1
00:00:31,048 --> 00:00:33,210
He approaches the green.
2
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,411
He thinks better of it
3
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,613
and backs away two steps.
4
00:00:36,653 --> 00:00:37,621
Three steps.
5
00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:38,622
Wake up, girl.
6
00:00:38,655 --> 00:00:40,624
You don't want to
miss all the excitement.
7
00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:43,320
Wesley Tung is now three inches
8
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,522
from the putting surface.
9
00:00:45,562 --> 00:00:46,962
Electrifying.
10
00:00:46,997 --> 00:00:50,456
Heart-pounding. That grass
was topped a few days ago,
11
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,230
but it's still a bit thick.
12
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,567
A terrible challenge.
13
00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:56,403
Hank, help me.
14
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,409
Help, Hank.
15
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,445
I'm just hearing
things. Right, girl?
16
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,448
This is an absolutely
crucial chip.
17
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,814
Please, Hank, help Bill.
18
00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:08,011
Help!
19
00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:13,580
Help!
20
00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:15,453
Not again.
21
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:16,492
Help me, Hank!
22
00:01:16,526 --> 00:01:17,892
I'm trapped!
23
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,322
Thanks, buddy!
24
00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:24,995
I was looking for
change under there,
25
00:01:25,035 --> 00:01:26,469
and I got stuck.
26
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,005
I'm ordering a pizza. Hungry?
27
00:01:29,039 --> 00:01:35,445
No, and don't
bring it to my house.
28
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,711
Agushing geyser
of golf greatness.
29
00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:41,685
Wouldn't you agree, Hank?
30
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:43,448
I forgot, you missed it.
31
00:01:43,487 --> 00:01:47,151
All told, a treasury of
golden golf memories,
32
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:51,685
but only for those who
actually saw this storied golf.
33
00:01:51,728 --> 00:01:55,290
You officially owe me one
memorable sports moment.
34
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,860
Dang it. Lately my scalp's
been itching like crazy.
35
00:01:58,902 --> 00:02:02,134
You, too? I thought my
Spider-sense was tingling
36
00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:03,834
to warn me of danger.
37
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,673
Unless we both
have Spider-sense.
38
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,678
Finally!
39
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,680
We can talk about
something besides
40
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,273
who ruined whose
golf-watching day.
41
00:02:12,316 --> 00:02:15,946
My scalp is itchy, too!
42
00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:16,954
It's lice, you know.
43
00:02:16,987 --> 00:02:18,080
What?! No, man!
44
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,487
There's a lady in town
45
00:02:19,523 --> 00:02:21,958
who does lice
treatment for school kids.
46
00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:22,992
She's so pretty.
47
00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:26,155
So, I stuck my arms
into a big pile of hair
48
00:02:26,196 --> 00:02:29,166
we cut off some new
recruits, and those little critters,
49
00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:32,397
they just hopped
right aboard me.
50
00:02:32,436 --> 00:02:34,996
If any of you guys know a
better way to meet the lice lady,
51
00:02:35,038 --> 00:02:36,097
I'd like to hear it.
52
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:37,801
You gave us all lice,
53
00:02:37,841 --> 00:02:42,745
you disgusting he-freak!
54
00:02:42,779 --> 00:02:45,613
Uh, hi, Hank?
55
00:02:47,484 --> 00:02:50,716
Boomhauer, your
bathroom is gorgeous.
56
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,416
Can I bring Nancy by tonight
57
00:02:52,456 --> 00:02:53,424
after dinner?
58
00:02:53,457 --> 00:02:55,688
Okay, everybody.
Heads in the tub.
59
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:01,563
Now, according to the label,
60
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,362
all the lice should be dead,
61
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,369
and our hair should be
bouncy and manageable.
62
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,370
So, how's everybody feel?
63
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:13,173
Man, dang ol' bunkered in, man.
64
00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:15,179
Talkin' bout clean out now, man.
65
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:19,741
I got no dang end
to this stuff, man.
66
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:22,945
Die! Die! Die!
67
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:25,078
Yup. Mm-hmm.
68
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,216
Gih... gih... gih!
69
00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:31,988
Pull it together, Dale.
70
00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:37,331
I don't want to have
to put the plastic cone
71
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,461
around your neck.
