1
00:00:06,695 --> 00:00:09,443
[Sally, typing]
It's not easy being single
in New York City,
2
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:14,143
especially when
you're an alien visiting
from a parallel universe.
3
00:00:16,989 --> 00:00:21,432
Uh-oh, that's a little
too much information.
4
00:00:22,872 --> 00:00:24,150
But there's nothing
a little success
5
00:00:24,215 --> 00:00:26,228
or a lot of sex can't fix.
6
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:29,041
Take Dick, for example.
7
00:00:29,106 --> 00:00:31,600
Finding his job
shallow and unrewarding,
8
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,229
he was ready to
load the pockets
9
00:00:33,295 --> 00:00:34,669
of his custom-tailored suit
with rocks
10
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,171
and jump in the East River.
11
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:39,592
Oh, my God.
Look at those shoes.
12
00:00:39,688 --> 00:00:43,108
Then he walked into
a dive on 48th
13
00:00:43,174 --> 00:00:45,954
where people ordered
drinks on the rocks.
14
00:00:46,019 --> 00:00:48,096
There he found
his true love,
15
00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:49,758
and that rocks.
16
00:00:49,823 --> 00:00:51,676
I'm a lawyer.
17
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:54,298
While on
the other side of town,
18
00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:57,080
Tommy was a big success
on Saturday Night Live.
19
00:00:57,145 --> 00:00:59,477
His head was as big
as the Statue of Liberty's,
20
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:03,186
only there weren't
any tourists
inside his face,
21
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:06,287
And Harry, either through
sheer determination
22
00:01:06,352 --> 00:01:09,677
or sheer stupidity,
was climbing to
the top of his game
23
00:01:09,741 --> 00:01:11,722
as a network executive.
24
00:01:11,852 --> 00:01:14,503
Why don't we make
one night Will,
one night Grace?
25
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,477
As for me,
I've heard it said
26
00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:19,907
that you can't
fight City Hall.
27
00:01:19,973 --> 00:01:21,506
I don't know
if that's true or not,
28
00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:25,023
I just needed a segue into
'I'm sleeping with the Mayor.'
29
00:02:00,575 --> 00:02:04,729
♪ Romance is mush ♪
30
00:02:04,795 --> 00:02:09,589
♪ Stifling those who strive ♪
31
00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:12,723
♪ I live a lush life ♪
32
00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:18,253
♪ In some small dive ♪
33
00:02:18,351 --> 00:02:21,706
♪ And there I'll be ♪
34
00:02:21,771 --> 00:02:27,174
♪ While I rot with the rest ♪
35
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:30,435
♪ Of those whose lives ♪
36
00:02:30,499 --> 00:02:34,207
♪ are lonely ♪
37
00:02:34,273 --> 00:02:37,852
♪ Too ♪
38
00:02:41,721 --> 00:02:46,484
Oh, Mary,
that was beautiful.
39
00:02:46,549 --> 00:02:49,808
Much more
upbeat than usual.
40
00:02:49,906 --> 00:02:51,728
Sweetie, I am hurrying.
41
00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,614
These boots are super-high,
42
00:02:53,678 --> 00:02:55,340
plus they're really tight,
you know.
43
00:02:55,405 --> 00:02:57,641
Just put it down,
would ya?
44
00:02:57,707 --> 00:03:01,127
Don, I hope you realize
that this place
45
00:03:01,192 --> 00:03:03,717
is a total
waste of my outfit.
46
00:03:03,781 --> 00:03:07,009
Well, as long
as I can see it,
what else matters?
47
00:03:07,075 --> 00:03:11,678
You are such a doll.
Let's go someplace else.
48
00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:13,339
You know I can't.
49
00:03:13,437 --> 00:03:16,056
Of course, I do.
50
00:03:20,342 --> 00:03:21,939
Um, Tommy?
51
00:03:22,005 --> 00:03:22,930
Hey, Darrell,
what's up?
52
00:03:22,995 --> 00:03:23,889
Um, nothing.
