1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:03,971
Live television?
2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,204
Who cares?
3
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:06,940
Who cares? Everybody.
4
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,243
- We love live TV.
- Do we, Lemon?
5
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,145
Do you really love the
overzealous studio audience
6
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:13,580
who will applaud at anything?
7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:19,286
Here in the greatest city on
earth, New York, baby? Whassup?
8
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:25,271
Wait, what are you saying, Jack?
9
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,560
'Cause "TGS" is live.
10
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:29,062
Not anymore. It's
financially impractical.
11
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:32,065
From now on, you write and shoot
the whole season in two weeks.
12
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,602
Just like "wheel of
fortune" and, uh, fox news.
13
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,071
No. I mean, I
grew up on live TV.
14
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,973
In my parent's basement
on a Friday night.
15
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,842
A telethon, a cheese steak.
16
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:45,112
I can see it like
it was yesterday.
17
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,446
Best...
18
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,553
Best sweet 16 ever.
19
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:56,590
I'm gonna lose my
virginity in nine years.
20
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,859
"TGS" has to be live
21
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,128
or we'll lose all the
excitement and spontaneity.
22
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:03,163
I mean, that's the
beauty of live TV.
23
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,365
Anything can happen.
24
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,200
There's a bathroom
in here you can use,
25
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:10,671
Kabletown co-worker
Kim Kardashian.
26
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,544
See? Awesome.
27
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,347
Yes, but my way is cheaper,
28
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,883
and you only have to work
two weeks out of the year.
29
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,385
- I want to go to there.
- Jack: Yeah.
30
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,488
So it's settled. Tonight will
be "TGS'" final live show.
31
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:32,726
What? No, live television
is an American tradition.
32
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,161
You can't just throw it away.
33
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,630
Sorry, Kenneth,
it's a done deal.
34
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:40,701
Our last live show? No.
35
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:47,841
♪ Let's go it's the 30 rock
live show for pacific time ♪
36
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,877
♪ that is true we'll
prove it's up to you ♪
37
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,681
♪ I'll sing the latest
news from the NFL draft ♪
38
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,149
♪ five four three two bang ♪
39
00:01:56,383 --> 00:02:01,088
♪ the niners drafted wide
receiver aj Jenkins ♪♪
40
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,094
Hazel: Hey, there's a
rumor that's spreading
41
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,029
like wildfire around here.
42
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,098
But unlike the
wildfires I've started,
43
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:13,834
this one doesn't
sexually arouse me.
44
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,403
Yes, Hazel, it's true.
This is our last live show.
45
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,238
But don't worry,
it won't affect you.
46
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,807
Unless my plan all
along was to run on Stage
47
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,810
during the middle of a sketch
and get discovered by Hollywood.
48
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:34,187
Liz, important me-nnouncement.
49
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,256
Paul and I have
decided to get married.
50
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,824
Oh. Wow.
51
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,460
And I told him to
propose tonight on tg...
52
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,663
- Absolutely not!
- You didn't let me finish.
53
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,531
S.
54
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,867
Come on, Jenna,
it's our last live show.
55
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,836
Exactly, and if Jenna
Maroney is getting engaged,
56
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,705
it's gonna be on live TV.
57
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,509
I've been working on my
reaction since I was three.
58
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,819
It's happening, Liz.
59
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,855
Miss Lemon, Mr. Jordan
just discovered
60
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,624
he can get pornography
on the Internet.
61
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,493
Oh, my god. He's
gonna die in there.
62
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,032
What's going on?
63
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,435
You called a meeting, Lemon?
64
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:23,804
Actually, I called it.
65
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,037
Gasp!
66
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:27,573
- What's going on?
- What?
67
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,276
Live television is sacred,
68
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,011
and we are not leaving this room
69
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:34,581
until the 12 of us have
agreed to defend her.
70
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,950
There is a great American play
71
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:40,353
that was first written and
performed for live television.
72
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,189
It's called "12 angry men."
73
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,292
No, we're not debating this
like a jury. Shut him down, Jack.
74
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:47,894
"12 angry men" is
preposterous, Kenneth.
75
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:51,598
Eleven decent Americans are
swayed by Jane Fonda's father?
76
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,033
Open that door.
