1 00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:06,924 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:08,376 Hello, pussycat! 3 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:09,426 Oh, really? 4 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,221 Lot of ladies get right in the car after that line, 5 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,515 you creepy piece of.. Jack! 6 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,684 Oh! 7 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,062 What are you... oh, I'm sorry. 8 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,897 D'oh! 9 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,565 When did you get back from D.C.? 10 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,537 How did you get out of your government job? 11 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,444 Um, I'm not at Liberty to discuss that. 12 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,154 That information is classified. 13 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,526 At least until Cheney dies, 14 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:31,883 which is gonna be a long time from now. 15 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,158 That man is mostly metal. 16 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,869 The important thing is that I'm here, 17 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,538 and I'm gonna get my old job back. 18 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,456 Yes, please come back, Jack! 19 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:40,916 Devin is the worst. 20 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,477 It's like he doesn't he even care 21 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:43,585 when we should have cake 22 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:44,896 for people's whose birthdays are on the weekend. 23 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,880 The Friday before. At lunch. 24 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,172 Oh! 25 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,883 So what's with the outfit, Lemon? 26 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,277 Did the people from that makeover show 27 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,541 finally respond to your letter? 28 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:55,764 No, I am dressed up because the adoption agency 29 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,100 is doing my home evaluation today. 30 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,518 Just be yourself, Lemon. 31 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,090 I'm gonna be better than myself. 32 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,396 My apartment is spotless. 33 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:03,968 I have practiced all my answers. 34 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,627 I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies 35 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,176 in case they consider them erotica. 36 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,479 That man can wear a sweater. 37 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,252 There is no chance that I'm blowing this. 38 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:21,699 ♪ ♪ 39 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,109 What can I do for you, Jack? 40 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,260 Devin, I know we've had our battles in the past, 41 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,886 but I want to offer my assistance 42 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,763 to you and ka thy 43 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,016 Oh, that's funny, Jack. 44 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,868 You see, the only thing that Kathy and I 45 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,352 need assistance with 46 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,438 is deciding which John Mayer song 47 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:45,397 to do it to. 48 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:46,732 Oh, come on, Banks. 49 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,443 You sold off small appliances. 50 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,862 Sheinhardt wigs missed projections for last quarter. 51 00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:53,530 I hear that that theme park fire 52 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,199 didn't destroy any of the stuff it was supposed to. 53 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,971 Rumor has it you're in over your head. 54 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,705 Well, you know what they say about rumors, Jack. 55 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,416 They make a "ru" out of "mor" and "s." 56 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,335 Yes, we've had some setback. Ahem. 57 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,879 But Kathy and I have everything under control. 58 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,465 No! Aah! 59 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,109 Don't even think about talking to her 60 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,760 when her soaps are on! 61 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,212 Seriously, she will bite you. 62 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,180 You owe me a job, Banks. 63 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,033 You know her father wanted me to takeover 64 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:20,766 before he slipped into that coma. 65 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,225 Hmph. 66 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,478 If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, 67 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:27,856 it's keep your friends close... 68 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,274 And your enemies so close 69 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,319 that you're almost kissing. 70 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,327 So... ahem... that's why I'm gonna offer you a job. 71 00:02:40,619 --> 00:02:42,037 In the mailroom. 72 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:45,916 I'll take it. 73 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:48,543 Great news, guys. 74 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:49,915 I just got a residual check 75 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,487 from that Japanese commercial I did. 76 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,927 I still don't know 77 00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,471 how that advertised Tokyo university. 78 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,099 But I'm gonna use this $300 79 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:03,701 to buy us all some new boots for me. 80 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,812 It's official! I'm a genius. 81 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,564 My video game is selling through the rizznoof. 82 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,234 Well, how far through the riznoof? 83 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,529 Whoa, that's not slang. He has a speech impediment. 84 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:18,490 61 million copies at $60 each. 85 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,451 Well, you know you didn't 86 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,078 make this video game alone, Tracy. 87 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:23,954 A lot of people helped. 88 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,124 I don't know. I think I did it alone. 89 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:30,711 And this check is the prizznoof. 90 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,924 Now that one was just him being obnoxious. 91 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,722 Thank you. Jack? 92 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,807 I'm back, Lemon. 93 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,600 Devin thought he could humiliate me, 94 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,620 but he doesn't understand that I worked my way up 95 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:48,186 from the bottom before, and I can do it again. 