1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,472
She thinks she is all that,
but she is not all that.
2
00:00:07,473 --> 00:00:12,477
Oh, no, girlfriend, do not
go there. Do not go there!
3
00:00:12,478 --> 00:00:15,146
Oh, damn!
She went there.
4
00:00:16,915 --> 00:00:19,684
Well, I better get
back to the station.
5
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:20,951
Time to go on duty?
6
00:00:20,952 --> 00:00:24,322
No. I'm on duty.
It's time to punch out.
7
00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:26,758
Well, I'll see you
Thursday, Tommy, at career day.
8
00:00:26,759 --> 00:00:27,893
Career day?
9
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,328
What career day?
I've heard nothing of this.
10
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:33,265
It's nothing, Dick.
It's just a bunch of bores
11
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,333
blabbing on
about what they do.
12
00:00:35,334 --> 00:00:36,834
You wouldn't
be interested.
13
00:00:36,835 --> 00:00:40,705
Wait. Dick not interested
in talking about himself?
14
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,941
I know! That's insane.
15
00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:45,777
Oh, don't be silly, Tommy.
16
00:00:45,778 --> 00:00:47,545
Once your classmates
hear me speak,
17
00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:49,547
you'll be the toast
of the school.
18
00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:50,915
Are you kidding,
Dick?
19
00:00:50,916 --> 00:00:52,416
You're a physics
professor.
20
00:00:52,417 --> 00:00:55,353
I mean, that's almost as dorky as...
21
00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:00,592
I got nothing.
22
00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:02,160
I'm stumped.
23
00:01:02,161 --> 00:01:03,528
This is outrageous!
24
00:01:03,529 --> 00:01:05,163
I'm wise. I'm revered.
25
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:08,366
And I work damn hard! Who do
you think puts food on the table?
26
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,433
I put it there.
27
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:10,769
I'm going with
America's farmers.
28
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,137
There's food
on the table?
29
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,605
Oh, now, stop it.
30
00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:15,340
If you people
think it's so easy,
31
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:18,343
why don't you get a job
and work for a change?
32
00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,378
I'm glad that was a
question and not an order.
33
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:21,979
Dick: it's an order!
34
00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:24,315
Well, I'm glad it's an order
and not a direct order.
35
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:26,350
Dick:
it's a direct order!
36
00:01:26,351 --> 00:01:27,919
I'm glad it's
a direct order--
37
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,588
Dick: go get the want ads!
38
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:09,828
Hey, guys.
39
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:10,695
Is Dick here?
40
00:02:10,696 --> 00:02:11,696
No.
41
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,164
I wanted to talk to him.
42
00:02:13,165 --> 00:02:14,099
Why?
43
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:14,966
Well, I'm looking for work.
44
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,100
There were some sweet gigs
45
00:02:16,101 --> 00:02:18,035
on the Pendleton
research board,
46
00:02:18,036 --> 00:02:19,671
but I don't know
which one to do, like here.
47
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:20,872
I can get 50 bucks
48
00:02:20,873 --> 00:02:23,275
if I let them rub solvents
in my eyes.
49
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,846
Oh, Sally,
that--That's not good.
50
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,748
Really? Well,
I could sign up
51
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:30,749
for the hornet sting
study,
52
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,450
but I didn't bring
a swimsuit.
53
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:36,354
Dr. Albright is looking
for a research assistant.
54
00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:37,522
Really?!
55
00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:39,057
Uh...
56
00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:41,426
yes, but it's
just grunt work.
57
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,928
I mean, it doesn't pay
hornet study money.
58
00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:45,730
Oh, that's Ok.
What do I have to do?
59
00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:48,366
Uh, well, I'm giving
a talk next week
60
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,601
at the faculty club.
61
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,569
Some Bolivian professors
will be there,
62
00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:53,237
and I'm going to be
discussing the culture
63
00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:54,973
of the Aymara Indians.
64
00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:56,207
And I'm your date?
65
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,244
No. You're my fact checker.
