1 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:07,674 - Hey, Jack. 2 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,046 Did you dye your hair? - No. 3 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,511 No. 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,721 - So how was your new year's? 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,473 - Wonderful. My dear friend, 6 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,266 the deep-sea explorer Bob Ballard, 7 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,977 brought over a 2,000-year-old amphora of wine 8 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,355 from a sunken phoenician trading vessel. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:28,529 The wine turned out to be quite toxic. 10 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,659 My guests and I spent the stroke of midnight 11 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:37,329 in my garden... Vomiting. 12 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,331 - Oh, my god, sorry. - Don't be. 13 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,351 The whole night... The purging, the new year, 14 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,852 the vivid hallucinations of Astarte... 15 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,337 The phoenician goddess of sex and war... 16 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,381 It all wiped the slate clean. 17 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:49,341 - So... nancy Donovan... 18 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,944 - What happened before Christmas was a mistake. 19 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:54,805 She hasn't contacted me since, so clearly she agrees it's over. 20 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,807 - Well, that's healthy. A clean break. 21 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,183 - Exactly. A clean break. 22 00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,475 So what about you, Lemon? 23 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,812 Is your 2010 off to a good start? 24 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,748 - Well, I spent new year's Eve with my family, 25 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,190 which was actually very special. 26 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,482 My cousin Randy, 27 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,485 this kid from this rural coal mining town, 28 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,279 came out to us. 29 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,298 And I think old Liz Lemon had a little something 30 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,322 to do with that. 31 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,411 Randy's gay, everybody! He's gay. 32 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:21,540 I think everyone knew. 33 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:22,374 - Finally! 34 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,546 Over the break, I forgot what floor I worked on. 35 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:25,210 - Six, Tracy. 36 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,629 - Six! I knew it was a character from blossom, 37 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,561 but I couldn't find the Joey Russo button. 38 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,592 - Hold the door! 39 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,553 You guys, I had the most amazing new year's. 40 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:38,599 I met James Franco's Manager. It was like a fairy tale. 41 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,101 - My client, James Franco, he's actively looking 42 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,829 for a relationship with a human woman 43 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,688 to dispel certain unsavory rumors. 44 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,041 Are you available for a fake romance with a movie star? 45 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,425 - Does chewing on a sponge trick your brain's hunger center? 46 00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:52,654 Yes! Yes! A million times yes! 47 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,574 - So this is some arranged Hollywood relationship? 48 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,284 - With James Franco. 49 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,816 Can you believe they went to me 50 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,621 before ayiiia from the real world: Cancun? 51 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:01,912 - I think it's great. 52 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,725 The exposure will do wonders for you and TGS. 53 00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,509 Lemon, I want you and Jenna to have a meeting 54 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:08,062 with James Franco and make sure his Manager doesn't screw her. 55 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,171 - Too late! 56 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,783 Wait, which way did you mean that? 57 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,300 - I had a pretty amazing new year's too. 58 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,028 My wife and I are trying for a daughter, 59 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,804 and on new year's Eve I think I got Angie pregnant. 60 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,264 All: No, no, no, no. 61 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,225 - Okay, but I was gonna describe it real good. 62 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:34,647 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:46,947 - How was your new year's, sir? 64 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,127 - Perfect. 65 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,129 Oh, my god! 66 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,756 - As you know, on new year's, 67 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,092 I finally met my birth parents. 68 00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:59,763 So... thank you for asking about that! 69 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:00,722 - I called her, Lemon. - What? 70 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,226 - I called Nancy on new year's Eve at 3:42 A.M. 71 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,103 Damn that phoenician wine! 72 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:07,705 - And you don't remember doing it? 73 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,332 - The last thing I remember is going into a closet 74 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,233 and switching clothes with Bob Ballard. 75 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,669 - Look, I don't think you actually spoke to her. 76 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,933 You hit pound after the number. 77 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,237 I think you left a message. 78 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,071 - Cerie, get on her YouFace page. 79 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,031 Lemon, do you mind? - No. 80 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,575 - One second. Okay. 81 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,122 Okay, her YouFace page says they're on vacation. 82 00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,016 They're borrowing a friend's condo in Florida. 