Oh, miss Lemon,
you have several messages.
Let's see, that company running the bike tour
in south Carolina says, "no singles."
Okay. Uh, your credit card called.
They wanna make sure you're the one
buying cream soda in bulk.
I sure am.
And your landlord called.
And he said it is not the toilet, it's you.
That's his opinion.
Oh, and Jean
from your high school reunion committee called.
They want to know if you're coming this weekend.
No. No way.
Oh, you have to go.
My high school reunion was so much fun.
Hey there, Michael.
Oh, my god, Phil Barror.
Hello, Teniqua.
You gotta go to your reunion.
You get to get back at everybody
who ever messed with you.
You said I'd never amount to anything!
Look at me now!
Look at this necklace!
Sir, this is a school for deaf girls.
And I definitely would have gone to my reunion.
But the boat I was educated on sank.
Well, I wouldn't have fun, so I'm not going.
Kathy... over here.
Ka thy
We shouldn't have to go through this, sir.
You are doing the job of the CEO.
It should be you
on the cover of the quarterly report. It will be.
If Kathy's father ever comes out of his coma.
Until then, the board has put her in charge,
and we need to respect that.
What if something happened to her?
Something bad!
Then we would have a secret that bound us together.
What is she doing?
I don't know.
Either a weather event is approaching,
or...
Get me Jack Donaghy.
♪ ♪
How come there ain't no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?!
They got every race and life-form in the galaxy,
except for Puerto Ricans.
What's up with that?
What is this, the local?
He woke up!
Geiss woke up. What?!
Yes!
Mwah! What's that flavor?
It's dove age-fighting acne cream.
Oh. Geiss is awake?
You're gonna be CEO.
Yes!
I was the first person he called.
Well, his French-Canadian mistress, and then me.
I'm meeting him in one hour on the Edison terrace.
I did it, Lemon.
I got the brass ring.
And I couldn't have done it without... my lucky coin.
Well...
I'm happy for you.
You're having your reunion this weekend?
I wish I had a Princeton reunion right now.
Wipe that smug smile off Michelle Obama's face.
Am I the only person around here
that doesn't like reunions?
Don't tell me you're not gonna go.
This may come as some surprise to you, Jack,
but I was kind of a lonely nerd in high school.
And if I remember correctly,
you were a good deal more... uh-huh.
Yeah, it was hell for me.
I just wanted to be left alone,
but I guess every high school has people like Kelsey winthrop.
Hey, Liz, how's the telescope?
Ugh, the only people that are gonna go to this thing
are people like her and her stupid friends.
The cool, pretty crowd.
Well, that's you now, Lemon.
You run a hit TV show,
you have very impressive friends.
You found a hairstyle that works for you,
so long as it's not too humid.
And you're telling me that you don't have the confidence
to face a bunch of whittling, jug-blowing,
IHOP monkeys?
Jack, it's a suburb of Philadelphia.
Lemon, you will go and show that Kelsey winthrop
that the ugly duckling has turned into
a vaguely ethnic swan.
No, I'm not going.
I'd never get a rental car now anyway.
Well, then, take the ge jet.
The CEO insists.
They have popcorn on the plane.
I want to go to there.
Mr. Geiss, it is very good to see you
up and about, sir.
Yes, Jackie boy,
I think you know why you're here.
Congratulations.
You are the first to know, officially,
that I'm staying on as CEO.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
A beam of energy came and spoke to me
during my coma.
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't know what it was.
It could have been an alien. Maybe it was god.
Maybe it was an unborn aztec King.
But it told me my work here is not yet done.
Oh, it's done. I think it's done.
You're still my choice to take over when I die,
if that ever even happens.
Ha ha.
Tray, why are you in your angry chair?
Because Kenneth got a bigger laugh
in the elevator than me today.
And where were you two?!
Your job is to protect me from embarrassment.
Grizz had to go to the optometrist.
Making up words won't save you.
