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Welcome to the
Audubon Society's 43rd
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and Peggy Hill's First
Annual Backyard Bird Count.
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Look! The rare and beautiful
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Texas Nuthatch.
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Well, write it down,
people! Write it down!
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I have asked our Native
American friend, John Redcorn,
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to join us as our
expert bird identifier.
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My people believe,
when the world was new,
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the creator made all the birds.
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He colored their feathers
and told them to greet each day
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with a chorus of songs.
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Why you stop fooling around
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with that John Redcorn?
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He is so smoking, smoking hot.
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Hey, Dale's hot, too...
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in his own way.
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Gribble team ready.
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I'm assuming you'll
want the heads
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for identification purposes.
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You're supposed to
count the birds, Dale.
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Eventually, they
will be counted.
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Oh! A bird!
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It's so, so beautiful.
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Ow.
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Get off.
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Get off! Get off me!
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Dang it, Dale.
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You are a professional
exterminator.
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You said you could handle this.
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I'm on it.
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These birds don't stand a chance
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against this ultrasonic
bird distress emitter.
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I was up all night listening to
sounds that'll drive you crazy.
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How long does this
have to go on for?!
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Forever!
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Scram. Move! Scoot. Go.
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I can't get inside
these pigeons' heads!
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Bill, you're a filthy
flocking animal.
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Would this scare you?
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Ooh.
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No.
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That's it.
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This job is too much for me.
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It's time to bring
in the big gun,
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the top-shelf pigeon
exterminator of Heimlich County,
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the pigeon god.
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Well, great. Call him up.
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She's a woman,
and are you a fool?
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The pest-control world
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isn't your fuzzy-colored,
propane candyland
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where you can just call people.
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To get the baddest
of the baddest ass,
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promises must be exchanged,
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payola paid,
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reputations put on the line.
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Sounds kinda scary.
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Oh, it is, and then some.
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If the pigeon god...
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Or to her parents,
Sheila Refkin, Ph.D...
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Decides to stoop down to
help our piddly little cause,
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it will be as if witnessing
the beginning of time!
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Three more days and I am 21.
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Whoo! This is so exciting.
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I'm gonna be so much
older and maturer.
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Oh, I'm gonna get
really wasted at my party,
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so would one of you guys
be my designated driver?
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I'd love to.
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Wow. Thanks, Aunt Peggy.
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I will make your birthday party
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so much fun, and
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I can be there to
gently remind you
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that as the daughter
of an alcoholic,
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you have a genetic gun
pointed at your head,
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and with every drink
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you are adding another
bullet to the chamber.
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Would you be my
designated driver?
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No, I-I don't really... No.
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It's okay, Uncle Hank.
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I'll just drive home drunk.
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There are so many great
things I can crash my car into...
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A ditch, a telephone
pole, a busload of babies!
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Fine.
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Bobby, eat your chicken!
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I can't eat this.
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They're watching me.
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I did it.
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A meeting has been arranged
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with the pigeon god's assistant.
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We leave in five.
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He's not here yet.
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It's a setup!
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Oh.
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Be cool.
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Ako mangiangan ang
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kalapati diyos.
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Hmm.
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Siya nasain maari diyan bukas.
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Arlen's best exterminator
is coming to our alley.
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What should I have her sign?
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My canister? My traps?
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My face?
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Oh, my God!
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If I start acting like a fool,
take me out with this poison.
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Oh, wow.
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How y'all doing?
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Sheila Refkin, Heimlich
County Pest Management.
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This is one
impressive infestation.
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Was this neighborhood
built on a landfill?
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Uh...
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Dale Gribble.
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Uh! Dale's Dead Bug!
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Did I say Dale's
Bug Dead? Idiot!
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Dale Gribble!
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Whoa, that's some kinda
spray wand you got there.
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Bet you could blast one hell
of a gopher with that thing.
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I could blast through a
horse to get to the gopher.
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Look at the way she
applies that chemical.
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She has clearly
read the directions.
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Man, that dang ol' Sheila,
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looking all pretty
like that, man.
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I'm talking 'bout my bedroom.
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Not talking about
no pigeons, man.
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Dale, honey!
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Would you mind grabbing
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a caulking gun
and helping me out?
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Do you know how many years
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I've wished Peggy
would ask me that?
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Naah!
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I don't deserve to be
administering chemical
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next to an exterminator
of your magnitude.
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I'm also not licensed to.
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Oh, pooh.
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You have to squeeze
the trigger gently.
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Just pretend like you're holding
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a pretty girl's hand.
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Pigeons hate anything
sticky on their feet.
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When the gel gets on their foot,
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they fly away because
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they can't handle the sensation.
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Eh!
