1
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,720
"You almost won
a million dollars.
2
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,120
Please try again."
3
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,880
What does it say,
Tommy? I can't look.
4
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,600
Who cares?
5
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,440
Aw, man. Are you still
moping about Alissa?
6
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,640
What am I supposed to do?
She won't even talk to me.
7
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,360
Everything was going
really great right up
until graduation.
8
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,840
I don't even know
what I did wrong.
9
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,360
You gave a commencement
speech that was mostly about
10
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,680
making out with her
on her parent's bed.
11
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,000
No one ever
remembers those speeches.
12
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,320
If it makes you feel
any better,
13
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,160
I don't think you'll ever
do any better than Alissa.
14
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,440
Ohh!
15
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,560
If I could just talk
to her face to face,
16
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,920
we could work it out.
I know it.
17
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,680
You just need an
excuse to go over there.
18
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,640
I know. Um...
19
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,360
Think of something sentimental
that you gave her
20
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,680
and then just
ask for it back. Yeah.
21
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,600
That'll stir up her emotions
and get you in the door.
22
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,880
That is good.
Thank you, Sally.
23
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,120
A beer tap?
24
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,760
Yeah, remember? We rented it
for our senior party
25
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,360
and we forgot
to return it.
26
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,280
I'm out
40 bucks deposit.
27
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,440
I never want
to see you again.
28
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,080
20 bucks of it is yours.
29
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:20,440
Oh.
30
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,680
See? There's
a spark here.
31
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,280
Alissa, honey,
who is it?
32
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:25,360
It's Tommy Solomon, Daddy.
33
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,040
All right. Come in.
34
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,240
Uh, the tap's
up in my room.
I'll go get it.
35
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,280
Hello, Thomas.
36
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,560
Hello, Strudwick.
37
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,280
I thought Alissa had given
you your walking papers.
38
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,520
I'm sorry. My what?
39
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,600
Dumped you. Gave you the boot.
The old heave ho.
40
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,840
Oh, yes.
Yes, she did.
41
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,080
But she's a big girl.
She can change her mind.
42
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,840
She can make
her own decisions.
43
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,720
And who's to say that
she won't make those
decisions with me...
44
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,160
in your Jacuzzi?
45
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,040
You shut your mouth.
46
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,760
Okay! All right.
Bye-bye, Daddy.
47
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,120
Where are
you two going?
48
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,640
What's in
that suitcase?
49
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,280
Those must be
my walking papers.
50
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,200
Dick? Dick?
51
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,720
Is Alissa here?
52
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,320
No, she's not, Strudwick.
53
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,680
Why don't you join her
and not be here together?
54
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,680
Well, she disappeared
three hours ago
55
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,200
with your
ragamuffin son.
56
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,160
Ragamuffin?
57
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,360
Sally, throw him out.
58
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:24,640
Harry, bring me
a dictionary.
59
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,080
All I know is there was
a lot of whispering.
60
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,160
And when they left, Alissa
was carrying a suitcase.
61
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,400
Harry, did Tommy
say anything to you?
62
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,840
Only that he loved Alissa,
needed Alissa,
63
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,600
and would do anything
to get Alissa back.
64
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,280
Yet over ice cream cones,
65
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,480
he spoke highly
of a girl named...Alisha.
66
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,360
You know, Dick,
when Tommy left,
67
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,720
he did say he had a plan
68
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,840
that would bring him
and Alissa back together.
69
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,080
Oh. Young impassioned lovers
sneaking out of the house
70
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,400
on a secret mission
with a suitcase?
71
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,480
I'm stumped.
72
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,000
Sounds to me
like they've eloped.
73
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,760
See, I knew.
That's what I--
74
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,280
This is a catastrophe!
75
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,360
Now, now, Strudwick.
76
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,720
As fathers, we must
bless our children's choices
77
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,200
and let them
follow their hearts.
78
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,640
Dick! Does this mean that
you and beardy-face guy
79
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,200
are gonna be related?
80
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,400
No, not at all,
Harry. I--
81
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,240
Oh, my God.
We've got to stop them!
82
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,440
♪ [theme]
83
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,800
Seat belt on.
84
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,720
Lumbar support in.
85
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,400
Vanity mirror...
86
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:09,560
Where the hell is it?
87
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,320
We're in a fantastic hurry.
88
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,840
We have to wait for Mary.
It's vital.
89
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:13,960
[Mary]
Dick!
90
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,760
Over here, Mary!