83 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,040 - Oh, what have I done? 84 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,794 The woman is on vacation with her husband as we speak, 85 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,206 probably having beach sex, which is the third best sex 86 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,966 after elevator and white house. 87 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,760 - Is there any chance that she hasn't heard it yet? 88 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,804 As a frequent leaver of drunken messages, 89 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:42,973 I can tell you no good can come of this. 90 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,945 - As a frequent receiver of drunk messages, 91 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,185 they are not cute, even when they're from Liz. 92 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,186 - Da da da... 93 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,478 - Good lord, 94 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:50,998 I've lemoned the situation with Nancy! 95 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,607 I've got to erase that message. 96 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,043 - "Lemoned"? That's not a thing 97 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,694 people are saying now, is it? 98 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,320 Cerie? 99 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,573 Lemoned. 100 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,199 Doing it awesome. 101 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,826 - Here's the general idea, Jenna. 102 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,246 You and I pretend that we met while filming a movie 103 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,664 called space attack. 104 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,957 My title. 105 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,529 This movie will never be released 106 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,502 because my performance will be deemed 107 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,005 "too provocative for america." 108 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,715 - Oh, I wish I lived in France. 109 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,759 - But out of this experience, 110 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,053 we found each other, et cetera, et cetera. 111 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,473 Five dates a week, one fight a month. 112 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,951 And because of a product placement deal with Jamba Juice, 113 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,269 the fight will be in a Jamba Juice. 114 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,687 - I love Jamba Juice! 115 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,398 And this is the non-disclosure agreement 116 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,770 regarding anything you two may learn about each other 117 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,527 during the course of the relationship. 118 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:41,031 - Yeah, what exactly is Mr. Franco covering up here? 119 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:44,910 - Liz, are you familiar with Japanese moe relationships, 120 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,788 where socially dysfunctional men develop 121 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,749 deep emotional attachments to body pillows 122 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,709 with women painted on them? 123 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,252 - I am not, James. 124 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,754 - Neither am I, Liz! 125 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,881 Which is why it's so weird 126 00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,609 the tabloids are running all these stories 127 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,260 saying I'm in love with a body pillow. 128 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,845 I mean, it's crazy! 129 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,642 - Then why is that here? 130 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:12,896 - Why? 131 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,690 I mean, why is this table here? 132 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,984 I mean, why is that lamp here? 133 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,903 Kimiko is... 134 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:22,614 It is here like any other object. 135 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:26,952 Objects are made by men and used for many purposes. 136 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,705 But we never love objects. 137 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,334 - Where do I sign? 138 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,004 - Hello? 139 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,340 - Liz? It's Randy Randy Lemon. 140 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,634 - Oh, hey, Randy. What's up? 141 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,387 - Well, my parents and I are kind of fighting right now. 142 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,848 - Because you spilled orange soda on the couch? 143 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:49,891 - No, because of the gay thing. 144 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,228 So now I'm here in New York. - Wait, you're in New York? 145 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,939 - Yeah, I figured I'd come stay with my cool cousin Liz. 146 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,774 Besides, what better place for me to be 147 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,484 now that I'm a homo? 148 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,003 Is that the one we call ourselves? 149 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,747 - Nope. Get a cab, okay? Go to my apartment. 150 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,739 168 riverside drive. 151 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,658 - Okay. Uh, actually there's a guy here 152 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,369 who offered to drive me if I helped him move a couch 153 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,661 into a Van. 154 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,931 - Nope. That's a serial killer. 155 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,498 Just get a cab. I'll pay for it. 156 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,790 - You have amish here? 157 00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,877 - Just get in the house, Randy. 158 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:20,672 - Kenneth, Jonathan, I need one of you to help me 159 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,465 with a very special assignment. 160 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,510 - I hope it's me. 161 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,697 But I'm honored just to be standing here with you. 162 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,806 - I'm going to drive up to waltham, Massachusetts, 163 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,138 break into a woman's home, 164 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,435 and erase a potentially embarrassing and destructive 165 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,895 answering machine message. 166 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,606 The home in questions has a doggy door. 167 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,025 That will be our way in... 168 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:44,154 Using these hangers. 