72
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,937
Hank, lice are nothing
73
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,032
to be ashamed of.
74
00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:45,042
If it's nothing,
75
00:03:45,075 --> 00:03:47,044
why are you still
wearing your shower cap?
76
00:03:47,077 --> 00:03:49,410
Am I? No... Why, so I am.
77
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,415
That is so funny.
78
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,713
I... well, I'll just take it
off when I go outside,
79
00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:56,914
where it'll be
easier to... take off.
80
00:03:56,953 --> 00:03:59,548
That got-dang Bill.
81
00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:00,955
Ever since Lenore left him,
82
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,017
I've done nothing
but cut him slack.
83
00:04:03,059 --> 00:04:04,288
He sleeps on my car,
84
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,796
he's always stealing
Ladybird's squeaky toys...
85
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,629
Remember when he kept
a chamber pot by his bed?
86
00:04:11,435 --> 00:04:14,735
He keeps burying his porno
in our backyard, and he...
87
00:04:14,771 --> 00:04:16,740
Well, I can't put
up with it forever.
88
00:04:16,773 --> 00:04:17,741
It ends today.
89
00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:19,801
Yup.
90
00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:22,004
Yu-up!
91
00:04:24,281 --> 00:04:26,546
Well, the lice lady's
booked up for weeks...
92
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:29,382
Big epidemic at the
Cub Scout jamboree.
93
00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:32,253
She says the only thing we
can do is shave our heads.
94
00:04:32,289 --> 00:04:36,351
Ding! Better idea. As an
exterminator, I will take steps
95
00:04:36,393 --> 00:04:39,386
to spare us the
shame of hairlessness.
96
00:04:40,931 --> 00:04:43,867
A mixture of
malathion and lindane.
97
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:46,529
Fairly harmless, according
to the government,
98
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:49,506
which has been squirting it
at you for most of your life.
99
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,871
Dang it, Dale, I don't like
100
00:04:50,907 --> 00:04:53,069
the whole head-shaving
thing either, but...
101
00:04:53,109 --> 00:04:55,635
Yup! Get lost, Bill!
102
00:04:55,679 --> 00:04:58,581
Observe.
103
00:05:01,618 --> 00:05:03,951
Simple enough. Huh!
104
00:05:03,987 --> 00:05:06,582
And... tingling.
105
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:09,286
And... burning.
106
00:05:09,326 --> 00:05:12,728
Itching, itching... burning.
107
00:05:12,762 --> 00:05:15,527
And... blindness.
108
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,296
Intense burning.
109
00:05:18,335 --> 00:05:23,899
Hank, get your hose.
110
00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:26,842
Now! Hank!
111
00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,812
I want to play lawn games, too.
112
00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:32,282
But nobody wants Bill's
head on their lawn, oh, no.
113
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:36,480
"Bill has lice, he's no good."
114
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,684
"Blibbity, blibbity bloo."
115
00:05:39,723 --> 00:05:41,817
I suck.
116
00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:44,384
Huh... you usually get a case.
117
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,864
That's back when I had
friends to share beer with.
118
00:05:47,898 --> 00:05:49,696
Can I drink here?
119
00:05:49,733 --> 00:05:51,725
Nope.
120
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:07,210
Just you and me, mailbox.
121
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,516
There you go, buddy.
122
00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:13,080
Uh, sir, you can't do that.
123
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:17,117
Oops. I'm sorry, Fuzz... Fuzzy.
124
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,129
All right sir, time
to come downtown.
125
00:06:19,162 --> 00:06:21,063
I've got a 1-4-9 on a 3-4-4.
126
00:06:24,768 --> 00:06:27,067
Did you catch the
Northside burglar?
127
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:28,537
No, he's a drunk.
128
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,541
Is a 1-4-9 a burglary, Doug?
129
00:06:30,574 --> 00:06:31,837
You said 1-4-9?
130
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,844
I thought you said
"I got the burglar."
131
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:38,406
No, he said 1-4-9.
132
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:45,287
Sorry. I'm a little drunk.
133
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,450
I have always wanted
to use one of these.
134
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,255
Bobby, don't you have
something better to do
135
00:06:50,293 --> 00:06:52,194
than watch this?
