
168
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,248
Relax, Mr. Hill.
169
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,150
Rob Holguin is going
to do everything it takes
170
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,586
to get rid of this mold,
171
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,299
and you're insurance is
going to pick up the tab.
172
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,985
Everything from
frictional irrigation
173
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,788
with a concentrated
chlorine solution,
174
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,988
to forced atmospheric
dehydration.
175
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:44,759
So wait. You're saying you're
going to rub it with bleach
176
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,061
and then blow it dry?
177
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,067
(scoffs)
178
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,625
Well, in layman's terms, yes.
179
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,330
Well, I've got some
bleach and a fan.
180
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:51,804
I could probably do it myself.
181
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,170
(scoffs)
182
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,984
Every joker with a bottle
of Clorox and a Vornado
183
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,032
thinks he's an expert.
184
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,305
Look, unless the job is done
185
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,779
by a certified mold
expert, such as myself,
186
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,578
your insurance company
will drop you like, well...
187
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:06,108
I'd drop this, but then
there'd be mold on your floor.
188
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,450
Hank, let him do it.
189
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,080
He's a professional.
190
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,920
Can you guys get
it done in two days?
191
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,358
This house is on
the Parade of Homes.
192
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,521
This is the kind of thing
they take a picture of
193
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,326
and put it on
their blooper reel.
194
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,300
Well, lucky for you,
Aspergillus is my specialty.
195
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,326
I should have it calling
me daddy in no time.
196
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,566
So are we okay to
stay here like this?
197
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:26,800
Okay?
198
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,809
Well, that's a medical
question, Mrs. Hill.
199
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,538
I'm not a medical doctor.
200
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,239
Now I'll need you
both to sign this waiver
201
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,679
which certifies I've informed
you that's a medical question
202
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:35,977
and I'm not a medical doctor.
203
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,919
Hank, listen to this:
204
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,951
"Mold has been known
to cause itchiness, asthma,
205
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,826
chronic fatigue
and disorientation."
206
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,991
Bobby, quick, what's
your middle name, huh?
207
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,398
When's my birthday?
208
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:54,628
Here, follow my finger.
209
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,329
Your birthday
is... I don't know!
210
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,530
Hank, the mold's got him!
211
00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,198
Help me, Dad!
212
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,572
Oh, will you two just calm down?
213
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:04,134
Now it's just a
little patch of mold.
214
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,702
We'll let Holguin do his job
215
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,270
and everything will be fine.
216
00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,475
And the boy never knew
your birthday, Peggy.
217
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,417
He always just
piggybacked on my card.
218
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,321
(sighs)
219
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:19,259
Yep.
220
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,191
Mm-hmm.
221
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,321
(echoed breathing)
222
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,524
Yep.
223
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,658
HANK: Dale, take
that dang thing off.
224
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,998
We're perfectly
safe here in the alley.
225
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:32,005
Heck, we'd all be perfectly
safe if we slept in Bobby's room.
226
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,267
A sleep-over?
227
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,365
I'll get my jammies.
228
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,739
Don't let him in, Hank.
229
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,141
With his foot fungus,
230
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,612
he'd just be tracking
more mold into the house.
231
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,376
That area between his toes
232
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,974
is as rich and fertile
as the Nile River Delta.
233
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,815
Can we still have
the sleep-over?
234
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,650
I'll hang my feet
out the window.
235
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,315
KAHN (over P.A.): Attention,
236
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:51,722
mold patient zero.
237
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,886
I know your house not good
enough for Parade of Home.
238
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:58,160
Maybe next month, Parade
of Toxic Waste Dumps.
239
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,757
(laughing)
240
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,769
(sighs)
241
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,101
What?
242
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,436
How could we still have mold?
243
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,169
I thought you said
you got rid of it.
244
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,676
I did, from the leak.
245
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:10,938
But there must be
246
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,468
a secondary infestation.
247
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,344
The latest sample from this room
248
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:17,782
showed an airborne mold level
of 500 parts per cubic meter.
249
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:19,753
Ah!
250
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,414
Hmm, nothing.
251
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,124
What are you doing?
252
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,891
I can't get rid of
this other mold
253
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,989
until I find it, Mr. Hill.
254
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,659
And insurance
regulations require
255
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,726
that we reduce the
level of mold in here
256
00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:37,703
to that found in
the air outdoors.