96 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,896 The last time took me 22 years, 97 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,274 but I know so much more now this time. 98 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,108 I think I can do it in nine. 99 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,735 So you're gonna be a mailroom guy. 100 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,529 I'm the head mailroom guy. 101 00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:58,965 I've already been promoted once since this morning. 102 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,157 That's pretty fast. 103 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:01,575 With a little hard work, 104 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:02,885 I think I'll be back to VP status before I'm 60. 105 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,911 And if my home evaluation goes well, 106 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,289 I will be a mother by 50. 107 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,621 We really can have it all. 108 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,501 Yeah. 109 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,339 What was your reason for wanting to adopt? 110 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,341 Thank you for that question, Bev. 111 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,968 The world is a troubled place, 112 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,762 and with so many children 113 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,346 in need of adoption worldwide... 114 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,807 So..."infertility" or "other?" 115 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,310 Other. 116 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,978 How old are you, Liz? 37. 117 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,855 I should tell you right now 118 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:33,565 it's important that you don't lie. 119 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:37,819 How often do you entertain gentlemen sex guests? 120 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,572 Oh, boy, that's once a year, maybe. 121 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,304 But I'd be open to cutting that down. 122 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:44,534 Is that a safety thing? Because I can fix that. 123 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,245 You ever run a webcam ring out of here, Liz? 124 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,723 Gentlemen tell you what to do, you do it? 125 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,166 At first with some feigned hesitation? 126 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,337 No! Is that on the form? 127 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,464 Have you ever been convicted of a crime? 128 00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,883 I was arrested once in Germany 129 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:00,550 for public nudity. 130 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,469 I thought it was a topless beach. 131 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,054 It was a shipyard. 132 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,934 You're a TV writer, Liz. 133 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:09,810 How many hours per week do you work? 134 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,437 Between 60 and 80. 135 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:15,941 Is that a work call? 136 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,233 Could be. 137 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,860 Or it could be my annual sex guest. 138 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,137 Your work life seems very demanding. 139 00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:25,700 Maybe I should pop by there tomorrow. 140 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:30,872 Uh, Ms. Geiss, I have your soap opera digest. 141 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,667 Kathy, this can't be easy for you. 142 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,669 Your father, such a great leader, 143 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:36,962 trapped in a coma. 144 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,756 All this responsibility heaped on your... 145 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,675 Young shoulders. 146 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,385 With all due respect to Devin, 147 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,720 he's a party boy 148 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,430 with a grown man's job. 149 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,057 He can't handle it. 150 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,350 I want to be of service. 151 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,893 Let me help you. 152 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,523 Oh. 153 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,692 Oh! 154 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,989 Hey, can I have everyone's attention, please? 155 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,991 Hi, there's... 156 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:09,160 There is a woman coming by the office today... 157 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:10,912 Ooh-whoo! 158 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:11,872 No, stop it. 159 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,331 Uh, her name is Bev, 160 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,585 and she is evaluating me for an adoption. 161 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:17,877 Ooh-whoo! 162 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,754 Morons. Ugh. 163 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,465 I need everyone to be on their best behavior. 164 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,757 No cursing. 165 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,164 Please take down any pornography 166 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,596 that you have in your office. 167 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,181 Nothing weird. 168 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,017 Oh, come on. It's movie party Thursday. 169 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,977 I brought in my tape of circus accidents. 170 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,520 No, no. 171 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,355 Please, a lion eats a sad clown. 172 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,647 Tomorrow. 173 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,942 Please just be normal-sauce for one day. 174 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,070 And change that hat. 175 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,489 Pete, I need you to call the set design guys 176 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,117 and have them make the green room into a nursery. 177 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,286 I may have lied about some stuff. 178 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,871 Liz. 179 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,123 I have a serious issue. 180 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,626 Oh, I told you not to write back to your stalker. 181 00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,295 Oh, no, this is not about yolanda. 182 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:01,713 Listen, Tracy keeps bragging 183 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,065 about all the money he's making 184 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,249 off of his stupid video game. 185 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,927 Meanwhile, those of us who did the voice acting 186 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,219 weren't even compensated. 187 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,388 I mean, I don't do anything for yolanda, 188 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,160 and she sends me those headless dolls. 