77
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,903
- Jack: No, don't...
- All: No!
78
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,949
How long do you think you're
gonna get away with this?
79
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,442
Jenna or Hazel will
notice we're missing.
80
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,078
Have an amazing
show tonight, everyone.
81
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,546
I love you all.
82
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,215
Tonight's the night, Hazel.
83
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,016
I do my surprise cameo,
84
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,385
it goes viral, I
take medicine for it.
85
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,821
Next stop, Hollywood, Florida,
86
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,523
to get the car from my mom.
87
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,459
Next stop, California,
pizza kitchen,
88
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,895
and tell my old boss,
Nadine, to suck it.
89
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,563
Next stop, tinseltown,
90
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,597
because Christmas
decorations are really cheap
91
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,868
this time of the year.
92
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,571
Nothing brings our country
together like live television.
93
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,307
And studio 6h is
part of that tradition.
94
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,978
Why, it was right here that
NBC broadcast the final episode
95
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,113
of the 1950s classic,
96
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,449
"the lovebirds."
97
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:45,519
Narrator: It's the kraft product
placement comedy hour
98
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,054
sponsored by kraft singles.
99
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,224
Made with milk, it's the
cheese that won world war ll.
100
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,225
Don't ask how.
101
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,594
And now, "the lovebirds."
102
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:58,865
Starring cubby gilmore
and Loretta fields.
103
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,002
I'm home, baby.
104
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,271
And I could eat a horse.
105
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:10,110
Don't you dare touch that
bacon till it's done, Larry.
106
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:18,185
Ooo-boy.
107
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,520
Oh, brother, now I'm
cookin' a Turkey, too.
108
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,322
Ah, that's rich.
109
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:23,824
One of these days, Doris,
110
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,525
I'm makin' a shotgun and blam!
111
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,261
Blow your face off.
112
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,397
It would still be better
than our honeymoon.
113
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,433
What was wrong
with Niagara Falls?
114
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,203
Your mother found it chilly.
115
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,004
You're a real cut-up.
116
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,674
In fact, one of these days
I'm gonna cut you up in pieces
117
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,443
and feed you to
the neighbor's dogs.
118
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,188
It'll be the first time
you've taken me out
119
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,380
for dinner in years.
120
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:51,051
Ah, you keep it up,
Doris, and bang, zoom,
121
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,604
I'm gonna drown
you in the bathtub
122
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,188
and say a mental patient did it.
123
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,557
Like I always say...
124
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,128
That's a funny thing to say.
125
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,965
This is real. Real heart attack.
126
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,767
Uh, here! Eat the bacon.
127
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,336
It'll lubricate your heart.
128
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:10,804
Ride it out.
129
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,073
Ride it to hell!
130
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,443
Now, come on now,
Larry. Don't be a sissy.
131
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,246
I'm having a heart attack, too.
132
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,047
My marriage is a sham.
133
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:24,050
I got syphilis from Orson Wells.
134
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,622
Hello.
135
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,427
I'm Dr. Harold Spaceman.
136
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,997
I'm known in the industry
as the "gay doctor,"
137
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,733
because I always
have a smile on my face.
138
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:43,637
Because I have so
many homosexual lovers.
139
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,539
Are you a modern woman
who is in the family way?
140
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,541
Smoke chattertons cigarettes.
141
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,444
Your baby's lungs
need refreshing nicotine
142
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,812
for science reasons.
143
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,116
And his growing bones
need tar to hold them together.
144
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,218
Nine out of ten
doctors surveyed said,
145
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,331
"you have a lot of nerve
calling here, Spaceman,
146
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,823
after what you tried
on my nephew."
147
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,327
♪ Chattertons tastes
so cool and mild ♪
148
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,730
♪ a treat for you and
your unborn child ♪♪
149
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:16,536
Man: Official cigarette of the
American heart association.
150
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,144
Jenna, remember that package
151
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,313
you gave me to take to
Singapore last summer?
152
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,416
I just got out of changi prison.
153
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:34,220
Aw, thank you. Just
portion control and exercise.
154
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,590
Paul!
155
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,527
Did you pick up...
156
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,862
Did you pick up the ring?
157
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,664
Liza minnelli's baby tooth
158
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,733
surrounded by rubies
that passed through
159
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,336
a terrified Michael kors.
