COME ON, LET'S GET IT TOGETHER!
COME ON!
McGuirk: DIANE, LET'S GO!
HERE YOU GO!
McGuirk: DIANE, DON'T FALL, GET UP!
Brendon: THAT'S NOT DIANE.
McGuirk: GET UP, DIANE!
THAT'S NOT DIANE.
WHAT'S HER NAME?
Brendon: THAT'S CINDY.
SORRY.
CINDY, GET UP!
WE HAVE A DIANE ON OUR TEAM, RIGHT, BRENDON?
UH... I DON'T KNOW, I THINK SO.
WELL, DIANE AND CINDY, COME ON IN!
McGuirk: THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT.
I KNOW.
I SEE CINDY COMING—...
I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE A DIANE.
AND TO SUM UP, IN CONCLUSION, UM, SOME INSECTS OR BUGS
ARE VERY HELPFUL TO MANKIND AND OTHERS ARE NOT.
THANK YOU.
OH, VERY NICE, MELISSA.
THANK YOU.
Lynch: VERY NICE.
AS USUAL, VERY GOOD JOB.
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHO'S NEXT HERE.
UH... BRENDON.
UM, UH... I WAS UH... I WAS GOING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.
Lynch: WHY DON'T YOU COME RIGHT UP HERE?
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.
NOW, WHAT'S YOUR TOPIC OF YOUR PRESENTATION?
I'M GONNA, UH...
OKAY, WELL, COME ON UP, BRENDON.
HERE'S BRENDON.
THANK YOU, UM... FIRST OF ALL, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.
THANK... THANK YOU.
I, UH...
I WANTED TO TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT, UH... MY SHOES.
I COULD USE SOME NEW SHOES.
HMM.
I DON'T KNOW... MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP, AND, UH...
HMM.
YEAH, UH...
I, UH... HI.
AND, UM...
agonizing:
UH...
OKAY, IS THAT... THAT'S IT?
I... I'VE GOT MORE IF YOU WANT, ABOUT...
OH, UM... I HAVE A FEELING IT'S MORE OF THAT.
IT PRETTY MUCH, UH...
OH, BRENDON.
UH... I KNOW.
Lynch: BRENDON...
I KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU.
I DIDN'T HAVE...
Lynch: YOU KNOW...
I WANT TO SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.
All: OOH! Lynch: WE'LL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD RUSH INTO ANYTHING.
Lynch: WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO BRING YOUR MOTHER IN ON THIS, I'M SORRY.
NO, I... I CAN TALK TO HER MYSELF.
I... YOU DON'T... YOU DON'T...
I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL TALK TO HER.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL HER OR ANYTHING.
BRENDON?
YES.
YOU'RE A SMART KID AND YOU KNOW HOW TO...
YOUR MOVIES——YOU MAKE YOUR LITTLE MOVIES, RIGHT?
YES.
THAT TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF THOUGHT, RIGHT?
YES!
TAKE THAT ENERGY AND PUT IT INTO A PROJECT THAT'S IMPORTANT...
OH... OH...
TO SCHOOL.
ALRIGHT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT DOING WELL IN ANY SUBJECT?
AND, UH... IF YOU CONTINUE ON THIS PATH
YOU WILL BE IN FOURTH GRADE FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS.
WHAT, YOU MEAN I'M GOING... UH... YOU'RE GONNA HOLD ME BACK?
YES.
THAT'S... UH...
YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER.
WHAT IF, WHAT IF I GOT A SECOND CHANCE TO DO THE REPORT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU HAD A SECOND CHANCE...
AND MY MOM'S GOT TO DO THIS CONFERENCE THING, AND...
HE'S GOING TO TELL YOUR MOM?
WELL, I TOLD HIM NOT TO MENTION IT.
BRENDON, THIS IS SERIOUS.
I KNOW!
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
I DON'T NEED THIS.
I JUST HAD LYNCH SCREAMING AT ME FOR THE LAST HOUR.
