1 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:04,670 - Good morning, Lemon. 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,256 - Ugh. I hate January. 3 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:07,925 It's dark and freezing, 4 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,577 and everyone's wearing bulky coats. 5 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,595 You can do some serious subway flirting 6 00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,407 before you realize the guy is homeless. 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,184 Work is awful. 8 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,353 Everyone's snippy and tense. 9 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:21,485 - Well, the lack of sun makes people depressed. 10 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,273 It's called seasonal affective disorder. 11 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,443 - Oh, is that where the word "sad" comes from? 12 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,175 - What? You think "sad" is an acronym 13 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,446 invented by psychologists? 14 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,740 - I've been stuck inside playing online boggle. 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,072 It's messing with my head. 16 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,744 Star, rats, arts, tars. 17 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,581 - It's from Nancy. 18 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,834 She said she's in line behind the female Larry bird. 19 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,126 Oh, god. 20 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,169 There's a photo. 21 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,004 - Oh, come on. 22 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,840 How is female Larry bird holding hands with a guy? 23 00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,300 What am I doing wrong? 24 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,761 What's that for? 25 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,114 - I'm telling Nancy that I'm with female Kevin McHale. 26 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,018 - So what's going on with you and Nancy, anyway? 27 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,059 - We're just friends. It's platonic. 28 00:00:59,351 --> 00:00:59,977 I have elaborate fantasies 29 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,312 of her husband dying in a boat explosion. 30 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,231 - But she's getting divorced, right? 31 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,750 - Well, she hasn't mentioned it. 32 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,814 It's not the sort of thing 33 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,443 you discuss by text or email. 34 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,571 - Well, this is my stop. 35 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,907 Stop. Pots. Tops. Opts. Post. 36 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,199 Morning, Kenneth. 37 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,493 - Good morning, miss Lemon. 38 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:17,785 I'm sorry. 39 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:19,705 I didn't mean to snap at you. 40 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,249 I've got winter madness. 41 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,002 - Lutz, do the right thing. 42 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,003 - What's going on? 43 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,297 - It's Lutz's turn to pick where we eat today. 44 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,257 - Oh, boy. Lutz, don't do this. 45 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,883 - It's my turn to pick. 46 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,343 I'm the picker. 47 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:34,970 - Lutz, look at me. 48 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,513 It's a long year. 49 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:37,805 Think of the group. 50 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,766 - Subway. - I hope you die! 51 00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,311 - Are you out of your mind? 52 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,104 - Whoa, you guys. Calm down. 53 00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:46,398 I know we're all tired and cranky, 54 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,984 but we just got to get to the end of the season. 55 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,276 And, hey, who knows? 56 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,822 Maybe some people won't be coming back next year. 57 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,158 - I don't care. Worth it. 58 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,219 I hate the new guy. 59 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,243 - Loser. 60 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:10,339 ♪ ♪ 61 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,895 - Oh, hello. 62 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:26,688 - Hey, Jack. 63 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,190 Go to the... - -Portant... 64 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,775 Ing over the... Octopus. 65 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,067 - Nancy, I'm sorry. 66 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:31,777 The audio's bad. 67 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,820 Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant 68 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:34,821 if my computer is always... 69 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,113 - Jack. 70 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:36,948 I'm messing with you. 71 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,701 - Oh, very funny, Donna. The... 72 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,871 - aw, the computer froze. 73 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,415 Nice. 74 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,668 So, uh... 75 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,159 To what do I owe the pleasure? 76 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,588 - I wanted to tell you I'm coming down to New York. 77 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,880 - Oh, really? When? 78 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,800 - June 5th. For my son's graduation. 79 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,968 - So five months from now. 80 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,470 Okay. 81 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,515 - Well, maybe you'll come up here before then? 82 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,600 - Well, my 25th reunion 83 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,269 from Harvard business school is... 84 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,561 June 5th. 85 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,149 That's too bad. 86 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:12,651 Well, I should go. 87 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,663 I got to scrape the icicles off the gutters. 88 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,362 I'm tired of waking up 89 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,322 to a porch full of dead squirrels. 90 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,658 - God, I miss Boston. 