1 00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:02,957 Hey, Jack. 2 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,564 - Lemon, I was in Beijing this weekend, 3 00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:06,274 buying a reality show format where criminals 4 00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:07,799 try to dance their way to freedom. 5 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,426 - Jien-yu pi-li-wu, sure. 6 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,136 - I also bought this. 7 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,930 A Chinese knockoff of your book. 8 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:14,222 - What? 9 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,017 "Dealbreaker. ff' the book for you man no good, 10 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:20,020 by lesbian-yellow-sourfruit." 11 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,414 - So, uh, what do you need from me? 12 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,438 - Ah, well, 13 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,969 our new cast member starts today. 14 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,709 - Oh, of course, the robot. I liked him. 15 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,611 - We don't know anything about him. 16 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:30,364 I don't think his real name is partybot. 17 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,841 I don't know what he looks like. 18 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,926 I don't know what he talks like. 19 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,260 I certainly don't know if he can act. 20 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,137 - Lemon, what did you once say to me about acting? 21 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,913 - Just hit your marks, stay in your light, 22 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,085 and do the same thing every take for continuity. 23 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,000 - See? Anyone can do it. 24 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,754 Miss Lemon, security called. 25 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:46,713 Our new actor just checked in. 26 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,882 He'll be on six in a couple minutes. 27 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,276 - Let's go introduce ourselves. 28 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,718 - This is so exciting. 29 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,596 Maybe we should practice the welcome song I distributed. 30 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:55,907 ♪ Makin' a new friend ♪ 31 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,558 ♪ sure ain't easy ♪ 32 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,644 ♪ and that's how two become one ♪ 33 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,830 - Lemon, do you have any plans for dinner tonight? 34 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:05,482 - I do, I bought an Activia microwavable panini. 35 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,054 - Good god, have dinner with me. 36 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,860 - Just the two of us? - Yes. 37 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,529 - Okay. - Hey, Jackie D. 38 00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,781 I hope the new dude isn't impossible to work with, 39 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,491 like some people I know. 40 00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,703 - I hope he's educated. - I hope he hates Toofer. 41 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,192 - I hope he likes janitor hugs. 42 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,525 Somebody's coming. 43 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,033 - Oh, no. Is that the new guy? 44 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,627 - What? 45 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,962 No, it's me, Lutz. 46 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,672 I've worked here for three years. 47 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:31,091 I gave you that car I won. 48 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,552 - Come on. 49 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,139 - Hi. 50 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,558 I think I'm supposed to be on TV. 51 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:40,517 - Jack Donaghy. 52 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,436 Good to see you again. 53 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:44,980 - Oh, hey. I'm Jack... Baker. 54 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,898 So guess there's two Jacks here now. 55 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,525 - I don't think there are. 56 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,444 Welcome aboard... Danny. 57 00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,738 - Hi, Danny. I'm Liz. 58 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,281 - Did he just change my name? 59 00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,408 - Let's go look at your dressing room... 60 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,367 Danny. 61 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:01,705 - He looks like all the guys in my magazines. 62 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,333 - This is unbelievable. 63 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,185 Last week, I was just a street performer 64 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,211 making 50 bucks a day and getting memory loss 65 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,772 from all the silver paint fumes, 66 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,507 and now I'm... Um... 67 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,468 - You're on TGS. - I'm on TGS? 68 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,428 This is unbelievable! 69 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,388 I haven't done any real acting 70 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,782 since I was in that high school football movie 71 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,515 back in Ottawa. 72 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:21,807 - You're Canadian? 73 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,394 - All right, hosers, I want all 12 of us 74 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,689 fighting for every meter on all three downs! 75 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,301 We're gonna make this a boxing day 76 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,360 the prime minister will never forget! 77 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,363 - Okay, well, you don't have zero experience. 78 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,197 - I just don't want to screw up. 79 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,574 Like, what do you wish you'd known 80 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:38,866 on your first day here? 81 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,452 - Oh, well, don't eat prop food. 82 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:44,414 They spray something on it that messes you up. 83 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:45,248 - Hello, Mr. Baker. 