1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,213 - There's a lot of history in studio 4c. 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,007 To catch a predator, the XFL halftime show, 3 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,967 storage for broken copier equipment, 4 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:12,054 and now... Dealbreakers. 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:15,641 - Liz Lemon's got her very own talk show! 6 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,602 ♪ I'm a star ♪ 7 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:20,312 ♪ I'm on top ♪ 8 00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:25,234 ♪ somebody bring me some ham ♪ 9 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,027 I used to sing that when I was a kid. 10 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,255 - Yes, well, it's really happening for you, Lemon. 11 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,489 Between TGS and this, 12 00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:33,116 you're like a swarthy, big-hipped Kelly Ripa. 13 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,160 - I know. I mean, if this works, 14 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,996 my life will be totally different. 15 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:46,004 ♪ ♪ 16 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,801 - I have to go back into space, Liz. 17 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,511 I hope you enjoyed the kissing, 18 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,137 followed by my genuine interest 19 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,181 in that TV dance competition. 20 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,850 - Bye, astronaut Mike Dexter. 21 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,689 - Liz! Snap out of it! 22 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:05,583 Jenna's locked herself in her dressing room! 23 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,985 - What? No, go away. This is my fantasy, Pete! 24 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,037 - I knew it. You're blonde in your fantasies. 25 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,488 It looks terrible. 26 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,948 - Oh! 27 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,160 Jenna, what's wrong? 28 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,498 - My niece Drew a picture of me, and I look so fat! 29 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,126 - Well, I really like your hair today. 30 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,670 - Thank you! But you don't know what it looks like, 31 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,046 because of the door! 32 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,965 - Wow, she finally figured that out. 33 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,257 - Okay, Jenna, you win. 34 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:34,011 If you're really not feeling up to doing the show this week, 35 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,680 I know that Jenny McCarthy is in town. 36 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,515 - My Nemesis? Never! 37 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:39,807 Oh, my god. 38 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,477 I bet she put Charlotte up to this. 39 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,731 - Lemon, that is why dealbreakers is going to work, 40 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,566 because your star is a crazy person, 41 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:48,942 and my star is you. 42 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,234 - And I am not crazy, 43 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,028 because unlike Jenna, 44 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,160 my mother never used my beauty pageant winnings 45 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,115 to buy her married boyfriend a motorcycle. 46 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:56,116 - Exactly. 47 00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,468 - Boy, if this thing works, 48 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,035 it could be my ticket out. 49 00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,953 This job is starting to get to me. 50 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,622 Lately, I've been shoplifting 51 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,874 just to feel in control. 52 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:07,002 'Cause no one knows I took the candy bar. 53 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,795 No one but Peter. 54 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,842 - Liz Lemon, I need to talk to you. 55 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:14,718 - What's up, tray? 56 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,678 - Come over here and check out my corner. 57 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,597 No trap. - What? 58 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:19,969 - Come over here, I said... 59 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,351 In my normal tone of voice. 60 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:25,145 Liz Lemon, recently I realized 61 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:26,938 that I have a hole in my heart, 62 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,950 and not the one I got from eating batteries. 63 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,484 It's 'cause I don't have a daughter. 64 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:31,976 - Well, that's actually sweet. 65 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,071 - I want a baby girl, Liz Lemon. 66 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,572 I mean, havin' a daughter's 67 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,866 like goin' to the NBA all-star weekend. 68 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:38,867 It changes you. 69 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,578 Makes you want to take your wife to the doctor. 70 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,181 - Well, I think that's great, tray. 71 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,831 - I'm glad you feel that way, 72 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,750 because Angie's on her way up, 73 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,186 and I want you to tell her for me. 74 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,628 - Oh, no. I'm not doin' that. 75 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:50,960 - Oh, yes, you are. Click. 76 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:52,589 I said "click" to distract you 77 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,161 from the sound of the handcuffs. 78 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,051 - What? 79 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:58,387 - Uh-uh! 80 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,263 Why are you handcuffed to the bookshelf 81 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,973 I built for my husband? 82 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,665 - Tracy did this to make me tell you 83 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,129 that he wants to have a baby girl. 84 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,561 - You did good. 85 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,730 - Really? Have you lost your mind? 86 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,742 I'm not gonna raise another child by myself. 87 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,024 - What are you implying? 88 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,777 I'm a very attentive father. 89 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,069 - Oh, please, Tracy. 90 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,237 Where were you last week 91 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,864 during Tracy, Jr.'s birthday party? 92 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,450 - There was a better kid's birthday party up the street! 93 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,702 - I cannot believe you made me come here for this. 94 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,288 Now I won't have enough time to shop for Christmas presents 95 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,623 and still get my hair did. 96 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:27,915 - Your hair did? 97 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,418 You just got your hair did! 98 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,110 You have to get your hair did again? 