1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,256 Oh, miss Lemon! Let me help you out. 2 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,509 Oh, thanks, Kenneth. 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,802 What are all these little plastic containers for? 4 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,721 Are you pickling squirrel meat? 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,199 'Cause I can lend you my skull presser. 6 00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,223 No, Kenneth. 7 00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,194 I went to the new flagship compartment store 8 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,309 on fifth Avenue 9 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,146 and got everything I need to get my life in order. 10 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,857 There's a stacker thing to separate your junk mail 11 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,335 from your humidifier catalogs. 12 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,818 A thing you stick on your laptop 13 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,529 that holds your keys. 14 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,615 A round plastic deal that holds your shoes 15 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,158 with a pocket for a photograph 16 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,661 of what shoes are in there. 17 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,454 I'm going to become wonderful. 18 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,122 It's a new beginning. 19 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,874 Like a Phoenix rise... Look out! 20 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,922 Or maybe this is going to be the worst day ever. 21 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:57,933 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,694 Okay, morning meeting. 23 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,696 Everybody shut up. Shut up, Lutz. 24 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,197 Already today, 25 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,866 I have lost faith in decor-ganizing, 26 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,285 chipped a tooth... 27 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,577 Uh huh. 28 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,746 And lost a shoving match to what I thought 29 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,749 was a female bike messenger. 30 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:26,420 So I am asking all of you for the next 12 to 14 hours 31 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:27,712 to just be cool. 32 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,047 Let's have a normal day. 33 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:30,799 Yeah, guys, seriously, be cool. 34 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,342 Why are you not wearing pants? 35 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,194 They still have the heat set for winter, 36 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,304 and my office is boiling. 37 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,597 Put on your pants, Frank. 38 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,301 Cerie, please make me a dentist appointment for today. 39 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,101 You can't go today. 40 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,644 You... you have jury duty. 41 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,105 What? No! I'm registered in Illinois. 42 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,190 How did New York find me? 43 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,151 I changed your voter registration for you. 44 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,569 Ach! What's wrong? 45 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,237 You told me to be more proactive. 46 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,824 No, I told you to buy more Proactiv. 47 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,242 Liz! 48 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,094 Mr. Donaghy wants to see you immediately 49 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,361 about what Jenna and Tracy did 50 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,979 during the St. Patrick's day parade. 51 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,665 Was it something good? 52 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,751 Lemon, have a seat. 53 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,085 It was very simple. 54 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,057 I asked you two to host NBC's live coverage 55 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,481 of the St. Patrick's day parade. 56 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,066 Read from the cue cards. Promote the show. 57 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,943 So would you please explain to Mr. O'Cannon here 58 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,011 why it went so very wrong? 59 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,303 Sir, as I'm sure 60 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,671 you know from reading my blog, 61 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,805 I'm currently shooting 62 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,053 a feature film inspired by, 63 00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,183 but, for legal reasons, 64 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,769 not based on Janis joplin. 65 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:27,189 ♪ Synonym's just another word for the word ♪ 66 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,649 ♪ you want to use ♪ 67 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,220 We can't sing the original songs, 68 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:30,984 but it's gonna be phenomenal. 69 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,836 But, you know, between filming the movie 70 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,380 at night and working here during the day, 71 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,781 I am so exhausted. 72 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,783 Sir, so when I got to the parade... 73 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,868 That's no excuse, ye banshee. 74 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,871 You and this gravy face have slarneyed up 75 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,748 a real donnybrook. 76 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,209 Here comes the county cork steppers. 77 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,920 Their traditional dance celebrates the spirit 78 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,674 and the ingenuity of the Irish people. 79 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,509 Wake up, mother... 80 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,013 You're a disgrace. 81 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:04,726 Passing out and cursing on St. Patrick's day? 82 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,018 Is nothing sacred? 83 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,313 I feel I should be rewarded for going this long 84 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,440 without swearing on live TV. 85 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,025 The fcc disagrees. 86 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,917 They've decided to make an example of you 87 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,362 and fine you personally 88 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,739 $50,000. 50 grand? 