WELL, MAYBE STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE.
HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO BE FOR ME IF YOU HAVE
TO STAY IN FOURTH GRADE?
AND YOU'RE IN FIFTH?
WELL, YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE IN FIFTH;
I'M NOT GETTING LEFT BACK.
YOU COULD GET HELDED BACK WITH ME.
WELL, I'M NOT THAT GOOD AT NOT DOING MY WORK
THE WAY THAT YOU ARE.
I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO?
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
UH... I ASKED HIM.
HE SAID I COULD DO THE REPORT AGAIN.
THEN THAT'S IT.
YOU JUST HAVE TO DO THE SPEECH OVER AND YOU THEN
YOU WON'T BE HELD BACK.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY HELPING... A LOT.
I JUST TOLD YOU THAT.
NICE ATTITUDE!
HEY, I'M A LITTLE...
HEY, I'M... I'M...
BRENDON, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DID TO GET READY FOR MY SPEECH?
WHAT?
I WENT TO THE LIBRARY.
OH, I'M NOT GOING TO THE LIBRARY.
I USED ENCYCLOPEDIAS.
I'M NOT GOING TO THE LIBRARY.
I XEROXED PICTURES IN THE BOOKS.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT—...
WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
MY POINT IS, TAKE MY SPEECH.
HE'S ALREADY HEARD IT.
YOU JUST CHANGE SOME STUFF AROUND A LITTLE BIT.
HE'S ALREADY HEARD IT!
I'LL TRY IT, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
OKAY.
I'LL FIX SOMETHING, I DUNNO.
HELLO, IS ANYBODY... ARE YOU HOME?
YEAH, I'M HOME.
OKAY, I JUST DECIDED TO COME HOME AND, UH... HANG OUT,
YOU KNOW AND SEE IF THERE'S ANY...
BRENDON, MR. LYNCH CALLED.
OH, JESUS!
YEAH, WELL, HE DID CALL, AND...
I FOUND OUT THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO HAVE DONE A PRESENTATION FOR CLASS THAT APPARENTLY TURNED OUT
TO BE ABOUT YOUR SHOES.
MOM, I WAS LOOKING DOWN THAT'S ALL THAT I SAW.
IT WAS LIKE AN IMPROMPTU...
BRENDON, YOU'RE GONNA GET HELD BACK IF YOU'RE NOT ABLE
TO COMPLETE THIS ASSIGNMENT.
MOM... Paula: YEAH..
WHAT I HAVEN'T EXPLAINED TO YOU IS THAT I AM SO FAR BEHIND.
I HAVE NOT DONE HOMEWORK FOR THE LAST YEAR.
BRENDON, THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST TELL ME THAT
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ALL JOLLY ABOUT IT?
Paula: THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
MOM, YOU THINK I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS?
I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
Paula: SWEETIE, I WANT YOU TO WORK UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL.
AND YOUR POTENTIAL IS VERY, VERY, VERY HIGH.
OH, DON'T DO THAT, MOM.
HONEY?
YEAH?
YOU'RE A LUCKY BOY YOU HAVE MY GENES.
I KNOW.
Paula: ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE MAKING YOU COME IN FOR A MEETING.
I CAN'T GO IN FOR A MEETING—-
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
MOM, I KNOW THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE FOR YOU
AND I KNOW YOU DON'T DO WELL IN MEETINGS.
Paula: I DON'T DO WELL IN MEETINGS.
Brendon: YOU'RE THE ONLY CHANCE I'VE GOT.
Paula: BRENDON...
Brendon: MOM, NO...
THE CHANCE YOU'VE GOT...
MOM, JUST LISTEN. JUST DON'T ANSWER FOR A SECOND.
YOU GO TO THE THING.
YOU SCHMOOZE THEM, YOU DO WHATEVER—...
TURN ON THE CHARM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT.
BRENDON! YES?
I CANNOT GO TO A PARENT—TEACHER CONFERENCE.
