(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Hey, sweetie.
Yeah. No, I'm sorry. The meeting's running a little late.
Well, you know Matheson, guy loves to hear himself talk.
Yeah, yeah, I'll meet you at the restaurant.
Hey, we're going over the contracts now. I got to get back in there.
I love you, too.
OFFICER SMITH: You're getting paid to clean, not window shop, Vesky.
You calling me a thief?
Take it easy, I'm just yanking your chain.
Damn, it's freezing in here.
Better the cold than the smell.
I used to think my job sucked.
- How much you make an hour anyway? - Not enough.
The difference is, this job is just a temporary setback.
You, on the other hand, will always be a schmuck.
Yeah. A schmuck with a guaranteed pension and benefits.
I'll take it.
BERT: Sorry I'm late.
No talking about real estate tonight.
I really want you to just enjoy yourself.
Seeing you in that dress, I'd say mission accomplished.
It gets a little better. Wait till you see what's on underneath.
Fresh tako with lemon. Enjoy.
I ordered the appetizer special.
Oh, I thought take was a kind of tuna. We're so not eating this.
Well, we should at least try it.
Please. It's moving, Bert.
(LAUGHS) That's so gross.
Actually, it's not that bad.
Really?
I'm not eating it.
To us, on our third anniversary.
The day I met you was...
Was...
Bert?
Bert? What is it? What...
Honey, what's wrong?
Oh, God. Someone, please, call 911!
(CHOKING)
Can you breathe?
House!
I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.
This Friday? It must have completely slipped my mind.
- So you'll be there. - No, I meant
it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.
What do you think it'll look like
if you don't show up when I get an award?
Like I don't give a crap about awards, charities, what it looks like.
If you ever want...
I RSVP'd two days ago.
What, you think I'm a complete ass?
If you were already going, why did you...
Foreplay.
What?
Are you wearing my tie?
I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
Why were you in my closet?
Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
Obviously he wants you out of the closet for some reason.
I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.
Now tell me how someone can have an allergic reaction
when all of their tests were negative for known allergens.
Environmental. File says he's a real estate developer.
He could have been exposed to something visiting a construction site.
He's lyifl9-
He's not an executive. I saw his hands.
They're covered with calluses and little cuts.
He works with them, a lot.
Stand up.
(EXCLAIMS)
Our little girl is finally growing up.
I mean, you dream of this day, but when it finally happens...
So, what did Mr. Meat Hooks say when you called him a liar?
(STUTTERS) Uh...
I didn't.
Baby steps. Go down there and do it.
Um...
But what if I'm wrong?
I'll just end up offending him.
Consider that part a bonus.
All right, I'll send along one of your big brothers to help.
You want scary, smarmy or shorty?
We need to ask you a few questions.
Alone, if you don't mind.
Uh, they tend to be personal in nature...
I'm his wife.
I can probably answer them better than he can.
They're about his job.
Well, what does that matter? He sits in an office all day.
Honey, take a break.
- It's okay. - No!
Seriously, if there's something really wrong with him,
I want to know about it.
It's not...
Our questions are about what he eats for lunch at work
and what comes out at the end.
Bowel movements mostly.
Color, texture, smell.
Okay...
Pretty sure you can't help with that.
Maybe I could use a break.
Thank you for your honesty.
You're welcome.
I can't let my wife find out about this. You have to promise me.
That depends on if it's considered...
We promise.
I lost everything because of the recession.
My entire real estate company.
And she has no idea.
So what do you do for a living now?
I used to be a janitor when I was in college
and now I'm almost 40 and doing it for the people I built homes for.
Why?
Why do you think? Because I need the money.
No, I mean, why lie to your wife about it?
None of our business, really.
What kind of cleaning?
Industrial jobs. Crime-scene clean-up,
septic tank repair, mold removal.
It's physically killing me.
MARTHA: It's the holy grail of potential diseases.
Caustic cleaning chemicals, raw sewage,
mold spores, fungal infections.
Not to mention cleaning up blood and other body fluids
from a homicide yesterday.
We should check out the crime scene.
He might have picked up a bacterial infection from the victim's blood.
CHASE: The place has been cleaned and sanitized by our patient.
We sent for the autopsy report,
probably take a week to get it.
When he's not working, where does he go all day to hide out?
His old real estate office?
HOUSE: Treat for bacterial infection.
Meantime, Bert, take Ernie and check his office for environmentals.
I'll talk to Cuddy about getting the autopsy results faster.
You're Bert.
He's Ernie.
And they're both roommates. That was a good one.
