1 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,564 - Lemon. 2 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,816 - When you were watching me after my oral surgery, 3 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:27,027 did I put a toaster waffle into my DVD player? 4 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,039 - You did. You watched it for about an hour, 5 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,673 said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, 6 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:31,937 then you turned it off. - Yikes. 7 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,155 Thanks for babysitting me. 8 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,167 - I did my best, but you were pretty far gone. 9 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:37,704 You kept trying to order home massages off of craigslist. 10 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,957 Good thing you were here. 11 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,876 - Hey, somebody order a massage? 12 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,168 - Oh, brother. 13 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,531 You're too late! 14 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,256 I already killed her! 15 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,926 - Well played, Lemon. 16 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,763 You went running? I thought you'd left. 17 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,431 Who else is out there this early? 18 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,284 - Almost exclusively women that look like me. 19 00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,435 If the pervert community gets wind of morning jogging, 20 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,727 God help us. 21 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:02,937 Have you seen this? 22 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:06,483 They keep talking about Sheinhardt selling NBC 23 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,615 to, uh, Kabletown. - That's never gonna happen. 24 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,320 How could a company from Philadelphia 25 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,447 buy a company from New York? 26 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,676 That would be like Vietnam defeating the United States 27 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:15,700 in a ground war. 28 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,536 - I don't know, Jack. My sources... 29 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,264 - Well, I'm telling you that Don Geiss and I 30 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,331 spoke about this, and that sale is dead. 31 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:22,892 - Look, I read his autobiography, 32 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,293 Geiss cubes, whatever that means. 33 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,462 - It means the book is filled with cubes of knowledge. 34 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,006 It's a good title. 35 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,008 The principles in this book are timeless. 36 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,010 I could open to any page... 37 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,062 "Because a woman's brain has fewer folds..." 38 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,597 Okay, hang on. 39 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,099 "The negroid musculature..." 40 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,935 Nobody's buying anybody. 41 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:44,730 - Hey. Where is Frank? 42 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,207 He still hasn't rewritten the olympic sketch 43 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:49,526 about the Lindsey Vonn who won the gold medal for skiing. 44 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,070 - Oh, Mr. Rossitano called to say he overslept, 45 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,947 and I should make up an excuse for him. 46 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,282 So here goes... 47 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,993 On his way to work, he found some magic beans, 48 00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,605 and because he believed in them... 49 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,495 - ship up. 50 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,707 Frank, Frank, Frank. 51 00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:04,999 What is this? 52 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,209 - "Future husband"? 53 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,901 Who did you put in your address book 54 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,046 as "future husband"? 55 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,298 - I have absolutely no idea. 56 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,133 - Well, whenever I find something weird 57 00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,185 in my cell phone, I can usually trace it back 58 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,446 to the last time I was drunk. 59 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:19,348 - Oh, my god, the dentist's office. 60 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,908 - Oh, your dentist gets drunk with you too? 61 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,476 - No! When I was under the anesthesia, 62 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,645 I did a bunch of stuff I don't remember. 63 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:28,023 Including meeting the man of your dreams? 64 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,234 Oh, miss Lemon, it's so romantic, 65 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,766 just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of, 66 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:34,904 fatal attraction. 67 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,990 - Liz, you have to call him. 68 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,743 - What? No. I was out of my mind on painkillers. 69 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,620 I have zero memory of this guy. 70 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,848 I don't know what he looks like. He could be a serial killer. 71 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,083 He could wear a thumb ring. 72 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,752 - Miss Lemon, you're such a pessimist. 73 00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,587 You know what my motto is? 74 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:54,466 Everything always works out for the best. 75 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:57,094 Watch this. 76 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,555 I just threw my wallet out the window, 77 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,349 but I'm not worried. 78 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,936 Why? Because everything always works out for the best. 79 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,229 - I'm sorry. 80 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,321 How is that supposed to make me call this guy? 81 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,982 - Be an optimist, miss Lemon. 82 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:23,362 ♪ ♪ 83 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,252 - Watch TGS this Friday... 84 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,340 On... 85 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,926 On... 86 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,138 - I think we got it. 87 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,514 - Okay. Good first take. 88 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:43,846 Maybe we go one more time. 89 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,100 - Excuse me? 90 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,703 Do you know who you're talking to? 91 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,354 A future Tony-nominated actor. 