84 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,334 I'm Kenneth, one of the NBC pages. 85 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:48,811 I'm going out to get miss Maroney 86 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:49,378 and Mr. Jordan's lunch. 87 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,630 And what would you like? - Oh, thanks. 88 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,049 I'll probably just go grab something later. 89 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,052 Can I get you anything while I'm out? 90 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,349 Yad sdrawkcab tsuj s'ti sseug I, yako. 91 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:19,324 ♪ ♪ 92 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:27,999 - Okay, here's one. 93 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,651 You can have the powers of Superman 94 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,044 for an entire year, 95 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,171 but you can only have one sexual partner 96 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:34,631 for the rest of your life. 97 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,093 - Two questions: Must I live by Superman's moral code, 98 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,665 and will the sex woman get older? 99 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,138 - Yes and yes. 100 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,764 - Forget it. No deal. 101 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,057 - Hi. 102 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:50,540 - I don't want your sleeve to catch on fire. 103 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,484 Why would my sleeve catch on fire? 104 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,154 Ah, ha ha. You know me well, sir. 105 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,990 - I often know what you're going to do before you do it. 106 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,135 - What am I going to do next? - What am I going to do next? 107 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,077 Speaking of which, I made some calls. 108 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,247 And there's interest in a dealbreakers talk show 109 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,206 with you hosting. 110 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,083 - Spit take. Are you serious? 111 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,043 - Absolutely. You're becoming a commodity. 112 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,004 I say we book the studio, shoot the pilot, 113 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,398 and take it from there... What do you think? 114 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,840 - Wow, okay. 115 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,425 Let's do it. 116 00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,052 Both: I knew you would say yes, Lemon. 117 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,056 - Hey, Pete, I have question. 118 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,434 Is camera left my left or my right? 119 00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:29,978 Here's some advice, Danny. 120 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,350 Learn as little as you can. 121 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,022 'Cause when you know things, 122 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:33,565 people ask you to do things. 123 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,337 And then everyone starts coming to you 124 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:35,942 with their problems. 125 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,594 That's why when someone comes to me 126 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,380 with something I don't want to deal with, 127 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,823 I say, "oh, no, my kid's sick," and take off. 128 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,241 You have any kids? 129 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,826 No. 130 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,162 I mean, I pretty much raised my little sister, 131 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,163 'cause my mom... 132 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,039 - oh, that must have been hard. 133 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,833 Oh, no, my kid is sick. 134 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,086 - A dealbreakers talk show? That's amazing, Liz. 135 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,214 - Liz Lemon, you are blowing up like a balloon 136 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,799 with a grenade in it. 137 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,850 Who else are you meeting with? 138 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,135 - What do you mean? 139 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,011 - You know, like producers and agents. 140 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,572 - No one... I'm doing it with Jack. 141 00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,847 For Sheinhardt-universal. 142 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:06,515 - Liz, you can't just go 143 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,287 with the first person who comes along. 144 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,810 I know, because I've been burned. 145 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,746 Do you remember when I was first starting out, 146 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,187 and I signed a ten-year deal 147 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,799 with that karaoke machine company? 148 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:25,242 ♪ ♪ 149 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,245 - When I first got big, 150 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,747 I made bad business decisions too. 151 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,916 Which is how I got stuck having to plug 152 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,835 Wade Bogg's carpet world five times 153 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,294 whenever I appear on screen. 154 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:37,254 - You have to plug what? 155 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,005 - Wade Bogg's carpet world. 156 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,175 Wade Bogg's carpet world. Wade Bogg's carpet world. 157 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,403 - Liz, Jack would never take a first offer, right? 158 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,107 He's taking advantage of your relationship. 159 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:47,428 - He knows you're special, 160 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,182 like a black stripper with Blue eyes. 161 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,059 You have to test the marketplace. 162 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,471 - But I already told Jack that I would do it with him. 163 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,288 - Did you sign anything? - No. 164 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,065 - Then he'll understand. It's business. 