Okay, we're getting on the elevator with Kenneth,
and you're going to laugh at my jokes.
Hey, hey
I'm so glad I found you.
There's been a change of plans.
Geiss is staying on as CEO.
What?!
A beam of energy told him to.
That's fun, right?
And instead of running everything,
I'm going back to my old job.
So the standards department is telling me
you can only say "cat anus" twice
during the show, but I'm gonna fight for you.
You can say it three times.
Cat anus, cat anus, cat anus!
Are you okay?
I have to be.
What are my other options? Cry? Wallow?
If I do that,
Geiss and the beam win.
If I control my feelings, I win.
Jeez, Jack, tough year.
First William f. Buckley dies, now this.
Next stop impotence, right?
So since we don't have the jet, I guess...
No, no, you're still going to your reunion.
Nothing changes, I rented a jet,
and I'll drop you off on my way to Miami.
Why are you going to Miami?
Why does anybody go to Miami?
Ass and the burgeoning art scene.
I gotta blow off some steam.
Come on, let's go have some fun.
I'm sorry you're stuck in white haven.
Boy, it was something landing in this storm, huh?
Listen, about some of the stuff that I said...
One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti!
Sometimes I pee in the shower if I'm really tired!
I saw my grandparents making love once,
and I didn't leave right away!
He didn't give it to me.
All that work, all that sacrifice.
Why did I bother?
I know, but remember, don't let him win.
Cat anus.
I don't know who I am.
Jack... I don't know where I am.
I know it's not Miami,
but you can blow off steam here.
We have a lovely n.C. Wyeth museum.
Actually, some meth addicts burned that place down
last August.
Well, there are excellent restaurants
down on cabot street.
Uh, the Vietnamese immigrants took over
all of those places.
I wouldn't recommend going to little Hanoi after dark
unless you're wearing a Khan dong.
Why don't you just direct me
to the bar?
I'm sorry, sir, no bars here.
We've been a dry county since 1880.
It's the one tradition that remains.
But do you like methodist churches
full of Vietnamese? Give me the key.
Hey, elevator, what's this?
A ghetto mating call.
Wow, I didn't get the memo.
Jeesh, buy a guy a drink first.
This place is bigger than my apartment.
♪ ♪
A Manhattan, please.
Sure. What kind of bourbon?
A white wine spritzer, please.
Kelsey winthrop.
I think Danvers has a bar.
To get there, you just go
straight down ngo dinh diem boulevard
until you see a sign that says "detour."
Now ignore that. It's a trap.
And then you want to get on route nine going west
about 30 miles.
Does the reunion have a bar?
♪ ♪
Kelsey? It's Liz Lemon.
Oh, my god!
Yeah. Surprising.
But cocoon, and then flap, flap, flap... butterfly.
Wow, I did not think you'd come.
Well, I almost didn't.
I was in Manhattan, working in the fast Lane...
You made life a living hell for everyone here!
You would have to come to the reunion
and make us go through it all again.
What?
You know, I tried to befriend you
just so you'd leave me alone.
Hey, Liz, how's the telescope?
I don't know, Kelsey. How's your mom's pill addiction?
What are you talking about? I was a nerd.
You were a bully!
We were all afraid of you.
We called you the white haven witch.
Lemon?! Oh, Erin, no!
Don't sink to her level.
This is a beauty Mark.
But you thought it was funny to say that god pooped on me.
I didn't think anybody was listening to me.
I was a nobody. You were homecoming queen.
I have had years of therapy...
Kel... kels,
your facial tic. Oh!
You brought it back!
You happy?
And I still got the mulch business.
It's hard work, but I'm outside all day,
and I don't answer to anyone.
Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Are you happy?
Well, I got a boat, good friends, and a trampoline.
You tell me.
That's the life, right?
What are you doing here?
I'm getting drunk.
Lemon, would you buy my mulch?
I don't know, Jack.
I just found out that I was a jerk
in high school.
