1 00:00:04,403 --> 00:00:09,407 So... you know about the spring dance next week, right? 2 00:00:09,408 --> 00:00:12,811 Uh, yeah, yeah. Why, you wanna go? 3 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:16,113 - I don't care. - Argh, good, phew! 4 00:00:17,616 --> 00:00:19,984 Wait, so-- so you're not asking me to the dance? 5 00:00:19,985 --> 00:00:22,921 No. 6 00:00:22,922 --> 00:00:25,323 As usual, you have no clue. 7 00:00:25,324 --> 00:00:28,126 - What?! Wait, wait, wait, you just said-- - Never mind what I said. 8 00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:30,428 But I distinctly heard you say that you did not care-- 9 00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:34,232 you s-- she-- 10 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:38,103 doesn't she ever just leave quietly? 11 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,671 I don't understand her. 12 00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:43,608 What's to understand? Kill her and get a new one. 13 00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:46,311 No, no, no, no, no, you can't do that, see? 14 00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:49,481 You gotta get a new one and then you kill her. 15 00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:55,253 It's like the book says, "be prepared." 16 00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:59,057 "The official boy scout guide book." Who are the boy scouts? 17 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:02,594 They're an elite pre-pubescent, paramilitary society. 18 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:05,464 And I'm gonna follow their ways. 19 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,266 But, Harry, you're neither elite, nor pre-pubescent. 20 00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:10,301 All in good time, Sally... 21 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:12,503 all in good time. 22 00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:15,740 - Whoa, what are you doing? - It's these ants, they're everywhere. 23 00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:19,845 Well, you can't kill 'em, I'm breeding 'em. 24 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,279 Oh, that makes sense. 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,515 I'm going for my merit badge in insect husbandry. 26 00:01:24,516 --> 00:01:26,651 So you've turned my kitchen into an ant farm? 27 00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:29,621 No, the ant farm is under your bed. 28 00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:32,457 The kitchen is more of a lounge area. 29 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:35,126 - Okay, it's okay. 30 00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:38,763 - Here we are, nice and safe. - Oh, oh, no, no... 31 00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:41,366 - oh god. - Hello? 32 00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:43,401 Dick's a little shaken up. 33 00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:46,204 - What the heck happened now? - Yeah, so? 34 00:01:46,205 --> 00:01:49,507 Oh, I was driving along, radio blasting, 35 00:01:49,508 --> 00:01:52,944 wind rushing through my gorgeous hair, 36 00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:55,413 when suddenly, out of nowhere, 37 00:01:55,414 --> 00:02:00,251 wah! Boom-- oh! 38 00:02:00,252 --> 00:02:02,820 - What? - He hit a chipmunk. 39 00:02:04,823 --> 00:02:08,559 A chipmunk? What-- like one of those little Disney rats? 40 00:02:10,462 --> 00:02:13,698 Oh, and we rushed him to the finest veterinarian in all of Rutherford, 41 00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:15,433 but it's touch and go 42 00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:19,070 and these damn doctors won't tell me what's really going on. 43 00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,872 Oh, poor Chippy... 44 00:02:20,873 --> 00:02:22,607 - you named it "Chippy"? - Yeah. 45 00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:24,709 Hmm, well, I think it's kind of catchy-- 46 00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:26,477 Chippy the chipmunk... 47 00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:29,280 Chippy, the cheerful chipmunk... 48 00:02:29,281 --> 00:02:32,350 the tragedy of Chippy, the cheerful chipmunk. 49 00:02:32,351 --> 00:02:35,620 - Oh, no! - He'll be all right. 50 00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,887 Object "a," 51 00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:12,924 a 2,358-pound 52 00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:16,728 rambler American from 1964, 53 00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:19,731 traveling at 45 miles per hour 54 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:23,467 collides with object "b," 55 00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:25,903 a tiny chipmunk... 56 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,876 weighing a mere eight ounces. 57 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:37,014 Now, who can calculate the psychological toll 58 00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:38,983 this bloody collision 59 00:03:38,984 --> 00:03:42,620 will take on the driver? 60 00:03:44,323 --> 00:03:46,691 Dr. Solomon, you hit a chipmunk? 61 00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:49,594 Yes. 62 00:03:51,029 --> 00:03:54,165 Please, just tell me, 63 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:57,268 would you like me to ask you to the dance? 64 00:03:57,269 --> 00:04:00,672 Are you asking me to the dance? 65 00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:05,176 No, I'm asking you if you want me to ask you to the dance? 