Hurry up!
91
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,480
Oh! I got your message.
92
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,560
What's so important about
a Charlie Daniels CD?
93
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,600
Chase music, Mary.
94
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,240
What chase?
What's going on?
95
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,920
There's no time to explain.
We're in a fantastic hurry.
96
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,200
Tommy and Alissa
have eloped somewhere.
97
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,720
Oh, no!
Yes!
98
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,040
They might be at that little
chapel by the state line.
99
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,480
Great idea. Get in.
Chop chop.
100
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,120
Dick, could you move your
seat up just a little bit?
101
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:40,440
I finally got it
how I like it.
102
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,520
Go in through
Strudwick's side.
103
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,040
Hey.
Hi, Tommy.
Hi, Tom.
104
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,680
Tommy, did you elope
with Alissa?
No.
105
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,480
Mm. Goes to show ya.
I knew it.
106
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,640
But we returned
that tap together.
107
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,560
I convinced her to watch
a video with me tonight.
108
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,200
Yes!
109
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,240
I just came home
to change shirts.
Cool.
110
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:07,200
See, I figured out what was
wrong with our relationship.
111
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,720
She wants a man.
112
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,320
She sees me as an
immature doofus, you know.
113
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,840
But...
114
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,080
I ask you this:
115
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,320
Would an immature
doofus rent this?
116
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:23,880
If I Were You, I'd Get Out
Of That House In A Hurry III.
117
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,160
What gives?
118
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,240
What do you mean? We watch
that, she gets really scared,
119
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,240
wants a big, strong man
to protect her.
120
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,920
Yeah!
Ah!
121
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,760
It's all gonna go fine.
I know it is.
122
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,000
Or else I'll just
move to plan B.
123
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,400
What's plan B?
124
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,920
Flowers.
125
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,080
But sometimes even
they don't cheer me up.
126
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,680
Poor Tommy.
He's desperate.
127
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,200
If Alissa isn't scared
into his arms tonight,
128
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,320
he'll spend the rest
of his life heartbroken.
129
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,040
But you know, I'm a little
worried about this plan.
130
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,400
I mean, what if the scary movie
isn't scary enough?
131
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,320
Yeah. The problem
with scary movies is
132
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,480
you know they're not real.
133
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,560
It's a flawed genre.
134
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,800
What if we go over there
135
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,120
and make it real?
136
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,160
They'll be naked by 9:30.
That's right.
137
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,320
Here we are, Strudwick.
Pull over.
138
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,480
All right, Mary. You can
do your business here.
139
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,840
I would have preferred
a rest stop, Dick.
140
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,240
And I want to live on
Big Rock Candy Mountain, Mary.
141
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:23,320
Remember...
142
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,560
I know.
"Fantastic hurry."
143
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,400
I don't blame Alissa.
144
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,240
How could she resist
marrying into the Solomons?
145
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,520
But Tommy
with your daughter?
146
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,160
Is this some kind
of science experiment
that got out of hand?
147
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,080
I always knew that boy
of yours would walk off
148
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,400
with something
from my house.
149
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,480
I figured it'd be something
from my curio cabinet.
150
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,760
If Tommy really
wanted to hurt me,
151
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,760
he could have just
jumped off a bridge.
152
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,480
At least that wouldn't
have hurt me.
153
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,720
What's gotten into them?
154
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,000
Alissa's mother and I didn't
get married until we--
155
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,160
until we had Alissa.
156
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,840
My God, Dick!
I think she's--
157
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,120
Pregnant?
Yes!
158
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,240
Gun it, Vincent!
159
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,760
[tires screech]
160
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,440
Dick? Is there an extra map
in the glove compartment?
161
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,800
Dick?
162
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,920
Dick!
163
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,720
[movie music playing on TV]
164
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,760
Okay, they're
on the couch,
165
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,640
but they're not
sitting very close.
166
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,360
Get over here.
167
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,720
Harry, listen and learn.
168
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,200
First, I got a chain
to drag against the wall.
169
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,000
Then I got a rubber axe.
170
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,840
Then I got tomato juice,
which doubles for blood,
171
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,720
and I got low sodium tomato
juice which doubles for blood
172
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,600
but is better for you.
173
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,840
This isn't scary.
174
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,240
We gotta be subtle.
175
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,640
Subtle?
Yeah!
176
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,720
Did you
ever see Jaws?
177
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,480
Okay. The scary part
was not the shark.
178
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,080
It was the hint
of the shark.
