1 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:04,999 Oh, good morning, Dr. Baird. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,132 Good morning, regular person Lemon. 3 00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,864 Oh, hey, are you around this weekend? 4 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,844 Uh, maybe we could have that date we talked... 5 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,305 Yes. Okay. 6 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,308 Uh, how 'bout... Friday? 7 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,894 Oh, no, Friday I have a stupid... show. 8 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,312 How 'bout Saturday? 9 00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,773 Saturday, uh... okay. 10 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:23,607 I guess that doesn't have to be weird. 11 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,150 Okay then. 12 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,902 Okay. 13 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,737 Valentine's day it is. 14 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,074 Saturday is Valentine's day? 15 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,659 Norts! 16 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,827 You sound so sexy when you say that. 17 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,119 Say it again. 18 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:44,127 Your mother's gone back to florrrrrrrida. 19 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,587 Mmm... 20 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,798 These mcflurries are amazing. I know. 21 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,925 The soft swirl of vanilla, 22 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,136 and the hard crunch of candy and cookies. 23 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:54,846 You'd think they fight each other, 24 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,808 but no, together they are perfecto. 25 00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,643 Some would say that describes us. 26 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,215 Who would say such a crazy thing? 27 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,479 Weare us. 28 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,439 Let a McFlurry be what it is... 29 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,775 The world's greatest dessert. 30 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,486 Actually, the world's greatest dessert 31 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,658 is served in a restaurant right here in New York 32 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:12,905 called plunder. 33 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,533 It costs $1,000. 34 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,869 Lucky for you, your boyfriend got reservations 35 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,161 for Valentine's day. 36 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,748 But I have to go to church. 37 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,750 On Valentine's day? Is that a thing? 38 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:26,920 It is the feast of the martyrdom of St. Valentine. 39 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,052 Please, Jack, don't tell me you're one of those 40 00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,591 convenient catholics 41 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,593 that only goes to church every Sunday. 42 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,595 Oh... no. 43 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,930 Ah. 44 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:48,434 ♪ ♪ 45 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,720 Oh, Kenneth, hey, you know how the company makes an effort 46 00:01:58,744 --> 00:01:59,744 to hire the disabled? 47 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,412 Do I! 48 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,704 I wouldn't have this job 49 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:02,849 if it weren't for the mouth on my back. 50 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,753 Yeah, I'm supposed to supervise some blind chick 51 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,185 they hired to edit the reruns. 52 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,729 But three of the dancers just found out 53 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,158 they're all dating the same guy, 54 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,381 so I'm gonna go watch that. 55 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,026 So if you see a blind chick, I don't know. 56 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,530 Um, give her one of your boring tours. 57 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,676 Yes, sir. 58 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,012 Yes, sir. 59 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,641 I was just funnin'. It's all sewed up. 60 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:24,852 I'll help you, miss. 61 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,190 Oh, thank you so much. 62 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,202 All my friends warned me about the big city, 63 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,779 but look, right away I meet a gentleman. 64 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:37,907 Is everything okay? 65 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,952 Because now I smell burnt plastic. 66 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,791 Hello? 67 00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:48,585 Are you there? 68 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,295 Hello? 69 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,898 I can't make this guy go on a first date 70 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:52,923 on Valentine's. 71 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:54,591 Why are you so nervous about this? 72 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,760 Because it's a delicate situation, Jack. 73 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,887 There is handsomeness involved. 74 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,848 How much? 75 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,434 Oh, come on, Lemon. 76 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,079 What is this, a green card thing? No. 77 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:06,645 Closet case? I don't think so. 78 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,480 Slump buster? No, not a ballplayer. 79 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:09,812 Bundy-esque serial killer? 80 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,250 That was my first thought, but no. 81 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:14,403 This is actually happening, and I'm blowing it. 82 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,030 Who pushes for a first date on Valentine's day? 83 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,908 Lemon, here's how you correct this misstep. 84 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,785 Instead of going to a restaurant, 85 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,496 where it'll be nothing but people in love 86 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,581 and rings hidden in pastries... oof. 87 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,033 Cook him a nice meal at home. 88 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,626 Nice... you mean, like, stew? 89 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,628 I certainly do not mean stew. 90 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,600 I mean, try to forget it's Valentine's day. 91 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,994 I'm going to. I'll be in church. 92 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,215 What? Why? 93 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,551 Elisa is deeply religious. 94 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,763 If I had those knockers, I'd be thanking god too. 95 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,055 All I want for Valentine's day is to go to plunder 96 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,849 and eat the lovers' delight. 