NO, NO, NO, YES, YOU CAN!
Paula: BRENDON, I CAN'T DO THIS.
Brendon: WHAT A MINUTE, THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT ATTITUDE.
MOM, YOU CAN, YOU CAN... YOU ARE SO...
YOU ARE SO SMART AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT!
HONEY... Brendon: NO, NO!
YOU ARE SO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO, AND...
WE'LL LAY OUT YOUR CLOTHES TOMORROW...
Brendon: I'LL MAKE YOU SOME BREAKFAST.
BRENDON, I CAN'T GO TO A PAREN—- TEACHER CONFERENCE.
THEY... THEY STARE AT ME FUNNY THE WHOLE TIME.
Paula: YOU'RE GOING TO END UP IN THE FIRST GRADE
BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED TALKING TO THEM.
I'M NOT LISTENING!
ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
I'M GONNA...
I'M PLAYING A CHARACTER THAT DOES NOT DO WELL WITH WORK
AND I HAVE TO DO THESE ANNUAL REPORTS
BUT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING, OKAY?
AND, UH...
AND I HATE GIVING SPEECHES.
AND JASON, THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN, OKAY?
I PLAY A MONSTER.
YEAH, YOU COME IN AND WE KIND OF SWITCH PLACES 'CAUSE
I TURN INTO YOU AND THEN YOU GO, "I, UH... IT'S NOT MY FAULT."
LET'S DO...
LET'S DO THE MONSTER FIRST, AND THEN ALL THE OTHER PARTS AFTER.
YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT IN SEQUENCE
'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY EDITING—...
NO, 'CAUSE PEOPLE SHOOT OUT OF SEQUENCE SOMETIMES.
JASON, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
BECAUSE I READ "SCORSESE ON FILM."
OH! OH.
WE SHOULD SHOOT DAY—FOR—NIGHT,
LIKE TRUFFAUT.
YES, GOOD, I'M GONNA THINK ABOUT THAT.
AND... ACTION!
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
GOOD PEOPLE OF THE COMPANY WE BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY
SO THAT BRENDON SMALL CAN GIVE THE ANNUAL REPORT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BRENDON SMALL.
PLEASE GIVE HIM YOUR ATTENTION.
UH... AS FAR AS THE ANNUAL REPORT GOES
I DON'T HAVE IT ON ME, AND, UH... OH...
IN THE MEANTIME, I WOULD... OH... BOY!
I THINK I MIGHT BE TURNING INTO A MONSTER!
OH, MY... AAAAAAH!
I'M A MONSTER.
HELP!
HEY, HE'S USING TELEKINESIS!
THAT'S RIGHT, I'M USING TELEKINESIS!
I'LL BURN YOU ALL UP AND MAKE YOU CRISPY!
MY FLESH IS GETTING HOT!
WELL, HE WAS BETTER LAST YEAR, YEAH.
Friend: Uh—huh.
PEOPLE AT THE SCHOOL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF ME.
THEY JUST SORT OF STARE AT ME WITH THEIR MOUTHS HANGING OPEN.
WELL, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HAPPENS IS THAT
WHEN I'M IN A SITUATION WHERE IT'S INAPPROPRIATE
FOR ME TO CURSE—...
I CAN'T HELP IT, AND THEREFORE THESE PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES
GO REALLY, REALLY BAD.
YOU KNOW, I SAY EVERYTHING I THINK.
THAT'S OBSESSIVE—COMPULSIVE DISORDER IS
YOU SAY EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
IN FACT I EVEN SAY SOME THINGS THAT YOU THINK
THAT I HADN'T THOUGHT OF.
OF COURSE AT THE LAST ONE, I BROUGHT DRINKS
AND MAYBE THAT WAS A MISTAKE, AND I KNOW THAT NOW.
I HAD THAT LITTLE TO—GO JIGGER CUP THING.
WELL, IT SEEMS THAT THE MONSTER HAS TAKEN OVER NEW YORK
AND IT'S MY DUTY AS CAPTAIN OF THE... ARMY TO KILL THE MONSTER.