179
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,960
The fin. Oh!
180
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,080
Slicin' through the water.
181
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,240
What, so you got
something planned?
182
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,960
Yes, I do.
183
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,000
Harry, that's adorable,
but you know, as a warrior,
184
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,520
I think I know how to scare.
185
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,080
Well, as someone who's
always scared,
186
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,240
I think you're wrong.
187
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,160
Oh, really?
188
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,160
[screaming from TV]
189
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,160
This movie's pretty scary.
190
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,640
Yeah, yeah.
191
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,360
But notice that
all of the people
192
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,760
that haven't been killed yet
193
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,760
are in committed
relationships
194
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,600
with all their
ups and downs.
195
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,240
[thud]
196
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,120
[thud]
197
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,080
Not so tight.
198
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,600
Being in-laws
was bad enough.
199
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,120
But my blood
intermingling with yours
200
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,680
in the veins
of this spawn?
201
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:10,840
It's unholy.
202
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:11,840
Go faster, Dick.
203
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,640
I only want to jump out
of this car once.
204
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,600
Oh, no. No sweet embrace
of death for you, Vincent.
205
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,520
Like it or not, we're gonna
be grandparents together.
206
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,200
Well, if that's the case,
I wanna be called "Pop-pop".
207
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,000
I wanted "Pop-pop."
208
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,360
You snooze, you lose, Dick.
"Pop-pop." That's me.
209
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,160
That's not fair.
210
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,400
Take "Gramps" or "Gee-Gaw."
211
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,280
"Gee-Gaw?"
[stammering]
212
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:32,800
You just made that up!
213
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,680
Mary, have you
ever heard of "Gee--"
214
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,600
Mary?
215
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,240
Was she with us when
we got that pecan roll?
216
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,720
No, I don't think so.
217
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,400
Good God, Dick! We left
her at Mile Marker 20!
218
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,360
[groans] She should have
said something.
219
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,960
She's unstable.
220
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,880
Has been ever since
she took up with you.
221
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,280
You Solomons. You specialize
in destroying women.
222
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,920
It's the talk of the town.
"It's the talk of the town."
223
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,920
I hate your voice,
I hate your face,
224
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,520
I hate your glasses, I hate
the men who made your glasses,
225
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,840
I hate--
Look out
for that deer!
226
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,040
Look out for what, honey?
227
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,040
[thud]
228
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,160
There were two treasures
in my life, Dick.
229
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,520
The first was my daughter.
230
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,880
The second was
my economy sedan.
231
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,680
You've taken them both.
232
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,360
You're no saint, Strudwick.
233
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,080
You're the one who made us
wear these stupid t-shirts.
234
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,960
Our old shirts were covered
in deer blood and broken glass.
235
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,080
Oh...
236
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,520
Call the fashion police.
237
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:40,760
You know, it's funny.
238
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,080
I used to bring these
creamers home to Alissa.
239
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,840
She'd have little tea parties
with her stuffed animals.
240
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,560
They grow up quick,
don't they?
241
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,240
Yeah.
242
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,520
I can remember
when Tommy
243
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,240
didn't even know how to
wipe his own butt.
244
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,200
Then he figured it out
all on his own...
245
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,960
and taught me.
246
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,760
You're right,
Strudwick.
247
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,000
They do grow up
too fast.
248
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,520
This one's on you.
Dick--
249
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,920
No, no, no. I insist.
250
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,880
Dick, I don't have
any cash.
251
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:14,960
I paid for the motel.
252
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,640
There's only $20
in Mary's purse,
253
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,560
and you made me spend
that on the t-shirts.
254
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:19,960
There's only one
thing to do, Dick.
255
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,240
Dine and dash.
Timing is everything.
256
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:23,640
Wait for my signal.
257
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,800
They're onto us.
Relax.
258
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,680
Anything else?
Now!
259
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,960
[sighs]
260
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,520
We did it your way.
261
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,560
And you know who
got terrified? Me.
262
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,760
Tommy and Alissa are
farther apart than ever.
263
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,760
What could I say? I was
hoping you'd bleed more.
264
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,800
Now we're gonna
try it my way.
265
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,080
Birdseed?
That's not scary.
266
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,240
Plus, you'll attract every
bird in the neighborhood.
267
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,840
Exactly. We'll feed 'em
a lot at first.
268
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,520
But then bit by bit,
we'll pull back.
269
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,880
First we'll
get 'em hooked,
270
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,760
and then we'll
get 'em pissed.
