1 00:00:03,388 --> 00:00:04,596 Oh, my god! 2 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:09,770 Aliens are not like that. 3 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,879 Oh, the senseless violence. 4 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,080 The mindless gore. 5 00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,381 The incredible sound system. 6 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:18,548 There must have been 30 speakers in that place. That movie kicked butt. 7 00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:20,474 How can you say that? 8 00:00:20,475 --> 00:00:22,371 They portrayed aliens as vicious monsters. 9 00:00:22,372 --> 00:00:24,501 They blew up the department of transportation. 10 00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,715 Do you mind? We haven't seen the movie yet. 11 00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:28,112 What do I care? I don't even know you. 12 00:00:29,272 --> 00:00:30,610 Don't you think it was cool 13 00:00:30,611 --> 00:00:34,265 when that thing's tongue split open and strangled those eight army guys? 14 00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,000 Okay, that was cool... - Yeah. 15 00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:38,447 But only that, and only because it made me scream 16 00:00:38,448 --> 00:00:39,847 like a little girl. 17 00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:43,834 They have to make the aliens scary. That's entertainment. 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:47,579 Sucking the brains out of all those zoo animals is not entertainment. 19 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,016 Hey, up there, shut up! 20 00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:52,076 Hey, quiet. 21 00:00:52,890 --> 00:00:54,405 It's how these people think of us. 22 00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:57,614 They didn't care whether the aliens were good or bad. They wanted them dead. 23 00:00:57,615 --> 00:01:01,065 What am I going to do? Mary.. she's already seen this movie. 24 00:01:01,066 --> 00:01:04,478 So? She doesn't know you're an alien. Does she? 25 00:01:04,479 --> 00:01:05,382 Oh, please. 26 00:01:05,383 --> 00:01:06,360 Does she? 27 00:01:06,361 --> 00:01:08,783 I said, "oh, please." Isn't that enough? 28 00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:09,607 Does she? 29 00:01:09,608 --> 00:01:10,889 No! 30 00:01:11,979 --> 00:01:13,689 Attention, ticket holders! 31 00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:16,638 Listen up. At the end of the movie, 32 00:01:16,639 --> 00:01:19,281 when the president turns out to be an alien.. 33 00:01:21,629 --> 00:01:23,789 and he barbecues all the congressmen, 34 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:27,552 don't believe it because aliens hate barbecue. 35 00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:30,723 If you don't shut up, I'm going to kill you. - All Righty. 36 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,383 And that goes for all of you. - Did you hear that guy? 37 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,212 He hasn't seen the movie, and he already wants to kill us. 38 00:01:35,213 --> 00:01:36,808 We are in big trouble here. 39 00:01:36,809 --> 00:01:39,354 We've got to lay low until this mania passes over. 40 00:01:39,355 --> 00:01:40,753 Maybe build a bunker. 41 00:01:40,754 --> 00:01:42,804 No! We can't hide. 42 00:01:42,805 --> 00:01:45,078 I say we come out of the bunker and into the street. 43 00:01:45,079 --> 00:01:47,986 I say we hold an alien pride parade. 44 00:01:49,231 --> 00:01:51,119 We'll all get together, 45 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,472 and we'll prove that we're all.. 46 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:56,790 humans. 47 00:02:30,872 --> 00:02:32,437 Hello. "Rutherford bugle"? 48 00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:34,710 I'd like to speak to your film critic, please. 49 00:02:34,938 --> 00:02:38,742 Oh. Well, then, will you tell him that I just saw "Dawn of the Aliens, 50 00:02:38,777 --> 00:02:40,170 and it was not wham-bam? 51 00:02:40,171 --> 00:02:43,049 It was not a slam dunk. I was never on the edge of my seat. 52 00:02:43,050 --> 00:02:45,329 And the special effects did not make my eyes pop out. 53 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:48,404 There's no cream in here! 54 00:02:48,405 --> 00:02:50,733 Well, you don't have to bite my head off. 55 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,960 Nina, we don't do that. 56 00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:56,851 Hello, Dick. 57 00:02:56,852 --> 00:02:58,169 Oh, Mary. 58 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,361 You notice how I'm being gentle and not 59 00:03:01,362 --> 00:03:04,506 squeezing your body until your spleen shoots out of your mouth? 