160
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,773
It'll look amazing on camera.
161
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,343
Look, I don't want
to propose on TV.
162
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:57,944
I, I want it to be private.
163
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,412
What are you saying, Paul?
164
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,215
Rick santorum is right, Jenna.
165
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:05,251
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman.
166
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,721
Which is why I'm
asking you right now
167
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,589
to make me the
luckiest schman on the...
168
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,424
Wait, no!
169
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,562
Look, I'm sorry to play the
biological woman card here,
170
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:19,032
but according to
roe v. Dwyane Wade,
171
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,568
I have a right to choose
172
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,404
and I choose a
televised proposal.
173
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,574
If you can't give me that, I'm
not sure what my answer will be.
174
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,743
Are you giving me an ultimatum?
175
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,745
Look, I am the man here, Jenna.
176
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,781
I may have a dress and
a wig and a gynecologist,
177
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,383
but I am the man.
178
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,357
Without live TV,
179
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,793
think of the amazing moments
we would have missed.
180
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,261
The moon landing.
181
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:49,495
The Beatles.
182
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,197
"The voice" results show.
183
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,299
Uh, that time
Mr. Lutz was an extra,
184
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,035
and he got so
nervous he threw up.
185
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,268
No, don't remind him.
186
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:01,574
I had a lobster roll
and two yogurts.
187
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:06,713
And what about Joey
Montero's old variety show?
188
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,548
Why, he was just
like you, Mr. Jordan,
189
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,383
because he did not
want to rehearse,
190
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:14,454
and he wanted to leave
as soon as possible.
191
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:22,629
All: Ladies and
gentlemen, Joey Montero.
192
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,968
♪ Que facciamo con questo ♪
193
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:32,005
♪ my love is nowhere in sight ♪
194
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,841
♪ que facciamo con questo ♪
195
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,578
♪ I ask the moon every night ♪♪
196
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,514
Ha-ho! We've got a
great show for you tonight.
197
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,826
And even if we don't there's
only two other channels,
198
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,286
so who cares?
199
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,489
I tell you, I feel great. I
slept like a baby last night.
200
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:53,193
I woke up crying with
a boob in my mouth.
201
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,797
Okay, that was the joke stuff.
202
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,866
Alright, here comes a lady.
203
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,702
Hello, Joey, I'm
dusty Springfield.
204
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,571
Sure, let's go with that.
205
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:08,241
♪ When I said I needed you ♪
206
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,210
I need you too, baby.
207
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,647
♪ You said you
would always stay ♪
208
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,583
I can see inside your mouth.
209
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:21,121
♪ It wasn't me who
changed but you ♪
210
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,223
♪ and now you've gone away ♪
211
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,825
Are we on a boat?
212
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,094
That's plenty. Donkey
springbeam everybody.
213
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,797
♪ You don't have
to stay forever ♪
214
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,999
♪ just be close at hand ♪♪
215
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,168
Where's the gang
going tonight, fellas?
216
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,704
Jack Dempsey's steakhouse?
217
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,873
You're invited too,
deedee stringbean.
218
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,609
Bring cab fare for
the morning though.
219
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:45,278
Oh, I just burped up
some clams casino
220
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,547
which is weird because I
didn't even have any. Huh.
221
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,350
Well, hello there, glasses.
222
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,219
Glamor. Excitement.
223
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,522
What we today
would call alcoholism.
224
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,423
Live TV had everything.
225
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,959
Well, not everything. Where
were the black people?
226
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,427
- Oh.
- What?
227
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,896
Uh, actually, Mr. Spurlock,
228
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,199
NBC had the first two black
characters on television.
229
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:07,432
Sort of.
230
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,269
For "Alfie and Abner," NBC hired
231
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,671
one African-American
and one Caucasian,
232
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,716
because they thought two
black people on the same show
233
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,108
would make the audience nervous.
234
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,877
A rule NBC still uses today.
235
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,251
Abner, I'm home from work.
236
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,120
Where are you, my brother?
237
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,722
Here I is, Alfie.
238
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,597
Oh, hell no. I'm not doin' this.
239
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,935
NBC received a lot of complaints
240
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,737
that the show wasn't
on often enough.