169 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:49,784 Prove that you are lithe enough to accompany me to waltham. 170 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,669 It's Kenneth! 171 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,050 You sicken me. 172 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,310 - I did it! 173 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,978 Angie just called. She's pregnant. 174 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,623 - That's awesome. - Congratulations. 175 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,982 - Yes. And it gets better. I just had a burrito! 176 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,568 - Well, now you just have to hope that it's a girl. 177 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,153 - I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, 178 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,821 because I yelled "Susan B. Anthony" 179 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,113 at the moment of conception. - Well, that'll do it. 180 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,468 - We're gonna name her after the place 181 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:31,785 that she was conceived. 182 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,157 It was a pretty wild night. 183 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,538 So we gonna name her either Virginia, 184 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,875 NetJet, or bathroom at Teterboro Airport. 185 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,044 - Virginia is nice. 186 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:45,131 - Oh, Liz, I'm in love. 187 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:46,883 - You're really not. 188 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,778 - James and I just had lunch at the spotted pig. 189 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,887 The paparazzi were everywhere. 190 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,431 The gossip blogs are calling us "James." 191 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,475 It's a combination of Jenna and James. 192 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,607 - Jenna, look, I'm glad that you're having fun, 193 00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,334 but is this really all that you want? 194 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:02,440 I mean, you and I are not getting any younger. 195 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,627 - You don't know that thing I sleep in isn't working. 196 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,491 - Don't you want more than some fake boyfriend? 197 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:07,445 Don't you want to be happy? 198 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,489 - Liz, I am happy. 199 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,574 All this attention, getting my picture taken, 200 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:14,536 having ice-cold diarrhea from drinking too much Jamba Juice... 201 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,454 It's everything I ever wanted. 202 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,555 - Sorry, sir. 203 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:38,309 That happens sometimes when I unhinge my pelvis. 204 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,651 - Oh, I was afraid of this. 205 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,112 It's not an answering machine, it's a voice mail. 206 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,124 - Okay, well, we just need to look for clues 207 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,282 to her password. 208 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,075 It'll be like the Da Vinci code. 209 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,077 Ehh... albino monk! 210 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,449 - That's a mirror, Kenneth. 211 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,414 She must have written it down somewhere. 212 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,374 Try on the computer. 213 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,585 - Okay. 214 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,128 Search... 215 00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,297 Oops! 216 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,649 I just took my picture with that little camera thing. 217 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,008 - Kenneth! - All right. 218 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,553 I just need to erase that picture. 219 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,597 Whoops, I just made it the desktop image. 220 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:16,598 How did I do that? 221 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,226 - Wait a minute. 222 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,562 Wait a minute! 223 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,148 Ah! 224 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,109 Nancy's husband has been sleeping on the couch. 225 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,681 "Emailing image to address book"? 226 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,031 What is wrong with me? 227 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,617 - Hey, Liz. - Oh, thank god. 228 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,410 Randall Lemon, where were you? 229 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,763 - I'm sorry, I met these two guys 230 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:39,496 and they just dropped me off. 231 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,748 - Well, I'm glad they brought you home, but... 232 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:42,665 - that's where I'm meeting them later... 233 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,637 A bar called "home butt." - No, you're not. 234 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,594 You came to New York to see your cool cousin, 235 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,588 not run around with strange gentlemen. 236 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,560 - You don't have to be so protective of me. 237 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,592 - This is New York City, Randy. 238 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:53,944 - Liz, you know how hard it was growing up gay 239 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,720 in Methenburg, Pennsylvania? 240 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,640 The local TV station edited will & grace down so much 241 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,350 that it was just called Karen. 242 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,827 Being in New York, this is the first time 243 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,228 I've ever felt like myself. 244 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,523 And I want to go out and enjoy it, have fun. 245 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,024 - Oh, we're gonna have fun. 246 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,610 We're gonna stay here and make nachos 247 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,613 and see who can fall asleep the earliest. 248 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,448 Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! 249 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,534 - This is nice. 250 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:21,412 Your hand feels like a pillow that's been in the microwave. 