53
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:25,297
I just saw Ana
out in the hallway.
54
00:03:25,362 --> 00:03:27,311
She's crying her eyes out.
What happened?
55
00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:28,878
Yeah, I broke up with her.
56
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,339
Oh...sorry. I--
57
00:03:31,404 --> 00:03:34,600
Well, I was
chomping at the bit,
you know what I mean?
58
00:03:34,665 --> 00:03:36,679
Sure. Sure.
59
00:03:36,743 --> 00:03:38,340
Don't mean anything
by it.
60
00:03:38,406 --> 00:03:41,026
You know, Tommy,
it's really funny
61
00:03:41,091 --> 00:03:42,944
how quickly
you guys hit it off.
62
00:03:43,010 --> 00:03:46,013
I've been trying
to get Ana to go out
with me for years,
63
00:03:46,079 --> 00:03:47,133
and she just
never would--
64
00:03:47,198 --> 00:03:48,699
And she never will, man.
65
00:03:48,764 --> 00:03:51,928
Because she doesn't know who
the real Darrell Hammond is.
66
00:03:51,993 --> 00:03:53,911
What does that mean?
67
00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:56,181
You hide behind
your impressions, man.
68
00:03:56,246 --> 00:03:59,026
With all your wigs,
your funny voices.
69
00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:03,118
She sees the mask
and she doesn't see the man.
70
00:04:03,183 --> 00:04:04,621
Whoa.
71
00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:07,403
Let me ask you a question.
What are you doin'
on update this week?
72
00:04:07,468 --> 00:04:09,257
I was gonna do Sean Connery
73
00:04:09,322 --> 00:04:11,046
talking about how it feels
to be a senior citizen.
74
00:04:11,112 --> 00:04:13,381
Yeah, well, why don't
you do Darrell Hammond
75
00:04:13,446 --> 00:04:16,930
talking about
what it feels like to be...
76
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,583
to be Darrell Hammond?
77
00:04:19,648 --> 00:04:22,620
I've been blind.
Tommy, I've been blind.
78
00:04:22,685 --> 00:04:23,579
Thanks, buddy.
79
00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:24,827
Hey.
80
00:04:24,891 --> 00:04:25,946
Thank you.
81
00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:28,375
No problem, guy.
82
00:04:33,396 --> 00:04:35,345
You know, I don't think
it's such a good idea
83
00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:36,752
for you to be
spending so much time
84
00:04:36,816 --> 00:04:38,894
in a seedy bar
like this, Mary.
85
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:41,419
Maybe, instead,
you should be singing
in a Broadway show.
86
00:04:41,484 --> 00:04:43,209
What a great idea.
87
00:04:43,274 --> 00:04:45,895
But I'm way
ahead of you, handsome.
88
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:50,083
It won't be long
before I'll be joining
the cast of Cats.
89
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:54,559
I've got bad news for you.
Mary, Cats is closed.
90
00:04:54,624 --> 00:04:57,150
Damn, that was fast!
91
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,867
Look. Here.
I've got something
that'll cheer you up.
92
00:04:59,931 --> 00:05:01,465
Ooh.
93
00:05:01,529 --> 00:05:04,471
Saks.
94
00:05:04,535 --> 00:05:06,677
Oh, you shouldn't
have done this.
95
00:05:06,742 --> 00:05:08,115
Please, accept it.
96
00:05:08,212 --> 00:05:11,216
I never said anything
about not accepting it.
97
00:05:11,282 --> 00:05:12,814
It's beautiful.
98
00:05:12,848 --> 00:05:14,829
The saleslady called it
a cocktail dress.
99
00:05:14,894 --> 00:05:17,546
I thought you'd get
a lot of use out of it.
100
00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:21,094
Okay. So, I know
you're not supposed
to go anyplace else,
101
00:05:21,159 --> 00:05:23,844
but, bear with me here,
what if we did?
102
00:05:23,909 --> 00:05:25,475
What do you think
would happen?
