Come on!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING)
Yeah!
(BUZZER BLARING)
(SPECTATORS CHEERING)
(CHANTING) Hatchet! Hatchet!
ANNOUNCER: Come on, Toros! Let's make some noise!
Nice to meet the pride of Trois-Riviéres.
I still got your Wings rookie card.
- So what's that worth? - Well, it's a collector's item.
They don't make them like you anymore.
So you want to go?
Square up. Good luck.
(SPECTATORS SHOUTING)
(GRUNTING)
(SPECTATORS CHEERING)
He didn't get a hand on you?
You're gonna be a force in the show.
SPECTATORS: (CHANTING) Hatchet! Hatchet! Hatchet!
(JEERING)
MAN: Come on, Toros! (COUGHING)
Get a trainer over here!
HOUSE: Capacity crowd is on its feet, five seconds on the clock.
Ah!
How is it possible for one man to be blessed with so much skill?
(EXHALING HEAVILY)
I had one just like this, except it was Bruins and the Habs.
Where'd you get it?
Birthday present for someone in pediatric oncology.
Twenty-two-year-old enforcer with hemoptysis.
He's a hockey player?
No, he's a superhero.
He's coughing up blood because he probably broke a rib
and punctured a lung while breaking someone else's rib
and puncturing their lung in the name of sport.
Nice conclusion, to which the ER already jumped 18 hours ago.
Short man equals bullied child.
I was average height as a kid. And never bullied.
JESSICA: Until now.
X-ray ruled out traumatic sequelae, overt TB and lung cancer.
Sarcoidosis. Nodules could be too small to show up on an X-ray.
But fighting's the best part of hockey.
Without it, you've got the Ice Capades.
Fighting has nothing to do with hockey.
It's like the cheerleaders at a basketball game.
CHASE: Cheerleading's the best part of basketball.
Without it, you've got basketball.
JESSICA: He's a duck hunter.
He could have contracted psittacosis from exposure to fowl.
He had three teeth knocked out two weeks ago.
Infection could have led to oral bleeding.
Not without continuing dental pain.
Then he took an elbow to the gut,
which caused an esophageal tear.
Chase, CT the patient, check for sarcoid.
Adams, sputum cultures and serologies for psittacosis.
Taub, I'd tell you why I think your theory
is not just wrong but ill-conceived,
but it's more fun to prove it by having you check the stool for blood.
Now while we wait for the stool fairy, I'm a man down.
So if you want to drop your pants and hit the ice.
BOBBY: The faster you guys can do this, the better.
The NHL's been sniffing around,
and being in the hospital's not really helping my marketability, so...
You have to be pretty good to get called up.
Yeah, leading the league in penalty minutes.
And visits to the ER, not counting the ones you've caused.
Not a hockey fan, I gather?
I am, that's the point. Fighting cheapens a great sport.
Oh, come on. That's like saying passing cheapens football.
It's part of the game.
I don't cause injuries.
They're self-inflicted?
No, I prevent them.
I take the hits, so the smaller guys don't have to.
I thought you'd appreciate that.
(SWITCH CLICKS)
Neighbor's baby again?
I could hear it through earplugs,
two pillows, and three sleeping pills.
Hmm.
What is wrong with you?
I just said, "Hmm."
You're trying to figure out some deeper significance
to my having a couple of crappy nights.
Which one of us is analyzing the word "hmm" here?
Fine. I'm sorry.
AP0l0gy accepted.
However, it's not the crying that's keeping you awake.
The sound of a needy child is stirring your paternal juices.
The sound of a needy child at 112 decibels
has stirred my inner murderer. Don't mess with me.
Explain the stains on your shirt. You're lactating.
The fact that you're the only fruit
on your family tree is getting to you.
It's not a big deal. So I'll probably never be a dad.
It sucks. I'll lose a little sleep, but...
You're not supposed to feel bad when you dodge a bullet.
It's like you've got survivor's guilt.
There are actually things in this world
that give life even more meaning
than soap operas and monster trucks.
And we happen to be missing out on at least one of them.
(SIGHS)
You remember the falconer?