Well, at least the Alzheimer's patient in room 202
won't remember she only got half a ham sandwich.
I'm doing her a favor.
You're really going to the charity gala?
Why?
I wanna do something nice for my girlfriend.
You never do anything unless it stands to benefit you.
I realize that three failed marriages
can leave a man twisted and bitter inside.
But in a good relationship, people sometimes do things for each other.
A hundred says you don't show up.
You're giving me an incentive to actually show up?
A personal, selfish incentive.
I'm just making easy money.
Two hundred.
How high did Cuddy authorize you to go?
(LAUGHS) She... She...
Three.
She really wants you there.
Why do people believe that I'm incapable of doing anything nice?
Experience.
(SIGHS)
TAUB: It's a tie.
I'm not wearing your underwear.
I said I was sorry. You want the tie back?
Can we get to work?
I can't tell if you're being passive-aggressive
or if this is just your regular fun-loving personality.
Both. And you can keep the tie.
It went out of style five years ago.
Vicodin, and he doesn't have a prescription.
We didn't test for an allergic reaction to narcotics.
TAUB: Or it's the obvious. Take a look at this.
We think you're suffering from boric acid exposure.
Which is causing the rash.
We need to decontaminate your skin
and hope you didn't inhale it into your lungs.
I feel like I'm...
(PANTING) (BEEPING)
Never seen a fever spike this fast before.
Acid exposure burns, literally, it shouldn't be causing this.
What's happening to him?
Bert? Honey, are you all right?
We have to get his fever down right now.
If it gets any higher, it could cause permanent brain damage.
CHASE: We used cooling blankets to get his temperature down.
He stabilized at 102.
Problem's not boric acid. We found no traces of it on his skin.
FOREMAN: Infection from the murder victim's blood?
Autopsy report was negative for communicable disease.
Cause of death was an overly stabbey girlfriend.
We found Vicodin in his office.
Give it to me.
It might look like Vicodin, but be something else.
(SNIFFS)
It's real.
HOUSE: Unfortunately.
Because Vicodin doesn't cause rash, fever and joint pain.
It does make Taub considerably less annoying, though.
Maybe we're thinking too far outside the box here.
Just because he could have picked up
any one of a hundred exotic diseases
from his job, doesn't mean he did.
Taub's life partner has a point.
We started treatment with antibiotics and he got worse.
The simple answer begins with "M," ends with a "mia."
Meningococcemia?
That works, too.
Confirm with a lumbar puncture.
And on the off chance we're wrong,
find out what else he's been lying about,
besides his job and his drug use.
You sure do hide a lot from your wife.
Your job, your drug use, what else?
BERT: What does it matter?
We can't help you unless you're completely honest with us.
I was doing manual labor.
If I came home barely able to move,
Diane would know something's up.
That's why I take the Vicodin, to hide the pain.
I'm not an addict.
Is that all you're hiding?
I didn't just lose my job.
I mean, that's how it started,
but I figured it'd just last a couple of months.
I maxed out our credit cards,
took a double mortgage on the house
and I sold all of our investments.
Who'd have thought the recession would last this long?
So it's Obama's fault you're lying to your wife?
Look, I screwed up,
but it's too late now.
I need you to roll over on your left side for the procedure.
Haven't you ever done something in a relationship
you wish you could take back?
- Maybe. - How'd you handle it?
I told the truth, eventually.
How'd that work out?
Not well.
I need some intel on this charity event on Friday night.
If I go, do I have to actually give money to charity?
I'm QO-WQ-
I just don't want it to suck.
There has to be a way to make this fun.
Show up and behave. Problem solved.
Your problem solved.
Don't you think she deserves more than a plaque
and a round of applause for 15 years of running this dump?
It's a watch, not a plaque.
It's a cliché.
I want to make things more exciting.
Something she'll remember for more than 10 minutes.
Okay. By fun and exciting, you mean screwing this up for Cuddy,
so she won't even dream of asking you to go to one again.
You really can't stand seeing me happy, can you?
Gram stains are negative in the first CSF samples.
One down, three to go.
I'm starving. You want to get a bite...
Already have plans.
A date?
What difference does it make?
We're roommates, not a married couple.
We don't have to eat every night together.
So you're saying it's a date?
Yeah, it's a date.
I don't have plans.
Ooh. Shocking.
Are you mad because I picked you?
You're stuck actually doing your job?
A little hazing never hurt a med student.
I doubt it ever helped either.
I'm sorry that I think our patient
shouldn't be lying to his wife.
I'm a woman, I guess I just have a different perspective.
You're sharing this unique insight that women don't like lying?
