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10 minutes. 10 minutes to air.
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Cast, you should
change for the cold open.
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Hey, you wanted to see me?
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Does it seem
weird in here to you?
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Everything looks like
a Mexican soap opera.
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I don't know. Does it?
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My god, I can see every
line and pore in your face.
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You look like a
ymca climbing wall.
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Yeah. Well, my face
cream was recalled.
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Apparently, it was destroying
the lab rats', uh, uh...
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What is that word? Brains.
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I just wanted you to know
that while Avery is pregnant,
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I am giving up drinking.
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If she can't drink,
I won't drink.
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Wow. I-I don't know if
that's a good idea for you.
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Remember what happened that time
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I tried to give up
refined sugars?
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Hey, looking good, Liz.
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Thank you. Thank
you. But you know what?
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Our bodies don't want
all of that processed junk.
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I don't know if you've had a
chance to read Michael Pollan...
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Who wants donuts?
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I will kill you!
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How come you're
better-looking in your memory?
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'Cause my memory
has "Seinfeld" money.
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Well, don't worry.
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For me, the drinking has
always been about the ritual,
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so I just need to
replace the ritual.
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And, therefore, Avery has
got me this very nice tea set,
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some knitting needles
and some yarn,
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and a book on
sleight-of-hand magic.
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♪ Dah, dah-dah-dah ♪
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♪ dah-dah, dah-dah-dah ♪
♪ dah, dah-dah-dah ♪
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♪ dah-dah, dah-dah ♪
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♪ dah-dah-dah, dah-dah ♪
♪ dah, dah-dah-dah ♪
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That's as far as I've gotten.
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Okay, well, if that's it,
I'm gonna go downstairs.
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Have a good show.
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I'm dreading watching it sober.
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Okay.
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Hey, uh, Jack knows
it's my birthday, right?
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Hmm. Let me see.
43
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Oh, I have my master list
of staff birthdays right here.
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Oh, no. I seem to have
forgotten to put you on it.
45
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Uh-huh. Is this because of
that joke I made the other day?
46
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Jonathan, can I have a pen?
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Yeah, and hurry up, Aladdin.
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Before Jasmine is
forced to marry jafar.
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Similarities... Lemon, out.
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I don't know what
you're talking about.
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Whatever. Jack will
remember my birthday
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because we're friends.
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Also, it's a pretty
big birthday.
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Oh. Are you turning 1,000?
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Really, you want to play this
game with a comedy writer?
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Oh! God!
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Ugh!
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♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
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♪ live show ♪
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♪ it's a "30 rock" live show ♪
♪ for pacific time ♪
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♪ it's a place for
the late to roam ♪
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♪ "30 rock" is live
in your home ♪
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♪ live show ♪
♪ it's a west coast live show ♪
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♪ let's talk about Sushi ♪
♪ do-do-do-do-do-do ♪
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♪ Portland, Vegas,
glendale, this is "30 rock" ♪
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Oh. Hi, Edwiga.
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Hellos.
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Haven't seen you in a long time.
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Yes. Bullet in brain move.
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Much hospital.
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00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,094
Oh, wow. I'm glad you're back.
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Oh, I want to tell you, there's
probably gonna be a party
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tonight because
it's my birthday.
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Ooh! "Happy days"
is my favorite show.
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Yeah, "happy days" is a... Is a
great show, but what I mean is,
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there might be a
little bit of a mess, so...
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Ahh.
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Yeah. Are we
understanding each other?
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Yeah, yeah. I-I clean you now?
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No, no. No. You don't have
to clean me, I'm just saying
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you might have to clean
up after a surprise party later
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'cause it's my birthday,
and it's a big one. Wah!
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Wah! Wah!
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Wah! Wah!
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Wah! What are we doing, Edwiga?
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I like Fonzie.
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"Hey!"
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His office is bathroom,
just like Edwiga.
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Okay. It's a good talk, Edwiga.
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Wah!
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Oh, miss Maroney. I
have your messages.
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A Mr. Brett fav-re stopped
by and dropped off this picture
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of a hot dog.
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Oh.
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Finally.
96
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,741
Uh, the Chilean
miners are all out,
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and they're really angry about
what you've been saying about them.
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So I guess they're geniuses
for getting stuck in a mine.
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Uh... also, your
pharmacy called.
100
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Apparently, you can't get
a prescription for ecstasy.
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Thanks, obamacare.
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If you need someone to
scream at, I'm right here.