257
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,797
400 parts per cubic meter.
258
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,866
400? Bobby, quick, get inside!
259
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,400
No, no, I mean, stay outside!
260
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,707
Get... get...
261
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,940
get in the car
262
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,778
and turn on the air
conditioner, now!
263
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,579
HOLGUIN: Mrs. Hill,
Mrs. Hill, it's okay.
264
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:54,577
400 parts per cubic meter is
like a fly speck in a Big Gulp cup.
265
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,989
Wait, wait, it sounds like
there's almost no difference
266
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,118
between the air in
here and the air outside.
267
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,355
What's the problem?
268
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,919
Uh, I could try and
explain it to you,
269
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,487
but if you want this place ready
270
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,056
in time for that
Parade of Homes,
271
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,590
it would probably
make more sense
272
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:08,795
for me to just do my job.
273
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,664
Thank God. I thought
this thing was broken.
274
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,206
There's the
culprit... Alterneria.
275
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,807
You're not so tough now
276
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,319
without your buddy
Stachybotrys, are you?
277
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,184
Are you sure that's even mold?
278
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,281
It could just be
an old dust bunny.
279
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,951
I wish it were a dust bunny.
280
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:34,483
In fact, I wish this whole damn
wall were full of real bunnies,
281
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,156
but this looks like mold
that's been here for 20 years.
282
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,496
What's on the other
side of this wall?
283
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,467
(gasping): Our bedroom!
284
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,200
Remember that night I
thought I heard something
285
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,833
and you said it was nothing?
286
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,070
Well, thank you.
287
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,271
You just signed
my death warrant.
288
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:55,840
If we've been sleeping in this
room with mold for 20 years,
289
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,784
how come we've never
had itching or asthma
290
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,810
or any of those other
problems we read about?
291
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,789
Well, that's probably because
the government hasn't found
292
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,416
a scientific link between mold
293
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,324
and any known
health problems... yet.
294
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,228
Then why do you keep
banging holes in my walls?
295
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,665
Because I'm the hunter,
and mold is my antelope.
296
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,828
And if I don't bang
holes in your wall,
297
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,928
my conscience bangs
holes in my head.
298
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,338
Holguin here. I need backup.
299
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,467
I got a bi-room situation
at Rainey Street.
300
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,008
Hey, scrape that out
more carefully, will you?
301
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,644
It's a wall, not a
pumpkin. Whoa, whoa.
302
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,848
You're going to have to
stay out of the hot zone.
303
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,914
That's both bedrooms
and the master bath.
304
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,152
But where are we going to...
305
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,216
Automatic ice maker.
306
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,260
Oh, boy.
307
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,785
What? What, oh, boy?
308
00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:43,956
Seal off the kitchen.
309
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,124
Now hold on.
310
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,632
This is getting...
Dog house is hot!
311
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:47,827
Aspergillus.
312
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,495
All right, that does it.
313
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:50,901
Everybody out, now.
314
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,375
Hey, hold on.
315
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:57,377
I said stop.
316
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,378
Mr. Hill,
317
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,743
I understand you're upset,
318
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,771
but you really don't
want us out of your house.
319
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,112
Yes, I do.
320
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,880
Okay, but if I get
on this walkie-talkie
321
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,648
and call in a Code Charlie,
322
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,748
my guys'll be out of
here in 36 seconds flat.
323
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,452
That's how long it'll
take for your house
324
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,960
to become worthless. What?
325
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,005
Look, you've been informed
there's mold in this house,
326
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,123
which means if you ever
want to sell this property...
327
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,462
I don't want to sell.
328
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,264
I plan on passing this
house down to my son.
329
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,430
Ooh, goodie
gumdrops. Thanks, Dad.
330
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,234
A worthless mold house!
331
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,840
Do you have any
pet birds, Mr. Hill?
332
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:31,901
No.
333
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:32,968
Good.
334
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:40,114
Can three family members
share a living room
335
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,179
without driving
each other crazy?
336
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,382
(sighs)
337
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,823
Booby, I've asked
you several times
338
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:46,485
to stop making that joke.
339
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,119
Now, go to your room.
340
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,495
18, 19, 20.
341
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,229
Mr. Hill, you've got to get out.
342
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,861
Aah! You get out!
343
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:58,337
Your whole house
is contaminated.
344
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,397
The neg air environment's
been compromised.