91 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:22,744 See ya. 92 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,036 - Liz, I have an idea. 93 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,622 Something to boost morale. 94 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:26,623 - Pete, no. 95 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:27,915 I listened to you 96 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,143 when you wanted to take the staff 97 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,447 to see that "r" rated hypnotist, 98 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,711 and that sucked. 99 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:32,921 - He was pretty bad. 100 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,133 Nutmeg. 101 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:41,054 Rodeo, rodeo, rodeo. 102 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,282 Look, I think we can take the show to Miami for a week. 103 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,975 - What? Can we afford to do that? 104 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,987 - If we do it on the cheap, double up rooms. 105 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,395 Think about it, Liz. Florida. 106 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:49,687 I can rent a convertible, 107 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,811 you can complain about the heat with elderly people. 108 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,152 - I can sell this to Jack. 109 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,570 Cross promotional, 110 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,029 deal mechanics, 111 00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,364 revenue streams, 112 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,782 jargon, 113 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,327 synergy. 114 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,419 - That's the best presentation I've ever seen. 115 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,914 Get started right away. 116 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,499 - Whoo! 117 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,042 - One little thing. 118 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,420 Instead of Miami, make it Boston. 119 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,756 - But I... I bought a parrot shirt. 120 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,634 Whoo! Okay. 121 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:20,594 Exciting news, guys. 122 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:25,515 This week, TGS is going on the ♪ road ♪ 123 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,894 - There's a rumor that it's Miami. Is it Miami? 124 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:29,895 - Close. 125 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,522 It is a city with an NBA team. 126 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,982 And even though will Smith 127 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,193 never wrote any raps about it, 128 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:40,405 the poet Robert lowell lived there. 129 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:41,883 - Okay, we're going to Boston. 130 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:42,907 No one's happy about it. 131 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,594 Oh, it's freezing there. 132 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:45,898 - No, no, no, it's gonna be fun. 133 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,412 How? Their bars close at 2:00. 134 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,665 - You know, I went to college in Boston. 135 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,251 Well, not in Boston, but nearby. 136 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,543 No, not tufts... 137 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,880 - shut up. It's 14 degrees up there. 138 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,892 How is that supposed to make us feel better? 139 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,675 - Harvard. - You have been told to shut up. 140 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,511 Come on. Silver lining. 141 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,930 It's a fun vacation on the show's dime. 142 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,556 - Fyi, to pay for this vacation, 143 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,183 we need to cut some corners, 144 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,955 so we sill be doubling up hotel rooms, 145 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,770 and we are going by bus. 146 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,104 By bus? 147 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,124 - Also, there is no Spectravision or Internet 148 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:15,732 in the hotel, 149 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,859 so plan ahead, gentlemen, porn-wise. 150 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,450 - Did Pete just say we're doubling up rooms? 151 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:26,742 - Did he? 152 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:27,869 Oh, this is the worst. 153 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,921 - Well, what if, uh, you and I room together? 154 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,332 - Oh, no. Toofer and I already talked about it. 155 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,251 - You can't have talked about it! 156 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,378 You just said you didn't even know about it. 157 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,630 - You think I like sharing a room with Toofer? 158 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,966 Dude is still playing that Obama song. 159 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:45,095 And yeah, I know you're standing there! 160 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,514 - Hey, fellas, we're getting Tracy his own room, 161 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,086 so I assume you two will pair up? 162 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,182 - Why would you just assume we would room together? 163 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,578 - Why would he assume we wouldn't? 164 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,080 - I don't know. Maybe because one of us 165 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,704 still hasn't read the other's screenplay. 166 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,772 - I read it. 167 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,775 I just didn't like it. 168 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,489 - Hey, Cerie, I thought you and I could be roommates. 169 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,242 Go out, meet guys, share clothes like twinsies. 170 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,534 What size are you? 171 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,429 - Usually designers just make clothes for me, 172 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,789 but when I do buy stuff, I'm a child's medium. 173 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,958 - Well, I only wear designer labels. 174 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,751 These are Jamie foxx for assfarm. 