189 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,142 Well, I was not supposed to say anything, 190 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,103 but he has something very special planned. 191 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,795 Oh, I'll believe that when I see it. 192 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:19,939 Well, you will see, 193 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,000 and then you are gonna be embarrassed 194 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:22,084 that we had this conversation. 195 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,944 Can I hide this box of penis pasta 196 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,235 in your dressing room? 197 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,947 Lemon. 198 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,490 Psst! 199 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,824 She touched me. 200 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,576 Who? Kathy Geiss. 201 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,536 She touched me in my swimsuit area. 202 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,330 No! Kathy? 203 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,873 It made me very uncomfortable. 204 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,459 It's not all erotic and fun, like when men do it to women. 205 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,211 Have you ever been sexually harassed? 206 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,754 Of course not. Of course not. 207 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,523 I mean, how far would I have to let her go 208 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,547 to get my old job back? 209 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:46,734 Are we talking over the shirt? 210 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:47,758 Frontsies, backsies? 211 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,844 Or would I really have to give her my gift? 212 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,416 Ugh. Oh, what am I talking about? 213 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,139 I can't go through this. 214 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,975 If I pleasure Kathy to get my old job, 215 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,726 I'm no better than Devin. 216 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,396 The only path is the virtuous path. 217 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,397 Even if it takes five years. 218 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:01,791 I thought you said nine years. 219 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,125 I was promoted again this morning. 220 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,429 I'm now director of mail systems. 221 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,736 Heh! Ugh. 222 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,535 Nice work, Hornberger. Are these dolls? 223 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:14,827 Are they? 224 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,121 Mommy! 225 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,653 They're called little creepers. 226 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,749 Oh, is it so wrong that I just want to have 227 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,394 one of these to grow up and resent me? 228 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:22,836 Oh, you will. 229 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,422 Hmm. 230 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,259 Hey, Tracy, did you see 231 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,711 that thing in the paper today 232 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,054 about how Lil Wayne... That's a person, right? 233 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,515 Anyway, Lil Wayne, 234 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:39,060 every time one of his albums drops, 235 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,770 he buys diamond watches 236 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,981 for everybody that worked on it. 237 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,984 I know what you're hinting at, Liz Lemon. 238 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,796 I should get my rap career going again. 239 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,320 All in due time. 240 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,448 No, I want you to get presents 241 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,660 for everyone who helped you with your video game. 242 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,700 Especially Jenna. 243 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:58,246 Noblesse oblige, yes. 244 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,874 Let's go shopping. To the Batmobile! 245 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,045 Don't worry. He's just leasing it. 246 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,421 Oh, good. 247 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,631 What I'm saying is 248 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,341 don't dress for the job you have. 249 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,010 Dress for the job you want to have. 250 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,302 So now, Manny... 251 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,804 Tomorrow I'll show up for work 252 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,282 dressed as a Mexican wrestler. 253 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,391 Well... 254 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,392 Aah ooh eee! 255 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:20,684 Banks?! 256 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,187 Good god, what are you doing here? 257 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:23,563 Where are your shoes? 258 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,315 Oh, damn it. 259 00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,650 Must've left them in my business meeting. 260 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,545 Banks, you've gotta get a hold of yourself. 261 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,671 You've got a company to run. 262 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:31,988 Oh, I'm running it. 263 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,532 I have a plan to quadruple profits by the year 2015. 264 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,302 How are you possibly going to do that? 265 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,661 The old-fashioned way, Jack. 266 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,372 I'm gonna shut it down. 267 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,392 I'm gonna shut the whole thing down for two years. 268 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,667 I mean, imagine how badly 269 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,062 people'll want light bulbs then. 270 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,462 Are you insane? 271 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,074 Think about the jobs, the economy. 272 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,172 This is ge! 273 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,382 It's just "g" now, Jack. 274 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,718 I sold the "e" to Samsung. They're samesung now. 275 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,154 I was supposed to be a ta board meeting 276 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,304 five hours ago. 277 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,390 Which way's Connecticut... oh! 278 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,022 Oh, hi. May I help you. 279 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,482 Ah, I'm Bev. 280 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,484 I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation. 281 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,236 Oh, of course. 282 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,154 I think adoption is a wonderful thing. 