1 00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:03,504 - Hello, everyone. 2 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,088 I'm so happy to see all of you 3 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:08,217 and to welcome you to season four... 4 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,361 Which is, of course, the name of this restaurant, 5 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:12,385 the number one Asian fusion restaurant in New York, 6 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,723 where we will be eating the number-one-selling food 7 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,560 in the rest of america. 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:19,853 - What is this? 9 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,022 - All right! Cheesy blasters. 10 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,315 ♪ You take a hot dog ♪ 11 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,918 ♪ stuff it with some Jack cheese ♪ 12 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,401 ♪ fold it in a pizza ♪ 13 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,278 ♪ you got cheesy blasters ♪ 14 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,340 And then all the kids say, "thanks, meat cat." 15 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,075 And then meat cat flies away on his, um, skateboard. 16 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,826 - I can't eat this. I'm a foodie. 17 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,996 - These cheesy blasters are here to teach us a lesson. 18 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,581 The economy is struggling 19 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,543 and your parent company is struggling with it, why? 20 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,546 Because we've lost touch with the heartland, consumers, 21 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:46,880 with the real america. 22 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,358 - Okay, that's a nonsense term. 23 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,716 All of america is america. 24 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,219 - Like it or not, you are all part of the elite. 25 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,889 When was the last time any of you worked for the minimum wage? 26 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,701 - Well, before I made it as a stand-up, 27 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,893 I was a bucket drummer in the subway. 28 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,585 - That's not a real job. - Oh, yeah? 29 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,481 Then how come I got sued for sexual harassment at it? 30 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,608 - Tracy, you may come from humble beginnings, 31 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,610 but you've been rich for a long time. 32 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,988 I think it's affecting your act. 33 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,680 - You know how on St. barth's people 34 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,366 be eating they lobster like this? 35 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:20,698 Don't look at me in the eyes! 36 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,875 Have I lost touch with my roots? 37 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,545 I better talk to rabbi Shmuley about this. 38 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:27,546 - Jack, if it would help the show, 39 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,465 I would be willing to "go country." 40 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,258 - Really? - "Go country"? 41 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,843 What does that mean? 42 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,362 - It's a totally legitimate career move, Liz. 43 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,746 The best way for a lady to get heat 44 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,886 in this industry is to either record a country album 45 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,808 or have a lesbian relationship. 46 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,476 - We'll start with going country. 47 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:42,768 To "TGS." 48 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,896 We'll trick those racecar-loving wide loads 49 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,588 into watching your lefty, homoerotic 50 00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,442 propaganda hour yet. 51 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,902 - You just don't like anybody, do you? 52 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,113 - Well... 53 00:01:55,949 --> 00:02:03,949 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,055 - Lemon, how soon can you start the talent search? 55 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,389 - What talent search? 56 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,401 - "TGS" needs to find someone who can appeal 57 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,516 to a broader audience. 58 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,896 Those two do not test well outside the cities. 59 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,357 Oh, he's burning money again. 60 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,360 What about Josh? 61 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,278 - Right, Josh. I forgot about that guy. 62 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,631 You think that's a good sign? 63 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,655 - Oh, Jack, please don't 64 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,366 make me look for a new cast member. 65 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,058 You make these pronouncements on a whim and then I have to... 66 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,870 - Lemon, this is a financial necessity. 67 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,922 Every division of the company is reaching out 68 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:44,748 to the middle of the country. 69 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,400 Our new mammogram machine is called 70 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,126 the "git 'er done 2000." 71 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,338 - Another actor? Why? 72 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,507 They have so many feelings and opinions. 73 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,050 All right, fine. 74 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,761 I'll make reservations for us at some stand-up clubs. 75 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,930 But don't tell anyone. 76 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,223 - Are you kidding me? 77 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,992 Remember when Jenna thought that blonde intern 78 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,476 wanted to be an actress? 79 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,228 - I'm studying acting and singing 80 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,730 and someday I'm gonna be just like you. 81 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,777 - I never did find her earlobe. 82 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,229 - No one can know about this. 83 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,822 - Know about what? 84 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,783 - Pete's stealing money. - Liz's uterus fell out. 85 00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,118 - Oh. 86 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,620 I think I already knew that. 87 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,876 - Thank you, Kenneth. 