175 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,145 - But I can't room with you. 176 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,489 Sue and I already talked about it. 177 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,257 - Why? You know Sue says stuff about you behind your back. 178 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,068 - She always says stuff to me about you. 179 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:24,801 - Wait, what? 180 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,177 I was making my thing up. 181 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,096 You bitch! 182 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,283 What did you tell her, you Vondruke? 183 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,601 - Liz Lemon, I can't go to Boston. 184 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,269 - Oh, Tracy, come on. 185 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,561 - You don't understand. 186 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,480 I get in trouble on the road. 187 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,772 Thank you, thank you. 188 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,179 It's great to be here, Cleveland. 189 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,318 - You suck. 190 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,235 - I suck? 191 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,237 The rock and roll hall of fame sucks! 192 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,489 - Oh, yeah? - Hello. 193 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,491 The road is a minefield, L.L. 194 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,744 All those angry drunks and new temptations? 195 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,263 - Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. 196 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,567 This Boston thing is Jack's idea. 197 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,041 - That stupid, Irish piece of...! 198 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,626 Oh, boy. 199 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,588 Boston is not gonna go well. 200 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,719 - ♪ WBHD, Boston ♪ 201 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,890 - Hey, leave him alone. 202 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,391 Stop it. 203 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,683 - Miss Lemon. 204 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,103 These gentlemen are the writers for bruins beat, 205 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,497 whose offices we'll be sharing. 206 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,940 They are all named Sean. 207 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,401 They are mean, and I hate it here. 208 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,796 - Liz, Mr. Donaghy would like to see you in his office... 209 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:26,820 What? What? 210 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,907 - Boys, come on. 211 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,200 - Ow! Ow! 212 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,577 Please! Please help! 213 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,372 Please! Please! 214 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,021 - You've got to be kidding me. 215 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,940 - What, are you not using an office-replication service 216 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,044 while we're here in Boston? 217 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,256 - Is it identical? 218 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,218 - Not quite. 219 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,095 Seven items are different. 220 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,056 See if you can spot which ones. 221 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,977 So how's the show looking for Friday? 222 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,229 - Like it may not happen, actually. 223 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,332 - Oh, that'll really disappoint your key demographic 224 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,065 of drunken 11 -year-olds. 225 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,484 - Look, I know for you this is all just a way 226 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,376 to meet married ladies, but it is my job. 227 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:06,987 - Let me give you some advice 228 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,030 on uniting a dividing people... 229 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,865 Find a common enemy. 230 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,157 - A common enemy? 231 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:12,742 - For example, 232 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,619 what keeps people polite on airplanes? 233 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,871 A shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms 234 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,164 they're forced to watch. 235 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,696 - No, I understand the concept, 236 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:20,829 because with these dummies, 237 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,461 the common enemy is always me. And I'm sick of it. 238 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,147 I'm not gonna be the bad guy this time. 239 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,851 - Then find someone else. I recommend Lutz. 240 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,633 Why do I always want to choke that guy? 241 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,218 - You just do. But that is not... 242 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,052 - am I interrupting? 243 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,014 - Of course not. 244 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,890 - Oh. - Oh. 245 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,481 You're not a part of this, Liz. 246 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,990 Why didn't you tell me you were coming up here? 247 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,392 - I wanted it to be a surprise. 248 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:49,797 And I hope that you and of course Mark 249 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,101 will come to the show on Friday. 250 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,156 - I can't believe 251 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,843 I'm in the same building as bruins beat. 252 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,869 Come on. Give me a tour. - Of course. 253 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,996 - Ooh, actually I'm gonna tag along. 254 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,957 I still haven't had a formal tour of the facility. 255 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,169 So I'm gonna... Stay here. 256 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,754 - Why the long face? 257 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,797 Your boss there making your life miserable? 