283 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,241 Three of my nine siblings were adopted. 284 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,494 And someday I'm gonna find them. 285 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,247 Bev, hi! Thank you, Kenneth. 286 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,958 So this our studio. 287 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,127 It would be a really fun place 288 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,545 for a kid to grow up. 289 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:29,921 Lots of costumes and... 290 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,342 Watch out, idiot! Nice job, jackass! 291 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,969 We're like a big family here. 292 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,262 Hey, Rick! 293 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,515 I'm Fred. Rick is the other black guy. 294 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,475 Happens to everyone, right, Bev? 295 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:47,063 Yeah, happens all the time to my black husband. 296 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,318 Well, I first met Liz in 1993. 297 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:53,770 She was fresh out of college, 298 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,655 and I had just broken up with O.J. Simpson. 299 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,198 And can I just say something? 300 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,117 Total gentleman. 301 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,286 Liz is a really, really mature person. 302 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,746 And she totally deserves to get custody of her kids. 303 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,373 It's not a custody case. 304 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,083 Liz is trying to adopt a child. 305 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,960 Then who were those kids 306 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,479 that you were yelling at the other day? 307 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,380 Those were some child actors 308 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,717 who had lied about being able to break-dance. 309 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,343 Actually, I lived with Liz 310 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,863 while I was separated from my wife. 311 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:20,388 In a platonic way. 312 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,575 Um, but I haven't lived there for a couple months now 313 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,785 because I've been in an anger management treatment center 314 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:29,022 'cause I shot one of my coworkers with an arrow. 315 00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,581 I think it's a circus in the Philippines. 316 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,110 The lion goes nuts and attacks this older clown. 317 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,042 How did we get started talking about this? 318 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,697 Did you bring it up? 319 00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,576 I'm so sorry. 320 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,468 Would you excuse us for a moment, please? 321 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,038 How is your thing going? 322 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,849 Not terrific. I'm not sure that she's... 323 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,917 Lemon, I don't have five years. What? 324 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,835 Devin's lost it. 325 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,147 I've gotta stop him before this whole thing implodes. 326 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,771 He wants to shut down the entire company. 327 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,007 What are you talking about? 328 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,426 I've gotta go now while Devin's in Connecticut. 329 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,571 I'm doing this for the greater good. What are you saying? 330 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,597 I'm going upstairs... 331 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,766 To doink Kathy Geiss. 332 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,477 God! 333 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,582 Tracy Jordan's not here right now. 334 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,606 But he's great. 335 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,441 It's a shame you won't get to meet him. 336 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,860 Attention, everyone! Hey, great. 337 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,946 I'd like to take this opportunity to thank 338 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,698 everyone involved in making my video game 339 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:24,369 the most profitable thing since the war on terror. 340 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,205 Yes, I am provocative. 341 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,641 Frank, for all your hard work, 342 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:31,251 please accept this set of solid gold nunchackus. 343 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,170 I will use these only for good. 344 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,758 Hyah hyah hyah! 345 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,890 Petey Pete, for letting us use the sound booth, 346 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,012 please accept this chinchilla coat. 347 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,347 Wow. 348 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,279 You're gonna get so much nice-nice in that 349 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,660 you're gonna have to grow an another ding... 350 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:48,977 Tracy, this is Bev. 351 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,561 The lady from the adoption thing. 352 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,523 Bev... mmm-wah! 353 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,375 Now you look out for my girl, Liz Lemon, 354 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,601 'cause me and her go way back 355 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,070 like spinal cords and car seats. 356 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,642 That's not really an expression. 357 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,573 Ahem. 358 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:03,865 Mr. Banks? 359 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,244 I thought you were going to Connecticut today. 360 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,721 I blew it off. Nice to see you, Liz. 361 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,865 Let's chitchat. What's that? 362 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,415 Man trouble, boot-cut jeans? Fun, bye! 363 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,917 Kenneth, it is imperative 364 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,479 that you keep Mr. Banks down here until I can get to Jack. 365 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,855 Do you know what "imperative" means? 366 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,131 Tell me, tell me! 367 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,425 Important. It means important. 368 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,593 I'll just be a minute, Bev! 369 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,347 Mr. Banks, look how many pushups I can do. 370 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,310 Hmm. 371 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,437 ♪ Yo, it's about that time ♪ 372 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,248 ♪ to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme... ♪ 373 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:37,942 Devin's here! 374 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,653 Cover yourself. 