Beth?
You dated two falconers?
Yes, Beth.
The night the two of you split up,
you came around to my place,
wallowing in self-pity and tequila.
You passed out.
She called that night. Asked me to give you a message.
She said she was pregnant.
Which, God and Planned Parenthood willing,
means you are the father of an 11-year-old.
I told you the next morning. Hypothetically.
I asked you how you'd feel if Beth had gotten pregnant,
and you said, and I quote, "it would be the worst mistake of my life."
And scene.
Two performances Sunday, dark Mondays?
Just as well.
(DOOR CLOSES)
CHI: I want to kill my mother.
My Pope's on her own
and my mother always needs me to take care of her.
Well, you could kill Popo instead.
I have to take her shopping, to her friends, to Atlantic City.
I love her, but every night, every weekend...
And only if there was some solution,
some place where you could live.
That's not there.
My mom would freak. it would be the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Okay. Then stay.
And maybe you'd consider not bitching about it?
Not everyone's lucky enough to have your independence.
Don't worry. When you lose your family, you'll have it, too.
(COMPUTER BLEEPS)
He doesn't have sarcoid.
Look at that. That's his spleen.
I know, but he's gotten it supersized.
Deep vein thrombosis, caused by any one of his many injuries or surgeries.
Leukemia's a better fit.
We have a guy who is punishing his body on a daily basis.
Don't you think that's a more likely cause than cancer?
No, because she doesn't have an agenda.
Well, that was incredibly unprofessional.
Although, it's really Taub's fault.
If you're not prepared to slam her into the board,
she's got no reason not to go after you.
Might I suggest pulling her jersey over her head first?
We should get an ultrasound for DVT and WBC for leukemia.
You think I could have cancer?
More likely it's just a DVT.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
This is my agent. I gotta take this.
Yeah.
Give me some good news, Kenny.
I thought you said "any day".
Okay. All right.
L gotta g0-
(SIGHS)
I called Beth.
I have an 11-year-old son.
Liver failure could alter hormone levels,
cause abnormal breast development.
Alcoholism. We should search his home and locker room.
Note that the person who wants to search the home
didn't sleep in one last night.
You have the imprint of a seatbelt buckle on your cheek.
I got in a fight with my mother.
She hit you with a seatbelt?
It could be hemochromatosis.
JESSICA: Explains the liver and the spleen,
but hemoptysis is a stretch.
What about leptospirosis?
TAUB: That's a good fit.
If you ignore the fact that he's a pro athlete
who looks like the Incredible Hulk,
which means he's got to be on steroids, which is a better fit.
All we really know for sure is that
it was his evil job that caused the problems.
Yes, I don't like him. Doesn't mean my judgment's affected.
Maybe. Let's take a look at the instant replay.
This is the hit that precipitated Booby Orr's fight.
Dirty or clean?
- The hit was clean. - JESSICA: Really?
The guy released the puck at least a second before the hit.
We have a difference of opinion. That's all.
Absolutely.
Maybe she's as biased as you.
Or maybe the entire league is.
After review, the league disciplinary commissioner ruled the hit
illegal and dangerous, and suspended the player for three games.
Adams and Taub, run antibody titers for lepto.
Chase and Park, check out the home, the locker room for booze,
steroids and Taub's objectivity.
At least you're free.
You gonna get your own place?
If I can find a place I can afford, so no.
If you want, you can crash at my place. Got a spare bedroom.
That might be kind of weird.
I live in an apartment, not a dungeon.
It's just two single people, opposite sex.
Your bedroom door has a lock on the inside.
Hey, if you prefer your car, be my guest.
Scrip for ganciclovir.
If his neighbor has mono, it could mean he has mono.
If he has mono, explains his spleen and hemoptysis.
And it's caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which explains his liver.
And my moonroof leaks.
Thank you.
Why don't we just assume that you're not the dad?
Well, either you're the dad
or she cheated on you with your dad.
Oh!
Sand art. I used to love this.
He's bitter, not mentally handicapped.
Who knows what Beth told him about you?
At worst, you're a rapist. At best, you're a rapist.