60 00:03:05,568 --> 00:03:08,301 Yes, I noticed that. Thank You. 61 00:03:08,502 --> 00:03:10,674 Oh! Speaking of spleens, 62 00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:12,530 did you see "Dawn of the Aliens"? 63 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,093 Wasn't that movie great? 64 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:18,440 It was two hours and four minutes of horrible, horrible lies. 65 00:03:18,958 --> 00:03:21,627 I liked it. - Me, too. I was on the edge of my seat. 66 00:03:22,028 --> 00:03:25,524 They portray aliens as hideous, evil mutants. 67 00:03:25,559 --> 00:03:28,204 Why can't they be sweet and well-mannered? 68 00:03:28,205 --> 00:03:31,092 I don't pay seven bucks to see an alien play with a puppy. 69 00:03:31,093 --> 00:03:32,532 At that price he better eat it. 70 00:03:38,642 --> 00:03:40,830 Tommy? Tommy, 71 00:03:40,973 --> 00:03:43,540 They're having a sci-fi convention in Cleveland. 72 00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:46,981 "Meet all the aliens from your favourite Tv shows and movies. 73 00:03:46,982 --> 00:03:49,484 And 'Star Trek's' Mr. Sulu, George Takei, 74 00:03:49,485 --> 00:03:51,380 will be signing copies of his new book, 75 00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:55,326 'Warp Speed, Damn It: The complete rants of William Shatner". 76 00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:59,426 This would be a perfect place to help people understand 77 00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:01,920 how wrong their impressions of us aliens are. 78 00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:04,738 Or we could just blow the whole damn place up. 79 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:08,788 Would you guys lift your feet, please? 80 00:04:09,465 --> 00:04:11,619 Lift your feet. Lift feet! 81 00:04:13,142 --> 00:04:14,373 What's your problem? 82 00:04:15,711 --> 00:04:18,051 Sally, turn off your sucking device. 83 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:22,029 What is it? 84 00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:25,412 I need your support. I've made the most difficult decision 85 00:04:25,413 --> 00:04:26,899 I've had to make since coming to this planet. 86 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,827 You're giving up tighty whities 87 00:04:28,828 --> 00:04:32,569 and switching to boxers? Nooooooo! 88 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,557 It's not about underwear, Harry, 89 00:04:36,873 --> 00:04:37,761 although I have switched. 90 00:04:41,078 --> 00:04:42,419 I've decided to tell Mary 91 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,276 that I am what humans would call, 92 00:04:44,277 --> 00:04:46,609 in their galactocentric way, 93 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,396 an alien. 94 00:04:48,397 --> 00:04:51,007 No..are you crazy? Why are you doing this? 95 00:04:51,008 --> 00:04:53,162 You've never blown your cover on any other mission. 96 00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:54,450 I've never felt the need to. 97 00:04:54,451 --> 00:04:56,635 I keep having these feelings. 98 00:04:59,484 --> 00:05:02,584 It's this fleshy human slipcover. 99 00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:05,043 Oh, sure, it's dashing, tall, 100 00:05:05,044 --> 00:05:06,252 manly, 101 00:05:07,255 --> 00:05:08,742 washable, 102 00:05:09,991 --> 00:05:12,482 but somehow it just makes me feel so awful 103 00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,091 about deceiving the woman I love. 104 00:05:14,092 --> 00:05:17,364 All right, look. Let's just think this thing through, okay? 105 00:05:17,365 --> 00:05:20,036 I'll be her. Here I am. I'm Mary, 106 00:05:20,037 --> 00:05:21,174 sitting at my desk. 107 00:05:21,175 --> 00:05:23,483 Now, you come in and tell me. 108 00:05:30,171 --> 00:05:30,878 Hello, Mary. 109 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:32,917 Dick. 110 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,840 You look handsome today. 111 00:05:35,841 --> 00:05:38,265 And you look more beautiful than ever. 112 00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:46,260 All right. Let's just start over. 113 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,110 Hello, Mary. - Dick! 114 00:05:57,303 --> 00:06:00,085 I can't kiss you today because I've got the flu. 115 00:06:01,744 --> 00:06:03,132 As do I. 116 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,216 Mary, I am an alien. 