1 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:30,329 Male radio deejay: We're still taking calls on those Ufo sightings. 2 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,331 I'm on the line with Jennifer 3 00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:34,433 who claims to have actually met aliens. 4 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:38,203 Jennifer: Gary, I have been sucked up by alien spacecraft many times, 5 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,906 - Gary: Uh-oh. - and I can tell you they are among us. 6 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,342 Gary: Really? Now, what do you suppose they want? 7 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:45,811 - Jennifer: Well, they want my eggs... - Uh-huh. 8 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,813 ...to start their own alien race. 9 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,149 Gary: Whoa, thanks for calling. Hello. You're on the air. 10 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,584 Man: I saw four aliens in a car. 11 00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:56,689 - I think it was a Rambler. - Whoa, stylish. 12 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,024 - Everyone fully formed? - All: uh-huh. 13 00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:01,627 - Yeah. - Everyone got 10 fingers and 11 toes? 14 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,732 - Check. - Good. I guess we're in. Everyone comfortable? 15 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,601 I have three holes in my face. 16 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,772 Can anyone get your head to swivel to the rear? 17 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:18,410 - All: no. - Then how are you supposed to lick your back? 18 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,915 Maybe you do what they're doing? 19 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,686 Look. Life-forms, and they're cleaning each other. 20 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,522 All: aw! 21 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,524 Look at us. 22 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:35,561 I can't believe we look like them. 23 00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:37,496 - Yeah. 24 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,101 Is anybody else sweating under their breasts? 25 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:46,638 No. In fact, I don't have any. 26 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,574 I have tiny ones. 27 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:54,780 - Quick, look. 28 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,649 That woman is going to drive with her feet. 29 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,985 Don't you people have a home? 30 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:03,756 Uh, no, we don't, but thank you for the idea. 31 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,894 See? She called us people. 32 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,869 Listen. 33 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,139 - It's that signal they keep sending into space. - ♪ Louie, Louie ♪ 34 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,976 ♪ Oh, no, me gotta go ♪ 35 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,878 ♪ Aye, yi-yi-yi, I said ♪ 36 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:28,247 ♪ Louie, Louie. ♪ 37 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,750 Dick: Our home for this mission is Earth, a third-rate planet. 38 00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,453 I got a teaching job at a third-rate university. 39 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,622 Now we're looking at a third-floor apartment. 40 00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,857 Come in. Come on in. 41 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:42,361 It's the attic, so it's kind of small, but it's furnished. 42 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,597 - We love it. - Yeah, it's so much bigger than a car. 43 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,599 Yeah. We'll take it. 44 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,836 This used to be the rumpus room back in the '60s. 45 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,606 This carpet has seen more butts than Santa Claus' lap. 46 00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,179 Ooh! What is this stuff? 47 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,581 This sweater? It's angora. 48 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:06,251 Well, it's wonderful. I've never seen anything like it. 49 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,520 - Ooh! - I like the color. 50 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,023 Well, it's very nice. 51 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,726 You're not from around here, are you? 52 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:17,062 Well, Mrs. Dubcek, I can stand here and chew your fat day all day, 53 00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:20,733 but time has no manners. Bye, now. 54 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,102 Sally, I want you to observe her. 55 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,738 Find out what women on this planet do. 56 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,173 - Why can't Harry do it? - Because you're the woman. 57 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:31,043 That brings up a very good question: why am I the woman? 58 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,646 Because you lost. 59 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,350 Dick? 60 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,454 I can't see through my eyelids. 61 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,790 Open them. 62 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,893 Oh! 63 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,828 They're manual. 64 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,969 Oh, good. You're here. 65 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,438 Did you copy the mainframe in the library? 66 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,373 I got a little distracted. 67 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:05,744 - Again? What happened? - I was watching these women play volleyball, 68 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,714 and they were all jumping up and down, 69 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,650 up and down in these little shorts. 70 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,420 And some can't jump as high as the others, but it's okay. 71 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,690 It's more than okay. It's really okay. I mean-- 72 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,859 - what is wrong with you? - I don't know. 73 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:23,128 We can't leave without that information. 74 00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,297 So access the mainframe, enter the net, download, 75 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,866 and then go straight home as soon as you're finished. 76 00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,803 - Why are you talking to me like I'm a child? - You are a child. 77 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,672 - I'm older than you. - Well, now I'm bigger, 78 00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:37,276 and on this planet size matters. 