345
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,375
The what? There's
no time to explain
346
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,377
how it wasn't my
fault... now move!
347
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,242
That towel could
be filthy with mold.
348
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,941
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
349
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,313
Forget the toys, the insurance
company will pay for everything.
350
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,353
Now move!
351
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,283
DALE: Leave it to you
352
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,159
to make a hospital
gown look unsexy, Hank.
353
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,362
This says 123 Rainey Street.
354
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,735
This is on the Parade of Homes?
355
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,967
That can't be right.
356
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,099
Hank?
357
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,542
Oh, God, no, the
Parade of Homes.
358
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,341
Is today the fifth?
359
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,007
Uh...
360
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,039
this ranch style rambler,
361
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:46,780
with upgrades to the
doors and windows and roof,
362
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,287
uh, was built
363
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,722
by the great grandson of, uh...
364
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,783
T... (sighs)
365
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,054
Smile, Hank.
366
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:57,222
I want to get a picture
of you next to the mold.
367
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,452
(sniffing)
368
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,578
(whimpering)
369
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,055
I know, girl, I know.
370
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:26,456
Hey, what do you know?
371
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,393
Erin Brockovich has got mold.
372
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,919
And Ed McMahon.
373
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:32,363
Oh, it killed his dog, Muffin.
374
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,697
Maybe we'll meet them
at a survivors group.
375
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,396
If Lone Star Home and Casualty
376
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,598
is so interested
in looking for mold,
377
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,231
you should start with this room.
378
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,174
It was growing on the soap.
379
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,801
I'm afraid there's
nothing I can do
380
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,675
about the mold in
your hotel, Mr. Hill.
381
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,407
They don't have a
policy with Lone Star,
382
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,313
so there's no potential
liability on our end.
383
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:50,611
(couple shouting)
384
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:53,142
They're arguing again, Hank.
385
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,882
Or making love.
386
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,980
WOMAN: You pig!
387
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,354
Is that what you wanted?
388
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,756
Making love.
389
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,419
(door opening and closing)
390
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,985
(footsteps approaching)
391
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,527
Uh, hey, yeah.
392
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,625
You got a busted latch
393
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,363
there, neighbors.
394
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:12,531
Yeah, anyway, my lady
and I were wondering
395
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,371
if you'd care to join us
for a Lynchburg lemonade.
396
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:19,971
Uh, thank you, but we were
just about to sit down to dinner.
397
00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:22,345
Oh, well, cool,
cool, no biggie, okay.
398
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,543
Y'all have a good one.
399
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,749
There, I invited
them! You happy now!
400
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,088
PEGGY: Okay.
401
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:34,992
Who's ready for Peggy Hill's
coffee-maker ramen, huh?
402
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,325
(sighs)
403
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,504
(bass thumping)
404
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,008
You'd think music that
loud would kill the bugs,
405
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,272
but it doesn't.
406
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:55,110
I tried sleeping in the
empty swimming pool,
407
00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:57,639
but, you know, the dogs.
408
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:58,878
(sighs)
409
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,386
Can I just go home?
410
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,583
I promise I'll put on
one of those space suits.
411
00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:07,754
Dang it, Bobby.
412
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,854
If T. Anderson Kearney could
fight to give Texans a home,
413
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,128
then I can fight
to get yours back.
414
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,724
Rob Holguin is going to need
415
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,702
to use this boot
remover on his ass
416
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,227
when I'm done with him.
417
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,272
Hello, I'd like to
speak to Mr. Holguin.
418
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,606
Sorry, he's at lunch.
419
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,077
Can I take a message?
420
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,706
You don't have enough room
on that "While You Were Out" slip
421
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,340
for what I have to say.
422
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,819
(laughing)
423
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,617
All right, Holguin, I'm
through with your...
424
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,980
Hey, hey, you're that
425
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,856
mold tester guy, Mr. Goodman.
426
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,418
Well, what... what are
you two doing together?
427
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,191
Hey, guys. They just
put all the stuff out
428
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,357
for make your own sundaes.
429
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,060
My insurance adjuster?
430
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,533
This is ridiculous.
431
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,094
You're all in on this
scam together, aren't you?
432
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,867
All you guys care
about is money.
433
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:53,905
Okay, fine.
434
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,307
How much to get rid of you?
435
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:58,804
Is that a Cirrus machine?