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And then Luanne
ditches me for Hank.
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I have driven for 20 years
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without an accident... one
that wasn't my fault, anyway.
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Who is that woman?
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Oh, that's the new
hotshot exterminator.
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Anyway,
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so Luanne says to me...
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She's trouble.
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But wouldn't that
be poetic justice?
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I come back to Dale,
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and then he runs off
with another woman?
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Oh... I would say it's ironic,
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but you're the one
it's happening to.
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You can call it what you want.
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Excuse me.
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Dang ol'...
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Nancy!
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I was just telling Boomhauer
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that Sheila's can and your can
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share some
striking similarities.
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Show him your can, Nancy.
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I don't think so.
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You know I don't
like you looking
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at other ladies'... areas.
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How can I help it?
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She's got your hot
bod and my hot mind.
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It's like some
science experiment
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that's gone horribly right.
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Dale, honey!
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Could you bring me up
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the Johnson's Pestgo
Bird Repel Gel 320ml?
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Oh, man.
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I could talk about
the Johnson's Pestgo
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Bird Repel Gel 320
mil for the rest of my life.
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Hey, Nancy, could
you grab it for me?
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It's right behind you.
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You have no idea what that is!
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Oh, I-I shouldn't
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laugh at you.
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But when you picked
up the Diazanon...
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Oh, I got to send that
in to "Bugs and Giggles."
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Yep.
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Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
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You're so funny.
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Yup.
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Pardon us for being excited.
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We're unleashing some
pretty supreme chemical
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in the alley this afternoon.
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Tell them about the
chemical, will ya, huh?
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Well, as you know,
pigeons live in a flock.
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So we pick the alpha male.
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Then we feed him a mild
hallucinogen called Avitrol.
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Which is cleverly
disguised as a kernel of corn.
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Bill, don't eat
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any corn on your lawn.
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And then the other pigeons
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see their alpha
male flipping out.
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They say, "Hey, we don't
want any of that mess,"
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and the flock relocates itself.
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Isn't she a freaking genius?!
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No, wait.
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She's a god.
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Oh...
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So I'm doing an overnight
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at the Econosuites this weekend.
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Pigeons, rats, silverfish.
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You feel like coming along?
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00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,146
You're asking me to join you
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on your route?
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I'd love to.
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And tomorrow they're going
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on an overnight
extermination job
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00:10:14,964 --> 00:10:16,933
just like when
John Redcorn and I
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00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,935
went on our "migraine
cruise" to Ensenada.
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00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:21,301
Well, you need to tell
Dale just to back off!
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00:10:21,337 --> 00:10:22,737
Use this if you have to.
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Oh, how can I say
anything to him?
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I was Unchristian to
Dale for a long time.
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I just want my sug back, sug.
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00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,775
Maybe you should try to be
more involved in Dale's life.
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00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:35,217
You know, be a
bigger part of his world.
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00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:39,450
But Dale's world is so...
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I don't really want...
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00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:41,784
No, I wouldn't either,
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00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,590
but you seem to
want to save this thing.
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00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,294
Yep.
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00:10:54,337 --> 00:10:56,806
Mm-hmm.
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I totally agree
with you, Sheila.
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00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:04,645
The second Lionel
Jefferson was much better.
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The first guy was
all 'fro, no show.
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00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:13,420
Are we simpatico or what?
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00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:15,618
I'm on the phone.
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00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:16,702
Sheila, let me call you back.
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00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:18,922
Fine. Here's my ear...
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00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:20,453
Touch it.
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00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:22,465
I killed a spider in
the kitchen today.
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I cannot explain the rush I got.
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00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,292
So... I was thinking...
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00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:31,297
there must be all kinds of
fun stuff to kill on your route.
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Mind if I tag along?
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00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:33,966
I dunno, Nancy.
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It takes a special kinda
lady to do what I do.
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I can be a special kinda lady.
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Ah! Nancy! Shoot it!
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This is what you do?!
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So I'll pick you up at midnight?
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Honk twice so I don't shoot ya!
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Sug. Sugar.
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00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,335
Suggie, sug, sug.
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00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:10,006
I just wanted to come out here
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and give you a little present
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00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:15,308
for including Dale
on this big job tonight.
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00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:16,910
It's a gift certificate.
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00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,922
I figured a hard-working
woman like yourself
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might enjoy a nice massage.
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00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:24,357
"John Redcorn's New
Age Healing Center."
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00:12:24,394 --> 00:12:25,362
Sounds relaxing.
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00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,830
Make sure to ask for
the "migraine special."
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00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:31,096
That's the "migraine special."
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00:12:31,134 --> 00:12:32,397
Oh, look at the certificate.
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00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:33,403
It expires in two hours.
