RYAN: One small step for man.
CHRIS: One giant waste of your monthly allowance.
Safety's disengaged.
We are go for launch in five, four, three, two, one.
That was freaking awesome!
CHRIS: Whoa.
RYAN: Aw, jeez, come on.
My father's gonna kill me.
Can I film that, too?
Whoa.
RYAN: What?
(GASPS)
Oh, man. Is that guy dead?
I think so.
(SCREAMING)
Get the rest of the flames out!
(GROANING)
You gonna be okay, mister?
(SIZZLING)
It smells like...
Like liquorice?
Think House is coming in today?
Maybe if we start offering spa treatments.
MARTHA: He already jumped off of a hotel balcony.
Who knows what he'll do next?
Ride some kind of prostitute chariot to work?
(HONKING HORN)
First person to offer me an interesting case gets to ride her,
single or double team.
My scooter.
Which now said out loud sounds even more inappropriate.
Seriously? You're bringing them to work now?
23-year-old homeless man brought
into the ER with burn injuries and...
Let me guess. The diagnosis was fire?
He said his burning flesh smelt like liquorice
and the ER antiseptics like blueberry muffins.
Cool.
Dysosmia could be anything from an environmental factor
to an early sign of a degenerative brain disease.
Smells like a winner.
Okay, you and Chase go check out the park where they found him.
You two, load him up with prednisone, give him an odor ID test.
If he's still mistaking his body odors for candy,
problem's definitely in his brain.
Also find out what else he's lying about,
since I'm assuming Ferris Bueller is not his real name.
Why?
Seriously, who is that?
They say he's a righteous dude.
And before I forget, I want you to meet Dominika.
She's about to become a permanent member of Team House.
Nice to be meetings you all.
Doing what exactly?
Me.
We're getting married on Friday.
Mount up.
I don't think that two people are supposed...
Living on the edge, baby doll.
(HONKING HORN)
- How's the arm? -Hmm?
It hurts.
Do I have to check out now?
Not until we figure out why your sense of smell is off.
When was the first time you noticed it?
Maybe a couple months ago.
FOREMAN: We also need you to tell us your real name
so we can review your medical records.
I didn't ask to come here.
Okay, I'm not paying for any of this.
Don't worry,
I don't think the collection agency has an office in the park.
I don't have a medical history.
I've always been healthy.
What about those scars and burn marks?
Lean forward.
(PATIENT SIGHS)
My Dad.
We didn't exactly get along when I was a kid.
How many times were you hospitalized?
Never.
He was good at it.
Made sure he never did anything
that couldn't be covered up by a sweatshirt.
I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS) No, don't be.
I'm not.
The past is the past, that's why I don't like talking about it.
(WOMAN ANNOUNCING ON PA)
You can't ride that thing in here.
Speaking of things, I'm having one on Friday.
If you want to drop by, we'd love to have you.
No pressure.
You're still standing on it.
So I am. Perhaps you're not familiar
with the New Jersey handicap ordinances.
Or perhaps I am.
They apply to wheelchairs and powered scooters only. Not toys.
Have you any idea how much this toy costs?
I don't care.
For some reason, my leg's been hurting a lot this week.
For some reason, I still don't care.
Fine. I'll return it.
Do I have to walk it out of here?
Stop.
I'll make an exception, for your leg.
But next time, check with me first.
Congratulations on your engagement.
I hear a strange voice.
A very soft-looking man.
Must be the Wilson.
HOUSE: I know we said no secrets,
but I think I need to take this alone, honey bunny.
Okay-
Nice to be meeting you. (CHUCKLING)
You're trying to screw with Cuddy.
Yeah, it's the classic "you dumped me
"so I'm gonna get married a week later" ruse.
'Cause not only is she that stupid,
but apparently I'm that stupid.
Then what? You're openly mocking marriage?
Trying to prove it means nothing?
It doesn't,
but you proved that yourself years ago.
I'd love to keep guessing, but I've got people with tumors waiting.
Why do you want us to think that you're getting married?