117 00:06:10,619 --> 00:06:11,893 She's dead! 118 00:06:14,651 --> 00:06:18,254 You killed her, you alien bastard! 119 00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:19,847 Why? 120 00:06:19,848 --> 00:06:21,662 Why? 121 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:23,428 This is nonsense! I'm going to tell her. 122 00:06:23,429 --> 00:06:24,711 You're going to get us all killed. 123 00:06:24,712 --> 00:06:25,894 I'm only telling one person. 124 00:06:25,895 --> 00:06:27,781 Sir, as security officer, I forbid. 125 00:06:27,816 --> 00:06:30,957 And, as high commander, I have to say tough toenails, lieutenant. 126 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,023 Fine. Let it be on your head. 127 00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:35,928 Which is going to be sitting next to ours on a tray somewhere in new Mexico. 128 00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:39,661 I am telling you, humans cannot handle this kind of information. 129 00:06:39,662 --> 00:06:41,779 Mary can. 130 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:45,080 I just have to find the right setting, the right atmosphere 131 00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:47,981 where the elegant beauty of our magnificent surroundings 132 00:06:48,264 --> 00:06:51,044 help her to embrace the truth and me. 133 00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:53,211 They're having a sci-fi convention in Cleveland. 134 00:06:54,506 --> 00:06:55,210 Perfect! 135 00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:58,006 Pack your bags, kids. We're going on a road trip. 136 00:06:58,007 --> 00:06:59,007 Sweet. 137 00:07:06,486 --> 00:07:10,701 Ooh! - Oh! - Ahh! 138 00:07:10,702 --> 00:07:12,600 Look at this place. 139 00:07:12,978 --> 00:07:15,267 Our first hotel room. 140 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,662 Wow! Why do I suddenly have the urge 141 00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:18,991 to trash it? 142 00:07:19,686 --> 00:07:24,281 Hey, you guys, look at this tiny bottle I found in the bathroom. 143 00:07:24,582 --> 00:07:29,035 Evidence of a superior race of tiny people. 144 00:07:30,378 --> 00:07:31,661 How can you tell they're superior? 145 00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:35,683 Because it's a shampoo and conditioner in one. 146 00:07:38,049 --> 00:07:39,611 A tiny fridge. 147 00:07:39,612 --> 00:07:41,995 Filled with tiny bottles of alcohol, 148 00:07:41,996 --> 00:07:45,029 and tiny bags of macadamia nuts! 149 00:07:45,117 --> 00:07:47,645 These people might be tiny, but they know how to party. 150 00:07:47,796 --> 00:07:49,497 How do they get up on the bed, 151 00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:53,509 especially when they're all drunk and fat on nuts? 152 00:08:00,405 --> 00:08:01,488 Just tell me when. 153 00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,139 When. 154 00:08:03,140 --> 00:08:06,482 When I've poured enough to slake your thirst for champagne. 155 00:08:06,883 --> 00:08:07,732 When. 156 00:08:07,733 --> 00:08:09,655 Whenever your heart desires. 157 00:08:10,128 --> 00:08:11,136 When, stop, now. 158 00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:13,050 Now? Yeah, yes, now, now! 159 00:08:15,739 --> 00:08:17,799 Half a bottle for one glass. 160 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,768 You are a wild woman, 161 00:08:20,778 --> 00:08:22,368 but then I accept that. 162 00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:25,334 I may be wild, but I'm not going to bite. 163 00:08:25,335 --> 00:08:28,344 And neither will I, and that's the whole point. 164 00:08:28,345 --> 00:08:30,507 There will be no biting, no bloodletting, 165 00:08:30,508 --> 00:08:32,444 no cranial explosions. 166 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,879 What's with you? 167 00:08:35,104 --> 00:08:37,104 All right, Mary, you've sniffed me out. 168 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:40,876 I brought you here under the guise of a romantic holiday 169 00:08:40,877 --> 00:08:42,786 to tell you something about myself. 170 00:08:43,742 --> 00:08:44,989 This is very difficult. 171 00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:47,731 I don't want you to judge me. 172 00:08:47,732 --> 00:08:49,585 I never judge you. 173 00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:53,932 Sometimes I do. Often. 