97 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,517 That sounds filthy, Jack. 98 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:46,935 It is. 99 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,312 Imagine a dessert for two... 100 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,524 Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream in a pool of cognac, 101 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,736 drizzled in the world's most expensive chocolate, 102 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,653 amadei porcelana, 103 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,573 covered with shaved white, black, and clear truffles, 104 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:03,410 and topped with edible 25-karat gold leaf. 105 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,287 Can you imagine anything better? 106 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,458 I don't know, you ever put a doughnut in the microwave? 107 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,251 Come on, church won't be so bad. 108 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,543 Aren't you catholic? 109 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:13,794 I was catholic. 110 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,464 But I haven't set foot inside a church 111 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,549 since I was 13 years old. 112 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,652 So listen, so you go sit through a night of church, 113 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:20,737 and then you go to plunder. 114 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,845 Elisa's worth it. 115 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,597 You're right. Elisa is worth it. 116 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,807 And I can fake enthusiasm when I need to. 117 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,684 Hey, that scarf is fun! 118 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,478 Thanks. I found it at dunkin... 119 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,605 Wait a minute. 120 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,529 NBC. Blah blah blah. Thank you. 121 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,616 Ken, you need to snap out of it 122 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,451 and ask out that sexy miss Magoo. 123 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,620 I have no idea what you're talking about. 124 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,997 I know love at first sight when I see it. 125 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,541 I saw it when I met Angie, 126 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,543 I saw it the first time Dotcom laid eyes 127 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,337 on Grizz's fiancee. 128 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,672 Okay, there is something about Jennifer 129 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,384 that just makes me all car sick inside. 130 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,932 Now is the time for gallantry. 131 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,811 Aah! 132 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,525 Oh... oh... 133 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,817 It's you again. 134 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,569 I can tell. 135 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,493 Well, cotton and fiddles! I enjoy your smile. 136 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:29,579 Oh, my. I'm Jennifer Rogers. 137 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,207 You may call me Kenneth the page. 138 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,292 Because that is who I am. 139 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,628 Would you like to go out with me tomorrow night, 140 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,839 yes-indeedy corncobs? 141 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,507 Well, I'm gonna say yes. 142 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,509 Because this just feels right, 143 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,428 and my instincts have never let me down. 144 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,347 Except for looking at that eclipse. 145 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:51,351 It's a Valentine's datelie-doo! 146 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,401 That was really good stew. 147 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,278 Thank you. It's my own recipe, 148 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,290 where I use cheddar cheese instead of water. 149 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,156 You know, I'm glad we stayed in tonight. 150 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,700 It's good to take things slow. 151 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,869 Well, please know that when I invited you over, 152 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,720 I didn't realize it was Valentine's day. 153 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,473 Yeah, you still have that rotting Jack-o'-lantern 154 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:13,497 in the hallway, 155 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:14,457 so I feel like you don't have a great sense 156 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:15,375 of what month it is. 157 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,460 Well, it's just gotten so small 158 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,629 that I kinda want to see if it disappears. 159 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,299 So, uh, first date stuff. 160 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:23,591 Where are you from? 161 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,052 Well, um, there's a really interesting answer 162 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,012 to that question, actually. 163 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,682 I was born on the border of Maryland and Pennsylvania. 164 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,743 Okay, I feel like I should do the right thing here 165 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,127 and tell you that your breast is falling out of your blouse, 166 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,772 and I can see all of it. 167 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:42,360 Okay, well, I guess we just jumped ahead to date four. 168 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,212 It's not the good one, either. 169 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,142 Jack Donaghy's office. 170 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,375 Jonathan! 171 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,712 Our Jonathan, who art in the office, 172 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,881 hallowed be my reservation. 173 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,383 If you are able, hold my table, 174 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,218 at plunder, 175 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,845 as we will not be there by 7:00. 176 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,514 Have them delay our heavenly dessert, 177 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,850 and forgive us our lateness, 178 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,729 as we forgive those who cause lateness against us... 179 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,759 Well, thank you for explaining that. 180 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,963 I always wanted to know how a universal remote works. 181 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,366 Well, that's how it does. 182 00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,954 Would you excuse me just one second? 183 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,580 I'll be right back. 184 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:44,673 Oh, cheese stew! What was I thinking?! 185 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,344 I think your brownies are burning. 186 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,345 You want me to take 'em out? 187 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,346 Yes, please. 188 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,638 But whatever you do, 189 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,599 don't open that kitchen window... 190 00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,726 No! 191 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,018 Oh, too soon! 192 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,067 The draft made the door fly open! 193 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,026 I know. It's not a big deal. 194 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,570 So we skipped from date four to date... 20. 195 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,115 No, date never. I would never let that happen. 196 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,701 Liz, it's okay, I'm a doctor. I've seen much worse. 197 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,793 Really? I'm just kidding. That was pretty bad. 198 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,746 Oh! 199 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,708 Hold on. Sorry. I have to get this. 200 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:20,625 Hello, Mandy. 201 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,586 Yeah, no, I'm downstairs in 3-b. Why? 202 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,506 No, Mandy, you can't just drop her off without calling. 203 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,025 Mandy? Is that like a guy friend? 204 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,134 Like Mandy Patinkin? 205 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,427 No, I can't. 206 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,721 Because I am on a date right now. 207 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,597 No, Mandy, don't hang up. 208 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,057 Sorry. 209 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,392 That was my ex-wife. 210 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,352 My daughter Bethany is on her way up. 211 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:40,729 You have a daughter? 212 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,456 You will see her. You will say she's cute. 213 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,109 But let me just say that she is... complicated. 214 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,737 My mother usually watches her when I can't, 215 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,673 but my mother has been in the hospital recently, 216 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:51,897 and she's not doing very well. 217 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,410 And that has been... Hard for me to handle. 218 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,163 I'm sorry that all this keeps falling apart. 219 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,623 I was really looking forward to tonight. 220 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,309 Well, we can try again some other time. 221 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,544 Or... I'm listening. 222 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,005 Maybe tonight is a gift. 223 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,175 Maybe we embrace the toilet thing, 224 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,861 and the bra incident, and my ex-wife, 225 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:12,510 and my daughter, 226 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:13,470 and we just get it all out in one night. 227 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,764 And if by the end of it we still like each other, 228 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,515 then maybe it's the real thing. 229 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,186 That would be Bethany. 230 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,189 Well, this is it. 231 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,875 The express train is leaving the station. 232 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,776 I'm on the train. 233 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,361 Okay. 234 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,782 Mom's keying your car. 235 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:34,532 Bethany, this is Liz. 236 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,117 Hi, it's so nice to mee... 237 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,702 Why does it smell in here? 238 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:38,703 Cheese stew. I got sick. 239 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:39,704 Cheese stew. 240 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:40,497 Okay, be nice. 241 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,207 I will be right back 242 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,684 after I go talk to your mother. 243 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:44,417 And... give me your purse. 244 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:45,210 Why don't you ever trust me? 245 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:50,173 Because, honey, you keep setting fire to things. 246 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,636 And now a prayer 247 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,763 for the pregnant members of our congregation. 248 00:09:57,055 --> 00:10:01,726 Anita Alvarez... Anna Alvarez... 249 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,562 Anabel Al varez... 250 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,356 Honey, this is a catholic church. 251 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:07,768 We'll be here until morning. 252 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,651 All right, you've been good. 253 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,444 Let's go. 254 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,155 We just have to go to confession before we leave. 255 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,199 Benita Alveroz. 256 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,596 Okay, here's how this is gonna go. 257 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,860 We're gonna sit here in silence 258 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:22,996 for about three minutes, 259 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,542 then I'm going to take my girlfriend to plunder, 260 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:29,170 where the pope himself could not get a table. 261 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,965 You sound troubled, my son. Can it, father. 262 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,377 That was a nice try, though. 263 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,135 That limo ride was weird. 264 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:38,179 It felt like we just circled the block 50 times. 265 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,766 That's how you get to Manhattan's fanciest restaurant. 266 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:45,603 Ah, monsieur Parcell. Votre table est pret. 267 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,356 I didn't know it was a French restaurant. 268 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,692 Yes, I found it on my favorite web site... 269 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,194 Stopshowingoff.com. 270 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,740 It's busy tonight. 271 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,243 It's the best darn-tootenest restaurant 272 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,036 in all of New York. 273 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,498 This is the best night ever. Thank you, Kenneth. 274 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,334 You're one in a million. 275 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,813 Man, can you believe we're working on Valentine's night? 276 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,547 My fiancee's gonna be upset. 277 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,464 Not to worry. 278 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,508 I sent her flowers and a beautiful card. 279 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,511 You're the best. 280 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,346 Don't you have faith? 281 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,765 I have faith in things I can see, 282 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,310 and buy, and deregulate. 283 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:26,644 Capitalism is my religion. 284 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,539 Now, you want to have an intellectual argument? 285 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,207 Fine. But I should warn you, I went to Princeton. 286 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,649 I went to Harvard divinity school. 287 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:35,028 You crimson guys never miss a chance, do you? 288 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,571 You want a confession? 289 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,073 Let's get this done so I can go eat. 290 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,617 I am divorced. 291 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,636 I take the lord's name in vain often and with great relish. 292 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:47,332 I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident. 293 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,864 I almost let him choke to death 294 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,237 right there on the football field. 295 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,338 I looked the other way when my wig-based parent company 296 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,048 turned a bunch of children orange. 297 00:11:55,340 --> 00:12:00,136 I once claimed, "I am god" during a deposition. 298 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,848 And I may have sodomized our former vice president 299 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,101 while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics. 300 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:11,272 Ah... it feels good to say that out loud, actually. 301 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,684 That one was weighing on me. 302 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,026 Wow, I, uh... 303 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:16,611 I don't know what to say. 304 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,238 I don't want you to say anything. 305 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,239 I already made that clear. 306 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,783 Then what... brought you here tonight? 307 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,243 What brought me here? 308 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:24,661 What brings anyone anywhere? 309 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:26,996 Why do men build Bridges? Why are there jets? 310 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,915 I was hoping to have sex tonight. 311 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,834 Have you ever made love to a woman, father? 312 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,253 Come on, man. 313 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,005 Imagine cradling your face into the curve 314 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,591 of a velvety-soft neck. 315 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,344 Your hands cupping the warm heft 316 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:42,804 of the greatest pair of... 317 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,347 I need backup! 318 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,599 Harvard did not prepare me for this. 319 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,518 Father? 320 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,694 I like your bracelets. 321 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:58,695 Girls at my school get them 322 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,530 for doing different things on the bus. 323 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,782 Blue is for showing your boobs. 324 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,754 Purple's for doing stuff over your clothes. 325 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,577 Black is for doing stuff... Okay, uh... 326 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:07,869 Your mom left. 327 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,956 How are you two getting along? 328 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:14,377 She had some more stew while you were outside. 329 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,589 Whoa. Wow, Liz, did you kill the whole bottle? 330 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,508 What? 331 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,096 Sorry... uh... hello. 332 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:26,431 Yes, Gloria. 333 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,890 Why are you crying? 334 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,726 Gloria? How many ex-wives does he have? 335 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,603 That's my aunt. She's not gonna like you. 336 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:33,895 No, of course. 337 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:34,999 I'll be there as soon as I can. 338 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,524 Yeah. Good-bye. 339 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,651 Mom has taken a turn. 340 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,153 Oh, I'm so sorry. 341 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,755 Look, I know we said that we would take this 342 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,156 in fast motion tonight, but... 343 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,157 No, no, I know. 344 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,449 I really am glad we did, 345 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,469 because I don't think I could handle this by myself. 346 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,079 Oh... okay. 347 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,376 What? Liz knew. 348 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,754 Entertainment? 349 00:13:58,046 --> 00:13:59,964 Not just any entertainment. 350 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,716 The best singer in the world... 351 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,885 Michael McDonald. 352 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,554 Aah! 353 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,223 She came from somewhere ♪ 354 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:13,061 ♪ back in her long ago ♪ 355 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,022 ♪ sentimental fool though she's trying hard ♪ 356 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,315 ♪ to recreate... ♪ 357 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,026 Wow, he does not sound good live. 358 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,362 ♪ Once in her life ♪ 359 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,040 Okay, in English. In English. 360 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,209 You tortured that poor priest. 361 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,501 Let me ask you something. 362 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,379 Do you even believe in the teachings 363 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:40,380 of the catholic church? 364 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,215 No. 365 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,342 But I saw your photo with the pope. 366 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:45,927 That's just good business. 367 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,529 I have photos with a lot of people. 368 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,222 The Dalai Lama, rabbi Yosef, 369 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,224 Toby Keith. I see. 370 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,892 You have no faith, only business. 371 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,584 You know what your problem is, Jack? 372 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:57,230 You intellectualize everything with your big head. 373 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,522 Well, you have big boobs! 374 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,024 Which you'll never touch again! 375 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,235 This conversation has taken an unfortunate turn. 376 00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:03,796 Maybe this is god trying to tell me 377 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,113 that we do not belong together. 378 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,240 Maybe this is a sign. 379 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,951 Look, my driver just pulled up. That's a sign. 380 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,203 God wants us to leave here, get a good meal, 381 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,655 and go to town on each other. 382 00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,164 Ooh! 383 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:16,517 How dare you say something like that 384 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,085 so close to the statue of Santa Lucia, 385 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,212 the patron Saint of judgmental statues?! 386 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,173 Go to your stupid restaurant. 387 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,384 Eat your gold ice cream. Please come with me. 388 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,511 No. You blew it, Jack. 389 00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:33,933 And now you will never see the crazy underwears I have on! 390 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:38,062 Elisa! 391 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,816 What kind of god would let that happen? 392 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:49,198 Oh, Drew, finally. 393 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:49,907 Who's this? 394 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,076 This is Liz. This is our first date. 395 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,368 On Valentine's day? 396 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:54,954 Funny story. 397 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,457 He saw me on the toilet... Liz? 398 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:03,296 Dr. Baird, your mother's asked to speak to you... privately. 399 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,309 I'm sorry. 400 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,103 Is this, like, a sixth sense thing? 401 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:23,608 Should I bring a place setting for your friend? 402 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:37,830 Mom... who is that? 403 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:38,831 That's my friend Liz. 404 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,167 Hi, Mrs. Baird. 405 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,377 It's too soon, Andrew. 406 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,838 I know. We tried to take it slow... 407 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,925 Life! I have more I want to do. 408 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,927 Oh, right, you. Of course. 409 00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,571 I'm gonna grab her chart. I'll be right back. 410 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,595 Um... 411 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,268 Mandy, you look terrible. 412 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,479 Oh, no, I'm not Mandy. I'm Liz. 413 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:05,441 Mandy, you have to tell Drew something for me. 414 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,736 The woman he thinks is his sister 415 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,821 is really his mother. 416 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,574 What? I'm his grandmother. 417 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:19,330 You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven. 418 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:28,089 Thank you for a truly unbelievable evening. 419 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:32,635 It doesn't have to end here, y'allsies. 420 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,680 Wait. This isn't right. 421 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,723 Kenneth, why do you suddenly sound white? 422 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,767 I lied to you, Jennifer. 423 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,245 I was too scared to talk to you, 424 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,145 so my sophisticated friend Tracy 425 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,231 said the things that I couldn't. 426 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:46,774 I'm very, very sorry. 427 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,943 Well, if you could've talked to me, 428 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:49,860 what would you have said? 429 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:52,530 That you're the sweetest, prettiest, 430 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,865 blindest girl I've ever met. 431 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,867 And when I'm with you, my heart jumps 432 00:17:57,159 --> 00:18:00,663 like a frog on July asphalt, right before it dies. 433 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:06,127 You're so beautiful on the inside, Kenneth Parcell. 434 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,962 Can I feel your face? 435 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,254 Yeah. 436 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,304 Aw... 437 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,318 Oh, look at the time. 438 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,112 I forgot, I have a... a thing. 439 00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:35,781 That is cold, blind lady! 440 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,073 Oh, and by the way, 441 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,160 you're not so attractive yourself! 442 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,370 No, I'm... i'm pretty sure I'm hot. 443 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,164 Yes, you are. 444 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,456 I tried. 445 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,562 I'm so sorry. 446 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,814 Listen, thank you so much 447 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,691 for being so great during all this. 448 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,143 Let's do this again sometime. 449 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,071 Except have it not be anything like this at all. 450 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,405 Uh-huh. Yeah. 451 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,533 Good night. Good night. 452 00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,958 Uh, Liz, you know my mom did just die. 453 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:32,129 Funny story... hear me out. 454 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,216 I'll have a, uh... 455 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,843 A McFlurry, please. A McFlurry, please. 456 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:41,013 And I have a coupon. You know where I found it? 457 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,725 In the collection plate. It was a sign. 458 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,269 I followed it, and it brought us back together. 459 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:50,815 Now do you believe? I believe. 460 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:52,358 I believe that we were reunited 461 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,610 by the most successful capitalist enterprise 462 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:55,986 of the last hundred years, 463 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,948 despite the mclean deluxe, or the McEmu. 464 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,240 Whatever. 465 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,119 Someone's trying to tell us that we belong together. 466 00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,287 Maybe it's god. Maybe it's Ray Kroc. 467 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,873 Maybe it's the Hamburglar. 468 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,585 Happy Valentine's day, querida. 469 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:15,089 Happy Saint Valentine's day, mi amor. 470 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:28,060 ♪ ♪ 471 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,688 Boy, I hope that guy's not planning 472 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:31,981 to kill her and eat her. 473 00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:35,443 Jack, you're such a romantic.