92 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,646 That's right. 93 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,649 It is Tony-eligibility season. 94 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,318 And I'm going for the "t" in my Egot. 95 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,113 - Really? You've been cast on Broadway? 96 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,906 - I'm doing a one-man show. 97 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:01,491 - You are? When? - Tonight. 98 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:02,802 - Have you prepared anything? 99 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,453 - What am I, a nerd? 100 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,664 I'm gonna keep it loose, Liz Lemon. 101 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,127 - Jonathan! 102 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,296 Jonathan, why is it so quiet in here? 103 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,006 Why aren't the phones ringing? 104 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,841 Is it senior executive skip day? 105 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:18,508 That's usually in the spring, 106 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,178 so we can go to an amusement park. 107 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,096 - No, sir, I don't understand. 108 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,015 Maybe we're the last people on earth. 109 00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,600 Maybe we are legend. 110 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,935 You're will Smith, and I'm the dog. 111 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,979 Hello? 112 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,790 - Answering your own phone on the first ring? 113 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,399 It's all hands on deck over there, huh? 114 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,066 - What do you mean? - Come on. 115 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,611 The NBC buyout. What's happening today? 116 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,821 - I'm sorry. You're calling me as a source? 117 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:40,572 How are you going to explain 118 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,657 your unnamed executive to your producer? 119 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,385 - I'll tell him it's a guy I'm having sex with. 120 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,845 It's a 24-hour news cycle here, Jack. 121 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,789 We really don't have time to do it right anymore. 122 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:48,497 - So what do you want to know? 123 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,469 - Okay, I know the deal is happening today. 124 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:51,893 The board's having a secret meeting. 125 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:52,626 I just need a confirmation. 126 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,127 - Wait, what? No. 127 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:55,712 I already told you this morning. 128 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,589 There's no deal. - Oh, my god. 129 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,382 You really don't know what's going on. 130 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:00,860 They cut you out of the loop, Jack, 131 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,468 because you're against it. 132 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,240 - No, no, no, I'm not out of the loop. 133 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,425 I just can't talk about it. 134 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,515 I'm actually finishing up a meeting right now. 135 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,391 - Rhubarb, rhubarb, golf, prostate. 136 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,003 - I'm gonna have to call you back. 137 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:14,898 Jonathan, I want you to go down 138 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,630 into your little assistant underworld 139 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,360 and find out where everybody is. 140 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:19,732 I don't care what it takes. 141 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,696 This is a matter of life... 142 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,490 Or death. 143 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,076 - Yes, sir. But if anything should happen to me, 144 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,088 I want you to read oh, the places you'll go! 145 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,621 At my funeral. 146 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,707 - I'm not doing that. 147 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:33,999 - Rinse, please. 148 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,253 Well, you're healing very nicely. 149 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:39,381 You may continue to experience sensitivity for a few more days. 150 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,300 - When can I start eating hard cheeses again, doctor? 151 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,804 - I've had this pamphlet printed up. 152 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,639 It was expensive, but I'm really tired 153 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,183 of discussing this with you. 154 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,101 - Huh. 155 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,645 Dr. Kaplan, the last time I was here, 156 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:57,399 I think I made a gentleman friend. 157 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,531 But because of the anesthesia, I can't remember 158 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:00,151 where or how. 159 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,778 - Well, there was another patient 160 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,446 in the recovery room with you. 161 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:07,450 And I remember you were both laughing quite a bit. 162 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,035 - Okay. So, uh, who is he? 163 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,327 What does he look like? 164 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,206 - He has some gum recession... Four pockets on 14 and 15, 165 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,751 but, overall, very good teeth, especially for an englishman. 166 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,683 - Ooh, he's English? - I've said too much. 167 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,513 I really can't tell you anything about him... 168 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,466 You know, doctor-patient confidentiality. 169 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,636 - Ah, come on. I mean, you're not really a doctor. 170 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,179 - Well, if that's how you feel, 171 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,751 then you're not really a patient. 172 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:30,473 And people who aren't patients 173 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,685 don't get toys from the treat bucket. 174 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,812 - But there's a Batman in there! - Yeah. 175 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:38,523 And if you wind him up, he swims in the bath. 176 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,358 - Damn you, Kaplan! 