Maybe she said I was a dead war hero.
Raised by a lunatic mother and abandoned by his father.
Oh, I know, squirrel handcuffs.
You think he's got any of those?
If you really wanted me to do nothing with this information,
then why did you give it to me?
Because you were pining for a kid
and you deserved to know that you already had one.
But your paternal cravings are more theoretical than applied.
You want vicarious immortality
more than you want a lifelong burden.
You're assuming he's gonna be a nightmare.
What if he's a good kid?
He's a kid. Best you can hope for is he's a nightmare.
House, I'm not naive. I realize that this thing could go very badly,
but the point is my son wants to meet me, and I want to meet him.
Popo, I presume.
Hey. I let myself in.
This is... We've met.
I thought the whole point of this was to get away from Popo.
My dad's getting a cyst removed
and my mother had to take him to the clinic.
Don't worry, she'll be gone in an hour.
I'm not worried because it's not my issue.
She seems awfully quiet.
You haven't seen her drunk.
(BOBBY SOBBING)
TAUB: Bobby?
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
I found him crying in the fetal position.
CHI: It's not a new symptom.
He's crying because his liver failure
threw his hormones out of whack.
Aside from the crying, he's actually recovering nicely.
TAUB: Aside from the guy in the book depository,
the Kennedys had a lovely trip to Dallas.
Repetitive blows to the head
can cause chronic traumatic encephalopathy,
the symptoms of which are aggressive behavior and depression.
So your theory is that his aggressive behavior
caused his aggressive behavior?
He's not depressed, he's just bummed,
because he knows he's a talentless moron
who's only one lost fight away from being a barista.
I understand that can get to a guy after a while.
If he quits being an enforcer, it could save his life.
You don't want to save his life.
You want to kill his career.
I moved into Chase's apartment.
He knows. He was staring at our matching cups.
I told you we should have split up.
We're not having sex. With each other.
- Yet. - Yes.
Yes?
I just mean no one knows the future right now, so we don't really know...
The only conclusive test for CTE is post-mortem.
TAUB: But an MRI of his brain could reveal white matter disintegrity,
which is the effect of CTE.
Why? Are you trying to sleep with her?
'Cause a simpler technique is just to ask.
- I was doing something nice. - No.
That doesn't fit.
He's only had three concussions since he was 10.
It's not enough to cause CTE.
Three reported concussions.
These guys are taught in high school how to dupe the tests.
- Guilt? - This is really insulting.
It's not guilt. Park is a friend.
So it's guilt.
Chase convinced you to leave Mommy and now he feels responsible.
No MRI.
Do a psych eval, if he doesn't start weeping again, send him home.
Dr. Wilson?
Duncan?
James.
Nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
Um...
How are you doing?
Good.
I got you this.
Oh.
Thank you.
- Go ahead. - Okay.
It's got three games built-in,
but you can download more from the website.
I know.
You already have one.
I can always use a backup.
Hi. Can I start you with something to drink?
Just water, please.
You got a GameDeck? Way to go, Dad.
According to your psych eval,
the only thing happier than you is Disneyland.
I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night.
I'm just upset about being in the hospital, I'm on some weird meds.
But they must be working, because I'm feeling a lot better now.
Depression could be the symptom of a serious illness, CTE.
Yeah. My aunt sends me every article she can find on it.
Then you know it could kill you.
In the long run, like a lot of things.
You might be right.
And an MRI could confirm that.
I have enough evidence of head trauma in my file already, so...
Mom said you had trouble maintaining relationships with normal people.
She also said you were a nice guy.
I always figured she was lying
'cause she didn't want me to hate my deadbeat dad.
I didn't know.
I know, now.
You're a bright kid.
Thanks to you. Thanks to my mom,
I'm also a big, soft-hearted wuss.
(LAUGHS)
I think you may have gotten that from both of us.
I got to go, but it was really nice meeting you.
It was nice meeting you, Duncan.
(SIGHS)
You want to hang out again?
(LAUGHS)
- Absolutely. - Tonight?
Tonight?
Well, I... There's...
That would be great.
Okay. I'll text you.