No, I'm sharing my unique insight that you don't respect women.
You sleep with a different one every few days.
Or maybe you find meaning in meaningless relationships?
At least I have relationships.
I'm seeing a high lymphocyte count in the CSF sample.
And that couldn't wait until they finished mocking each other?
Means it's not meningococcemia.
(PAGERS BEEPING)
He's getting worse. He can barely move his legs.
BERT: I can't feel them. I can't feel my feet!
What is it?
What is happening to him?
FOREMAN: Luckily, he didn't lose his feet.
We were able to restore his circulation,
before any serious damage set in.
It's not meningococcemia. CSF was negative for bacteria.
But high on lymphocytes. It's some kind of viral infection.
Serum sickness fits everything.
There'd have to be a cause, some drug he's been exposed to.
In rare cases, a tick or spider bite could set it off.
Show of hands.
Who's going to this charity thing Friday night?
Already got a date.
HOUSE: Cuddy's getting an award.
I think we should all be there, show our support.
I assume you're planning on screwing it up,
so you want to maximize the witnesses.
Why does everyone go to that?
Experience.
Shut up. How about go or work the clinic all weekend?
I hear it's Genital Herpes Awareness Month.
HOUSE: Serum sickness fits.
Take him off the antibiotics, start him on corticosteroids.
If we're right, he'll be better by morning.
Canceled date, huh?
You're bugging my call phone?
No, I just noticed you're not wearing it.
What?
Your first-date shirt.
You're tracking my wardrobe?
I'm just observant.
It's why I'm good at my job.
It's also the reason you're starting to annoy the crap out of me.
Forgive me for trying to connect a little with my roommate.
(SIGHS)
I just found out that Rachel is now officially more than just emotional
with her online friend.
You're getting divorced, what'd you expect?
I know. You're right.
Just thinking about it kind of makes me want to throw up.
You still want to get something to eat?
I could cook.
FOREMAN: - That had to hurt. TAUB: - You suck.
Not as bad as you, and you just missed a free upgrade.
You just did it again. You ran past a power up.
Double damn.
Are you just letting me win?
Of course I'm not letting you...
Okay, maybe a little.
- You're having fun, right? - Not anymore.
I used to think the whole brooding thing
was just part of your work persona,
but now I live with you.
You need to lighten up, Bert.
And you think I need you to show me what? How to have fun? Relax?
It was working until you flipped out.
If I was going to take advice on how to live my life,
it would not be from you.
You're broke, you ruined your marriage
and yet you act like you're the victim here.
Like somehow we're all supposed to feel sorry for you.
You screwed up your life,
not some emotional friend your wife met on the...
(GROANS)
- What's wrong? - My stomach.
You poisoned me!
I ate the same thing you did.
How come I'm not...
Oh! Oh.
Oh, dear God.
Open the door, Bert. Please. Baby, talk to me!
He locked himself inside. He went crazy. He hit me.
CHASE: Bert.
Open the door, Bert.
DIANE: Bert, talk to us.
CHASE: - Bert? DIANE: - Open the door, Bert.
(DOOR KNOB RATTLING)
I can't get out! Why? I can't get out.
No! “U!
God! No!
Why can't I get out?
The skin rash is gone.
But whatever it is, it obviously moved into his brain.
- Or not. MARTHA: - He had a psychotic break.
I'd say that usually indicates neurological involvement.
Usually, not always.
The hallucinations stopped once the steroids
we gave him cleared his system.
I think... I think we caused this.
What happened to you?
Taub tried to kill me last night.
The steroids probably did clear up the rash,
but the rest of his symptoms are the same.
And now bilateral conjunctivitis.
Excuse me, I'll be back.
I better go check on him.
HOUSE: Swollen joints, high white count, fever, conjunctivitis.
Anyone?
FOREMAN: - Seriously? TAUB: - Seriously?
What, you two can't think and poop at the same time?
There's a life at stake here.
TAUB: Could be Familial Mediterranean fever.
FOREMAN: Not likely, that almost always
presents with abdominal pain or diarrhea.
Given his job, the skin and eye involvement,
it's more likely a systemic fungal infection.
We would have seen it in his blood work.
Unless the saline used to recover and store the tissue samples
has been shown in recent studies...
Get new blood and CSF samples
using formaldehyde instead of saline.
And start him and his wife on triple antifungal therapy.
His wife?
Well, if he's really trying to keep her happy,
I assume they've shared bodily fluids.
FOREMAN: I hate you.
You could have picked it up from your job.
The real one, not the fake one.
If you would've been more honest about...