177 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:45,447 - Who's here? I need someone to be outraged to. 178 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,159 - Oh. I'm here, miss Maroney. 179 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:52,037 I actually slept here, because my house keys are in my wallet. 180 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,371 It wasn't too bad. 181 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,600 Late at night, these two little twin girls told me 182 00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,709 they wanted to play with me forever. 183 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,001 - Have you seen this? 184 00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,421 - Is that a Macy's Thanksgiving day parade pun? 185 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:02,714 In march? 186 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,215 - It's a rave review... 187 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,550 For Tracy. 188 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,552 It's as if claps-giving yay ha-rade 189 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,763 has lost all meaning. 190 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,140 - I did it. I'm a Broadway star. 191 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,392 Jenna, could you accept my Tony on my behalf? 192 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,977 June is a tough month for me 193 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,271 because I begin lifeguarding again. 194 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,790 - You know, renting a theater for one night 195 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,214 and babbling on Stage for an hour... 196 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,441 - five hours. 197 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:23,693 - Doesn't make you an actor. 198 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,505 - I don't know. People seem to like it. 199 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,697 - Well, it certainly doesn't get you a Tony award. 200 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,032 I know the Tony rules, 201 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,010 because I've been petitioning for them to add a category 202 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,286 for living theatrically in normal life. 203 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,222 And I know for a fact you have to do your show 204 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,707 a minimum of eight times to be eligible. 205 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:38,999 - Wait. The same show? 206 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,294 Of course the same show. 207 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,047 - But I can't do that. I'm a spontaneous actor. 208 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,132 I never do the same thing twice. 209 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,134 - Action. 210 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,095 - Honey, I'm home. 211 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,555 Pac-man, I'm Jewish. 212 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,392 Jeffrey, we lost the tournament. 213 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,687 I can't do seven more performances. 214 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,247 - Well, then you better think of something else 215 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,148 that starts with "t" for your little necklace. 216 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:07,028 - Do they give an award for tarantula misplacement? 217 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:13,284 - ♪ Jonathan downloads Geiss' schedule ♪ 218 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,328 ♪ Mr. Donaghy will be grateful ♪ 219 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,122 ♪ da-na-na ♪ 220 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:18,123 ♪ da-na-na ♪ 221 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,791 ♪ da-na-na ♪ 222 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,295 - Oh, good morning, miss Lemon. 223 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,107 - Still haven't found your wallet, huh? 224 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:29,259 - No. And I realized there was a prescription in there 225 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,927 I should have filled yesterday. 226 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,219 It keeps me from... 227 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,976 Don't worry. It's just a donkey spell. 228 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:44,024 - Well, I went to the dentist yesterday, 229 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,942 and I actually found out a little bit 230 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,986 about my mystery guy. 231 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,320 - And? 232 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,990 - And I now know that he is English, 233 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,783 and he made me laugh. 234 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,326 - That's wonderful, 235 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:56,637 even if he does come from a country 236 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,581 that's nothing more than the dried Husk america came out of. 237 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,041 So are you gonna call him? 238 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,627 - And say what, that you're my future husband? 239 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,921 I'd like to at least know what this guy looks like 240 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,757 before I put myself out there. 241 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,735 - Then we need to find a way for you to see him 242 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:11,839 through trickery. - Kenneth. 243 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,471 - We all know deceit is okay if it's done for love, 244 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,431 like when lot's daughters got him drunk 245 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,600 to repopulate the world through incest 246 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,269 or when screech went to the masquerade ball in disguise 247 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,147 so Lisa would kiss him. 248 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,443 - This is Wesley. 249 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,653 This is nurse Jamakiah 250 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,989 from Dr. Kaplan's office. 251 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:33,990 So here's the ting. 252 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,408 You need to come in today 253 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,827 so the doctor can check dem teeth, mon. 254 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,263 - Oh. Is there something wrong? 255 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,914 My checkup isn't for another week. 256 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,626 - He tinks dat tooth might have some bad mojo in it, ya see. 257 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,437 Might you be available to come in 258 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,046 around 1:30, me lad? 259 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:49,440 You're going Irish. 260 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,257 Okay. 1:30 is fine. 261 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,469 - Cool runnings, mon. Bobsled. 262 00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,521 - See? Miss Lemon, I told you. 263 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,516 Everything... 264 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,017 Stay away! I will bite you! 265 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,605 - Jack, what brings you down to news? 266 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:08,650 - Hey, cnbc, nightly news rules. 