136
00:06:52,228 --> 00:06:54,788
Oh, right... like I'm supposed
to go do my homework
137
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,800
when my dad is
getting his head shaved!
138
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,268
Let's get this done with.
139
00:06:59,302 --> 00:07:01,931
It'll be one less thing
to remind me of Bill.
140
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:04,874
Hank? Thank God you're home.
141
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:08,541
Well, where the
hell else would I be?
142
00:07:08,578 --> 00:07:10,945
I'm sitting here getting my
head shaved, thanks to you.
143
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:13,278
I'm in jail. I fed a mailbox.
144
00:07:13,316 --> 00:07:15,842
I only get one phone
call and I called you...
145
00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:18,354
my bestest, oldest
friend in the world.
146
00:07:18,388 --> 00:07:19,981
You have to come down here.
147
00:07:21,891 --> 00:07:22,551
No.
148
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,493
You're my... Hank!
149
00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:32,061
Oh...
150
00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:35,163
Nancy shaved me.
She did my armpits, too.
151
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,764
I feel so clean.
152
00:07:36,806 --> 00:07:40,265
Hank! Boomhauer
and me are shaved.
153
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,778
Are you shaved yet, Hank?
154
00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:43,780
Ooh, Hank, you are going to look
155
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,782
awfully studly when I'm through.
156
00:07:46,816 --> 00:07:47,784
Hmm?
157
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:48,785
What is...!
158
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:51,481
Hank! Why have you never
told me you have a tattoo?
159
00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:55,481
What? That's impossible.
I don't have a...
160
00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:56,652
I am looking right at it!
161
00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,662
Who is she, huh?
Your first love?
162
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:01,392
Some roadhouse tramp?!
163
00:08:01,431 --> 00:08:02,626
"Bill"?
164
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,760
Bwaaagh!
165
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,599
Got-dang it!
166
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:11,301
How could this be here?
167
00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:12,434
Get off me!
168
00:08:12,475 --> 00:08:13,943
Hank, it's a tattoo.
169
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:16,378
You cannot rub it
off with a washcloth!
170
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,109
Got-dang it!
171
00:08:18,148 --> 00:08:19,343
How does a man lose track
172
00:08:19,382 --> 00:08:21,715
of the back of his own head?
173
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,413
Ugh, a tattoo?
174
00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:26,753
I've been lying every
time I donated blood.
175
00:08:31,394 --> 00:08:33,761
'Atsa matter, buddy?
176
00:08:33,797 --> 00:08:37,461
I'm the matter.
177
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,332
I screw everything up.
178
00:08:39,369 --> 00:08:40,769
All my friends are mad at me
179
00:08:40,804 --> 00:08:43,000
because I gave them lice.
180
00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:44,632
You got lice?
181
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:46,575
I also spit when I talk.
182
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,339
And I fart when I spit.
183
00:08:48,378 --> 00:08:51,815
That's what makes
the world interesting.
184
00:09:01,424 --> 00:09:04,861
Hank? So, you're
the Northside burglar.
185
00:09:04,894 --> 00:09:06,226
Wait here a minute.
186
00:09:06,262 --> 00:09:09,892
Nancy! Will you bring
me a gun, please?
187
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:11,265
Knock it off, Dale.
188
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,270
I need to ask you
something serious.
189
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,363
Now, can you remember any reason
190
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:18,307
why any of us might
have ever gotten a tattoo?
191
00:09:18,341 --> 00:09:20,901
What kind of tattoo?
Like a barcode?
192
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,743
Because that would point
to the Rand Corporation.
193
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:25,749
Good night, Dale.
194
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:30,516
Mr. Hill, I have to tell you,
tattoo removal is very painful
195
00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:32,215
and time consuming.
196
00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:35,020
Are you sure you can't work
things out with this "Bill"?
197
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,492
I'm sure.
198
00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:38,859
Oh, come on, what'd he
do... Forget your anniversary?
199
00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:41,558
Look at another guy
with a little more hair?
200
00:09:41,598 --> 00:09:44,295
Bill is not my... anything.
201
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,462
I don't even know
how it got there.
202
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:49,200
I just want it off my head now.