258 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,299 - It's complicated, Sean. 259 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,776 - Yeah, I know what it's like. 260 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,094 I'm the head writer at bruins beat. 261 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,929 Trying to have it all... 262 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,515 It's wicked hard. 263 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,770 - Is this where they do the news? 264 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,438 - It's small, isn't it? 265 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,523 I find that news anchors and breasts 266 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,776 are always smaller than they look on TV. 267 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,152 You can try it. 268 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:32,697 - Feel like Chet Curtis and Natalie Jacobson. 269 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,866 Tonight's top story, 270 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,158 a worcester man accused 271 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,036 of trading his foster son for gasoline. 272 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,454 - And later in the hour, 273 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,581 ten tips on how to make your cat's birthday 274 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,208 go purr-fectly. 275 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,461 Back to you, nat. 276 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,879 Nancy, are you okay? 277 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,171 - Oh, god. 278 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:53,134 I swore I wasn't gonna cry in front of you. 279 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,426 Mark left. 280 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,888 Yesterday. He took a job in New Orleans. 281 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,890 - What? What about his roofing company? 282 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,850 - Apparently Brad Pitt and Sharon stone 283 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,103 did a crap job rebuilding those Katrina homes, 284 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,314 and Mark thinks he can make a fortune down there. 285 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,624 But I know the real reason he left. 286 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,651 He wants to force me to be the one to ask for the divorce. 287 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,820 - So you guys are having problems? I'm sorry. 288 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,238 - Oh, Jack, it's a mess. 289 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,573 Suddenly he has his own bank account. 290 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,625 We've had our house on the market for a year, 291 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,578 and neither one of us know what to do about the dog, 292 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:21,454 'cause we both hate it. 293 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,414 - Have you talked openly about divorce? 294 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,250 - Yeah, we talked to Dr. Phil, 295 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,919 and then we made a collage in our dream journals. 296 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:28,920 No. 297 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,292 You know how it is up here. 298 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:30,964 People don't talk. 299 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,549 They just run off to New Orleans 300 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,510 and jump on that B.S. saints bandwagon. 301 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,470 Go pats. 302 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:40,640 - Oh, Donovan, I hate seeing you like this. 303 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,212 - Well, I... I got to get going. 304 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,893 I... I got an open house tomorrow, 305 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,538 and Mark was supposed to shovel the walk 306 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,729 and salt the carport. 307 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,221 - I can barely understand you, 308 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:49,638 but let me help while I'm here. 309 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,317 - Do you know how to rewire a doorbell? 310 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,404 - I do if you can resuscitate an electrocuted person. 311 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,866 - Can you wire the doorbell to the dog? 312 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,200 - Okay, that's lunch. 313 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,369 - Dude, why do you keep fixing my spelling? 314 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,245 We're back in at 3:00. 315 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:05,248 No, 3:30. 316 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:06,958 Enjoy the town, everyone. 317 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,293 You're welcome. 318 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:09,878 Now who would like to join me 319 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,504 on a morale-boosting tour 320 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:14,507 of Boston's historic freedom trail? 321 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,092 - Ooh, I would... 322 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,052 N't. 323 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,584 - Now what am I supposed to do? 324 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,222 I got free time in a strange city. 325 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,409 - Why don't you come on the freedom trail with me? 326 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,226 It's an educational walking tour. 327 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,227 - Purr-fect! 328 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,021 Like a cat birthday. 329 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:31,107 How could I possibly get in trouble on a walking tour? 330 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,942 - Smash-cut to... 331 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,195 - And I, John Hancock, 332 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,572 with one stroke of my pen, 333 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,074 set all Americans free. 334 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,368 - You lying, white devil! 335 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,995 The only people you set free 336 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,664 were rich, white dudes like yourself! 337 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:49,667 - I think my good friend and supervisor Paul revere 338 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:50,959 can address that. 339 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,462 - I'm out, Kenny. 340 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,505 - Hey, you know what? We're gonna go. 341 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:55,797 - Man, no. 342 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,176 Most dudes that signed that declaration of independence 343 00:11:58,468 --> 00:11:59,468 owned slaves! 344 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,596 What about you, John Hancock? 345 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:02,888 - Well, technically, 346 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,725 I just inherited my slaves. 