103
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:27,201
Well, you know
what would happen.
104
00:05:27,235 --> 00:05:28,863
Oh, I know.
105
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:31,677
But tell me anyway.
106
00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:34,586
Well, you-know-who
would have my ass in a sling.
107
00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:38,264
[chuckles]
Oh, yeah. I know.
108
00:05:38,328 --> 00:05:40,917
Who?
109
00:05:40,982 --> 00:05:42,771
The wife.
110
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:47,982
Of course.
Your wife.
111
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,741
You're married?
112
00:05:49,870 --> 00:05:50,860
Simmer down.
113
00:05:50,925 --> 00:05:52,234
Oh, my God.
You're married!
114
00:05:52,299 --> 00:05:54,440
This is so not good!
115
00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:55,847
What's going on?
116
00:05:55,912 --> 00:05:57,734
You've been okay
with this arrangement
for years.
117
00:05:57,799 --> 00:05:59,203
I have?
118
00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:01,442
I can't believe
I'd do that.
I am out of here.
119
00:06:01,507 --> 00:06:04,352
Come on.
Baby, baby, baby.
120
00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:06,270
You know you're the one.
121
00:06:06,334 --> 00:06:09,626
I'm gonna divorce her.
122
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,568
I just need
a little time.
123
00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:14,326
Okay.
124
00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:16,692
Sally.
125
00:06:16,758 --> 00:06:17,427
Dick.
126
00:06:17,557 --> 00:06:19,186
Don.
Albright.
127
00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:21,519
Kiki.
Donnie.
128
00:06:21,584 --> 00:06:22,991
Mary!
129
00:06:27,851 --> 00:06:31,623
[Darrell]
Um, you know,
New York is the only city...
130
00:06:31,687 --> 00:06:33,285
Isn't that
the guy who normally
does the impressions?
131
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:35,172
Darrell. Darrell Hammond.
132
00:06:35,236 --> 00:06:37,185
Yeah. Why isn't he funny?
133
00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:38,752
Some sort of experiment.
134
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,990
He wanted to
impress Ana Gasteyer,
135
00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:42,876
so he was gonna try
being himself.
136
00:06:42,941 --> 00:06:44,795
Ah. Well, that's
a big mistake, man.
137
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,256
Man! That felt so great!
138
00:06:47,322 --> 00:06:49,302
Tommy, they were
really listening to me,
weren't they?
139
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,485
They were, man.
140
00:06:50,550 --> 00:06:52,563
They were listenin'
for some jokes,
141
00:06:52,628 --> 00:06:54,546
and they weren't
quite hearing 'em.
142
00:06:54,611 --> 00:06:56,656
You know what?
I've been known to do
an impersonation myself.
143
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:57,903
Yeah. Here's you.
144
00:06:57,967 --> 00:06:59,597
"Boo-hoo-hoo.
I'm Darrell Hammond.
145
00:06:59,599 --> 00:07:00,940
"I don't got
a job no more.
146
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:03,241
"Boo-hoo-hoo.
How am I gonna
feed my child?
147
00:07:03,307 --> 00:07:04,296
Boo-hoo-hoo."
148
00:07:04,426 --> 00:07:06,119
Hi, Tommy.
Hi, Mr. Solomon.
149
00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:07,270
Did you see Darrell?
150
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,124
Um, yeah.
Yeah, some of it.
151
00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:13,249
Ana, that part
about me breaking my foot
on my sixth birthday,
152
00:07:13,314 --> 00:07:15,008
that really happened, man.
153
00:07:15,072 --> 00:07:18,267
Fact is so much
stranger than fiction.
154
00:07:18,301 --> 00:07:20,857
Stranger, but
it's not funnier.
155
00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:22,520
Hey, guys,
check this out.
156
00:07:22,585 --> 00:07:24,086
[as Sean Connery]
Could somebody
please tell me
157
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,005
where I can find
Miss Pussy Galore?
158
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:28,210
I didn't know
you did Sean Connery.