241
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:49,309
So they forced Theodore
Freeman to honor his contract.
242
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,979
Alfie, I's done
stole dis catfish!
243
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,415
Sir, I am asking you
as a human being,
244
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,418
to please stop
talking like that.
245
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:02,055
I'm gonna eat it
till I'm belly-full.
246
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,557
This is debasing
to the both of us.
247
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,926
I was a tuskegee airman.
248
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,829
Zip-a-Dee-goo-goo.
249
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,598
You may anger me, but I believe
250
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,900
non-violence is
the path to change.
251
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:17,270
And I believes you can
catch a rainbow in yo hat.
252
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:20,873
I'll kill you, you
ignorant cracker!
253
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,911
Believe it or not, they did
not stop doing the show,
254
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:29,215
which made for tense
but thrilling live TV.
255
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,057
Banjo!
256
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,634
Kenneth.
257
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,144
Kenneth, I've frankly lost track
258
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,546
of what you're trying
to convince us of
259
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,972
with these detailed
descriptions of TV shows.
260
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,941
Thank you.
261
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:58,144
Come on, Kenneth, times
change. Television replaced radio.
262
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,979
Cars replaced horses.
263
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,814
Not where I'm from.
264
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:05,184
Are you telling me the mayor
of your hometown is a car?
265
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,653
That's pretty weird.
266
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,922
Why are you laughing at me?
267
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:13,559
Okay. Let's all
take a little break.
268
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:19,465
Hello. I'm test tube
adult, Dr. Leo Spaceman.
269
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,101
Did your mother smoke
chatterton cigarettes while pregnant
270
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,404
during the 1950s or '60s?
271
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,140
If she did, you
probably can't hear me
272
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,942
because of fetal
chatterton syndrome.
273
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,878
Turn up the volume!
274
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,247
Recent studies have shown that
275
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,482
while pregnancy is disgusting,
276
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,385
babies do not
need tar or nicotine.
277
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,555
If you are currently suffering
from chatterton syndrome,
278
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,757
clap your feet, until
your service monkey
279
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,260
dials the number below.
280
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,896
Then use the rectum you
have instead of a mouth
281
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,265
to say something like "wrulgh"
282
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,233
or "thunghth"
283
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,169
to signify that you wish to join
284
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:59,505
a class action suit
against chattertons.
285
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,375
♪ If your mother
smoked chattertons ♪
286
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:06,412
♪ your sexual organs
are covered in bone ♪♪
287
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,620
Alright, this is idiotic.
We've got a show to do and...
288
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,923
Oh, my god, Kenneth. My period.
289
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:20,226
It's a-gonna blow.
290
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:24,030
We both know you're not
due for another nine days.
291
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:26,699
And I'm ashamed
of you, miss Lemon.
292
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:29,102
Oh, think about your
hero, Rosemary Howard.
293
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,239
She wrote for the edgiest
live variety show of all time,
294
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,175
"the Gruber brother and nipsey."
295
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,246
Hey, nipsey, what do you get
296
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,281
when you cross a lady
driver with a viet cong?
297
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,750
I don't know, Dickie.
298
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:47,019
What do you get when you
cross a lady driver with a viet cong?
299
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,822
A hundred thousand
senseless dents.
300
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,056
Do it to it.
301
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:54,093
Do it to it.
302
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,496
Do it to it.
303
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,032
Do it to it.
304
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,035
Now, as you know, nipsey...
305
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,638
I'm the first streaker!
306
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,040
Streaking's the new thing.
307
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,143
We touched penises.
308
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,188
Narrator: We
interrupt this program
309
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,548
to bring you an NBC
news special report.
310
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:16,782
From Rockefeller center,
311
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:20,019
Chet Huntley and David Brinkley.
312
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:24,056
Good evening. NBC
news has learned...
313
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,259
NBC news has learned
that less than an hour ago
314
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,362
there was an explosion
aboard the Apollo 13 spacecraft.
315
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,664
- David?
- Thank you, Chet.
316
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,133
- Chet?
- Thank you, David.
317
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,736
We are awaiting further
information. David?
318
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:39,705
Thank you, Chet. Let's go to the
manned space center in Houston
319
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,942
and our reporter on the
scene, Mr. Jamie garnett.