99 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,796 - It needs to be did every week! 100 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,798 - Maybe we could UN-did these handcuffs. 101 00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,633 - Oh, cracker! - Racist! 102 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,802 - You know what? Keep your hair appointment. 103 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,762 I'll do the Christmas shopping this year 104 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,431 to prove to you I can be reliable 105 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:46,393 and that I can finish everything that I... 106 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,900 - no. Come back! 107 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,192 Ah! 108 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:05,871 ♪ ♪ 109 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:15,838 - Listen up, dummies, 110 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:18,091 I'm gonna be gone this week doing my talk show, 111 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,802 so I need to leave someone responsible in charge. 112 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,679 Now, it's not about who I like the most 113 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,765 or who's the funniest, so it's Toofer. 114 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,056 - Oh, thank you. 115 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,769 As Tennyson wrote, "I mete and dole unequal..." 116 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,060 - No, never mind. 117 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,480 Lutz, you want it? 118 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,733 - Mm-hmm. 119 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,610 Oh, okay. 120 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:37,902 Too much pressure. 121 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,446 Writers who never talk, 122 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,448 anyone want a promotion? 123 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,940 Great! Frank, congratulations. 124 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,074 You are the new boss. 125 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:45,326 - Awesome. 126 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,690 A cool person in charge for once. 127 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,789 My first act as leader, 128 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,120 I'm telling them to take down the Internet firewall. 129 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,667 We can surf porn again. 130 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,145 Wonderful, porn! 131 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,169 - I like porn. 132 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,591 - Sir? A Mr. Adouche is on the phone. 133 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,967 I.M. Adouche? 134 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,804 - I.M. Adouche? 135 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,222 Banks! 136 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:08,683 What do you want? 137 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,769 - Did you say it? - No, I knew right away. 138 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,771 - Aw, sure, you did. 139 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:14,356 Well, D.C.'s great. 140 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,399 So many men in uniform down here. 141 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,811 - If you're calling to check in on your bailout money, 142 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:19,611 just read the budgets we sent. 143 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,571 We're getting more efficient every day. 144 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:22,572 Our health care costs are way down 145 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,744 since we started putting something in the coffee 146 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:25,968 to keep women from getting pregnant. 147 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,662 - It's funny, I have been reading the budgets, 148 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,056 and I couldn't help but notice 149 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,182 that you're doing a talk show 150 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,526 with your four-eyed little friend. 151 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:33,949 - That is a business decision. 152 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,186 She wrote a very popular book. 153 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,210 - It doesn't matter. 154 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,736 Do you know how bad that could look? 155 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,464 Worse than me in Capri pants... 156 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,234 Which you'd think I'd be able to pull off 'cause I'm tall. 157 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,467 - What are you saying, Banks? 158 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,928 - If this Liz Lemon project loses one penny, 159 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,430 I am gonna publicly flog you like... 160 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,762 Well, like me at the provincetown flogging festival. 161 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,519 In other words, it had better work. 162 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:53,811 But don't worry. 163 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,565 She's just a writer with zero performing experience. 164 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,315 - It'll work. 165 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,401 I'll make it work. 166 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,194 Moron says what? - What? 167 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,406 - What does he say? 168 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,698 What? 169 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,784 - I need a special gift for my wife, 170 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,786 something that says I'm responsible. 171 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,580 Something simple, classy. 172 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,540 - I get it... elegance. 173 00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,668 That's why people come to Yakov's nubian bling explosion. 174 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,420 - Yeah, it's perfect. 175 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,297 What's that? I want it! 176 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,024 I forgot why I originally came in here! 177 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,259 - Oh, that belonged to Philip Michael Thomas, 178 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,553 the actor who played Tubbs on Miami Vice. 179 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:27,846 - Sure. I know him 180 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,765 from the secret black people meetings. 181 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,351 Nah, I'm just kiddin'. He's not invited. 182 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,643 But who's "Egot"? 183 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,011 - "Egot" is not a person, T.J. 184 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:36,855 It's a goal. 185 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:40,609 It stands for Emmy, grammy, Oscar, and Tony, 186 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,569 four awards that Thomas planned on winning 187 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:43,861 in his career. 188 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,030 - That's a good goal 189 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,449 for a talented crazy person. 