203
00:09:49,239 --> 00:09:51,765
Sure, your fingers turn
blue from the barbicide,
204
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,504
but that's just part of the job.
205
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:55,409
You have a job? Sure.
206
00:09:55,445 --> 00:09:57,038
Gotta pay the mortgage somehow.
207
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,106
You got a house?
208
00:09:59,149 --> 00:10:01,744
Well, yeah. I got
it in the divorce.
209
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:03,378
You were married?
210
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,422
Guess we got a
nickname for you...
211
00:10:07,457 --> 00:10:13,454
"Hollywood."
212
00:10:13,496 --> 00:10:15,465
Well, if anyone can
explain your tattoo,
213
00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:16,522
it'll be Boomhauer.
214
00:10:16,566 --> 00:10:18,364
He figured out it was Dale
215
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:20,370
who was stealing
your paper, remember?
216
00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:22,963
Hey, man. Little
ol' Hank. Peggy.
217
00:10:23,006 --> 00:10:25,999
Oh, man, you didn't.
218
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:30,412
Find a little ol' skin
art, did ya, man?
219
00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:32,142
Dang ol' Hank.
220
00:10:32,182 --> 00:10:33,616
A dang ol' wild man.
221
00:10:33,650 --> 00:10:35,414
All right, Boomhauer. Spill it.
222
00:10:35,451 --> 00:10:37,716
Tell you what, why don't
you go ahead and relax?
223
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:40,417
Sit down a speck, I'm gonna
tell you a little story, man,
224
00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:43,392
'bout a long time ago, in a
dang ol' Arlen, far, far, away.
225
00:10:43,426 --> 00:10:47,022
You know, talkin'
'bout a simpler time.
226
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,032
You know, man,
bunch of crazy kids.
227
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:52,297
No bell bottoms, dang ol'...
none of that 'Disco sucks'...
228
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:55,362
Talkin' 'bout back
in the day, man...
229
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,601
I can't believe Bill joined up.
230
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,871
Every time I exercise
my freedoms,
231
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,105
I'll think of him
protecting them.
232
00:11:02,145 --> 00:11:05,206
I'll wait for you.
233
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,217
Boy, that's the third one today.
234
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,549
And none of them is going
to miss him more than me.
235
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:13,489
Or me. Or, dang ol'... dang.
236
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:14,821
Look at us, all mopey.
237
00:11:14,858 --> 00:11:16,622
This isn't any kind of send-off
238
00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:18,651
for a soon-to-be war hero.
239
00:11:18,695 --> 00:11:20,357
Road trip! Whoo-hoo!
240
00:11:20,396 --> 00:11:23,764
Big ol' D, man! Here comes.
241
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,768
Party!
242
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,599
Dallas! Can we see
243
00:11:26,636 --> 00:11:30,038
where Lee Harvey
Oswald was framed?
244
00:11:30,073 --> 00:11:32,338
Well, I just hope
you fellas don't go
245
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,935
and have too much
fun while I'm gone.
246
00:11:34,978 --> 00:11:37,504
We won't. This is
the last night of fun
247
00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,379
we'll have till you get back.
248
00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:40,906
Now I want to be the first one
249
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,249
to buy the Army man a drink.
250
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,254
The "Chainsaw." Huh.
251
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,984
Probably a hangout
for the lumber industry.
252
00:11:48,892 --> 00:11:53,057
Look out, enemies of America!
253
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,928
Here comes our friend,
254
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,263
Private First Class,
Bill Dauterive!
255
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,565
The man! Yay! To Bill!
256
00:11:59,602 --> 00:12:01,127
Dang 'ol, man.
257
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:02,399
Play "The Gambler!"
258
00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:05,567
Come on, play "The Gambler!"
259
00:12:05,608 --> 00:12:12,447
♪ You got to know
when to hold 'em ♪
260
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,246
♪ Know when to fold 'em ♪
261
00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:16,253
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.
262
00:12:16,286 --> 00:12:18,255
Every time I go to
the hardware store
263
00:12:18,288 --> 00:12:20,257
and the guy says,
"Okay, here's your bill,"
264
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,259
I'm going to say "No, it's not."
265
00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:23,260
"This is my Bill."
266
00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,261
Hey, jackass.