88 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,087 - Sir, I have a problem with my time card. 89 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,539 - So naturally you came to me 90 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,841 because this company is just the two of us. 91 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,926 - I received a memo saying that pages 92 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,387 are no longer allowed to work more than 16 hours a day. 93 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,930 - Yes, Kenneth. 94 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,616 Thanks to comrade Obama's recession, 95 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,726 we've had to cut overtime for pages. 96 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,686 - Oh, it's not the money, sir. 97 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,814 It's just that I always work more than 16 hours. 98 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,316 So I would be signing my name to a lie. 99 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,362 The Parcell name is synonymous with honesty. 100 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,239 As the hill people say, 101 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:04,619 "Parcell, gon' say del go up del saw say." 102 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,205 - We've all had to make sacrifices, Kenneth. 103 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,291 I had to downsize the payroll department 104 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,169 to one guy and an envelope-stuffing machine. 105 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,255 - Today's my birthday. 106 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,382 - You can hand in an accurate time card 107 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,383 as soon as we can pay for it. 108 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,344 But trust me, we literally have no extra money. 109 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,846 So do your part. 110 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,890 Sign your time card. 111 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,857 - "Dah Don say da bay ton daw." 112 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,197 - Kenneth. Boop. 113 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,865 - Thank you, sir. 114 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,700 - Elizabeth, I have your paycheck. 115 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,869 - Thank you, Peter. 116 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,411 - All right, we're on for 8:00 at the stand-up cellar, 117 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,420 then we're going to NYU to see that improv troupe. 118 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,870 - Okay, I guess we leave separately and then meet there? 119 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:58,840 I hate being sneaky. 120 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,592 - Luckily everybody here is dumb 121 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,677 and you and I are good at lying. 122 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,846 - What are you two lovebirds whispering about? 123 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,218 - Nothing. - Uterus nothing. 124 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,183 - Geez. I was just joking. 125 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,189 - I blame you and Dotcom. 126 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,321 You two have built a protective shell around me 127 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,027 like a hermit crab or a mermaid booby. 128 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,655 And now I've lost touch with the common man. 129 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,240 Eek! Who's that? 130 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,034 - This is Rolly the custodian. 131 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,620 You said you wanted an ordinary person to reconnect with. 132 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,542 - Oh, hey, guy. Come on in. 133 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,960 So, Rolly, where you from? 134 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,629 - Brooklyn. - Right on, my brother. 135 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,507 My dear friend Moby opened up a tea house in park slope. 136 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,509 Does he know you? 137 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,599 Hey, Rolly, you ever lose your remote control? 138 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,852 Yeah. 139 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,062 - And then your wife start getting all mad 140 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,456 because the roof won't close 141 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,720 and the bed that's in the shape 142 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,900 of your face is getting rained on? 143 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,238 I like you, Rolly. 144 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,700 Can I feel the rough skin on your hands? 145 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,997 - Sorry about that. 146 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,207 - What do you mean that was weird? 147 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,459 You've sheltered me too much. 148 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,104 I'm going out on the street and I don't want 149 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,629 nobody to follow me. 150 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,214 Nobody! 151 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:26,303 Um, which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of? 152 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,263 Right! 153 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:36,938 - Oopsies. 154 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,191 I think the machine gave me someone else's paycheck. 155 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,861 "John Francis Donaghy." 156 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:46,615 Hey, he's got a girl's middle name too. 157 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:54,497 But he said sacrifice... And no overtime. 158 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:58,168 So many zeros. 159 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,046 - Oh! - Oh! 160 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,007 - I thought you were leaving ten minutes ago of me. 161 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,318 Oh, well, we're going two separate places, 162 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,885 so it's not weird. 163 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:11,598 - No, nothing's ever weird now. 164 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,934 - Oh, hey, Liz. You want to share a cab? 165 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:14,809 - I can't. 166 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,020 I'm picking up my nutritionist 167 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:21,232 and his elderly son, so. 168 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,764 - Pete, are you driving uptown? 169 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,445 - Love you too! Bye! 170 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,496 - Good morning, Mr. Donaghy. 171 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,223 I would like to speak to you on behalf 172 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,582 of all the NBC pages. 173 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:38,541 - I'll give you a New York minute. 