347 00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:06,601 - I knew it. 348 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,560 For a dude that has 349 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,979 the most hilarious last name I ever heard, 350 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,272 you blow. 351 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,233 We didn't land on Plymouth rock. 352 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:16,444 Plymouth rock landed on Mars! 353 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,736 - All right. 354 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,197 Give it a try. 355 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,033 - 'Kay. 356 00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:27,788 - Ugh. 357 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,958 I have many other valuable skills. 358 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,477 - It'll be the new owner's problem. 359 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,253 Just like the water heater. And the ghost. 360 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,630 - Well, it is a buyer's market right now. 361 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,842 I think it'll turn around in the next year or so. 362 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,084 - Oh, I can't wait that long. 363 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,320 I got to sell this place if I want to get divorced. 364 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,344 - What do you mean? 365 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,179 - Well, there's no money, Jack. 366 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,223 If I can get some cash out of this place, 367 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:46,891 then I can start a new life. 368 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,559 Buy a condo in Marina bay. 369 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:52,021 Open a store for redheaded girls to buy cosmetics... 370 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:55,191 From someone who understands. 371 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,777 - So you need to sell this house to get divorced? 372 00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,153 - Basically. 373 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:03,908 You looking for a country estate in waltham? 374 00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,370 There it is. See? 375 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,342 - Why did you even get to pick lunch again? 376 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,581 - Because it's my birthday. 377 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:11,953 And thanks for remembering. 378 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,876 I'm 45. It's kind of a big deal. 379 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,920 - Who orders food from a gas station? 380 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,964 - The shell by me has good hot dogs. 381 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,050 - Guys, guys, come on. 382 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,422 We're all in this together. 383 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,677 - Shut up, Liz. 384 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:24,929 This is your fault. 385 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:25,805 - It's not my fault. 386 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,257 I tried to do something nice. 387 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,348 It was Jack... 388 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,851 - sure, find a scapegoat. 389 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:33,229 Just like John Hancock did with the good King George. 390 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,107 - Jack made us come to Boston. 391 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,525 - This isn't about Boston. 392 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,944 - Boston was just the match that lit the powder keg. 393 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,989 Like the tragic events at Lexington and Concord. 394 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,281 - That's right. - Yes. 395 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,687 - We are sick of the long hours, 396 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,035 the crappy food, 397 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,494 sharing offices with 398 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,122 the one black guy in New York who sucks. 399 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,766 - Getting stuck with new cast members 400 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,458 who don't even hit on us once. 401 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,501 - Stop trying to send dirty text messages 402 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:56,793 to my land line, Jenna. 403 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:57,545 - And the winter. 404 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:58,880 Oh, lord. 405 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,173 The winter. 406 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,300 - Really? You're blaming me for winter? 407 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,093 - Well, we've got to blame someone. 408 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,762 Who's it gonna be if it's not you? 409 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,174 - You want someone to blame? 410 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:11,142 I'll give you someone to blame. 411 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,602 Dale Snitterman. 412 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,854 - Okay, I'm out. 413 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,466 - Who the hell is Dale Snitterman? 414 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,233 - Dale Snitterman is the guy at NBC 415 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,111 who makes all the decisions that make us unhappy. 416 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,780 Snitterman is the one 417 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,907 who cancelled taco night in the commissary. 418 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,659 Snitterman is the one who okayed that cast photo 419 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,071 where your hair looks green. 420 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,746 He's the one who keeps rejecting 421 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,165 your "summer shorts for the pages" idea. 422 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,777 - Sounds like one of King George's 423 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,251 hated tax collectors. 424 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,171 - Exactly. Thank you, Tracy. 425 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,703 You guys think I'm the bad guy? 426 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,007 Fine. I don't care. 427 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,927 But I fight for you every day. 428 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,054 And if Dale Snitterman had his way, 429 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,847 the show wouldn't even be on. 430 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,140 - That Vondruke! 431 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:54,435 - And all we can do to get back at him 432 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,522 is put on the best damn show that we can, 433 00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,232 and not give him the satisfaction 434 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:01,192 of everybody turning on each other. 