(DOOR OPENS)
Thank you. How'd you talk him into it?
He agreed once I promised him anonymity.
Mr. and Mrs. Doe liked the name John, apparently.
Unfortunately, we just wasted his time and proved House right.
Nothing? (CLICKS TONGUE)
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
- What about that? - That's an artifact.
That's a density.
I know you think I'm convincing myself,
but this brain has been hammered for years,
meaning evidence may be subtle, but it's there.
HOUSE ON COMPUTER: Meaning you see what you want to see.
Unless, of course, Chase is an idiot and I do have brain damage.
(PAGERS BEEPING)
Patient's stroking out.
Chase. Can you get me out of...
Oh...
Hello?
HOUSE: The good news is it's isolated ophthalmoplegia,
which means he didn't have a stroke.
Bad news is Taub was right. You're still sick.
I said "right", not "competent".
Bursts your CTE bubble. You're gonna need a whole new theory
to keep Uncle Jesse and his Olsen Twins on the bench.
Can we discuss my incompetence somewhere else?
Dr. House. Could I talk to you for a minute?
Could be neurosyphilis.
He's only 22.
And he's been on the road since he was 14.
So he was trash even before he was trash?
Are you curious about what he wanted?
I assume he wanted me off the case,
and you told him I was hit in the head as a child,
and your mother made you promise to take care of me.
He was doing what he always does.
Sticking up for the little guy.
He told me to apologize to you,
or he would excrete down my throat.
I'm paraphrasing.
So if he should ask, I was a gentleman,
or I will excrete down your throat.
Microscopic polyangiitis fits.
TAUB: We should start plasmapheresis immediately.
We need to run an ANCA panel to confirm first.
Putting him on plasmapheresis could make him bleed out.
MPA can progress quickly.
We may not have time before it reaches his lungs.
I think you're right, thus confirming my objectivity.
Start the treatment.
Miserable yet?
He's polite, well-adjusted, and a straight-A student.
Which means he doesn't need you.
So why don't you get out while the butterfly effect
is still in the cocoon stage.
I'm making him dinner.
You don't make an 11-year-old dinner.
You give him a jar of peanut butter.
It'll be fine.
I could give this kid a quinoa salad
and he would eat it just to be nice.
'Cause he's a gutless placater, just like his dad.
He's nice.
This is a terrible idea.
Because we like each other?
Yes. Because of the statement, "We like each other."
You've known him 25 minutes.
All you know about him is that he'd lie about a quinoa salad,
whatever the hell that is.
You're jealous of an 11-year-old
because you are an 11-year-old.
So tell me about yourself.
I mean you're smart, you're nice, but what else?
I don't know. I'm a kid.
Right.
What are you looking for?
Nothing.
You want peanut butter?
Do you have prosciutto?
- You like prosciutto? - I'm weird.
No! No, I like it, too.
- I've got some in the fridge. - How about goat cheese?
(LAUGHS)
I love goat cheese.
I think that was the best pizza I ever had.
It was the hint of Dijon.
Do you have any aunts or uncles or grandparents?
My mom got into some stupid fight with my grandfather.
They all kind of cut us off.
Hmm.
Are you talking to your parents?
Yes, and they're going to be very surprised and excited to meet you.
That's awesome.
AUTOMATED VOICE ON GPS: You have arrived at your destination.
(SIGHS)
- Well... - Thanks for the pizza.
Sure. Sure. I mean, it was great to spend time with you.
I love you, Dad.
(CHUCKLES)
It can't be easy doing what you do.
I mean, do you love it?
Is it fun?
I had my own plastic surgery practice, making lots of money.
But I wasn't happy. It wasn't what I went to med school for.
(SIGHS)
Every winter, my dad would flood the backyard and make a rink.
I was Lemieux, my little brother was Gretzky.
I was good. I won the NDHA scoring title three years in a row.
I kept getting bigger and stronger and better.
Until I didn't.
My Juniors coach told me that if I wanted to stay on the team,
that I'd have to use my size.
Every game, I got less and less ice time,
until it was all fighting and no hockey.
There's something going on with my arms.