EXCUSE ME.
Jason/Monster: MONSTER COMING THROUGH.
COMING THROUGH—— HOW YOU DOING?
AIM FOR HIS HEART!
Brendon: KILL HIM! FIRE!
AAAH!
DIRECT HIT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT YOURSELVES
BEFORE YOU TAKE IT OUT ON ME!
I'M JUST ONE MONSTER...
AND WHEN I'M GONE...
YOU'LL REMEMBER ME!
OW!
AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK AT YOURSELVES
AND OWN UP TO WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
Jason/Monster: FOR ISN'T EVERY MAN A MONSTER?
I GUESS HE'S RIGHT.
I GUESS WE'RE ALL...
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M RIGHT!
I... I KNOW.
SO STOP SHOOTING!
OKAY, HEY, GUYS...
DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT IF YOU STOP NOW
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET SURGERY?
UH... YEAH, NO, NO...
I'M GONNA TELL 'EM, HOLD ON.
TELL THE GUY WHO'S SHOOTING TO STOP SHOOTING!
WHO'S SHOOTING?
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, TELL 'EM TO STOP!
I'M TRYING.
I MEAN, HELLO!
I KNOW.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER YOUR PEOPLE?
I...
OW!
HEY, YOU GUYS, WHO'S SHOOTING?
WHO IS SHOOTING?
OH, FORGET IT.
LEAVE IT ALONE. I'LL JUST DIE.
LOOK, HE'S TURNING BACK TO A MAN.
WHY'D YOU MAKE ME DO THAT SPEECH?
McGuirk: LYNCH, HOW ARE YOU?
OH, HELLO, McGUIRK.
HOW YOU DOING?
OH, I'M FINE.
McGuirk: YEAH?
I DIDN'T COME UP HERE JUST TO TALK TO YOU AND CHAT.
I WAS WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO BRENDON SMALL YESTERDAY.
I UNDERSTAND HE WAS WITH YOU AFTER SCHOOL AND, YOU KNOW,
I HAD A 3:30 PRACTICE, AND...
MY UNDERSTANDING, LYNCH WAS THAT BRENDON WAS GOING
TO BE AT PRACTICE YESTERDAY.
I NEED HIM AT PRACTICE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A GAME AGAINST KENT COMING UP ON SATURDAY.
THAT'S AN IMPORTANT GAME, ISN'T IT?
IT IS.
MM—HMM.
WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY TEACH, LYNCH?
I NEVER UNDERSTOOD EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO.
IT'S FOURTH GRADE—...
I TEACH ALL SUBJECTS EXCEPT FOR SOCCER.
YEAH, WELL, I MEAN, SOCCER IS NOT THE ONLY THING I TEACH,
BY THE WAY.
Lynch: REALLY? THAT'S CORRECT.
McGuirk: SOCCER IS FALL AND WINTER.
I HAVE A SPRING SPORT AS WELL...
WHICH IS ALSO SOCCER.
SO I GUESS I JUST TEACH SOCCER BUT IT'S TWO SEASONS
SEPARATED BY...
WHAT IF BRENDON IS NOT DOING WELL IN SOCCER?
DO YOU WANT HIM TO DO BETTER?
YOU KNOW, LYNCH, IT'S FUNNY—...
WHEN I TALK TO YOU, I GET A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BEING CONDESCENDING TO ME
AND I HOPE THAT'S NOT THE CASE BECAUSE IF IT IS,
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS AND IF IT ISN'T,
THEN LET'S CLEAR IT UP RIGHT NOW.
SO YOU COULD TELL ME WHETHER YOU'RE BEING CONDESCENDING TO ME
WHENEVER WE SPEAK AND IF YOU SAY "YES," I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP
RIGHT HERE IN THE FACULTY LOUNGE AND IF YOU SAY "NO,"
I'M GONNA SAY "FINE."