267
00:12:24,294 --> 00:12:28,163
How'd you like
to lose that finger?
268
00:12:28,197 --> 00:12:29,221
Whoa, whoa, there!
269
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:32,201
You watch your
language around GI Bill!
270
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:37,765
Take it easy, friend.
271
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:40,402
Aren't we all just here to rock?
272
00:12:46,616 --> 00:12:47,584
Boomhauer!
273
00:12:47,617 --> 00:12:50,781
Get Hank out of here!
274
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:54,882
So Bill saved my butt and
I never even thanked him.
275
00:12:54,924 --> 00:12:56,893
Oh, yes, you did, man.
276
00:12:56,926 --> 00:13:01,296
♪ Bill knows when to fold 'em ♪
277
00:13:01,331 --> 00:13:03,323
♪ He knows when to hold 'em. ♪
278
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,529
Boomhauer, stick with Hank.
279
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:08,834
It's going to be
a while with Dale.
280
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,238
I had a big dinner.
281
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:14,108
I tried to join up, too,
but they didn't take me...
282
00:13:14,143 --> 00:13:16,612
narrow urethra.
283
00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:17,646
Bill!
284
00:13:20,483 --> 00:13:22,611
Hey, man, d-dang... no, man.
285
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,549
Big, big letters, here to here
286
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:30,658
B-I-L-L. Bill!
287
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:31,752
Okay.
288
00:13:36,099 --> 00:13:38,762
Hey, man, dang... dang
ol' passed out cold, man.
289
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,736
L-let's d... let it go, man.
290
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:44,070
I accepted his money;
he's getting his ink.
291
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:45,075
Dang it.
292
00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:46,076
Oh, okay, man.
293
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:48,087
But let's not-not... across
the dang ol' chest, man.
294
00:13:48,111 --> 00:13:49,204
F-Find a d... someplace
295
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,738
where the dang ol'
sun don't shine, man.
296
00:13:52,782 --> 00:13:54,751
You know, I've
been talking about it
297
00:13:54,784 --> 00:13:56,753
like I thought you'd
never know, man.
298
00:13:56,786 --> 00:13:58,764
A dang ol' lice... threw in
that dang ol' curveball, man.
299
00:13:58,788 --> 00:14:01,223
Just like a got-dang
ol' Sandy Koufax, man.
300
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,322
Yeah, I guess I forgot
301
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,159
all about the Bill
that Bill used to be.
302
00:14:07,196 --> 00:14:08,789
I ought to kick my own ass.
303
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:10,800
You know, the real surprise here
304
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:12,165
is that those poor lice
305
00:14:12,201 --> 00:14:15,638
could ever have survived
off your cold, cold blood.
306
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:22,236
Mmm, Dr. Milford,
be straight with me...
307
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,439
what have I got?
308
00:14:23,479 --> 00:14:25,880
It's a heart murmur.
309
00:14:25,915 --> 00:14:27,315
Tune in tomorrow.
310
00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:28,249
Oh, no!
311
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,616
Aah, what happens?!
312
00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:31,018
A heart murmur?!
313
00:14:31,054 --> 00:14:33,523
Hey, come on, fellas,
you got to be patient, now.
314
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:37,490
Man, jail was a lot less
fun before you got here.
315
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:38,551
William Dauterive?
316
00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:40,495
Time for your court appearance.
317
00:14:44,534 --> 00:14:46,696
William Dauterive, $50 fine.
318
00:14:46,736 --> 00:14:48,364
Don't do it again.
319
00:14:48,404 --> 00:14:49,372
You're free to go.
320
00:14:49,405 --> 00:14:52,375
Pay on your way out.
321
00:14:59,182 --> 00:15:01,083
Excuse me, Your Honor.
322
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,086
What if I don't pay the fine?
323
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,246
If you can't pay,
324
00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:05,585
you spend two days in jail.
325
00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:07,487
I'm not paying!
326
00:15:07,523 --> 00:15:08,491
What?
327
00:15:08,524 --> 00:15:09,492
Whatever.
328
00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:11,323
Two days in jail.
329
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,692
Thank you.
330
00:15:12,728 --> 00:15:14,697
Bill, what the heck
are you doing?