66
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:01,246
You just go to the library
67
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,648
and make sure all
my information is accurate.
68
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,550
Hmm, I would've gone
with the hornets.
69
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:06,985
Good morning, Mary.
70
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:07,986
Good morning.
71
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,887
Sally, what are you
doing here?
72
00:03:09,888 --> 00:03:11,923
Oh, I'm doing some
anthropology stuff for Albright.
73
00:03:11,924 --> 00:03:13,191
You're what?!
74
00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:14,592
See ya, boss.
75
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,428
Well, that's just great!
76
00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,996
You never show
any interest in physics!
77
00:03:18,997 --> 00:03:21,999
Well, Dick, there's
good reason for that.
78
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,802
It's physics.
79
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,404
Like anthropology
is so hot?
80
00:03:26,405 --> 00:03:28,206
I mean, sure,
there's naked people,
81
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,009
but...once
you get past that,
82
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,077
it's really just...
83
00:03:33,078 --> 00:03:34,312
what?
84
00:03:34,313 --> 00:03:37,282
I don't know. I can't
get past the naked people.
85
00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:49,527
You know how they say
if you really want a job,
86
00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:52,363
it'll just fall
right in your lap?
87
00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:53,731
Uh, no.
88
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:59,337
And how desperation is
the surest road to success.
89
00:03:59,338 --> 00:04:01,539
I never heard that.
90
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:04,242
Why do they say
those things? Why?
91
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:06,978
I'm not sure they do.
92
00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:08,947
I fell for the lies.
93
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,449
Pounded the pavement,
and now here I am.
94
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:14,452
There are no jobs
for guys like me.
95
00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:17,388
You know, I've been looking for
a new bartender for a while now.
96
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:22,126
Do you mind, buddy? We're
talking about my problems now.
97
00:04:22,127 --> 00:04:25,363
I'm saying I need
somebody to start today.
98
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:29,167
Uh, yeah. Well, I guess
you're out of luck.
99
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,935
Why, what do you
got going on?
100
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:33,738
I'm looking for a job,
brainiac!
101
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,976
Morning, class, I'm...
102
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:38,977
sorry I'm...
103
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,178
so late.
104
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,480
A funny thing
happened today.
105
00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:44,982
I learned that there is
a, uh, A...
106
00:04:44,983 --> 00:04:46,517
small group of people
107
00:04:46,518 --> 00:04:50,422
that doesn't find physics
absolutely exhilarating.
108
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,925
Isn't that hilarious?
109
00:04:58,630 --> 00:04:59,597
Exactly.
110
00:04:59,598 --> 00:05:01,032
So I was wondering,
111
00:05:01,033 --> 00:05:02,967
what drove you to take it?
112
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,536
Well, uh, it's required.
113
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,237
And we want
to graduate.
114
00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:09,541
So that's all that brings you
back to my class, a requirement?
115
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,510
Not one of you yearns
for a career in physics?
116
00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:18,282
Not one soul longs to make
physics his lifework?
117
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,553
Not one among you
aspires to place physics--
118
00:05:22,554 --> 00:05:23,955
Dr. Solomon.
119
00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:27,225
Leon, please,
tell me you have to pee.
120
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:32,797
Guess what.
121
00:05:32,798 --> 00:05:33,798
What?
122
00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:36,100
I found a mistake
in your speech.
123
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:40,137
Oh. Ok.
Let's hear it.
124
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:44,041
Ok. This is
so great. Ok.
125
00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:45,543
Here on page 2,
126
00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:48,780
you say there aren't any aymaran
communities on the high plains,
127
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:51,215
but dirkson's survey
says there are.
128
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:52,550
No, there aren't.
129
00:05:52,551 --> 00:05:54,018
Yeah, but Dirkson
says there are.
130
00:05:56,455 --> 00:05:58,456
All right. Maybe
there's one or two,
131
00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:00,358
but my point still stands.
132
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,626
No. Ok,
but Dirkson says--
133
00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,528
forget Dirkson!
134
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,531
Just go back there
and concentrate on--
135
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:10,968
on place names and
spellings and things like that.