267 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,102 - Go break a story, Williams! 268 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,276 - Nightly rules. 269 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,947 - Avery, I have some information for you, 270 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,239 but in exchange, I need you to do something for me. 271 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,992 - Okay. I told you last night, no. 272 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,245 Why would you even want to braid my hair? 273 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,722 - Because it's romantic, and I'm really good at it. 274 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,040 But this is strictly professional. 275 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,460 I saw Don Geiss' schedule, and you're right. 276 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,130 There is something going on... 277 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,714 And I know where. 278 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,010 - This is Jack Welch's address in Connecticut. 279 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,582 But Don Geiss was seen last night 280 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:38,989 at the ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia. 281 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,224 - Decoys. 282 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,916 Or he could have driven back by now. 283 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,686 - Oh, thanks for the tip. 284 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,818 - In return, here's how you're gonna report it. 285 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,649 Geiss fights off buyout, keeps company intact, 286 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,026 makes this gesture. 287 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,611 - Jack, I can't do that, 288 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,280 because this deal is happening, 289 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,240 and if Don Geiss is fighting it, 290 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,332 you should start distancing yourself from him. 291 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,409 - Distancing myself? 292 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,703 That man is my mentor. 293 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:06,207 He taught me how to command a room with my voice! 294 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,542 - Back to work. 295 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,128 All I'm saying is, the writing's on the wall. 296 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,172 Do you think it was easy for me to cut ties 297 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,924 from my old mentor, Pat O'Brien, after he shaved his mustache? 298 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,360 - So this is what you do to people... 299 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,104 You use them, and then you throw them aside? 300 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,138 - That is not fair. This is not about us. 301 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,430 - This is about us. 302 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,932 I came here asking you to help me. 303 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,392 - And I'm trying to help you. 304 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,270 Being Don Geiss' guy just became a liability. 305 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,522 - I spent the last 30 years trying to be that guy. 306 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,611 - Well, you're never gonna be, 'cause no one is! 307 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,002 That world doesn't exist anymore! 308 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,236 You're making me sound just like my mother! 309 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,112 - Someone like you couldn't possibly understand. 310 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,947 - Jack. - I'm going to Connecticut. 311 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,116 I'm gonna stand by my man, 312 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:45,747 which is the song that I sang to Don at his promotion dinner. 313 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,416 - Excuse me, miss Maroney. 314 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,148 Would you be interested in going to Mr. Jordan's show tonight? 315 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,574 I know he could use your support. 316 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,837 - I don't think so. 317 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,257 If I wanted to see a black guy make a fool of himself, 318 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,384 I'd have sex with k-fed again. 319 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,137 - I'm just worried Mr. Jordan may not Egot. 320 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,473 He has no idea what he did in his show last night. 321 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,684 And without my wallet, I don't even have my lucky rabbit spine. 322 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,561 I don't know what's gonna happen. 323 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:09,955 - I'll tell you what's gonna happen. 324 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:10,647 It's gonna be a disaster. 325 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,607 The man is not an actor 326 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,419 and has no business being on the Stage. 327 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,169 Why, with a curtain five hours from now, 328 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,588 it would take the greatest acting coach 329 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,465 the world has ever seen to make his show a success. 330 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,949 Fine, I'll do it! 331 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:26,931 - Sign in. We're running behind today. 332 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,833 We'll be with you as soon as we can. Bobsled. 333 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,696 - This is Wesley. 334 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,990 Hello? 335 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:10,999 ♪ ♪ 336 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:16,587 Can you tell me why you come up on my phone as future wife? 337 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:21,050 - Would you like to get coffee? 338 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,462 Mine was actually an infection in the right rear molar 339 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,930 caused by some loose bristles from an off-brand toothbrush 340 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,502 that I had to buy over Christmas, 341 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,392 'cause my mom threw away my old snoopy one. 342 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:32,937 Wow, this is not interesting. 343 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:42,113 I don't know what caused my root-canal situation. 344 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:47,452 - Well, British people have notoriously bad teeth, 345 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,078 so... 346 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,581 - I've never heard that. 347 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:52,873 - Really? 348 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,585 You've never heard people make jokes about British teeth? 349 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:58,296 - None of the brits I know have a situation with their teeth. 