165 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,157 I'm gonna set you up with someone at my agency 166 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,419 and make sure that you do this right. 167 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,737 - And one last piece of advice, Liz Lemon, 168 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,423 from someone that's been on this side of the business 169 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,700 for a long time. 170 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,411 Wade Bogg's carpet world. 171 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,876 - That was actually good advice. 172 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:19,796 - From now on, I shall call us the problem solvers. 173 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,088 Yo, Ken. 174 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,898 Do you have a problem that needs solving? 175 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,801 - Actually, I do. 176 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,928 Mr. Baker wants to do everything for himself. 177 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,307 I feel about as useless as a mom's college degree. 178 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:34,436 - Sounds like a job for the problem solvers. 179 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,355 We'll talk to Danny for you. 180 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,338 - Lemon, I was just going to call you. 181 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,903 The guy who came up with this thing 182 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,237 for Arsenio hall 183 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,281 wants to create a signature arm gesture 184 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:47,782 for our talk show. 185 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,434 I was thinking something like this. 186 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,243 Uh-uh. 187 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:51,244 Uh-uh. 188 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,245 Uh-uh. 189 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,537 - Um, yeah. 190 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,790 About the talk show... 191 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,044 While I am very thankful for your offer, 192 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,755 I think I maybe should take a couple other meetings 193 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,841 before committing to anything. 194 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,360 Like you said, I'm a commodity now. 195 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,677 My book is number 14 196 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,113 on the non-fiction bestseller chart, 197 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:12,098 right behind the founding fathers' diet. 198 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:15,060 So... I'm signing with an agent 199 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,770 and exploring my options. 200 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,064 - I see. 201 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,442 Well, if that's how you feel about it. 202 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,611 Good luck in the marketplace. 203 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,380 - Obviously, this is nothing personal. 204 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,739 I just want to be thorough. 205 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,616 That's okay, right? 206 00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,870 All right, then. Great meeting. 207 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:39,042 Raise your hand if you're cool with what's happening. 208 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:45,465 Not too late to raise your hand. 209 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:50,552 - Cerie, if you need me, 210 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,323 I'll be at a meeting with my new agent. 211 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,827 - Oh, he called to confirm your lunch, 212 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,117 but I told him you'd already eaten 213 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,141 a weird panini. 214 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,477 - That was... no. 215 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,609 Just, heh, call him and tell him I'm on my way. 216 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,939 Do I look okay? 217 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,692 - That's exactly how you look. 218 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,737 - Hi. 219 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,323 - There she is! 220 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:12,742 The dealbreaker! 221 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,034 Simon Barrons. 222 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,745 - You're an agent? 223 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,037 - Uh, junior agent. 224 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,665 Um, uh, full disclosure: 225 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,583 Until now, I've mainly represented dogs, 226 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:21,936 but seeing as how we're both embarking 227 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:22,669 on a new phase in our career... 228 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,463 Performing, representing humans and monkeys... 229 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,465 I want you to know that I'm hungry. 230 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,901 And I would do anything for you. 231 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:31,045 My clients are more important to me than my own mommy. 232 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,303 - Okay, good. 233 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,906 I need someone that I can count on. 234 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:38,018 I'm... kind of alone out here in the marketplace. 235 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,954 - I get it, I get it. That's what I'm here for. 236 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,730 Um, okay, let's get your face out there, 237 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:42,564 take some meetings. 238 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,976 There's Jack Donahee at NBC. 239 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,900 - Donaghy already met. Who else? 240 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,610 - Do you know who Scottie Shofar is? 241 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,255 - Oh, yeah, he's the guy that produces 242 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,322 that dumb sports show that always beats us. 243 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,374 - Yeah, you're talking about sports shouting. 244 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,247 - Okay, let's meet with him. 245 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,915 - Absolutely. 