I can't feel them! Doctor, I can't feel my anns.
Patient's arms are now paralyzed.
ANCA panel was negative. It's not MPA.
Lyme disease could cause paralysis,
if he was hunting, he'd be exposed to ticks.
No target rash or cardiac involvement.
Roomies with benefits keeping you up?
Cribbage. I played with Park's Popo.
Is that two separate events?
Her grandmother. ALS could explain the symptoms.
Sensory involvement rules out ALS.
Okay, now this is interesting.
We'll get back to the patient in a second.
Your issue is the same as Wilson's.
Except you're haunted by the {sitter-patter of tiny skanks.
You don't feel guilty about getting Park thrown out of her home.
You feel guilty about all the women that you've screwed over.
My mother needs 1,000 bucks for snow tires.
Park's a friend, Pope's fun.
Paralysis has gone from his face to his arms,
meaning it's descending, which is the hallmark of botulism.
So it was something he ate. How innocuous.
You've overcome your bias by reversing it.
The only problem is that being in love with the patient
is just as judgmental as being in hate.
We didn't find any contaminated...
No contaminated food, I'm not an idiot.
But what if it's not from ingesting, but from injecting?
He was treated for intractable muscle spasms by the team's trainers.
Sometimes they use Botox.
We need to start the antitoxin.
The antitoxin could cause anaphylaxis.
We need to test first to confirm.
HOUSE: As if to prove my point.
Last time you said there wasn't enough time to test
prior to a more dangerous treatment.
It's a different situation, a different symptom, a different diagnosis.
Different emotion. Give him the antitoxin.
Anything?
No adverse effects.
Chase let me move in with him to get away from my grandmother,
then he practically let my grandmother move in with the both of us.
He's being way more than nice.
(SIGHS)
Then which answer is it?
Chase feels guilty for pushing you to move out?
He didn't push me.
- Guilt about skanks? - He loves skanks.
It's not the other option.
There are people that like me,
people who even want to sleep with me.
Some of them are even good looking.
That good looking?
Did you see that?
You're feeling something?
Yeah.
I could give you crap for making me wait 11 years,
but instead I'm gonna thank you
for not making me wait another 11.
Every little girl wants a pony
until they have to clean up after it.
You think I'm gonna quit on this? On an 11-year-old?
The only relationship you haven't quit on has been with me.
Hmm. A needy, truculent narcissist.
I think it's been the perfect training for parenthood.
That's not even close.
This is the rest of your life.
If you screw this up, you don't get to run away.
You get to ruin both your lives.
This is a bigger responsibility
than any you've ever taken on, and screwed up.
I know.
That's why I'm so excited about it.
(DOOR OPENS)
You're really happier doing this than looking at boobs all day?
Luckily, I get patients like you every now and again
who let me re-experience the joy.
(COUGHS)
You know the best part of my day
is when I'm sitting in that penalty box
after I beat someone up.
It's the only time I know I'm safe.
Think Lemieux ever felt that way?
I'm not going back.
To hockey?
To enforcing. Whatever that costs.
Good for you.
(PUCK CLATTERS) Oh!
First goal for the Pocket Rocket.
(BOBBY GASPING)
Bobby?
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
We need a team in here!
He's completely paralyzed and he tested negative for botulism.
I am now accepting long shots.
Polio?
Some kids were never vaccinated.
Unless they played sports all their lives and had two physicals a year.
How about MLD?
TAUB: That's a bad fit.
I say that not because there's no treatment for MLD,
but because it's a bad fit.
His cognitive abilities are unaffected.
Prion disease could explain the waxing and waning symptoms.
The test for prions is a brain biopsy.
And given his history, there's got to be brain swelling.
We can't risk drilling into his skull.
Pretty sure we can.
We also could keep talking until we can find an answer we all can agree on.
What, all of us? Those of us who love him, those who hate him?
Those who don't give a crap about him or you?
Or I could just discuss it on my own with Foreman.
He's not your friend.
I get it, he's a patient.
- I'm not... - He never had your back.
He didn't insist that I apologize to you.
He asked me to take you off the case.