436
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,210
(laughing)
437
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,182
Yeah, but it'll only let
you take out $300 a day.
438
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:05,548
That's just not going to cut it.
439
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,644
Nope, not when you got
440
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,450
a deal as sweet as ours.
441
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,422
Heck, I could throw a
dart at the phone book
442
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,119
and I bet you the house I hit
would test positive for mold.
443
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,855
(chuckles): And
the phone book, too.
444
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,487
Say that other
thing you say, Rob.
445
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,122
You know, the "Yee-hah."
446
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:22,067
Oh, yeah— "Yee-hah! There's
gold in them there walls!"
447
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,933
(laughing)
448
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:27,737
(sighs)
449
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:28,832
Excuse me, sir.
450
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,502
I'm looking for no pest strips
451
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,409
for both crawling
and flying pests.
452
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,142
The motel I'm staying
at is a little dreary,
453
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:37,377
so if you have the ones
that look, you know,
454
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,408
a little festive,
that'd be good.
455
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,681
Oh, hell, yeah.
456
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,450
Dude, we got one's
with snowflakes,
457
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:43,922
we got ones with
burros on them...
458
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,584
I mean, they're
all pretty beautiful.
459
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,673
(doorbell rings)
460
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,144
I'm coming.
461
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:10,672
Morning, Mr. Holguin.
462
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,617
I was wondering if
we could have a word.
463
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,245
Sure, come on in.
464
00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:16,482
Love to show you
my new flat screen TV.
465
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:18,013
Just got it.
466
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:21,356
So, Mr. Holguin, I
thought I'd come over here
467
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,590
and ask you one
more time, politely,
468
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,598
to please leave my house alone.
469
00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:28,795
Sorry, Mr. Hill, but I just
ordered a new couch.
470
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:32,669
That big TV just makes
this one look so... dinky.
471
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,196
Well, at least I tried.
472
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,869
Hey, Bill, why don't you
make yourself comfortable.
473
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,434
Thank you, Hank.
474
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,512
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you.
475
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:45,677
I just got myself certified
as a trained mold expert.
476
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,277
Took me 30 minutes.
477
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:48,651
Great.
478
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,432
Maybe I'll see you at
our conference in Aspen.
479
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:53,051
But, you know, the insurance
company will never let you
480
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,651
test your own house and pass it.
481
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,129
Now that would be a
clear conflict of interest.
482
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,258
I know, that's why I'm
going to test your house.
483
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,936
Bill, you ready?
484
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,096
Ready.
485
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,573
Ew!
486
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:09,700
Yeah, pretty gross, huh?
487
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,210
With the fungus and all.
488
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,439
Hey, is fungus a
mold? Let's find out.
489
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:14,447
Whoa, there.
490
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,778
Now, now, now take it easy.
491
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,681
Okay, let's just
talk about this.
492
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,346
Hey, you're testing
right near his feet.
493
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,820
Sorry, I'm new at this.
494
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,824
But after I send the results
to your insurance company,
495
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,758
I'm sure they'll send
someone out here
496
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,727
and they'll do a
more thorough search.
497
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,787
Punch a few holes in your wall,
498
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,389
rip up your floorboards.
499
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:34,832
You know, I heard nine
out of ten houses have mold.
500
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,359
But who knows, maybe
you'll be one of the lucky ones.
501
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,463
Okay, okay. What do you want?
502
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,443
Okay, Mr. Hill, you passed.
503
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,245
Your house is officially
mold-free. Good-bye.
504
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,341
Now, hold on.
505
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:52,681
We're not quite done yet.
506
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,710
You two owe me a parade.
507
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,655
So if you'll just step this way,
508
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,021
and I know you will...
509
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,184
Come on, Bobby.
510
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,488
Let's show them
511
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,552
the house that's going
to be yours someday.
512
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,858
(clears throat)
513
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,024
This ranch-style rambler
514
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:08,261
was built by the great grandson
515
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,235
of T. Anderson Kearney.
516
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,738
Uh, you might want
to put your case down.
517
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,003
This is going to take a while.
518
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,236
Now, the funny thing
about this boot remover...
519
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,575
Well, no so much
funny as educational...
520
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,171
Is that it was owned
521
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,739
by the man who
fired the first shot
522
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,718
at the Battle of Gonzalez.
523
00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:32,658
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
524
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,753
DALE(echoed breathing): Yup.