246 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:01,916 Now, I don't know him, 247 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,585 but a former client of mine 248 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,587 once buried a bone in his backyard. 249 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,589 We go looking for that bone, it's like, 250 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,549 "oh, Mr. Shofar, what's up? 251 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,801 My client has got an idea for a talk show." 252 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:14,929 Oh, no, I got the hiccups. 253 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,725 - Danny, around here, 254 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,727 we're known as the problem solvers. 255 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,937 - Always have been, always will be. 256 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,069 - And we think you could use a little guidance. 257 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,483 - Yes, please. 258 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,895 I don't even know where the bathrooms are around here. 259 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,445 - It's not about the room, Danny. 260 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,321 It's about the man. 261 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,907 Any room you see around here with a door, 262 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,868 you make it your bathroom. 263 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,640 - You're an actor now. You're special. 264 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,670 And taking advantage of Kenneth is part of it. 265 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:41,873 It's what he's here for. 266 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,885 - Look, I'm just trying to keep my head down 267 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,710 and suppress my Canadian accent. 268 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,420 I'm not "aboot" to... 269 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,712 Aboot... 270 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,716 Abwah... out. 271 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,426 Ah, all I'm saying is that 272 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,553 I don't want to rub anyone the wrong way, 273 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,597 even Kenneth. - Oh, don't worry. 274 00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,089 Kenneth loves being our slave. 275 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,559 - He may say that, but trust me, it's not true. 276 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,521 I was an assistant once, and when you're in that position 277 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:06,606 you grow resentful and bitter. 278 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,484 - So what if Kenneth's bitter? He's an underhuman. 279 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:10,401 - Look, a couple days ago, 280 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,529 I was working as a robot for spare change. 281 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,322 And now look at me. 282 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,783 Kenneth's a page, but who knows? 283 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,675 Someday, he could be running the network. 284 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,743 What? 285 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,287 That's ridiculous. 286 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,819 - Crazier things have happened. 287 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,624 - Kenneth in charge? 288 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,585 - Liz, here are today's press clippings. 289 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,256 Women's heal th magazine gave us a d-minus. 290 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,175 - Son of a bitch! 291 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,518 Sheinhardt-universal announces production 292 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,436 of a dealbreakers talk show? 293 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:46,728 What the what, Jack? 294 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:48,538 - Let me explain something to you, Lemon. 295 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,815 Dealbreakers is a sketch 296 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,585 that first appeared on this network... we own it. 297 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,778 And we're doing it whether or not you're involved. 298 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,910 - Really? So you think you can just replace me? 299 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,434 - Of course not. We can do better. 300 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,159 I've already spoken to Padma Lakshmi. 301 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,369 - Then who's gonna host top chef? 302 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,163 You are ruining my life! 303 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,682 - Well, we could just do the show with you. 304 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:05,706 But that door is closing. 305 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,000 - Close it. 306 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,519 You think you can bully me like this? 307 00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:09,543 Well, you don't know me. 308 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,272 Two can play at this game, Jack. 309 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,755 - Gaah! 310 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:15,466 - Ken, you don't want to be a page forever. 311 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,468 - Who said I've been alive forever? 312 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,179 - What? 313 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,680 No, I mean... 314 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,515 What's your dream job? 315 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,601 Where do you see yourself in ten years? 316 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,270 - Well, you know how much I love television, sir. 317 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,272 So I guess my dream would be to one day 318 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,024 run the network. 319 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,277 Just kidding. There won't be a network. 320 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,029 But whatever people are watching, 321 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,488 I want to be in charge of it. 322 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:41,117 - So... someday, you could be my boss? 323 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,620 Well, guess so. 324 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:44,954 - Huh. 325 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,646 - Now, are you ready to get started? 326 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,416 - No! 327 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,084 I'll brush my own teeth. 