How is that relevant?
If his wife knew about his job,
they both might have been more alert to the early symptoms.
We could have caught it earlier.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, my God, sweetheart. I'm so sorry.
Whatever you're doing, it's obviously not working.
We think he has a systemic fungal infection.
We're starting him on a parenteral antifungal regimen.
It can be transferred through bodily fluids,
so we have to start you on the treatment as well.
A fungus? Where would he...
Could be from anywhere. The spores can become airborne.
But why would he be the only one?
No one in our neighborhood, no one in his office building.
Sometimes it just happens that way. It's hard to explain.
No, it's not.
I need to talk to my wife in private for a moment.
Your numbers indicate the medication
isn't helping with your cholesterol...
(LIVELY BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey!
(WHISTLES)
Huh?
- What are you doing? - What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm auditioning a band for Friday night.
So you're trying to ruin (Buddy's moment in the spotlight.
Ruin? These guys recorded with Juan Gabriel.
They're gonna cost me two grand.
This is not a prank.
These guys are the beginning of (Buddy's evening to remember,
which in turn will make my evening...
I think if you do this,
your evening will end with you,
in your apartment alone with a sock.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(BAND MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE)
This is all for the best.
Yeah. Either that or the opposite.
If it means anything,
I think he's honestly just trying
to protect you and keep you happy.
Oh, God! Of course.
He would tell a bunch of strangers before he would tell me.
I mean, why not? I'm just a stupid housewife, right?
You know, I have something you can share with him. It's over.
He's a liar, and I never want to hear from him again.
You may want to go check on him, his fever's back.
But I'm done worrying about him.
She was right, he's at 101.
Diane?
MARTHA: We're gonna have to get your fever down.
What's wrong? What are you saying?
(INDISTINCT)
I can't hear you! I can't hear anything.
Why can't I hear anything?
His hearing's almost completely gone.
The new blood and CSF tests were negative for spores and fungus.
Tumor necrosis factor syndrome?
Fits the conjunctivitis and painful swelling in his joints.
Except it's never been documented to cause hearing loss. Ever.
Oh, no, she didn't.
This isn't the classroom.
In the real world, real doctors know
that patients can have more than one thing wrong with them.
- Zing. CHASE: - He was taking Vicodin.
Extreme abusers can experience hearing loss.
Except his drug levels never got into the ototoxic zone.
You have a better idea?
Ugh!
I do.
Only in the sense that you're
wasting my time with a bad idea
and she's wasting my time with no idea.
Maybe we should hear from silent and silenter.
It's probably neurological.
Brain tumor?
Or a viral infection that's reached his brain.
I say we go with Ernie on this one. Get an MRI. Find it.
I'm gonna move out next week.
I'd rather stay friends than be roommates.
Just make sure I get my keys back.
It's not my fault.
I cooked it thoroughly!
Looking forward to Friday night?
Yes and no.
Yes, because it's a great honor.
And, no, because... Well, you know the because.
You think House is gonna embarrass you?
Well, not intentionally.
- Maybe intentionally. - I know what you mean.
I picture him doing something stupid,
like hiring a mariachi band or something.
Actually, I could get behind that.
I tried to hire one last year, but the board wouldn't let me
because they thought it was too expensive.
I'm freezing.
Is Diane coming back?
Mmm-mmm.
Bedside 101.
When a patient is near death, try to be nice.
She's not coming back. I'm not gonna lie to him.
- Stop. - What? You heard what she said.
He's seizing. We got to get him out of there.
(BERT GRUNTING)
CHASE: Both his kidneys are fried.
TAUB: He's in a coma. He has maybe a few days left.
We could try and get him on the transplant list, but in his condition
and without a diagnosis, I don't see him getting selected.
He wouldn't survive the surgery.
Hence my previous comment.
What do you want us to do, House?
If it's a tumor, we start chemo,
bombard his head with radiation.
FOREMAN: Which will probably kill him in this state.
And without an MRI, we don't even know if he has one.
He's definitely dead if we do nothing.
If I'm wrong, all we do is shave a few hours off.
We'll need his wife's consent.
Masters will get it.
Probably not a good idea.
- Uh, he's right. HOUSE: - No, he's not.
Consider this me officially booting you out of the nest.
Just wanted to watch.
Do you even like me?
Why?
I put making friends and having relationships on hold,
so I could concentrate on studying.
I always thought there'll be plenty of time for that in the future.
But now, when I do want them...
I can't even get a date to this charity event.
If I can't establish relationships in my personal life,
how will I ever do it with a patient?
Be honest with her.
