1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,546 - Here are all my receipts. 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,173 - Look, I don't need these, Liz. 3 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,217 Your tax return is the same every year. 4 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:08,926 - Actually, I'll have you know 5 00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,887 that this has been a year of change, Howard. 6 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,639 I joined an over-40 dance team, 7 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,371 I started eating the lettuce on my plate under my onion rings, 8 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,728 and I have taken up meditation thanks to my boyfriend Criss. 9 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,524 - Yeah, do you remember what you said to me last year? 10 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,401 - This has been a year of change, Howard. 11 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,987 I'm actually eating the onion part of my onion rings, 12 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,573 I started journaling thanks to my exciting relationship 13 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,492 with Carol, who is a man. 14 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,245 Although we have done nothing that lesbians could not do. 15 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,120 - Uh-huh. 16 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,681 Do you remember what you said to me last year? 17 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,624 - I bought a restaurant-grade onion ringer, 18 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,709 and I'm having a go at cycling, 19 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,587 thanks to my boyfriend Wesley, whom I hate. 20 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,589 Have I never washed this sweater? 21 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,776 - Look, there's nothing wrong with being predictable. 22 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,600 Every morning I get up and come to this office 23 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,178 while my wife cheats on me with Jared. 24 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,470 - Well, you're wrong. 25 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,348 I bought a meditation stool, and... 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,102 Both: This year's gonna be different. 27 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,567 Jack, am I just in a permanent rut? 28 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,211 - I don't have time for your nonsense, Lemon. 29 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:08,735 I'm working. 30 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,088 I know this doesn't look like work, 31 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,072 but are you familiar with the shower principle? 32 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,031 - I remember Mrs. Doyle 33 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,551 pulling me aside to talk about it 34 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,784 in the seventh grade. - Uh, no. 35 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,836 The shower principle is a term scientists use 36 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,247 to describe moments of inspiration that occur 37 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:22,600 when the brain is distracted from the problem at hand. 38 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,626 For example, when you're showering. 39 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,521 - I was in the shower when I finally got the title 40 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:27,545 of the movie face off. 41 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,339 Face off, face off. 42 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,799 - Exactly. 43 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,801 If the cerebral cortex is distracted, 44 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,386 by showering or putting, 45 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,096 then another part of the brain, 46 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:39,057 the anterior superior temporal gyrus is activated. 47 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:43,103 This is the site of sudden cognitive inspiration. 48 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,063 Nerd alert, nerd alert. 49 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,610 - The problem at hand is this man, 50 00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:50,986 my boss, Hank Hooper. 51 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,529 - Kabletown has grown a lot 52 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490 over the years, but it's still a family company 53 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,118 with a very simple goal... 54 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,410 To entertain folks. 55 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,954 That's all people want. 56 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,123 To sit on their sofas... 57 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,708 Oh, why am I putting on airs? 58 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,168 To sit on their couches, 59 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,211 and hear stories. Here's one. 60 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,005 1968. 61 00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,549 We were on patrol somewhere near the Cambodian border. 62 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,427 - Uh, we can skip this part. 63 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:16,928 - So we boiled the skull, 64 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,555 and made a tea kettle out of it. 65 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:24,269 My point is, I believe that slow and steady wins the race. 66 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,980 We don't take risks. We make profits. 67 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,984 So now, let's get this dog fashion show started! 68 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,862 "Everyone hide your bones." 69 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,366 "Dogbeard the pirate just sailed into woof harbor." 70 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:38,658 - Ugh. 71 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,136 You know what else Hank announced at that meeting? 72 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,160 Record profits. 73 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:42,970 - Really? Can we start getting real soda? 74 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,499 Because I think corka-coola brand diet banana lime 75 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,209 causes "tum nungnuss." - No. 76 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,621 And do you know what Hank wants to do with that money? 77 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,129 Pay a shareholder dividend. 78 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,675 Meanwhile, the Kabletown blimp is in such disrepair, 79 00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:58,136 we got a "jeers" in corporate blimps weekly. 80 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,555 I want to use that money to transform this company, 81 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,808 but first I have to convince Hank Hooper, 82 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,811 a white man who still buys Cadillacs. 83 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,106 I just need the right idea. 84 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,608 - Do you think a year ago today 85 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,777 we were having this same conversation? 86 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,171 Because it sure feels like it. 87 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:15,696 - Probably. 88 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,531 And knowing you, as you were leaving 89 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,908 you did something comically undignified. 