136
00:06:10,969 --> 00:06:12,504
Ok?
137
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,976
Man, who died
and made her Dirkson?
138
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,411
Look, Sally, if you're
gonna work for Dr. Albright,
139
00:06:20,412 --> 00:06:22,980
there are a couple of
things you need to understand.
140
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:26,383
One: she doesn't like to be
corrected when she's wrong.
141
00:06:26,384 --> 00:06:29,220
And two:
she's often wrong.
142
00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:31,022
Wait, wait.
So I shouldn't tell her
143
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:34,292
her breath smells like
a sock full of horseradish?
144
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:35,593
I didn't.
145
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,999
But, hey,
that's my boss.
146
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,001
I just can't
please him.
147
00:06:44,002 --> 00:06:47,171
Well, what are you
gonna do?
148
00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:49,574
Exactly.
I just can't win.
149
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,076
Well, what are you
gonna do?
150
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:54,846
You said it.
151
00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:56,980
You know, I got a family
to think about.
152
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:59,049
What are you gonna do?
153
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:00,751
Hey, you know
you're right.
154
00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:02,252
Tomorrow, I'm
going down there,
155
00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:04,755
and I'm gonna tell him
what he can do with his job.
156
00:07:04,756 --> 00:07:06,690
Harry, thanks
for listening.
157
00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:09,560
Hey, what am I
gonna do?
158
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:11,396
Harry,
I need a drink.
159
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,630
You and everyone else.
160
00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:15,265
I got the whole town
of Rutherford drinking again.
161
00:07:15,266 --> 00:07:16,400
Harry!
162
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:18,436
All right!
163
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:19,704
What is wrong
with this world?
164
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:22,773
You dole out moonshine
to a roomful of boozehounds
165
00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:24,208
and everybody loves you,
166
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:28,212
while I shape young minds
with the elegant laws of physics,
167
00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:30,081
and what do I get?
Nothing.
168
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,449
Here's the deal, Dick.
169
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:34,485
Around here, a guy can't
even give peach schnapps away.
170
00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:38,990
But you put it in a pineapple
glass, add a little umbrella,
171
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:42,160
call it a shooter, I
can't make 'em fast enough.
172
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:45,229
Harry, that's brilliant!
173
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,932
You're saying I gotta give
physics a little razzle-dazzle,
174
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,000
right?
175
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,268
Ok.
176
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:53,004
Of course! This
is the nineties.
177
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:56,040
Kids want what's cool. They
want the latest, the here and now.
178
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,541
They want the Fonz!
179
00:07:57,542 --> 00:07:59,777
Ayyy!
180
00:07:59,778 --> 00:08:01,145
What are you gonna do?
181
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,281
I'm going to career day!
182
00:08:04,282 --> 00:08:07,618
All right!
You do that!
183
00:08:07,619 --> 00:08:09,187
What an idiot.
184
00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:13,824
Harry, did some joker
put my number up
185
00:08:13,825 --> 00:08:15,793
on the men's room wall?
186
00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:17,528
Ooh, I don't think so.
187
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:21,165
Well, be a doll and put
it up there, will ya...
188
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:23,801
before that big guy with
the beard takes a leak?
189
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:28,806
Hi. Am I interrupting?
190
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:30,474
No. Come in.
191
00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:33,211
What's wrong?
Find another mistake?
192
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,479
No. Nothing.
193
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,713
Really?
194
00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:37,982
Really. I went through
it with a fine-tooth comb.
195
00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:39,484
This baby is gold.
196
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:41,018
Great.
197
00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:42,987
What about the population of circuata?
198
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:44,655
I was just
guessing on it.
199
00:08:44,656 --> 00:08:45,890
That was a guess?
200
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,258
You nailed it!
201
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:52,096
Well, I've always been
pretty good with trends
202
00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,831
in that part
of the hemisphere.
203
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,799
Listen,
I gotta tell you,
204
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,202
after reading Dirkson,
your stuff was refreshing.
