1 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,255 Thanks for coming out. Thanks for watching. 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,882 Love, peace, and hair grease. 3 00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,302 Hey, Liz. 4 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,071 Me, Lutz, Toofer, and Josh are gonna go to that bar 5 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,014 where the waiters are dressed like ninjas. 6 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:14,723 You in? 7 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,892 No, I'm just gonna go to the 24-hour 8 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,184 donut place and go home. 9 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,728 All right. 10 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,020 Donuts and then bed. 11 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,790 What are you depressed about or celebrating? 12 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,692 It's this endless adoption process. 13 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,224 It took me three months... Liz. 14 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:28,403 I am totally humiliated. 15 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,614 How could you cut diaper chicken? 16 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:34,409 Wait, I know. Because Tracy's the star. 17 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,141 Oh, brother, she's feeling neglected. 18 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,330 How's she gonna act out this time? 19 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,832 My ankle! Ah! 20 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,168 Oh, imaginary injury. 21 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,060 I would have said death of a voice coach. 22 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,713 Her birthday's on Tuesday. 23 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:49,466 Maybe all that attention will make her ankle feel better. 24 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,301 Hey, Jack! 25 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,488 What are you still doing here? It's Friday night. 26 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,846 I need something to do. 27 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,890 Don't you have some gallery opening 28 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,559 or a fundraiser to give bowties 29 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,185 to inner city youths? 30 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:01,687 Of course. 31 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,059 But I'm committed to Elisa. 32 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,110 While she's away I'm trying to avoid temptation. 33 00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,651 I just need somewhere I can socialize where women 34 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,319 aren't an issue. Finally! 35 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,073 Hey, now. Ninja times! 36 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:21,957 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,135 Excuse me? 38 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,055 Can we get a little service over here... okay. 39 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,987 Dude, I know you're getting these messages 40 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,101 because I know how to check your voicemail. 41 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,270 You are officially a d-bag, Tim. 42 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:47,107 I hope you lose your indoor soccer game! 43 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,151 Sorry, what can I get you? 44 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,443 A dozen assorted for me 45 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,820 to take home to my family 46 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,112 and the lady will have... 47 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,240 A dozen assorted. 48 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,748 Adoption brochure. 49 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,626 Should you be working the night shift alone like this? 50 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,669 It's fine. They gave me a gun. 51 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,004 That's $6.80. 52 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,882 I will have mine to stay, please. 53 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,092 You want a dozen donuts to stay? 54 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,886 And a skim milk. 55 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,055 What are you doing, Liz? Making a new friend. 56 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,824 I don't like this. You have crazy eyes. 57 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:20,848 You have shut-up mouth. 58 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:25,437 I don't want any part of this. Then get out of here. 59 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,565 Boy, that creative thing you guys do, 60 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:29,876 writing jokes for a living, 61 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,568 making the world laugh. 62 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:35,530 What do your dads tell their friends you do? 63 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,531 Surgeon. 64 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,908 Optometrist. 65 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,200 Died. 66 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,161 I never really knew my dad. 67 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,913 So I just lie to myself. 68 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,498 Space assassin. 69 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,270 I grew up without a father too, Frank. 70 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,627 Good ol' Billy Donaghy left when I was two. 71 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,963 He'd show up every now and then to impregnate my mom, 72 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,633 punch out umpires in my little league. 73 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,045 Last time I saw my dad, he went out to get the candles 74 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,888 for my fourth-birthday lasagne and never came back. 75 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,557 My whole life I said I was gonna be something. 76 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,893 Restore the glory of the Rossitano name. 77 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,230 In sicilian dialect, it means "well poisoner." 78 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,650 In Gaelic, Donaghy means "dung basket." 79 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,086 So I worked my ass off at S.U.N.Y. 80 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,152 Got into Fordham law. 81 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,613 No. You went to law school? 82 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:17,905 Yeah. 83 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,491 But I had to drop out after a semester 84 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:20,783 'cause my mom got sick. 85 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,203 Mothers. 86 00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,037 So what are we doing next, fellas? 87 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,206 Don't tell me we're calling it a night already. 