1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,131 - Good show tonight, Mr. Jordan. 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,217 - Hey, Kenneth, why aren't your teeth glowing 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,051 in the black light? 4 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,503 - You'll have to ask the fella who whittled 'em for me. 5 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:16,600 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,018 - It's her, isn't it? 7 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:18,977 - I don't kiss and tell, Jack. 8 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,869 - Ahh, because you're a gentleman, Danny. 9 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,357 It's good to finally have another one of us around here. 10 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,108 - I'm just happy to be here. 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,360 A month ago I was doing a robot act on the street, 12 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:28,569 so I know my place. 13 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,364 I want to be TGS' Steve Nash. 14 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,324 Come down from Canada, work hard, 15 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,409 make the black guy look good. 16 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,221 - Did you just make a sports reference? 17 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,247 You know how little of that I get here? 18 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,998 - Look at me in the black light. 19 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,290 It's tron. 20 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,043 Watch out, sark. It's me, Flynn. 21 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,129 Light bike. 22 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,464 Good job tonight, Danny. 23 00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,091 Robot Lorenzo lamas was funny. 24 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,177 As was robot Ryan Seacrest and David Hasselbot. 25 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,469 - Hey, it's the writing. 26 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,055 - It's really not. 27 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:58,517 So now that Danny's here, 28 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,329 you actually come to the after-parties? 29 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,646 - It's nice to have another man around for once. 30 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,439 - Oh, there are other men... 31 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,109 ♪ ♪ 32 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,401 Oh, boy. 33 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,279 - It's not what you think! 34 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,323 It's something I need to wear to support my breasts! 35 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,468 - Lemon, I have season tickets to every sports team 36 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:16,492 in New York. 37 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,103 So close to the action, you'll feel 38 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,931 like you're sitting in front of an hd television 39 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:22,749 and they're wasted on you and your co-workers. 40 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:24,668 - Why won't they put me on the Jumbotron? 41 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:28,088 I've been doing cool stuff all game. 42 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:29,380 Whoo! 43 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,174 - But my biggest problem with quiddich is, 44 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,343 if the snitch is 150 points, 45 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,345 why does anyone bother with the quaffle? 46 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,726 - Hey, jeter! Are you jealous? 47 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:44,187 I'm with my new boyfriend! 48 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,599 - But now that Danny's here, 49 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,691 I have someone to do guy stuff with. 50 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,943 Have actual male conversations. 51 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,046 You know, he confided in me he's got a little something 52 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,350 going with one of the girls here. 53 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:56,074 Maybe it's that Russian dancer with the tattoos, 54 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,785 which is the crazy sex trifecta. 55 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,237 - That girl has a name, Jack. 56 00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,122 We call her "Skankovitch." 57 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,624 - I'm sure you disapprove. 58 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,235 But the workplace has a hierarchy, 59 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,668 and Danny is a star. 60 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,962 All the pretty little things down here 61 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,048 always want to be with the people up here. 62 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,340 - Whatever. 63 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,091 As long as he's discreet about it. 64 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,135 - It's a younger man's game, Lemon. 65 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,867 But I can't say that I don't miss it. 66 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,408 You'd be in your office late at night. 67 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,724 The new girl would come in with some flimsy excuse 68 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:21,725 to be there. 69 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:22,684 "Oh, Mr. Donaghy. 70 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,771 I forgot to give you the factory worker death rates." 71 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,689 Then she'd laugh at your lame joke. 72 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,566 A touch on the arm... 73 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:34,655 And you take your reward. 74 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,949 You take your reward. 75 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,409 - How drunk are you? 76 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,328 - A lot to very. 77 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:44,623 - Boy, that robot body paint does not wash off. 78 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,167 - Is it the body paint or is Danny just glowing 79 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:49,461 like a beacon of manly camaraderie? 80 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,254 Oh, god. 81 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:52,756 I'm extremely drunk. 82 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,425 - Oh, my. 83 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:06,603 ♪ ♪ 84 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,196 - Hey. 85 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,800 We got to get Danny out by 5:00 today. 86 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,584 I guess Jack's taking him to the Knicks game. 87 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,869 - Liz, I can't do girls' lunch today. 88 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,329 - We've never done that. 89 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,182 - Because I have an audition for gossip girl. 90 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,206 - Oh, I love that show. 91 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,458 - I play Tartine Gramercy, 92 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,419 an heiress to a vermouth fortune 93 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,087 and a freshman at NYU. 94 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,089 - Really? A college freshman? 