205
00:08:58,203 --> 00:09:02,940
But substantial, like, uh,
Gatorade, but with meat in it.
206
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:06,844
Sally, let me
buy you lunch.
207
00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:08,579
We can go
to the oak room.
208
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:09,781
The oak room?
209
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,449
You deserve a treat.
210
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,217
Well, I spent the day
with your speech.
211
00:09:13,218 --> 00:09:15,319
I think I've had my treat.
212
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:18,956
Dear god!
213
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,460
They have
chocolate cheesecake.
214
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:25,630
Of course, I should probably
just apply it directly to my thighs.
215
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,965
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
216
00:09:27,966 --> 00:09:29,399
That's, oh, so funny!
217
00:09:33,905 --> 00:09:35,907
Oh, yeah. All right.
218
00:09:37,976 --> 00:09:41,112
Step right up, kids, and
meet the girls of physics.
219
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:44,882
Each and every one of them
a bundle of mass and energy.
220
00:09:44,883 --> 00:09:47,084
Are you really a licensed bikini inspector?
221
00:09:47,085 --> 00:09:50,488
Uh, kind of. I'm a physics
professor, you understand?
222
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:52,990
Now, friends, let me tell you
about a little thing called physics.
223
00:09:52,991 --> 00:09:55,693
You know what makes a car
go fast? Physics.
224
00:09:55,694 --> 00:09:58,395
And you know what makes a
curve ball curve? Why, physics!
225
00:09:58,396 --> 00:10:00,464
And you know
what's got me standing here
226
00:10:00,465 --> 00:10:02,466
instead of floating out the
window like a puff of smoke?
227
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:03,968
Inertia,
with a capital "I."
228
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:06,004
That rhymes with pi,
and that starts with "p,"
229
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,705
and that stands for physics.
230
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:13,044
Your father is an insult
to this entire school.
231
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:15,379
I don't see
your dad here.
232
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,449
Uh, my dad is performing
open-Heart surgery right now.
233
00:10:19,684 --> 00:10:22,486
Oh, couldn't cut it
as a brain surgeon?
234
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:26,924
Now, let me tell you about
something that's really hot.
235
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:30,027
Inasmuch as "e" equals
cosine "m" plus "I" sine "m,"
236
00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:32,529
we get arbitrary values
of the separation constant "P."
237
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,931
Now, watch this.
238
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,999
I'm sorry I'm late, kids,
239
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,604
but I was involved in one of the
world's scariest police chases.
240
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:40,805
How'd it end?
241
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:41,906
The guy got away.
242
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,074
Ohhh!
243
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,276
But I rolled my car.
244
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:47,011
Cool!
Cool!
245
00:10:47,012 --> 00:10:49,080
Oh, man,
I want to be a cop.
246
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,083
It's not all glamour, kids,
but it's mostly glamour.
247
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,618
Oh, and, uh, guns.
248
00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:56,387
Cool!
Cool!
249
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:59,223
And what makes that
policeman's gun so cool? Physics!
250
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,592
Kinetic energy
generates the velocity
251
00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:03,026
with which the bullet
exits the barrel,
252
00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:05,530
while the ballistic
coefficient and sectional density
253
00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,432
determine the damage
to its targets.
254
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,934
Guns don't kill people.
Physics kills people!
255
00:11:12,237 --> 00:11:15,440
Oohhh. Ohh!
256
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:26,150
[Snaps fingers]
257
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,687
Tony!
258
00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:45,103
Dick, I told you, you
shouldn't have come to career day.
259
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:47,905
Oh, when we first came to this
planet, I could've gotten any job.
260
00:11:47,906 --> 00:11:51,108
Cowboy, rock star,
international superspy.
261
00:11:51,109 --> 00:11:53,377
Why did I choose physics?
262
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,846
Dick, you know
what they say.
263
00:11:55,847 --> 00:11:58,315
When life
gives you lemons,
264
00:11:58,316 --> 00:12:00,885
just shut up and
eat the damn lemons.
265
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,386
Well, I've had it.