159
00:07:28,341 --> 00:07:32,303
That's good. You oughta
do that on the show.
160
00:07:37,003 --> 00:07:38,792
Can I open my eyes now?
161
00:07:38,794 --> 00:07:41,415
No. Just a...
162
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,077
just a few
more steps.
163
00:07:43,142 --> 00:07:46,722
Oh, Dick,
I've had my eyes closed
ever since the oyster bar.
164
00:07:46,786 --> 00:07:49,791
What was
that crunchy thing
you made me eat?
165
00:07:49,856 --> 00:07:53,436
I don't know.
I had my eyes closed, too.
166
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:58,103
Okay, you can look now.
167
00:07:58,137 --> 00:08:00,662
The Manhattan skyline.
168
00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:04,850
Hmm. Got anything to drink?
169
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,512
Champagne.
170
00:08:06,577 --> 00:08:08,750
I opened it this morning
so those annoying
little bubbles
171
00:08:08,816 --> 00:08:10,763
would have
a chance to disperse.
172
00:08:10,797 --> 00:08:12,906
Good thinking.
173
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,574
Cheers.
174
00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:21,411
Would you care
for an hors d'oeuvre?
175
00:08:21,476 --> 00:08:24,511
Duck eggs?
Salmon eggs?
176
00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:27,484
Quail eggs? Eggs?
Anything you want.
177
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,595
The sky's the limit.
178
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,258
Dick, if you're intent
on spending money on me,
179
00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:33,176
I can think of
other ways of doing it.
180
00:08:33,209 --> 00:08:34,391
Well, like how?
181
00:08:34,455 --> 00:08:36,788
Like giving me money.
182
00:08:36,853 --> 00:08:39,570
I'm sorry,
was that too blunt?
183
00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:41,904
Yes, but money's
not important.
184
00:08:41,968 --> 00:08:44,462
What's important is
that we love each other.
185
00:08:44,526 --> 00:08:46,284
What we have
is true love.
186
00:08:46,381 --> 00:08:48,139
I can't do it.
187
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:51,047
I can't take advantage
of another deluded guy.
188
00:08:51,112 --> 00:08:52,806
No, you're wrong, Mary.
189
00:08:52,870 --> 00:08:54,628
You're the one
who's deluded.
190
00:08:54,693 --> 00:08:55,971
Because whether
you know it or not,
191
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,602
we were meant
to be together.
192
00:08:57,666 --> 00:08:58,688
Oh, God.
193
00:08:58,753 --> 00:09:00,096
I love you, Mary.
194
00:09:00,192 --> 00:09:03,132
Oh, stop talking about love.
True love doesn't exist.
195
00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:04,826
True love is real.
196
00:09:04,891 --> 00:09:07,257
And powerful
and wonderful!
197
00:09:07,322 --> 00:09:10,453
Oh, don't you think
I'd like to believe in love?
198
00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:14,130
Life would be
a lot simpler if I could.
199
00:09:14,195 --> 00:09:15,696
Then pretend.
200
00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:17,263
How?
201
00:09:17,328 --> 00:09:19,278
It's easy.
202
00:09:19,342 --> 00:09:22,475
♪ [romantic jazz plays]
203
00:09:47,158 --> 00:09:48,627
What's that smell?
204
00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:49,938
[sniffs]
205
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:53,231
Is that platinum?
206
00:09:53,296 --> 00:09:54,893
Oh.
207
00:09:54,957 --> 00:09:58,793
Oh, Donnie.
Thank you, baby.
208
00:09:58,858 --> 00:10:00,105
What are you doing here?
209
00:10:00,169 --> 00:10:03,877
Isn't there some sort of
riot in the Bronx?
210
00:10:03,942 --> 00:10:08,417
Yeah. Good thing
we don't live up there.
211
00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:11,294
Sally, what would you say
if I told you
212
00:10:11,359 --> 00:10:12,669
that when
my wife asked me
213
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,002
why I was gonna be
late again tonight,
214
00:10:15,067 --> 00:10:16,826
I didn't lie?