95 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,900 - That's right. In this scene they gave me, 96 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:37,044 I'm fighting with my mother, 97 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,261 a washed-up actress who's clinging 98 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,054 to her last scraps of faded glamour. 99 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,389 - Uh-huh. 100 00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,283 It's interesting that they highlighted the mother's lines. 101 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,267 - Well, that's so I'll know what part not to read. 102 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,353 As if the word "mother" didn't tip me off already. 103 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,314 Wish me luck. 104 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:52,959 - We really should have said something. 105 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,252 What happens when she gets there 106 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,485 and finds out she's the mom? 107 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:56,777 - Oh, Pete, that's later. 108 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,107 Maybe we'll be dead by then. 109 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,574 - Oh, that'd be great. 110 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:02,786 - Sue, you're probably wondering why we asked you 111 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,536 to join the entourage. 112 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,581 Well, over the years, I've had a complicated relationship 113 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:10,333 with women, from my treatment of the dancers here 114 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,502 to my remarks about Madeleine albright 115 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,547 at the 1996 white house correspondents' dinner. 116 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,549 What? It's true. 117 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,218 She does look like one of those. 118 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,387 - Now that Mr. Jordan's having a daughter, 119 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,306 he wants to learn to give all women 120 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,183 the respect they deserve. 121 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,893 Even you foreigners. 122 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,328 - That's why I'm adding a daughter 123 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,352 to the entourage family. 124 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,190 Now what's on the schedule for today? 125 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:34,917 - "10:00 A.M. Dotcom shows up pictures 126 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,609 from his trip to Greece." 127 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,612 - I think I'm gonna go ahead and cancel that. 128 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:42,199 - Okay, I'll reschedule... Again. 129 00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,493 "11:00 A.M. go to strip club." 130 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,785 - I'll get the car. 131 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,287 - Hang on! No. 132 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,456 I don't think we should go to a strip club. 133 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,957 It just doesn't feel right. 134 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,649 I think we should let the new member 135 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,960 choose an activity. 136 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,879 - I like to go to Tasti D-Lite. 137 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,771 - I said we're not going to a strip club. 138 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:58,548 - Pinkberry? 139 00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,942 - What don't you understand? 140 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,428 I don't want to take you to a strip club. 141 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,348 - Oh, come on, you hoser! 142 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,518 - Hoser! 143 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,810 So what did you do after the party the other night? 144 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,564 - Well, my work friend and I went to her office. 145 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,024 - Ooh, she has an office. 146 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,543 Hey, is it that chick lawyer who does 147 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,927 the sexual harassment presentation? 148 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,320 Because she's asking for it. 149 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,155 Okay, no more guesses. Continue. 150 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,716 - All right, so we're getting into it, 151 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,926 and she takes off her glasses. 152 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,577 Real sexy. - Nice. 153 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,287 - But she never takes off her shoes, 154 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:30,580 which I kind of like. 155 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,290 Even though the reason is 156 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,942 she's never let a man see her feet. 157 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,961 - What? 158 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:36,920 - And she's kind of a tease. 159 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,256 Mostly we just kiss and then she makes me 160 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:40,983 go down to the deli to get her a sandwich. 161 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,510 So we haven't gone too far, but under that dress, 162 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,972 I can tell she's wearing some weird underwear. 163 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,515 I want to see it. 164 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,768 - They're called Spanx. 165 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,719 - Hello. - Jenna, thanks so much 166 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,314 for coming in. 167 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:57,107 This is Archeria. 168 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,359 She'll be reading with you. - Hi. 169 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,862 - Okay, Tartine has just discovered 170 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,532 videos of her boyfriend on her mother's online sex diary. 171 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,701 Both: "Mother, is there something I don't know 172 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,033 about you and Wainwright?" 173 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,371 - What are you doing? 174 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:12,703 - Sorry. Let's start over. 175 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,875 Both: "Mother, is there something I don't..." 176 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,336 - Jenna, you're reading the wrong lines. 177 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,630 - What do you mean? 178 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,382 I'm not playing the mo... 179 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,893 - You wanted to see me? 180 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,478 - Close the door, Lemon. 181 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,774 So we haven't talked about your personal life lately. 182 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,818 Anything new going on there? 183 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,486 - No. Same old nothing. 184 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,363 - Nothing? Really? 185 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,032 That's too bad. 186 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,284 'Cause you know what I always say, 187 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,827 black light attack! 