66 00:04:05,177 --> 00:04:07,245 Okay, all right. 67 00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:10,114 August, would you like to go to the dance with me? 68 00:04:10,115 --> 00:04:13,485 That depends. Are you just asking me 'cause I'm mad at you? 69 00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:16,021 - Yes. - Don't bother. 70 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:22,093 So, Tommy, don't have a date for the dance? 71 00:04:22,094 --> 00:04:24,662 Well, I-- I'm not sure. 72 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,600 Well, if you don't... 73 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,569 - I hope it's not too forward if I ask. - No. 74 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:34,973 - Could you go with my friend, beth? - Doh! 75 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,648 A proper tourniquet should minimize the blood flow 76 00:04:43,649 --> 00:04:45,983 to the affected extremity. 77 00:04:49,988 --> 00:04:52,757 This dance thing is nuts. It's like the Nfl draft. 78 00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:55,560 August took her offer off the table, so now I'm a free agent. 79 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,195 If I can't convince her to sign me back, 80 00:04:57,196 --> 00:05:00,498 I'm gonna get drafted by the Rutherford uglies. 81 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,702 I can't believe the arbitrary way 82 00:05:04,703 --> 00:05:08,873 that humans decide which animals to revere and which to eat. 83 00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:13,277 It's nothing more than a barbaric popularity contest. 84 00:05:13,278 --> 00:05:15,947 Take the koala bear: cute and cuddly. 85 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:18,783 Have you ever heard of a koala burger? A koala dog? 86 00:05:18,784 --> 00:05:21,385 Koala falafel? No! 87 00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:24,889 The noble cow, 88 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:29,159 whose only sins are her pendulous tits and redundant stomachs, 89 00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:33,698 is doomed to be sawed into freezer-friendly chunks 90 00:05:33,699 --> 00:05:37,134 and sold by the pound to the bloodthirsty masses. 91 00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:39,603 All right, everybody out, I've got some killing to do. 92 00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:41,306 What's going on? 93 00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:42,741 We got ants, soldiers. 94 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:44,542 - Dick: ants, we have ants? - Yeah, not for long. 95 00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:45,944 You're not killing anything! 96 00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:48,879 Dick, they are disease- ridden vermines, they must be ex-- 97 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,782 lieutenant! Lieutenant! 98 00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:55,286 You are forbidden to harm one single ant. Now, that's a direct order. 99 00:05:55,287 --> 00:05:58,989 I'm sorry, was I asleep when you turned into a big wussie? 100 00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:03,995 No, this has nothing to do with me being a wussie. 101 00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,899 Chippy has opened my eyes. 102 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:11,268 As of today, this apartment is a cruelty-free zone. 103 00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:13,304 Lieutenant, I order you to rid this house 104 00:06:13,305 --> 00:06:16,273 of any items made at the expense of our four-legged brethren. 105 00:06:16,274 --> 00:06:19,877 And we shall have no animal products, no animal by-products 106 00:06:19,878 --> 00:06:24,682 and you shall not buy any animal by-product, or products. 107 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:28,252 - Have I made myself clear? - Uh-huh. 108 00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:31,322 Come on, men, there's work to be done. 109 00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,536 Hello, Rutherford animal clinic? 110 00:06:45,537 --> 00:06:47,438 Yes, this is chippy's daddy. 111 00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:50,675 Are there-- are there any signs of improvement? 112 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:51,875 Oh, I see... 113 00:06:51,876 --> 00:06:54,078 well, did he get the basket of acorns I sent over? 114 00:06:55,614 --> 00:06:59,350 Okay, well, I'll check back in an hour. 115 00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:03,287 - Oh, Mary, I think you'd better sit down. - What is it? 116 00:07:03,288 --> 00:07:04,756 Chippy made it through the night, 117 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,791 but the doctors say when he comes out of the coma, 118 00:07:06,792 --> 00:07:10,762 he may only have 20 to 30% of his tree-climbing ability. 119 00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:15,800 You know, it would help if you stop thinking about it. 120 00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:19,204 - And stop talking about it. - But it's my fault. 121 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:23,574 What-- come on, Dick, this has been going on forever. 122 00:07:23,575 --> 00:07:28,079 First, man invented the wheel and then he invented road kill. 123 00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:31,448 You did all you could. 124 00:07:31,449 --> 00:07:34,118 I mean, most people wouldn't have even slowed down, 125 00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:37,188 much less stop to perform mouth to mouth. 