435 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:02,610 Or me. 436 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:03,486 - Yeah. 437 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:04,778 - Yeah. 438 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,156 - Yeah! Yeah! 439 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,866 - I love you guys. 440 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,873 - You wanted to see the world's greatest Manager? 441 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,334 - Is Kiyoshi Kawashima of Honda here? 442 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,753 - No, it's me. I'm a genius. 443 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,256 I made up a fake NBC executive 444 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,842 and blamed everything that has ever gone wrong on him. 445 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,343 - The imaginary enemy. 446 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,178 Classic move, Lemon. 447 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,098 The Salem witch trials, the red scare, global warming. 448 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,826 Now that you've cleaned up your little mess, 449 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,370 I'll need to borrow some of your people 450 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,562 to go to an open house in waltham for me. 451 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:38,854 - Charlie what now? 452 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,398 - Nancy spilled everything. 453 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,315 Her husband left. 454 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,860 And they're getting divorced 455 00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,421 if she can find someone to buy their house. 456 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,155 - And that someone is you. 457 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,198 - I'm just going to be the money man. 458 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,343 The transaction will be conducted by one of your staff, 459 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,369 who will be operating under the alter ego 460 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,955 Silas Marymount-Peppercorn, 461 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,373 uh, a name I came up with. 462 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:58,958 - Oh, you should have come to me 463 00:15:59,250 --> 00:15:59,959 for your fake name. 464 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,879 My executive? Dale Snitterman. 465 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,297 - Amazing, Lemon. 466 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,029 Where do you come up with this stuff? 467 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,174 - Well, you know, 468 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,694 the creative process is always a mystery. 469 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,011 - I just wish I could get inside 470 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,096 that marvelous brain of yours. 471 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,388 Oh, wait. 472 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,476 I can. 473 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,521 - Okay, in this instance, 474 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,316 the creative process was that I saw that name, 475 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:24,692 forgot that I saw it, 476 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,195 and said it later. 477 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:33,201 - Then, in 1754, I graduated from university 478 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,619 here in Boston. 479 00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:37,538 Well, not in Boston, but nearby. 480 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,040 No, not tufts. 481 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,333 - Don't listen to him! 482 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,835 We fell for his lies 300 years ago. 483 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,795 Don't let this slave-owning time traveler 484 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:45,713 fool us again! 485 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,634 - Excuse me, John Hancock was a patriot. 486 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,126 - Then patriots are overrated. 487 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,261 - Hey! 488 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,930 What'd you say about the patriots? 489 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,598 - I said they suck! 490 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,476 - Uh-oh. Here come the punches. 491 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,229 This was all Snitterman's fault. 492 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,734 - Are you here for the open house? 493 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,026 - Hello. 494 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,238 We are here from a different town for the open house, 495 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,781 because we are interested 496 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,908 in purchasing a house in this area. 497 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,910 - I'm Nancy, the owner. 498 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,082 - I am Silas Marymount-Peppercorn, 499 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,584 and this is my first wife... 500 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:24,876 Moronica. 501 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,755 - It's nice to meet you. I'm British. 502 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,758 - My wife and I have disparate levels of attractiveness, 503 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,969 because I am a successful inventor. 504 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,680 - Well, I got to be honest. I was wondering. 505 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:36,556 Well, all right. 506 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,033 It's a... it's a three bedroom, 507 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,517 and a partially-finished basement. 508 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,809 - Partially finished? 509 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,144 I'll take it! 510 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,732 - Dudes, you are not gonna believe this. 511 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,651 Snitterman is here. 512 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:49,943 - What? 513 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,171 - I was wandering around upstairs, 514 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,114 checking out the local cleaning lady talent, 515 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,324 and I found that son of a bitch's office. 516 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,033 - He's in Boston? 517 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,845 - We should go up there and mess him up 518 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,579 for all the crap he's put us through. 519 00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,289 Right, Liz? 520 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,127 - Let's get him! 521 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,712 - Yeah! 522 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,005 Kill! 523 00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,297 - Okay, don't... 524 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,884 Oh, boy. Okay. Oh, boy. 525 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,386 - You little bitch. 