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU BEING CONDESCENDING RIGHT NOW?
HMM...
SO, HERE'S BRENDON WITH HIS NEW PRESENTATION.
BRENDON?
Brendon: THANK YOU.
I DECIDED THIS TIME THAT I WAS GOING TO PREPARE
BECAUSE LAST TIME, WHOO! YOU KNOW?
SO THIS TIME I... I WENT TO THE LIBRARY AND I'M JUST HERE
TO TELL YOU PEOPLE THAT
YOU CAN'T JUST GO TO THE LIBRARY AND EXPECT TO SIT DOWN
AND HAVE A REPORT JUST HAPPEN——
JUST TO FALL IN YOUR LAP HERE, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO PUT EFFORT INTO
AND IF YOU THINK YOU'RE JUST GONNA SQUEEZE BY
WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK THEN YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.
EVERYBODY, BRENDON SMALL.
GOOD JOB, BRENDON.
McGuirk: BRENDON, BRENDON, THE BALL!
I... I...
THE BALL'S GOING BY YOU.
Brendon: DON'T WORRY.
BRENDON, COME OUT.
I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
COME ON, FORGET IT.
I'M DOING IT!
BRENDON, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU FROM THERE.
NOW COME IN.
I HAVE A QUESTION.
McGuirk: COME TO ME!
I'VE GOT A QUESTION.
McGuirk: BRENDON, YOU'RE SCREWING THE GAME UP.
NOW, COME IN HERE!
McGuirk: MELISSA, GO GET BRENDON AND BRING HIM BACK HERE,
PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THE FIELD?
COME ON, REF, I'M TRYING TO GET THE KID OUT.
I SENT THE KID IN TO GET THE KID OUT.
THAT'S WHAT I DID.
YOU SAW IT.
McGuirk: OH, COME ON!
PUT DOWN THE WHISTLE.
BRENDON? YEAH?
GO TO THE STORE AND GET ME SOME SODA. OKAY.
McGuirk: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
OH, COME ON, REF!
I PUT THE BEEPER NUMBER BY THE PHONE.
Paula: UM, 8:30 IS BEDTIME.
HMM?
IT WAS 7:30 UNTIL JUST VERY SHORT...
MM—HMM.
I ONLY WANT THE KIDS UP 15 OR 20 MINUTES A DAY.
MMM.
AND, UH...
MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO THE ZIPLOC BAGS WHEN YOU PUT THE FOOD
BACK IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
MAKE SURE YOU DO THE ZIP.
SEE HOW IT CHANGES COLOR THERE?
MM—HMM, MM—HMM.
Paula: WATCH THIS.
SEE HOW YOU PUSH IT DOWN AND IT MAKES IT CHANGE COLOR?
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW YOU'VE LOCKED IN THE FRESHNESS.
MM—HMM, MM—HMM.
HOW LATE CAN YOU STAY?
MM—HMM.
Samantha: THEY'RE DOWNSTAIRS MAKING A MOVIE.
OOH, WHAT ELSE DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE?
OOH, SNACK PAC.
OH—UH, WHAT IS THIS?
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT'S IN THE ICE—CREAM SECTION.
THIS THING'S OLDER THAN ME.
I COULD DIE EATING THE FOOD IN HERE.
I COULD ACTUALLY DIE.
I COULD HAVE A...
OH, MY GOD, I COULD HAVE A LAWSUIT.
WE CAN WORK THIS THING OUT.
I WAS ON THE PHONE TALKING TO MY FRIEND.
ALL OF A SUDDEN I HAD A BITE OF SHERBET AND, OH, THE SHERBET—...
IT'S BAD, BAD SHERBET.
BRENDON.
YES.
WE'RE VERY HAPPY THAT YOU'RE, UM...
YES?
THAT YOU CAME TO LIVE WITH US IN OUR GUESTHOUSE
AND WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU DECIDED TO MOVE TO OUR SMALL TOWN.
WHY DID YOU?
I MEAN, A GUY LIKE YOU...