251 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,164 - Thanks. 252 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,627 Okay, well... I'll see you tomorrow. 253 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,130 - Wait. 254 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,221 Oh, it's okay. You can stop. 255 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,513 I was wrong. - What? 256 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,307 - I thought it was a paparazzo, 257 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,644 but it's just some loser taking a picture of his kid. 258 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,729 - Oh... right. Of course. 259 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,440 That was fake. 260 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,277 - Did you know "paparazzo" is singular to "paparazzi"? 261 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,113 Kimiko taught me that. 262 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,924 I'll see you at dawn so you can get caught 263 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,028 coming out of my apartment. 264 00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,241 I'll loan you a shirt. 265 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,847 Try to look like you just got drilled. 266 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,453 You know the deal. 267 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,976 - Sir, this computer is not helping with our search. 268 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,478 If you type "Nancy's secrets" into the Internet, 269 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,647 do you have any idea what comes up? 270 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,525 A store that sells wig extensions. 271 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,277 - I've seen all this before, Kenneth. 272 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,196 The separate beds, the empty closets, 273 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,530 the brave public face. 274 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,575 This is just another Irish catholic couple 275 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,970 who won't admit to the world that their marriage is over. 276 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,787 - Sir, you don't know that. 277 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,248 They're on vacation together right now. 278 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,792 - Are they? 279 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:54,297 Nancy Donovan, still so organized. 280 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,549 In German class, Mr. Kruger always chose her 281 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,301 to sort the students. 282 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,387 He was eventually arrested by Israeli commandos. 283 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,680 - Hmm. 284 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,432 - Look. 285 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,560 On the 30th she took flight 1470 to RSW. 286 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,271 He left the next day for CVG. 287 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,843 They have to be different cities. 288 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,400 - Uh, fort Myers in Cincinnati. 289 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,337 Did you not learn your nation's airport codes 290 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,362 in high school? 291 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,489 - She's at the beach house alone! 292 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,741 That's the most divorced sentence I've ever heard. 293 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,202 Mr. Donaghy, this snooping has to stop. 294 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,246 We came here to erase... oh! 295 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,540 I just took a picture of both of us. 296 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,795 - Good morning. 297 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,464 Oh, my god, did you go out last night 298 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,466 after I won the sleeping contest? 299 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,468 - I forgot to wash my face, didn't I? 300 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,920 I meant to do it at the club, 301 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,291 but when I got into the bathroom, 302 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,764 everything started up again. 303 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,116 - Okay, that's it, I am taking you 304 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,850 to the port authority. 305 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,742 To get on a bus home, not to meet people! 306 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:52,522 God! 307 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,816 Look, you've had your fun. You've seen New York. 308 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,986 You've made some really neat friends. 309 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:02,240 Maybe that's enough for a first step. Okay? 310 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,450 - Yeah. Okay, you're right. 311 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,452 But I'm not going home 312 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:11,666 until I give my cool cousin a makeover! 313 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,710 - Is it gonna be fierce? 314 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,378 - It would be if it was 2006. 315 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,756 Well, I do have this one cardigan 316 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,717 that I've been kind of afraid to wear. 317 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,344 - Well, let's see it, girl. 318 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,056 I'm not going back to Methenburg! 319 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,475 - Randy Lemon, you open this door right now! 320 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,478 Okay, I do appreciate the irony 321 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,689 that I'm the one stuck in the closet now. 322 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,275 Is that irony? - Not really. 323 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,739 - The sun is up and we are still in these people's home. 324 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,365 God can see us now. 325 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,576 We have to find that voice mail code. 326 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,579 - It's on the dry-erase board above the phone. 327 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:50,871 - What? 328 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,665 - I saw it there a few hours ago. 329 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,710 But I wasn't done looking around. 330 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,629 I'm ready to hear the message now. 331 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,298 - Sir, I don't mean to swear, 332 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,426 but I am irritated right now. 333 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,389 5-5-2-8-7. 334 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,391 - Thursday, December 30... 335 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,768 Thursday. 