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Hey, Kenneth.
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00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,891
Oh, ho-ho. Hello, Ms. Lemon.
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What's up, giggly?
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Oh, I don't know. Nothing.
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Mr. Hornberger needs to see you
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in Mr. Jordan's
dressing room right away.
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Oh, really? I wonder why.
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I don't know. You
better find out.
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Surprise, Liz!
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Tracy's come up with a
new way to ruin the show.
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What? No, no.
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I told you... your lizard
cannot be the musical guest.
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Of course not.
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His album doesn't
drop until December.
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No, no, Liz.
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Last night, for
the first time ever,
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Tracy watched the
non-porn version
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of "the Carol Burnett show."
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Sure.
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It was even funnier
than the porn version.
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The best part is when the
actors started cracking up.
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They laughed so hard, they
didn't even finish the skit.
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Uh-huh. And your point is...
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I would like to do that, please.
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Do what?
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00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,573
Crack up instead of saying
these stupid lines I wrote.
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00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,701
Stupid lines I wrote, and,
no, we're not doing that.
130
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You never take my
creative suggestions.
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The only other one I can
remember is the time you wanted
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me to hire those two
strippers to dance behind you.
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And you should have.
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Those dudes were awesome...
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00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,465
And so is my crack-up idea.
136
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,135
Okay. Tracy, what you're
talking about is called
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00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,721
"breaking," and,
sure, audiences love it
138
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when something goes wrong.
139
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Okay, but we don't do that here.
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It's cheap, so no
breaking. Promise?
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Promise.
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I swear on my mother's grape.
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Wait. Did you say
"grave" or "grape"?
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Yes, goodbye.
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Gentlemen, tonight,
I'm gonna laugh harder
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tonight than I did
at Dot Com's play.
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It was "angels
in america," tray.
148
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,840
Oh, Ms. Lemon,
Mr. Donaghy called.
149
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,675
Why are you giggling like that?
150
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,177
It's very misleading.
151
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:10,347
Oh, I'm sorry. It's
just that Mr. Lutz
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is wearing a hilarious t-shirt,
153
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,685
and every time I
see it, well, just look.
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Ha!
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Whoever's standing
next to him is stupid!
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That guy is stupid!
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Now she is.
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And now they are.
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Now I were.
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00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:34,120
Anyway... mr. Donaghy called
while you were with Mr. Jordan.
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He needs to see you right away.
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00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:39,209
Liz. I almost forgot.
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"Happy birthday"...
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The song... legal says we
can't use it in the birthday sketch,
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but we can use "it's your
b-day, bitch," by Snooki's mom.
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Wait. Did I just
hear you correctly?
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Because last year, I
wrote a song called
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"it's your birthday, slut."
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Does Mrs. Polizzi's track
sound anything like this?
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00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,881
♪ You say that
it's your birthday ♪
171
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,066
♪ time to skank it up hard ♪
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00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,360
♪ choke a cop
with your panties ♪
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No? No one?
174
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,741
Thank you.
175
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,040
Hey.
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00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,709
Did you just knit that?
177
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,128
I need a drink, Lemon.
178
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,171
Already? Okay, we
can get through this.
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00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,424
It turns out that
it's not the ritual.
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According to a bunch
of online questionnaires,
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I'm a problem drinker.
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Oh, god, I have a
splitting headache!
183
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Replace the ritual.
Replace the ritual.
184
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,618
Would you come
over here, please?
185
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,228
Yes, thank you. Thank you.
186
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,740
Did you finish the magic book?
187
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,450
I cannot divulge my secrets.
188
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,202
I don't want to let Avery
down, but this is so hard.
189
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,038
Lemon, distract me.
190
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,789
Entertain me.
191
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:03,043
Okay. Uh, open on the
covent garden flower market.
192
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,295
The year... 1892!
193
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,964
Flowers, flowers for sale!
194
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,341
Get out of here!
195
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,637
Did he remember your birthday?
196
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:17,474
Oh, come on.
197
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,313
15 seconds. What's up, New York?
198
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,898
Tracy Jordan in the house!
199
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,653
You're the real stars!
200
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,322
Not really!
201
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:38,203
Fox news, a division of
fox nonsense, incorporated.
202
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,163
Welcome back to fox news.
203
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,249
I'm blond.
204
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,127
President Obama,
in your own words,
205
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,963
why are you a terrorist
who hates america?
206
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,299
That's an excellent question.
207
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,675
Uh-oh!