126 00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:40,324 Dick, there's some frat guys out in the quad harassing a bison. 127 00:07:40,325 --> 00:07:42,025 Oh, my god, a bison! 128 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:44,027 - Those savages! - Dick! 129 00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:45,729 Why'd you do that? 130 00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:49,667 Because it's just so easy. 131 00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:53,203 Nina, I need a woman's point of view for something. 132 00:07:53,204 --> 00:07:55,906 Um, my girlfriend's not speaking to me 133 00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:57,508 because I didn't ask her to a dance. 134 00:07:57,509 --> 00:07:59,310 Mmm, send her flowers. 135 00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:04,115 She once told me that flowers reminded her of the morbid stench of death. 136 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,583 Okay... 137 00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:07,451 well, how about a gift? Maybe a nice makeup kit. 138 00:08:07,452 --> 00:08:10,889 Uh, she sees makeup as a way for the arrogant misogynists 139 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,457 to decorate the women they own and turn them into... 140 00:08:13,458 --> 00:08:16,293 you know, like vacuous playthings. 141 00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:20,598 Oh, I bet you two have a lot of fun. 142 00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:22,200 Wait, that's all you've got? 143 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,135 What do I look like, "dear sandy"? 144 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:26,871 - Who's "dear sandy"? - The advice lady from the paper. 145 00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:29,340 You know, like, "dear sandy, 146 00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:32,010 I'm a whiny little teenager with girlfriend problems 147 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,677 and the only person I can bug about it 148 00:08:33,678 --> 00:08:37,181 is my dad's stunning Nubian secretary. 149 00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,949 Yeah, yeah, yeah, could you write that down for me? 150 00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:40,951 Sure, you mean the stunning Nubian part? 151 00:08:50,762 --> 00:08:52,563 Hey, what you doing? 152 00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:55,666 Just following orders, getting rid of all the meat products. 153 00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:57,568 Oh, I can't watch. 154 00:08:57,569 --> 00:08:59,670 Wait, just a second. What're you wearing? 155 00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:02,106 - Mmm, binoculars. - No, the coat. 156 00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:05,943 - My coat? - Yeah, it's fur, animal fur. Give me the coat. 157 00:09:05,944 --> 00:09:10,848 No, no animals were harmed in the making of this coat. 158 00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:13,317 Oh yeah, I'm sure some llama just unzipped his fur and said, 159 00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:17,054 "thank, god, Harry Solomon won't be cold this winter." 160 00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,255 That's plausible. 161 00:09:18,256 --> 00:09:20,391 Whoa! 162 00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:24,595 - An order's an order. 163 00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:26,897 - Shut up. - Okay. 164 00:09:32,704 --> 00:09:36,841 Excuse me, it's after 6:00, you can give my chipmunk the pain shot now. 165 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:38,909 Dr. Solomon, I was going to. 166 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,478 - Oh, good, go ahead. - Just a few minutes. 167 00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:43,748 Well, please, it's after 6:00. It's after 6:00. 168 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,016 I don't see why he should have this pain. 169 00:09:46,017 --> 00:09:48,218 Sir, I will get to it in a minute. 170 00:09:48,219 --> 00:09:52,256 It's time for his shot, you understand? Do something! 171 00:09:52,257 --> 00:09:54,859 He only had to hold out until 6:00, and it's past 6:00. 172 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,728 He's in pain. My chipmunk is in pain. 173 00:09:57,729 --> 00:10:01,298 - Give him the shot, you understand me? - You're gonna have to behave. 174 00:10:01,299 --> 00:10:05,235 Give my chipmunk the shot! 175 00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:09,006 - All right, I'll get it. - Okay. 176 00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:12,143 The rabbit comes out of the hole... 177 00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:15,913 runs around the tree, 178 00:10:15,914 --> 00:10:18,815 winks at the sailor... 179 00:10:18,816 --> 00:10:21,218 finds god 180 00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:24,255 and voilà! 181 00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,357 A perfect straight knot. 182 00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:29,559 Harry, I need your opinion. Read my "dear sandy" letter. 183 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,596 I changed some of the specifics so nobody knows it's me. 184 00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:35,967 "I have a problem, my girlfriend, I'll call her Betty, 185 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,169 wants me to ask her to the dance, 186 00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,805 I, being a wealthy, Korean businessman..." 187 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,477 this is crap! 188 00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:48,545 Pardon my Korean. 