375 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,164 You smell like strawberries. 376 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,541 That's the lip gloss she put on me 377 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,627 so I could be her fancy boy. 378 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,756 Is this the way my life was supposed to play out? 379 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,425 The kid who walked four miles every Saturday to caddy 380 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,069 because mother said that golf was a game 381 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,303 for businessmen? 382 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:06,697 Paid his way through Princeton 383 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,361 by working the day shift at that graveyard 384 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,034 and the graveyard shift at the days inn? 385 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,811 22 years of single-mindedly fighting my way 386 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,164 to the top of this company. 387 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,188 Thank god I don't have 388 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,676 your biological need for children. 389 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,859 That would make success impossible. Thanks. 390 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,236 This job was all I've ever wanted, Lemon. 391 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,328 And now it hinges on how far I'm willing to go 392 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,214 with a woman in dora the explorer panties 393 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:27,968 that were clearly made for an obese child. 394 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,202 Are you sure she wants sex? 395 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,014 Maybe she's just looking for attention. 396 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:31,871 I mean, her whole world 397 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:34,040 is stuffed unicorns and soap operas. 398 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,584 Aren't soap operas all about sex? No, no way. 399 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,062 No, the best part of a soap opera 400 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,766 is when someone's twin interrupts a wedding 401 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,340 or somebody pulls a gun at the fitness center. 402 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:43,692 Hold on a second. 403 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,551 Kathy's texting me now. 404 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,678 She's wondering where my strawberry mouth is. 405 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,765 Oh, nerds, it's Bev. Please be charming. 406 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,217 Hello, Bev. I'm Jack Donaghy. 407 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,233 Have you had a tour of our magnificent studio? 408 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:55,645 I have not. Right this way. 409 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,522 This is what you're giving me 410 00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,625 as a "thank you" gift... Some coupons for free hugs? 411 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,733 I'm suing you for my share 412 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,252 of your video game profits, Tracy. 413 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:02,985 You're gonna Sue me?! 414 00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,904 Would you like to see the green room? 415 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,840 Who do you think you are, the San Diego zoo? 416 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,033 You mean the nursery! 417 00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,685 We gotta get this stuff back 418 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,203 to the rental place by 5:00. 419 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:15,331 I love you! Mommy, I love you! 420 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,041 Dear god. 421 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,453 Ms. Lemon, did you lie to me 422 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,645 about their being a nursery here? 423 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,712 No! Rick, what are you doing? 424 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,798 Bitch, my name is Fred. 425 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,385 This is very disturbing, Liz. 426 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,197 This is a very serious breach of trust. 427 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,139 Bev, allow me to explain. 428 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,266 I've been mentoring Lemon for some time now. 429 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,060 Are you her boss? No, I work in the mail room. 430 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,649 Kathy, Bev and I are just friends! 431 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,941 Oh! 432 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,736 Kathy's the new CEO of our company. 433 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,115 Bev, you better run! She's surprisingly strong! 434 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,491 Unh! Oh! 435 00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,543 Frank, I told you to change that hat! 436 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,087 Oh, god, how can I have a kid here? 437 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,174 I can't even keep a grown woman safe in this place. 438 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,842 "Unsatisfactory"? 439 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,261 Unh. Are you okay, Bev? 440 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,054 You had quite a fall there. Oh. 441 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,515 Ah, I'm Bev. 442 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,560 I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation. 443 00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:21,147 Why, yes, hello, Bev. Did you just get here? 444 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,983 Yes, I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation. 445 00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,110 Where's my clicky pen? 446 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,403 I get a do-over. 447 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,175 No, we have to take her to a hospital. 448 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,158 No, 20 minutes. Just give me 20 minutes. 449 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,077 Do-over, do-over! 450 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,954 She doesn't remember anything. 451 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,307 You heard what the lady said. 452 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:38,956 We're taking a mulligan. 453 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,500 Let's make this one count now. 454 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,918 It's time, Lemon. 455 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,604 Kathy's texting me that Devin's gone. 456 00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:44,730 I have to go upstairs. What are you gonna do? 457 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:45,939 I'm gonna give Kathy the full soap opera 458 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,883 while you try to trick a lady with a head injury. 459 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,943 We might not be the best people. But we're not the worst. 460 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,012 Graduate students are the worst. 461 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,615 Hi, I'm Bev. Let's get started. 462 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,724 Right this way! 463 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,809 I know Liz would be a wonderful mother... 