174 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:56,936 Always. I'll try not to this time. 175 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,545 Mary, before I met you, 176 00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:01,744 I was completely different. I was far, 177 00:09:01,779 --> 00:09:03,218 far away from here. 178 00:09:03,219 --> 00:09:04,985 And ever since I left that place, 179 00:09:04,986 --> 00:09:07,842 I've been fighting so hard to fit in. 180 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,533 And if ever anyone found out, I'd have to go back 181 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,888 because I could never live in this world any longer. 182 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,371 Oh, Dick, 183 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,169 were you in a... "Clinic"? 184 00:09:21,409 --> 00:09:23,717 Clinic? - It's okay. 185 00:09:23,918 --> 00:09:26,126 So was I. 186 00:09:26,227 --> 00:09:27,369 Oh! 187 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,220 Wake up, everybody! 188 00:09:47,451 --> 00:09:50,812 We're going to the sci-fi convention. 189 00:09:57,893 --> 00:10:00,356 What's so important about this sci-fi convention? 190 00:10:00,357 --> 00:10:01,357 Don't you see? 191 00:10:01,358 --> 00:10:03,660 It's a perfect opportunity to take a stand, 192 00:10:03,661 --> 00:10:07,233 to protest how the rest of the world is treating our kind. 193 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,613 You want to be some kind of alien Martin Luther king? 194 00:10:09,614 --> 00:10:10,915 Exactly, 195 00:10:11,763 --> 00:10:14,113 because I, too, have a dream, 196 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:19,288 and in that dream I'm naked on a ferris wheel. 197 00:10:21,223 --> 00:10:22,618 I'll meet you guys in the lobby. 198 00:10:22,619 --> 00:10:25,052 I'm going to go make sure Dick hasn't blown our cover. 199 00:10:25,053 --> 00:10:27,297 Sally, there's a note for you on the door. 200 00:10:28,613 --> 00:10:30,574 "Please make up room". 201 00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:37,774 All right, I'll do it when we get back. 202 00:10:38,364 --> 00:10:41,229 We're going to the sci-fi convention! 203 00:10:46,572 --> 00:10:48,604 I've never told anyone this before, 204 00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:51,891 but when I was a little girl.. nine, 10... 205 00:10:51,892 --> 00:10:53,202 17.. 206 00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:55,302 I was fat. 207 00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:56,803 How fat? 208 00:10:57,582 --> 00:10:59,588 Fat enough that everybody made fun of me. 209 00:10:59,589 --> 00:11:01,755 Fat as a cow? Is that how fat? 210 00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:04,766 That's not important. - Right, sorry. You go on. 211 00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:07,177 Anyway, instead of reaching out for help, I.. 212 00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:09,418 I turned inward and became bitter 213 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,111 and disillusioned with the world around me. 214 00:11:11,112 --> 00:11:13,812 300 pounds? 400.. - Dick! 215 00:11:13,813 --> 00:11:15,089 Sorry. 216 00:11:16,064 --> 00:11:18,030 My parents just made it worse. 217 00:11:18,864 --> 00:11:20,577 They had this notion that I was going to be 218 00:11:20,578 --> 00:11:22,080 an Olympic figure skater. 219 00:11:23,069 --> 00:11:24,744 They forced me into a leotard. 220 00:11:25,843 --> 00:11:28,863 I looked like a sausage in purple velour casing. 221 00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:32,852 And when I skated, they called me the Zamboni. 222 00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:37,261 Then one day I.. I cracked. 223 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,797 The ice? - Mentally! 224 00:11:40,509 --> 00:11:43,144 I cracked mentally. - Mentally, yes. 225 00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:46,587 My parents sent me to a special place.. 226 00:11:47,287 --> 00:11:49,188 camp knock-a-lot- of-Weight-off. 227 00:11:49,718 --> 00:11:52,252 Mary, that is just terrible. I'm so sorry. 228 00:11:52,287 --> 00:11:54,787 Oh no, it's fine, really. 229 00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:56,789 Thanks for letting me confide in you. 230 00:11:57,287 --> 00:12:01,137 Now, why were you in a clinic? 231 00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:03,809 Oh, uh, well, funny story. 232 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:07,939 I was, uh... how can I put this...Not. 233 00:12:07,974 --> 00:12:08,645 What?! 234 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:09,646 Here goes. I am.. 235 00:12:10,717 --> 00:12:12,731 just hold that thought. 236 00:12:14,054 --> 00:12:14,684 Sally! 237 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:16,814 I need to talk to Dick for a second, in private. 