190 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,802 - Anyway, you wanted something special for your wife. 191 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,536 - Nah, that was earlier. I want this. 192 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,639 - So how you feelin'? Feelin' good? Ready to go? 193 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,703 - With dealbreakers? Yeah. 194 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,183 The set looks great, I'm ready. 195 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,626 We just need an audience. 196 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,186 - I just want to make sure we're not forgetting anything, 197 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,337 because this has to work. 198 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,589 - Has to work? It's gonna work, right? 199 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:03,882 - Yes, because it has to. 200 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:07,052 And because we've thought of everything. 201 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,429 What if you didn't wear your glasses? 202 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,115 - What? You think it's not a good look? 203 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,891 - Well, I don't know. Are you married? 204 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:13,642 I'm just saying. 205 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,644 - Well, I can lose the glasses. 206 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,830 I just might not be able to read the teleprompter, 207 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:18,939 and I can't wear contacts 208 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,358 'cause the doctor says my eyeballs are too pointy. 209 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,294 - What about Lasik? The show'll pay for it. 210 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,362 - Okay, if you think it's a good idea. 211 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,405 - Great. Now we're perfect. 212 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,697 What if we change your name to Veronica St. Pierre? 213 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:31,117 No, that's too much. 214 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,578 Your hair... 215 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:34,870 Is fine. 216 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,505 Marco! Both: Polo! 217 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,797 - Ha! 218 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:45,507 Marco! 219 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,300 - Tracy, put that sword down 220 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,152 and help me take these gifts to the car. 221 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,513 - No need. I got something better than presents 222 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,430 for you and the kids. 223 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,392 I got us all this "Egot" necklace for me. 224 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,435 - That's exactly what I was talkin' about. 225 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,727 I send you out for gifts, 226 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,812 and you go and buy that dumb necklace for yourself. 227 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,857 - It's not dumb. It's smart. 228 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,901 This necklace is a life goal. 229 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,780 I'm gonna win me a Emmy, a grammy, a Oscar, and a Tony. 230 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:09,614 - What? 231 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,700 Tracy, you've never finished 232 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:12,617 a damn thing in your life. 233 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,327 - I am gonna "Egot," 234 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,413 for us, for the family, 235 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:19,207 and especially for little Chewbaquina Jordan. 236 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,584 Okay, tray. 237 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,254 You go out and win every one of those awards 238 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,506 and prove how responsible you are, 239 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:27,817 and I'll give you a daughter. 240 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:28,883 But until then, 241 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,455 I don't want to hear another word 242 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:31,428 about your baby girl. 243 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,430 - Great. I'll be in touch. 244 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,432 You still using your hotmail account? 245 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:36,724 - Mm. 246 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,687 One more... 247 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,564 And done-zies. 248 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,399 - Did it work? 249 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,191 - Oh, I'm sure it did. 250 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,528 This machine is a genuine..."Lasig"? 251 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,739 Hmm, curious. 252 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,741 Here. 253 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,035 Can you read the top line over there? 254 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,911 - "Dear, Dr. Spaceman, 255 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,997 "thank you for your submission. 256 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,207 "The new england journal of medicine 257 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,793 does not publish x-rated cartoons." 258 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,378 - Well, why not? 259 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,922 It's so frustrating. 260 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,383 But at least I heard it from a friend. 261 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,260 So while we're here, 262 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,571 what else do you want to do? 263 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,304 Face burn? 264 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:15,305 Bone morph? 265 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,597 Mouth peel? 266 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:17,681 - No, thank you. I can't. 267 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,476 I'm gonna be on TV this week. 268 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,519 - Really? I think you mean radio. 269 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,811 - No, I don't. 270 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:23,646 What is... what... 271 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,607 Why do people keep saying stuff like that? 272 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:26,483 - You seem nervous. 273 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,234 I could give you something for that. 274 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:29,736 But you know what? 275 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,655 I'm not supposed to have sex with my patients. 276 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,825 Your hair is... 277 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,117 Fine. 278 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,512 - Hey, we're all going to Chuck E. Cheese's. 279 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,907 It's divorced hispanic mom night. 280 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,296 - I can't. 281 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,899 I've gotta proof all these sketches, 282 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,883 figure out the rundown, then meet with props in... 283 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:52,634 Ten minutes! 284 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:53,510 - Okay. 285 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,303 Have a good night, Liz. 286 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,595 - Very funny. 