320
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,912
- Jamie?
- Thank you, Chet and David.
321
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,613
I'm sorry, sweetheart,
could you move
322
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,015
out of the way of our camera?
323
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:52,218
We need to talk to our new
reporter there, Jamie garnett.
324
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,519
Now, where is he?
325
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:54,921
I'm Jamie garnett, gentlemen.
326
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,790
I spoke earlier with NASA
flight director glynn lunney.
327
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:01,093
Listen, doll, you're
not making any sense.
328
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,463
You're probably hysterical
from menstruation.
329
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,032
Go lie down and make
sure you get plenty of iron.
330
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,034
Maybe eat a ham salad.
331
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,770
Also I'm... being told that
commander James Lovell is...
332
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,905
Look, honey, you
have a dynamite shape,
333
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,316
but you're gonna have to shut up
334
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,109
and let a man tell
us what's happening.
335
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:21,481
Now, is, is your father
or a policeman nearby?
336
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:25,051
Now, where did you find that
microphone, sugar mouth?
337
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:26,764
Was it just lying
there on the ground?
338
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,254
Where is Jamie garnett?
339
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,457
This just in, the NBC
male news reporter
340
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,292
Jamie garnett is missing
341
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,695
I'm right here, you mother...
342
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:39,031
Classic live television.
343
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,469
And while they never
found Jamie garnett
344
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,038
that woman who stole
his microphone went on
345
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,174
to become a wife.
346
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:52,445
Has Paul not come back?
He's not answering his phone.
347
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,480
- What have I done?
- Calm down.
348
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,984
Paul's gone, but you're getting
proposed to on the show tonight.
349
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:00,520
By me! This is New
York state, bitch.
350
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,523
Anyone can marry anything now.
351
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:04,876
- What? But...
- Oh, come on.
352
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,759
Think about what
great TV this will be.
353
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,361
It's everything you want.
354
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,596
No, it's not.
355
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,732
Paul is everything I want.
356
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:16,335
He's the reason to
get married, not TV.
357
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,170
Rick santorum was right.
358
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,939
How could I have been so blind?
359
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,841
Because you're
a horrible person.
360
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:27,013
Aw, thank you, just portion
control and lots of water.
361
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:33,586
All in favor of
keeping "TGS" live?
362
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,522
It's still not unanimous.
And it never will be.
363
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:39,158
This is a business, Kenneth,
and if live TV went away
364
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,061
the only thing that would change
would be NBC's profit margin.
365
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:45,197
That's not true, Jackie D.
366
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,166
Live TV changed my life.
367
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,468
In 1986, my church dance crew
368
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,637
performed at a
regional telethon.
369
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,439
It was my big break.
370
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,707
Flashback.
371
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,380
This is for you, Jesus.
372
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,688
Ow!
373
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,624
Oh, my coccyx!
374
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:12,925
It's not funny.
375
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:17,396
Coccyx is the scientific
term for your butt bone.
376
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,298
Why are you all laughing?
377
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,733
Why are you...
378
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,935
Oh, I like it.
379
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,039
Coccyx. Coccyx.
380
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,353
Hey, what do you call this?
381
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:31,410
This is the garry-o-many core.
382
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,215
Oh, my god.
383
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,251
Oh, my god. I remember that.
384
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:40,485
That was you?
385
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:44,423
That's when I realized
I was a ridiculous man.
386
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,125
Tracy, I was there.
387
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,693
As a lower-level ge employee.
388
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,862
I was answering
phones at that telethon.
389
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,665
When you took off your clothes,
they cut to the phone Banks.
390
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:55,334
Gasp! I made a
hilarious prank call
391
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,303
to that telethon.
392
00:18:57,536 --> 00:18:59,271
Wait, did the man who answered
393
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:02,041
sound like he had the piercing
Blue eyes of an ice dragon?
394
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:03,376
Yes.
395
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:08,914
Hello, I'd like to speak
to general electric.
396
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:12,652
Madam, I'm afraid...
397
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,456
I'm afraid you're confused.
398
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,891
I was a nurse in the war
399
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,661
and I met him when
he was just a Colonel.
400
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,597
He's the father of my child.
401
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,733
General electric
is not a person.
402
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,703
Toby, come talk to your father.