174 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,833 That's seven seconds. 175 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,796 - Well, sir, we pages and I 176 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,632 feel that me and they are not being treated fairly 177 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,175 as regards paychecking. 178 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,885 I'm nervous. 179 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,937 We demand that you give us back our overtime. 180 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,239 - We went over this yesterday, Kenneth. 181 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,473 There's no money. 182 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,851 - Sir, I accidentally saw your paycheck. 183 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,688 - Well, I hope it was inspirational. 184 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,314 - All those zeros. 185 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,983 It's downright UN-American. 186 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,818 - That's where you're wrong, Kenneth. 187 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,361 It's extremely American. 188 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,321 My talents are more valuable than yours, 189 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,656 so I'm paid accordingly. 190 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,658 Therefore, I'm entitled to my bonus. 191 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,326 - That's a bonus check? 192 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,620 You said there was no extra money. 193 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,622 "Bonus" means "extra." 194 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,666 I know that from game shows. 195 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,793 You lied to me. 196 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,420 - I didn't lie, Kenneth. 197 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,381 I massaged the truth. 198 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,033 What do you need to move past this? 199 00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,885 - Well, sir, you made a liar out of me 200 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,596 by making me sign that time card. 201 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,515 I would like you to sign your name 202 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,600 to a piece of paper that says, 203 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:38,935 "I'm a big ol' liar." 204 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,354 - I'm not doing that. 205 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,046 - Well, then we pages have no choice 206 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,899 but to go on strike! 207 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,651 - I like you, Kenneth, but you do not 208 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:47,569 want to mess with me right now. 209 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,905 I am in the middle of a raging period... 210 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,449 Of economic turmoil. 211 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,741 - Too late, sir! 212 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,744 Page strike! 213 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,499 I will wait. 214 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,791 - Ken! 215 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,420 How do I get out of this building? 216 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,112 - What do we want? All: To get you sandwiches. 217 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:13,803 - When do we want it? 218 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,573 All: Whenever would be convenient for you. 219 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,597 - What do we want? 220 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,825 All: To get you sandwiches. 221 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:18,849 - When do we want it? 222 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,740 All: Whenever would be convenient for you. 223 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:21,561 - What do we want? 224 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:22,933 All: To get you sandwiches. 225 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,063 - When do we want it? 226 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,912 All: Whenever would be convenient for you. 227 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,191 - What do we want? 228 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,652 All: To get you sandwiches. 229 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,255 - Lemon, how's our talent search going? 230 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:31,863 - The worst. 231 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,635 I'm lying to everybody about something 232 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,051 I don't even want to be doing. 233 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,868 Pete and I keep accidentally touching knees 234 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787 under those little comedy club tables. 235 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,955 What is a new cast member... 236 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,957 Shut up! Shut up! Here it comes. 237 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,375 - Good morning, y'all. 238 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,987 - Well, who's this southern peach? 239 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,231 - Do you know the song are you ready for some football? 240 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,632 - Do I? 241 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,151 That's what my phone plays whenever Ray Lewis calls me. 242 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,510 - Well, you are going to record 243 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,554 a rollicking new southern rock theme for NBC sports. 244 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,306 - Yee haw! 245 00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,992 - What sports does NBC have these days? 246 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:00,683 - Off-season tennis. 247 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,977 Liz, I'm going to need Jenna all day today. 248 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,479 - No. 249 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,358 Wednesday is a very important rehearsal day. 250 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,651 Where's Kenneth? 251 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,170 Picketing the building. 252 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,863 Whatever religious undergarment Kenneth wears is in a twist 253 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,490 'cause I took my bonus this year. 254 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,491 - Ooh. 255 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,618 They lost their overtime and you took a bonus? 256 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,746 - Is someone going to answer these phones? 257 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,665 Studio 6h. 258 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:24,957 Hello? - Hello... 259 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,334 - Hello? 260 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,146 - Why don't you give them some overtime 261 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,211 out of your giant bonus? 262 00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,214 Aren't you trying to be Johnny america right now? 263 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:35,718 - I am Johnny america and this strike ends now. 264 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,763 - Hello? Is anyone there? 