328 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,354 I don't want you to have any resentments towards me. 329 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:56,841 From now on, I don't want you to do anything for me. 330 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,010 - Hey, Jack. 331 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,302 Two days to the show, 332 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,180 and I still don't really know anything. 333 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,472 - I'll tell you everything you need to know, Danny. 334 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,059 Never do business with a friend. 335 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,228 Never be friends with a woman. 336 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,314 And lose the leather bracelet. 337 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,155 Pete, I have a problem. I need your help. 338 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,658 - Oh, my kid got hit by a car! 339 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,911 - Hey, Jackie D, what's wrong? 340 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:27,038 You're not your usual, giggly self. 341 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,475 - If you've got a problem, you've found the right people. 342 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,209 - Okay, I have a problem. 343 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,378 It needs to be communicated to Lemon 344 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,030 that if she wants to play business, 345 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,482 I'm more than happy to play with her. 346 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,650 But as she saw earlier today, 347 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,217 business Jack does not play gentle. 348 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,261 - Are you as turned on as I am right now? 349 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,053 - Lemon has a decision to make. 350 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,805 She can either be crushed by me. 351 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:44,514 - Ahh. 352 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,307 - Or she can suck in her stomach 353 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,759 and crawl back through the tiny crack I've left for her 354 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,270 in the proverbial door. 355 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,881 You think you can pass that along? 356 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,231 - Uh-huh. 357 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,276 Ohh. 358 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,945 Wait, hang on... 359 00:12:59,237 --> 00:12:59,946 Our t-shirts are wrong. 360 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,632 Do you want to switch where we're standing, 361 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,656 or switch our t-shirts? 362 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,118 - Just to be safe, let's do both. 363 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,996 - Really? He said crawl back? 364 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,124 - You're not really capturing the sexual energy of it, 365 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,416 but that was the message. 366 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,918 - So problem solved? 367 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,379 - I haven't even begun to problem. 368 00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:19,841 We are suing Jack Donaghy and NBC 369 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,373 for the rights to dealbreakers. 370 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,537 - Would either of you care for a drink? 371 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,522 - No. - Do you have drinkable yogurt? 372 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,025 - Simon, we're both men of the world. 373 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,068 - Yeah, I've seen some bras. 374 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,360 - I bet you have. 375 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,528 Here's the thing. 376 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,989 No one's suing anyone. 377 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,508 - Don't let him push you around. 378 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,242 - I'm not. God, leave me alone. 379 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,870 - NBC employs 80% of your agency's clients, 380 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,663 between are you stronger than a dog 381 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,166 and I'm a celebrity dog: Get me out arf here. 382 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:54,458 You need us. 383 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,335 I've already talked to your lawyers, 384 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,346 and they're not interested in pursuing this. 385 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,214 - God, Jack, why are you being such a wang about this? 386 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,786 - I'll take that as a complement. 387 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,402 An wang, the founder of wang computers, 388 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,528 is one of the greatest businessmen 389 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,012 of the 20th century. 390 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,306 And you're the one being a lowercase wang, Lemon, 391 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:11,851 because after working with me every day for four years, 392 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:13,537 you didn't trust me to produce your show. 393 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,230 Instead, you made it about business. 394 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,802 And I didn't get a bathroom door 395 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,817 that looks like part of a wall 396 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,736 by being bad at business. 397 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,028 - That's a bathroom? 398 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,298 - You tried to take advantage 399 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,656 of our friendship to make money. 400 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,617 - I don't need you to make money. 401 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,161 In fact, I'm meeting with your replacement tonight. 402 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,246 - Yeah? Well, I'm replacing you too. 403 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,416 Because I got all kinds of meetings lined up. 404 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,251 Big meetings. - Really? With who? 405 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,003 - Damn it, Simon! 406 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,012 You were right about Jack. - He's in love with me? 407 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:48,554 - What? No. 408 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,556 He burned me on dealbreakers. 