90 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,661 - Well, not this time, friend. 91 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,747 Whoa, golf balls! - Lemon! 92 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:45,600 ♪ ♪ 93 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,827 - Why is all the healthy food on the top shelf today? 94 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,328 - Cut it out, you perverts. 95 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,620 I know what you're doing. 96 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,165 It's the first warm day of the year, 97 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,601 and women are starting to take off their winter clothes... 98 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:11,960 - good morning! 99 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,837 Eyes down here, boys. 100 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,547 I have breasts, you know. 101 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,506 - Nope, Hazel. 102 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:17,382 Button up. 103 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,301 Cerie, put on one of my soup ponchos. 104 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,844 This happens every spring, 105 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,856 and it makes Jenna feel threatened, and old, 106 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,053 and she takes it out on me 107 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:24,931 and the show. 108 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,559 Every year she... 109 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,227 Every year. 110 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:34,316 The same thing happens every year. 111 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,444 - Take a picture, it'll last longer. 112 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,237 Here you go. 113 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,911 Hey, Liz, at 11:00 we have... 114 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,323 - our annual budget meeting. 115 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,164 You know what I did a year ago today? 116 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,416 Met with my accountant, went up to see Jack, 117 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,460 told Cerie to cover herself up. 118 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:54,795 - Yeah, stop doing that. 119 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,380 Paula canceled my subscription to shape magazine. 120 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,066 Why do you have to take Cerie away too? 121 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,151 - 'Cause Jenna's gonna freak out, 122 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,335 and she'll take it out on me. 123 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:02,511 Last year, 124 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,764 Jenna accused me of trying to destroy her 125 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,600 because her lines didn't have any "k" sounds, 126 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,412 which she thinks is the funniest sound. 127 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,228 - Oh, my god. 128 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,854 My cousin Karl crashed his car, 129 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,906 and now he's in a coma at the Kendall clinic. 130 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,274 Well... 131 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,326 - Look, you don't know what Jenna's gonna do. 132 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,903 - Yeah, I do. It's in the book, 133 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,955 and the book has been right about everything. 134 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,365 It can see the future. 135 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:24,366 - Well, hang on. 136 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,200 If all of your problems are in the book, 137 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,993 aren't the solutions in there too? 138 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,495 - Well, we'll see. 139 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:32,123 Last year, Jenna didn't come to her senses till I... 140 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,919 It's all here. This is how I break the cycle. 141 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:40,882 Today, I prove the universe, and my accountant, wrong. 142 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,510 Oh, and, Pete, 143 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,679 don't try to force a nickname this year. 144 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,448 - But I just bought a letterman jacket 145 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,267 with "the German" embroidered on it. 146 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,199 It's not refundable if you personalize it! 147 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,356 - Jenna? 148 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:57,959 I know you're gonna freak out today. 149 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,168 - You're trying to destroy me. 150 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,735 I refuse to be in that sketch. 151 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:01,695 - The Macbeth sketch? 152 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,196 - Shh, stop it. 153 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,282 You never say that name in the theater. 154 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,283 It is curs-ed. 155 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,635 - Jenna, that's just a superstition. 156 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,536 - Elizabeth, I was trained 157 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,746 in Stage acting and game show pointing 158 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,332 at the royal tampa academy of dramatic tricks. 159 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,835 Where I studied theater superstition, 160 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,212 under professor Duane "crawfish" Kenny. 161 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,344 I'm not doing a sketch about the Scottish play. 162 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,650 - Yeah, but this isn't Macbeth. 163 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,427 It's a timely satire of Macbeth, 164 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,512 where mayor McCheese and his wife, 165 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,973 an ambitious pickle, murder King Ronald. 166 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,309 - Liz, I don't need any more bad luck. 167 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:33,995 Do you know how many mirrors I've smashed 168 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,859 just thinking it was a blonde woman mocking me? 169 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,316 - Okay, fine. Like last year I will... 170 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:40,608 Just ask Cerie to do it. 171 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,152 - Sure, I'll do it. 172 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,462 I just have to be out in time for my band 173 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,486 to be on letterman. 174 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,993 - Perfect. Now everyone's happy. 175 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,665 That Jenna sure is a handful, huh? 176 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:56,958 - Hazel, damn it! 177 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,603 - I know she takes you for granted. 178 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,378 But I don't. 179 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,839 Say, I bought a groupon for a couples' massage 180 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,342 at a resort in the catskills where henny youngman 181 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:06,843 used to take his mistresses. 