79 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,778 - Good morning, Dr. Solomon. - Ah, Nina. 80 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:43,048 Here's your mail. This is nothing. Nothing. 81 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,551 This is something, but there's nothing you can do about it. 82 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,787 This is an invitation to a party at the Dean's house. This is nothing. 83 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,557 And if you don't stop staring at whatever it is you're watching, 84 00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,692 you're gonna lose something. 85 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:57,162 Tommy's just on his way to the library. Aren't you, Tommy? 86 00:04:57,163 --> 00:04:59,164 Uh, yeah, I am now. 87 00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,834 I have to go look up the word "throb." 88 00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,038 He's older than he looks. 89 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,374 - I have to file some things for you. 90 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,576 What is that? 91 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,946 It's you! You smell so nice. 92 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,481 Thanks. I try. 93 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,019 That had better be your nose. 94 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,158 Is your wife out of town? 95 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,660 Mrs. Solomon is no longer with us. 96 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:32,364 She, uh... burned up on reentry. 97 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,734 I had a boyfriend who used to burn up on reentry. 98 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,670 He walks with a limp now. 99 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,241 - Good morning, Dr. Albright. - Good morning, Nina. 100 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,077 - Good morning, Dr. Albright. - Nina, would you tell Dr. Solomon 101 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,112 he parked in my space again? 102 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:50,349 You parked in her space-- - I know. It was empty. 103 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,785 Would you tell him I'm going to have him towed? 104 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,288 Tell her I already have all the toes I need. I am fully formed. 105 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,757 That's my parking space. 106 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:01,727 Oh, so you have a car. 107 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:05,164 Nina, go to the chem lab. Tell them I sent you. 108 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,934 Get a pipe bomb, put it in Dr. Solomon's car and blow it up. 109 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,506 For future reference, I have a red Volvo. 110 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,676 Please, Dr. Albright! 111 00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,678 We barely know each other. 112 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,150 Dr. Solomon, we should get along. 113 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,420 I'm very intelligent. You have an impressive résumé. 114 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,689 I am the high commander. 115 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,025 I must admit, when I first met you, 116 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,128 I was attracted to your flamboyant nature and big head. 117 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,665 Thanks, because I almost went with a smaller one. 118 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,101 Even though I am drawn to genius, 119 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,103 this is a small office 120 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,405 and you are behaving like a big hose monkey. 121 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,241 You're not so bad yourself, woman. 122 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,210 Knock it off. 123 00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,948 What is my thesis doing out of my desk? 124 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,950 - I took it out. - My desk was locked. 125 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,452 Which made it very difficult to open. 126 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,055 You might want to make a note of that. 127 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,124 - You read it? - I memorized it. 128 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,960 Well, it's just a few thoughts. 129 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,796 - A few brilliant thoughts. - Really? 130 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,166 That's quite a compliment coming from someone with your credentials. 131 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,268 - I'm glad you enjoyed it. - Enjoyed it? 132 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,204 It's the funniest thing I've ever read. 133 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,107 Your theory on "man and the animal within," 134 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,243 it's hilarious. 135 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,378 Nina said you had no sense of humor. 136 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,380 She is so wrong. 137 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,382 The conclusions that you draw 138 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,551 are laugh-out-loud funny. 139 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,720 I see. 140 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:37,056 Dr. Solomon, you have crossed a line. 141 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,224 You have belittled my work, 142 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:43,062 and you hurt my feelings. I don't like you. 143 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,467 - I don't understand. - Of course you don't. You're a man. 144 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,302 Ha! 145 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,471 That's where you're wrong! 146 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,345 Okay, so meatloaf is bread crumbs, 147 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:02,348 - spices and ground beef? - That's it. 148 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,784 - Ground beef is essentially nothing more than a cow? - Yeah. 149 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:09,555 Well, doesn't it scream when they stuff it in the grinder? 150 00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:12,891 Oh, no. That sucker's been dead for hours. 151 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,162 I have dead cow on my hands? 152 00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:27,139 Women. 153 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,409 You can't live with them, and yet, they're everywhere. 154 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,046 So "p" itself is always even. 155 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,115 And we can write "p" equals 2s, 156 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,417 where "s" is some other integer. 