1 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,131 Ms. Lemon, 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,650 here's the research you wanted for that white house skit. 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,092 Oh, okay, thanks. 4 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,136 You know it, lady Broseph! 5 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:14,972 What! 6 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:15,849 Those are your new interns. 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,434 Aren't they a little old, 8 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,810 and over-dressed? 9 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,580 They're all former investment bankers 10 00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:21,688 who were laid off 11 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,917 after that economic crash that Nancy pelosi caused. 12 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,776 They've had zero real-world skills, 13 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,068 but god, they work hard. 14 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,072 Gentlemen, 15 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,574 I need you to run out and pick up some flowers, 16 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,284 a collection of ba th soaps, 17 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:37,829 and some Spanish-language gossip magazines. 18 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,831 Soap and Spanish magazines? 19 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:43,293 What, are you expecting a visit from the, uh... um... 20 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,313 Oh, Lemon, don't start unless you've got something. 21 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,714 Okay. Elisa's grandmother's coming to visit. 22 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,342 I don't think she likes me. 23 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,012 I don't understand it. 24 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:54,888 Well, as long as Elisa likes you, 25 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,700 that's all that matters, right? Oh, no. 26 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:57,975 I need concepcion on board. 27 00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,627 She's the matriarch of this family. 28 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:00,352 And in Puerto Rico, 29 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,480 elderly women are held in very high esteem. 30 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,399 You should go there, Lemon. 31 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,693 They'd love you. 32 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,197 None of this is mine. 33 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:12,948 I live in 3-b, this is 13-b. 34 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,520 You know what, I'm gonna say it. 35 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,702 Women should not deliver the mail. 36 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,620 Dr. Andrew Baird? Do you know this guy? 37 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,912 I don't think so. 38 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:20,974 Well, he's a pediatrician, 39 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:22,038 so you know he likes kids. 40 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,667 Or feet. No, no, kids. 41 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,419 He has a bill from a divorce lawyer, 42 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,504 so you know he's single. 43 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,196 And he has a golf magazine, so you know he's not gay or poor. 44 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,382 Jenna, come on. 45 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,230 Now let's see what kind of movies he likes. 46 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,946 What are you doing? That's a federal offense. 47 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,513 And you already have two strikes. Shh. 48 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:37,889 I do not support this! 49 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:39,808 Muppets take Manhattan. 50 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,395 Caddyshack. 51 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,689 And a documentary about how pies are made. 52 00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,899 Hello, Dr. Baird. 53 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,319 Wasn't that a treat? 54 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,530 Only the special tours get to see Conan without his wig. 55 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,241 Mi programa esta empezando ahora. 56 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,784 Oh, I'm sorry. 57 00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,411 But her show's on now. 58 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,183 Do you think we could... uh, yes, yes. 59 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:06,543 Jonathan, would you come and help Mrs. Padriera? 60 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:07,854 I think your grandmother hates me. 61 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:08,878 I don't understand. 62 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,715 She's usually a very loving person. 63 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,342 Is it because I'm white? No. 64 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,260 I've had white boyfriends. 65 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,970 Black, Cuban... 66 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,514 Brazilian guys with German heritage... I get it. 67 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,886 You've been with other men. 68 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,851 Congratulations. Thank you. 69 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,311 What is she watching? 70 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,396 Los amantes clandestinos. 71 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,898 It's a Mexican telenovela. 72 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,316 But who is that? 73 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:30,877 That is El generalissimo. 74 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,861 He's the villain of los amantes. 75 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:33,612 Papa! 76 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,572 The name of the actor is Hector Moreda. 77 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,616 Dime donde estan los diamantes. 78 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:38,908 Nunca! 79 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,828 Dime. 80 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,290 He looks exactly like me. 81 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,713 He does look like you. 82 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:10,649 ♪ ♪ 83 00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,080 Dude, I have to meet you. I'm Brian. 84 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,415 What's up, Brian? 85 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,375 We love you. 86 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,019 "This honky grandma be trippin'" 87 00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,647 Hey, when I quote lines from your movie, 88 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:33,296 that's not racist, right? 89 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:34,840 Of course not. 90 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,132 I transcend race. 91 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,819 Hey, look, we're all going out after work, 92 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,003 and I know you like to party. 93 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,541 We'd be honored if you come with. 94 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,098 You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition at. 95 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,225 But yeah, I'm in. 96 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,121 We'll start off at McManus-McMinnigan's. 97 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,605 Have you ever drunk a yard of beer? 98 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,234 A yard, like a lawn? Yes, I have. 99 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,363 Tracy Jordan! 