287 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,515 I'm not Liz! 288 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,519 Ooh, ham. 289 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,812 Mmm! 290 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,480 That's good. 291 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,234 - I'd first like to thank my creative team 292 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,236 for coming here on such short notice, 293 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,279 and I'm sorry I'm four hours late. 294 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,365 Dotcom, research update. 295 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,817 - I googled a complete list of all past "Egot" winners. 296 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,034 Listen to this. 297 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,537 "Composer Richard Rodgers, 298 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,539 "composer Jonathan Tunick, 299 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,499 composer Marvin Hamlisch." 300 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,791 - That's good raw data. 301 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,420 Now turn it over to Grizz for analysis. 302 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:31,756 - They're all composers. 303 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,467 - Kenneth, synthesize Grizz's analysis. 304 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,804 - Mr. Jordan, you need to write one great song, 305 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:41,307 a song whose success will get it featured on a TV show, 306 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,476 and then a movie based on that TV show. 307 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,608 - And then a Broadway play based on that movie. 308 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,481 This is how I'm gonna get my baby girl! 309 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:49,813 All I have to do is create 310 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:53,444 the most popular song of all time. 311 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,447 ♪ I've started already ♪ 312 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,616 - That's great, tray. 313 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,370 - It's all happening! 314 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,662 Hi. 315 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,914 - You got a haircut. 316 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,600 - Oh, actually, I got three haircuts. 317 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,585 The first two made me look nuts. 318 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,296 Hey, do I say the word "camer-ah" weird? 319 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,588 Camer-ah. 320 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:13,381 Camer-ah. 321 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,924 Camer-ah. 322 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,846 - I need to talk to you. 323 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,973 I have an actress problem. 324 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,684 - Okay. Don't try to move the body yourself. 325 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:25,685 - No. 326 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:26,977 It's Liz. 327 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,980 I need dealbreakers to work. 328 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,857 And yesterday, I told her 329 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,549 that she shouldn't wear her glasses. 330 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,692 - Oh, no! 331 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,445 Why did you do that? 332 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,447 Jack, you don't know what it's like 333 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,364 to be on camer-ah. 334 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,908 You're vulnerable. 335 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,492 You're exposed. 336 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,664 It doesn't take a lot to send you over the edge. 337 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,495 - This is Lemon. 338 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,789 - Not anymore. You've created two lizzes, 339 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,292 regular Liz and performer Liz. 340 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:50,835 You've got to lie to her, 341 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,504 coddle her, protect her from the real world. 342 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,339 - I get it. 343 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:55,911 Treat her like The New York Times 344 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,967 treats its readers. 345 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,221 - Guys, standards is saying no 346 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,348 to the rubik's pube thing. 347 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,641 What? 348 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,476 - You look exactly like Liz. 349 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:07,810 - What? Shut up. 350 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,914 You've just never seen my reading glasses before, 351 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,749 which I have to wear to read your dumb sketches. 352 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,774 And I lost my hat 353 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,359 after I threw it at a bus 354 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,691 that wouldn't stop for me, 355 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,460 even though the guy could see me running. 356 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,888 - What about the purse and sweater? 357 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,448 - This is a bag 358 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,325 for all the scripts I now have to carry, 359 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:23,617 and I'm wearing a sweater 360 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,701 'cause the studio's cold. 361 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,331 - You know what? I don't have to explain myself. 362 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,791 You dummies have no idea 363 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,376 what it's like to be in charge. 364 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,169 Now, if you'll excuse me, 365 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,461 I'll be in my office 366 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,422 trying to have it all! 367 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,932 What is happening to me? 368 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,643 - Dealbreakers main titles, 369 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,728 take number 510. 370 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,020 - Okay, here we go. 371 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,314 One more! This is the one! 372 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,774 And action! 373 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,568 Great, and smile. 374 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,405 With your mouth. 375 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:02,240 And raise the roof! 376 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,617 Yeah, you look... Boy, you can do it! 377 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,744 Good! Oh, my god. 378 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,330 Break it down, break it down. 379 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,333 Oh, yeah, yeah! Sassy. Sass it up. 380 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,377 Wave to a friend. Wave like a human being. 381 00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,379 You remember waving? 382 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,171 And blow a kiss. 383 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,300 No, with your hands! 384 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,594 And, uh... 385 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,431 A little cleavage. 386 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,223 Nope! 387 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:30,351 And just have fun. 388 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,145 Are you spinning a basketball? 