350 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,214 - Well, it's just a thing people say. 351 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,401 - Like when they say older women have bread back. 352 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,509 - What's bread back? 353 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,404 - A loaf of back fat between a woman's bra 354 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:06,596 and her giant underwear. 355 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,931 - No, that's not a thing. People don't say that. 356 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,308 - Not to you, no. 357 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,353 - I think we're getting off on the wrong foot here. 358 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,563 - It's turned into a bit of a situation. 359 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:20,109 - You use that word too much. 360 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,031 Both: So any siblings? 361 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,366 - Wow. 362 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,201 - God. 363 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,621 - Mr. Welch, it's good to see you again. 364 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,623 - Please, John, call me Jack. 365 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,333 - I actually go by Jack as well. 366 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,502 - I don't think so. 367 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,712 - Well, I'd like to talk to Don. 368 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,339 I know he's here. 369 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,050 - He is here. But he's dead. 370 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,260 What? 371 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,592 - He died three weeks ago. 372 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,889 The company wanted to keep it quiet 373 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,183 until the deal went through, so I've been... 374 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,060 - hiding him in your freezer, 375 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,832 just like we did with hiram Sheinhardt 376 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,188 during the rca deal. 377 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,607 - Look, I know how much Don meant to you, 378 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,419 and if you need to pass some eye water, 379 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,362 I'll be happy to go out and get you some weakness tissues. 380 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,454 - No, I'm not crying in front of Jack Welch... 381 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,574 Neutron Jack, and I'm not giving up. 382 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,119 Don Geiss wanted this company kept intact. 383 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,497 And these people are from Philadelphia. 384 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,082 - Let it go, John! 385 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,752 It's over. 386 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,275 - Miss Lemon, how did the dentist's office go? 387 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,343 Did you meet Wesley? - I did meet him. 388 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,137 We even went out for coffee. 389 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,429 - And? 390 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,099 - And it was a disaster. 391 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:35,268 We were so awkward that the waitress gave us 392 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,936 separate checks without asking. 393 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:40,356 And a priest came over and asked us who we'd lost. 394 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,692 - But it has to work out. 395 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,694 - Does it? Do you have your wallet back? 396 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,404 Did I find my future husband? 397 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:50,366 Sometimes everything is just the worst, Kenneth. 398 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,206 Jack? - It's over, Lemon. 399 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,498 It's all over. 400 00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,333 - What? What's wrong? 401 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,335 - Don Geiss is dead. 402 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,045 - Oh, my god. 403 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:06,048 - They're selling NBC to a company called Kabletown, 404 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,467 with a "k." 405 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:08,758 - Oh, yeah. 406 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,387 My parents have Kabletown down in Pennsylvania. 407 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,348 It's a fine and generous company. 408 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,060 - My dream, the dream I've had since I was a child, is gone. 409 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,480 I'll never be the CEO of the general. 410 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,357 - Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry. 411 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:27,153 Will I still be able to turn in old cab receipts, 412 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,071 or do you think... I'm sorry. 413 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:30,531 I don't know what to say. 414 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,576 Maybe you should talk to Avery. 415 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,912 - I don't know about Avery anymore. 416 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:39,123 She's probably distancing herself from me as we speak. 417 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,251 I'm alone. 418 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:43,703 I'm the protege of a dead man 419 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,672 at a company that no longer exists. 420 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,925 Wait. Did you hear that? 421 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:53,596 That's the sound of me being erased from contact lists 422 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:54,972 all around the world. 423 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:58,100 - Yeah, well, I hear something else. 424 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,312 It's the hug plane coming in for a landing. 425 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:04,607 - You're cleared for approach. 426 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:11,405 - Acting is about consistency and control. 427 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,115 - Got it... no farting. 428 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,687 - I'm gonna teach you the skills 429 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,637 that will allow you to perform your show every night. 430 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:19,163 Let us begin with elocution. 431 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,540 Repeat after me. 432 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,083 - After me. - No, Tracy. 433 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,001 - No, Tracy. - No, stop it. 434 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,413 Not this part. - No, stop it. 435 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,464 Uh, we got to start over. I farted. 436 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,509 - To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock 437 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,136 awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock. 438 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,056 - To sit in darkness in a sharp, sharp shop 439 00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,849 in darkness and sitting in the sharp. 