189 00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:54,552 - What's that? - Sandwich. 190 00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,887 - What's in it? - Lettuce. 191 00:10:56,888 --> 00:11:00,057 I'm gonna have to search that sandwich. 192 00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:02,760 Lettuce, bread, what's this? 193 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,868 - Mayonnaise? - So? 194 00:11:10,869 --> 00:11:12,970 - Mayonnaise has eggs in it. - Eggs are not meat. 195 00:11:12,971 --> 00:11:16,274 Well, they would be if you didn't kill them for mayonnaise. 196 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:20,478 - I'm gonna have to destroy this contraband. - Whoa-- 197 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:24,014 ahh, what's that on your shoe? 198 00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:28,186 - Mayonnaise. - No... no, no, it's leather. 199 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,788 Your shoes are made of leather 200 00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:34,625 and leather shoes come from leather cows. 201 00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:37,528 Okay, listen, easy there, hot rod. 202 00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,164 Let's not get crazy about this. Maybe I got a little carried away. 203 00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:43,234 Here, Harry, have your sandwich back. 204 00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:47,972 I think Dick might like to have a little look in your closet. 205 00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:50,240 No-oo! 206 00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:57,248 Oh, the salad bar is fantastic, Mary. 207 00:11:57,249 --> 00:12:00,384 You know, I don't think we'll ever get tired of eating this way. 208 00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:03,688 Beets, cauliflower, seasoned croutons, 209 00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,656 plain croutons-- did I mention beets? 210 00:12:05,657 --> 00:12:09,259 - Yeah. - Yeah, and the beets, they are so nice. 211 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,595 - Oh, no! - What? 212 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,597 You ordered surf and turf 213 00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,699 and they brought you steak and lobster. Eh, waiter! 214 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:18,102 Dick, that's what surf and turf is. 215 00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:20,204 I thought it was water and grass. 216 00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:26,710 Mary, how could you? 217 00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:29,279 How could you do this to Chippy? 218 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,148 I'm not eating Chippy. 219 00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:34,552 Oh, not now, but where will this carnage end? 220 00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:37,922 Dick, sit down and eat your beets. 221 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,057 All right. 222 00:12:40,058 --> 00:12:42,459 Look, I think it's great 223 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:45,996 that you have made this wonderful life-changing decision... 224 00:12:45,997 --> 00:12:49,700 - but I will not sit here 225 00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:52,336 and let you berate me for living my life my way. 226 00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,274 Okay? 227 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:00,711 Okay. 228 00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:05,516 No, I can't take it anymore! 229 00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:09,419 I'm hereby liberating these lobsters. 230 00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:12,757 Run! Please, run for the river! 231 00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,592 They can take your legs, 232 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:17,861 but they'll never take your freedom! 233 00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,332 Come on! Come on, run! 234 00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:27,071 Well, you're gonna have to run faster than that. 235 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,473 Here, I'll help you. 236 00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:32,242 Here-- oh, oh, ow! 237 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,315 Goodbye, old friends. 238 00:13:38,316 --> 00:13:41,151 We've had some great times together, huh? 239 00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:47,691 I never thought I'd wear you, but you went with everything. 240 00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:53,798 And you, you were 50% off when we met, remember that? 241 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,567 I do. 242 00:13:56,568 --> 00:13:58,835 Oh! And you... 243 00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:02,306 you silly, fun, open-Toed things. 244 00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:06,076 You gave me bunions, but damn , you made my gams look great. 245 00:14:07,312 --> 00:14:09,346 I think I'll miss you most of all. 246 00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:13,184 "Dear sandy" is ignoring me, Harry. Listen to this. 247 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,019 "Angry in Akron," response, 248 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,387 "conflicted in Cleveland," response. 249 00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:20,424 She even responds to " yeast infection in Youngstown." 