182 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,135 What do you say? 183 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,263 - No. But if you want to help me, 184 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,681 just keep an eye on Jenna. 185 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:12,557 I know she's gonna cave, 186 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,435 I just want to make sure she doesn't do anything crazy first. 187 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,979 - As the doctor said to me after my hepatitis test, 188 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,691 "you got it, sweetheart." 189 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,401 - Banks will provide... 190 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,277 - Hey, tray. 191 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,569 - Hold up, double "I". 192 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,975 I just want to clear this level. 193 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,573 - To navigate the mortgage mess... 194 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,033 - Tracy, that's the news. 195 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,725 - It's the only way we can watch it. 196 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,829 - Coming up next, how safe is your building's elevator? 197 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,831 - Yes! A thousand points! 198 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,416 - Sure. 199 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,252 Tracy, I know you insist on doing your own taxes 200 00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:42,128 for some reason. 201 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,620 - I don't trust my accountant. 202 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,799 I think he's lying to me about being Jewish. 203 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,343 I step on more wine glasses than he does. 204 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,262 - Well, last year on this date, you flipped out 205 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,223 because you didn't know it was the 14th. 206 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,517 So, this is an early warning... - Wait, hold up. 207 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,477 I didn't even know it was April. 208 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:58,770 I was gonna tell Dot Com 209 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,147 I loved his novel as an April fool's joke. 210 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,441 This is all hands on deck! 211 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:08,863 K-9, form of desk. 212 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,532 Get the receipts out. 213 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,104 This big one's for your sneakers. 214 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,619 - Yes, do your taxes, yes. 215 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,919 - Why do you look so weird? 216 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,046 Have I never seen you carry a bag before? 217 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,098 I went and took a shower at the racquet club, 218 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:31,094 where I saw Lou dobbs step on his own testicles. 219 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:32,386 It was horrifying. 220 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,222 - Still trying to get the ol' jumper cables 221 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,058 on the tires of your brain muffler? 222 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,059 I don't know cars. 223 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,145 - I get ten minutes with Hank Hooper tonight. 224 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,896 Ten minutes to convince him 225 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,149 to change his company forever. 226 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,561 This is a crossroads, Lemon. 227 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,405 You know what I miss about G.E.? 228 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,417 The factories. The sight of work being done, 229 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:53,950 of things being made. 230 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,910 The deafening noise of machinery. 231 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,912 You have to talk like this! 232 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,789 You can only say what's essential! 233 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,584 And you get to point at things! 234 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:03,543 - Okay, well I, for one, 235 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:04,878 am crushing it today. 236 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,047 I pre-solved my Tracy and Jenna problems, 237 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,382 my budget meeting with Pete took three seconds, 238 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,470 and I got this meditation candle for 80% off. 239 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,889 "Summer horse grave"? 240 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,324 - Did you say meditation candle? 241 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,100 Lemon, are you planning to meditate? 242 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,472 - Yeah. I bought a meditation stool, I have a mantra. 243 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,644 - You have a mantra? 244 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,980 What is it? 245 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,499 - You're not supposed to tell anybody what your mantra is. 246 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,733 - Oh, come on. 247 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,235 Meditation is a waste of time, like learning French, 248 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,322 or kissing after sex. 249 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:33,823 - There you are, lemonade. 250 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,755 - Distract her with your craziness, Tracy. 251 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,219 Otherwise she's going to meditate. 252 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,563 - I don't have time for that, J.D. 253 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,372 I have to go to Alaska immediately. 254 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,082 - Alaska, what are you talking about? 255 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,500 - Well, Ms. Lemon, 256 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,878 Mr. Jordan had a lot more income this year than he anticipated, 257 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,339 thanks to his frequent scratch-off lotto victories, 258 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,108 finding all that treasure on the island 259 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,258 he owns in the Caribbean, 260 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,968 - quite an adventure. 261 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,780 - And designing Kate Middleton's wedding gown. 262 00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:56,804 - She was wonderful. 263 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,557 Collaborative, fun, and a little dangerous. 264 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,768 - Okay, so you have to go to Alaska because... 265 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,260 - In order to pay my tax bill, 266 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,896 I had to sign on to do a movie, 267 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,272 five dog now five. 268 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,775 - Gibberish. - No, that's just the confusing 269 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,528 title Disney gave the fifth snow dogs movie. 270 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,363 The "s" s are fives. 271 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,490 - Running time, 26 minutes. 