Only one theory left. I am.
Dominika needs a green card.
So you're just doing some random stranger a favor? It's illegal.
People go to jail for that, pay huge fines.
Have you seen me practice medicine?
You know how much it costs to have a live-in maid,
personal assistant, cook, massage therapist, whore?
I do.
She's willing to work four days a week for free.
It's gonna save me about $33,000,
and all I have to do is say two stupid words, "I do."
And if she doesn't see it this way?
Ironclad pre-nup. We go our separate ways.
Your stunned look, I take it, is your way
of saying, "Brilliant idea, House."
MARTHA: Wow.
You look different.
The prednisone has had time to work,
so we need to give you the odor ID test now.
Sure.
We need you to tell us what you smell.
(SNIFFS) on.
Something spoiled, maybe rotting meat?
It's baby powder.
I kind of like that one. Peppermint?
It's extremely bad body odor.
You got to admit, that one's kind of a good deal for me.
My backpack. Oh. Where'd you find it?
In the park, right next to a big pile of questions.
TAUB: What kind of drugs you shooting up?
Vitamin supplements. I've been trying to boost my immune system.
All right, test me if you don't believe me.
TAUB: Ferris tell you his real name yet?
Peter Johnson.
Danny Jennings.
I bought those books used.
All from the same guy?
I'm sorry, but I think I should check out now and...
(GROANS)
What's wrong?
DANNY: Oh, my stomach...
FOREMAN: Gastrointestinal bleeding.
Is anyone else disturbed by this?
FOREMAN: What?
She offered.
Danny may have lied about his name,
but he was telling the truth about the vials.
Tests confirm they were vitamin A and B-12.
He also enjoys vitamin H.
Kid's a junkie.
TAUB: Tox screens were negative for drug use.
His hair wasn't. I had it tested.
Because unlike Santa and the Easter bunny,
homeless, non-mentally ill 20-somethings
without drug problems don't exist.
He was a heavy user sometime in the last five months.
(CHUCKLING) Wow, that was incredible. Thank you.
No, thank you. I like men with the big, strong, sexy feet.
He really puts the mani in the pedi.
FOREMAN: If he has a history of snorting heroin,
he could've caused the dysosmia himself.
But we still need to explain the bleeding in his GI tract.
Vitamin injections could have caused that.
Hypervitaminosis A syndrome.
So his symptoms aren't connected?
House, you buying this?
Not usually.
But this guy has been sleeping on a bed of dog poop.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's got six different symptoms
for six different reasons.
The bleed could be caused by a GI obstruction.
HOUSE: Vitamin OD makes sense and it's easier to treat.
Give him tocopherol and zinc supplements for the excess vitamin A.
If we're right, he could go homeless tomorrow.
And if we're wrong, his intestines could get further distressed
while we ignore the GI obstruction.
See what happens when women don't have
to serve men to stay in the country?
They get all uppity.
This is why we invented green cards.
Go x-ray the guy's abdomen,
if it'll make you feel all equal.
I need a favor.
I want to add my fiancée's name
to my health insurance a few days early.
She wants to get a tooth capped before the big day.
- I'm not signing this. - I agree.
I think she looks beautiful the way she is.
Oh, no. Wait. You're not signing that for moral reasons?
You're declaring yourself the sole arbiter of true love?
'Cause you covered Taub's wife for years.
It's fraud.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
She wanted me to bribe you like they do back in the old country.
Tell her what I said.
This is America.
The land of the home, and the free of the braves.
I just get teary-eyed every time I hear her say that.
She brought you a gift.
Almond kulich.
I make with own hands. It's delicious.
Almond kulich.
HOUSE: How do you say no to that?
You realize if I do sign this
and you don't get legally married,
you'll lose your insurance with our carrier.
Yes.
Fine.
It's your life.
I wish you both the best with it.
Thank you.
North, Miss Teschmacher!
Your blood test was clean,
but your hair showed heroin use.
I've been clean over three months now.
How'd you kick it?
I had to die first.