526 00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:16,345 - What? - Look at you. 527 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,014 You're just a suit. You're nobody! 528 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,600 - I don't even know why I was scared of this guy. 529 00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,035 - Look, there must be some mistake. 530 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,894 - Don't try to explain yourself, Snitterman. 531 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:25,313 You don't talk. 532 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,605 You don't talk at all. 533 00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:27,189 - Aah! 534 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,026 - Hey! Hey! Hey! 535 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,736 - Okay, I think he's really scared. 536 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,028 We've done enough here. 537 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:33,696 - Never. 538 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,781 Lutz! Truffle-shuffle him! 539 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,035 - Truffle shuffle! Truffle shuffle! 540 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:43,664 Truffle shuffle! - Hey, what are you...? 541 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,916 - Yeah, take that, Snitterman. 542 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,669 That's what you get for making us work late tonight. 543 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,378 - Yeah! 544 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:53,966 - We're working late tonight because of you! 545 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,920 - So how was the open house? 546 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,596 - Well, somebody actually came, for once. 547 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,181 Nice young couple. 548 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,974 Weird last name, though. 549 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,603 - I'm sure your name is weird to them. 550 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,105 Any reason to open this? Did they make an offer? 551 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,690 - No, they didn't. 552 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:10,982 - Really? Are you sure? 553 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,818 - Yeah. That house is never gonna sell. 554 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,390 I'm gonna take it off the market 555 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,052 and see what happens in a year or so. 556 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:16,697 - Well, what about your plans? 557 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,659 The condo? The store for pale teens? 558 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,952 - I can't run a store, make change for people. 559 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,284 - Have another open house. 560 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,896 I bet someone offers cash this time. 561 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,457 - Not with that broken doorbell. 562 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:27,416 - We'll have it fixed. 563 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:28,834 - I had an offer, okay? 564 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,270 For ten grand over the asking price. 565 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,629 - So what's the problem? 566 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,757 - The problem is that I've been married for 23 years. 567 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,009 The dumb house is just an excuse to stay put. 568 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,679 You know, I'm not ready for a new life, Jack. 569 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,472 - Not ready? Nancy, we're 50. 570 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,684 - Yeah, and that's too old to rush into anything. 571 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,328 You know, you're not from here anymore. 572 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,162 You know, down in New York people are like, 573 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,312 "let's get divorced. 574 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,730 "You marry the Butler, 575 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,440 and I'll be a gay octomom." 576 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,775 It's different here. 577 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:53,693 People judge you. 578 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,736 - Who cares what people around here think? 579 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,798 Your neighbors named their daughter belichick! 580 00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,007 - I don't want to talk about it anymore. 581 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,467 - Of course you don't want to talk about it, 582 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:02,811 you repressed, Irish maniac. - Don't want to talk about it. 583 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,221 - You must know that I have feelings for you. 584 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,287 - No. Not talking. 585 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,683 - I don't want to pressure you, but if you were divorced... 586 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,787 - no, let's go to Kelly's. Let's get some roast beef. 587 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,711 - Nancy, let me talk. 588 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,800 - I'll give you two words. 589 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:18,759 - Ten. 590 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,051 - Four. 591 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,971 Final offer. 592 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,389 - I'll wait. 593 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,558 Not forever. 594 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,309 - I'll try. 595 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,602 Wicked hard. 596 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,654 - Tracy, there you are. 597 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,490 I want you to meet my fellow revolutionary 598 00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:43,492 and dear friend, Crispus Attucks, 599 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,412 so you can see John Hancock has black friends. 600 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,123 - Uh-huh. And where did you two meet? 601 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:53,085 - Why, we met at the sons of Liberty gathering. 602 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:54,438 Uh, when was that, Crispus? 603 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,338 1775? 604 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,339 - Really? 605 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,258 So five years after 606 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,594 Crispus Attucks was killed in the Boston massacre? 607 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,554 - Run, Crispus. 608 00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,307 He... he's on to us!