I KNOW, I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
YEAH, YOU'RE VERY TIGHT—LIPPED ABOUT YOUR PAST.
I GET THAT A LOT.
RIGHT.
YEAH.
WHY?
HEY, HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
FINE, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR PAST?
IT'S BEST YOU DON'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT...
THERE'S ONE THING I DO KNOW AND THAT'S THAT
IT'S SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRENDON.
OH, YOU GUYS.
BLOW OUT THE CANDLES.
MAKE A WISH.
SPEECH, SPEECH.
NO, WHAT'D YOU SAY?
SPEECH.
NO!
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I GIVE A SPEECH!!
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
MY CAKE.
I'LL KILL YOU FIRST.
I'LL KILL YOU FIRST, LADY.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU HAVE O.C.D.?
I HAVE O.C.D.
Both: HMM.
IT MEANS TWO THINGS.
IT MEANS, UH... IT MEANS I CAN'T BE QUIET.
Both: MM—HMM.
A LOT OF TIMES I FIND MYSELF TALKING ABOUT THINGS
THAT AREN'T REALLY THE SUBJECT.
WHENEVER I COME TO THESE PAREN—- TEACHER CONFERENCES,
I CAN'T... I SAY F——K OVER AND OVER AGAIN
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT THAT IS A...
IT'S LIKE A COUSIN OF TOURETTE'S OR SOMETHING.
IT'S A SYMPTOM WHERE, YOU KNOW F——K THIS, F——K THAT,
F——KIN' PHONICS.
IT'S A PROBLEM.
AND, AND, YOU KNOW A LOT OF TIMES I THINK,
FOR THESE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE, YOU KNOW,
THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH BRENDON'S TEACHERS...
MM—HMM...
I THINK I GET OFF ON A BAD START AND THEN I GET OFF
ON A BAD MIDDLE AND THEN EVENTUALLY, I GO TO A BAD END.
HOLD I HAVE TO TAKE MY SWEATER OFF
BECAUSE I'M REALLY F——KIN' HOT.
Samantha: UH... SORT OF.
I GUESS, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL IT.
NUH, HE WAS A WIMP.
YOU KNOW, I, I... HE WASN'T GONNA PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME
SO I PUT MY ARM AROUND HIM AND I COULD FEEL HIM
TWITCH A LITTLE BIT SO I TIGHTENED MY GRIP A LITTLE BIT
AND I SAID, "DON'T TWITCH, RELAX.
JUST RELAX, RELAX, WE'RE HAVING FUN, YOU KNOW"
AND I COULD FEEL HIM LIKE TRYING TO PULL.
HE WAS PULLING THE OTHER WAY AND I WAS LIKE,
"HEY, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
I THINK YOU'RE REALLY A NICE PERSON."
AND I PULLED HIM IN AND ALL OF A SUDDEN LO AND BEHOLD,
HE'S IN A HEADLOCK.
HE'S LIKE, "LET ME OUT OF THIS HEADLOCK!"
I DON'T KNOW, HE HASN'T CALLED.
Jason: BRENDON?
AND A ...YES?
I HAVE A SORE THROAT.
FROM SCREAMING?
Jason: YES. THAT WAS, UH...
BUT ALSO, I HAVE PINK—EYE, TOO.
OH, JASON.
I'M GONNA... I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE.
HEY, THANKS FOR COMING.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, DUANE.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU.
Brendon: JASON, YOU SHOULDN'T BE...
'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA GET SICK NOW.
IF YOU'RE CONTAGIOUS, YOU SHOULD STAY AT HOME.
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAID.
DOES YOUR MOM KNOW THAT YOU LEFT?
Brendon: YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT, JASON.
I'M DIZZY.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TELL THE BABY—SITTER.
OKAY.
YEAH.
OH, GOD.
COVER YOUR MOUTH.
COUGH THE OTHER WAY, PLEASE.
HOLD IT, I'M CHOKING.
OH, I THINK I'M BETTER.