238 00:12:16,815 --> 00:12:18,790 Don't you have some little girly thing you need to do in the bathroom? 239 00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:20,923 No. - Then just go sit in there. 240 00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,929 Excuse me? - You're excused. 241 00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:25,679 What, uh.. well! 242 00:12:27,807 --> 00:12:28,388 This had better be good! 243 00:12:28,389 --> 00:12:29,930 I was this close to pouring my heart out. 244 00:12:29,931 --> 00:12:30,974 Then I arrived in time. 245 00:12:30,975 --> 00:12:32,825 She just told me one of her deepest secrets. 246 00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:35,322 She used to be fat. - Fat as a cow? 247 00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:36,810 That's not the point. 248 00:12:36,811 --> 00:12:39,002 The point is, she can't keep a secret. 249 00:12:39,003 --> 00:12:41,732 And you tell her, the next thing you know, the air force has sealed off the neighborhood. 250 00:12:41,733 --> 00:12:43,367 That's a risk I'm willing to take. 251 00:12:43,368 --> 00:12:46,739 Okay, how about this one? You tell her you're an alien, 252 00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:48,767 and she freaks out, runs away, 253 00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:52,095 and you never see her again, ever. 254 00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:53,998 Oh... 255 00:12:53,999 --> 00:12:57,276 Well..in my scenario, she comes running into my arms. 256 00:12:58,010 --> 00:12:59,063 Well, 257 00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:01,386 just a risk you're going to have to take... 258 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,144 Alien. 259 00:13:22,473 --> 00:13:24,694 But it's fascinating, though, isn't it? - What? 260 00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:27,941 How these people fulfill their lives through fantasy. 261 00:13:28,142 --> 00:13:30,323 It's like those guys that spend all of their time 262 00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:32,501 reading those fake letters in "penthouse". 263 00:13:33,049 --> 00:13:34,259 They're fake? 264 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,604 Can you imagine what these people would do 265 00:13:38,605 --> 00:13:40,707 if they met an actual alien? 266 00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,952 They would completely freak out. 267 00:13:43,137 --> 00:13:46,173 I don't know. In a way, aren't we all aliens? 268 00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:49,232 I mean, we emerge from weightless environments, 269 00:13:49,233 --> 00:13:51,237 seeing everything for the first time with 270 00:13:51,238 --> 00:13:52,238 curious new eyes, 271 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,430 every emotion brand-new, always discovering, 272 00:13:56,137 --> 00:13:57,188 always learning. 273 00:13:57,389 --> 00:13:59,225 Yeah, you keep overthinking life. 274 00:13:59,226 --> 00:14:02,109 I'm going to get a couple of space churros. 275 00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:05,924 See? Somebody broke into the room. 276 00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:07,277 Look at this place. 277 00:14:10,231 --> 00:14:11,357 Looks clean to me. 278 00:14:11,358 --> 00:14:12,249 Exactly! 279 00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:15,130 They cleaned everything, made the beds, rewrapped the soap, 280 00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,345 sanitized the toilet for my protection. 281 00:14:17,346 --> 00:14:19,412 Look, look, look, look! 282 00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:21,947 The maid was here. 283 00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:25,436 The maid? There's a maid? 284 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:26,674 Housekeeping. 285 00:14:26,675 --> 00:14:31,125 Here. It's a whole book of services the hotel has to offer. 286 00:14:32,813 --> 00:14:35,947 Dry cleaning, wake-Up calls, in-room dining? 287 00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:37,988 Yes, ma'am, room service. 288 00:14:39,293 --> 00:14:40,991 Room service? 289 00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:45,303 Room... 290 00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:48,270 service. 291 00:14:49,704 --> 00:14:51,242 Do you know what this means? 292 00:14:51,343 --> 00:14:52,538 No, ma'am. 293 00:14:52,539 --> 00:14:54,085 We're in heaven. 294 00:14:55,139 --> 00:14:56,346 You, my good man, 295 00:14:56,347 --> 00:14:59,274 are the assistant manager of heaven. 