I OD'd back in November.
And they said I was clinically dead for several minutes.
It was like God gave me a second chance
to do things right this time.
You're saying God cured you?
No.
State rehab cured me.
But I should be dead, but I'm not.
That has to mean something.
I mean, I must be here for a reason, right?
Did you figure out the reason?
My goal is to become a doctor one day.
I am smart.
I mean, I got a scholarship for pro-med out of high school.
Chase?
Look.
MARTHA: We found 13 masses spread across the wall of his colon,
ranging from 2 to 8 millimeters.
TAUB: They can't be tumors. Edges are too sharp and defined.
I thought they might be parasites,
but we didn't see any movement between x-ray exposures.
And no larvae or eggs were observed in any of the stool samples.
HOUSE: Which is kind of surprising
for a homeless junkie living in a park.
Ex-junkie. He claims he's been clean for over three months.
And he's not planning on staying homeless.
He's trying to protect his health,
which is why he's been taking vitamin supplements.
He wants to be a doctor.
He's just telling you what you want to hear.
Once an addict, always an addict.
Can you please not do that in front of me?
Doubt it.
You're the main reason I'm on the stuff.
We could be looking at fungal masses
hanging off the walls of his colon.
Start him on amphotericin B tonight,
and in the morning, run a scope up where the sun don't shine
and see if you can find any truffles.
I think we should boycott this wedding on principle.
I kind of have to go.
His fiancée did give me a foot massage,
and he invited me to be in his wedding party.
What about Chase? He ask him?
Yeah, he's in it.
What the hell?
You just said you weren't even going.
I still have feelings.
What's that?
That's definitely not a fungus.
FOREMAN: You were bleeding because you had
13 pieces of bone in your digestive tract.
We think you have pica,
a craving for non-food items.
That's caused by a chemical imbalance...
DANNY: I didn't crave them.
I kind of volunteered to eat them.
What, why?
There's this great Italian restaurant I like to frequent.
And by restaurant I mean their dumpster out back.
The cook is kind of a friend of mine.
He challenges me to eat stuff.
Sometimes it's raw squid, or I have to chew on a chicken bone.
But if I do it, then he hooks me up with real food,
not just the garbage.
Great friend.
These fragments could have perforated your colon and killed you.
You have to promise us you'll stop.
I think there's something wrong with my eyes.
What is it?
It's like I'm looking at you from the bottom of a well.
MARTHA: If we add tunnel vision to the dysosmia,
we can subtract the bone-induced abdominal bleeding.
TAUB: I thought the dysosmia was from heroin.
He said he never snorted, he just shot up,
so that wouldn't have affected his sense of smell.
And we believe the lying liar why?
House.
Are you even listening to us?
I'll start when you decide what the symptoms are
and give me some theories.
If we combine the dysosmia with the tunnel vision,
the symptoms fit for western equine encephalitis.
But the patient doesn't. No fever.
(SHOOTS) Ow.
What the hell?
Negative reinforcement.
What about Foster-Kennedy syndrome?
He could have a meningioma, or plasmacytoma,
started by pressing on his olfactory nerves, affects his sense of smell,
and now it's growing and pressing on his optic nerve.
Good. MRI his head and find it.
Your potential donation could...
Hey, hey.
...would have an immediate impact on our community.
We could extend our...
- Something wrong? - No.
I just think maybe it'll be a better idea
to have a tour of the clinic first.
It's right this way. (SHOOTS)
We have several patients that are children
and we find that it's important
to give them the opportunity to play
to make the hospital a less intimidating place.
My Dad used to lock me in a closet
and it feels like I can't breathe.
We need you to stay still.
Give him a break.
You want him squirming around? We'll have to do it twice.
I want you to show him a little respect.
You really think this kid can turn his life around?
He believes God gave him a second chance.
That kind of belief can be powerful.
Masters doesn't surprise me,
he plays the fellow med student
who dreams of being a doctor and reels her in.
But you? Falling for his deep connection with God?
He has hope.