CAN I GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER?
NO, NOTHING FOR ME, THANK YOU.
I DON'T LIKE TO DRINK IN FRONT OF YOU PEOPLE.
'CAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?
WELL, YES.
Both: HMM.
NOW, I HAVE TO ASK YOU THIS.
DO YOU DO A FAIR AMOUNT OF DRINKING DURING THE WEEK?
Lynch: EVERY DAY?
NO, I USED TO HAVE A LITTLE RELAXER, A LITTLE...
ONE GLASS OF WINE, A RELAXER, EVERY EVENING
WHICH WOULD MAKE BRENDON'S HOMEWORK A LOT EASIER
FOR ME TO DO.
Jason: I ALSO HAVE URINARY TRACT INFECTION.
IS THAT WHEN IT BURNS WHEN YOU PEE?
UM, IT FEELS WEIRD.
OH, MAN.
LIKE THERE'S STUFF IN IT.
LIKE FIRE?
NO, LIKE RICE.
YOU KNOW, ONE TIME, WHO WAS IT?—...
RUSSELL WEST, I THINK—...
SPIT OUTSIDE SO MISS MARTIN MADE HIM SPIT INTO A JAR.
HE HAD TO FILL A WHOLE JAR WITH SPIT AND I WAS SO JEALOUS.
I HAD ECZEMA ONCE BUT THAT'S NOT CONTAGIOUS.
I HAVE ECZEMA.
WHERE DO YOU HAVE IT?
I HAVE IT ON ELBOW, KNEE, CROTCH, AND, UM, UNDERARM
AND I HAVE HEAD ECZEMA, WHICH IS CALLED "CRADLE CAP."
WHAT IS CRADLE CAP?
HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.
OH, YOU TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
Melissa: OH, OHH!
Jason: IT'S WHITE.
EWW!
OH, JESUS.
Melissa: YOU SHOULD WEAR A HAT.
AND IT FEELS GOOD WHEN I PICK IT OFF
BUT THE TEACHERS HIT ME WHEN I DO IT.
MR. IRVIN HIT ME WHEN I HAD...
HE REALLY HIT YOU?
'CAUSE I KEPT PICKING CRADLE CAP,
AND THEN MRS. HANNEMAN HIT ME WHEN I POOED MYSELF IN CLASS.
WELL, LYNCH.
MCGUIRK.
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
WE LOST TO KENT 31 TO ZERO WHICH, UH,
I GUESS MAKES IT 14 YEARS IN A ROW, THANKS TO YOU.
DID, UH...?
I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU, LYNCH—...
I'M NOT THRILLED ABOUT THE WAY YOU HANDLED IT AND, UH...
I COULD TAKE IT UP WITH THE SCHOOL COMMITTEE
OR I COULD TAKE IT UP WITH THE PRINCIPAL.
I COULD DO A LOT OF THINGS, BUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
IS PULL ON YOUR BOW TIE AND UNTIE IT
RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY TO EMBARRASS YOU.
MAYBE I'LL DO THIS WHERE I TOUCH YOUR T
AND THEN HIT YOUR FACE.
OR I'LL DO THIS.
I'LL JUST HIT YOU BACK AND FORTH WITH MY HAND ACROSS YOUR FACE,
AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
ALRIGHT?
HMM—MM.
OR MAYBE I'LL BEND DOWN AND UNTIE YOUR SHOES
TIE 'EM TOGETHER LIKE I'M DOING RIGHT NOW.
UM—HMM.
Paula: BOY, THAT WAS...
THAT WAS A NEAR MISS.
REALLY? WHAT... WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, THEY'RE GONNA GET A TUTOR FOR YOU.
AND THEY SAID THAT I GET TO KEEP BEING THE MOM.
MOM.
IS THAT A SUCCESSFUL DAY FOR THE SMALLS?
MOM, YOU SCREWED ME.
YOU SCREWED ME.
A TUTOR?