250 00:14:21,826 --> 00:14:26,630 Oh, what kind of parent names their kid "yeast infection"? 251 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,734 Look at me. 252 00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:35,005 I am 100% animal-free. 253 00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:37,508 Nothing was killed in the making of these garments. 254 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:40,311 Sir, following your pointless and stupid orders, 255 00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:43,247 I have rid this house of every animal product. 256 00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:47,118 - My shoes. - Good work, lieutenant. 257 00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:51,088 Sally, are those... all your shoes? 258 00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:52,889 - Yeah. - Uh-huh... 259 00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:54,591 - and you're quite sure of that? - Yes. 260 00:14:54,592 --> 00:14:57,995 - Every shoe you own. - Yes, yes, yes! 261 00:14:57,996 --> 00:15:00,598 Oh, really? 262 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:03,534 - Then how do you explain these? 263 00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:07,237 While completing my merit badge in water conservation, 264 00:15:07,238 --> 00:15:09,507 I found these taped 265 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,175 to the inside of the toilet tank?! 266 00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:15,512 I've never seen those before in my life. 267 00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:18,715 - Give 'em back to me! - Lieutenant! 268 00:15:18,716 --> 00:15:21,551 - You won't be needing those anymore. 269 00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:25,522 As of today, I am issuing animal-Friendly foot gear. 270 00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:28,659 - Flip-flops? - Mm-hmm, they are very stylish 271 00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:31,328 and they make the most delightful slapping sounds. 272 00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:36,400 You like slapping sounds? I'll show you slapping sounds. 273 00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:38,168 Put them on, lieutenant. 274 00:15:38,169 --> 00:15:40,670 Now, if you'll excuse me. 275 00:15:40,671 --> 00:15:43,907 I'm taking these shoes to a cow pasture to give them a proper burial. 276 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,155 I'd like to thank you all for being gracious enough 277 00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:00,257 to come witness this magical moment. 278 00:16:00,258 --> 00:16:02,526 This is so beautiful, it's-- 279 00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:05,229 just let the rat go, it's cold out here. 280 00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:09,466 It's a chipmunk. Call it what it is, damn it. 281 00:16:11,269 --> 00:16:14,805 Three days ago, at exactly 6:38 P.M., 282 00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:17,307 Two lives were forever changed. 283 00:16:18,743 --> 00:16:22,913 But in the aftermath of that violent collision, 284 00:16:22,914 --> 00:16:25,349 a flower of hope blossomed 285 00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:29,019 and that hope ignited a flame of inspiration 286 00:16:29,020 --> 00:16:31,922 which fueled a desire that inspired a dream-- 287 00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:33,990 - Tommy: okay, we get it. - Mary: oh, for god's sakes! 288 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,029 Chippy, your sacrifice was truly a gift. 289 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,765 You opened my eyes to a whole new way of life. 290 00:16:41,766 --> 00:16:46,336 And now I give the gift of life back to you. 291 00:16:47,738 --> 00:16:50,874 - Good bye, my friend. 292 00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:54,878 Suddenly this planet doesn't seem quite so cruel, after all. 293 00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:57,614 - Oh, look! 294 00:16:57,615 --> 00:17:01,084 Look at that beautiful majestic bird-- 295 00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:02,786 - hey! Hey! 296 00:17:02,787 --> 00:17:04,654 You leave him alone-- hey, run! 297 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:08,125 Chippy, run! You-- get away from him, you winged beast! 298 00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,095 Oh, nice arm, Dick. 299 00:17:12,096 --> 00:17:13,863 Oh, my god, what have I done? 300 00:17:13,864 --> 00:17:15,899 I think you just killed that... 301 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:20,471 - "endangered peregrine falcon." - Oh! 302 00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:26,243 I'm a menace to my fellow creatures. 303 00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:29,145 Well, you can't save every living creature. 304 00:17:29,146 --> 00:17:32,149 Some live, some die, that's just life happening. 305 00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,118 That's just animals. What about us? 306 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,719 We are animals. 307 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,256 We eat like animals, sleep like animals, have sex like animals. 308 00:17:39,257 --> 00:17:43,560 - Oh yeah, especially after a bottle of tequila. - Oh, yeah. 309 00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:47,130 Just be grateful you're at the top of the food chain and nothing eats you. 310 00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:51,701 Oh, yeah? What about that shark in "jaws"? He's so scary. 