296 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,710 Thank you, ma'am. - Bye-bye. 297 00:15:09,183 --> 00:15:10,839 Hi. Yes, erm... 298 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,227 This is Sally Solomon in room 605. 299 00:15:13,643 --> 00:15:15,732 Can I get a turkey sandwich? 300 00:15:16,535 --> 00:15:18,063 I can? 301 00:15:19,849 --> 00:15:21,838 Can I get 10? 302 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,894 Live long and prosper. 303 00:15:30,328 --> 00:15:34,172 Hailing frequencies open, everybody. I'm George Takei. 304 00:15:38,289 --> 00:15:41,220 Seeing all of you here makes me feel like a kid again, 305 00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:44,402 almost as if, as Mr. Sulu once said, 306 00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:47,216 my chronometer's running backwards. 307 00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:48,625 Ha! 308 00:15:50,028 --> 00:15:52,040 You people are living a lie. 309 00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:53,662 Look at yourselves, 310 00:15:53,663 --> 00:15:56,456 embracing negative alien stereotypes. 311 00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:59,751 Did you ever stop to think that maybe aliens are friendly, 312 00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:01,399 kind, attractive people? 313 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,066 Uh, security? 314 00:16:03,939 --> 00:16:06,178 Hath not an Alien eyes 315 00:16:06,179 --> 00:16:07,531 or buttocks? 316 00:16:07,837 --> 00:16:12,040 If you prick an alien, does it not say "Ow, ow, ow"? 317 00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:14,149 We should not embrace 318 00:16:14,150 --> 00:16:15,250 science fiction. 319 00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:17,553 Screw sci-fi. 320 00:16:17,554 --> 00:16:22,600 Instead, we should embrace science facts.. 321 00:16:23,772 --> 00:16:25,617 "sci-fa". 322 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,323 Harry, let's go now. 323 00:16:27,324 --> 00:16:29,539 Long live sci-fa. 324 00:16:31,397 --> 00:16:31,978 You there, 325 00:16:31,979 --> 00:16:33,474 forget the windows and scrub that sink 326 00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:35,542 until I see my face in it. Thanks. 327 00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,977 Ooh, coming! 328 00:16:39,193 --> 00:16:40,630 Good afternoon, ma'am. - Good afternoon. 329 00:16:40,631 --> 00:16:41,882 I'm here to pick up your dry cleaning. 330 00:16:41,883 --> 00:16:45,023 Yeah that pile on the luggage. Hell, do the luggage, too. 331 00:16:45,024 --> 00:16:46,905 Sally, I just feel terrible. 332 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:50,800 Well, you're doing the right thing by not telling her, honey. 333 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,672 Darling, when you're done with the bathroom, 334 00:16:52,673 --> 00:16:54,630 dust the credenza and fertilize the potted plants. 335 00:16:54,631 --> 00:16:56,622 I'm want 'em blooming and making me happy. 336 00:16:57,687 --> 00:16:59,777 I came here with the sole purpose of coming clean, 337 00:16:59,778 --> 00:17:01,663 and now I feel so dirty. 338 00:17:01,664 --> 00:17:03,488 Just take a bubble bath. You know, 339 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,743 the tub's got beautifully positioned jets, 340 00:17:05,778 --> 00:17:07,307 and the shower turns into a sauna. 341 00:17:07,308 --> 00:17:09,069 "Dirty" was a metaphor lieutenant. 342 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,116 I'm sure it was, honey. 343 00:17:10,117 --> 00:17:11,715 Hi. Yes, uh.. 344 00:17:11,716 --> 00:17:13,483 Could we get some eucalyptus oil up here, 345 00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:16,094 and a couple of big, fat loofahs? Thanks. 346 00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:19,870 Sally? - Hello, boys. 347 00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,437 What's all this stuff? 348 00:17:21,438 --> 00:17:24,665 Room... service. 349 00:17:25,614 --> 00:17:28,704 Room Service. 350 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:30,850 If I want a towel, they send it up. 351 00:17:30,851 --> 00:17:32,325 If I want a radish, they send it up. 352 00:17:32,326 --> 00:17:35,206 They set up a laptop, a fax, a Vcr. And why? 353 00:17:35,207 --> 00:17:39,012 Because until checkout time tomorrow, I'm their Queen. 354 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:42,380 I'm glad you're having a good time. - I am. 355 00:17:42,381 --> 00:17:45,705 I'll be down in my room. Are these chocolate truffles? 356 00:17:45,706 --> 00:17:47,452 Hey! Get your own French sampler. 