89 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,157 Can anyone cut this in half? 90 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,449 Look at you. 91 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,034 I told you. 92 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,744 You're spreading yourself too thin. 93 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,329 I only heard the thin part, Liz. 94 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,706 Lemon is right, Jenna. 95 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,250 Obviously, you can't do both TGS and Janie Jimplin. 96 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,542 I choose the movie. 97 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,704 My face is bigger on movies. 98 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:31,877 No, I don't mean quit. 99 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,922 I mean, Liz will find a way to make both work. 100 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:34,673 Am I right, Lemon? 101 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,467 Well, I'll have to use you less in the show. 102 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,261 And I'll scale back the movie. 103 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,846 We could cut the lesbian scene. 104 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,515 But the oscars love that kind of thing. 105 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,392 There's two guys in my gym named Oscar. 106 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,764 Jenna, you have got to start taking care of yourself. 107 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:48,978 You're a wreck. 108 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,940 I am fine, Liz. 109 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,312 Jenna, that's a glue stick. 110 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,442 Mm? 111 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,153 You're going to the doctor. 112 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,196 Okay, great meeting. 113 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,410 Lemon, let's try to have a calm week 114 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:04,703 downstairs, shall we? 115 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:05,704 Oh, yeah, I'm trying. 116 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,196 I don't need any distractions. 117 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,375 On Friday, microwaves is announcing a very big project 118 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,295 or, should I say, very little? 119 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,088 The pocket microwave? 120 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,466 You can buy it on Friday along with everyone else. 121 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,925 It has a ham button. 122 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,552 You used my idea! 123 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,722 Jenna, I understand what it's like 124 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:24,681 having too much on your plate. 125 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,892 Between my medical practice and this job, 126 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,384 I'm pulled in every direction. 127 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,644 What can I do, doctor? 128 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,979 I haven't been this tired 129 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,391 since I was forced to do that dance marathon in Dubai. 130 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,407 Well, I can give you these pamphlets on stress 131 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,820 and diet and doing a movie and a TV show at the same time. 132 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,864 But you're all gonna tell you that you need 133 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:41,698 to give something up. 134 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,617 And they're wrong. 135 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,535 You can burn the candle at both ends. 136 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,827 Go on. 137 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:47,746 Well, my lab works is in the field 138 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,038 of sleep research. 139 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,625 Mostly because I checked the wrong box on a form once. 140 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,543 We are currently working on a pill 141 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:56,254 that keeps people awake under any circumstances. 142 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,024 It's being funded by the U.S. military 143 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,674 and the WNBA. 144 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,218 Well, does it work? 145 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:03,553 It's kept my lab rats awake for days. 146 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,198 But we're looking for human subjects. 147 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,222 Where do I sign up? 148 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,600 Oh, please, we don't want a paper trail. 149 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,357 Take 25 of these a day for the rest of your life. 150 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,027 Okay, I am going to jury duty, 151 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,445 but I will be right back. 152 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,030 I got my Princess Leia outfit, 153 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,322 some playgirl magazines 154 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,033 from the early 1980s. 155 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,285 They will dismiss me immediately as a weirdo. 156 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,954 Who's in charge while you're gone? 157 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:29,871 Oh, let's see. 158 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,165 Well, Pete is spending spring break with his kids, 159 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,457 so no one. 160 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,127 No one here is in charge in any way. 161 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,921 If no one's in charge, 162 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,213 who will yell at me for goofing up the lunch order? 163 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,550 We all will, Kenneth. 164 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,926 We all will. 165 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,805 You guys are my best friends. 166 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,351 There you are, Liz Lemon! 167 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:52,936 You want to buy half a watch? 168 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,938 I have to pay my fine in cash. 169 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,024 I guess fcc stands for federal bunch of sticklers. 170 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,610 Well, I hope you've learned a lesson from this. 171 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:01,902 I sure have. 172 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,197 I learned that if you pay some money afterwards, 173 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,116 you can say whatever you want on TV. 174 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:09,411 I can even say what Ernest borgnine whispered to me at... 175 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,037 No, stop. That's not the lesson. 176 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,664 That's always the lesson. 177 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,834 If you have money, you can do whatever you want. 178 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,795 Now I'm off to appear on Martha Stewart live. 179 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,213 Ooh, it's gonna be raunchy. 