208
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,012
I'm doing something
called "breaking"!
209
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,809
Snort! Hee-hee-hee!
210
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,352
Giggle, giggle!
211
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,687
This audience loves this.
212
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,272
Jordan!
213
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,483
Oh, that idiot.
214
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,693
Fine.
215
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:11,986
Just go to commercial.
216
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,988
Go to commercial.
217
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,700
Erectile dysfunction...
218
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,120
It's not just a dog
problem anymore.
219
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,789
It also affects millions of men.
220
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,042
Hello. I'm "doctor"
Leo Spaceman.
221
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,045
For too long, erectile
dysfunction has been viewed
222
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,715
as a physical problem and it's
been treated with pills and ointments
223
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:37,011
and contraptions whose
straps break all too easily.
224
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,098
But couldn't the real cause of
E.D. be that we haven't produced
225
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,725
a good doing-it song
since "close the door"
226
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,644
by Teddy Pendergrass?
227
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,771
That's why I recorded an album.
228
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,401
♪ Baby, let's take it slow ♪
229
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,070
♪ you know,
we've got all night ♪
230
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,782
♪ light some candles, draw
a bath, and tied me to my
231
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:02,745
radiator and put food
just out of reach ♪
232
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:06,416
Guaranteed to end erectile
dysfunction, these are
233
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,710
the sweet sounds of
"Dr. Leo Spaceman's
234
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:14,007
love storm: An ultra-strength
audio reboneulator."
235
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:18,011
♪ Girl, I've been
knowing you a long time ♪
236
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,263
♪ and I think
tonight's the night ♪
237
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:25,059
♪ this time you can be the man ♪
238
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,394
♪ strap... ♪
239
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,283
Hey, idiot!
240
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:43,870
Liz, I know we're not usually
the most grateful bunch,
241
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,664
but everybody here...
And I mean everybody...
242
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,542
Is signing this birthday card
for Edwiga, the cleaning lady.
243
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,003
Really? Edwiga's birthday?
244
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,714
I look out for her. We're
friends with benefits.
245
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,676
Tracy, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
246
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,137
I can't be. I'm missing
that part of my brain.
247
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,264
Why... why are you doing this?
248
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,974
Why does anybody do anything?
249
00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,977
Because they're rich and they
have attention deficit disor...
250
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,979
Look at Lutz's shirt.
251
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,356
Ah!
252
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:14,150
You are ruining the
show. No more laughing.
253
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,945
No more laughing. Kraut's honor.
254
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,780
Wait. Did you say
"scout" or "kraut"?
255
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,072
Goodbye!
256
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,203
Oh. Carol, I knew you
wouldn't forget about me today.
257
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:26,871
No nonessential chatter, Liz.
258
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,165
I'm having the worst
flight of my career.
259
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,001
Wind shears, lightning,
severe turbulence.
260
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,170
The in-flight meal
was a frittata.
261
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,631
Oh, my god. At night?
262
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,175
So, Lizzie, look, if
something were to happen, i-i
263
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,344
just want you to know I...
264
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,304
I need you to go to my apartment
265
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,098
in Raleigh and clear out any
266
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:48,142
porn before my mom gets there.
267
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,434
That's it?
268
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,313
Well, I-I also need you
to TiVo "bones" for me
269
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,023
in case I survive.
270
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,275
You know what, Carol?
Today is a very special day,
271
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,442
and you should know that.
272
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,964
Also, you should know that you
can't use cellphones on a plane.
273
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,407
Wait, no, that's something we
just tell passengers to keep...
274
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,952
Oh, h-hang on. I gotta go.
275
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,850
Oh, man, I think I
just really screwed
276
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,193
something up with my girlfriend.
277
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,126
You know, I've always loved you.
278
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,796
Not now, Kevin.
279
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,381
Copy that.
280
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,844
Liz, how could you
let Tracy do this to me?
281
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,388
Don't worry. It's
under control, or not.
282
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,265
I am a professional, Liz.
283
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,184
I have never broken
during a performance, ever.
284
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,145
I was onstage in "pippin" with
285
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,063
Irene Ryan when she died,
286
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,355
and I kept going.
287
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,900
I know, and that is
why you're so amazing.
288
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,352
Oh, I have never broken, Liz,
289
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,571
but if he tries to
pull that stunt again,
290
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,906
I will have a
wardrobe malfunction.
291
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:46,075
Oh, I will slip a nip, Liz.
292
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,870
So help me, I will slip a nip.