88 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,124 How lame do you think we are? 89 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:28,500 The night is young. 90 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,272 We're going to Lutz's to watch movies. 91 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,878 Tonight, a classic. 92 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,255 Harry and the Hendersons. 93 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,256 You in, Jack? 94 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:37,551 Uh, yes, but I don't wanna go to Lutz's apartment. 95 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,043 His contract is up and I don't wanna feel sorry for him. 96 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,722 What do you say we go to my place? 97 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,140 I can do it. Sounds good. 98 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,183 And when I told Tim I was pregnant, 99 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,519 he just freaked out and didn't call me for a week. 100 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,646 Then he texted me and he was like, 101 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,107 "oh, I love you. No, I'm mad at you. 102 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,399 You did this on purpose." 103 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,776 As if. 104 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,738 Meanwhile, his Myface page still says "status: Horny." 105 00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,240 And I'm, like, if you care about me at all, 106 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,868 at least have the decency to Skype me face to face. 107 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,995 Man, there are just so many 108 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:08,957 different devices for guys to not call you on now. 109 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,351 When I was your age, you could just be like, 110 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,628 "oh, he probably tried to call me but my line was busy." 111 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,506 And then just watch falcon crest and cry yourself to sleep. 112 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,802 Thanks for listening to me blab. 113 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,473 So what's your plan when the baby comes? 114 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,765 I don't know. 115 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,410 I've been talking to an adoption lady, 116 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,714 but I just don't feel comfortable 117 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,852 with any of the people. 118 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,564 They all just seem really old and weird. 119 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:36,735 Not one of them even knew who Neo is. 120 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,197 ♪ I need you ♪ 121 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:44,493 Finally, thank you. Somebody cool for once. 122 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,788 Get out of here! 123 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,081 Can't you see we don't want you anymore? 124 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,543 Why can't you go back where you came from? 125 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,587 And leave us alone! 126 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,552 Go. 127 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,263 Go! 128 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,524 Good-bye, my friend. 129 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,527 He had to be mean to save him. 130 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,946 Harry belonged in the woods. 131 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,948 It gets me every time. 132 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,618 This reminds me of my favorite movie. 133 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,202 Shane. 134 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,955 Aww, when Joey wants to go with Shane 135 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,040 and Shane makes him stay? 136 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,918 Maybe it's because we didn't have fathers. 137 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,690 Maybe that's why we're drawn to movies 138 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,255 where the father-figure pushes away 139 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:42,509 the child/legendary north-American forest ape. 140 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,470 Yeah, but in the movies, it's a good thing. 141 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,013 Harry went back to the woods. 142 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,932 It works out in real life too. 143 00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,767 We're both doing all right. 144 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,978 Yeah. 145 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,193 Mm.hmm, mm. 146 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,654 Excuse me, Mr. Jordan. 147 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,586 I was just updating my staff birthday list 148 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,175 and I discovered I don't have yours. 149 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,844 That's because I don't have a birthday, Ken. 150 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:08,577 What? 151 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,149 I don't have a birth certificate 152 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,967 'cause I was born inside of yankee stadium. 153 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,082 I bounced around foster families so much, 154 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,042 no one ever bothered to throw me a party. 155 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,670 Oh, but even prisoners have birthday parties. 156 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,505 I saw one on oz. 157 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,215 It was... interesting. 158 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,800 I don't need a birthday. 159 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,177 'Cause I buy myself all the presents I need. 160 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:29,556 And because of my drinking, they're often a surprise. 161 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,474 Oh, but birthdays aren't about presents. 162 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,846 They're about being surrounded by people who love you 163 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,188 and eating a cake with your name on it and making a wish. 164 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,234 I'm sad you never had that. 165 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:45,739 My birthday's September 21st, not that anyone asked. 166 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,490 Hi, Frank. Oh, hey, Jack. 167 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,182 This morning it hit me in the shower 168 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,578 why the Hendersons named their guest Harry. 169 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:52,495 Yeah. 170 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,039 That film has layers. 171 00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:55,999 I was also thinking about what you told me 172 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,876 about your family and law school. 173 00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,628 Yeah, sorry. I was drunk. 