271
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:16,440
Yeah, and then slowly
we'll start to replace
the seed with human flesh.
272
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,360
That is not bad.
273
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,560
All right. How soon
do you think they'll come?
274
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,520
Maybe tonight.
275
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,160
Maybe six months.
276
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,080
Maybe never.
277
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,040
But they'll come.
278
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,920
As God as my witness,
they'll come.
279
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,720
Yeah, that's a great idea.
You know what?
280
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,280
While we're waiting
for your birds,
281
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,600
I hope you don't mind
if I get a jump on
my next scare tactic.
282
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,760
Go right ahead.
283
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:45,680
Why are you
putting that on me?
284
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,960
Well, I don't want to light
my head on fire.
285
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,800
Alissa?
286
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,440
Does your streetlight
sometimes look
287
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,120
like a flaming,
disembodied head?
288
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,640
Oh, Tommy. I've missed
your sense of humor.
289
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,080
You know, I went out
with some other boys
after we broke up,
290
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,920
but don't be mad.
291
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,800
It could be swamp gas.
Are we near a swamp?
292
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,200
But nobody
was like you.
293
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,200
I've decided
to forgive you.
294
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,920
[knock on door]
295
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,240
I'm a guest.
You should get that.
296
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,160
Officer Don.
297
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,720
Hello, Alissa. Tommy.
298
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,800
I'm here on
official business.
299
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:24,920
Alissa...
300
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,160
we found your father's car
on the interstate,
301
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,760
crashed and covered
with blood.
302
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:29,800
Oh, my God!
303
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,480
Do you mind?
I'm not done yet.
304
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,560
In addition, we found a dead
deer not far from the car.
305
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,480
This is horrible.
So my dad hit a deer?
306
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,040
Slow down, Nancy Drew.
307
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,960
That's one explanation.
308
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:48,400
Another is a tri-county
murder spree with your
dad at the center.
309
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,120
What does that have
to do with a dead deer?
310
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,400
Even a deer
can be a witness.
311
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,600
Maybe it saw something
and paid the price.
312
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,680
[police radio chatter,
indistinct]
313
00:13:58,720 --> 00:13:59,800
Orville. Go.
314
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,600
[radio chatter,
indistinct]
315
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:06,200
10-4. Your father was
spotted checking into a motel
316
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:11,480
with a psycho wearing a tight
t-shirt and carrying a purse.
317
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,080
So my dad's okay?
He's alive?
318
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:18,160
Yes. But my cop nose tells me
that there's an ugliness
319
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,040
spreading throughout
this town.
320
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,360
No one is safe.
321
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,400
See ya.
322
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,440
Oh, Tommy.
I'm so scared.
323
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,960
Yeah, you should be.
324
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,920
[phone rings]
325
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,280
Hello?
326
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,360
Solomon! Strudwick!
[truck approaching]
327
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,000
I'm gonna kill you!
[truck honks horn]
328
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,840
I think that's the person
that's gonna kill us.
329
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,000
Dick, my toothbrush
is wet.
330
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,160
Did you brush
your teeth with it?
331
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:59,560
No, I did not...brush my
teeth...with your toothbrush.
332
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,240
Well, let's try
and get some sleep.
333
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,040
I never want to think
about this day again.
334
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,040
Which part don't you
want to think about most?
335
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,920
Our abandonment of Mary?
336
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,560
Our collision
with that deer?
337
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:14,520
Or your coming epiphany
that I'm a nocturnal spooner?
338
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,480
'Cause it's all
too much for me.
339
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,600
I can't take it any more.
340
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,400
Dick, stop thinking
about yourself.
341
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,760
Try thinking
about our kids.
342
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:21,960
They've got no
education,
343
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,920
no jobs,
no homes to live in.
344
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,280
You're right.
They have nothing.
345
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,840
They're screwed.
346
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,040
Our only choice is
to write them off.
347
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,120
It's not that simple.
There's going to be a baby.
348
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,880
A baby.
349
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,280
So pure.
350
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,760
So small.
351
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,680
So not-so-screwed-up yet.
352
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,760
It's a lot of work.
It takes a village, you know.
353
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,240
Yeah, but don't you see?
354
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,480
We have a shot
with a grandkid.
355
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,480
It's the next generation.
356
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:48,760
Nature's do-over.
357
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,360
I don't know.
358
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,720
Just picture it.
359
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,800
That first magical moment.
360
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,000
You're holding your perfect
grandchild in your arms.