293
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,042
Hi, Edwiga. How are you?
294
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,334
Sit on it!
295
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,969
Are you sniffing paint?
296
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,389
Of course I am, Lemon.
Men need alcohol.
297
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,081
It gives us the ability to hit on
women and later, when we're
298
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,269
married, to tune them out.
299
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,361
I don't know how much
more of this I can take.
300
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,190
This is the worst
day of my life.
301
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,900
Your life? Of your life?
302
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,032
Oh, god. How is this
going to become about you?
303
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,235
It's my birthday, Jack!
304
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,739
It is my 40th birthday,
and no one remembered!
305
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,949
Damn you, she-beasts!
306
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,326
What?
307
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,287
You and Avery... you lay
these traps for me to fail!
308
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,917
Lemon, I'm sorry I
forgot your birthday.
309
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,293
I'm not myself right now.
310
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:42,215
Please accept this
$1,000 as my gift to you.
311
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:45,259
I'm gonna take this on principle,
but it doesn't fix anything.
312
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,761
What can I tell you?
313
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,572
This is what happens to
people like you and me,
314
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,996
who put work before
everything else.
315
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,974
Do you know where I
spent my 40th birthday?
316
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,811
In my office all night long.
317
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,778
Wow. You were
very fit back then.
318
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,199
Yes, but my penis was smaller.
319
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:15,206
Look, Jack, you know, I don't
want to make you feel guilty.
320
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,083
I mean, I know who I am.
321
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,669
I know I'm not the funnest
person in the group.
322
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,588
I'm not the one you call when
you want to go out clubbing
323
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,966
on the town and
party dance all night.
324
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,718
Why are you speaking
like a persian immigrant?
325
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,806
But I thought at least these
dummies would do something
326
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,684
for me besides set a bunch
of fires I have to put out.
327
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:37,061
I thought that
when I turned 40...
328
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,064
40... I could really
drink a 40 right now.
329
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,821
Oprah, this is what the inside
of a child's face looks like.
330
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,865
Oh, no!
331
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,284
My Oprah wig is falling off!
332
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:52,994
Exciting mishap!
333
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,121
This is live!
334
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,832
What the blerg?!
335
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,793
Jenna.
336
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,004
Mm? Have you been drinking?
337
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,715
No. I had a bottle
of wine with dinner.
338
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,426
May I smell your mouth?
339
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,053
I thought you'd never ask.
340
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,349
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
341
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,643
I gave up drinking
while Avery's pregnant.
342
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,935
It's been very hard.
343
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,188
Oh, of course.
344
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,857
But caring for someone
means making sacrifices, Jack.
345
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,694
Being with Paul
has taught me that.
346
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,988
It's made me much more mature.
347
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,075
Oh, Tracy. It is nipple time!
348
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,078
Now my moustache is askew!
349
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,206
Oops, that thing fell.
350
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,583
And that thing, too!
351
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,923
Uh-oh! My shirt is
accidentally falling off!
352
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:48,966
America!
353
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:54,388
I warned you, Liz, and
now I am slipping a nip...
354
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,098
The big one.
355
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,184
Go to commercial!
To commercial, go!
356
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:00,977
Hi.
357
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,566
I'm Dr. Drew Baird.
358
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,027
Every year, dozens
of people lose a hand
359
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,739
to a helicopter or a fireworks
mishap or, in my case, both.
360
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,867
But thanks to groundbreaking
research at the Yale university
361
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,869
center for hand-frankensteining,
362
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,413
hand transplants are a reality,
363
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,041
making life better for
people all over the world...
364
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,460
People like me.
365
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:28,673
Of course, donors are rare.
366
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,759
As you can see, I had
to accept a female hand.
367
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,470
A number of which became
available after a giant
368
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,806
explosion at a Josh
Groban concert.
369
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,977
So please give, and
give someone a hand.
370
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,437
I'm sorry. I'm trying to
do a thumbs-up here.
371
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,690
She... she doesn't
always listen.
372
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,776
Okay. No, no, no, no. No. No.
373
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,362
This is not the time.
Please, we are in public.
374
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,407
No. No. Stop it, Marjorie.
375
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,659
No. Obey me. Oh, ow.
376
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,245
Okay, please,
just... I'm so tired.
377
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:02,248
Oh, god. Please
take off your rings.
378
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,842
Listen up. We forgot
Liz Lemon's birthday,
379
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,302
her 40th birthday.
380
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,054
Oh, how? You gave me your list.