After all he's been through,
it kind of makes me root for him.
We don't even know who he is,
except that he lies about who he is.
The bit about his abusive father is probably all made up.
And he faked the scars?
He's a punk, probably got in a lot of fights.
And he sucked you in using the dad story.
I don't think I'm feeling very well. I think I'm...
He's vomiting.
Should I ask him to stay still while he does that?
He has two dark spots in the parietal cortex.
They're not tumors, maybe some kind of injury or inborn defect.
Apparently, he was clinically dead
for several seconds when he OD'd.
The dark spots could be brain damage from oxygen starvation.
Except it's not.
I've seen MRI imagery like that
in schizophrenics. Three serving two.
But schizophrenia doesn't explain
why his blood pressure skyrocketed
and he threw up in the MRI.
Panic attack. He's claustrophobic.
He was fine once we let him out.
The dysosmia and tunnel vision could be hallucinations.
Except, as was already covered,
he was screened for mental illness down in the ER.
In your head!
It's face.
On your face!
Close enough.
The ER docs missed it because he didn't present with major symptoms yet.
We're seeing it in its infancy.
So we treat him, and then what?
He becomes just another schizophrenic
homeless man wandering the streets.
- We have to help him. HOUSE: - I'd love to,
but I got four million other crazy people
ahead of him on my to-do list.
Along with milk.
(DOOR OPENS)
You two spent months trying to figure out a way to date
and not have it affect your working relationship.
Now you need to do the same thing for not dating.
No, I don't.
This is serious.
Did you know that she's...
She's dying of guilt and feels horrible for dumping me.
It's great.
Not the dumping part,
but the part where she'll now let me do whatever I want.
So you're just trying to punish her?
She feels bad and your only goal is to take advantage?
That's not true. I have plenty of goals.
One of them is a 60-inch flat screen, right there.
You're a lot of things, House, but you've never been a sadist.
You're pummeling an opponent who isn't fighting back.
(DOOR OPENS)
I already gave him his second dose
of clozapine, you don't need...
I'll bet you 50 bucks his favorite sport is hockey.
How could you possibly know that?
Just a hunch.
How you feeling?
My arm kind of hurts.
I'll talk to the nurse about upping your pain meds.
Hockey, eh?
TAUB: Oh.
My nephew bought it for me. Knows I'm a huge fan.
I hate hockey.
If this is schizophrenia,
you're gonna need regular care.
I've found some shelters
that have full-time medical staff
and also offer college...
(GROANING) My arm really hurts.
Let's have a look.
It feels like it's on fire.
TAUB: We need to take a look under the bandages.
No, no, no, not that one. This one.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Ahoy there, me hearties, permission to come aboard.
Danny said his left arm felt like it was on fire last night.
We assumed it was a schizophrenic delusion, but...
It's not. He's on clozapine.
He'd be getting better, not worse.
Sounds like regional pain syndrome.
Has to be a genetic disorder.
Would you slow down? You're gonna get us arrested.
I wouldn't worry about it. We'll probably die first.
Don't make me take my shoe off!
We need to run his DNA. He could have early onset of Parkinson's.
Or cortical-based ganglionic degeneration,
or Huntington's or any one of a dozen other genetic diseases.
If you let us out, we can start testing.
If you're gonna test for them all, it'll take weeks.
I'm not canceling my honeymoon to treat this kid.
It's a fake marriage, but a real honeymoon?
Most are.
Danny could also have died before
we get through testing for all the possibilities.
So we cheat. Since it's genetic,
daddy or mommy's got it, too.
They're either sick or dead.
MARTHA: He doesn't know where his mother is,
and he won't tell us where his father is.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
He's a homeless ex-junkie.
You telling me that you four geniuses can't outwit him?
Green light!
(DOOR OPENS)
Cuddy got it for me.
I'm now drafting a request for studying the effects of caffeine
involving an Italian espresso machine
and a massage chair. Make it quick.
I found Danny's father.
Well done.
Kid said he was in a state-sponsored rehab last November.