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00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,631
You should go now. Now.
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00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:40,269
Are there any special areas
you'd like me to focus on?
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00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:46,272
Well, Nancy Gribble
said I should ask for the...
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00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,627
"migraine special"?
266
00:12:57,660 --> 00:13:00,960
I'm sure Nancy told you
about the time I cured
267
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,557
four of her migraines
in one night.
268
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,625
Actually, I'm really
more Dale's friend.
269
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:06,636
It's weird.
270
00:13:06,669 --> 00:13:08,638
Dale and I have only
known each other a few days,
271
00:13:08,671 --> 00:13:12,369
but we have this, um...
almost primal connection.
272
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:14,240
You know, like bugs do.
273
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:17,406
To receive the full benefit
of my therapeutic massage,
274
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:19,939
you must quiet your mind.
275
00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:20,951
Oh, I can't help it.
276
00:13:20,984 --> 00:13:23,419
I'm so excited
about my job tonight.
277
00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:25,422
Dale and I have so
much fun together.
278
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,424
The other day,
as a practical joke,
279
00:13:27,457 --> 00:13:29,358
he put a dead possum
in my Igloo cooler.
280
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,360
We laughed!
281
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,393
Dale...
282
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:37,891
What am I supposed to wear
to Luanne's birthday party?
283
00:13:37,934 --> 00:13:39,011
I need something that says,
284
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:42,005
"I am not some weird,
old guy in the bar.
285
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,939
I am here against my will."
286
00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:46,875
Some kind of
designated driver you are.
287
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,674
Pressure's already
too much for you, huh?
288
00:13:49,712 --> 00:13:51,305
Well, God help Luanne.
289
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,714
Oh! Happy birthday, Luanne!
290
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:57,853
Nancy, I feel I should warn you.
291
00:13:57,887 --> 00:13:58,998
Man, this is an awkward call.
292
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:01,753
I think this woman
is interested in Dale.
293
00:14:01,791 --> 00:14:03,760
You shouldn't let
him go out tonight.
294
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,762
Well, that's why
I sent her to you.
295
00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:07,923
What about the massage?
296
00:14:07,964 --> 00:14:08,761
It was just a massage.
297
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:10,357
And she assumed
the tip was included
298
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,596
in the gift certificate.
299
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:18,131
What's up, Hefner?
300
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,506
Hey, you take that back.
301
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:21,511
I am the designated driver,
302
00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:25,538
and I'd like a wristband
that reflects that.
303
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:33,322
That guy is so handsome.
304
00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,757
And you can tell by
how hard he's laughing
305
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:39,820
at that lady's joke, that he's
got a great sense of humor.
306
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:42,024
He's got a great sense
of ass in those jeans.
307
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:43,465
Hey, hey, hey.
308
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:49,461
Don't normally pick
up chicks in bars.
309
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,168
Oh, God, no, no, no.
310
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,474
I can't be here for this.
311
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:58,071
Hey, what's your
name, beautiful?
312
00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:01,812
It's Luanne, but you
could call me beautiful.
313
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:05,515
I'm totally flirting in a bar!
314
00:15:05,555 --> 00:15:09,515
I have never needed a
beer so bad in my entire life.
315
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:14,259
I don't normally pick up chicks
in bars, but you're special.
316
00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:16,789
Kind of like the sunrise...
317
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,131
in Italy.
318
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,260
Have you ever been?
319
00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:21,168
You would love it.
320
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:22,797
Oh, my God!
321
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:27,004
Are you inviting me
to go to Italy with you?
322
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:33,747
I'm sorry, but this
is just so asinine.
323
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,843
I'm going to get
another free soda.
324
00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:37,444
The sunrise...
325
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,551
You ready?
326
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:50,727
Pop-per! Pop-per! Pop-per!
327
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:53,129
No, I... I am the designated...
328
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,832
Aw!
329
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:07,059
Oh, I tell ya, man,
that dang ol' pigeon's
330
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,143
freakin' out, man.
331
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,185
It's the chemicals.
332
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,882
He's tripping. And pretty hard.
333
00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:14,481
Come on.
334
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:20,828
We'll get you
through this, little fella.
335
00:16:23,366 --> 00:16:25,528
I don't know why you need
to go out with her tonight,
336
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,900
but I'm not going to stop you.
337
00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:28,131
I'm so nervous.
338
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:29,730
Can you smell my armpit?
339
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:32,604
I don't think my
deodorant's working.
340
00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:35,134
Dale, you cannot go!
341
00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:36,321
You just tell your little friend
342
00:16:36,345 --> 00:16:37,745
to go on home.
343
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,476
Well, that's not very friendly.
344
00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:43,577
I never told you to tell your
friend John Redcorn to go home.