100 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,786 He has an ice cream maker? 101 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,580 Come on! 102 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,349 Don't be weird-looking, don't be weird-looking. 103 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,041 Ah, girl! 104 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,752 Oh, god! 105 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,589 Dr. Baird, there's someone at your door. 106 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,048 Oh, thanks, oswald. 107 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,468 Oswald was just helping me hang some pictures. 108 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,095 I live in the basement, so I have all the nails. 109 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,847 I'm Drew. 110 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:28,185 Sorry I smell like frosting. I just love to bake. 111 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,358 I want to go to there. 112 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,319 So will I see you before Saturday? 113 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,112 Jack, about this weekend... 114 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,864 I don't think you should come 115 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,783 to my cousin's police academy graduation, 116 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,785 or my other cousin's parole party 117 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,954 boy, I hope those two don't eventually have a showdown 118 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,998 that pits family against justice. 119 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,851 Hang on, you mean you don't want me to come? 120 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:52,875 It's not me. 121 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,003 Abuela thought it should just be family. 122 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,522 Is this about the generalissimo? 123 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,546 Jack. 124 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,966 As a child, my grandmother worked in a silver mine 125 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,718 without proper ventilation. 126 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,513 Now her mind is squishy like a hacky sack. 127 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,474 But no matter what, she's still my abuelita. 128 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,726 Even though sometimes she comes at me with a knife 129 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,890 because of a silver frenzy. 130 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,271 I'll call you tomorrow, okay? 131 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,024 Okay, good night, querida. 132 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,031 Generalissimo. 133 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,784 Look at Dr. Baird. 134 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,220 How did you get a picture of him? 135 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,830 I told him his haircut was exactly what I've been trying 136 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,873 to describe to my barber. 137 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,835 Yeah, smooth, I know. I'm way out of my league here. 138 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,407 Okay, don't get intimidated. You know he can't be perfect. 139 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:38,629 No, he might be. 140 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,215 I got some more of his mail. 141 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,633 And I opened it. 142 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,111 Uh-huh, yeah, I'm the worst. 143 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,738 It just proves that I don't deserve this guy. 144 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,389 He went to medical school at Columbia, 145 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,307 all kinds of charity Baloney. 146 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,142 He gets all of the movie channels, 147 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,686 including Starz. 148 00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,397 And he trains seeing eye dogs at home. 149 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,969 Oh, well, that's no good for you. 150 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,984 You're allergic to dogs. 151 00:05:59,276 --> 00:05:59,943 I guess I'll have to step in then. 152 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,361 Shut up. Just let me think! 153 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:02,654 Shh! 154 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,106 Please keep your voices down. 155 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,158 Mr. Jordan is a little hung over. 156 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,286 He pulled an uncle Harland Parcell last night. 157 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,871 Minus the wistful jug blowing. 158 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,581 I went out with the interns. 159 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,000 Those white boys are not kidding around. 160 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,377 Have you ever tasted scotch? 161 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:18,837 It's terrible! 162 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,673 And this thing they call "box seats at the rangers game," 163 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:22,965 it's so cold! 164 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,467 And what is Rohypnol? 165 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,428 Tracy, those are roofies! 166 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,698 So I shouldn't have taken two of them for my headache? 167 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,557 There he is! 168 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,642 Tonight, shooters at blockheads, lay a base, 169 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,370 at meet up with my bro-hams at the Cornell club? 170 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,604 Hey, you know it, bri-man! 171 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,896 A'ight! 172 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,275 I have no idea what either one of us just said. 173 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,847 He thinks you're going out again. 174 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,153 You gotta tell him you can't. 175 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:44,654 I have a rep to maintain. 176 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,490 If I can't keep up with a bunch of Wall Street frat boys... 177 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:51,578 Uh-oh, here come the roofies. 178 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,915 You can do whatever you want to me. 179 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,294 Uno, dos 180 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,257 You wanted to see me? 181 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,926 Lemon, this is Elisa. 182 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,469 What? Come on, you're a nurse? 183 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,137 Yeah, some of us are hot. 184 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,509 Lemon, we have a problem... 185 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,680 With him. 186 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,811 ♪ ♪ 187 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,581 Boy, that guys looks a lot like you. 188 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,606 Precisely 189 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,274 two hours a day, five days a week, 190 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,109 Hector Moreda and the generalissimo 191 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,612 are poisoning Elisa's grandmother against me. 192 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,822 Oh, he just blew up that kid! 193 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,491 Elisa and I have enough obstacles. 194 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,450 Our work schedules, our cultures, 195 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,411 her adorably broken English. 196 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,288 Metrocards are a real thing, Jack. 197 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,290 You use them on the subway. 198 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,085 Anyway, this morning, telemundo, 199 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,897 which is owned by Sheinhardt-universal, 200 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,463 purchased los amantes, uh... 201 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:44,755 Clandestinos. 202 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,008 And now, I own it. 203 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,300 Isn't that romantic? 204 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,221 Now, all I have to do is kill off the generalissimo, 205 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,682 and clear a path to Elisa's abuela. 206 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,910 Lemon, the director needs a script by this afternoon, 207 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,662 and Elisa here will help you with the Spanish. 208 00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,829 No, no, no, don't drag me into this. 209 00:07:58,853 --> 00:07:59,853 I have my own problems. 210 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,543 And I've never even watched that show. 211 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,401 All you need to know is that El generalissimo 212 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,236 is pure evil, look at him. 213 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:09,823 He stole that girl's love letters and opened them. 214 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,408 Opened her mail? 215 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,160 That is just shocking. He's a monster. 216 00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,496 Or he has a really good reason to do it. 217 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,623 Oh, no, his only reason 218 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,876 was to trick her into giving up her honor to him. 219 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,588 Uh-huh, and how did he use her mail to do that, exactly? 220 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,216 He read her most intimate secrets, 221 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,219 and turned himself into that which she desired. 222 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,847 What she loved, he pretended to love too, 223 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,640 until it was too late. 224 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,480 Huh. 225 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,859 My dog ran away! 226 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,610 Oh, my god. Let me get my coat. 227 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,286 Buster. Buster! 228 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,680 If see the dog, give us a shout. Come here, boy! 229 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,247 Thank you. Buster! 230 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,752 The funny thing is this is what I love about him. 231 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:10,216 Don't worry, Liz. We're gonna find him. 232 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,677 If we don't, I don't think 233 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,596 I could ever be around dogs again. 234 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,431 Oh. 235 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,783 You know, I'm actually on the board 236 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,560 of the pediatric restless leg syndrome association. 237 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:24,439 Oh, I forgot I even had this on. I have so many charity t-shirts. 238 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,733 We have so much in common. 239 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,235 Well, buster's probably dead. 240 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,005 Do you want to go to the wine bar around the corner, 241 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,669 deal with these emotions, get some dinner? 242 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,450 Uh, I would love to, Liz, I really would. 243 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,412 But, I just got divorced not that long ago. 244 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,557 I'm really not ready for this kind of thing just yet. 245 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,667 Plus, I have not given up on that dog. 246 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,252 He's a fighter. 247 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,754 Buster! 248 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,465 Yeah, buster! 249 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,801 Shoot it, dog! 250 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,260 I'm going to! 251 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,762 I'm Tracy Jordan. 252 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,348 Why would I be afraid of fire next to my mouth? 253 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,700 Drink, drink, drink! 254 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:06,731 ♪ ♪ 255 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,191 Is she watching? 256 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,526 Yes. 257 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,655 I told her it was a very special episode. 258 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,492 Good-bye, general. 259 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,706 Esto es por mi padre! 260 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:26,626 Ha! 261 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:27,544 Fallaste! 262 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,796 Wait, wait, wait. What did he just say? 263 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:30,547 That wasn't in the script. 264 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,549 He said "you missed." 265 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,802 Fallaste otra vez! 266 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,220 He said "you missed again." 267 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:38,555 Y ahora, esta pocion 268 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,266 me dejara vivir por siempre! 269 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,435 "And now, this potion's gonna make me live forever." 270 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,727 What's happening, Jack? 271 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,480 El generalissimo 272 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:48,772 was supposed to die! 273 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,505 Moreda has gone broken arrow. Jonathan! 274 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,672 We really should have had somebody on the set 275 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,365 who speaks Spanish. 276 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,909 I'll call you back. 277 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,373 Moreda. 278 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,504 Moreda! 279 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:22,515 Welcome, Jack. Cigar, Brandy? 280 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:23,807 What happened, Hector? 281 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,351 The general was supposed to die. 282 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,728 Ay. 283 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,480 Do not try to out-generalissimo me, my friend. 284 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,692 This role has made me rich, famous and respected. 285 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,944 I get to cut the line at Disneyland, 286 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,238 if I come mid-week. 287 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,890 I have a lucrative endorsement deal 288 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:39,574 with Sabor de Soledad! 289 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:42,744 Ahora con mas semen del toro. 290 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,330 I am not going to let you take all that away from me. 291 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,974 I know where you came from, Hector. 292 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,417 Play ball, or you'll be back doing r-rated hypnotism 293 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,645 at the bull fights so fast, you won't know what hit you. 294 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,380 You come over here and say that to my face. 295 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,858 No, you come over here. Nunca! 296 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,717 If you refuse to be reasonable, 297 00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,385 I must call the presidente 298 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,846 of telemundo. 299 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,350 La oficina de Jack Donaghy 300 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,893 hola? 301 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,978 Well-played, Jack. 302 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,276 I see that we are not so different, you and I. 303 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,571 We laugh alike. We think alike. 304 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:19,489 At times, we even drink alike. 305 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,200 You can lose your mind. 306 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,788 Look, you should know, I'm doing this for a woman. 307 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,458 This woman. 308 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,253 Wow, I am super gay, 309 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,128 and I would totally switch for her. 310 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,547 She's amazing. 311 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:37,983 But her grandmother hates me, 312 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,407 because she hates the generalissimo, 313 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,509 so he's gotta go. 314 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,554 El generalissimo does not have to die 315 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:44,430 to clear the way to the abuela. 316 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,308 Not if the abuela comes to love him. 317 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,643 But that's impossible. 318 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:52,647 Seduction is never impossible for El generalissimo. 319 00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:57,694 I will become everything that old hispanic women desire. 320 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,570 I will make her love me. 321 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,614 You really think you can pull that off? 322 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,783 It will be the performance of a lifetime. 323 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,786 Like Julie Harris in the belle of Amherst. 324 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,913 Wow, you are surprisingly gay. 325 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,249 Okay, so? 326 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,084 So did you ever find buster? 327 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,544 What did you not understand? 328 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,196 That picture is from a dog food ad. 329 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,422 Hi. 330 00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,424 Hi, Lemon. Here's today's script. 331 00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:23,553 I translated it, and took out the star wars references. 332 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,930 Are you an actress? No, I'm a nurse. 333 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,557 Oh, good. 334 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,076 Don't listen to anyone who says 335 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,119 you should become an actress. 336 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,143 Okay. 337 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,521 Uh, I also cut the scene 338 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,040 between the general and Tia Maria. 339 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,065 They cannot be together. 340 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,026 Not after what he did to Maria's daughter. 341 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,318 Why? What did he do? 342 00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,612 Oh, it was despicable. 343 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,490 Even worse than his misuse of the mails. 344 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,368 The generalissimo tricked her to the villa 345 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,912 by inviting her to a fancy party 346 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:53,249 but when she got there, it was just the two of them. 347 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,794 He drugged her champagne, and had his way with her. 348 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,713 Later, she gave birth to the devil. 349 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,005 You know, sweeps week. 350 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,300 That's what I could do to Drew. 351 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:03,592 Drug him? 352 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,676 Liz, no. 353 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,946 Having been on both sides of that, 354 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,156 I could tell you it's not a good idea. 355 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,307 No, I'm going to tell Drew 356 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,285 that I'm having a little "welcome to the building" party 357 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,977 for him, but there is no party. 358 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,854 And then, when he shows up, 359 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,315 I'll laugh and say "oh, it's the wrong night." 360 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,816 And then he'll laugh, and say 361 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,508 "oh, well, one glass couldn't hurt." 362 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,171 And then I will put my mouth on his mouth. 363 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,863 No, Lemon, do not do this. 364 00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,990 The trickery, the deceit is a slippery slope. 365 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,784 Yeah, but you haven't seen Dr. Baird. 366 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,535 He looks like a cartoon pilot. 367 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,496 Be very careful. 368 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,249 El generalissimo was once a good man. 369 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,852 But the years of loneliness drove him insane. 370 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:41,047 I am not the generalissimo, Elisa. 371 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,175 Mr. Jordan, 372 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,627 I called my uncle Harland, and I got his hangover cure. 373 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,931 "Mix two cups boiled possum meat 374 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,225 with one messload ragweed, stir in alcohol..." 375 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,517 Ken. 376 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,436 These interns are wearing me out. 377 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,187 It's like I said 378 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,232 in my not-hit comedy cruise boa t, 379 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:02,110 "I'm gettin' too old for this ship." 380 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,682 Well, you are getting older, sir. 381 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:04,487 There's no reason you have to keep 382 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,446 acting like you're 20. 383 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,490 Yes, there is. 384 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,942 Do you know what happens to a comedian when he gets old 385 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,661 and loses his audience? 386 00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,288 He starts to get offered serious roles. 387 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,041 And do you really want to see me play Arthur Ashe? 388 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,168 No, that would be terrible. 389 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,129 You leave him alone! Exactly 390 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,590 so if I'm gonna keep my hilarious reputation, 391 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,926 these interns gotta go! But where? 392 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,178 They don't know how to do anything, 393 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,864 and there are no jobs left on Wall Street. 394 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:34,475 Then I'll find something for them to do. 395 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:37,562 Drew. 396 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,106 Oh, uh, am I the first one here? 397 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,774 What? 398 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,003 No, the party's tomorrow night. 399 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,280 Tonight, I'm just hanging out, 400 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:48,632 eating fondue by candlelight. 401 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,032 But come in, I was just 402 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,884 opening a bottle of wine to drink alone. 403 00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:55,621 Okay, I guess one glass couldn't hurt. 404 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,331 I found your dog! What? 405 00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,666 He lost his collar, 406 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,352 but I recognize him from the poster. 407 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,086 That's not possible. 408 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,522 Of course it's possible. 409 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,466 How could he not want to come back to this beautiful lady? 410 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,009 My dog is back! 411 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,469 I'll open the wine. 412 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,429 Just put him down. 413 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,087 Oh, muy Dulce. 414 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,216 Si, si, si. 415 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,360 Oh, you need more. 416 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:19,288 ♪ ♪ 417 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,138 Buster, you wang! 418 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,641 Let's get you back in your special kitchen cabinet. 419 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,602 Man, that dog is giving me a headache. 420 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,175 I have some aspirin in my white bag there if you need any. 421 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,238 Everything okay in there? 422 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,365 Yeah, it's okay, he's just playing along. 423 00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,657 Ow! 424 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,741 Or he bites me. 425 00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,205 Alone at last. 426 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,167 Are you okay? 427 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,754 Yeah, I'm, uh... 428 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:13,718 You've been roofied! 429 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,637 You did what? 430 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:17,969 No, no, not me. The pills! 431 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,724 Is this my mail? 432 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,496 Okay, no, you're not thinking clearly. 433 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,936 Why is it all open? 434 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,523 That's not your dog. 435 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,442 I can explain. Just relax. 436 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:32,320 Help! 437 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,280 I am the generalissimo! 438 00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,657 I don't know what that means. 439 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,245 Abuela made you breaded calf's brains. 440 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,331 Muchas gracias. 441 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,960 She really liked the changes you made 442 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,129 in los amantes clandestinos. 443 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:55,986 She's very proud that I am dating 444 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,637 such an important television man. 445 00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:58,971 Oh, well... 446 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,223 Mwah, mwah! 447 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,934 What are you going to do about the NBC news? 448 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:05,561 It's too sad. 449 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,858 I'll look into it, uh, abuela. 450 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,322 Hi, Liz. 451 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,823 Oh, hey. 452 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,242 Again, I am so sorry about everything... 453 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,911 I actually got some of your mail. 454 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,081 Oh, okay. Hope you didn't open it. I did. 455 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,458 Monty python: Live at the Hollywood bowl. 456 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,377 Classic. 457 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,349 Membership in the cheese of the month club, 458 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,047 and the steak of the month club, 459 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,632 and a copy of vegetarian times. 460 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,093 I'm a flip-flopper. 461 00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:39,385 Also a response to your complaint about bad grammar 462 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,470 in subway ads. 463 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,390 The word "whom" deserves a defender. 464 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:46,102 I'm just saying that based on your mail, 465 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,794 I actually would have wanted to meet 466 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,146 this Elizabeth Lemon in 3-b. 467 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,857 Really? 468 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,734 Do you want to try this again? 469 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,946 I know that I lied to you, and I accidentally roofied you, 470 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,864 but weirder things have happened, right? 471 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,326 Isn't that Tracy Jordan? 472 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,996 The lehman brothers investment bank will reopen 473 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,557 under the direction of comedian Tracy Jordan. 474 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,835 I'm doing this so no one will know I'm getting old. 475 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,479 But you just told us you're old. 476 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,714 This interview is over. 477 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,650 Yeah, I guess weirder things have happened. 478 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,114 And now to lighten things up, 479 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,817 some pictures of beautiful la tin babies, 480 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,596 and the music of tito puente. 481 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,682 Jack, this is ridiculous. 482 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,271 Okay, it's a date. 483 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,398 Okay.