There's only one Danny Jennings
that was in treatment at that time,
and he listed his father's address as his primary next of kin.
The "Well done" was for making it quick.
Now I'm gonna have to take that back.
He lives about 30 minutes from the hospital.
And the reason you're continuing to talk instead of driving there?
Chase and Masters are already on their way.
Why didn't you ask me to be part of your wedding?
You're genuinely upset at being mockingly snubbed by a mock wedding?
Is it because I haven't been here as long as them?
Or is it that you really don't like me?
Or are you just screwing...
(SIGHS)
I lllll
I'll come back when she's finished.
She is.
Oh, my God, what did you think she was doing?
She's just installing the cable.
That's not a euphemism.
Oh, I feel sorry for the little one.
Isn't there something we can do?
(KNOCKING)
Can I help you?
We need to talk to you about your son Danny.
Danny? Who are you? We're his doctors.
We need to know if you or perhaps his mother
have any family history of genetic disease.
Why, what difference would it make?
You may not care about your son, but...
Is that what Danny told you when he was in rehab?
We didn't love him?
Not why we came here.
We just want to know if there's any
diagnosed genetic disease in your family.
We're trying to make your son better.
Better?
He died of a drug overdose.
We buried him three months ago.
Who are you? (SHUSHES)
What are you doing?
Test.
Who are you?
The important question is who are you?
Danny Jennings is dead,
which means that Danny Jennings has no pulse,
which you, on the other hand,
do.
Ergo, you are not Danny Jennings.
Or I did the test wrong.
So why don't you cut the crap and tell me your real name?
No.
Hiding your identity. Either you're a criminal or a superhero.
I'm not a criminal.
Awesome. What color is my underwear?
I'm not telling you my name.
No problem. I just need your father's name.
Forget it.
Care to tell me why?
He's looking for me.
He supposedly
cleaned up and got sober.
And now he...
He wants to be part of my life again,
and I can't let that happen.
You're a big boy now. You still think he can hurt you?
You don't get it.
If I ever see my Dad again,
I'll kill him.
What's happening to me?
Well, luckily for you, we don't need daddy to figure that one out.
Did you find out his real name?
Cerebellar Ataxia.
That's a weird name.
Guy whiffed twice trying to pick up a cup right in front of him.
That plus everything else...
(CLEARS THROAT)
...means that we have whittled our list of genetic diseases
(GULPS)
all the way down to one, early-onset Parkinson's.
After everything he's been through, now we have to tell him,
"Hey, you have an incurable disease
"that gets progressively worse."
You could lie, I'm fine with that.
But you'll probably both feel better
if you give him Levodopa and confirm with DNA tests.
He's gone too far.
He's taking up six handicapped spaces with a monster truck.
It's only four, and he's gonna get rid of it after the wedding.
And the chapel? He's turned the chapel
into his own personal catering hall.
Who cares? Other than a janitor sleeping off a bender,
he's the first person to use it in two weeks.
Appeasement is never the answer
in the face of naked aggression.
It won't be long before his tanks
are rolling down your Champs-Elysées.
I know what House is doing.
You, on the other hand, why do you care? He isn't hurting anyone.
You're the first boss he's ever had who could handle him.
Before you, he was either fired
or buried under a mountain of malpractice suits.
He needs someone to say no.
He needs someone he'll listen to when they say no.
If you really care about House,
you'll stop feeling sorry for him,
and get out there and start kicking him where he needs kicking.
I changed my mind.
You want the fish instead of the chicken?
This room is for patients' families,
not for doctors trying to defraud the government.
Oh. So you've decided to take a moral stand?
Yes.
The chapel still has sanctity for some people.
You're right. I think I saw Blue the janitor
passed out in one of the pews last week.
It's Lou, and I would have thrown him out, too.
Where are we gonna go?
We got caterers staging everything downstairs as we speak.
We got floral arrangements, place settings, other weddingy stuff.
It's not my problem.
I sent out the invitations. People are coming here.
That's also not my problem.