McGuirk: YOU KNOW WHAT, LYNCH?
I'M GONNA STOP.
I'M NOT GONNA MESS WITH YOU ANYMORE, OKAY
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SIT HERE AND HUMILIATE YOU.
UH—HUH.
ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE LITTLE BIT WITH THE HAIR, BUT THAT'S IT.
WHAT DO YOU USE IN THAT, BY THE WAY?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
JUST SOMETHING THAT COMES IN A BOTTLE.
IT'S NICE. YEAH.
IT LOOKS GOOD.
RIGHT, BUT IT'S NOT A VERY GREASY GREASE.
IT'S JUST KIND OF...
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.
ORIGINALLY I THOUGHT YOUR MUSTACHE LOOKED SILLY,
BUT IT'S NOT BAD, LIKE A THIN ONE.
YOU DON'T SEE THAT TOO OFTEN.
I USED TO MAKE FUN OF IT TO EVERYBODY ELSE...
Lynch: YES, I LIKE MY MUSTACHE.
I'M JUST SAYING I LIKE, I LIKE IT TOO NOW.
I'M SAYING I'M COMING AROUND ON IT.
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
AND, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T MEAN TO COME DOWN ON YOU
ABOUT THAT BRENDON SMALL THING BEFORE.
I MEAN, THAT WAS KINDA SILLY.
WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER.
I MEAN, THESE CHILDREN ARE HERE FOR...
FOR OVERALL EDUCATION,
AND YOU'RE PART OF THAT. WHATEVER.
Paula: YEAH, OKAY, BRENDON LOOK,
I GUESS YOU PROVED WHAT YOU WANTED TO PROVE.
NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING.
YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANY WORK ALL YEAR.
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT.
NOW, WOULD YOU DO ME AN ENORMOUS FAVOR AND JUST SHOW THEM
THAT YOU CAN DO IT?
WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, THEN OKAY.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOUSY IF I POSSIBLY CAN.
I'LL DO IT, I WILL.
I'LL TRY HARD BUT THIS IS IT.
I'M NEVER DOING IT AGAIN.
Kubrick, Scorsese, Altman, Spielberg, Lucas—...
They are all fabulous directors and every single one of them
had a tutor, just like me.
Thank you very much, and I hope you enjoyed my speech.
Back to you, Brendon.
THANK YOU, BRENDON.
GOOD WORK UP THERE, BY THE WAY.
Thanks.
How are you doing?
FINE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
Fine.
Mr. Lynch?
BRENDON?
Ha—ha!
Brendon: WHAT IS THIS——
A GLASS OF WATER?
MMM...
♪ Oh, say can you see ♪
♪ By the dawn's early light... ♪
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU IS I NEED SOME REACTION CUTAWAYS
SOME REACTION SHOTS OF YOU SCREAMING AND SAYING,
"OH, MY GOD, IT'S A MONSTER."
I'M GONNA TURN THE CAMERA ON.
OKAY, NOW GIVE ME A "OH, MY GOD, IT'S A MONSTER!"
OH, MY GOD...
OH, MY GOD, IT'S A MONSTER.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME MORE THAN THAT.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S A... IT'S A MONSTER!
THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY NOW, LIKE, "HE'S WRECKING THE CITY!"
HE'S WRECKING THE CITY!
THAT'S GOOD, OKAY.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
THAT'S GREAT! KEEP GOING!
IT'S A MONSTER!
LOOK, I WANNA...
PUT ME DOWN!
THAT'S GREAT.
HOW 'BOUT...?
PUT ME DOWN!
OW, MY RIBS!!
YOU'RE CRUSHING MY HEAD!
THAT'S...
Lynch: STOP IT!!!
STOP HURTING MY LEG!!
OKAY, JUST, YEAH, THAT'S...
YEAH, OKAY, IF YOU COULD JUST...
A LITTLE BIT LESS, A LITTLE LESS OVER—THE—TOP.
YOU'RE KINDA DOING IT TOO MUCH.
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