157 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,819 Substituting "p," we find "p" to the second power 158 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,455 equals 2s to the second power, equals 4s to the second power, 159 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,858 equals 2q to the second power. 160 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,260 And we find? Who can tell me? Anyone? 161 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,699 Okay, I'm getting ahead of everyone. 162 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,236 - Let's simplify. How far away is Cleveland? - 52 miles. 163 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,405 - Someone give me another answer. - An hour away. 164 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,474 Cleveland is an hour away. Someone give me another answer. 165 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,344 - A $9 bus ticket. - Cleveland is $9 away. 166 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,446 A felony charge. The federal courthouse is there. 167 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,949 Yes! Cleveland is a felonious assault away. 168 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,951 Someone else. Yes, Leon. 169 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,953 Well, come on, Leon. Speak up. 170 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:18,057 No, never mind. I had this idea, but it's wrong. 171 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,160 Leon, of course it's wrong. 172 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:24,096 I mean, the odds against your being right are... 173 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,231 staggering! 174 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,734 You have a great advantage. You know the outcome. 175 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,836 You will be wrong. Don't fear it. 176 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,838 Embrace your wrongness. 177 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,307 Leon, how far away is Cleveland? 178 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,876 Cleveland is an eternity away 179 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,878 if your heart is there. 180 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:42,614 Leon, that is so provocative. 181 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,050 Where Cleveland equals "p" 182 00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:47,052 and eternity equals "q," 183 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:49,054 transposing the logarithm of the heart, 184 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,056 where the heart is an unknown, 185 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,058 we find that we are forever 186 00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,462 in Cleveland. 187 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:59,398 No, I'm sorry, Leon. You're wrong. 188 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,400 Yes, Caryn. 189 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,402 I think that Leon meant 190 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,472 that Cleveland can feel like an eternity away. 191 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,541 Oh, it's a feeling. 192 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,381 Yes, I know all about feelings. 193 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,383 Everything's just going fine, 194 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,818 and somebody has a feeling, 195 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,820 and kaboom! 196 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,889 Suddenly they don't like you. 197 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,159 I think we can all do without feelings. Who's with me? 198 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,361 Your grade depends on it. 199 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,398 Dr. Solomon, 200 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:36,068 I hope this doesn't affect my grade, but I have a thought. 201 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,337 - Yes? - You have to have feelings. 202 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,639 Feelings are like the core of the human experience. 203 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,875 The core of the human experience? 204 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,412 Of course. I never thought of that. 205 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,048 - Tomorrow, I want you all 206 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,884 to write a paper for me about feelings. 207 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,952 Tell me how it feels to use 208 00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:56,822 only 10% of your brain. 209 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,692 Ooh, everyone was awake. 210 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,728 Nina, where is Dr. Albright? I have to talk to her. 211 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:06,031 She's gone for the day, but she'll be at the Dean's party tonight. 212 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,000 Dean Sumner's party. Tell him I'll be there. 213 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:11,003 I'll drop everything and do that right now. 214 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,173 - I'm not sure how to get there. - I can pick you up. 215 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,442 That won't hurt your back? 216 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,245 I'll be in a car. 217 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,348 Good. Come by and blow the horn. 218 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,750 I love to hear people honk. 219 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,752 What, are you from mars? 220 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,455 Mars? 221 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,390 Oh, no. 222 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,580 - Hi. - Hi. 223 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,983 - You're on the volleyball team, aren't you? - Yeah, I am. 224 00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,820 I watched you jump up and down this afternoon. 225 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,024 - You're really good. - Thanks. We won. 226 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:08,193 Oh... it's a game. 227 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,195 Um, anyway, my name's-- 228 00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,464 - can I talk to you? - Come on, man. 229 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,034 May I remind you that we are not to alter 230 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,469 the lives of the inhabitants of this planet in any way? 231 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,706 Yeah, but some of them are just asking for it. 232 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:24,476 Pull it together. I'm extending our mission for one more night. 233 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,646 - Why? - I have faculty obligations. 234 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:32,384 Don't do this to me. I never sleep. I'm exhausted. 235 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,087 Besides, you don't have the authority to alter the schedule. 236 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,624 - I'm in command. - Yeah? Well, I'm in puberty, pal. 237 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:45,197 I don't care what you say. It can't be that bad. 238 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,733 I could pop at any minute. 