215
00:10:16,890 --> 00:10:20,405
Oh, my God.
You told her
you wanted a divorce?
216
00:10:20,471 --> 00:10:23,411
No, I told her to shut up.
217
00:10:23,508 --> 00:10:24,689
Uh, okay.
218
00:10:24,755 --> 00:10:27,854
You know, I'm starting
to feel real bad.
219
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,348
I don't know
how much longer
I can do this.
220
00:10:30,382 --> 00:10:31,500
Well, hang in there.
221
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,546
I'll tell my wife
as soon as I'm out of office.
222
00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:36,776
I can't wait till you
step down as mayor.
223
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,867
Not mayor. President.
224
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,529
I'm going for the big one.
225
00:10:42,595 --> 00:10:45,184
And I want you
right there beside me.
226
00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:48,476
Behind the scenes.
227
00:10:48,541 --> 00:10:51,193
Out of sight.
228
00:10:51,258 --> 00:10:52,921
That is not
good enough for me, Don.
229
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,382
I mean, I wanna be
involved in your life
230
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,460
and share tender moments.
231
00:10:57,525 --> 00:11:00,465
I want to be your
Secretary of Defense.
232
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:04,270
Let's slow down
and reconsider this
in the shower.
233
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,932
You know what?
Forget it.
234
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:06,988
Sally--
235
00:11:07,053 --> 00:11:08,426
No, no, no.
Seriously, it's over.
236
00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:11,336
Get out!
237
00:11:17,475 --> 00:11:18,976
One last thing.
238
00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:20,862
Can I still
count on your vote?
239
00:11:22,846 --> 00:11:25,691
Of course. We still
agree on the issues.
240
00:11:28,728 --> 00:11:30,997
[knocking on the door]
241
00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:33,906
Just a minute.
242
00:11:39,375 --> 00:11:41,739
Come in.
243
00:11:41,804 --> 00:11:44,297
Hey, look at that
putt I just made.
244
00:11:44,362 --> 00:11:47,813
Lovely. Very nice.
Yeah.
245
00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:50,276
Mr. Solomon, your nephew
is here to see you.
246
00:11:50,341 --> 00:11:54,400
Tommy! Good to see you!
247
00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:56,446
Good to see you,
too, man.
248
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,140
It's funny.
We work in
the same building,
249
00:11:58,205 --> 00:11:59,835
I've never been
up to your office.
250
00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:01,498
It's very nice.
251
00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:03,576
Yeah, well,
lots of room to putt in.
252
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,589
Oh, hey, can I
sit in your chair?
253
00:12:05,654 --> 00:12:06,772
Oh, please.
254
00:12:06,837 --> 00:12:09,202
I think
you'll find it
still warm.
255
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:10,832
[sighs]
256
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,040
"Hey, look at me.
I'm Harry Solomon,
257
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:14,798
big president
of the network."
258
00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:17,643
"Look at me,
I'm Tommy Solomon,
259
00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:20,297
and I'm a big star
on Saturday Night Live."
260
00:12:20,362 --> 00:12:22,757
"I make important decisions
261
00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:25,859
like where to putt
in my office."
262
00:12:25,957 --> 00:12:27,681
"I get paid
the big bucks
263
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,455
just for
going whoo-whoo-whoo."
264
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,565
"Well, I've got
some news for you,
Tommy Solomon.
265
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,130
"Your ego's
gotten too big.
266
00:12:35,195 --> 00:12:37,464
You're demanding
too much money.
You're fired!"
267
00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:39,863
"I am out of control,
and I do want
too much money.
268
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:40,981
You're fired!"
269
00:12:41,079 --> 00:12:42,740
"You can't fire me,
you peon.
270
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,977
You're a lowly
cast member on SNL."
271
00:12:45,075 --> 00:12:46,704
No, I'm Harry now.
272
00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:48,494
You're fired!
273
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,710
What?