345
00:16:43,619 --> 00:16:48,751
See you in the morning.
346
00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:01,001
This is going to be
a long night, sug.
347
00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:02,505
Thanks for waiting with me.
348
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:03,267
Mm-hmm.
349
00:17:03,306 --> 00:17:06,743
We will get through
this together.
350
00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:23,285
Maintain... Maintain...
351
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:24,726
Maintain...
352
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,286
Yeah, man, you're just
home, you know, just chillin'
353
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,970
with your lady in your
ol' nest, you know.
354
00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:30,557
You got little bird
in the sky, man.
355
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,059
You know, you did poop
on my car, you know,
356
00:17:34,103 --> 00:17:35,765
but we'll talk about
that later, you know.
357
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,467
Don't worry about it
right now, you know.
358
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:41,739
Ah. I just fell down,
and you know why?
359
00:17:41,777 --> 00:17:43,211
I'm drunk.
360
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:45,078
So am I!
361
00:17:45,114 --> 00:17:46,343
But you're our driver.
362
00:17:46,382 --> 00:17:48,044
I can't drive, and
you can't drive.
363
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:52,419
How are we going to
drive if we can't drive?
364
00:17:52,455 --> 00:17:55,289
Yeah, I know,
it's terrible, but...
365
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,953
I put this song on. It's mine.
366
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,487
You've played the same
damn song six times in a row.
367
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:05,365
"New rule"... you can't
listen to my song anymore.
368
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:09,202
Oh. I'm having so
much fun, you guys.
369
00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:11,469
Ah, happy birthday, Luanne.
370
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,499
Let's do this
every Friday night.
371
00:18:18,981 --> 00:18:20,244
This is so great.
372
00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:22,411
For the first time
in my life, I feel like
373
00:18:22,451 --> 00:18:24,784
I'm really detecting rat urine.
374
00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:28,416
Dale, all we ever
talk about is work.
375
00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:31,916
Let's take a break.
376
00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:38,000
This is beautiful.
377
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,034
Where are we?
378
00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:40,832
It's where I park when the world
379
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,270
doesn't make any sense to me.
380
00:18:42,305 --> 00:18:47,209
Does this make any sense?
381
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,678
No!
382
00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:04,116
Look at all those
pests out there.
383
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,595
I wonder if we'll
ever win this war.
384
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:10,657
Don't you just find the mating
habits of animals fascinating?
385
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,431
When a pigeon wants to
mate, it makes this noise.
386
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,301
Interesting.
387
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,002
When cockroaches want to mate,
388
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:21,374
they flush all the air
out of their book lungs.
389
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,845
It sounds kind of like...
390
00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:30,820
Well, it's getting late.
391
00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:32,822
You want to go downstairs?
392
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:33,823
I got us a room.
393
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:37,054
I'm warming up some
brandy in the coffee maker.
394
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,288
Wait a second.
395
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,592
Are you attempting to know me?
396
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:43,030
Dale, you are one of
the sweetest, gentlest,
397
00:19:43,065 --> 00:19:44,693
funniest men I've ever met.
398
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:45,702
True,
399
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,203
but Sheila, I'm married.
400
00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:48,761
It's just us tonight.
401
00:19:48,804 --> 00:19:49,999
Oh, no, missy.
402
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:52,133
There are three
people here tonight.
403
00:19:52,174 --> 00:19:53,142
You, me
404
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,143
and my wife.
405
00:19:54,176 --> 00:19:57,237
I've taken two oaths in my life.
406
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:01,273
One to the NRA and the
other to Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
407
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,286
nee Nancy Hicks.
408
00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:06,153
I stood in front of
God and all my friends
409
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:09,090
swearing to be an
honorable and truthful man.
410
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,423
So I'm not going to lie,
411
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:15,159
I h-have felt a very small,
insect-like attraction for you,
412
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,165
but my wife
413
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:19,396
is the greatest
woman there ever was.
414
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,404
I think you should go.
415
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:29,009
Geez, woman,
416
00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:31,240
take a hint.
417
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:40,914
You heard me. I love my wife.
418
00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:42,117
Dale?
419
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,285
Man, you should have seen
420
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,317
the size of this
roach I couldn't kill.
421
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:48,422
We are never staying
at the Econosuites.
422
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,457
Hey, did you know Sheila
was trying to come on to me?
423
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,526
No. Really?
424
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,038
Yeah, she was all over me.
425
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:57,039
It was weird.
426
00:20:57,072 --> 00:20:58,734
She knows I'm married.
427
00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:02,302
Oh, wingo, I didn't
miss my show.
428
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,142
You want to watch it with me?
429
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,275
Sure.
430
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,769
That was a hell of a night.