311 00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:53,404 Fine, have it your way. 312 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:57,608 The whole world is just one giant savage smorgasbord. 313 00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,811 And if you don't like it, I'm afraid you're just gonna have to build a rocket 314 00:18:00,812 --> 00:18:03,113 and jet off to some kinder, gentler planet. 315 00:18:03,114 --> 00:18:05,682 Oh, yeah, no, that would be the easy way out. 316 00:18:05,683 --> 00:18:07,718 No, I have to face it. 317 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:10,353 I'm nothing more than a death machine. 318 00:18:10,354 --> 00:18:12,923 Well, you're also a life machine. 319 00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:15,458 You created a life... Tommy. 320 00:18:15,459 --> 00:18:17,261 Oh, I had nothing to do with that. 321 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:21,265 Come on, you had a little something to do with it. 322 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,934 If it weren't for you, he wouldn't be here. 323 00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,470 Well, that's true, I did bring him. 324 00:18:26,471 --> 00:18:29,272 Uh-- into this world, I mean. 325 00:18:29,273 --> 00:18:31,909 See, life has a way of balancing things out. 326 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:35,412 You're right, Mary. 327 00:18:35,413 --> 00:18:37,981 We're part of a great cycle. 328 00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:41,985 "There's a time to live, a time to die, 329 00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:44,855 a time to sow, a time to reap..." 330 00:18:44,856 --> 00:18:47,090 a time to reupholster 331 00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:49,259 and a time to keep the furnishings you have 332 00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:52,028 and just brighten them up with a few throw pillows. 333 00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:55,632 Something like that. 334 00:18:55,633 --> 00:18:57,968 You know, I'm suddenly feeling very creative. 335 00:18:57,969 --> 00:18:59,636 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 336 00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:08,912 Did you kiss that dead chipmunk? 337 00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:13,016 - Not on the lips. 338 00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:21,524 What you making? 339 00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:24,461 - A spear. - Oh. 340 00:19:24,462 --> 00:19:27,797 I'm making a sharpened stick. 341 00:19:27,798 --> 00:19:29,566 Oh, man! 342 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,669 I must have three cows worth of shoes in here. 343 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:36,973 Dick, I cannot wait for you to go on your next insane kick, so I can get all new pants. 344 00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:39,543 Oy! Did you get me a new coat? 345 00:19:39,544 --> 00:19:42,046 No, we just dug your old one out of the trash. 346 00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,315 Oh... pasta! 347 00:19:47,552 --> 00:19:49,419 August, what are you doing here? 348 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,689 "Dear sandy, 349 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:56,259 I didn't ask my girlfriend to the dance and now she's mad at me. 350 00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:01,098 It was a mistake and I'd do anything in this world to make her happy." 351 00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:05,201 Signed, "regretful in Rutherford." 352 00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:08,405 It was like the pen was connected straight to my heart. 353 00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:15,245 - See you at the dance. - See you! 354 00:20:15,246 --> 00:20:18,782 Oh... nice letter, Tommy. 355 00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:22,953 - I didn't write it. - Wh-- well, then who did? 356 00:20:22,954 --> 00:20:26,623 A scout never expects praise for a good deed. 357 00:20:26,624 --> 00:20:29,927 - Gosh, it's exactly your story, it's uncanny. - I know. 358 00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:33,196 A good deed is its own reward. 359 00:20:33,197 --> 00:20:34,764 Come on, boys, who wants meat? 360 00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:37,233 - I do, I do! - I do, I do! 361 00:20:37,234 --> 00:20:38,935 Hey... 362 00:20:38,936 --> 00:20:41,004 good scout here, 363 00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:43,840 mean that I wrote the letter. 364 00:20:43,841 --> 00:20:46,877 It was me! It was me! 365 00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:48,712 - Mmm, meat! - Yep! 366 00:20:48,713 --> 00:20:52,216 It's red, dead and corn-fed. 367 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:57,521 - What's that, lieutenant? - An ant bomb. 368 00:20:57,522 --> 00:21:00,991 - You think that's gonna kill the ants? - It's not working so far. 369 00:21:00,992 --> 00:21:03,293 Uh, could you pass the bacon? 370 00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:04,962 Oh, yeah. 371 00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,034 Here. 372 00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:12,969 Okay. 373 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,748 - Dick: come on, come on, yes. 374 00:21:24,749 --> 00:21:28,118 - You'll be safe in here with me all day. 375 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,387 Dick, where did you get that dog? 376 00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:33,289 Some old guy with dark glasses was pushing her down the sidewalk. 377 00:21:40,464 --> 00:21:44,233 Okay, that's it, you are officially out of control.