But if it comes down to a choice
between the brutal truth and hope,
side with hope.
He's in a coma.
We think it's a brain tumor. We need your permission to start treatment.
Due to his current condition, the risk factor...
You mean it could kill him?
It's possible,
but there is still hope.
Can he hear me?
They say that people in comas can still do that.
Sometimes, but your husband's hearing
is fine.
I didn't mean any of those awful things I said.
I'm so sorry.
(SNIFFLING)
I love you, Bert.
I've always loved you.
I also kept a secret from you.
I was going to tell you at the restaurant,
but you got sick.
Then I wanted to wait until you felt better.
I'm pregnant, sweetheart.
You're going to be a daddy.
HOUSE: Why rash again?
It went away, it needs a reason to come back.
We know it's not an allergic reaction,
so we must have done something to set it off again.
- What? - We put him on dialysis?
Moved him to the ICU?
We also did a partial MRI.
Two hours before the rash came back. They're not connected.
What was he doing two hours before he broke out the first time?
Cleaning a crime scene.
A crime scene and an MRI.
CHASE: Still not seeing the connection.
We've been missing connections this entire case.
Did he say anything? Did he show any signs of stress in the MRI room?
He said he was cold, but it's always freezing in there.
Cold then rash.
Cold urticaria causes rash,
but it's almost instantaneous, not time delayed.
FOREMAN: And it wouldn't explain his other symptoms.
That's what we did.
We made him cold.
CAPS.
A genetic disorder caused by a mutation
in the cold-induced auto-inflammatory syndrome 1 gene.
Muckle-Wells syndrome?
There's only been a couple of thousand documented cases in the US.
Well, now there's a couple thousand and one.
Fits every symptom there.
We're idiots for not seeing it before.
Treat with rilonacept.
He'll live a long and healthy life,
filled with lies to his wife and future child.
(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHS)
You Okay?
Why wouldn't I be?
I solved my case.
But your patient died.
I didn't say in time.
It happens, we can't save everyone.
I just came to apologize.
You're right, I am turning bitter and cynical inside.
You're finally putting the cat down.
She loves mariachi, I told you.
Go home and change, the party's in a few hours.
You don't have to move out,
if you don't want to.
I realize you might have had a point.
I've been alone a long time
and I don't want to end up like House.
What you said about me and my marriage...
- I was being an ass. - True.
But you were right. I needed to hear it.
So we're good?
You know, I have a couple tickets to...
Don't push it.
Taub and Foreman done? I'm hitching a ride with them.
Me, too.
You're not picking up your date?
No, going solo.
All those meaningless relationships tend to wear a guy out after a while.
FOREMAN: We've got 15 minutes to get there
if we want to see the board freak
when House's mariachi band marches in.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
All of them are gone, Wilson.
They're all dead, because I'm screwed up.
You lost one patient, and it wasn't your fault.
What about that mom who gave her baby cancer?
If I'd figured that one out quicker, she'd still be a mom, alive.
She refused treatment when it was offered.
How is that your fault?
Then there was that guy I spent a day trapped in isolation with.
I was five feet away the whole time.
Just watched him die, like an idiot.
Yeah.
You've lost patients before
and you'll lose patients again.
Exactly. Why?
(SIGHS) Because love and happiness are
nothing but distractions.
The only thing my relationship with Cuddy
has done for me is make me a worse doctor.
(CHUCKLES)
Right, the great Dr. House doesn't deserve to be happy.
You know it's not true.
My happiness is being paid for with other people's lives.
(SIGHS)
How is she?
She's worried. She's upset that you didn't show up tonight.
I got to tell her the truth, Wilson.
(WILSON LAUGHS)
First... First, you're not driving anywhere.
And second,
you're definitely not talking to Cuddy like this.
Okay-
Then I'm gonna walk.
(SIGHS)
(RHYTHMIC KNOCKING ON DOOR)
We really, really need to talk.
You're drunk and you screwed up big time.
Go home!
You completely disappeared on me.
You wouldn't even answer your cell phone.
You're gonna want to sit down for this.
Go ahead. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
(SIGHS)
I've made a decision.
Being happy and being in love with you
makes me a crappy doctor.
Shut up!
You're too drunk to end this relationship.
I am drunk, but I'm also right.
You have made me a worse doctor
and people are going to die because of that.
And...
...you...
...are totally worth it.
If I had to choose between
saving everyone
or loving you, being happy,
I choose you.
I choose being happy with you.
I will always choose you.
(LAUGHS)
My head's on your vagina.
Go to sleep, House.
Yeah, I am kind of tired.