180 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:22,673 Tracy. 181 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,217 Great news, Liz. 182 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,552 I'm in the clinical trial 183 00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,512 for a military-grade anti-sleeping pill. 184 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,264 Of course you are. 185 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,658 So now I can still be on the show 186 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,118 as much as you want and do the movie. 187 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,894 Look how much energy I have. 188 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,785 Whoo! Come on, guys. 189 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,534 I just have to go and get out of jury duty, 190 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,108 and we can talk about all of this when I get back, okay? 191 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,152 Okay! Frank! 192 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,528 Oh. Hey. 193 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:44,529 I thought you left. 194 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,989 Listen to me. 195 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,074 I am not asking you this as the boss 196 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,367 you love to undermine, 197 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,454 but as the friend whose birthday you love to forget. 198 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,746 Oops. 199 00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:54,997 Just be normal sauce 200 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,416 for like two hours. 201 00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,251 Please. 202 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,170 I will be right back. 203 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,130 Bye! 204 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,466 And I don't really think it's fair for me 205 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,968 to be in a jury because I'm a hologram. 206 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,679 You seem fine to me. Report to jury Room B. 207 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,473 Charles whatnow? 208 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,522 The subject's unusually thirsty. 209 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,444 Everyone shut up. Shut up, Lutz. 210 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:25,445 Where's Lemon? 211 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,017 She went to get out of jury duty. 212 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,591 Can we get lunch from McDonald's today? 213 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,242 No. I need your creative input. 214 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,079 I have spent the better part of the last three years 215 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,251 developing a portable, miniature microwave oven. 216 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,558 Most of that time has been spent 217 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,751 focused on coming up with a hip, edgy name 218 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,103 for the product, something that will appeal 219 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,379 to the marketing holy Trinity: 220 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:43,731 College students, the morbidly obese, 221 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:44,339 and homosexuals. 222 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,257 Unfortunately, legal just informed me 223 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,010 that the name we settled on for our bite-size microwave, 224 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,262 the Bitenuker, is highly offensive to those 225 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,181 who speak either French or Dutch. 226 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,059 A Franco-dutchman would pronounce it "bet nyuker." 227 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,936 Hey. Zat's awful. 228 00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,146 I'm sorry, miss Laroche-Van der Hoot. 229 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,798 This product rolls out in two days. 230 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,609 We're in danger of losing the European market. 231 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,779 Everyone here needs to brainstorm new names. 232 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,431 Starting today, you are all members 233 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,198 of the microwave division. 234 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,741 We should make t-shirts! 235 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,785 Yes. And you're in charge of that. 236 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,277 Remember, this isn'ttgs, guys. 237 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,165 Let's not shoot for the middle this time. 238 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,502 Uh, absolutely not. 239 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,341 Excuse me, imperial guard, 240 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:32,429 how long do these arson trials typically last? 241 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,430 Couple of weeks, probably. 242 00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,432 You can drop the voice. 243 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,284 Oh, this used to get me out of jury duty 244 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,144 in Chicago all the time. 245 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,476 This ain't Chicago, honey. 246 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,480 Look at these people. 247 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,275 Oh, my 248 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,152 Studio 6h. 249 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,361 Kenneth, it's Liz. 250 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,322 Liz Lemon, where are you? 251 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,700 The pig spoor has hit the wind spinner. 252 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,828 Mr. Jordan cussed at Martha Stewart, 253 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,347 and miss Maroney drank all the water out of the toilets. 254 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,571 And I keep starting to sneeze, 255 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:00,831 but nothing comes out. 256 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,710 What? Does anyone there listen to me? 257 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,202 It's not my fault, miss Lemon. 258 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,605 You didn't put anyone in charge. 259 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,922 Look, I've been put on a jury 260 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,334 I will head up there as soon 261 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,776 as we are dismissed for the day. 262 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,345 Try not to let anything else bad happen. 263 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,475 I'm in charge. 264 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,686 Attention, everyone. 265 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,440 All menstruating women go home immediately. 266 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,987 Huh. He's been doing that for almost eight hours, 267 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,781 Dr. Vicky. 268 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,467 You know what I like to do for eight hours? 