266
00:12:02,387 --> 00:12:05,389
I renounce physics and
all its uses and applications,
267
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:07,391
including conservation
of momentum.
268
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:08,392
Whoo hoo hoo.
269
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:09,927
I'm out. I'm out.
270
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:10,694
Hey, guys.
271
00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:11,963
Hey.
Yo, dubie.
272
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,531
Give me a margarita,
Harry.
273
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:14,765
What about
your job?
274
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:16,700
I'm on the job right
now, baby. Rocks, no salt.
275
00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:19,036
Are you telling me that Mary's
presentation is already perfect?
276
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:21,806
Well, she thinks it is, and I'm
getting paid not to argue. Ka-Ching!
277
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:22,873
[Ding]
278
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,341
You got lucky,
damn you.
279
00:12:24,342 --> 00:12:26,444
I'll tell you the secret.
You just pucker up,
280
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:29,980
vapor-lock onto your
boss' butt, and hold on.
281
00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:32,783
No independent thought
required.
282
00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:35,285
In fact, it
just gets in your way.
283
00:12:35,286 --> 00:12:37,788
Free thinkers die in
the dirt like dogs, Sally.
284
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,223
Here's your booze.
285
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:40,390
Sally.
286
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:42,459
Dubie, my hollow-legged
lady friend.
287
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:45,963
One-eyed jimmy's gonna go
out back and fight a midget.
288
00:12:45,964 --> 00:12:47,364
You wanna watch?
289
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,865
Yeah. Let's go.
290
00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:50,234
Citizens.
291
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:52,769
Ah, what'll it be,
officer?
292
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:55,372
Oh, I'm just in the
neighborhood checking things out.
293
00:12:55,373 --> 00:12:57,407
You got it.
One free cheeseburger.
294
00:12:57,408 --> 00:12:58,876
Don't be stingy
with the onions.
295
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:00,711
Harry, I'd like
a free cheeseburger.
296
00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:01,878
You got it.
That'll be 6 bucks.
297
00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:04,548
Oh! That's it!
I want a new job!
298
00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:07,485
A job that comes with respect,
stature, and free cheeseburgers.
299
00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:09,086
I want your job.
300
00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:11,322
Dick, you don't know the
first thing about being a cop.
301
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:15,325
It's a gritty job where a good day
is one where you come home alive.
302
00:13:15,326 --> 00:13:18,196
Isn't that pretty much
a good day for anyone?
303
00:13:19,597 --> 00:13:21,832
[Police radio chatter]
304
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:23,834
I gotta go back
to the station.
305
00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:25,202
They're bringing in
a suspect.
306
00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:26,737
Hey, Don,
I want to go.
307
00:13:26,738 --> 00:13:28,905
I want to hold a gun
and flash a badge.
308
00:13:28,906 --> 00:13:31,209
I don't know, Dick. It's
illegal, it's dangerous,
309
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:34,278
and it violates the sacred oath
I took when I joined the force.
310
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:36,113
So don't tell anyone.
311
00:13:36,114 --> 00:13:37,347
Let's go!
312
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,619
All right, Dick.
We're gonna go in there.
313
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,888
We're gonna do a little
thing we like to call
314
00:13:44,889 --> 00:13:46,356
"good cop, bad cop."
315
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:47,758
You're good cop.
316
00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,059
I'm down with that.
317
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,128
I'm glad. All right,
here we go.
318
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:58,135
Hi, Jonesy, I'm Dick.
I like your shirt.
319
00:13:59,737 --> 00:14:03,240
So, you say that you
didn't rob any gas station.
320
00:14:03,241 --> 00:14:05,542
Right, Jonesy?
Yeah.
321
00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:06,877
Right. Now, I--
322
00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:09,080
I believe you, but...
323
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,647
the thing is...
324
00:14:10,648 --> 00:14:11,648
you're scum!
325
00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:13,584
I find chunks of you
in my puke!
326
00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:15,419
So don't you
jerk me around!
327
00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:16,420
Dick!
328
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:18,122
We'll be right back.