272 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,134 - Why do you need to do a movie to pay your taxes? 273 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:17,867 You're loaded. 274 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,702 - I'm not liquid, Liz Lemon. 275 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,287 I'm completely solid. 276 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,290 I took all of my money and put it in my pool and froze it. 277 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,042 - Nope, this isn't last year. 278 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,460 I am breaking the cycle. 279 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,920 I will deal with this later, 280 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,631 after I meditate. 281 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:32,966 - Cycle? 282 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,136 I forgot, I sponsored the dude that won the tour de France. 283 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,930 Add another zero, Ken. 284 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,474 - "Out, out, damn spot of mustard." 285 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,022 - This is the first time I've ever liked this show. 286 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,899 It's so funny. 287 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,323 - There's a saying in show business. 288 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,493 The show must go on. 289 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,805 And I couldn't go another minute without being around 290 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,999 the greatest non-pornography crew I've ever worked with. 291 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,834 - It feels so weird being up here. 292 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,669 What if I get discovered? 293 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,838 ♪ Amazing... ♪ 294 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:17,135 - ♪ ...zing grace ♪ 295 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,179 I don't care if this production is cursed. 296 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,722 Like lady McCheese, 297 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,975 I will "screw my courage to the sticking McNugget." 298 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:28,062 I will do the sketch. 299 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,606 Let me help you down, sweet. 300 00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,774 Careful, don't stab yourself. 301 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,486 - Okay, let's take it from grimace's family being murdered. 302 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,155 Jenna, look out! 303 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,409 - I could have been killed. 304 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,744 It's the curse! 305 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,579 Sorry. 306 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,372 Hard "k" sounds. 307 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:47,832 - Mm. 308 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,757 ♪ ♪ 309 00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,553 - I'm going to Alaska! Five now dog five! 310 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:01,846 Five now dog five! 311 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:02,680 - Everyone's trying to destroy me. 312 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,350 Five now dog five! Five now dog five! 313 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,802 - Budget meeting, "the germ." 314 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,728 Pam putch, car waiting times, "the germ." 315 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,272 - Distractions begone! 316 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,566 Congratulations, Elizabeth. 317 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,735 You have achieved transcendence, 318 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:17,654 a state of pure inner peace, 319 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:21,824 where all pants have built-in underwear. 320 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,744 You have reached a plane of total enlightenment, 321 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,829 and you are realizing that Jack was right, 322 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,998 meditation is a waste of time, 323 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:29,791 time you could have spent 324 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,835 reading that book he gave you on business lunches, 325 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,463 buffett on buffets. 326 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,172 - But that doesn't make sense. 327 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:37,757 If I've achieved enlightenment, 328 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:38,758 how is this a waste of time? 329 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,803 - Let me answer your question with a question. 330 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,598 Why don't you just shut up and tell me your mantra? 331 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,684 Is it, "time to make the donuts"? 332 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,269 What are you doing? 333 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,165 "Hank Hooper is coming, Lemon. 334 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,375 "I don't have time for your nonsense. 335 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:55,584 "I'm always criticizing your shoes, 336 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,110 but never offering solutions." 337 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,882 Don't you have a big idea you're supposed to be coming up with? 338 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,823 - That's exactly what I'm trying to do. 339 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,075 I realized something today. 340 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:07,120 Putting, showering, they don't work for me. 341 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,539 Only you can stimulate 342 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:12,375 my anterior superior temporal gyrus. 343 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,836 - Buy me a drink first. Ow. 344 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,462 - For the past six years, 345 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,674 nothing has been a better distraction than rescuing you 346 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,927 from your various wrong turns on the road of life. 347 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,971 - And I just don't know what to do now. 348 00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:26,264 I'm scared, Jack. 349 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,316 - Lemon, just get another DVR in the bedroom, 350 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,019 and then you can record all four shows at once. 351 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,187 I've got it. 352 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,232 Dump all the unsold dishwashers into the ocean. 353 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,319 As it turns out, you are my shower principle, 354 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,237 so shower me, Lemon. 355 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,905 Shower me in the inane waters 356 00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,908 of television, food, and feet. 357 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,536 - You know what? Maybe you should try meditating. 358 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,828 I am serious. 359 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,706 The whole point is to clear your mind. 360 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,208 - Meditate, Lemon? I once pantsed Deepak Chopra 361 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,740 while Craig T. Nelson taped it. 362 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:56,878 I don't meditate. 