188 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,454 - What? 189 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,746 Oh, boy. 190 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,957 That stuff does not wash off. 191 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:56,958 - You and Danny? 192 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,585 I would have guessed anyone else. 193 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,045 Jenna, Sue... 194 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,547 - all right, come on. 195 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:03,882 - How is this possible? 196 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,693 - Well, I don't know if you know this, Jack, 197 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,997 but the workplace is a hierarchy, 198 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,720 and I am Danny's boss. 199 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,239 Sometimes all the... 200 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,863 Pretty little things down here want to be 201 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,767 with the people up here. 202 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,019 And they come into your office late one night 203 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,646 with some flimsy excuse. 204 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,814 Hey, Liz. 205 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,826 I just want to show you this new iPhone app. 206 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,861 You shake it and it sounds like an empty can. 207 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:25,862 Huh? 208 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,994 My favorite apps are the ones before my entree. 209 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,201 Oh, my god. 210 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,173 That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. 211 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,205 So what are you up to right now? 212 00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,499 - And I took my reward. 213 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,111 - Lemon, you need to end this now. 214 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:39,709 - What? No. 215 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,378 Jack, you were just talking about 216 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,837 how you miss office hook-ups. 217 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:43,672 That is a double standard. 218 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,507 - Calm down. - I won't calm down. 219 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,943 Women are allowed to get angrier than men 220 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:47,967 about double standards. 221 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,093 - It's not about that. 222 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,513 Yes, I've had office relationships in the past, 223 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,723 but always with people that I could transfer 224 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,895 to another city or introduce to Nicolas Sarkozy. 225 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,644 Danny is on your show. 226 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,096 - Yeah, but it's not serious. 227 00:07:59,312 --> 00:07:59,813 - It's not serious yet. 228 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,524 End it before it starts affecting the show. 229 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,275 Fine. 230 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,861 I'll talk to him when he gets in. 231 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,031 - What did he do to the back of your knees? 232 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,536 - A lady never tells. 233 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,831 - Hey, buddy, you like Italian ice? 234 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,123 - Hey, watch your mouth! 235 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:22,043 She's only 34 years old! 236 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,044 K? 237 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,838 What's wrong with me? 238 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,730 First, I don't want to go to strip clubs, 239 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,717 and then I get angry at the hilarious dude 240 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,129 that says something awesome. 241 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,845 - There's nothing wrong with you, sir. 242 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,681 It's just you're treating Sue like family now. 243 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,558 That makes you feel protective of her. 244 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,202 - But I'm not like that with my sons. 245 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,686 When they were little, I threw them 246 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,688 in the deep end of our pool to help them 247 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,523 get over their fear of sharks. 248 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,483 - Well, it's different with girls. 249 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,335 You want to protect them from the world. 250 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,444 I'm proud of you, sir. 251 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:51,781 It's like a whole new part of your heart has opened up. 252 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,913 - Thank god, 'cause the doctors keep telling me 253 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,785 it's pretty clogged. 254 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,622 - The mother. 255 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,708 They wanted me to play the... Mother. 256 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,960 - Oh, boy. Okay, here we go. 257 00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,920 Pete! Jenna just got the... 258 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:08,423 - A mother? 259 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:09,715 I'm not a mother. 260 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,634 Would a mother be planning a sex tour 261 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:12,926 of Vietnam this spring? 262 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,763 - Just... just come on. 263 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,514 Look, you're a beautiful woman, 264 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:20,518 but you can't play prom queens and murdered runaways forever. 265 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,329 - But those were my majors at the royal tampa academy 266 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,855 of dramatic tricks. 267 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,648 - You can try to fight getting older. 268 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,984 You can be like Madonna and cling to youth 269 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,737 with your Gollum arms or you can be 270 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,782 like Meryl Streep and embrace your age with elegance. 271 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,742 - So you're saying it's a choice 272 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,078 between the dignity of middle age 273 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,621 and the illusion of youth. 274 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:40,955 - Two paths. 275 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,957 Meryl Streep or Madonna. 276 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:43,792 - Very well. 277 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,753 I will emulate my acting inspiration. 278 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,797 A woman of profound poise whose career 279 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,799 is what we all aspire to. 280 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:51,758 - Okay, this build-up is making me nervous. 281 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,970 - A woman whose feminine grace and normal outfits 282 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,010 are an inspiration. 