Yeah, turns out I'm not the lovable nerd.
I was the bully you hate.
This is mostly spit.
Hello, Elizabeth.
It's Rob sussman.
Still think I am "gayer than the volleyball scene"
in top gun"?
No, we... we were friends.
No, I just said that stuff
to try to make it okay for you to come out.
Come out of what?!
I'd like you to meet my wife,
with whom I've raised three beautiful dogs.
Oh, boy.
I cannot deal right now.
I'm so mad, all I can do is dance.
Ugh, even Rob sussman hated me?
He was the first gay guy I ever kissed.
What is wrong with these people? Nothing.
They're good Americans.
Hey, Lemon, check this out. I just made it up.
The three Bs: Beers, boats, and buds.
Doesn't that sound great?
Are you having a stroke? No.
No, all my life I thought I made good choices,
but am I happy?
These people are happy. I envy them.
I wish I was one of them.
Larry? Larry Braverman?
Yes.
I am Larry Braverman.
Larry Braverman. Aah!
No one has seen you
since what... graduation.
Man, you are still, like, the coolest guy ever.
Hey, you still got that old Camaro?
No, no, it finally broke down. Oh, man...
Yeah, from having too much sex in it!
Oh, you bro!
That's awesome.
Hey, let's go out in the parking lot
and do donuts!
You know, just like in the old days.
Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. Come on.
Come on.
Let's do some donuts.
How is this working?
You are 12 years older than everybody here.
Lemon, rich 50 is middle-class 38, okay?
Jack... no, no, I don't want to be Jack Donaghy anymore.
I'm Larry now.
That's one thing that Don Geiss can't take away from me.
Now, are you gonna be leaving soon?
'Cause you're kinda harshin' everybody's buzz
around here.
No, I'm not gonna leave.
Sure, I said some dumb things in high school,
but I have changed.
I'm gonna turn this thing around, Jack.
Show everybody the good, kind person I've become.
Go home, Lemon!
No way, new friend.
Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?
Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors.
If we didn't exist, how would people know who to vote for?
And people around here shouldn't take attention
from us, should they?
No. Never.
Attention is what gives us power.
If someone threatens that, you have to put a stop to it.
Wait, who are you worried about?
Is it Allison from wardrobe's baby?
What is up with that thing?
So she can put her feet in her mouth.
So can I.
It's not the baby. It's Kenneth. Kenneth?!
Are you crazy?
Come on. He knows his place.
And he worships us. Yeah...
He does.
Come on, you know we're the big dogs around here.
Hey, let's go throw a tantrum about the air-conditioning.
That sounds really nice.
Lemon!
Ugh!
Larry?
Larry...
It's me, Jessica.
I can't believe you're here.
You never answered my letters.
I... I didn't know what to say...
Because of, you know...
The things.
I hate the way we ended, Larry.
I am so, so sorry for what happened.
I forgive you... Jessica.
Really?
Even for... especially for that.
Say what you said to me that night at the lake.
No.
♪ ♪
Guys?
I just want to say I'm so, so sorry
if I ever made you...
Really, Liz?
20 years too late and way too little.
Ooh, hello.
Would you please leave us alone. 'Cause you know what,
we're trying to have fun tonight.
That's my point. I've changed.
New Liz is fun.
I don't ruin parties. I get 'em going.
Look, let's all do the Diane.
What is wrong with you?!
Diane?
♪ ♪
Hi.
Could you hit four, please?
Next stop, Kansas City.
Oh, you are so funny.
They should put you on the show.
♪ Did you ever know ♪
♪ that you're my hero ♪
♪ and everything I would like to be-e-e ♪
Singing in the elevator.
It's like a road trip to the sky!
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
99 bottles of beer ♪
♪ you take one down, pass it around ♪
♪ 98 bottles of beer on the wall ♪
Kenneth is a monster!
We have to stop him!
♪ ♪
I want you all to know how happy I am right now.
Being here with you people has helped me more
than you can know.