265 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,348 I'm in sort of a tunnel 266 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,976 and I see a man with a Blue uniform. 267 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,853 I think he's a friend. 268 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,145 Oh, never mind. 269 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,730 There's a door. I'm out. 270 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,316 Oh, it's sunny! 271 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,696 Hello, fellow human being. 272 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,740 Would you like to ask me what time it is? 273 00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,784 Are you a large child or a small adult? 274 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,369 You look regular. 275 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,496 Can I get your name? 276 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:04,789 Is it Pedro? 277 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,624 Is it craigford? Is it swimming? 278 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,627 Are you a pre-op trans-centaur? 279 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,673 Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill? 280 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717 I would like some chicken nuggets, 281 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,678 a beer, and some of my wife's rice to stay. 282 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:19,970 Excuse me, sir. 283 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,098 Do you want to hold hands with a black millionaire? 284 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,352 Does anyone want to be my friend? 285 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,897 I'm normal! 286 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:33,151 - Len, this page strike is an embarrassment 287 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,443 to the company. 288 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,778 - I get it. 289 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:36,613 It's like I tell my assistant, 290 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,240 "your weight is a reflection on me." 291 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,868 - I can't have that apple-cheeked goon 292 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,621 outside screaming about my bonus. 293 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:45,496 What are my options? 294 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,498 - Let me ask you a question, Mr. Donaghy. 295 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,250 How do you kill a snake? 296 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,835 - Cut off the head. 297 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,546 - Of course! Thank you. 298 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,592 Now I won't be afraid to go into my garage. 299 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,612 All right, here's how we play this page thing. 300 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,262 I go undercover, infiltrate the union, 301 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,556 take this Parcell guy down from the inside. 302 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,474 - Very well. 303 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,643 And you have undercover experience? 304 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,229 - They used to call me "the chameleon." 305 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,775 Because of my slender frame and my big wet eyes. 306 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,321 - Has anybody seen my wallet? 307 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,616 It's an L.L. Bean child's wallet from the 1970s. 308 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,576 There's no money in it, 309 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,119 but I was one hole-punch away 310 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,621 from a free tasty d-lite. 311 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,373 Damn it to hell! I hate my life! 312 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,291 - Liz, maybe you left your wallet 313 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,585 in a friend's car last night. 314 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:33,544 - Maybe. 315 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,506 And maybe I will run into that friend again tonight 316 00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,425 and then I will get it back from her. 317 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,178 - Yes, she will give it back to you 318 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:46,099 when he goes home and gets it from her wife. 319 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,517 - What's up with you two? 320 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,519 You've been acting weird all week. 321 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,562 Weird? 322 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,094 - You left together last night. 323 00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,607 And then later, I saw you 324 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:55,358 in front of a comedy club. 325 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:56,650 - Oh, boy. - Uterus, oh. 326 00:12:56,818 --> 00:13:01,364 - Are you guys doing it? 327 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,656 - Yes. Yes. 328 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,034 We are doing it. 329 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,536 - Eww! - That's disgusting. 330 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,496 - So there you go. Case closed. 331 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:13,126 Pete and I are intercoursing each other. 332 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,961 Hi, honey. 333 00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,380 - Liz, I found your wallet 334 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:20,633 in what our children call, "big wed cawr." 335 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,135 - No, Paula. No. 336 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:26,431 - Let me get through this. 337 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:30,601 If this is what Pete needs... 338 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,229 I would be willing to welcome you into our lovemaking. 339 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,647 - No. It's... no. 340 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,259 - Pete, I know that I haven't been 341 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,721 very sexual since my mother died. 342 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,111 - No! Stop! Paula, stop! 343 00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,446 Okay, now look. We... 344 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,032 Pete and I have been sneaking around 345 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,118 because Jack is making us look for a new cast member. 346 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,620 - No! I hate that! - Lutz want to smash! 347 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:53,541 - Yeah, but you can't tell any of the actors. 348 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,251 - Do you not see me? 349 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,085 - Oh, dang it. 350 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,754 I keep forgetting about you. 351 00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,380 - You know what? 352 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,215 I've had it with this place. 