269 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,576 The TV guide crossword puzzle. 270 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,663 Give me your hand. Now look into my eyes. 271 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:41,414 Okay. 272 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,708 Uh, now let's try one 273 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,520 where you're not clawing at the window. 274 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,294 I don't think so, Steven. 275 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,253 This feels more natural. 276 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,305 It's just you're saying, "give me your hand." 277 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,634 This is what my character would do. 278 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,763 Oh, you're back. 279 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,933 Guess I'm not in charge anymore. 280 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,688 Hello? Guys? 281 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,108 I've got a couple hours. 282 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:13,904 Where is everybody? 283 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,299 They're all dead, Lemon. 284 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,323 What? 285 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,033 They're all dead unless they come up 286 00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,160 with a name for my pocket microwave. 287 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,120 They're up in my office right now, 288 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,331 where there are fewer... foosballs. 289 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,250 So who's writing the show? 290 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,086 Now that you're back, I thought you could do it yourself. 291 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,505 How hard can it be? "Hey, I'm rapping Obama." 292 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,258 Welcome to another episode of robot/bear talk show." 293 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,777 Hey, I'm Josh doing an impression 294 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,052 of DeNiro as an auctioneer. 295 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,780 "Do I hear $1,000? 296 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,804 Do I hear $1,000?" 297 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,223 Wow, that's really good. 298 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,700 Jenna fills in time with a song. 299 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:43,393 "Good night, good night." Mild applause. 300 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,603 You'll be done in an hour. 301 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,440 In the meantime, any ideas for microwave names? 302 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,609 Oh, okay. Um, the small wonder. 303 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,154 The micromate. The porta-hotty. 304 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,464 If you're not going to take this seriously, 305 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,114 then do your job. 306 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,116 Write the show, and, more importantly, 307 00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,408 deal with Tracy. 308 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,856 How? That guy's got enough money 309 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,163 to pay fcc fines for the next 200 years. 310 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,454 Forget the fines. 311 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,861 I've already dealt with the fcc. 312 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,543 And NBC is issuing an apology on Tracy's behalf. 313 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,171 Your problem is your advertisers are pulling out. 314 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,006 Oh, my god. With no ads... 315 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,007 No ads, no TGS. 316 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,760 No TGS, I see you self-publishing your novel 317 00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,492 and moving back in with your parents. 318 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,390 No. Okay. I'll go talk to Tracy. 319 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,559 Hello, Liz Lemon. 320 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,187 Just catching up on some work. 321 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:28,478 Really? Yes. 322 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,814 What sounds more shocking? 323 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,441 Or 324 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,195 Oh, god. 325 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,155 Here you go. Everything's okay. 326 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,698 What? No, Tracy. 327 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,926 Just because you have money doesn't mean you can say 328 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:44,412 whatever thing that you want. 329 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,374 This has gotten bigger than you just paying fines. 330 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,044 Our sponsors are pulling out because of you. 331 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,616 And if we don't have advertisers, 332 00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,239 they're gonna pull the plug on TGS. 333 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,007 Think about how you're hurting the crew. 334 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,508 I don't want to hurt the crew. 335 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,800 I love the crew. 336 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,428 All we do is joke around together 337 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,641 about our stupid boss, Liz Lem... 338 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,093 Well, anyway, unless you know 339 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:09,395 an advertiser that really wants to be associated with this, 340 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,980 you need to stop. 341 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,024 Great idea, Liz Lemon. 342 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,501 Wait, which part of what I said are you talking about? 343 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,693 The first 2/3. 344 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,154 I don't need to stop being myself 345 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,323 if I am the advertiser. 346 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:21,324 I have the money. 347 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,992 I'll just buy up all the ads 348 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,453 and let the hilarious Tracy Jordan character 349 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,745 do whatever he wants. 350 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:27,956 Put the phone down. 351 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,516 You can't do that. Jack won't let you. 352 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,060 We'll see about that. 353 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:34,295 Kenneth, I need you to set up a meeting with you 354 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,047 and the folks from ad sales. 355 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,466 What do you mean you're not in charge anymore? 356 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,097 Sir, Tracy Jordan from TracyCo called 357 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,469 to invite you to a luncheon 358 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,933 celebrating their new ad campaign. 