336 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,270 Friday, January 1st. 337 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,522 3:42 A.M. 338 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,000 Meine liebe, Gretta, 339 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,650 it's Klaus. 340 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,528 Remember Mr. Kruger's German class? 341 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,572 I took it to be with you. 342 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,575 Sat behind you so I could talk to you 343 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,619 and try to see the top of your underwear. 344 00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:33,664 You were Gretta and I was Klaus... 345 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,166 - Jack, are you coming in? 346 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,710 - I'm on the phone! Get back in the hot tub. 347 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,671 Ballard, don't let them put their tops back on. 348 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,174 I'm going to say good night 349 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,510 with help from the poet Rilke. 350 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,595 Because only German can capture 351 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,765 what seeing you again has made me feel. 352 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,809 Aus unendlichen sehnsuchten 353 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:57,480 steigen endliche taten wie schwache fontanen. 354 00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,773 Auf wiedersehen, Gretta. 355 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:03,778 - To erase, press seven. To save, press nine. 356 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,864 For more options, press four. 357 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,283 - Sir, what are you doing? Erase it. 358 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,576 - I don't know. 359 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,148 I thought I wanted a clean break, 360 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,012 but if that message is how I really feel, 361 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,540 maybe she was supposed to hear it. 362 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,208 Her marriage is falling apart. 363 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,852 We meet again after all these years. 364 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,294 Message deleted. 365 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,463 Next message. 366 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,507 - Mr. Donaghy, whatever's happening here, 367 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,510 it is not your place to interfere. 368 00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,554 If Mrs. Dougherty wanted you in her life, 369 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,526 she would have called, given you some sign. 370 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,725 But she hasn't. Let it go, sir. 371 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,352 - You're right, Kenneth. 372 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,814 But you are leaving through the doggy door. 373 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,816 - Yes, sir. 374 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,368 - Hey, Liz, we're playing the today showdrinking game. 375 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,288 You do a shot every time they give a dumb travel tip. 376 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,999 - I like to take the shampoo 377 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,460 and put it in the little travel-size bottles. 378 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,044 Then I take the original bottle 379 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,616 and put it back in the shower... 380 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,007 For later. All: Yeah. 381 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,176 - Great. 382 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,845 - Liz, relationship emergency. 383 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,139 - Why are you wearing a man's shirt and no pants? 384 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,807 - Last night, James kissed me. 385 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,226 And for a second, I forgot it was fake. 386 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,561 And it was incredible. 387 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,731 Now having lunch with James and the actress who plays my mom 388 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,232 somehow seems hollow. 389 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,942 What's wrong with me? 390 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,295 - Jenna, what you're feeling is good. 391 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,070 This thing with James is fun and exciting, 392 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:28,946 but it isn't real. 393 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,340 Deep down I think you want to be 394 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,866 with someone you really love, 395 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,910 and who can love you back. 396 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,802 - More friends on the Plaza this morning. 397 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,372 - Hi, guys. You celebrating? - We're in love! 398 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,517 Trent's quitting the Navy, and we're going to get married 399 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,541 in Massachusetts. 400 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,461 Wow. Congratulations. 401 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,921 - Oh, boy. 402 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,797 - If you want to save money on the trip, 403 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,091 consider taking a sandwich. 404 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,593 Give 'em a hand. All: Yeah. 405 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,306 - Hey, baby, you new here? 406 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,308 - Yeah, this is my first show. - Uh-huh. 407 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,720 And before you worked here, were you an ass scientist? 408 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:00,478 Because your ass... 409 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,271 Blah, blah, blah. You get the point. 410 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,607 So what's your name? - Virginia. 411 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,817 - Virginia? 412 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,337 But that's gonna be my daughter's name. 413 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,822 Are you also someone's daughter? - Uh, yeah. 414 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,783 - Is every woman someone's daughter? 415 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,701 - Of course. - Uh-oh! 416 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,547 - No... way. 417 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,134 I was wrong, sir. There is a sign. 418 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,986 She's been thinking about you for years! 419 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,972 - Why can't you be more like Kenneth? Go on. 420 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,850 - Her code... 5-5-2-8-7. 