239 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,370 Aren't you exaggerating just a little? 240 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,605 - Give me your mind for just a second. - Please. 241 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,541 Come on. Just give me your mind. 242 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,281 - Oh! That's disgusting! - I know. 243 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,316 - You think like that? - All the time. 244 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,819 We've gotta get you out of here. 245 00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:12,725 - Dick, what are you doing? - I'm unpacking. 246 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:15,527 I've changed my mind. We're going to stay a little longer. 247 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,529 I'm a dead man. 248 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,832 Oh, d-- w-w-w-- whoa, that's mine. 249 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,101 Be careful. It's, uh... 250 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,903 very valuable. 251 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,873 You know, I have an urge to hold that. 252 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,209 - That's exactly what it's for. - May I? 253 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,978 Please. 254 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,481 - I find this very satisfying. - I know. 255 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,716 - I like this. - I know. 256 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,854 I wonder what Dr. Albright is doing right now. 257 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:44,857 Give that back. Let's break it up here. 258 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:48,027 I will be so glad to get out of this body. 259 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,029 - What are you doing? - I'm unpacking. 260 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,532 - The commander wants to stay a little while longer. - What for? 261 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,601 Because we can't leave yet. 262 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:59,238 Did you know that our bodies can produce feelings? 263 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,374 I got a whole lot of them from Dr. Albright this afternoon. 264 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,710 - Really? - Yes. And I'm going to a party 265 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,446 to see if I can get a little tonight. 266 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,381 Oh, Dick, no. 267 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,817 I'm telling you, it's a crime against science 268 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,952 not to experiment with ourselves. 269 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,954 Couldn't we just conduct these experiments 270 00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,956 in the privacy of our own home? 271 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,392 - What can she do that I can't? - Lieutenant. 272 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,428 - What? - Permission to speak freely? 273 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,296 - Permission granted. - Sir, 274 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,999 would you jump up and down for us? 275 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,735 Oh, yeah, and put your hands 276 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,870 back behind your head like this. 277 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,840 - I will not. - Please, for science, truly. 278 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,011 No. It's not that I don't want to help. 279 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,580 It's just that I don't know how comfortable we would feel 280 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,582 working together after an experiment like that. 281 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,352 - It'll be fine. - Go ahead. Do it. 282 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,854 - In your dreams! - Every night. 283 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:52,157 - Look, absolutely not. - Okay, fine. 284 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,494 You leave me no other choice. Now we have to experiment at a party. 285 00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,965 Listen to me. Women are trouble. I should know. 286 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,868 - I've been one for two weeks. - I know. 287 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,870 Which brings up another point. 288 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,406 I command you to shave under your arms. 289 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,342 Doable. 290 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,178 I'm sorry you find me so offensive. 291 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,414 Damn it, pull yourself together, man! 292 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,051 - We're going out. - Okay. 293 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,087 - Okay. Give me an hour. - An hour? 294 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:25,057 Yeah. I gotta rotate these. 295 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,992 It's a party. 296 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,934 Dr. Solomon, how nice to see you. 297 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,604 - Good evening, Mrs. Sumner. - Won't you come in? 298 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,306 If you'll back up. 299 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,977 Please forgive Sally. She's not from Ohio. 300 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,647 Ooh, I love where you've put these walls. 301 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,649 May I take your coat? 302 00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,618 If I can keep my pants. 303 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,490 Listen, I want you to keep an eye on this Albright experiment. 304 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,492 Yeah, sure. What are these? 305 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,662 Crustaceans. I mean, Dick is endangering this entire mission. 306 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,899 - Mm-hmm, right. And these? - Unborn fowl. 307 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,735 I'm beginning to question his ability to command. 308 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,737 Yeah, too bad. And these are? 309 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,739 - Cocktail weenies. - Cocktail weenies. 310 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:17,009 I've seen these before. They should be bigger. 311 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,379 Nina, right? 312 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,381 Oh, hi, Sally. Nice dress. 313 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,351 - It's just something I threw on. - Yeah. 314 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,886 Well, you almost missed. 315 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,958 - Uh, hello. Here I am. - Yes, there you are. 316 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:36,228 - Dr. Albright, I've been thinking about us all day. - I haven't. 317 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,597 I want to try again. 