389 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,437 - This is great. 390 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,939 You look really relaxed. 391 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,316 I'd watch this show. 392 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,526 - Okay. - What's happening to her? 393 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,671 - Okay, Lemon, step in front of the high-def camera. 394 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,697 Let's see what that looks like. 395 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:44,490 - No! No high-def, 396 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,367 uh, because of the camera. 397 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,121 The, uh, gobos are really moraying, right, Pete? 398 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:50,788 Please step away! 399 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,166 - I have a delivery for miss Lemon. 400 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:55,293 - Oh, an opening night bouquet. 401 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,253 I wonder who sent that? 402 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,254 - They're from Devin Banks. 403 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,173 - Oh! - Banks? 404 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,258 - "F.E.M.A. paid for these flowers 405 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,594 because your show is going to be a disaster." 406 00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:05,595 Jack, what is this? 407 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:06,387 - Oh, god! 408 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,182 I got a tattoo that says "freedom" in Chinese, 409 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,142 and for what? 410 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,691 - May I have a moment alone with Lemon, please? 411 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,278 Okay, here's the honest truth. 412 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,573 You're better at this than Oprah. 413 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,034 - I need a minute. 414 00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,044 - Hello? 415 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,131 - I fully understand the irony of what I'm about to say, 416 00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,109 but I have locked myself in my dressing room, 417 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,052 and I am not coming out! 418 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,348 - ♪ People ♪ 419 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,558 - ♪ shoodily bop bop bow, ba badaba do ♪ 420 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,850 - ♪ love songs ♪ 421 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,395 - ♪ tweedly dum, tweedly dum ah ♪ 422 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,686 ♪ bada doobity ba ♪ 423 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,689 - ♪ about love ♪ 424 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,650 ♪ and cars ♪ 425 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,527 ♪ I've started already ♪ 426 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:03,820 - ♪ boo bop boh ♪ - stop! 427 00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,571 Stop! It's all wrong! 428 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:09,325 How could five of the most popular musical styles 429 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,869 all played at once sound so bad? 430 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,914 - Mr. Jordan, I'm not sure you've thought this through. 431 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,457 - Oh, yeah, Ken? 432 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,769 What do you know about the pressures of "Egot" -ing? 433 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,421 I need to speak to someone who's been there, 434 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,712 a fellow "Egot" -er. 435 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:25,133 - Tracy, what are you doing? 436 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,802 You're supposed to be in a fitting. 437 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,429 Nerds! 438 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:35,143 - Is it me, or is Liz Lemon getting hotter? 439 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:40,897 - Lemon, it's Jack. 440 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,066 - Don't even bother! 441 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,277 I've been on the other side of that door, Jack. 442 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:45,569 You can't outsmart me. 443 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,654 I know all the tricks. 444 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,448 It's like that movie, the negotiator. 445 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,074 - I didn't see that. 446 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,566 - In the end, the police chief 447 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,737 turns out to be the bad guy. 448 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,470 - I didn't say I wasn't going to see it. 449 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,860 Lemon, what is it going to take 450 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,720 to get you out of there? What do you want? 451 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,310 - I don't want to do this show anymore! 452 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,084 Shut it down! 453 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,043 - I can't do that. 454 00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:02,420 If this thing loses money, 455 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:03,379 I may as well let Banks play out 456 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,923 one of his gay home invasion fantasies on me. 457 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,010 - Then I guess it's a standoff! 458 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,346 And I want pizzas for all the hungry people in here! 459 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,390 - So you tryin' to "Egot," huh? 460 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,850 - I gotta "Egot," Whoopi. 461 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,643 See, I made this deal with my wife. 462 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,896 If I don't "Egot," then I can't have another kid. 463 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,648 - You know, I got my "Egot" on a bet too. 464 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,984 That's why Arlen Specter had to change parties. 465 00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:27,361 - You created the supermajority? 466 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,653 - Mm. 467 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,281 - I don't get it. Why is it so hard? 468 00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:32,116 I paid all these people to create 469 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,048 the most popular song in the world for me. 470 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,440 - That's the problem right there. 471 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,663 You cannot fake your way to a "Egot," fool. 472 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,249 You know, all these awards I got, 473 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,502 I got for projects I believed in. 474 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,629 - Wait! Is that a daytime Emmy? 475 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,173 - It still counts. Girl's gotta eat. 476 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,091 Listen, my point really is, 477 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,623 it's gotta come from the heart, 478 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,345 and then the awards will follow. 479 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,263 - That's good advice, Whoopi. 480 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,555 - Mm-hmm. 481 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,349 Say... 482 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,726 Can I have a glass of water before I leave? 