274
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,435
Yeah, I mean it.
You're really fired.
What for?
275
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:53,866
Well, for the same reasons
that you just fired me.
276
00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:56,551
Your ego's too huge and
you want too much money.
277
00:12:56,616 --> 00:12:58,981
Well, I'm not
taking it anymore.
You're off the show.
278
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,507
I am that show.
279
00:13:01,604 --> 00:13:04,192
Wait a second.
Who are you now?
280
00:13:04,258 --> 00:13:05,983
I'm me.
281
00:13:06,016 --> 00:13:07,773
Well, then
get away from my desk!
282
00:13:07,838 --> 00:13:08,636
You're confusing me.
283
00:13:08,766 --> 00:13:09,595
You listen to me.
284
00:13:09,661 --> 00:13:10,650
Lorne Michaels
is my boss.
285
00:13:10,716 --> 00:13:12,153
He can fire me.
You can't fire me.
286
00:13:12,218 --> 00:13:15,159
Well, I'll fire
his sad Canadian ass, too.
287
00:13:23,952 --> 00:13:26,668
Good morning.
288
00:13:26,732 --> 00:13:28,425
Good morning.
289
00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:33,350
Well, this is different.
290
00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:36,004
Well, what do you mean?
Being here with me?
291
00:13:36,069 --> 00:13:38,624
No, I mean
I can actually remember
292
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:41,886
everything I did
last night.
293
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,571
So do I.
I feel wonderful.
294
00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:47,609
In fact, there's something
important I have to ask you.
295
00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:48,568
Hmm?
296
00:13:48,633 --> 00:13:50,070
Will you...
297
00:13:50,135 --> 00:13:52,404
Will you move in with me?
298
00:13:52,470 --> 00:13:54,226
Move into
this beautiful loft?
299
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:57,583
Yes. We can have movers
bring over all your things,
300
00:13:57,648 --> 00:13:59,949
or we could just burn them.
301
00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:02,412
Okay. What the hell?
302
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:04,553
Oh, yes!
303
00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:07,239
See, Mary? You see?
How does it feel now?
304
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,166
What?
305
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:09,924
To know that you're
in love with me?
306
00:14:09,925 --> 00:14:12,770
Oh, look,
I liked the Gershwin,
307
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:15,295
and the eager-to-please
lovemaking.
308
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:16,543
Oh, we were so passionate.
309
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:19,452
You called out
my name three times.
310
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:23,129
"Larry! Larry! Larry!"
311
00:14:23,193 --> 00:14:25,845
Okay, maybe
it's not my name,
but the passion.
312
00:14:25,912 --> 00:14:28,051
I was pretending.
313
00:14:28,116 --> 00:14:29,874
You told me to pretend,
so I pretended.
314
00:14:29,939 --> 00:14:32,016
No, but it'll turn real.
I know it will.
315
00:14:32,081 --> 00:14:35,053
Sorry, Dick.
That will never happen.
316
00:14:35,118 --> 00:14:37,483
Love. Ha!
317
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:40,584
Mary Albright
can't feel love anymore.
318
00:14:40,617 --> 00:14:42,375
You're so damaged!
319
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,285
This life has been
so hard on you.
320
00:14:45,349 --> 00:14:46,755
Isn't there
anything I can do
321
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,089
to make you see
that we would be
perfect together?
322
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,423
No, Dick.
323
00:14:51,488 --> 00:14:56,026
Maybe it would've worked
in some other time
or some other place.
324
00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:58,201
Wait.
325
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,958
What did you just say?
326
00:15:02,997 --> 00:15:04,466
No, Dick.
327
00:15:04,531 --> 00:15:06,833
Maybe it would've worked
in some other time...
328
00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:07,824
[both] or some other place.
329
00:15:07,888 --> 00:15:09,038
I can do that.
330
00:15:09,135 --> 00:15:11,660
Here, quick.
Mary, take this.
331
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:13,674
Come on.
Come on with me.