And I want the TV back.
You should just let me die.
The world's better off without me.
It's normal.
People feel depressed when they get bad news
because it's bad news,
obviously.
I didn't OD by accident.
I was trying to kill myself.
Why?
(SIGHS)
Because I've done things.
Horrible things.
I've hurt people.
But when I didn't die, I thought...
I thought God forgave me.
But he just wanted me to suffer,
- and I deserve it. - No.
You don't deserve it.
I had a girlfriend in college
and I almost killed her.
I just snapped
and I started hitting her.
And if her roommate hadn't come home...
I'm evil.
I'm just like my dad.
We're both monsters that deserve to die.
I can't... I can't...
I feel dizzy.
(MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)
I need a crash cart in here!
His heart is dilated and failing.
And at the rate it's happening, he'll need a new one soon,
and there's no way we'll get him on the transplant list.
What are we missing?
Everything. We know nothing about this kid.
Except that he's gotten worse since we admitted him.
Why?
Most of our patients tend to do that, unless we cure them.
Yeah, but why so fast?
He had dysosmia for a couple of months,
never even came here to get it treated.
He was just a random burn victim.
We get him,
boom, he's got tunnel vision, peripheral polyneuropathy,
Cerebellar Ataxia and now cardiomyopathy.
What's different here than say,
living in a filthy state park?
You think cleanliness is making him sick?
CHASE: An allergic reaction?
CHASE: We treated him with Vicodin, clozapine and one IV bag of Levodopa.
TAUB: His condition started deteriorating before that.
Stop that man!
I need the meal card for the patient in 243.
He's eating healthy
because he can.
Most of the meals in here are vegetarian.
Adult Refsum disease.
It fits all the symptoms.
His body can't process the phytanic acid in chlorophyll.
It's his healthy diet of green vegetables that's killing him.
So if we change his diet...
We can save his life.
HOUSE: Run him through a plasmapheresis treatment
to remove the excess phytanic acid from his blood.
Confirm with gene testing.
Okay, I got to go get married.
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
They say true love doesn't exist anymore.
Maybe it never did.
So without further ado...
Do you, Dominika Patrova, take this man
to be your lawfully-wedded husband?
I do.
And do you, Gregory House, take this woman
to be your lawfully-wedded wife?
Yep.
CHASE: Then by the power vested in me
by the state of New Jersey just for today,
I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
(ALL CHEERING)
Those of you with cameras, please feel free
to provide legal documentation.
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
It's okay, I'm just angry at myself.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Promised I wouldn't let this get to me, and it got to me.
Just say the word, and we will climb out that window right now.
(LAUGHS)
I wouldn't give House the satisfaction.
You see? Things are getting back to normal.
Yeah.
Normal.
You feeling better?
So, all I have to do is eat the right kinds of food and I'll be okay?
Basically, yeah.
It's pretty limiting and it is for the rest of your life,
but if you follow the diet and get checked up regularly,
you should be fine.
- Thank you. - Mmm-hmm.
For not giving up on me.
(LAUGHS)
You're not a bad person.
You made mistakes, but we all do.
Maybe when you get out of here,
you can go talk to someone, a professional.
Yeah. Yeah, some of those places you suggested have people on staff.
You know, I think God really does have a plan for me.
And all this?
It was just his way of testing my resolve.
I wouldn't have passed it without you.
See you tomorrow, Danny.
That's not my real name.
Doesn't matter.
(TELEVISION CHATTERING)
(SIGHS)
(CHUCKLING)
I know this is not real marriage,
but I really like you.
I like you, too.
- I can't. - Why not?
I never sleep with married women.
I'm going to bed. You can take the couch.
What's going on?
Danny disappeared without checking out.
So you called the FBI?
CHASE: We didn't call them, they just showed up.
CHASE: Danny's DNA, when we sent it to the lab for testing,
it set off alarm bells all over the country.
Alarm bells for what?
He's linked to 13 unsolved murders in 10 different states.
He's a serial killer who eats his victims.
And we saved him.