440 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,227 This is stupid. - This is not stupid. 441 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,647 These are the building blocks of the craft of acting... 442 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,191 Something I have dedicated my life to 443 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,486 ever since my very first job as baby stuck in well 444 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,058 in a commercial for well guards. 445 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,366 Well guards... 446 00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,493 Guard your well... 447 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:58,911 Well. 448 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,414 - I remember that commercial. 449 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,541 You were a fat baby. 450 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,085 - Well, maybe we're just gonna have to agree 451 00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,920 to disagree on the acting process. 452 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,672 - You have no process. 453 00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,764 Acting is the discipline of being someone else 454 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,049 at all times. 455 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,218 - I don't know. 456 00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,012 When I'm acting, I just do me, 457 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:17,597 and people seem to love it. 458 00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,283 - Well, then I guess you don't need my help. 459 00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,475 Go out there and be yourself. 460 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:25,771 Go onstage and read the damn phone book for all I care. 461 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,732 - What are you gonna do, Mr. Jordan? 462 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,984 Do you think you can repeat your performance? 463 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,236 - Your performance. 464 00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:35,489 - Liz... 465 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,949 Do you work here? - Yeah. 466 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,492 Remember, at coffee, 467 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,119 you said you hadn't seen the show, 468 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:41,120 but you'd heard bad things. 469 00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,331 - Uh-huh. - What are you doing here? 470 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,541 - I'm supposed to meet Kenneth Parcell. 471 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:46,334 I found his wallet. 472 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,210 - What? 473 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,589 - You must be my wallet angel. 474 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,466 - No. This is not possible. 475 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:54,758 - But it is. 476 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,052 I knew my wallet would turn up. 477 00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:57,553 And it did. 478 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:01,557 - No, Kenneth, this is Wesley from the dentist's office. 479 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:02,850 - Oh, my goodness. 480 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,811 This is the guy from the dentist's office. 481 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,230 He found my wallet. 482 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,234 I'm either very happy right now, 483 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,153 or I'm having a pretty bad donkey spell. 484 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,659 I'm okay. It'll pass. 485 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,286 - This is crazy. 486 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,330 I guess we have to give it another shot. 487 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:27,083 - I guess we do. 488 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,043 - Dinner tonight? - Perfect. 489 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,253 Do you like Tex-mex? 490 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,339 - No, I don't. 491 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,842 See you there. 492 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,334 - The fcc will now investigate 493 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,596 this large-scale, multimillion-dollar sale 494 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:41,430 to Kabletown. 495 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,225 And now the $5.6 billion question... 496 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,517 Who will take the reins 497 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,311 of the cable giant's new acquisition? 498 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:50,147 According to my sources, the clear frontrunner... 499 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,942 Current G.E. executive Jack Donaghy. 500 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,736 The people I'm talking to say he's the only guy out there 501 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,656 with the programming experience, business savvy, 502 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,534 and piercing Blue eyes of a siberian husky 503 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,369 that the job requires. 504 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,889 I'm told Donaghy was instrumental 505 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,974 in making this deal happen, and I spoke to him earlier. 506 00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:11,335 He refused to speculate but did say, and I'm quoting here, 507 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,714 "I'm going to celebrate by buying my lady friend 508 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,298 "that necklace she pointed out 509 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,260 and then cooking her a western omelet." 510 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,552 End quote. 511 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,973 - And then I'm gonna braid your hair. 512 00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,142 Jack Donaghy's office, 513 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,476 please hold. 514 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,037 Jack Donaghy's office, please hold. 515 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,479 Jack Donaghy's office, please hold. 516 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:34,108 Jack Donaghy's office, please hold. 517 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:37,777 - "Karsfeld, Ruben m. 518 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,029 "Klarvat, Yuri. 519 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:41,240 "Klausen, Igor. 520 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,950 "Klesteren, Robert. 521 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,702 "Kletzko, Harold. 522 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,620 Kluber, Tatiana." 523 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,123 - I'm his acting teacher. 524 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,667 - "Mordenay, Lorenzo. 525 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,419 "Jinlo, Martin. 526 00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,087 "Rodman, Gill. 527 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,089 "Takahamo, Jessica. 528 00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:01,051 "Thermopolis, Dorothy. 529 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:04,513 Lipowitz, Lauren." 530 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:07,433 - Bravo! Triumph!