331
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:17,029
What do you want?
332
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:18,364
Did you come to mock me?
333
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:20,233
No, Bill, I came to help.
334
00:15:20,269 --> 00:15:21,635
Well, you're a little late.
335
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:24,231
I'm hanging up on
you, like you did to me.
336
00:15:24,273 --> 00:15:27,607
And I might stay here
longer than two days.
337
00:15:27,643 --> 00:15:28,770
I'll commit another crime.
338
00:15:28,811 --> 00:15:31,474
Hell, I'll tell them I'm
the Northside burglar.
339
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:32,846
They'll lock me up
340
00:15:32,882 --> 00:15:34,214
and throw away the key.
341
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:35,218
That'll show you.
342
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,220
Come on, Bill,
you're being crazy.
343
00:15:37,253 --> 00:15:40,223
Bailiff, escort me home, please.
344
00:15:40,256 --> 00:15:41,724
Hey, I got an idea.
345
00:15:41,757 --> 00:15:43,953
You tell the guys
back in the cell
346
00:15:43,993 --> 00:15:45,393
I got electrocuted,
347
00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:47,397
then I'll jump out
and surprise them.
348
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,296
Bill! Bill! No, wait! Bill!
349
00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:58,104
Officer, I demand to see
Bill Dauterive immediately.
350
00:15:58,141 --> 00:16:01,873
If necessary, I'll be happy to
fill out the proper paperwork.
351
00:16:01,911 --> 00:16:04,881
Mr. Dauterive is
refusing to see visitors.
352
00:16:04,914 --> 00:16:07,042
He was quite specific.
353
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,815
I am not leaving this station
until I get to see my friend.
354
00:16:10,853 --> 00:16:17,089
Uh, sir, we really don't
do threats around here.
355
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:18,219
Bill! Bill!
356
00:16:18,261 --> 00:16:19,559
I need to talk to you!
357
00:16:19,595 --> 00:16:21,359
Go away!
358
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,798
Yeah, go away!
359
00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:25,631
Who are you?
360
00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:28,069
Who are you?!
361
00:16:28,104 --> 00:16:29,299
Now, get lost!
362
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:30,362
We're busy!
363
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,637
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole ♪
364
00:16:32,675 --> 00:16:34,667
♪ There's a hole in
the bottom of the sea ♪
365
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:37,043
♪ There's a leg on the frog
on the bump on the log ♪
366
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,048
♪ In the hole in the
bottom of the sea ♪
367
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,059
♪ There's a leg on the frog
on the bump on the log ♪
368
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,052
♪ In the hole in the
bottom of the sea ♪
369
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,054
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole ♪
370
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,056
♪ There's a hole in
the bottom of the sea. ♪
371
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,058
Yeah, the fat one keeps saying
372
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:52,653
he might be ready to
cop to those B & Es.
373
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:54,357
Hey, you want your pizza?
374
00:16:54,397 --> 00:16:57,424
Work on him until
you get a confession.
375
00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:01,528
You know, the fat
bald guy in the T-shirt
376
00:17:01,571 --> 00:17:02,571
wants to confess
377
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,938
to all those burglaries
on the Northside.
378
00:17:04,974 --> 00:17:05,942
Really?
379
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:06,943
So, Hollywood Dauterive
380
00:17:06,976 --> 00:17:09,036
wants to start doing
some hard time.
381
00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:12,048
Peggy, don't save
dinner for me tonight.
382
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:13,549
I'll explain everything later.
383
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:16,109
But right now, I'm
afraid I have to...
384
00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:18,144
break the law.
385
00:17:59,462 --> 00:18:01,954
I believe I'm in
violation of the law.
386
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:02,998
Go ahead
387
00:18:03,032 --> 00:18:04,000
and arrest me.
388
00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:06,264
Uh, sir, that's
not officially a law.
389
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:09,500
Eh, it's just store policy,
but I don't enforce it.
390
00:18:09,538 --> 00:18:11,598
I'm not even wearing
shoes back here.
391
00:18:27,590 --> 00:18:29,491
You scratched the bumper sticker
392
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:33,656
from my daughter's
school, jackass.
393
00:18:39,268 --> 00:18:41,897
Hey, brother.