409 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,059 And now I need to find someone to help me burn him back. 410 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,495 - Well, I could introduce you 411 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:55,686 to my boy, Scottie Shofar. 412 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,230 - You know him? - Hell, yeah! 413 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,082 I'm a frequent guest on sports shouting. 414 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,987 Nah, introducing you to Scottie 415 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,198 probably wouldn't solve your problems with Jack. 416 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,075 - Jack who? Set it up. 417 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:12,161 - Scottie Shofar. I know that name. 418 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,454 What does he look like? 419 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:14,372 - I don't know. 420 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,225 All white people look the same to me, Pete. 421 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,249 - Oh, my god. 422 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,168 Scottie Shofar was my assistant 423 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,820 on trivial pursuit. Ff' the movie. 424 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,547 I was horrible to him. 425 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,507 And now he's actually successful? 426 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,276 What if I got called in to audition for him 427 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,468 and he recognized me, 428 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,200 even with all the changes to my face? 429 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,555 That have happened naturally. 430 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,087 - That's what Danny was saying. 431 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,975 We have to be cool to everybody. 432 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,602 Because the future is like a Japanese game show... 433 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,729 You have no idea what's going on. 434 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,149 - Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. 435 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,561 Should I start taking them to test their side effects? 436 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,154 - No, Kenneth. I'll do it myself. 437 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,656 You don't have to do anything for me anymore. 438 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:49,949 Ever. 439 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,454 - What is happening around here? 440 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,789 What has changed? 441 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:03,163 - We're aboot to get married. 442 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,714 Oh, no, that's not right. 443 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,591 Ab-hah. 444 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,050 Obot. - Mr. Baker. 445 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:08,676 We need to talk. 446 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,470 - Now's not a great time, Kenneth. 447 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:11,387 I don't need anything. 448 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,806 - Sir, this time, I need something from you. 449 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,976 You've poisoned Mr. Jordan's and miss Maroney's minds. 450 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,979 You've got to tell them to go back to the way it was. 451 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,398 To let me help everyone again. 452 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,690 Including you. 453 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:24,816 - Kenneth, I don't... 454 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,486 - yes, you do. 455 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,821 Because you're scared. And frustrated. 456 00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,449 - Of course I am, because I'm going on TV tomorrow 457 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:32,759 and I don't know what I'm doing. 458 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,744 - Yes. Embrace your anger. 459 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,370 - What? 460 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,955 Y-You know, of all the weirdos 461 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,041 I've met around here, you're the worst! 462 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,653 With your creepy, Don knotts face, 463 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,754 that ridiculous Hitler youth haircut. 464 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,714 - Excellent. What about my chin? 465 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,233 - What about your chin, Kenneth? 466 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,937 I've seen bigger chins on a premature baby! 467 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,470 - Mr. Baker, you've just made me feel terrible. 468 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,889 And said the word "about" correctly. 469 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,474 Congratulations. 470 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,351 You're an actor. 471 00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,644 - About. 472 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,521 - About. 473 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,814 - Oh, my god. 474 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,733 Thank you, Kenneth. 475 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,985 - That was aboot the coolest thing I've ever seen. 476 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,612 - How long have you been there? 477 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:10,964 - Nine hours. - A few minutes. 478 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,657 - Well, you need to know something too. 479 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,243 No matter what happens in the future, 480 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,787 I will always take care of you. 481 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:18,621 - Kenneth's the best. 482 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,665 - He knows what I want before I do. 483 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,208 - Who's hungry? 484 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,168 - I wanted waffles. 485 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,258 - So you can have all the powers of Superman 486 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,590 for an entire year, but... 487 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,468 - Superman? 488 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,469 I've done hot yoga 489 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,001 with Tom welling and Dean Cain, 490 00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:35,721 and I don't think they're right for this. 491 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,515 No, I wasn't, um... 492 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,684 - Sorry, I gotta take this. What's up? 493 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,353 Nothin', just meeting with this dealbreakers lady. 494 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,645 I don't know. 495 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:44,768 Regular, six. Drunk, seven. 