483 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,436 - Yeah. Sure. 484 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,063 - Thank you. 485 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,903 - Colored man, put it back. 486 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,155 Put it down. 487 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,701 - Lemon, come out. 488 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,204 - Jack, I just got your business sext. 489 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,496 What have you done? 490 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,016 - This is no time to play the blame game. 491 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,875 - Of course not. I'm not wearing my outfit. 492 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,647 - Jenna, you're the only one who knows 493 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,104 what Lemon is going through right now. 494 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:26,629 Help me. 495 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,257 - Well... I hate to even tell you this, 496 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,989 but I've always wondered why you guys 497 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,410 don't take the door off its hinges. 498 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:33,844 - That's not gonna work! 499 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,221 - Thank you. 500 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,513 - This changes nothing! 501 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,225 - Lemon, I am hemorrhaging money right now. 502 00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:40,957 Your audience has spent the last hour 503 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,778 listening to Kenneth tell cleaned-up versions 504 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,397 of Garrison keillor stories. 505 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,233 Now, I understand performer Liz is freaking out, 506 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,818 so I need regular Liz's help. 507 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,736 - I don't know that she's here right now. 508 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,321 - Lemon, I need regular Liz 509 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,282 to tell that crazy bitch, performer Liz, 510 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,334 to get out on the Stage and give me something 511 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,607 I can try to make money off of. 512 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:58,785 Please. 513 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:06,377 Hey, buddy, your hair looks nice. 514 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,254 Don't try those tricks on me! 515 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:09,755 - Oh, boy. 516 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,216 - Okay, I know that it's been a hard day. 517 00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:13,676 I could have had it all, 518 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,595 but you had to ruin it 519 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,555 with your thinking! 520 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,141 Come on. ♪ You're a star ♪ 521 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:20,933 ♪ you're on top ♪ 522 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,394 ♪ somebody bring you some ham ♪ 523 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,937 You should kill yourself! 524 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,776 - Good god, Lemon, what is that? 525 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,486 - This is how I cry now, 526 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,948 ever since you made me get that off-brand eye surgery. 527 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,951 - Lemon, what have we done to you? 528 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,622 It's okay. Go home and get some rest. 529 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:43,956 I'll take the hit. 530 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,125 - I can't let you do that for me. 531 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,668 Let him go! 532 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,591 - ♪ Baby girl ♪ 533 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,385 ♪ you're the missing piece ♪ 534 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,763 ♪ the perfect fit ♪ 535 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,057 ♪ baby girl ♪ 536 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,268 ♪ you're the product of doing it ♪ 537 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,313 ♪ er-eeeee ♪ 538 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,607 - Damn it, Tracy. 539 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,026 That's what's in your heart? 540 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,153 You sweet fool. 541 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,613 Let's make a baby. 542 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:16,905 - Wait! 543 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,116 If you really want a baby, 544 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:20,408 I'll give you my gift. 545 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,869 But I must warn you, 546 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,455 I won't be around a lot, 547 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:25,747 'cause I'm "Egot" -ing. 548 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,958 - Aw, Tracy Jordan, 549 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,377 you're an idiot. 550 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,294 - I know. 551 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,254 We're lucky people laugh when I say stuff. 552 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,257 Both: 553 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,232 - So, uh, how are we doing? 554 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,651 And by "we," I just mean the two of us. 555 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,319 - I'm okay. 556 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,072 You shouldn't have said anything about my hair. 557 00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:58,989 - I know that now. 558 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,991 I think it will grow out nicely. 559 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,451 - I agree. 560 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,705 - I'm sorry that I ruined... 561 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:06,997 - you didn't. 562 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,329 I sold the opening titles. 563 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,582 - Really? To who? 564 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,001 - "Whom?" and from now on, 565 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,503 whenever a television is on 566 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:15,005 in the background of a Sheinhardt-universal soap opera, 567 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:17,216 you will be on it. 568 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,301 - I'm gonna be on TV on TV! 569 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,722 You're back! Thank god. 570 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,974 I missed you so much! 571 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,226 Don't ever leave me again! 572 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,063 - I'm back. 573 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,316 - I'm back! 574 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,030 - Hey, fancy face. 575 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,410 - You scared me. I thought I was gonna lose you. 576 00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:47,371 - You can't get rid of me that easily. 577 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,663 - That's me. 578 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,709 - My wedding ring. 579 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,170 - I found it on the beach. 580 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,046 - That's me again. 581 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,386 - What is the... 582 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,305 What is this TV show? 583 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,931 - It's very distracting.