363 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:57,712 - Hey, Liz, 364 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:58,504 does your journal say anything about Frank 365 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,674 trying to drink a gallon of milk last year? 366 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:02,633 - It can't be done. 367 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:03,944 Oh, god, the carpet. - Ugh! 368 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,429 Somebody hold my hair back. 369 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,098 - Oh, no! 370 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,600 My Johnny Choon. 371 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:11,892 - Are you all right? 372 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,644 I've seen people killed with shoes, 373 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,271 but never like that. 374 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,874 - I can't believe this is happening. 375 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,738 I was just using the curse of the Scottish play 376 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,276 as an excuse to act out. 377 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,569 But it's real. 378 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,780 - Ugh, like I need another curse. 379 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,616 Too busty. 380 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,911 - Ah! - Oh! 381 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,762 - I'm running out of time. 382 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:55,436 Meditate perfectly. 383 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,357 - Jack, tell me what to do about my... 384 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,318 Boyfriend! DVR! Feet! 385 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:06,197 Smash, mondays at 10:00! Female mustache. 386 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,075 My casserole's burning! My casserole's burnt! 387 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,327 - Nut up, Donaghy, and meditate! 388 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,829 - Congratulations, Jack. 389 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,121 You have attained... 390 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,766 - shut up, I don't have time for this. 391 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:16,791 Give me my inspiration. 392 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,876 - My god, you're good at meditating. 393 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:20,928 The answer you seek has been there all along. 394 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,212 It's right behind you. 395 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,255 Behind you. 396 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,966 Behind you, behind yo... 397 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,426 - I don't need an echo. 398 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:27,927 I heard you. 399 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:31,222 Meditation over! 400 00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,558 Behind me. 401 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,435 Behind me. 402 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,812 I've got it! 403 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,917 - You know, when you fell off that chair, 404 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,941 I saw up your skirt. 405 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:43,984 Nice. 406 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,736 Someone won the crotch jackpot. 407 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,157 - I need a drink. 408 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,284 Ah! My hand! 409 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,704 But I'm auditioning to play senor Wences' wife tomorrow! 410 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,289 Ah, ah. 411 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,621 I can't take this anymore. 412 00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:01,586 This curse is ruining my life. 413 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,920 - No, it's not. 414 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:03,713 I am. 415 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,165 - What are you talking about? 416 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:09,177 - The light, your shoe, the chair, your hand. 417 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,469 It was all me, Jenna. 418 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,054 - Wh... why would you do that? 419 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,682 - Because, I want to be Liz Lemon's best friend. 420 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,934 I want to know her secrets, 421 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,812 sing motown together into hairbrushes, 422 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,149 have a pair of vintage Jordache jeans that we share. 423 00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,235 But, love has enemies... You. 424 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,113 - So you tried to kill me? - Of course not, silly. 425 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,116 I can't afford a third strike. 426 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,117 I just wanted to scare you off. 427 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:39,123 And I'll stop, if you never speak to Liz again. 428 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,167 - Nice try, Hazel. 429 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,603 But you made the same mistake 430 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,378 Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. 431 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:48,466 You didn't kill me when you had the chance. 432 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,403 - Can I get you anything, Hank? 433 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,012 Bottled water? 434 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,931 - I'm not fancy like that, Jack. 435 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,343 If I get thirsty, I'll just drink the water from lunch 436 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:58,559 I saved in my cheek. 437 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,395 - I've got one word for you, Hank... 438 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,772 Couches. 439 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,500 I've been thinking about what you told 440 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,733 the investors the other day. 441 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,987 Kabletown fulfills our fellow Americans' most American need... 442 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,989 To sit on a couch, talking on the phone, 443 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,561 about a TV show they're watching, 444 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,618 based on a YouTube clip. 445 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,495 - Is NBC developing a show 446 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,705 for that cat that jumps in the boxes? 447 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,499 - No, that's, uh... yes! 448 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,334 Heh! As a matter of fact, we are. 449 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,978 But my point is, Kabletown controls 450 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,171 nearly every aspect of that experience. 451 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,048 The phone, Internet, TV, that's all us. 452 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,385 But, we don't control the couch. 453 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,054 Why are we outsourcing the American dream, Hank? 454 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:38,015 Why are the couches our customers sit on made in... 455 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,726 Oh, I don't know... Vietnam? 