332
00:15:13,739 --> 00:15:16,711
You're just like
all the rest,
tossing me out.
333
00:15:16,776 --> 00:15:18,310
You didn't even
let me get dressed.
334
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,261
No, no, I still want
you to live here, Mary.
335
00:15:20,325 --> 00:15:22,594
Go back to your place
and get your things
right now.
336
00:15:22,659 --> 00:15:24,225
Here, here's
some extra cash.
337
00:15:24,289 --> 00:15:25,791
You can get dressed
in the cab.
338
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,741
Are you sure
you wanna do this?
339
00:15:27,806 --> 00:15:30,234
Absolutely.
This is your home now.
340
00:15:30,299 --> 00:15:32,697
I hope it'll
make you happy.
341
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,757
Good-bye, Kiki.
342
00:15:36,823 --> 00:15:39,731
Bye.
343
00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:43,055
Sally!
344
00:15:43,121 --> 00:15:44,015
Sally, wake up!
345
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,412
Ugh!
346
00:15:46,477 --> 00:15:47,371
What?
347
00:15:47,436 --> 00:15:48,299
We're leaving.
348
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,121
I'm going home to Mary.
349
00:15:50,186 --> 00:15:51,879
Wait a minute.
But she's here.
350
00:15:51,977 --> 00:15:54,852
No. This Mary
is cold and soulless,
351
00:15:54,918 --> 00:15:57,218
and only willing
to do one or two
more things in bed
352
00:15:57,283 --> 00:15:59,775
than the other one.
353
00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:01,662
The tradeoff
just isn't worth it.
354
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,069
All right, look.
355
00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:05,627
Maybe you
are willing to give up
all this nice stuff,
356
00:16:05,691 --> 00:16:07,288
but I sure am not.
357
00:16:07,355 --> 00:16:11,126
I mean, whoever said
that diamonds are
a girl's best friend
358
00:16:11,191 --> 00:16:14,547
never saw
those black pearls
at Tiffany's.
359
00:16:14,612 --> 00:16:17,168
Hey, that sounded great.
Where's my laptop?
360
00:16:17,232 --> 00:16:19,566
No. Forget the laptop.
361
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:20,877
I would think that
given what's happened,
362
00:16:20,942 --> 00:16:22,539
you'd be dying
to see Don again.
363
00:16:22,605 --> 00:16:23,883
I don't know.
364
00:16:23,947 --> 00:16:26,216
I mean, after Mayor Don,
I just feel like
365
00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:28,518
I've seen a side of him
I really can't trust.
366
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,756
But that's not
the Don you love.
367
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,994
The one who went
to community college,
368
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,423
and went to night school
to become a cop.
369
00:16:36,479 --> 00:16:38,588
And went to
another night school
370
00:16:38,654 --> 00:16:41,370
after that one
didn't work out.
371
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:44,503
The Don who wouldn't
hurt a fly.
372
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,549
The Don who loves you.
373
00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:49,235
I wish that Don
was here in this apartment.
374
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,601
No kidding.
375
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:54,191
I'd almost be willing
to shack up here
with New York Mary
376
00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:57,740
if she wasn't
such a big ball of
emotional scar tissue.
377
00:16:57,836 --> 00:17:01,767
Wow. We are gonna
sacrifice money for love.
378
00:17:01,832 --> 00:17:03,845
We are so noble!
379
00:17:03,910 --> 00:17:05,124
I know!
380
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,275
How many shoes
do you think
381
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:07,969
I can get through
that portal, huh?
382
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:10,143
Well, I'm off to work.
Is my car here yet?
383
00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:13,149
Harry, we're going
back to Rutherford.
384
00:17:13,247 --> 00:17:14,236
Well, have a nice trip.
385
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,730
I think I left the iron on,
so you might wanna check.
386
00:17:16,795 --> 00:17:20,438
No, Harry.
Um, you're coming with us.
387
00:17:20,503 --> 00:17:22,516
I don't think you understand.