496 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,279 - Padma, I'm so happy you've taken an interest 497 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,822 in dealbreakers. 498 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,865 - I love doing top chef, 499 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,534 but this would give me a chance 500 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,244 to showcase my other talents. 501 00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:01,038 I mean, men always tell me I'm very funny. 502 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,040 - Ah. - Have you heard this one? 503 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,332 Knock-knock. 504 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,252 - We don't even care 505 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,021 about the profits from your actual show. 506 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,886 That's nothing to us. That's our Snapple money. 507 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,467 See, we're all about monetizing you as a brand. 508 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,786 - I'm blowing up. It's Rahm Emanuel. 509 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,073 He wants me to go to deer valley. 510 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,223 I am crushing it! 511 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,101 - Yeah, because I'm really looking for a partner in this. 512 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:23,561 Someone I can trust. 513 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,939 - So... I would be a full partner in this with you? 514 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,591 - That's what I'm looking for, yes. 515 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,151 - I like it. 516 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,795 You know, I'm very entrepreneurial. 517 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,654 I invented this new bag 518 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,657 that you put around a sandwich to keep it fresh. 519 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,576 But it's clear, 520 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,788 so you still get the full visual of the sandwich. 521 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,204 - So it's a sandwich bag? 522 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,957 - No, Jack, it's a new thing that I invented. 523 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,917 - Oh. 524 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,769 - The point is, we do business together, 525 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:50,421 and you are my number one priority. 526 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,715 Nothing is more important to me than you. 527 00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:54,342 I gotta take this. 528 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,676 It's Brooke hogan. 529 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,328 What's up, you tall drink of bitch! 530 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,930 You're amazing. No, seriously. 531 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:02,224 Amazing. Uh-huh. 532 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,602 Yeah, you heard me. 533 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,020 Yeah, that's right. 534 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,274 Yeah. No, seriously. 535 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,193 - So what would my time commitment be 536 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,110 if I host this thing? 537 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,779 - Honestly, two days a week. 538 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,989 - Wow, that's great. 539 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,508 Top chef has all this traveling 540 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:19,200 and all-day shoots. 541 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,576 If I could do this instead, 542 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,454 I wouldn't be so grouchy and exhausted all the time. 543 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,790 My clothes wouldn't have food stains all over them. 544 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,376 I could actually find a balance 545 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:32,546 between my work and being a mommy. 546 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,800 This would change my life, Jack. 547 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,552 - It would. 548 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,346 It would change your life. 549 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,806 - So let's do this. 550 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,599 - No. - What? 551 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,243 - I don't want to change your life. 552 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,019 I want to change Lemon's life. I'm sorry. 553 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,979 - Uhh, this business is so hard! 554 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,024 Not really. I'm kidding. 555 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,567 Go. Go. 556 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,177 - Lemon. - Jack. 557 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,304 - I was wrong. 558 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,140 It's you. It's always been you. 559 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,977 I want to do business with you, Lemon. 560 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,645 - I'd like that. 561 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,239 - Do you have a problem? 562 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,452 Both: Then call the problem solvers. 563 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,203 - Taxes got you down? 564 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,038 Wasps in your crawlspace? 565 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,332 - Term paper blues? Migrating implants? 566 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,251 Both: Call the problem solvers. 567 00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,336 - 'Cause after all, what's a problem 568 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,338 but an opportunity disguised as a stripper 569 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,923 having a seizure on your boat? 570 00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,215 Mouse in your house? 571 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,843 - Or need a cheap flight to Tucson? 572 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,137 Both: ♪ we are the problem... ♪ 573 00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,139 ♪ Solvers ♪ 574 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:06,551 - That was a good rehearsal. 575 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,142 Now let's record it. 576 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,144 And we're rolling.