394
00:18:41,937 --> 00:18:43,337
Yeah, the guards let me have
395
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,897
a tape recorder in here.
396
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,374
You want to hear
397
00:18:46,409 --> 00:18:48,186
what your confession
would sound like, just for fun?
398
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,678
Eh, I appreciate that.
399
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,840
I just don't want it to
sound too rehearsed.
400
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:52,905
Bill! Bill!
401
00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:54,348
Hey, Bill.
402
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,351
Hank?
403
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,613
What are you doing here?
404
00:18:56,652 --> 00:18:57,620
I came to help you.
405
00:18:57,653 --> 00:18:58,951
Don't confess.
406
00:18:58,988 --> 00:19:01,651
Well, why should some
criminal get to go to jail
407
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:02,989
and make me go back
408
00:19:03,025 --> 00:19:05,290
to my lousy life
without any friends?
409
00:19:05,328 --> 00:19:07,024
I'm your friend, Bill.
410
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,031
Prove it.
411
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,032
Prove it?
412
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,034
I've been your
friend for 25 years.
413
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,127
Who talked you out of
buying the houseboat?
414
00:19:13,169 --> 00:19:16,333
Who kept you from killing
yourself after Lenore left you?
415
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,501
Who listens to you for hours
after you've had a nightmare?
416
00:19:19,542 --> 00:19:21,568
And I'm happy to do it
because we're friends.
417
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:24,705
Heck, I even got myself
arrested just so I could talk to you.
418
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:25,715
Huh.
419
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,011
Yeah, and it turns out
420
00:19:27,049 --> 00:19:29,245
I also had your name tattooed
421
00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:30,480
on the back of my head.
422
00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:33,148
Really? Let me see it.
423
00:19:33,189 --> 00:19:34,282
Uh, actually,
424
00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:36,918
I just, kind of had it removed.
425
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:38,621
Very painful process.
426
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:41,096
Not because it wasn't
a great tattoo. But...
427
00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:42,098
Guard, I want to confess!
428
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:44,623
Ow, dang.
429
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:49,367
Uh, sir, do you
think I could have
430
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:52,034
a moment of your time?
431
00:19:52,074 --> 00:19:56,341
Gosh, that smarts.
432
00:19:56,379 --> 00:19:59,144
If you want, I can
frame it in barbed wire.
433
00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:00,672
Or snakes.
434
00:20:04,086 --> 00:20:05,554
Bill. Hey, Bill.
435
00:20:05,588 --> 00:20:09,320
Now what?
436
00:20:09,358 --> 00:20:12,328
You, uh... you
still got that mirror?
437
00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:14,523
Will you look at that?
438
00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:16,691
I especially like
the smiley face
439
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:20,134
over the "I."
440
00:20:20,169 --> 00:20:23,469
Wow. That must've
been incredibly painful.
441
00:20:23,506 --> 00:20:30,129
Yep.
442
00:20:30,846 --> 00:20:33,213
Looks like you're out
early on good behavior.
443
00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:35,184
If good behavior
is a factor here,
444
00:20:35,217 --> 00:20:37,448
I cleaned the toilets
and made the beds.
445
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:38,852
Sit down, baldy.
446
00:20:38,888 --> 00:20:41,983
Your court date's not till noon.
447
00:20:44,059 --> 00:20:46,528
Well, fellas,
looks like this is it.
448
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,609
I promised myself I wasn't
going to cry. Gee, Bill.
449
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:53,432
But look at me now.
Later, Hollywood.
450
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,371
Hank, if you want, I can
get myself locked up again
451
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:58,135
to keep you company till noon.
452
00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,734
No, no. You've paid
your debt to society, Bill.
453
00:21:00,776 --> 00:21:02,244
Now I'll pay mine.
454
00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:06,147
Okay then.
455
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,378
Okay.
456
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:19,192
Uh...
457
00:21:19,228 --> 00:21:21,390
Mr. Dauterive,
you're free to go.
458
00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:23,422
Uh... that's okay.
459
00:21:23,466 --> 00:21:27,369
I'm waiting for a friend.
460
00:22:07,109 --> 00:22:08,720
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole ♪
461
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,610
♪ There's a hole in
the bottom of the sea. ♪