329
00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:22,192
You're supposed
to be good cop.
330
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:23,193
I am!
331
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:24,528
You're raising
the bar too high.
332
00:14:24,529 --> 00:14:26,030
You know how bad
I have to be now?
333
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,264
Real bad!
334
00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:28,933
I couldn't help myself.
335
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,434
Why don't you be good cop?
336
00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,703
That way, I can
go as big as I want.
337
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:36,373
Ok, I'll
be good cop.
338
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:41,745
Oh, well, you'll have to,
uh, excuse my partner.
339
00:14:41,746 --> 00:14:43,947
He's got
a real mean streak,
340
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:46,783
but...I want
to help you out.
341
00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:49,286
See, I know
that you're a nice--
342
00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:50,187
oh!
343
00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:52,822
We'll be right back.
344
00:14:52,823 --> 00:14:54,691
What's the matter
with you?
345
00:14:54,692 --> 00:14:55,959
I'm always good cop.
346
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,961
This was my one chance
to be bad cop.
347
00:14:57,962 --> 00:14:59,396
But I'm
a bad good cop.
348
00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:00,631
You're
not even a cop!
349
00:15:00,632 --> 00:15:02,733
Well, can't we
both be bad cop?
350
00:15:02,734 --> 00:15:04,568
But the whole
concept is--
351
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:05,669
oh, whatever.
352
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,773
Now I want answers!
353
00:15:09,774 --> 00:15:11,942
And I really
want answers!
354
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:18,816
Thank you for inviting me to your conference.
355
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:20,918
How do I look?
356
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:22,687
You look fine.
357
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:24,988
I love Bolivian men.
358
00:15:24,989 --> 00:15:28,526
They're like Hondurans
without all the attitude.
359
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,760
Good afternoon, ladies.
360
00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,262
Oh, Dr. Albright,
361
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,763
what a great suit!
362
00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:35,099
Well, thank you,
Sally.
363
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:39,136
Sally, you smell
like jagermeister.
364
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:42,973
Somebody spilled it on me
in the library.
365
00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:45,776
Well, once again,
I was completely unnecessary.
366
00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:46,944
If I didn't know any better,
367
00:15:46,945 --> 00:15:48,979
I'd swear you were a moron.
368
00:15:52,116 --> 00:15:53,283
Aymaran.
369
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:54,051
Aymaran.
370
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,292
Come on.
We're your friends.
371
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,993
You did it, right?
372
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,730
No.
373
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:06,597
Come on.
374
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,933
You can tell us.
375
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,968
No.
I didn't do it.
376
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,776
Well, so much for
good cop, good cop.
377
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:19,910
There's no such thing!
378
00:16:19,911 --> 00:16:22,012
I told you, there's only
one permutation that works.
379
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:23,981
Ok.
I have this idea.
380
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,849
Sad cop, somewhat
effeminate cop.
381
00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:26,850
Get out!
382
00:16:26,851 --> 00:16:28,085
Go home, Dick.
383
00:16:28,086 --> 00:16:29,753
You are not
cop material.
384
00:16:29,754 --> 00:16:30,821
I have to be!
385
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:32,089
It's not you.
It's just not you.
386
00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:33,591
You're right.
387
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:35,559
Apparently, I was
put on this earth
388
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,929
to bore a bunch of unreceptive
dimwits to the end of my days.
389
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:40,598
It's my lot in life.
390
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:43,900
Well, I think we both learned
something today. Let's have lunch sometime.
391
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:46,270
Look.
392
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,871
Why don't you
just let me go?
393
00:16:47,872 --> 00:16:49,739
Because I know
you did it, Jonesy!
394
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,775
You jumped the fence,
and you stole the money.
395
00:16:51,776 --> 00:16:53,277
But you
got no proof.
396
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:56,613
Besides, I couldn't
jump that fence.
397
00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:58,582
It's physically
impossible.
398
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,219
Physically impossible?
399
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,721
That's where you're wrong.