464 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,395 Because she's intelligent and kind. 465 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,606 She reminds me of my own mom. 466 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:06,108 Tough love, consistency, 467 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,236 a little mustache in a certain light. 468 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,530 And other kids really like her. 469 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,906 What? 470 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,616 Hey, Fred! 471 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:14,951 Hey. 472 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,328 Well, I think I've seen everything I need to see. 473 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,330 Man, do I have a headache. 474 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,807 Let's get down to brass tacks. 475 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,334 Liz, as a single woman with a demanding job 476 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:28,214 working in such a, well, nontraditional environment, 477 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:31,175 I'm sorry, but you're not an ideal candidate. 478 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,344 But we did everything perfectly this time. 479 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,762 Hmm? Bev, listen to me. 480 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,807 Yes, I work very hard. Almost all the time. 481 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:41,519 But I feel like my life will open up and make room, 482 00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,604 just the same way that my heart will open up 483 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,523 and make room when I meet this baby. 484 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,692 And, yes, this place is not ideal, 485 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,569 but these weirdoes are family to me. 486 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,113 And so if this job is a deal-breaker, 487 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,198 then you tear up my application 488 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,577 and I will start over some place else. 489 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,457 I wish there were a box on these forms 490 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,376 where I could check off "passion." 491 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,713 Because that is exactly the kind of warmth 492 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,840 and assertiveness that we are looking for. 493 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,467 I am going to reconsider your recommendation. 494 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,137 Oh, Bev, thank you! 495 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,222 Thank you, Bev! 496 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,601 Oh. 497 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,227 I'm Bev. 498 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,521 I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation. 499 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:26,897 Gargh! 500 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,234 All right, take her to the hospital. 501 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,030 Let's get started. 502 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,574 Ah! What are you doing? 503 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,576 Get upstairs. Jonathan, not now. 504 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:39,452 Yes now! 505 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,024 Jack kicked me out of the office. 506 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:44,749 He's about to debase himself to save the company. 507 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,041 Don't do this! 508 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,519 If you do, you'll be just as bad as Devin. 509 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,546 Liz, what are you doing here? 510 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,299 I thought you were 511 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:54,693 at the fitness center with your twin. 512 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,136 What? 513 00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,263 Liz, it's not what you think. 514 00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:00,907 Kathy and I are just working together. 515 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,892 Kathy, you know my lover, Liz. 516 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,102 That better be true, Jack, 517 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:06,754 or I'll make both of you disappear, 518 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,315 just like I did with Vivienne and patch. 519 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,068 Don't be ridiculous, Liz. 520 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,030 You know you're the only woman I've ever really loved. 521 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,865 Kathy's my partner. 522 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,575 She's hiring me to advise her 523 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:20,886 in all her business matters. 524 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,079 Isn't that true, Kathy? 525 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,206 I'm sorry, darling. 526 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,957 I've just been paranoid 527 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,794 ever since that incident with the weather machine. 528 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,796 Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 529 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:42,682 No, that's... UN-uh. No thank you. No, I don't think so. 530 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,725 Got any mail for me, Donaghy? 531 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,395 It's all over, Banks. 532 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,854 Kathy has hired me privately 533 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,626 to advise her on all business matters. 534 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,192 My god. That's her signature. 535 00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,277 Yeah. 536 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,737 Well, I'm not stupid, Jack. 537 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,614 I saw this day coming. 538 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,186 But I've already made provisions 539 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,368 for my financial future. 540 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,245 Check this out. 541 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,042 Oh! I'm gonna Sue you! 542 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,014 I've gonna Sue the entire city of New York! 543 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,254 I'm gonna Sue you. 544 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,881 You can't Sue me! I'm already being sued! 545 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,173 Double indemnity! 546 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:19,927 No, no, no! 547 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,804 Lemon, how's your friend Bev? 548 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,440 Unfortunately, Bev has made a full recovery. 549 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,359 So I have to start over with another agency. 550 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,445 This might take a long time, actually. 551 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,739 The semi-virtuous path. 552 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,282 You won't regret it. 553 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,783 Heh. 554 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,109 Did you need something else, Lemon? 555 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,250 No. 556 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,254 I just like seeing you in there.