283 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,822 - Just say who it is and I'll feel better. 284 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,032 - Someone whose very name stands 285 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,016 for enduring beauty and the wonder of womanhood. 286 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,061 - Please don't say... - Madonna! 287 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,064 Hey, Danny. 288 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:07,774 - Hey, Liz. 289 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,692 Look, I know we're supposed to pretape 290 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,736 that robot v. Wade cold open tonight, 291 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,404 but Jack said I can skip it and go 292 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:14,757 to the rangers game with him. 293 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:15,907 - Yeah, sure, you can go, 294 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,827 but, um, we have to talk. 295 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,162 - Okay. 296 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,666 - Richard, would you excuse us please? 297 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:25,958 - What's up? 298 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,836 - Meet me in my office in five minutes. 299 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,712 - Well, just let me change. 300 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,673 - Ah! Mmm, no. That won't be necessary... 301 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,008 Officer. 302 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:37,428 - What are you happy about? 303 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:38,800 Did we get canceled? 304 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,432 - Can't a girl just be happy? 305 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,012 Oh, no. Jenna, don't do this. 306 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,771 - Hang on. 307 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,124 I'm just tweeting that I ran into you. 308 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,816 This is so tandem. 309 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:50,525 - "Random," Jenna. 310 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,902 Those kids are saying the word "random." 311 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,821 - Ow! Come on, you guys! Stop it! 312 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,353 Turn it off, Frank. 313 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,615 - What's going on? 314 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,009 What are you doing to Cerie? 315 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,177 - Frank downloaded this high-pitched tone 316 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,911 that can only be heard by young ears. 317 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,621 - They use it in Japan to keep kids 318 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,583 from loitering outside of convenience stores. 319 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:07,542 - Cerie's the only one that can hear it. 320 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,085 The rest of us are too old. 321 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:10,420 - Oh! Not me! 322 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:11,713 I can hear it! 323 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,382 Oh! My ears are, like, dying. 324 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,676 Ahh! Facebook! 325 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:18,168 - Um, I already turned it off. 326 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,556 I also have this low-frequency tone 327 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:25,560 that can only be heard by people over 40. 328 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,104 - Have you started playing it yet? 329 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,775 - Ah! 330 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,821 Lemon, can I speak with you for a moment? 331 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,949 - What is happening to me? 332 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,304 - Danny and I were supposed to have lunch today. 333 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,805 Why didn't he show up? - I don't know. 334 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,229 Maybe he had something better to do. 335 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,625 - Well, I had a porterhouse for two alone. 336 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,336 I am very angry and sleepy. 337 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,756 This is from Danny's chips costume. 338 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,048 What is it doing here? 339 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,800 - Officer, what's going on up there? 340 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,011 - It's an accident. 341 00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,055 A really bad one. 342 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,765 Mmm. 343 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,476 - This badge is a symbol of dignity, honor, 344 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,437 and dramatized 1970s inter-ethnic California 345 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,089 daytime motorcycle highway justice. 346 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,775 - I'm sorry, Jack. I changed my mind. 347 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,961 - I'm trying to look out for the show here, Lemon. 348 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,046 - Yeah, I don't think you are. 349 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,780 While stuck in a pile-up 350 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,657 on the pacific coast highway earlier, 351 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,617 I realized something. 352 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,053 You take Danny away from work 353 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,277 whenever you want to hang out. 354 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,805 I don't think this is about the show. 355 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,456 I think you have some sort of problem 356 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,148 with the fact that Danny is with me. 357 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,960 - For four years I've had to make do 358 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,795 with what passes for men in this place. 359 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,965 With their untucked shirts, boneless faces, 360 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,967 their stars, both wars and trek. 361 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,552 I needed a man around here and I finally have one. 362 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,429 - No, I finally have one. 363 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,515 Liz Lemon has a handsome, goof-around, 364 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,807 make-out buddy. 365 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:47,850 - And that's the problem. 366 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,644 Danny can't be my Alpha-male wingman 367 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,688 and his boss'... 368 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,106 Little scrump nugget. 369 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,691 They're incompatible. 370 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,143 - Well, then I guess it's on. 371 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,694 May the best man win. 372 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:58,986 - Oh, he will. 373 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,032 - Where you going? 374 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,618 It's board game night. 