381
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,708
Never mind how it happened...
That's water under the bridge.
382
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,604
I'm sorry. We don't have
that expression in Canada.
383
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,957
Does that mean that what
happened can be used to power
384
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,899
a lumber mill?
385
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,193
It means that we're
going to do something nice
386
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,695
for our friend Liz Lemon.
387
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,427
Because she takes care of us,
we're going to take care of her,
388
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:38,409
even if we are currently sober
for the first time in 10 years.
389
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,370
Not me. I just got my
10-year drunk chip.
390
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,771
Uh, Pete, what can
you pull together?
391
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,001
Is there still time to do
something on the air for Liz?
392
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,753
Not really. I mean, I could cut
393
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,213
the product placement
for capital one.
394
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,545
Oh, no, you can't do that.
395
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,425
The capital one
venture card is amazing.
396
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:58,220
They give double miles
every day with every purchase.
397
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,727
I guess the cast could say
something during "good nights."
398
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,622
No, it has to be big
enough that Liz believes
399
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,147
we were planning
something all along.
400
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,067
Oh, I've got an idea!
401
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,778
What if...
402
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,112
We...
403
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,281
Spit it out before I drink you!
404
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:20,159
Cast to the floor
for good nights.
405
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,411
Cast, please set
yourselves for good nights.
406
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,123
Did you crash?
407
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,168
No, but it was pretty
scary... I mean, well,
408
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:31,563
not like the stuff I saw in
the air force, of course...
409
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,381
Like, this one time me
and a bunch of pilots,
410
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,341
we went to a haunted
house in Germany.
411
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,468
That was messed up!
412
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,012
Today's my birthday, Carol.
413
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,473
It's your birthday. Damn it.
414
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,851
I'm sorry. Uh, happy
birthday, Lizzie.
415
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,354
Don't worry about it. These
dummies here have known me
416
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,856
a lot longer, and
none of them...
417
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,109
Oh, my god.
418
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,238
You did remember.
419
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,698
Wait. What's happening now?
420
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,866
Is that a surprise
party? Surprise!
421
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,827
I was totally in on it!
422
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,287
It was expensive!
423
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,291
Happy birthday, Lemon.
424
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,460
You... you knew all along.
425
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,337
Come on.
426
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,669
You didn't think we'd
forget your birthday, did you?
427
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:16,924
30 seconds!
428
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,759
Is that a polka band?
429
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,428
Happy birthday.
430
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,887
Wait a minute.
431
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,974
Why is Henry winkler on my cake?
432
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,310
I like Fonzie.
433
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,855
"Hey!"
434
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,607
This is supposed
to be for Edwiga.
435
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,401
No, everybody loves the Fonz.
436
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:37,570
10 seconds.
437
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,322
You stole an old
cleaning lady's birthday
438
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,241
just to try to make me happy?
439
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,784
In my defense...
440
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,203
Yes.
441
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:49,290
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
442
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,083
5 seconds back.
443
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,711
4, 3, 2...
444
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,136
On behalf of everyone here
at "TGS," we just want to wish...
445
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,638
Good night! Aah! Aah! Help!
446
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,182
Her thumbs are in my eyes!
447
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,232
Well, Lemon, I'm sorry
your birthday didn't turn out
448
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,485
the way you hoped, but
at least it was memorable.
449
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,528
No, you know
what? It was perfect.
450
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,822
It was the best
of... Buh-buh-buh.
451
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,491
Oh, sorry.
452
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:30,372
You know, it was perfect. It
was the best of both worlds.
453
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:32,958
I got to feel martyred
and indignant all day,
454
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,169
and I still got to
eat the Fonz' face.
455
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:38,047
But I have one
more birthday wish.
456
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:40,216
I want you to have
one drink with me.
457
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:42,760
Well, I promised
Avery I wouldn't,
458
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:47,014
but it's dangerous to deny
the wishes of an old spinster.
459
00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:50,810
You may turn me into a crow.
460
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,144
To Liz Lemon.
461
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,980
You're halfway to death.
462
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,277
That's more like it.
463
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:12,998
Thank you to Matt Damon,
Rachel Dratch, bill Hader,
464
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:16,085
Jon Hamm, Julia Louis-Dreyfus,
Garrett Neff, Chris Parnell,
465
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,586
and everyone at NBC.
466
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:21,090
"30 rock" crew, I love
you! "SNL" crew, I love you!
467
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:51,871
You're watching
"the office" right now.