174 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,147 I shouldn't have told you that stuff. 175 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:01,880 No, no, no. I'm glad you did. 176 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,340 We have a lot in common. 177 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:04,841 We both have recurring dreams 178 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,694 about being overpowered by a female bodybuilder. 179 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,262 Okay, we were both drunk. 180 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,889 But I wanna help you. 181 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,016 So I made some phone calls and if you want, 182 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,936 you can resume your law studies at Columbia, 183 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,564 this semester, full scholarship, no strings attached. 184 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,399 Are you serious? 185 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,901 Make your mother proud, Frank. 186 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:26,446 Make your father hate any new children he might have. 187 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,699 But... I've got a whole other life now. 188 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,910 I guess. 189 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,163 But we both know you shouldn't be working at a desk with... 190 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,623 Fake vomit on it. 191 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,750 Right. 192 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,962 Fake. 193 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,630 Excuse me. 194 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,591 Oh, god, please don't be a daughter I didn't know about. 195 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:47,883 Becca! 196 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,552 Hi. Oh. 197 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,054 Congratulations. 198 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,015 What is she doing here? 199 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,059 She is the show's new youth consultant. 200 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,978 It's a thing. The cw has them. 201 00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,771 Oh, my god. 202 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,791 I can't believe you're in charge of all of this. 203 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,775 It is challenging and satisfying 204 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,236 but it can't fulfill all of me. 205 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:07,713 I've got so much more to give. 206 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,405 Welcome. 207 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,657 Um, so do you want me to start 208 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,325 youth consulting now? 209 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,452 Because kids would not be into that. 210 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,744 Oh, Lutz? 211 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,914 Yeah, that guy's the worst. 212 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,846 Kenneth, this is the dress I'll be wearing 213 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,500 to my birthday party. 214 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,061 Please make sure no one else plans 215 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,085 to wear the same thing. 216 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,421 Yes, ma'am. 217 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:25,713 Did you know Mr. Jordan 218 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,424 has never had a birthday party? 219 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,009 He was too poor growing up. 220 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,927 Oh, that's horrible. 221 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,847 My heart goes out to all the inner city kids. 222 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,391 Especially those too fat to dance their way out. 223 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,923 I'm glad you feel that way, 'cause we have this big party 224 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:39,811 planned for you. 225 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,103 I know. 226 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,147 And we thought you could share it with Mr. Jordan. 227 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,774 The party, the attention, everything. 228 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,027 Isn't that a great idea? 229 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,490 That's so great. 230 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,826 I can't believe Tim hasn't called. 231 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,163 I guess I don't even care about us anymore. 232 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,123 But this is his baby. 233 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,135 I mean, him not even being there for the kid 234 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,292 is totally washed. 235 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,421 Typical Tim. 236 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,713 Anyway 237 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,258 I guess I have two choices. 238 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,652 Go back home, try to get back with Tim 239 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,512 and keep the baby, or give up the baby 240 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:15,930 and focus on my music. 241 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,975 So, Tim, keep baby. 242 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,311 Music, give up baby. 243 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,564 Can I play you one of my songs? 244 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,524 ♪ Now we are joined ♪ 245 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,860 ♪ in a cobweb of rainbows ♪ 246 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,152 Stop. 247 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,361 Stop right there. 248 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,031 Tears. 249 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,451 The world needs to hear your music. 250 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,231 You have crossed a line, Liz Lemon. 251 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,142 Becca's never gonna make it with those songs. 252 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:43,875 Says who? 253 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,502 Being terrible has never prevented 254 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:46,854 success in the music business. 255 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,047 Look at biz Markie or the doors. 256 00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,150 Look, before we were happily married with five kids, 257 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,509 Paula and I were Tim and Becca. 258 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,320 And I can tell you right now, she is confused 259 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,637 and he is terrified. 260 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:56,929 He ran away, Pete. 261 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,681 So did I. Five times. 262 00:09:58,973 --> 00:09:59,973 But I came back. 263 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:03,186 And when my caveman brain saw those babies 264 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,398 with their little Hornberger foreheads, it clicked. 265 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:11,528 You gotta give Tim and Becca the same chance. 266 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,452 Hey, what are you doing? 267 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,538 My pregnant teen message board says the baby 268 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,150 gets all its food from the mother, 269 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:24,958 so you have to give it stuff it likes. 270 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,751 No, the baby can't taste anything. 271 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,628 It just gets nutrients from you. 272 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,964 I'm gonna post a reply to JUNO32 273 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,841 and tell her she's a giant asswipe. 274 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,010 I can't believe you don't have kids. 275 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,302 What's that? 276 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,850 Well, you'd make such a great mom. 277 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,811 You're smart, successful, grounded. 278 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,146 Aw, go on. 279 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,498 You already dress like a mom. 280 00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:48,690 And stop. 281 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,276 It's not the right time for me to have a family. 282 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,444 But is that something you'd want? 283 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,946 Yeah, Becca. It is. 284 00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,318 Will you sing with me, Liz? 285 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,531 Oh, I'd rath... 286 00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,117 ♪ Mothers and fathers ♪ 287 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,619 ♪ and jugglers and judges ♪ 288 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:07,000 ♪ now we are joined in a cobweb of rainbows ♪ 289 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,418 He's coming! 290 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,713 The plan is working! I bit my tongue! 291 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:14,882 Surprise! 292 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:16,634 Happy birthday! 293 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,972 Oh, what a schmo, entering first. 294 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,304 Now I'm the headliner and he's just the warm-up act. 295 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,852 I'm Mr. Don Rickles and he's just me. 296 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,478 But I don't have a birthday! 297 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,939 You do now 'cause we all love you 298 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,358 and wanted you to feel this Joy. 299 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,902 I do feel it. 300 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,528 You're all so amazing. 301 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,739 And to think I was just calling y'all 302 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,240 a bunch of racists. 303 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,867 Aww. 304 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,869 Stop. 305 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,161 Jenna time. 306 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:44,996 Friends. Frank? 307 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,832 I am leaving TGS 308 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,251 for Columbia law school to pursue my dream 309 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,670 of becoming a lawyer. 310 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,886 Did you know that if you sing happy birthday 311 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,679 on a TV show you have to pay for it? 312 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:02,971 I did not know that. 313 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,139 ♪ Hap... ♪ 314 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,308 Hey! 315 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,952 My dad got us all seats for opening day 316 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,019 at the new yankee stadium! 317 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:16,486 Cerie, Cerie, Cerie, Cerie, Cerie! 318 00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,154 Ow, ow. 319 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,075 No one ask me about my back brace. 320 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,995 Make a wish, Mr. Jordan. Blow out the candles. 321 00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,399 Cerie, Frank, and Tracy! Cerie, Frank, and Tracy! 322 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,500 No one ask me 323 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,920 about my back brace! 324 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,047 Oh! 325 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,134 Hey, Jack. Frank. 326 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,594 Is that you? 327 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,638 I decided to take you up on your offer. 328 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,765 Good man, and you went to my tailor. 329 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,018 That's the same cut Reagan wore the day he got shot. 330 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,310 My mom is going nuts. 331 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,665 She's insisting you come over and let her cook you dinner. 332 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,565 Home cooked Italian? I'm there. 333 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,026 Now let me hear you say the seven most important words 334 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,598 in the American judicial system. 335 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,072 My client has no memory of that. 336 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,573 I also would have accepted, 337 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,593 "you can't prove that's the governor's semen." 338 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,617 Okay. 339 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,827 Yes! 340 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,751 What's the matter, Mr. Jordan? 341 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,187 I know you only make cheese friends 342 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,230 when something's bothering you. 343 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,254 You were right, Ken. 344 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,673 Birthdays are special. 345 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,258 And now mine's over. 346 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,760 And who knows when February 24th will come again? 347 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,637 Now that warm, happy feeling is gone, 348 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,472 there's no cake in my mouth, 349 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,266 and that birthday wish is malarkey. 350 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,894 Malarkey! 351 00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,730 Come on, Daniel. 352 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,109 I am so proud of you. 353 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,401 A lawyer. 354 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,571 Someday you'll have an ad on the subway 355 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,489 in English and Spanish. 356 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:44,198 Yeah. 357 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,575 And this man. 358 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,453 What you have done for my boy. 359 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:52,290 Frankie, go open up some more wine. 360 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,208 You got it, mom. 361 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,756 What do you think you're doing to my boy? 362 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,048 I'm trying to help him. 363 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,467 I see myself in Frank. 364 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,445 I mean, we both have fathers that abandoned us. 365 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,738 What do you know about his father? 366 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,473 You want Frank to be a lawyer so he won't be like his father? 367 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,766 His father was a lawyer! 368 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,392 And his father's father. 369 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,004 All the Rossitano men are lawyers. 370 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,520 It's in their blood to be lawyers! 371 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,939 Then what's the... for the mob! 372 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,441 What? 373 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,151 Frankie's father didn't abandon him. 374 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,236 He's in hiding in Phoenix. 375 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,198 Every Rossitano man is either in hiding 376 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,158 or six feet under. 377 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,118 You want me to paint you a picture? 378 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,661 'Cause I did! 379 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,999 It's part of a therapy-through-painting thing. 380 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,459 I had no idea. 381 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,419 Well, you shoulda guessed. 382 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,505 I don't think I should have. 383 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,256 Whatever. 384 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,468 I am not gonna take my kid's dream away from him. 385 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,944 You made this mess, you clean it up. 386 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,512 I don't care how. 387 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:52,683 But Francis Rossitano cannot become a lawyer. 388 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,842 Yeah, hold on a second. 389 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,104 Liz. 390 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,146 Do you know a Tim? 391 00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,272 What? Why? 392 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,567 Security says that there's a Tim Baker downstairs. 393 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:02,527 Here? He came here? 394 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,112 That's Becca's ex-boyfriend. 395 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,697 Tell them to send him to 15. 396 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,534 He's coming to steal my baby. 397 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,107 Don't even ask about the wheelchair. 398 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:18,751 Okay. 399 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,671 Also, my old vocal coach died! 400 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,008 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 401 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,300 Lemon, are you okay? 402 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,010 That pregnant girl, 403 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,929 she was going to give me her baby. 404 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,557 But now that dad is here, he's gonna ruin everything. 405 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,016 What are you about to do? 406 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:35,744 I'm the one who's been there for Becca 407 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,936 for almost two days. 408 00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,564 This Tim guy is totally washed! 409 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,336 Lemon, there was once a great American 410 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,901 named George Henderson. 411 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,154 He met a woodland ape, or Sasquatch, 412 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,465 and despite its dangerous message of environmentalism, 413 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,199 became his friend. 414 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,243 When the time came to do the hard thing 415 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,704 and send it back into the forest where it belonged 416 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,356 and birds could perch on its shoulder because it was gentle, 417 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,167 George Henderson summoned the strength 418 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,919 and by god, he did it. 419 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,921 Did it hurt? You bet it hurt. 420 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,590 Like a bastard. 421 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,051 But he did it because it was the right thing to do... 422 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,596 For the woodland ape. 423 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,014 You think about that. 424 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,433 What?! 425 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,729 Is that Harry and the Hendersons? 426 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,021 You've seen it? 427 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:22,899 This is my life, Jack. 428 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:28,946 Oh, my! 429 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,318 Miss Maroney, are you okay? 430 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,950 Well, I think I'll be okay in time for tomorrow's show. 431 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,536 But then I have to go in for more tests. 432 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,205 I'm so brave. 433 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,373 Oh, I wish you felt better 434 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,726 so you could help us figure out 435 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,793 what Mr. Jordan's birthday wish coulda been. 436 00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,085 What? Why? 437 00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,714 So we can make it come true and his birthday 438 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:47,673 can go on and on. 439 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,550 We've narrowed it down to 440 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,093 "own a robocop, 441 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,970 "hunt that elephant that paints, 442 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,014 or breakfast in bed." 443 00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,641 But it wasn't his birthday. 444 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,059 It was my birthday. 445 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:58,935 Oh, forget it. 446 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,853 I'm tired of making you people 447 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,563 try to care for me. 448 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,774 You don't care for me, clearly. 449 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,776 Nobody does. 450 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,153 My birthday wish came true! 451 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:09,779 What? 452 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,614 I wished for you to get better. 453 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,033 I was gonna wish for breakfast in bed with robocop 454 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,701 while a elephant paints us. 455 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,537 We were close. 456 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,306 But then I saw you with that back brace on 457 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,390 right before I blew out my candles. 458 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,916 It's a birthday miracle! 459 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,834 Tracy, that's the kindest thing 460 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,504 anyone's ever done for me. 461 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:31,050 Now let's make miss Maroney's birthday wish come true. 462 00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,342 Oh, that's so sweet. 463 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,710 But who would I celebrate with 464 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,208 if y'all were in a car accident? 465 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,314 Are you Tim? Becca's Tim? 466 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:48,192 I'm her friend, Jenna. And she does not wanna see you. 467 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,611 She's very mad and she wants you to leave. 468 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,614 Okay. That's, uh... 469 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:54,615 That's for the best. 470 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,200 Yeah. 471 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,994 Excuse me. 472 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,871 What floor is the Sci-Fi channel on? 473 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,206 Argh! Fine, Lithgow. 474 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,709 I'll do the right thing. God! 475 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,753 I guess someone's been watching the world according to garp. 476 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,755 Damn it, Tim, wait. 477 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,047 Becca does wanna see you. 478 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,695 She wants it more than anything, okay? 479 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,194 No, when you said she didn't wanna see me, 480 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,678 it was such a relief. 481 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,555 This baby thing is freaking me out. 482 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,241 You know how many people want what just got 483 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,474 dropped in your lap? 484 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:21,892 "Oh, now's not a good time. 485 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,824 "I wanna go to burning man." Shut up, Tim! 486 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,062 Do you love Becca? 487 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,394 She's, like, my soul mate. 488 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,208 I mean, in another life... You're not listening, dummy! 489 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,318 Nut up right now, get a job, 490 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,194 and help raise that kid. 491 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:33,880 Love it because it has your goony face 492 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,740 and get married and have disposable cameras 493 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,785 at the wedding because it's fun and people like it. 494 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,077 Where are we going? 495 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:41,746 I already cleaned out my office. 496 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,541 You've gotta go back where you belong. 497 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,168 You've gotta go. 498 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,919 No, I'm gonna be a lawyer. 499 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,548 I'm going to be like you. 500 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,216 Get outta here! 501 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,508 Go to the writer's room! 502 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,927 There is no scholarship! 503 00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,806 Can't you see we don't want you anymore? 504 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,017 Think about it, Tim. 505 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,686 Do you really want your kid to grow up without a father? 506 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,229 Jack, I don't understand. 507 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,941 Why don't you go back where you came from? 508 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,443 Leave me alone! 509 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,582 Good-bye, my friend. 510 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:31,003 Those two, they both grew up without fathers. 511 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,969 Hey, baby. 512 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,515 My god. Look at your boobs. 513 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:47,228 Kiss or something. Go on. 514 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,359 Oh. 515 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:56,362 ♪ Rainbows and the cobwebs ♪ 516 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,322 ♪ and the cobwebs of the rainbows ♪ 517 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:01,033 And stop. 518 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,455 I guess, in a way, 519 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,709 we both lost children today. 520 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,200 Yeah, but mine was real, Jack. 521 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,461 Yours was Frank. 522 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:13,963 Don't worry, Lemon. 523 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:19,802 I'm confident that someday you'll have everything you want. 524 00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:22,239 Can someone please tell me how to get out of this building? 525 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,639 It... it's like a maze! 526 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,307 I keep walking past the same... 527 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,393 Sbarro's! 528 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,145 Yeah. 529 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,314 I'm a celebrity! Please! 530 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,858 Sad.