400
00:17:04,722 --> 00:17:07,023
You may not have much respect
for the law, Jonesy,
401
00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:08,792
but there's one law
that you can't break:
402
00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:13,129
coulomb's third law
of universal gravitation.
403
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,397
What?
404
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:16,299
It states that the force
between 2 objects
405
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,302
is proportional to the algebraic
products of their respective charges,
406
00:17:19,303 --> 00:17:21,805
as well as proportional
to the inverse square
407
00:17:21,806 --> 00:17:24,341
of the distance
between them!
408
00:17:24,342 --> 00:17:27,811
But of course, you knew that,
didn't you, Jonesy?
409
00:17:27,812 --> 00:17:29,412
Not--not all of it.
410
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,582
You're object "x,"
411
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,885
and the fence
is object "Y."
412
00:17:34,886 --> 00:17:36,820
Now, where "v" is
the velocity of the 2 objects,
413
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:38,822
and "r" is the distance
between them,
414
00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:41,825
and "e" is a unit vector directed
from the first object to the second,
415
00:17:41,826 --> 00:17:44,561
we see that the fence
proved little challenge.
416
00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:46,763
Well...I guess.
417
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:48,765
You guess!
I bet you guess.
418
00:17:48,766 --> 00:17:51,268
And so we see
that "x" equals zero
419
00:17:51,269 --> 00:17:53,770
as "y" approaches infinity!
420
00:17:53,771 --> 00:17:55,606
That's how you avoided
the security camera.
421
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,941
That's how you managed
to get back over the fence.
422
00:17:57,942 --> 00:18:00,877
That's how they found you
exactly 1.3 miles from the crime scene,
423
00:18:00,878 --> 00:18:02,012
proving that you
and only you
424
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,880
could have perpetrated
this heinous crime!
425
00:18:03,881 --> 00:18:05,249
There's the proof!
426
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,217
Ok! Ok! Ok!
You got me!
427
00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:09,553
I did it!
I did it!
428
00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:11,555
My god! What kind
of a cop are you?
429
00:18:11,556 --> 00:18:13,223
I'm not a cop!
430
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:16,226
I'm a physics professor!
431
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,234
Of course, my dad
didn't say anything.
432
00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:25,636
He never did.
433
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:29,106
And how did that
make you feel, Chet?
434
00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,541
Angry.
435
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,443
Worthless.
436
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:37,047
Oh. But you know that's not
true, now, don't you, Chet?
437
00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:38,315
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
438
00:18:38,316 --> 00:18:39,783
All right!
439
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:40,684
[Sighs] Well...
440
00:18:40,685 --> 00:18:41,685
[Ding]
441
00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:43,787
Happy hour's over, Chet.
442
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:45,655
But I think we made
some real progress.
443
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:46,990
I feel better.
444
00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:48,759
Yeah.
And just remember...
445
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,260
don't stop drinking.
446
00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:51,428
Thanks, Harry.
447
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:53,163
All right, buddy.
448
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,334
Line 'em up, Harry.
449
00:18:57,335 --> 00:18:58,134
5 martinis.
450
00:18:58,135 --> 00:18:59,269
No, Harry.
451
00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:02,006
Dr. Albright, we should take you home now.
452
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:05,208
No, Nina. I have brain cells
that will remember this evening,
453
00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:07,945
and I want them destroyed!
454
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:10,214
Hey, Dr. Albright,
how did your talk go?
455
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,216
How did my talk go?
456
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,717
Let's see.
457
00:19:13,718 --> 00:19:15,219
First of all,
458
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,221
the Bolivians
were highly amused
459
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,888
when I confused the name
of their president
460
00:19:18,889 --> 00:19:21,825
with the word for kayak.
461
00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:24,961
But they stopped
laughing when...
462
00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:28,732
in their native tongue,
I welcomed them to my...
463
00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:33,003
womany place
and told them...
464
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:37,908
I told them there
was room for everyone!
465
00:19:37,909 --> 00:19:40,244
Tell her how you told them
that their country was A...
466
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,446
shining example
of goat death.