359 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,535 What... seriously, Jonathan, not now. 360 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:49,759 All right, everyone, it's back 361 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:50,645 to the drawing board. 362 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,981 Legal rejected all of our ideas. 363 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,667 Every one of the names we came up with 364 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:55,275 was offensive in some language. 365 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,402 Including English, Frank. 366 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,237 They knew what a hot Richard was? 367 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,115 So we're going to think outside the box 368 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,407 a little bit here. 369 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,284 I am going to pick 370 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,595 some random letters from this bag of scrabble tiles. 371 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,871 Let fate choose a name for us. 372 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:12,875 V. A. G. 373 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:15,295 Why don't we start over? 374 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,422 N. I... 375 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:20,091 I have an idea. 376 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,553 Why don't I just pull them all at once? 377 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,345 Why don't we take a break? 378 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,711 Uh, Jonathan, could you get Lemon 379 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,476 on the phone for me, please? 380 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,938 Ms. Gaulke, how long have you been an employee 381 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,149 of mailboxes plus? 382 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,877 I have been an assistant Manager there 383 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,486 for over seven years. 384 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:41,195 And how would you describe 385 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,631 the events that took place there 386 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,157 on December 17th? 387 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,075 The night of the fire. Yes. 388 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,911 Christmas was always a very busy time at the store. 389 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,205 Throw in a late hanukkah and the fact 390 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,249 that I work in a "Kwanzaa neighborhood," 391 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,252 and it all made for a very stressful day. 392 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:59,505 I sent Malik uptown for more 18-inch boxes, 393 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:03,843 but he returned unrepentant with 12-inch ones. 394 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,139 Christine was la te, as well as Harry s. 395 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,600 They said it was a problem with the subways, 396 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,852 but I suspect they were doing sex with each other. 397 00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,772 How many employees do you have, Ms. Gaulke? 398 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,190 I supervise 12 employees, 399 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:20,193 most of whom would be unemployable in any other field. 400 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,862 They are selfish, irresponsible people 401 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,198 who I know talk about me behind my back. 402 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:26,699 They seem to think 403 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,327 that their job is wasting my time and energy 404 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,080 by making their every miniscule problem 405 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,831 my personal responsibility. 406 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,333 They don't care. 407 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,461 And don't even get me started on Tracy and Jenna. 408 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:41,964 And when the last one of them trundled off that night, 409 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,616 I smelled the air, and I could feel 410 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,260 that it was time. 411 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970 Time for a new beginning. 412 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,722 And I knew that this was possible 413 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,725 only through a cleansing fire. 414 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,602 It would all have to burn. 415 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,063 The packing peanuts, the delivery slips... 416 00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:00,817 All of it would dance in the warm mouth of my fire. 417 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,652 And a new, better, wonderful me 418 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:07,281 would rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. 419 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:13,204 Behold the splendor of my beginning! 420 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:17,083 I rest my case, your honor. 421 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,972 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 422 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,172 Underlings, I want to hear your ideas. 423 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,984 Oh, my god! I knew this day would come. 424 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:25,550 I have so much inside of me. 425 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,093 My first idea is 426 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,262 a movie that combines action and romance. 427 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,013 Kenneth, you go. 428 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:35,268 A name for a pocket microwave oven. 429 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,187 That's neat. A little microwave oven. 430 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,273 So it's kinda like a funcooker. 431 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,608 The funcooker! 432 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:43,900 Yes! 433 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,863 It's snappy, fresh, and incapable of offending. 434 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,614 Jonathan, get legal on the phone. 435 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,117 Kenneth, I owe you one. 436 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:54,370 One hug, you mean? 437 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,705 Jonathan? 438 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,057 Sir, they're reading Mr. Jordan's apology 439 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,292 if you want to watch it. 440 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:00,864 "I regret any pain 441 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,545 "my words and actions may have caused. 442 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:04,255 "I apologize to my family, my fans, 443 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,923 "and the American public. 444 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,925 Peace and love, Tracy Jordan." 