375 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,620 - Out. - Out with whom? 376 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:08,912 - This guy Doug. 377 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,832 - Well, does Doug have a last name? 378 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,458 - Okay, everybody. Let's just... 379 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,002 - you can't make me stay here! 380 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,837 - You are a part of this entourage. 381 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,922 - I didn't ask to be in this entourage! 382 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,882 - Look! I know you didn't mean that. 383 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,510 - I do mean it. I'm not like you! 384 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,054 I'll never be like you! 385 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:31,019 - And now I'm at the point where I love just kissing. 386 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,147 We kiss for an hour, and it's totally enough for me. 387 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,523 - Uh-huh. 388 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,734 This is good guy talk. 389 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,746 - She has really thin lips, but she makes up 390 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,154 for it with tongue girth. 391 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,840 - Okay, maybe we just watch the game, 392 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,008 forget about girls for a night. 393 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,533 Yeah! 394 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,367 - Whoo! 395 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,939 - You know, my little cuddlebaby 396 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,179 loves to watch figure skating, 397 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:53,541 and I'm really starting to get into that. 398 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,144 - And now turning to women's health. 399 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,628 Our latest information on women's sexuality finds 400 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,172 female libido does tend to peak 401 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,549 in those years just before perimenopause 402 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,552 in what scientists and doctors like myself 403 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,964 are calling their dirty 30s. 404 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,740 Women are also looking at the latest... 405 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:11,392 - I got to go, Jack. 406 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,684 - What? 407 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:13,727 You're leaving? 408 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,854 It's only zero-zero. 409 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,523 - I'll talk to you in the morning. 410 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,859 - Liz Lemon. 411 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,903 Wow! 412 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,077 - That was a low blow last night, Lemon. 413 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:29,952 - What can I say, Jack? 414 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,724 I guess I'm getting a second wind here 415 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,151 at the tail end of my dirty 30s. 416 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,458 - This whole week has been such a bummer. 417 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,670 - Hey, when did we add this grizzly Adams sketch? 418 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,879 - I wrote it last night... Late. 419 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:45,134 The shirt should be... Filthier. 420 00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,154 - If you were a man, you would have to register 421 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,197 yourself as a sex criminal. 422 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,141 I'm taking Danny back. - Oh, good luck with that. 423 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,241 Remember, if it doesn't work out, 424 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,975 there's always Lutz. 425 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,066 - ♪ Forever young ♪ 426 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,859 ♪ I want to be ♪ 427 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,444 ♪ forever young ♪ 428 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,613 - Jenna, stop it! 429 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:06,906 - Ow. 430 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,033 - Look, you claimed that you want to be happy, 431 00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,618 but that's never gonna happen 432 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,620 until you are honest about who you are. 433 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:13,931 - That's easy for you to say. 434 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:15,998 I've built my career on a certain image 435 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,543 and you have no idea what I go through to maintain it. 436 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,462 The workouts, the lotions, pretending I wasn't 437 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,914 fourth runner-up at the miss teen bicentennial pageant. 438 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,133 - Ooh, that's... 439 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,111 - and you don't understand the fear I live with. 440 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,011 The fear of people ever seeing the real me. 441 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,471 - Yes, I do. 442 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,807 We all have secrets. 443 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,976 You know that I have something I've been hiding 444 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,936 from the world for 20 years. 445 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:37,812 - What are you talking about? 446 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:42,650 - If you come out as your real age, 447 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,486 I will reveal my friend Tom. 448 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,657 You would do that for me? 449 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:50,992 How long would it take? 450 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:51,784 - Well, if I do nothing, 451 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,829 he'll be here within 48 hours. 452 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,664 - Ow. 453 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,167 - Good morning, li... 454 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,804 - Oh... my... god. 455 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,973 - I'd like you all to meet Tom. 456 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,684 Tom Selleck. 457 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,060 He's my moustache. 458 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,771 - Thank you, Liz. 459 00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,648 It's funny. 460 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:27,904 All my "a-ha" moments end with a moustache pressed against me. 461 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,822 - There you are! 462 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:32,742 Kenneth and I were worried sick about you. 463 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,786 - I think Doug put something in my drink and I don't remember... 464 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,181 - that's not important anymore. 465 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,183 I want to talk to you about our fight the other night. 466 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:42,168 Look, having a girl in your life is different. 