Biopsy his brain.
Hey, Dad.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late. Got in a fight with my mom. She is such a tool.
I'm sure she means well.
She wants to open a reserve in Costa Rica for rescued birds of prey.
But how serious is she?
From my recollection, she used to talk about doing a lot.
Yeah, but she bought plane tickets for Monday.
Well, Costa Rica is beautiful.
And the schools are supposed to be great.
Oh! I'm not going. It's her stupid dream, not mine.
Then what will you do?
Uh...
I thought maybe I could stay with you?
Your place is only three miles away from my school.
I can bus it every day.
And I do my own laundry. I keep my room tidy.
Duncan, this...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) This is very sudden.
I know. I'm sorry.
Please don't send me to the jungle.
If it's okay with your mother, it's okay with me.
Take me off the case.
I've obviously completely lost my objectivity.
I'm not helping. I'm not even neutral.
Agreed.
So why shouldn't I take you off all my cases?
Because you were right. I hate bullies.
You work for me.
You're not a bully.
Pretty sure I am, dickwad.
I've known a lot of bullies, people who didn't like me because I'm short,
people who didn't like me because I'm Jewish.
Yeah, I get it, there's a long list of reasons not to like you.
You relentlessly mock, but it's not for self-aggrandizement,
it's because ideas are bigger than feelings.
At least that's what I choose to believe.
I also thought you had the side effect of desensitizing me.
You little hebe.
Here are some ideas for you.
You screwed up. You kept on screwing up. Everything you said is true.
Except it doesn't mean you walk away.
You just learn to trust nothing.
Everything you think you feel, everything you think you know,
you question every call, play through every whistle.
I just had a light bulb.
Maybe.
You can trust light bulbs.
Stop. It's not prions.
Epstein-Barr gave him mono, it also gave him Miller Fisher syndrome.
The plasmapheresis played through the whistle.
We gave it to him for MPA, but when he got worse, we took him off.
When he got better, we thought it was the antitoxin,
but it was actually the plasmapheresis still working.
We had the right treatment, just the wrong diagnosis.
It was my metaphor that solved the case.
Put him back on plasmapheresis. He'll be fine.
Nice save.
Didn't quite make up for being a sieve the rest of the game.
(DOOR OPENS)
(SWITCH CLICKS)
Ex-girlfriend's baby again?
His mother is moving to Costa Rica,
he asked if he could move in with me...
(LAUGHS)
...and I said yes.
Well, it's only six or seven years.
Unless he can't get into college,
in which case it's more a matter of your life expectancy.
I said yes, knowing I'm not remotely ready for that,
knowing he's not ready to be separated from his mother.
This isn't the act of a mature, rational adult.
(SIGHS)
I can't do this, House.
You were right.
I have an idea that can make this entire problem go away.
Yes, I really want to hear your clever late-term abortion joke.
You were right about everything. This is life.
It's real. It doesn't just go away.
(SIGHS)
None of that is true.
Hey.
Duncan.
Actually, it's Wendel, one "L".
If you're gonna get pissy, remember, it was House's idea.
You're an actor?
Five commercials, and a recurring on Days of our Lives.
You were regretting not having kids, so I gave you one.
Thereby rendering you regret-free. It's a priceless gift.
- Get out. - Well, it's not priceless.
He charges SAG minimum...
Get out!
Chillax, Dad.
Can you do an Australian accent?
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
I just got the call.
Three-year deal, 2.1 million.
What about the flooded backyard and pretending to be Lemieux?
That's why I took it.
After all I did to get here,
half a dream is better than nothing.
Maybe my new coach will see what my Juniors coach didn't.
That'd be nice.
I'm not sleeping with you.
That's a shame.
This is about Popo.
She's not sleeping with me either, right?
You were jealous of me, my family.
Maybe you've got too much and I've got too little.
I might sleep with you after all.
(SOUL MUSIC PLAYING)
The woman that I called, that was really Beth?
Found her on Facebook.
How much did she charge?
Nothing. She's still pissed at you.
Can you pass the bacon?
I thought you liked prosciutto.
Nobody likes prosciutto.