445 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,927 A heartfelt apology from a comedy icon. 446 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:10,845 And we'll be right back. 447 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,973 I do not apologize, america. 448 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,933 I didn't even write that apology. 449 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:16,726 I am advertiser 450 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,937 Tracy Jordan, and I approve this message. 451 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:24,108 I'm an advertiser. I am an advertiser. 452 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,903 Is that 30 seconds yet? 453 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,907 Doesn't matter. 454 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:33,201 We have the funcooker. 455 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,953 Kenneth, hi, it's Liz. 456 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,747 I should be able to get up there 457 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,248 in an hour. 458 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,700 Where are you rushing off to? 459 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,791 Work? 460 00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,836 Not me. 461 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,528 I'm gonna have a sandwich in my cell 462 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:46,796 and take a nap. 463 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,424 This man opens doors for me. 464 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,801 I'm free. 465 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,220 I'm freer than you. 466 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,347 I'm freer than you. 467 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,646 Professor bananas is dead. 468 00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:05,274 Look, I know we're fighting, but I need to borrow your car. 469 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,860 30 seconds to air. 470 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,737 How are you feeling, miss Maroney? 471 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:10,488 Great. Alert. 472 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,908 Hey, is your vision steadily narrowing down 473 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,220 to a pinpoint as if the darkness is closing in on you? 474 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,537 No, ma'am. 475 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,292 Cast is set for robot/bear talk show. 476 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,710 Crew, take your places. 477 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,002 I'm back. I'm back. 478 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,314 What's going on? What have they done? 479 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,047 Do we need to shut this down? 480 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,339 Lemon, calm down. 481 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,901 Everything's going to work out just fine. 482 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:31,965 The show's about to begin, 483 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,176 your sketch is adequate, 484 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:34,507 and I've got the funcooker. 485 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:35,762 What? What about the... 486 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,115 It's the bear and robot 487 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:37,640 talk show. 488 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,392 Okay. 489 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:43,563 Jenna needs to sleep, or she's going to die! 490 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:45,940 Which one of you is Jenna? 491 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,733 Oh. 492 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,736 Go to sleep! Sleep, Jenna! 493 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,446 Sleep! It's for your own good. 494 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,824 Don't fight me. 495 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,659 Don't fight me! 496 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:59,954 Sleep or die! 497 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,372 Hey, america. 498 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:02,808 Come on, Tracy. Please cover for them. 499 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,375 Check out my funcooker. 500 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,003 Did he just say funcooker? 501 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,840 Oh, that's where I've heard that. 502 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,050 Sleep, Jenna! 503 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:16,304 Go to commercial. Go to commercial! 504 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,015 Go to commercial. 505 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,518 Hi, I'm Tracy Jordan. 506 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,146 My wife's throwing away some of our old towels. 507 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,647 Do you want them? 508 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,339 'Cause they're out by the trashcans. 509 00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,568 Now that's got to be 30 seconds. 510 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,653 Nine? 511 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,864 Okay, here comes the funcooker. 512 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:46,959 I'll be with you in a minute. 513 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:52,048 Could we get some diet slice and pita chips up in here? 514 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,166 Bitenuker! 515 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:37,927 Oh, 9:00 A.M. Monday. 516 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,096 Right, Liz? I'll be there with pants on. 517 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,388 You're the best. 518 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,640 Hi, girlfriend. 519 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,059 Let's go out this weekend and talk about you. 520 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,145 All I did was ask for a diet slice 521 00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,022 and some pita chips. 522 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:52,650 Nice try, Liz. 523 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,402 Now it's my turn. 524 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,323 Well, they're all terrified of you. 525 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,160 That'll get you a week of good behavior. 526 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,580 My containers. 527 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,499 My new beginning. 528 00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,876 Lemon, we've both had a rough week. 529 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,753 You went firebug, and I'm sitting 530 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,880 on four million mini-microwaves 531 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,812 that legal won't let out of the warehouse. 532 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,767 I suggest we both go to our respective homes, 533 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,261 open a bottle of wine, 534 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,223 and heat up some ham in the shower. 535 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,766 It works in the shower? 536 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,643 You know what? 537 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,522 This really is the best day ever. 538 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,402 Here comes the funcooker!