353 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,593 I don't need this show because I could get a job 354 00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:07,096 tomorrow in the air force. 355 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:08,598 I quit! 356 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:13,186 - Oh, somebody help him out, for god's sake. 357 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,021 - You got to use your lower back. 358 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,983 - That's incorrect. Lift with your legs. 359 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,837 - Attention! Attention, everyone! 360 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,861 Strike update! 361 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:27,450 I am happy to report that local 415 362 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,243 has joined our cause! 363 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,496 - I think we should just give up. 364 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,081 "Yeah, Brandon's right." 365 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,413 - They are a blanket union 366 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,084 that includes mall santas, 367 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,294 horse whisperers, and bucket drummers. 368 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,214 - Hey, dudes, I'm organizing a viral protest 369 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,924 on tweeter and youtubes. 370 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,592 Anyone wants to get in on that, 371 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,677 just write down your social security numbers. 372 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,429 - I'm sorry, Brandon, 373 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,431 what show are you assigned to again? 374 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,935 - Donahue. 375 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:54,602 - Hey, tray. 376 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,313 How's the connecting to the common man going? 377 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,066 - It's going super great, Dotcom. 378 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,401 Meet my new friends, 379 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:05,029 nobody and his wife Susan Walters-hyphen-nobody. 380 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,531 I'm so far from my roots, 381 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,449 I don't think I'll ever get back. 382 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:15,164 What's that sound? 383 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:18,918 Bucket drummers! 384 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:23,172 - Once I'm vested, I'm out of here. 385 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,550 - Who are we? - Pages. 386 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:26,884 - Mall santas. 387 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,219 - And what do we want? 388 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,846 - Overtime. 389 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:30,847 - Cleaner beards. 390 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,223 - Who are we? - These! 391 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:33,515 These are my people. 392 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,811 Bucket drummers, if you're striking, so am I. 393 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:41,399 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18... 394 00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,985 - ♪ It's tennis night in america ♪ 395 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,557 ♪ grab some buds and some brews ♪ 396 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,071 ♪ it's gonna be a fight ♪ 397 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,963 - Okay, I have to tell her that Josh quit 398 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,409 without her getting wind of the "new cast member" part. 399 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,512 - Well, do it now while she's drunk on attention. 400 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,580 Or in an hour when she's just drunk. 401 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:56,914 - Cut! Good. 402 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,206 Let's take five. 403 00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,876 - You look pretty. 404 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,919 - Did you hear what happened? I am so upset. 405 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,796 - Oh, no. Okay, let me explain. 406 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,732 - I came in here to shoot these tennis promos 407 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,151 and they had Blue gels on the lights. 408 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,343 You know that makes my teeth look see-through. 409 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,762 You weren't here to do your job, Liz. 410 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,598 - Okay, well, Josh quit. 411 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,141 - Who? 412 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,286 Jack's counting on country Jenna to save the show, 413 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,870 but I just want to understand what it is 414 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,414 that's distracting you from the one thing 415 00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:20,938 you've been told to do. 416 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,523 - Really? 417 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,126 You want to know what I've been doing? 418 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:24,775 - Yes, Liz. Enlighten me. 419 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,653 - Jack is hiring a new cast member. 420 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,907 - If it is a blonde woman, I will kill myself! 421 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,243 Jenna Maroney is great! 422 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,037 No new cast member! 423 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,830 - New what? 424 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,875 If it's a blonde woman, I'ma kill myself! 425 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,002 - I don't know what to tell you, Mr. Donaghy. 426 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,756 Sympathy strikers, celebrities, clever signs. 427 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,400 This strike is getting out of control. 428 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,468 - Then step up the pressure, len. 429 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,094 Take Parcell down. 430 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,387 - I can't. 431 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,057 The man is incorruptible. 432 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,809 He was impervious to the charms of the nympho coed 433 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:03,856 charlene larue. 434 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:04,815 - Guide me. 435 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:08,236 Tell me what to do... 436 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,864 Nixon. 437 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:19,747 May I come in, Kenneth? 438 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,876 - Of course, sir. 439 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,836 Would you like something to eat? 440 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,506 I have some leftover turtle meat from dinner. 