388
00:17:22,581 --> 00:17:27,184
I have got
a network to run!
389
00:17:27,248 --> 00:17:29,710
Look, we're not
leaving you here alone.
390
00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,308
I'm not alone.
Tommy's here.
391
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:34,154
No, he went
through the portal
after you fired him.
392
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,511
Harry, you can't be
a network president
alone in Manhattan
393
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,205
without adult supervision.
394
00:17:41,157 --> 00:17:44,129
Stop it!
You're treating me
the way you always treat me.
395
00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:47,103
Well, we're
in New York now,
and I'm respected here.
396
00:17:47,135 --> 00:17:49,212
You get his arms,
I'll get his legs.
397
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:50,363
What? No!
398
00:17:50,427 --> 00:17:52,409
Dubcek, I've got
a situation here.
399
00:17:52,474 --> 00:17:54,455
Send security
to the loft.
400
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,565
Huh? What?
401
00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:59,794
Well, that's a shocker.
402
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,576
Mm-hmm. I see.
403
00:18:02,641 --> 00:18:05,293
Yeah. Well, good luck.
404
00:18:05,391 --> 00:18:06,987
I don't believe it!
405
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:07,979
What?
406
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,153
I've been
replaced by Dubcek.
407
00:18:10,218 --> 00:18:12,263
I'm so sorry, Harry.
408
00:18:12,297 --> 00:18:13,861
They said that
she was really in touch
409
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:18,209
with what men
between 18 and 49
really want.
410
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:20,033
I see.
411
00:18:20,097 --> 00:18:22,559
Last one in the shower's
a dirty dog!
412
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,316
Whoo!
413
00:18:24,382 --> 00:18:26,778
Oh, shoes!
414
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:35,698
Ah, that was great.
415
00:18:35,762 --> 00:18:38,384
Oh, home at last!
416
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:43,147
Ah, the damn shoes
don't transfer!
417
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:51,076
Good old Rutherford.
What an inspiring view.
418
00:18:51,141 --> 00:18:53,281
Yeah, the tail lights
on the cars
419
00:18:53,346 --> 00:18:57,214
and the flame burning
over at the refinery.
420
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,260
You can even see
the fast food signs
421
00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:01,658
out at the interstate
off ramp.
422
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,864
It's simply breathtaking.
423
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,582
I find it
dumpy and depressing.
424
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:10,258
Yeah, well,
not the pancake house.
425
00:19:10,292 --> 00:19:12,272
Albright, you wanna
see depressing,
426
00:19:12,337 --> 00:19:14,575
you should see
all the garbage
they have stacked up
427
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,813
along Central Park West.
428
00:19:16,878 --> 00:19:17,995
Were you
in New York recently?
429
00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:19,306
No. No.
430
00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:24,230
Sally was, uh,
just looking at
a travel brochure.
431
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:28,577
Was I a man who dreamed
he was a network executive,
432
00:19:28,642 --> 00:19:33,500
or a network executive
who dreamed he was a man?
433
00:19:33,598 --> 00:19:35,259
Human beings--
434
00:19:35,325 --> 00:19:38,872
That is, we human beings
are so strange.
435
00:19:38,937 --> 00:19:42,389
We blindly go about
our daily activities,
436
00:19:42,454 --> 00:19:45,874
unaware that
if we only made a few
slightly different choices,
437
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:48,080
we'd turn out to be
completely different people.
438
00:19:48,113 --> 00:19:49,295
Yeah.
439
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:53,739
Different, lying,
cheating, weasely,
horrible people!
440
00:19:55,242 --> 00:19:56,968
Did I do something?
441
00:19:57,001 --> 00:19:59,877
Oh, no, babe.
You're perfect
just the way you are.
442
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,092
So are you, Mary.
443
00:20:01,157 --> 00:20:03,522
Well, I'm gonna
go watch TV.
444
00:20:03,587 --> 00:20:06,431
My shows are on.
445
00:20:13,914 --> 00:20:16,054
Closed-Captioned by
JR Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA