1 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:05,565 - Are you sure you don't want to go to a real restaurant? 2 00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:08,008 - No, this food cart is great. 3 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:15,641 - Look at this guy. 4 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,726 He used to be a man once. 5 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,298 - What is that supposed to mean? 6 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,663 Don't you want what he has someday... 7 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:25,526 Family, wife, children? 8 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,280 - Lemon, you're a woman. - Of course I am! 9 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,572 That doctor was a quack. 10 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:32,717 I don't even know why my parents listened to him. 11 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,035 - I need advice. 12 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,204 Elisa is coming by this afternoon 13 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,581 to, uh, talk about us. 14 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,667 - Ugh, ladies are such a bummer. 15 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,599 - Where is this going? How serious are we? 16 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,588 Why don't you listen to my story about my friend? 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,548 - Well, where is it going? 18 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,633 Ladies like to know what that next step is. 19 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,635 They... we can't help ourselves. 20 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:54,072 - Oh, believe me, Lemon, I want to take that next step. 21 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,556 - You mean, like, marriage? 22 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:56,887 - No, the one before that. 23 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,559 - Moving in together? That's huge. 24 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,520 - No, the thing you do before that. 25 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,021 Think you in the mid-'90s. 26 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,024 - You haven't had sex?! - Shh. 27 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,402 Elisa had a very strict, very religious upbringing. 28 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,445 She does not take that step lightly. 29 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,282 We have, of course... 30 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,616 Pleasured one another. 31 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,410 - No, stop! I will leave. 32 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,638 - But she wants me to make some kind of commitment 33 00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,746 before we go forward. 34 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,358 Obviously, I care about her a lot. 35 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,126 But she keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion 36 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,420 that sex and love are somehow connected. 37 00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,672 - Okay, two things. One, be honest. 38 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:31,174 If this is a big deal to her, do not take that next step 39 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:32,466 unless you are sure. 40 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,761 And second, and more importantly, 41 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:39,349 in 2009, I have done it two more times than you! 42 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,268 Give it up. What, what?! 43 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,061 Whoo! 44 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:46,189 Do not leave a brother hanging. 45 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,481 Whoo! 46 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:58,118 ♪ ♪ 47 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:14,343 - Hey, uh, you ready for Larry King live tonight? 48 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,344 - You know it. 49 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,345 I cursed for three hours straight 50 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,431 just to get it out of my system, you dumb bitch! 51 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,349 Oh... 52 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,559 - No, listen, we have a request. 53 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,091 Can you please try to remember to talk about TGS tonight? 54 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:25,479 - You only have to plug it once. 55 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,274 TGS, Fridays at 10:30 on NBC. 56 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:33,445 - You got it. NGS, Fridays at C30 on TB10. 57 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:34,737 - Thank you. 58 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,532 - Oh... 59 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,594 This says you're calling me. How is that possible? 60 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:40,619 Hello? 61 00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,371 - This phone was left in my cab 62 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,098 by a woman wearing the shirt of a man. 63 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,708 - Oh, you left your phone in his car. 64 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,585 - Oh. Hi, I'm Liz. You have my phone? 65 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,337 - Yes. This is Asif. 66 00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:53,423 I am in queens taxi dispatch in long island city. 67 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,717 You come. - Yes, I will, thank you. 68 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,820 - Hey, why do you have Tracy Jordan's phone number 69 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:58,553 in your address book? 70 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,055 - I work with him. 71 00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,987 If you want, I could bring a signed photo. 72 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,558 - You bring $800, rich lady, 73 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,102 or I throw the phone away! 74 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,646 - What?! Oh, yeah, I'll definitely do that. 75 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,272 On opposite day! 76 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:14,111 - I'm new to this country. Is that a real thing? 77 00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,446 - Hi, baby. 78 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,115 I got you something to remember me 79 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,408 while I'm in Puerto Rico. 80 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,743 It's a caricature of me on a skateboard. 81 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,888 - So I guess you're still planning on taking your trip? 82 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,789 - Well, I've been going home every winter 83 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,457 for the last 15 years. 84 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,751 I guess I could consider staying, 85 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,628 if I knew where this was going. 86 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,464 - And the woman talk begins. Well played. 87 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,466 Look, you know I'm serious about us. 88 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,760 We're great together. We're Jack and Elisa. 89 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,512 "Jalisa." 90 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,848 - That's really lame, Jack. 91 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,516 - Yeah, that was just a joke. 92 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,528 - I don't wanna get all Mark Anthony on you, 93 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,729 but I need to know how you feel. 94 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,649 - I love you. 95 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,151 I love you. 96 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,902 - I love you too, Jack Donaghy. 97 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,320 - Then you'll stay? 98 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,906 - Okay, I'll stay. 99 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:00,907 But if I have to give up my trip, 100 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,326 then I want us to spend that time together. 101 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,746 Just us... Jalisa. 102 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,291 Jonathan, clear my schedule for the next week, 103 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,292 starting with tonight. 104 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,864 - You won't be coming in at all? 105 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,211 But what about Jackonathan? 106 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,880 - I think tonight is going to be 107 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:18,341 a very special night, if you know what I mean. 108 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,887 - I think I do. Don't forget your skateboard. 109 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,430 - But then he scores a basket, 110 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,682 even though he's not a wolf anymore. 111 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,225 - We're here with Tracy Jordan, 112 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,757 who just recounted, by the way, 113 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,771 the entire plot of the movie teen wolf. 114 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,732 What? Oh, hold on, Tracy. 115 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,234 My producers are telling me there is breaking news. 116 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,237 The Asian financial markets have just opened 117 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,739 to a huge sell-off. 118 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,575 And we're gonna switch to that story right now. 119 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,410 - Good. I'm glad I'm here. 120 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:46,902 - Your thoughts, Tracy Jordan, 121 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,414 on how this is gonna impact Wall Street. 122 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,459 - Larry, I'm not an expert, but I do have a strong opinion. 123 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:53,960 New York, as we know it, 124 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,921 will no longer exist tomorrow. 125 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,881 - Expand on that. 126 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,884 - Look, I grew up here, Larry, in the days before Starbuck. 127 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,677 And if Wall Street crashes, 128 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,514 it'll be the 1970s all over again. 129 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,600 People will get mean. The streets won't be safe. 130 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,519 It'll be graffiti everywhere. 131 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,479 And the movies will only cost $3. 132 00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:15,106 - Tracy Jordan, saying three serious things, 133 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,858 and then a joke. 134 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,406 - Oh, Jack, have you taken a gander 135 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:24,825 at the Asian markets? 136 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,327 The chuffa volatility index is off the charts. 137 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,721 - Well, good luck with that, jorgenson, 138 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,539 but I'm on vacation now. 139 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,871 - But I have these papers. 140 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,667 - Hey, Jack. You you doing? 141 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,836 - Like a lion, ready to take its mate. 142 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,716 How are you calling me? 143 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,554 - Oh, I lost my phone, and this jagweed cabbie has it. 144 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,597 - Hey, stop harassing my friends, Asif. 145 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,516 - Hey, Liz... 146 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:50,517 I just wanted to let you know that 147 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:53,645 I found that special picture that you took with your phone. 148 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,689 - What picture? Oh, my god! 149 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,524 - Yes. That one. 150 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,442 - There's a picture on my phone. 151 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,653 An adult picture of me! 152 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,613 - What?! - Drew took it as a joke. 153 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,448 I'm making a face like this, like... 154 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:06,820 Why am I telling you this?! 155 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,593 - Top and bottom? May I speak with Asif? 156 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,495 - No. Okay, what do you want? 157 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,330 - 2,000 in cash, 158 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,834 or I email the picture to everyone in your address book. 159 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,961 - Have you been to Asia, Tracy? 160 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,880 - My work has taken me there. 161 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,931 I was supposed to be in that movie rush hour, 162 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,926 but two weeks into shooting, I was replaced by Jackie chan. 163 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,887 - Okay, I'm going to get my phone. 164 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,471 - You're gonna pay that guy? 165 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,763 - Well, you know, I need my address book and stuff. 166 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,376 But I'm not going alone to meet some creep at a taxi garage. 167 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,840 Will one of you guys go with me? 168 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,039 - No, ma'am... good luck. - I would, but I don't want to. 169 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,857 - I will escort you, miss Lemon. 170 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,817 We pages are accustomed to danger. 171 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,628 - Thank you, Kenneth. Can you leave now? 172 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,321 This place is in queens. 173 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:45,882 - Oh, miss Lemon, I can't leave Manhattan 174 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:46,906 on page business. 175 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,284 NBC's insurance doesn't cover it. 176 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,636 I'll have to do this as a friend. 177 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,330 - Okay, fine. - Say it. 178 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,873 Say I'm your friend. 179 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,291 - Fine. 180 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,920 You're my friend, Kenneth. Let's go. 181 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,922 - The Mumbai stock exchange is now down 182 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,340 in early trading. 183 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,759 Is this panic becoming global? 184 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,411 Tracy Jordan, talk us through this. 185 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,763 - Larry, what everyone needs to do 186 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,016 is just take a deep breath, calm down, 187 00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,518 and start preparing their bodies for the thunderdome. 188 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:16,853 That is the new law. 189 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,522 - That's my TV! 190 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,983 - This is as far as we can get by subway. 191 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,653 We need to find a cab. 192 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,985 - Oh, miss Lemon, this is a pretty bad neighborhood. 193 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,406 AAA... 194 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,908 Aah! Aah! 195 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,995 Oh, I just got tagged! Unh! 196 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,706 Mr. Jordan and Mr. Larry King are right. 197 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,416 New York isn't that safe anymore. 198 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,294 And I am not risking your life for a cell phone. 199 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,964 - It's not just the phone, Kenneth, it's what's on it. 200 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:44,756 - I don't understand. 201 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,192 What could be so important? 202 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,511 It wasn't something of sentimental value, was it? 203 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,306 - Yes, very sentimental. 204 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,934 It's a song... a lullaby that my Nana Lemon 205 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,519 used to sing to me every night. 206 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,771 - Oh, was it "the day is done, my sweet, 207 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,503 for the lambs have been decapitated"? 208 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,734 - No, it was a German song. She was German. 209 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,695 And my Nana got very sick recently, 210 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,571 and I went to visit her, 211 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,657 and I had her sing it for me one final time. 212 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,742 I recorded that song on my phone. 213 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,036 And I'm glad that I did because she died 214 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,663 a few hours later. 215 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:17,955 It was my birthday. 216 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,416 - Miss Lemon, I am so sorry. 217 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,875 Would you sing it for me? 218 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,591 - Stop. 219 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,603 Now that I know the reason we are doing this 220 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,013 is not only moral, but beautiful, 221 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:36,808 then I will not rest until I get my friend her phone. 222 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,854 - Okay, come on. 223 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,689 - That was amazing. 224 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,358 - Thank you. 225 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,970 I watched an American masters last night about Barishnikov. 226 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,530 I picked up a couple of ideas. 227 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:53,824 - Our Sushi. 228 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,368 No, no, no, no, no. I'll get it. 229 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,873 You'll need your rest. We're going again in 15. 230 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,628 Jack, you've got company. 231 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,189 - Jack, why aren't you answering your phone? 232 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,382 - What are you doing here? - People are freaking out 233 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,514 about this Asia thing, and we can't find Geiss. 234 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:16,473 - He's awol. Now everyone's looking to you, Jack. 235 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,601 - I don't care what's going on out there. 236 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,477 I'm staying here. 237 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,562 There are some things more important 238 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,106 than a stock quote crawling across a screen. 239 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,525 I am in love with this magnificent woman, 240 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,712 and there is no amount of money this company could lose 241 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,630 that would cause me to... yes, that's the amount. 242 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,824 I'll get dressed right now. 243 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:38,328 - Bill Hewitt, under secretary of the treasury, 244 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,747 what advice can you give our viewers 245 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,749 in these uncertain times? 246 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,001 - The worst thing you can do at a time like this 247 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,395 is to pull out your investments. 248 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:50,632 Don't panic because... - Devil's avocado here, Larry. 249 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,884 I think people should freak the geek out! 250 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,804 Withdraw all your money and hide it. 251 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,472 - Interesting strategy. 252 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:58,924 - It's what I've always done. 253 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,017 I hide cash everywhere. 254 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,645 At home, at church. Even at work. 255 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,980 In fact, I've hidden so much money 256 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,526 that if some of it was gone, I probably wouldn't even notice. 257 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,018 - Now, why would you say that? 258 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,529 - I don't know. 259 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:24,124 - Don't worry, miss Lemon, I'll protect you. 260 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,627 Ah... it's just... 261 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,672 No! Aah! Aah! 262 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,084 Bad young men! Shame on you! 263 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,176 - What is going on with people?! 264 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,307 They took my wallet. 265 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,893 - Aww, is this your Nana Lemon? 266 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,746 - Yeah, she's the one we're doing this for. 267 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,855 She's dead. Come on. 268 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,524 - Wait, why is she wearing these glasses? 269 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,484 This is from new years, 270 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:52,962 but you said she died on your birthday. 271 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:53,361 That's in November. 272 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,053 - No, that's not a new year's thing. 273 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,948 That's the year she wanted to live to. 274 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,741 And she didn't make it. 275 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,743 - Sing that lullaby again. 276 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,584 - Keep going. 277 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,254 - ♪ Von 99 luftballons ♪ - I knew it! 278 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,590 That's 99 red balloons. 279 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,634 Nena's famous anti-balloon protest song. 280 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:17,594 You lied to me. 281 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,387 - Yeah, all right, I lied. So what! 282 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,890 You want the truth, Kenneth? You want the truth?! 283 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,262 - I can't handle the truth. 284 00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:26,519 - There is an adult picture of me on that phone. 285 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,980 - Adult? You mean, like, you're driving a car 286 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:29,981 or wearing a suit? 287 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,816 - It's a boobies picture, Kenneth! 288 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,484 And I only kept it because for once 289 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,576 they were both pointing in the same direction! 290 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:38,072 I knew you wouldn't help me if I told you the truth. 291 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,991 - So you lied to me? 292 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,927 That's not something that friends do to each other. 293 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,786 - Well, then, maybe we're not friends. 294 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,788 - But we are. You said so before we left. 295 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,373 - You made me say that. 296 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,292 - Oh. 297 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,669 Well, then, I guess I'm here as a page, 298 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,963 and in violation of NBC's insurance policy. 299 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:59,302 I should probably head back to Manhattan. 300 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,012 - Good. 301 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:01,971 I don't need you... 302 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:06,142 Co-worker. 303 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,819 Did you get a hold of Geiss? 304 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,529 - No. - Did you try his mistress? 305 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,658 - Not there. - How 'bout his manstress? 306 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:22,533 - Nothing. 307 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,011 I think we should listen to Tracy Jordan 308 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,620 and panic, sir. - What? 309 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,249 - I'm saying the disneyfication of New York is over, everyone. 310 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,580 At the stroke of midnight, 311 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,544 your Lexus is gonna turn back into a high pile of rats 312 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,797 fighting over a human finger. 313 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,399 - Joining us on the phone is G.E. vice president 314 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,423 Jack Donaghy. 315 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,191 Jack, what's your outlook on all of this? 316 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,095 - I just want to preach caution, Larry. 317 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:43,930 If there were anything to worry about, 318 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:46,975 I would be at my office, instead of at home right now 319 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,310 with my beautiful girlfriend. 320 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,311 She's Latin. 321 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,603 - Expand on that. 322 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,730 - Look, my point is is that 323 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,458 some of the things that Tracy is saying 324 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,817 are just fanning the flames. 325 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,194 - Hang on. I know Jack Donaghy. 326 00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,862 And that is an imposter. 327 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,531 Hang up. Hang up on him, Larry! 328 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,992 - I'm going to, but not because you told me. 329 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,287 Lincoln, Nebraska, you are on the air. 330 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:08,162 - So is this what you'd rather be doing 331 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,124 instead of spending time with me? 332 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,167 It smells like dude in here! 333 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,259 - I tried to call you. Why didn't you pick up? 334 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,981 - Because I'm sick of listening to you. 335 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,757 "Oh, I love you, Elisa." 336 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:22,760 This was all just another Jack Donaghy lie! 337 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,221 Like when you said you could dunk a basketball. 338 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,673 - I can on a regulation hoop. 339 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,099 Look, this is an emergency. 340 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,431 If I'm not here tonight... 341 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,102 - What? What's gonna happen? 342 00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,187 People are gonna die? No. 343 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,898 You'll all just get poor, like the rest of us. 344 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,067 You'll eat cereal that comes in a bag, 345 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,337 and you'll keep the free hand wipes from the casino. 346 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,506 You might even have to spend some time with your children. 347 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,115 - Who is this woman? 348 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,075 Why isn't someone shutting her up? 349 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,369 - Why don't you just go back to my apartment, 350 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,914 and I will meet you there eventually. 351 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,084 - Don't worry about it. 352 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,712 I'm going to Puerto Rico! 353 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,356 - Elisa, don't do that. You don't understand. 354 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,716 What's happening here is a once in a lifetime thing. 355 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,635 - So am I. 356 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,598 - Boy, that was kind of neat how she just whoop... 357 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,409 Flipped your words around on you there. 358 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,769 Sorry. 359 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,104 - Forget it. 360 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,981 We're never gonna find Tracy's money. 361 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,858 - There's something under here. 362 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,193 Ha ha ha ha. 363 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:23,780 Aw, it's nothing but a bunch of tarantula food. 364 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:27,825 - What... I didn't Eve know Tracy had a tarantula. 365 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,328 - You know what, there's an easier way to do this. 366 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,830 - Our next caller is Pete from Manhattan. 367 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,722 Pete, what's your question? - Hey, Larry. 368 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,277 First-time caller. Adore the show. 369 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,336 - Hey, I'd recognize that voice anywhere, Larry. 370 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,880 That's my friend Peter frampton on the phone. 371 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,840 - Uh, sure. Listen, Tracy, 372 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,652 I love the idea of hiding cash at work. 373 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,969 Can you be more specific about where you hid your money? 374 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:48,262 - Of course, Pete. 375 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,808 I hid my money in the safest place at 30 rock. 376 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,184 Without giving it away, 377 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,854 the place I picked is very dry and warm. 378 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,024 Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. 379 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,027 And although the location changes all the time, 380 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,696 the money stays in the same place. 381 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:09,617 - If you are just joining us, we're with Tracy Jordan, 382 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,120 who is giving guitar icon Peter frampton 383 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,038 enigmatic clues about a secret treasure. 384 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,706 Stay with us. 385 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,210 - Mr. Donaghy, this just arrived. 386 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:22,422 It's from Mr. Geiss. 387 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,382 - Everything's gonna be all right. 388 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:25,925 Geiss is back. 389 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,927 Jonathan, can we even play this thing? 390 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,345 Oh, yes. I keep a VCR 391 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,849 so I can watch your old football tapes. 392 00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,101 - Jonathan, what is that camcorder for? 393 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:39,772 - Nothing. I don't know. 394 00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:43,919 - Hello. If you're watching this, 395 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,321 you are an executive of the general electric corporation, 396 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,991 and the unthinkable is happening. 397 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,492 Capitalism is ending, 398 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,203 either because of the Soviets or something ridiculous, 399 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,495 like a woman president. 400 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,457 - God, he looks so young. 401 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:00,251 - I'm speaking to you in the year 1987, 402 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:01,836 but my message is timeless. 403 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,214 Avoid... the noid. 404 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,092 We've all worked hard, but now it's over. 405 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,136 There's only one thing for you to do. 406 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,139 Go to your loved ones. 407 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:14,431 Hold them close. 408 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,102 Because in the end, and if you're watching this, 409 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,354 it is the end. 410 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:23,733 Love is all that matters. 411 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,419 Now, how the hell am I gonna 412 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,111 turn this damn thing off? 413 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:30,615 What's that gizmo? 414 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,420 - Elisa? 415 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,881 I was about to do the whole run to the airport thing, 416 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,173 like Ross did on friends, 417 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,581 and Liz Lemon did in real life. 418 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,885 What are you doing here? 419 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,180 - The taxis want 500 bucks to go to JFK, 420 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,472 and the buses are worse! 421 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,391 Everything's gone cocoa for cuckoo-poops! 422 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:58,976 Is that right? 423 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,520 - Elisa, listen to me. 424 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,814 I meant everything I said, but I know that that's just words. 425 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,942 You want commitment? Here it is. 426 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,985 Let's get married. 427 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,112 - Jack... - I love you, Elisa. 428 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:14,033 And I don't want to be with anyone else. 429 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,952 Okay. 430 00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,080 But I want a ring so big 431 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,166 that it gives me back problems. 432 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,465 - That's my phone. I'm Liz Lemon. 433 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,068 - Where is the $2,000? - I don't have it. 434 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,927 I lost all my money and my bank cards 435 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,219 and my retainer! Jeez! 436 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,139 Please, Asif, give me my phone. 437 00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,201 - Maybe you could call a friend to get the money. 438 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:40,476 Or, wait. 439 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,020 Every number in the address book is a work number. 440 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,273 Work number, work number, work number. 441 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,024 You have no friends. 442 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,320 - Yes... I... am. 443 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,489 - Okay. 444 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,033 You have $2,000? - No. 445 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,995 - I'm gonna watch TV until you come up with my money. 446 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,747 Maybe you get it through sex trade. 447 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,207 You very pretty young thing. 448 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,084 - You're disgusting. 449 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,129 - I'm not talking to you. 450 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,463 - Frank, calm down! - Ugh! 451 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,464 - It's not in here. 452 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,008 - Ugh! Aah! 453 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,551 This isn't about the money! 454 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,283 This is about my own issues with Liz! 455 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,469 - Stop it! 456 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:19,390 - We have Peter frampton on the phone again. 457 00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,159 - Come on, Tracy, just tell us where the money is! 458 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,977 Where's the safest place in 30 rock? 459 00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,521 - Is that Pete? - I already told you. 460 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:26,188 It's dry and warm. 461 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,150 Its top is hard, but its bottom is soft. 462 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,902 And although the location changes, 463 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,238 it's always in the same place. 464 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,324 - There's nothing like that in 30 rock! 465 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,616 Nothing! 466 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,244 - I never said it was a thing. 467 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,204 - It's me. 468 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,249 I am the safest place in 30 rock. 469 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,514 I would thank you to give the lady 470 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,434 its cell phone back. 471 00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,936 - Oh, thank you for coming back, Kenneth. 472 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,355 You're a good friend. 473 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,106 - You mean it? - Yes. 474 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,198 - Because I'm having an asbestos removal party 475 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,353 at my apartment on Sunday... 476 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:16,113 - Yeah, I'm in! 477 00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,990 - Now that the U.S. markets have opened, 478 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,992 unaffected by the Asian meltdown, 479 00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,484 many people are blaming the panic in New York last night 480 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,455 on one man... Tracy Jordan. 481 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:25,747 He is here with me now. 482 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,334 Tracy, a lot of people are calling you a fear monger, 483 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,336 and I am quoting here, "an idiot." 484 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:31,772 What do you have to say for yourself? 485 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:35,633 - Watch TGS, Fridays at 10:30 on NBC! Word! 486 00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,571 - Good morning, Jonathan. - Good morning, sir. 487 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,514 Crazy night last night. Lots of emotions. 488 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,926 People getting carried away. 489 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,850 - Yes, it was a crazy night. 490 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:48,229 Is Elisa here? We're having a couples spa day. 491 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,856 - She came by earlier. She asked me to give you this. 492 00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,776 She said to just press play. 493 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,908 - Hi, Jack. I'm on my way to Puerto Rico. 494 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,493 I'm sorry. 495 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:07,581 Yesterday was crazy. Lots of emotion. 496 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,292 I think maybe you asked me what you asked me 497 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:11,584 out of panic. 498 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,505 So I'm gonna go see my family, 499 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:18,050 and give us both a chance to think about everything. 500 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,262 Okay, I'll call you. 501 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,055 Adios, mi amor. 502 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:27,393 Now, how do you turn this damn thing off? 503 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:32,273 - No! 504 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,483 That's personal!