361
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,040
He looks into your eyes,
362
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,240
reaches up with
his tiny fingers,
363
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,680
touches your
grizzly red stubble...
364
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,640
and says,
"I wuv you Pop-pop."
365
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,480
We can make this work.
366
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,200
I propose a toast.
All right.
367
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,440
To our grandchild.
To our grandchild.
368
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:25,200
May he or she inherit
the best from both grandfathers.
369
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,640
All right, dirtbags!
370
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,320
You're gonna get
what's coming to you!
371
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,520
Don't shoot!
372
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,080
We're gonna have a baby!
373
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,520
Thanks for stopping.
374
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,080
[Man] You got enough
room back there?
375
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,440
Yeah, whatever.
376
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,800
At least your
night is over.
377
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,400
Still not naked.
378
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,600
Nothing's working.
379
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,560
Hey, what if I do
an eerie dance of death?
380
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,160
No, it's too artsy.
381
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,000
I still say we stick
with the classics, okay?
382
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,680
We have three options left.
383
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,920
We can re-animate
a dead person,
384
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,480
pop out of Alissa's stomach,
385
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,080
or go in after them
with a power tool.
386
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:23,640
Let's meet
half way, okay?
387
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,960
'Cause I'm doing
the dance of death.
388
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,520
No, it's not scary!
389
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,400
But... I'll do it
with a power tool.
390
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,360
What is it?
391
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:37,840
I don't know.
392
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,880
[trimmer whirring]
393
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,040
Tommy, I'm really scared.
394
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,280
In these movies, the maniac's
always after the girl.
395
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,040
It's true.
396
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,920
He is always
after the girl.
397
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:02,960
Here's the girl!
398
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,440
Let's work
together!
399
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,520
Harry!
You were terrific!
400
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,080
We did it!
They're hugging!
401
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,480
Actually, he's being
a little rough.
402
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,320
But I guess
that's Tommy's style.
403
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,920
So you swear to me you
never saw that deer before?
404
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,960
No.
405
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,720
I'm keeping
the case open.
406
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,920
There's our honeymooners.
407
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Can't keep their hands
off each other.
408
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,440
Thank God you're here!
409
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:31,720
Tommy, I know I've shown
you nothing but contempt,
410
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,000
but I love you.
Welcome to the family.
411
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,200
[Tommy]
There's something
out there!
412
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,960
I want to feel
the baby kick.
The what?
413
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,720
She's not pregnant!
414
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,000
But there's
something evil outside!
415
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,960
Not pregnant? No!
416
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,280
Vincent, are you
as devastated as I am?
417
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,520
Frankly, Dick,
I'm kind of relieved.
418
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,080
I'm telling you
we're not safe!
419
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,160
Are you abandoning me?
We were in this together.
420
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240
We were in bed.
I was vulnerable.
421
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,400
Screw you, Pop-pop!
In your eye, Gee-gaw!
422
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,400
Will you people shut up?
We're in horrible danger!
423
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,040
What's all
the commotion,
everybody?
424
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,040
Anybody need
any help?
Did you guys see?
425
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,040
There's something
out there.
It's terrifying.
426
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,240
Which part of the terror
did you find most romantic?
427
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,400
Romantic? He tried to
sacrifice me to the creature.
428
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,000
She called us
"The Creature."
429
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,840
Our work is done.
430
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,360
Look, it's been a long
night of dashed dreams
and close calls.
431
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,160
The important thing is that
we're all safe and sound.
432
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,720
And no one
has been harmed.
433
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,160
Why did you leave me!
434
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,240
[all screaming]
435
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,360
It's her!
It's the creature!
436
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,480
[all screaming]
437
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,040
I'll be damned
if Strudwick becomes
a grandfather before I do.
438
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,080
Oh, Tommy! Look!
439
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,840
There's one waiting
for the bus.
440
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,040
She's the perfect mate.
441
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,480
Hey, you!
Bus girl!
442
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,480
What is the attraction
about being
a grandfather anyway?
443
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:52,520
Grandchildren are vessels
of youth, optimism, and hope.
444
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,520
And the wonderful thing is
445
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,880
by the time they
screw up their lives,
446
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,560
your either dead
or completely out if it.
447
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,440
People don't
say that enough.
448
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,520
Tommy, look!
There's another prospect!
449
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,000
That's Dubczek.
450
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,480
Oh. Man, she fools
you from behind.
451
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,320
Closed-Captioned by
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA