1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,213
Liz, did you hear?
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,006
Yeah, is your brother
gonna be okay?
3
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:07,299
Oh, no, not that.
4
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,092
A new movie
5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,512
about Janis joplin is
going into production.
6
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,306
And Sheinhardt-universal
is making it.
7
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:16,475
I know Jack can
get me an audition.
8
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,644
So I'm gonna
storm into his office
9
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:19,978
in character.
10
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,270
Yay!
11
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,358
Oh, Liz, I knew you'd
be happy for me.
12
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,984
Somebody's sleepy.
13
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861
I am sleepy.
14
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,072
But I'm also so excited.
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,574
Hey, Max, is this
your baby sister?
16
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,911
Oh, what a cute little girl.
17
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:39,081
Or boy if you grow up and
feel that's what's inside you.
18
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,418
OMG, Liz.
19
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,470
Look at you and me
and our biological clocks.
20
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,005
You're going baby crazy
21
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,258
and I keep getting
turned on by car accidents.
22
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,468
I'm not baby crazy, Jenna.
23
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,970
This whole adoption thing
24
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,222
is just taking a lot
longer than I thought.
25
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:56,874
Where did you
get that little shoe?
26
00:00:56,974 --> 00:01:00,602
It isn't stealing if it
fell on the ground.
27
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,858
So, uh, that's the tour, Elisa.
28
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,902
I think you'll find being
my mother's nurse
29
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,320
a mixed bag.
30
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,281
When she's in a foul mood,
31
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,824
in can be horribly unpleasant.
32
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,535
But at other times,
she is... asleep.
33
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,996
I understand. Elder
care can be stressful.
34
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,415
Uh, especially when
the object of that care
35
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:25,210
wanders around at night in
depression-era petty pants.
36
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,754
You should've seen my
grandmother in her later years.
37
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:29,274
Do you know what kind of clothes
38
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:30,817
old puerto rican ladies
wear around the house?
39
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:31,466
No.
40
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,385
Me neither 'cause
she never wore any.
41
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,345
But family is family.
42
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,055
And you're a good son.
43
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,308
Well, I do what I
can for my mother.
44
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,227
Jack, somebody's
gotta dry me off.
45
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:45,856
He just left, Mrs. Donaghy.
46
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,483
I'm coming to help you.
47
00:01:53,697 --> 00:02:01,697
♪ ♪
48
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,467
Tracy, your friends and I
are concerned about you.
49
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,445
We think your spending
has gotten out of control.
50
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,429
Give me an example.
51
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:18,847
Well, you bought three hours
52
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,392
of network primetime for
your salute to Benny hill.
53
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:30,067
♪ ♪
54
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,402
Jack, you don't get it.
55
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:33,838
I don't want to spend so much.
56
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,405
I have to.
57
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,157
I'm afraid Angie will divorce me
58
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,529
if I ever have enough money
59
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,993
for her to live off of half.
60
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,037
So before she can get it,
61
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,889
I have to spend it
all on useless things
62
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:44,790
like gold shoes
63
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,584
and Grizz and Dotcom.
64
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,796
Well, she's not gonna
get half your money, Tracy.
65
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:50,545
What does your pre-nup say?
66
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,130
I don't got a pre-nup!
67
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,582
When Angie and I got married,
68
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,259
my only assets
were a toaster oven
69
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,387
and two tickets to
a young mc concert.
70
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,764
You need to be protected.
Let's bring Angie in here.
71
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,016
We'll think of something.
A post-nup, if you will.
72
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,986
Something that will
bring you peace of mind.
73
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,311
Okay.
74
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,230
I'll bring Angie in.
75
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:12,401
But I'm gonna tell
her this is all your idea.
76
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:16,612
Don't help me.
77
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,907
I'm too proud.
78
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,248
Hi!
79
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,375
Oh, wow!
80
00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,253
Hiya, bunny!
81
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,046
Uh, excuse me.
82
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,506
Hello, there.
83
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,258
Did you just touch my head?
84
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,801
Well...
85
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,345
I had to do something
to get your attention.
86
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,139
Okay, you've got it.
87
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,391
Yeah, I do.
88
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:45,683
I like your tie.
89
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,811
And I like aggressive
women with a nerdy vibe.
90
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,439
How about we grab some
coffee and explore this?
91
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,107
Yeah.
92
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,193
What?
93
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,113
Howdy, Jack!
94
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,282
It's me, Janis joplin!
95
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,452
And I want to audition for
my Sheinhardt-universal
96
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:07,497
biopic so bad that I
came here dressed as me.
97
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,834
Actually, I am me
98
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,502
so, well, I dressed normal.
99
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,171
But my friend,
100
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,006
Jenna Moroney,
101
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:19,176
she should be my understudy.
102
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,845
I mean, she should
audition for me.
103
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,514
But I'm me now actually.
104
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,808
Ongoing train wreck aside,
105
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:27,809
I love this idea.
106
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:28,769
It's great synergy.
107
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,060
Yeah.
108
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,622
By putting a TV actress
into the movie world
109
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,355
we can promote both.
110
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,441
It's like we're
including a heroes DVD
111
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,778
with missile guidance
system we sell.
112
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:38,779
I'll call the studio. Yes!
113
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:43,366
I'm so glad that I
time-traveled here from 1969.
114
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,828
Whoa, what is that iron bird?
115
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,306
They had airplanes
in the '60s, Jenna.
116
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,330
Oh, right.
117
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,545
Boy, I feel like I've just
been talking nonstop.
118
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,544
No, you also ate quite a bit.
119
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,214
It's my fault for wanting
to hear all about your job.
120
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:58,816
It's just so much more
interesting than the U.N.
121
00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,840
Oh, come on, really?
122
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:02,219
You got all the different
languages and the costumes.
123
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:03,762
And that big meeting room.
124
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,854
It must be like working
in the galactic senate
125
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:06,723
in star wars.
126
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,015
They are similar.
127
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,393
We are also very concerned
about the growing influence
128
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:11,685
of the sith lords.
129
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:16,316
Wow.
130
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,368
Are you free for dinner
some night this week?
131
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,113
Yeah, sure, I'd love
it. Sounds great.
132
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,328
Who was that?
133
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,788
A guy that I met.
134
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,373
Is this part of your
mommy thing?
135
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,251
Only in so far as we met
because I touched his head
136
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,543
thinking he was a child.
137
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,295
Oh, Liz.
138
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:38,213
I like him. He's smart.
139
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,798
He's funny. He's got a job.
140
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,216
Yay! But you know what?
141
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,092
I'm gonna screw this up.
142
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,104
I always find a way to
screw good things up,
143
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,512
and this one is a mine field.
144
00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:47,657
Did I mention that we met
because I thought he was a baby?
145
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,265
He doesn't have to know that.
146
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,141
He can't know that.
147
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,744
But what if I say
something stupid
148
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:55,355
like order a tall coffee or
talk about my Nintendo Wii?
149
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,190
Liz, you like this guy.
150
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,066
You're a grown woman.
151
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,778
Take a lesson from Janis
and show some self-control.
152
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905
How far into that
biography are you?
153
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,657
Not very.
154
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:06,949
Why? What happens?
155
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,159
So let me get this straight.
156
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,953
If I sign this
157
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,565
and then Tracy
decides to run away
158
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,290
with that chunky
chick from hairspray...
159
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,418
Or any female of
equivalent thickness.
160
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,753
Then I get $8,500?
161
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,630
That's correct.
162
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,466
Ugh.
163
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:24,885
What do I care?
164
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,345
I'll sign your stupid contract.
165
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,957
Never gonna leave
this man anyway.
166
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:29,848
You're not?
167
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,140
Baby.
168
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,101
I'm gonna be with
you to the very end.
169
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,605
I'm gonna watch
you die, Tracy Jordan.
170
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,066
She's done it before, Jack.
171
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,358
Forget it!
172
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,277
I know you're not
gonna leave me.
173
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,530
I got somebody who's
gonna watch me die!
174
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,365
Tracy, let's not get emotional.
175
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:52,912
This is happening, Jack.
176
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,497
You could stay
or you could leave,
177
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:55,498
but it's gonna take a while.
178
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,167
Oh, yeah!
179
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,837
Oh!
180
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,339
Uh, Liz, Jenna got the lead
181
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,425
in the Janis joplin biopic
that I'm co-producing.
182
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,111
And I want her to
open the next show
183
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,303
with a song from the movie.
184
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,262
Aw, come on, Jack.
185
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,741
You can't fight synergy,
Lemon. It's bigger than all of us.
186
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,266
Nice dress. Are
you going to dinner?
187
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,558
Don't forget your book.
188
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,019
I'll have you know
189
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,146
that I'm having
dinner with a man.
190
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,438
Oh.
191
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,273
So Stuart, what is it like
192
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,565
living under a bridge?
193
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:22,984
Kenneth!
194
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:23,818
Hey, Liz.
195
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,630
I was just telling him
about my new apartment
196
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,654
in williamsburg...
197
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:27,572
Under the bridge.
198
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,365
Oh.
199
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,657
The U.N.?
200
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:30,283
They still have that?
201
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:31,844
I could've sworn they
turned that building
202
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:32,494
into a Barnes and noble.
203
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,786
Like you guys
204
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,431
in corporate america
are doing any better?
205
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,164
Have you learned how to say
206
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,375
"do you want fries
with that" in Chinese?
207
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,001
Ha!
208
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,378
Jack Donaghy,
209
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,870
senior VP for television and
microwave oven programming.
210
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,799
Stuart lagrange,
U.N. high commission
211
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,491
on water temperature
and food taint.
212
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,717
Hmm.
213
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,470
And how did you and Lemon meet?
214
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,055
Uh, Liz here
215
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,987
just saw me on the
street and went for it.
216
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:54,933
Lemon did that?
217
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,310
Yeah. You know me.
218
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,562
Spend my lunch hour walking
up and down 6th Avenue
219
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,231
looking for a hot meal.
220
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:02,523
Okay.
221
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,733
Classic Lemon man-eater.
222
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,735
Cat sound.
223
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,404
Well, nice to meet you, Jack.
224
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,696
Yeah.
225
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,699
There he is!
226
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:12,909
I owe you, Jackie D.
227
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,995
When I'm on my death
bed, frenching my wife,
228
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,286
I will think of you.
229
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,789
Please don't.
230
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,667
No, no. Not again.
231
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,168
This is real, people!
232
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,502
This is not a drill!
233
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,088
Let's go!
234
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,380
Yeah!
235
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:27,048
Tracy, my back!
236
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,300
Ooh, baby, hurt my back.
237
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,927
Yeah! Oh!
238
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,219
Oh, yeah!
239
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:35,765
I just want you all to know
240
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,493
as I prepare to
venture into moviedom,
241
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,310
that an actor is only
as good as the words...
242
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,602
Oh, my thing is on.
243
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:41,789
Everyone shut up.
Shut your mouths.
244
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:42,813
Breaking news now
245
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,483
about a new Janis joplin biopic.
246
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,111
Julia Roberts has agreed
to play the tragic singer...
247
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,403
What?
248
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,881
In a film directed
by Martin Scorsese
249
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,033
and written by the best
screenwriter in the world,
250
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:54,324
whoever that is.
251
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,607
The announcement is a huge blow
252
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,162
to a competing project
253
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,122
from Jenna Moroney
and Steven Spielberger.
254
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,833
That's right. Spielberger.
255
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,085
Here's Moroney on a windy day.
256
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,377
Oh! Ugh!
257
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,963
Don't turn it off, Ms. Moroney.
258
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:07,964
They haven't shown
that good news
259
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,296
you were telling us about.
260
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,553
'Cause that all seemed
like really bad news.
261
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,512
It's 7:00.
262
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,275
Why don't I hear my
mother yelling "go home"
263
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,267
to the Asian
contestant on jeopardy?
264
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,559
'Cause she's asleep.
265
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,811
Really?
266
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,103
How did you do that?
267
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,271
She fought me at first,
268
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,733
but I find that
authoritative rapid Spanish
269
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,025
subdues white people.
270
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,278
Well, I'm heading
out for the evening.
271
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,113
Oh, I forgot.
272
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:36,284
Somebody dropped
that off for you earlier.
273
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,329
Oh, good god.
274
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,621
Ugh.
275
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,289
Oh, gold shoes.
276
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,999
My nephew just
joined the marines
277
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,331
to try to pay for college,
278
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,835
but that's fun.
279
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,447
No, no, they're
from Tracy Jordan.
280
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,964
I tried to get him and
his wife to sign a pre-nup,
281
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,317
but all that led to were pledges
282
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,051
of everlasting
love and devotion.
283
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,343
It was ridiculous.
284
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,221
What's ridiculous about love?
285
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,223
Well, the idea of
depending on one person
286
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,034
for the rest of your
live is irrational.
287
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,458
You come in alone,
you go out alone.
288
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,186
That's the saddest
thing I ever heard.
289
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,278
There's nothing sad
about it at all, actually.
290
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:06,563
I have a great life.
291
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,606
Tonight I'm going out
292
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,932
with a fox news correspondent.
293
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,711
We'll have some dinner,
some laughs, some sex.
294
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,320
Not necessarily in that order.
295
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,052
But I'm not counting on spending
the rest of my life with her.
296
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:15,865
So what's your plan?
297
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,784
Get old, die alone
298
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,553
in an empty room
with your gold shoes?
299
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,246
That's what happens
to most of us.
300
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,205
At least I'm prepared.
301
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,207
Without getting into specifics,
302
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:25,499
my exit involves
303
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,210
a McFlurry machine
and a video tape
304
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,771
of risque commercials
from overseas.
305
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,515
Well, I don't even
know what to say to that.
306
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,340
Except that in Puerto Rico,
307
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:36,177
a McFlurry, it's
called a senor flurry
308
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,347
this guy makes badhushas.
309
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,658
They're like an Indian donut.
310
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:41,682
They're amazing.
311
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,980
Careful, buddy, it's hot!
312
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,274
Are you trying to pick me up
313
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,234
to keep me from touching fire?
314
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:52,526
Kiss me.
315
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,319
Wait a minute.
316
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,156
When you first met me,
did you think I was a child?
317
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,447
Yes, I did, sir.
318
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,325
Unbelievable.
319
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,257
I knew I should've
listened to my friends.
320
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,931
Kofi said you were
too good to be true.
321
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,204
Na ah
322
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,212
told me to wait three
days before I called you.
323
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,416
And yet here we are.
324
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,664
Was anything even going to
happen between us tonight?
325
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,462
No.
326
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:12,380
But not because of your size.
327
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,352
It's because I have a
thing about intimacy.
328
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,110
I'm the weird one.
I'm weirder than you.
329
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,134
How am I weird?
330
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,761
You're not. That came out wrong.
331
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:21,431
You came out wrong.
332
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,934
Oh, and I lied about your show.
333
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,271
I have seen it.
334
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,941
Be careful crossing the...
335
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,111
The lady will be
having the tasting menu
336
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,946
but with some substitutions.
337
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,573
Instead of any of it,
338
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,117
she'll have a cup of hot
water with a chicken bone in it
339
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,078
and a bowl of salted ice cubes.
340
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:02,805
A towel, sir?
341
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,226
I have something on my ball.
342
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,978
Mint?
343
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,406
Good morning.
344
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,367
Morning, everyone.
345
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,285
Are you all right?
346
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,119
You look very pale.
347
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,537
I'm fine.
348
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,309
I had a good hour
of sleep last night,
349
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:28,998
took a few showers.
350
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,460
There anything you
want to talk about?
351
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,752
I am a nurse.
352
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,296
It's nothing.
353
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,588
It's embarrassing.
354
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:40,218
More embarrassing
than your cd collection?
355
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,350
I didn't know Michael
buble had so many albums.
356
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,847
If you must know,
357
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,224
I found a lump.
358
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,184
On your testicle?
359
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,476
Let me see it.
360
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,020
No, thank you.
361
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,592
I think I have it under control.
362
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,442
What?
363
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,361
You're talking so fast.
364
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,863
Is that the subjunctive?
365
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,633
How did you do that?
366
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,076
I told you I was a professional.
367
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:09,038
And you forgot to put
on your underpants.
368
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,542
So, uh, any big
plans for your day off?
369
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,753
I'm going to prospect park.
370
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,006
It's my goddaughter's
quincenera.
371
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,301
Oh, it's kind of like
a debutante... ball.
372
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:22,885
You did that on purpose.
373
00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,178
I did.
374
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,432
Well, there is something there.
375
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,183
Could be a number of things.
376
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,115
You should get it
checked out by a doctor.
377
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,062
Thank you for telling
me what I already know.
378
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,023
You should work for
the huffington post.
379
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,441
I'm sorry.
380
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,068
I'm sure you have friends
or family you can call.
381
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,360
I'm fine.
382
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,528
Oh, please.
383
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,365
Don't try to be
senor macho solo.
384
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,427
Which is actually what
we call a McRib sandwich.
385
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,451
I'm fine.
386
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,954
I'm handling this...
387
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,165
All alone.
388
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,419
Jack, what are we doing
389
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:57,951
about this Julia Roberts movie?
390
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,088
Aren't people over her?
391
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,380
I mean, come on!
392
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,758
Jenna, you're single like me.
393
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,053
Do you think we need
some mythical soul mate
394
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,530
to hold our hand through life?
395
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,263
Why, do you want to get married?
396
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:08,264
I'll do it?
397
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,556
What? What?
398
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:11,392
Uh, no. Uh, never mind.
399
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,061
The movie's gonna work out fine.
400
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,247
We're very close to securing
Janis joplin's life rights.
401
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,271
Close?
402
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,042
I'm supposed to sing one
of her songs Friday night.
403
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,335
Do we at least have
the music rights?
404
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,902
Uh, yes and no, Jenna.
405
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,194
Yes, I'm talking.
406
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,404
No, we do not have the music.
407
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,448
But I'm on it. It's
all gonna be fine.
408
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:29,911
Hello.
409
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,203
Stuart, it's me.
410
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,039
Uh...
411
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,350
Look, Liz, I'm really
busy right now.
412
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,793
I just wanted to apologize
for the other night.
413
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,604
But I didn't get a
chance to explain myself.
414
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,048
I'm... kind of baby crazy
415
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,340
of late.
416
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,134
Socially inept and baby crazy.
417
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,570
I feel like I'm in a
beer commercial.
418
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,262
Yeah, I get it. I'm
a piece of work.
419
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,098
But I really like you.
420
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,710
And if you gave
me another chance,
421
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,101
maybe this could be something.
422
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,936
Liz, at this point in my life,
423
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,979
maybe just isn't good enough.
424
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,107
Okay, here's a thought.
425
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,751
Did you see the
sex in the city movie?
426
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,360
Once again, Liz, I
am an adult man.
427
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,737
Okay, well Miranda and
Steve were having issues
428
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:05,738
because Steve cheated...
429
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,990
Oh, so bored.
430
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,882
The point is they
decided to take a break
431
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,554
and then meet up
at the Brooklyn bridge
432
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,996
at such and such a time if
they wanted to stay together.
433
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,957
Ma ybe we could
do the same thing.
434
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,167
Brooklyn bridge, this
Saturday, 2:00 P.M.
435
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,044
Okay.
436
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,754
But for whatever reason,
437
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,006
if I don't see you there,
438
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,298
take care, Liz Lemon.
439
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,175
You too.
440
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:27,547
Oh, and can you transfer me
441
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,113
to the Italian
ambassador's office?
442
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,490
Because I lika to maka
da prank phone call.
443
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,100
Please hold.
444
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:43,818
♪ ♪
445
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:44,360
♪ hey, Macarena ♪
446
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:46,863
♪ all right ♪
447
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,198
Jack.
448
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,200
What are you doing here?
449
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,870
I wanted to come by and
thank you for all your help.
450
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,514
I wasn't sure what
you were serving,
451
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,373
so I brought a '65 Moet
452
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,000
and some pizza-blasted pringles.
453
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,751
That was very thoughtful.
454
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,753
I'm sorry if I was
rude the other day.
455
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,380
Oh, you were not being rude.
456
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,923
You were just being stupid.
457
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,300
Did you go to the doctor?
458
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,051
I had a biopsy,
459
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,623
and I'm waiting for the results.
460
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,721
So I'm handling it.
461
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:12,680
Good. I'm glad.
462
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,056
Excellent.
463
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,348
So, uh, here you go.
464
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,561
Thank you.
465
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,188
Jack, would you like to stay?
466
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,814
Oh, I don't want to impose.
467
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,232
Oh, come on.
468
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,526
Oh, thank you. Okay.
469
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,487
Oh, thank you so much.
470
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,173
All of these people
are your family?
471
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,531
Why are they smiling so much?
472
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,283
Who's being ostracized?
473
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,076
Everybody, this
is my friend Jack.
474
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,546
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
475
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,840
♪ all right ♪ ♪
476
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:49,841
Hey.
477
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,761
I need to ask your
advice about Stuart.
478
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,931
We decided to do this whole
meet me at the Brooklyn bridge
479
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,408
if we still want to
be together thing
480
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,016
from the sex in the city movie.
481
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,101
They do that a lot in movies.
482
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,102
An affair to remember,
483
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,646
sleepless in Seattle,
484
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:04,232
and that remake of
an affair to remember
485
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,901
that I was in, a
blaffair to rememblack.
486
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,986
I just don't know what to do.
487
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,030
Here's what you don't do.
488
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,031
Be alone.
489
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,242
We were never meant
to be alone, Lemon.
490
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,827
Surround yourself
with people and love
491
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,996
and babies with pierced ears.
492
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,288
What is wrong with you?
493
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,538
I've had a crazy 48 hours.
494
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,126
It all started when I
realized I'm probably dying.
495
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,687
You see, I have this
thing on my testicle.
496
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,046
Ew, my god. No, no, it's okay.
497
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,965
Whatever happens, it's okay.
498
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,400
I don't want to die alone
and now I don't have to
499
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,927
because...
500
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,471
I'm in love with
my mother's nurse.
501
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:36,347
Wow.
502
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,474
Now you have what
me and Angie have,
503
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,101
minus the hypertension.
504
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,520
Jack, slow down. Have
you been to a doctor?
505
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,372
I'm waiting for the
results of a biopsy.
506
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,064
We went to this picnic.
507
00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:46,756
Lemon, have you
ever had a piragua?
508
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,901
It's exactly like a snow cone
509
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,611
except they call it a piragua.
510
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,448
It's my doctor's office.
511
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,449
You take it.
512
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,327
No, Jack.
513
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:01,122
I'll do it.
514
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,123
Hello?
515
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,624
Yes.
516
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,376
Okay.
517
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,545
Thank you.
518
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,172
The test was positive.
519
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:11,173
No, no, no, no...
520
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,759
I mean positive like it's good.
521
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:16,846
The test results were negative.
522
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,931
Oh, I see your confusion.
523
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,308
That is funny!
524
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,021
Okay. Funny!
525
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,524
Jack thought the test
results was positive!
526
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,109
♪ Supersonic idiotic ♪
527
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,601
♪ disconnected not respected ♪
528
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,361
♪ who would ever really want ♪
529
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,362
♪ to go and top that ♪
530
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,656
♪ top that ♪ ♪
531
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,074
Thank you.
532
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,566
That was the rap song top that
533
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,783
from the movie teen witch.
534
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:43,080
Once again, I apologize that
our regular warm-up comic
535
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:44,683
o.d'ed at a gay man's
apartment this morning.
536
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,542
30 seconds.
537
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,296
I've decided to go to
the bridge tomorrow.
538
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,588
You've inspired me.
539
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,508
What if this experience
hasn't changed me?
540
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,886
Maybe everything I
was feeling for Elisa
541
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:59,055
was just neediness and fear.
542
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,223
I mean, can two
people fall in love
543
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,309
over a benign gonad cyst?
544
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,101
Why not?
545
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,713
It's not about
where things start.
546
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:06,853
It's about where it goes.
547
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,189
Tracy told me that.
548
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,481
He's kind of on a roll.
549
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,917
Ladies and gentlemen,
550
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,485
miss Janet Jopler!
551
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:13,402
Who?
552
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,987
Until we get the life rights,
553
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,439
we have to protect ourselves.
554
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,866
♪ I'd like you to come on ♪
555
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,242
♪ come on ♪
556
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:23,162
♪ come on and take it ♪
557
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:24,614
♪ take another little chunk ♪
558
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:27,333
♪ of my lung now, mister ♪
559
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,127
Also, we didn't get the songs.
560
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,438
I wrote this myself
five minutes ago.
561
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,172
♪ You know you bought it ♪
562
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,967
♪ if life makes you sweet food ♪
563
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,469
Now this I like.
564
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:46,310
♪ ♪
565
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,270
Waiting for someone?
566
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,147
What?
567
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:50,898
What do you think you're doing?
568
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,525
Oh, I'm so sorry!
569
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,486
I thought he was someone else.
570
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,196
Liz.
571
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,488
Wh...
572
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,617
Shut it down!
573
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,425
♪ Chunk of my lung ♪
574
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,717
♪ chunk of my lung ♪
575
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,177
♪ and take it ♪
576
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:21,469
♪ take a big ol' chunk ♪
577
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:25,057
♪ of my lung now baby ♪
578
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,349
♪ take it ♪
579
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,310
♪ take a big old
chunk of my lung ♪
580
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:31,480
♪ chunk of my lung ♪
581
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,024
♪ you know you bought it ♪
582
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:37,486
♪ if you buy it with
things, ow ♪ ♪