441 00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:31,717 Or as you would call it, "bonus" turtle meat. 442 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,009 - I'll just make myself a drink, if you don't mind. 443 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:34,804 Where's the bar? 444 00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,806 - Well, there's a bar in the shower 445 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,433 that the previous tenant installed to keep from slipping. 446 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:43,938 He still died in there though. 447 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,982 - We're not so different... 448 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,316 You and I. 449 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,048 - Those glasses are for display only. 450 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:52,071 - We both grew up poor. 451 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:56,742 We both put work above all else. 452 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,245 And yet when people look at you, 453 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,664 they see who they want to be. 454 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,676 When they look at me, they see who they are. 455 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,627 - Sir, you sound like the mall santas 456 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,212 when they come back from lunch. 457 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,465 - You win, Kenneth. 458 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,676 Ahh. 459 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,679 You have the moral high ground. I can't change that. 460 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,348 But I can destroy you. 461 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,493 If the pages are not back at work tomorrow morning, 462 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:25,354 I am shutting down the page program... forever. 463 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:26,646 - You wouldn't. 464 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,506 - Okay, Josh refuses to UN-quit. 465 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,115 Jenna and Tracy are on strike. 466 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,407 We have no actors. 467 00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:38,200 Now we could rerun episode 214. 468 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,994 - No, no, no. 469 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,597 That's the one where Tracy tore up that picture of the pope. 470 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,473 - In his defense, it was pope innocent the fourth 471 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,225 because he increased taxation in the papal states. 472 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:45,833 - Mm-mmm. No. 473 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,845 - Well, where are your solutions, Liz Lemon? 474 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:48,979 You know, this whole thing is your fault. 475 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,212 - It's not my fault. 476 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,256 Blame Jack or Kenneth or Tracy or meat cat, 477 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,548 'cause I've had the cheesy blasters for three days. 478 00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:55,759 - We have no show, Liz. 479 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,362 You better hope that strike ends soon. 480 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,447 - Why, so they can all go back 481 00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,751 to making my life a living hell? 482 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,557 I hope they stay on strike forever! 483 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,977 Is this really our first week back? 484 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,813 All: Whenever would be convenient for you. 485 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,857 Who are we? All: Pages. 486 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,400 - And what do we want? 487 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,794 - What are you still doing here, Kenneth? 488 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,861 I made myself clear. 489 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,113 - Well, sir, now that I know you're a liar, 490 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,685 I was wondering if you were lying 491 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,103 about canceling the page program. 492 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,744 And then I thought if there were no pages, 493 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,080 you'd have to pay somebody real money to do our jobs 494 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,831 and give them health insurance. 495 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,876 And if you don't even have money to pay our overtime, 496 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:33,047 then you certainly can't afford all that. 497 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,799 - What do you want? 498 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,301 - You know what I want, sir. 499 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:48,688 - "I am a big ol' liar." 500 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,236 - The strike is over! 501 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,697 - What did we get? 502 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,616 - A piece of paper that I can't really tell you about! 503 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:01,951 - Wait. 504 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,953 Was this strike just over a personal thing 505 00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:08,999 between you and Mr. Donaghy? 506 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,086 - Massage it, Kenneth. 507 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,047 - No, it wasn't! 508 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,920 - ♪ It's tennis night in america ♪ 509 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,270 ♪ grab some buds and brews ♪ 510 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,771 ♪ it's gonna be a fight ♪ 511 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,106 ♪ so put down your meth ♪ 512 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,607 ♪ slip on your whites ♪ 513 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,317 ♪ 'cause here in real america ♪ 514 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,696 ♪ it's tennis night ♪ 515 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,866 ♪ well, it's tennis night when the sun goes down ♪ 516 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,827 ♪ take the car off the blocks and pull it on around ♪ 517 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,747 ♪ where the volleys are hot and the Robins are round ♪ 518 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:52,668 ♪ the way they wear them short shorts is out of bounds ♪ 519 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,129 ♪ serve it up and smash it ♪ 520 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:58,048 ♪ the American way ♪ 521 00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,425 ♪ are ready to play ♪ 522 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,427 - In the barnett cup semifinal. 523 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:02,344 In the what? 524 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,036 - ♪ Got my lawn chair and my truck ♪ 525 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,181 ♪ not an ocean in sight ♪ 526 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:10,644 ♪ so kiss my ass New York, 'cause it's tennis night, hee-haw ♪