318 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,533 I want very much to feel, 319 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,903 and I want, even more, to be felt, 320 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,106 and I mean that from the heart of my bottom. 321 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,641 Well, yours up. 322 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,046 No, I wouldn't do that. 323 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,982 I mean-- I'm new at this. 324 00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,385 You see, I've been getting a feeling, 325 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,387 and I'm trying to identify it. 326 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,889 Rub it. Maybe it'll go away. 327 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,892 I just want to make it feel better. 328 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,928 Well, you could start by saying "I'm sorry." 329 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:13,599 - Okay, I'm sorry. - You could say it as if you meant it. 330 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,502 Oh, of course. 331 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,371 Dr. Albright, I'm very sorry. 332 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,074 Thank you. 333 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,343 That felt great. 334 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,246 Let's do it again. 335 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,848 Dr. Albright, I'm very sorry. 336 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,485 Oh! 337 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,055 Ooh! Ohh! 338 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,224 - Get away from me! - What did I not do right? 339 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,393 - Go away! - I don't understand! 340 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,765 What do you think? They seem to have greater power 341 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,501 when they collide. I'm not wrong, am I? 342 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,404 Sally, will you excuse us for a moment? 343 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,306 Come on, girls. 344 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,275 Let's go. 345 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,682 - You're coming on to me. - I have no idea what that means. 346 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,918 It's all right. It's in my thesis. 347 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,554 It's basic animal attraction. 348 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,723 We all have the animal within. 349 00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:14,760 Some are one swing closer to the tree. 350 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,365 I've see you preen and strut around the office. 351 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,168 I admit... 352 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,137 I like it. 353 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,108 Are you planning to do something important 354 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,110 with your mouth tonight? 355 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,278 Because you've painted it bright red. 356 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,314 This always happens. 357 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,483 Dr. Erdman had a thing for me. 358 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,285 Dr. Wallach, Dr. Zucker, Dr. Thomas, 359 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,522 the guy from Cornell who was here for a week. That was insane. 360 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,524 E-excuse me. 361 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,527 I have a sudden urge to clean you. 362 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,439 Oh! 363 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,956 Oh, Dr. Albright. 364 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,892 I was just thinking of you. 365 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,133 Thanks for the weenies. 366 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,969 Good night, Dr. Solomon. Thank you so much for coming. 367 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,072 Good night. 368 00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:42,448 Man on radio: ♪ Spinning through space ♪ 369 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,987 ♪ The smile upon your face ♪ 370 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,391 ♪ Welcome to the human race, yeah... ♪ 371 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,460 what a terrific evening. 372 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,628 I just had a great time. Didn't you? 373 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,331 Whatever. 374 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,401 I think this is the most incredible place we've ever been. 375 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,170 The people are so... complex. 376 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:08,474 I love them. I just think they're wonderful. 377 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,442 You probed her, didn't you? 378 00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,980 I might have scanned her a little. 379 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,684 I think we've underestimated the life on this planet. 380 00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,754 The people have so much courage. 381 00:20:21,755 --> 00:20:24,323 Here they are, hurling through space on a molten rock 382 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,492 at 67,000 miles an hour, 383 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,995 and the only thing that keeps them from flying out of their shoes is... 384 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,798 their misplaced faith in gravity. 385 00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,867 I'm so glad we're staying. 386 00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:37,336 I want to find out what else they know, 387 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:40,272 what makes them happy, how they raise their young, 388 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,608 what happens when they die, 389 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,678 why they call themselves the human race. 390 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,780 Did they think someone's going to win? 391 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:52,484 Ooh, look. A shooting star. 392 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:56,388 I think this is going to be our greatest mission. 393 00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:00,125 Yeah, he probed her, all right. 394 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:06,532 ♪ Isn't that a lovely ride? ♪ 395 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,367 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 396 00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:12,271 ♪ Sliding down and gliding down ♪ 397 00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:15,874 ♪ And try not to try too hard ♪ 398 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,378 ♪ It's just a lovely ride. ♪