To us!
Oh, man, look at us!
It's just like we're back in high school, right?
You know what was always my favorite thing?
Seven minutes in heaven. Oh!
You always got the bottle to land on me.
Think you still have the touch?
Oh, yeah.
Do it! Come on!
Come on, Braverman!
Do it, do it, do it...
What are we all doing?
Boo!
Just to be clear, we're not making out.
That would be social suicide.
Like I even want to be here in this closet at this reunion.
It's a nightmare.
A nightmare for whom, Lemon?
If these jagweeds don't want to get to know the nice new me,
then screw them and their rapidly yellowing teeth.
Wow, Lemon, you really haven't changed, have you?
Excuse me?
What happened when I told you Geiss had screwed me over
for the CEO job?
Did you offer your help as a friend?
Or did you make some joke about me being impotent?
Jeez, that was, like, eight hours ago.
I was just, I don't know, cutting the tension.
Or, as always, were you hiding behind your sense of humor
instead of engaging in a real way?
Really, I'm the one that's hiding, Larry Braverman?
There it is, right there.
When you feel threatened, you attack.
That's why you're almost 40 and you're still alone.
At least I'm not 50, alone,
and sitting on 2,000 business cards
for a job I'm never gonna get.
What did you say? Yeah.
Your bags were delivered to my room by accident.
Look what I found.
You went to a printer, didn't you?
You picked out a font.
You paid extra for a rush order.
It was your happy, little secret.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Why is she so mean?
What'd you do to bra verman?!
She's awful. She's the gay one!
Oh...
Here's your lunch, Mr. Parcell.
Just the way you like it.
Ham sandwich with the works, hold the bread.
But that's my job.
This studio hosted
the kraft television theater in the 1950s,
where young writers like Paddy Chayefsky and Rod Serling
first Rose to prominence.
Mr. Jordan, why are you giving a tour?
It doesn't feel good when someone does your job, does it?
I don't understand.
I don't like it when you do jokes in the elevator.
That's my job.
Oh, lord, I didn't know.
I would never do anything to hurt you.
You're my best friend.
We're not really best friends. We're just good friends.
I just want you to stop.
I will. I will.
Uhh, I'm so sorry, miss Morone.
No, keep crying.
I want you to feel this
so you never make this mistake again.
And for traveling the farthest distance,
it's David Messinger!
Hey, Larry,
we've got this plan to get back at Liz,
and we wanna know if you're in... we're gonna Carrie her.
Like the movie. It will be delicious.
And now, for best school spirit,
it's Liz Lemon!
Come up onstage, Liz!
Uh, no, thanks. I don't want it.
It comes with a $50 gift certificate
to ♪ outback steak house ♪
I want to go to there.
♪ ♪
Wait...
Wait!
Wait, we cannot do this.
We cannot Carrie Liz Lemon.
Oh, not okay, guys!
We all know
that Liz Lemon has her faults,
but no one's perfect.
I mean, I'm certainly not perfect.
Don't say that, Braverman!
You're more than perfect.
No, no, no, it's true.
I've made mistakes.
Sacrificed happiness for a job
I don't think I'm ever going to get.
We all have ways of coping.
I use sex and awesomeness.
Braverman!
Lemon here hides behind her insults,
but that's not who she is.
She's a good person...
Whom I'm honored to call my friend.
Thank you, Larry.
And I'm sorry I lashed out at you.
You will need those cards someday.
Larry,
we're all so happy to have you back in our lives.
But me especially.
Because there's someone I want you to meet.
Larry...
This is your son.
I am not Larry Braverman.
I repeat, I am not Larry Braverman!
I am Liz Lemon's
platonic friend, Jack Donaghy.
Lemon, come on, let's go.
Once and for all, I want to say I'm sorry.
You know what, suck it, you whittling IHOP monkeys!
Lemon, the jet's waiting.
That's right, a jet, to New York city!
Lemon, out!
Braverman!