403
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:34,040
Daddy, it's your
son, Toby electric.
404
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,543
Alright, whoever this is,
405
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:40,546
no one, no one jokes
down general electric.
406
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,050
Yeah, except your
mom last night.
407
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,952
If I ever get my thick...
408
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:55,293
Do you...
409
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,866
Manly hands on you,
I will roast you alive
410
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,202
in an oven I designed
myself, using two,
411
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,571
no, three kinds of heat.
412
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,174
I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it.
413
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,713
Watching you get
all red-faced on TV,
414
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,781
that was the night
I found my calling...
415
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,583
Sticking it to the man.
416
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,886
You know what? That
night changed my life, too.
417
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,723
Don Geiss saw my
loyalty/handsomeness
418
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,825
and the day, he promoted
me out of poisons
419
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,827
and into microwaves.
420
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,696
Live TV made us all
what we are today.
421
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,732
- Oh...
- No need to take another vote.
422
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,233
"TGS" is meant to be live.
423
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,068
To make it profitable,
we'll just do more
424
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,037
sponsored product placement.
425
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:39,514
You should do it
with the upcoming
426
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:41,018
Warner brothers
movie, "rock of ages,"
427
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,607
based on the hit
"Broadway musical."
428
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,343
Rocking a theater
near you, June 15th!
429
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,946
Tom Cruise sings! Heh heh.
430
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,382
Or I'll just pay you all less.
431
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:53,986
- Kenneth, let us out of here!
- Ugh...
432
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,722
All: Yay!
433
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,428
Paul didn't come.
434
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:03,863
I ruined everything.
435
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,097
Yeah, you blew it.
436
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,099
So, I'll just jump
out at some point
437
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:09,335
and lez it up with you?
438
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:10,568
- Okay.
- Yes.
439
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,606
Okay, we're live in five, four,
440
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,908
three, Krang!
441
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,321
Narrator: And now,
"prince William and prince:
442
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,447
Time-traveling fart detectives."
443
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,883
Yeah... Take that, the man!
444
00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:27,219
Prince, do you smell
something fishy?
445
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,754
Wait. Who's that dude?
446
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:33,492
♪ Zou bisou bisou ♪
447
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:37,196
♪ zou bisou bisou ♪
448
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:38,664
♪ zou bisou bisou ♪
449
00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:40,466
♪ zou bisou zou bisou ♪
450
00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:44,303
♪ zou bisou zou bisou ♪♪
451
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,574
Jenna Maroney, you're the woman
452
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:49,975
I wanna grow old with.
453
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:53,212
"Old" being an acronym
for oxylaprodexatrin.
454
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,381
It's a hallucinogenic
plant extract
455
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:58,050
that makes sex terrifying.
456
00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,820
I wanna spend the rest of
my life making you happy,
457
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:02,253
and that's why I'm asking you,
458
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:04,890
on TV, to marry me.
459
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:07,726
Oh, Paul.
460
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,363
No, no, a million times no.
461
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,399
Not like this!
462
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,634
I was wrong. You were right.
463
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:17,903
I don't wanna get
married for publicity.
464
00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:19,772
I wanna get married for you,
465
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:23,642
and so you can't testify
against me in court.
466
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:27,246
I still don't know
what's goin' down?
467
00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,222
Wow!
468
00:22:36,455 --> 00:22:38,591
Wow, 2.5 million
people just saw that.
469
00:22:38,824 --> 00:22:42,061
Uh, now 14 million people
just saw it. You're welcome.
470
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:44,563
Oh, and also, I
broke your toilet.
471
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,843
Thank you to Lorne Michaels,
Kim Kardashian, Jon Hamm,
472
00:22:58,077 --> 00:23:00,946
Brian Williams, Jimmy Fallon,
Amy poehler, Fred armisen,
473
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,249
Chris Parnell, will
forte, Donald Glover,
474
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:04,984
Kristen schaal,
Cheyenne Jackson,
475
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:07,753
Beth McCarthy-Miller
and Cindy Burnett.
476
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,222
SNL crew, I love you.
"30 rock" crew, I love you!
477
00:23:10,456 --> 00:23:11,790
Watch "parks and rec!"
478
00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:16,295
Written and directed
tonight by Amy poehler.