357 00:17:53,535 --> 00:17:55,009 How can you look at yourself? 358 00:17:55,402 --> 00:17:58,251 Deceiving the person you love for the sake of a mission. 359 00:17:58,252 --> 00:17:59,349 Look at you. 360 00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:02,306 You're gorgeous! 361 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,055 Did you say something? - Oh, no, nothing. 362 00:18:07,056 --> 00:18:09,750 Tell her, tell her, but how? 363 00:18:13,598 --> 00:18:15,953 Stand back, Earth man, 364 00:18:16,851 --> 00:18:19,127 and prepare to be demolecularized 365 00:18:19,128 --> 00:18:21,059 in ways you've never imagined. 366 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,181 Mary? - I'm not Mary. 367 00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:28,018 I am uma from the planet Thurman. 368 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,789 Remove your earth pants. 369 00:18:32,098 --> 00:18:35,076 Any resistance will be futile, human. 370 00:18:35,077 --> 00:18:35,854 Human. 371 00:18:37,455 --> 00:18:39,024 But I'm not human. 372 00:18:40,458 --> 00:18:41,982 I've been deceiving you. 373 00:18:43,012 --> 00:18:44,635 I'm an alien from a planet 374 00:18:44,636 --> 00:18:48,405 in the bard spiral galaxy on the Cepheus Draco border. 375 00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:51,019 I was sent here by our leader, 376 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,973 the big giant head, to explore this planet. 377 00:18:55,182 --> 00:18:57,182 Dick Solomon is just a facade, 378 00:18:57,383 --> 00:18:59,930 hiding a quivering purple tube. 379 00:19:00,231 --> 00:19:02,062 I am the high commander, 380 00:19:02,498 --> 00:19:05,691 and this... is my salute. 381 00:19:13,638 --> 00:19:14,431 Oh, really? 382 00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,699 I have seen your planet. 383 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,673 It is a savage place and must be conquered. 384 00:19:22,256 --> 00:19:24,000 Oh, Mary. 385 00:19:24,645 --> 00:19:27,699 Ow! - Ow! Oh. 386 00:19:33,633 --> 00:19:36,288 This is Harry Solomon. I'd like to get another massage 387 00:19:36,289 --> 00:19:38,539 cause I'm starting to feel a little tense again. 388 00:19:40,301 --> 00:19:42,305 Hey, look what I found. 389 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,571 Oh, what is it? 390 00:19:43,572 --> 00:19:46,373 It looks like a list of everything we got while we were here. 391 00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:49,953 Lobster, lobster, lobster, lobster. 392 00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:51,812 Hey, what's that number there at the bottom? 393 00:19:51,813 --> 00:19:54,209 It's probably the population of Cleveland or something. 394 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,077 That's your bill. 395 00:19:59,794 --> 00:20:03,517 Oh, my god. - No way. 396 00:20:03,518 --> 00:20:04,861 What are we going to do? 397 00:20:04,862 --> 00:20:07,647 Harry, get me the laptop, the modem, 398 00:20:07,648 --> 00:20:09,873 the magnetic strip key that got us into this room, 399 00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:12,053 and a shower cap. 400 00:20:14,306 --> 00:20:15,364 Good morning, Mr. Takei. 401 00:20:15,365 --> 00:20:17,599 Good morning. I'm checking out. 402 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,907 Of course. Here's your bill, sir. 403 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:25,832 Three thousand dollars 404 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:26,833 Well, that's all right. 405 00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:29,981 I can afford it, I'm a famous actor. 406 00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:34,096 I'm sorry. That's thirty thousand dollars Mr. Takei. 407 00:20:36,752 --> 00:20:39,237 Oh, my. 408 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:48,997 14 bottles of champagne, shrimp cocktails, 409 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,069 hummus on pita tips? 410 00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:53,761 Look, I had a toblerone and two ginger ales. 411 00:20:53,762 --> 00:20:54,915 That's it! 412 00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:58,222 Seven massages? How could I get seven massages? 413 00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,374 Do I look relaxed? Do I? 414 00:21:01,605 --> 00:21:02,864 What's this? 415 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,508 All right, so I took one towel. 416 00:21:07,509 --> 00:21:08,509 One towel! 417 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:11,464 I'm George Takei, damn it! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net