456 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,939 Taking my original buttocks 457 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,525 wasn't enough for those bastards. 458 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,110 - Here's what I want to do 459 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,945 with our profits this quarter. 460 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,530 I want to make couches, Hank. 461 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:53,990 Kabletown couches. 462 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:55,700 American couches. 463 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,577 - Boy, I do love a good couch, Jack. 464 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,663 You know, I'm like a couch in a lot of ways. 465 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,749 I fell asleep at a Raymour and Flanigan last week, 466 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,419 and a black family tried to buy me. 467 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,839 Let's do it! Let's make us some couches. 468 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,233 - You won't regret this, Hank. 469 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,092 - I only have three regrets in my life, Jack. 470 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,053 Not buying the Phillies, not marrying my wife sooner, 471 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,598 and not surprising you any quicker with this hug. 472 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,100 - Ooh! 473 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:28,649 - Yup, same as last year. 474 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,295 - My situation has progressed in an interesting way, Liz Lemon. 475 00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:32,737 - I don't want to hear it. 476 00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,299 - To solve my tax problem, I called the treasury department 477 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,241 and told them I won't pay my taxes until I see 478 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,993 your president's birth certificate. 479 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,412 They told me if I did that, they would arrest me. 480 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:42,704 Things got heated, 481 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,498 so I said I had a bomb. 482 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,500 - Hazel is trying to destroy me. 483 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,669 - Really? Now Hazel is trying to destroy you? 484 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,422 - Jenna, do you know how crazy you sound right now? 485 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:55,092 Liz and I, or "lazel," are really worried about you. 486 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,720 - Oh, my god. Doesn't matter what I do, 487 00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,388 nothing ever changes. - Ms. Lemon, 488 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,280 I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to get 489 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,725 a recommendation from you 490 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:06,312 to reapply to the NBC page program. 491 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,748 - We've already done that, Kenneth. 492 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,023 We've done all of this! 493 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,233 All I wanted was one shred of evidence 494 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,319 that my life is moving forward. 495 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:14,987 - Baby doll, what about me? 496 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,656 I'm new. - Are you, Hazel? 497 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,187 You're just another weird page, 498 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,520 and I already have one of those. 499 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,951 - Aw, thank you. 500 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,523 - You people, you are the reason 501 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,539 my life is a stagnant, monotonous hell! 502 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,458 - Oh, no, that reminds me. 503 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:31,420 My stand-up tour. Add another zero, Ken. 504 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,550 - Jack? Why did you invite me here? 505 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,470 Oh, you're gonna murder me, aren't you? 506 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,639 Eh, it's okay. - Up here, Lemon. 507 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,600 I haven't secured that level from the rats yet. 508 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,222 - What the hell is this place? 509 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,318 - This is where I remake Kabletown. 510 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,612 And where Americans, and for cost reasons, 511 00:19:56,904 --> 00:20:00,658 quite a few "foreign Americans," will make couches. 512 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,160 - To watch TV on. 513 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,013 Do I finally understand vertical integration? 514 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,163 - Yes. 515 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:10,209 - Well, at least one of us got out of their rut today. 516 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,043 - Eh! 517 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,295 Lemon, what are you doing? 518 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,382 I realized today that I cannot do my job without you. 519 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,509 This is all because of you. 520 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,428 - You're admitting you need me, 521 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,346 and all my nonsense. 522 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,181 You haven't done that since... 523 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,309 You've never done that. 524 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,270 - I wanted a new G.E. 525 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,314 I got a couch factory, but it's a start. 526 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,234 Baby steps, Lemon. 527 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,194 - To new beginnings. - Lemon? 528 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,282 - The cycle is broken. 529 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,993 Jack, the rats have my meditation stool. 530 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,745 Ah! 531 00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,788 Help! Shoot it free! 532 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,332 Let her go, you bastard! 533 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,212 - Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow 534 00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:58,048 creeps in this petty pace from day to day 535 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,676 to the last syllable of recorded time. 536 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,262 And all our yesterdays have lighted fools 537 00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,181 the way to dusty death. 538 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,183 Out, out, brief candle. 539 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,976 Life's but a walking shadow, 540 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,563 a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the Stage, 541 00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:14,607 and then is heard no more. 542 00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:17,067 It is a tale told by an idiot, 543 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,736 full of sound and fury, 544 00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:20,446 signifying nothing. 545 00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:23,491 Would you like to try our apple dippers?