467 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,962 You want to protect her, and the best that you can hope for 468 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,881 is that someday a nice man will come 469 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:47,882 and take her from you. 470 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,467 That's it. 471 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,887 - Hey, Sue, I need you in the writer's room. 472 00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,779 I knew this day would come. 473 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,309 I just didn't think it would be so soon. 474 00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,481 You take good care of her. 475 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,276 - ♪ Forever young ♪ 476 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:12,198 ♪ I want to be forever young ♪ 477 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,910 ♪ do you really want to live forever ♪ 478 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,037 ♪ forever ♪ 479 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,329 ♪ and ever ♪ 480 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,499 ♪ forever young ♪ 481 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,419 ♪ I want to be forever young ♪ 482 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,755 - I don't know if I can go through this 483 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,047 with a real daughter. 484 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,424 - Yes, you can. 485 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,635 I know that was hard, but I bet 486 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:33,594 you wouldn't give up this week 487 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,930 with miss Laroche Vanderhoot for anything. 488 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,391 - No, I wouldn't. 489 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,309 Not for a billion doll hairs. 490 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,562 - I'm sorry. Did you say "doll hairs"? 491 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,605 - Yeah, they're not worth nothing. 492 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,657 You could probably sell 'em to a doll company 493 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,014 and get maybe 40 grand for 'em. 494 00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,153 - Danny. 495 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,322 Danny, I know. 496 00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,825 I know Liz is your secret work girlfriend. 497 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,620 I wanted to tell you, but she thought 498 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:00,371 we should be discreet. 499 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,290 I mean, we're just having fun. 500 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,583 - I know. 501 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:04,874 You need to end it now. 502 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,127 - What? Why? 503 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,629 - I never told anyone this. 504 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,561 And that's why if you ask people about it, 505 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,508 they won't know what you're talking about, 506 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,636 because it's a secret, not because it's a lie. 507 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,179 - Okay, I understand. - Good. 508 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,640 Now here's my secret. 509 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,811 My secret is... 510 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,396 I'm in love with Liz Lemon. 511 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:26,897 - What? 512 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,608 - It's true. 513 00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,276 It was love at first sight. 514 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:33,654 I ache for her sexually. 515 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,406 How could I not? 516 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:39,619 I'm entranced by those mud-colored eyes, 517 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,246 set back in... That skin. 518 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,498 And her laugh. 519 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,790 Her walk. 520 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,462 That splay-footed walk. 521 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,757 And that... 522 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,301 Whole situation right there. 523 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,136 And... 524 00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,971 Oh. 525 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,641 Moustache? 526 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,184 Good god, Lemon. 527 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,312 - Jack, I had no idea. 528 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:09,084 I mean, the last thing I want to do is screw up our friendship. 529 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,941 Me and Liz, I'll end it today. 530 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,985 - You'd do that for me? 531 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,277 - Mmm! - Whoa! 532 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,615 - Yeah, I think I'll be okay. 533 00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:18,907 - Oh, mother. 534 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,661 I can't believe you're dying of old age. 535 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,538 - Don't cry for me, Tartine. 536 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,582 I've had a full life. 537 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,501 Oh, the things I've seen. 538 00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:31,295 The first Clinton administration. 539 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,881 The Nagano Olympics. 540 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,509 Microsoft windows '95. 541 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:40,554 But I'm 41 now. 542 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,473 Time to die. 543 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,893 - And cut! 544 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:59,657 - So Danny says that he and I can't hook up anymore. 545 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,658 - And I am taking him to the fight 546 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,110 at the garden tomorrow night. 547 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,661 I guess the best man won. 548 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:04,953 - Uh-huh. 549 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,804 Well, the reason that he gave me was that 550 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,291 someone else here is in love with me. 551 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,461 - It was my only move, Lemon, and it was hard, believe me. 552 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,505 - What did you say you loved about me? 553 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,882 Did you talk about my body? 554 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,885 Did you say how you like to watch me dance? 555 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,929 Yeah. You like that? 556 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,490 - You're embarrassing yourself, Lemon. 557 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,825 - Mm-hmm. It started out as a joke, 558 00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,684 but it's becoming real. 559 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:30,521 ♪ ♪ 560 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,273 I don't care! 561 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,442 I'm having a good time! 562 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:52,118 ♪ ♪ 563 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,129 All: Go, Lutz! 564 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:59,300 Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! 565 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,888 Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! 566 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,516 Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! Go, Lutz! 567 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,229 - Go to work, Lutz! Go to work, Lutz!