467
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:46,884
I hope this isn't
in any way my fault.
468
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,518
It's all your fault!
469
00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:50,988
You were supposed
to check these things!
470
00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:53,691
You're absolutely right.
I let you down completely.
471
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,360
Yes, you did!
What were you thinking?
472
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,762
I have no excuse.
It's just--it's just...
473
00:19:58,763 --> 00:20:01,966
really intimidating
when you work for...
474
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:02,933
for what?
475
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,802
Say it.
476
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:07,003
A bitch?!
477
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:09,773
No.
478
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:12,142
A genius!
479
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:22,653
Well,
that's nice, but...
480
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:23,887
I'm a professional,
481
00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:26,557
and I expect other people
to be professional with me.
482
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,858
Of course you do.
483
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:30,327
God, what have I done?
484
00:20:30,328 --> 00:20:33,330
I've let down the
brightest woman alive!
485
00:20:33,331 --> 00:20:34,965
Oh, god!
486
00:20:34,966 --> 00:20:36,900
[Sobbing]
487
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,838
Oh, Sally.
488
00:20:41,839 --> 00:20:44,307
Don't beat yourself up.
489
00:20:44,308 --> 00:20:46,943
Let me buy you a drink.
490
00:20:46,944 --> 00:20:48,144
Margarita,
rocks, no salt.
491
00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:49,546
Harry!
[Ding]
492
00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:56,453
And so, using
coulomb's third law,
493
00:20:56,454 --> 00:20:58,288
I was able to prove
that he did it.
494
00:20:58,289 --> 00:20:59,656
What does that
have to do with it?
495
00:20:59,657 --> 00:21:00,957
Nothing.
496
00:21:00,958 --> 00:21:02,926
All I proved was that
he's rotating around the sun.
497
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,761
But he
didn't know that.
498
00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:06,263
That's the wonderful
thing about physics.
499
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:08,231
Nobody understands it.
500
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:11,602
So you can use your knowledge
to bully people into submission.
501
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,203
Well,
that's the plan.
502
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:15,172
As long as America's
educational system
503
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,773
remains
woefully inadequate,
504
00:21:16,774 --> 00:21:18,475
I rule.
505
00:21:18,476 --> 00:21:19,776
Yes,
you really do.
506
00:21:19,777 --> 00:21:21,345
What you do
is amazing.
507
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,346
Thank you, Sally.
508
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:23,947
Sometimes
I wish you were dead
509
00:21:23,948 --> 00:21:26,784
so they could put you
on a stamp.
510
00:21:28,853 --> 00:21:31,621
Sally, you're not kissing my butt, are you?
511
00:21:31,622 --> 00:21:33,857
A man of your stature?
I wouldn't dare.
512
00:21:33,858 --> 00:21:35,692
Well, good.
Here's 20 bucks.
513
00:21:35,693 --> 00:21:37,527
Thanks.
514
00:21:37,528 --> 00:21:40,564
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--
515
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,368
now that you're feeling
better about your career again,
516
00:21:45,369 --> 00:21:47,237
do I have to keep working at the bar?
517
00:21:47,238 --> 00:21:48,305
Oh, no, Harry.
518
00:21:48,306 --> 00:21:50,807
Oh, good. There's just too much pressure.
519
00:21:50,808 --> 00:21:52,742
All those people
and their problems.
520
00:21:52,743 --> 00:21:54,510
No. There's too much
pressure in the soda gun.
521
00:21:54,511 --> 00:21:55,545
You could put an eye out.
522
00:21:55,546 --> 00:22:00,250
Why do you think they
call him one-eyed jimmy?
523
00:22:00,251 --> 00:22:02,619
Wait. He lost
his eye from soda?
524
00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:04,254
Yeah. Root beer.
525
00:22:04,255 --> 00:22:05,755
No wonder he's angry.
526
00:22:05,756 --> 00:22:06,823
I would be.
527
00:22:06,824 --> 00:22:08,191
So how
was the fight?
528
00:22:08,192 --> 00:22:10,694
Oh, short.