421 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,182 Do you know what it means? 422 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,269 - Well, it's not a date. 423 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,580 The first numbers are too high. 424 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,665 - It's not the numbers, sir. 425 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,233 It's the letters. They spell "Klaus." 426 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,194 Your name in German class. 427 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:54,615 The class you were in with Nancy... In high school. 428 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,159 Back in Massachu... - I get it, Kenneth! 429 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,637 I'm just trying to figure out my next move. 430 00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,245 I have to play it cool. 431 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:00,847 - You should buy a leather jacket! 432 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,832 - Get Cerie in here. Not you. 433 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,877 - Pack your stuff. 434 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:10,256 - You know, I don't think this is about you protecting me. 435 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,868 I think you have a problem with people enjoying themselves. 436 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,652 Why did you even leave white haven, Liz? 437 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,363 When was the last time you watched the sun rise? 438 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,805 - Sometimes at work... 439 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,765 - Or kissed a boy you just met? - Gross. 440 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,934 - Or went dancing? I'm not going home 441 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,978 until I make you appreciate living here. 442 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:27,023 Tonight we are gonna do that makeover for real. 443 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,691 And then I'm taking you out. 444 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,485 - Yeah, okay. Fine. 445 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,987 I mean, who am I to tell Jenna 446 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,864 that she doesn't know how to be happy 447 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,241 when I can't even figure out... - Stop. So bored. 448 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,201 Did I do that right? 449 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:43,831 - Yeah. That was super bitchy. 450 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,443 - You can't just break up with me. 451 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,501 I'll Sue you for breach of contract! 452 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,212 Oh, you're being such a non-pillow right now! 453 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,131 - But don't you understand? 454 00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:54,508 I just want something real in my life for once. 455 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,677 I want what you have with Kimiko. 456 00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,514 Oh, Kimiko-tan... 457 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,141 What am I doing, Jenna? 458 00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,852 Pretending to be something I'm not. 459 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,146 Making myself miserable when I've got happiness 460 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:09,231 waiting for me at home. 461 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,876 Unless Kimiko's jealous of the ottoman. 462 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,380 There's nothing going on there. That's a business relationship. 463 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,864 - Don't Lemon your life, James. 464 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:17,823 Be happy. 465 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,868 - I'm the actor James Franco, damn it! 466 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,079 And I'm in love with and common-law married 467 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:26,290 to a Japanese body pillow! 468 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,044 - And I hope you had a good new year's. 469 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,980 Let me know the next time you and Mark are in New York, 470 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,589 and we'll all grab dinner. 471 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,133 Auf wiedersehen. 472 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,643 ♪ ♪ 473 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:46,935 - Liz. 474 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,062 - James. - Wow. 475 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:49,480 You look great. 476 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:50,481 - Is Jenna here? 477 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,942 - No, Jenna and I broke up, actually. 478 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,794 We both decided it was time to be happy. 479 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,238 - Me too. I'm saying yes to life! 480 00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,783 - Okay. 481 00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:06,872 ♪ ♪ 482 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,960 - Let's do this. 483 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,713 - Hey, you got home late. 484 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,466 - Yeah, I, um... 485 00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,427 Randy, this is James Franco 486 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,555 and our friend Kimiko-tan. 487 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,474 - Hey, Randy. 488 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,086 - I'm gonna go to the bus station. 489 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,979 - I think that's for the best. 490 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,110 - I blame you three for my unhealthy attitude 491 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:36,902 towards women! 492 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,696 You have created an atmosphere 493 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,031 of hostility and intolerance 494 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,908 that everyone talks about all the time. 495 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,244 Grizz, when was the last time you told your fiancee 496 00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:46,536 you loved her... 497 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,706 Since the phone call I interrupted 498 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,038 to make this announcement! 499 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:53,836 Kenneth, your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians! 500 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,131 Dotcom, do you ever read books by women? 501 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,300 - But George eliot was a woman. 502 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,969 - Enough! I've made a decision. 503 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,901 And starting next week, I'm adding a woman 504 00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,556 to the entourage. 505 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:08,850 - Really?