1 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,007 This is it, Lemon. Government. 2 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,800 The true seat of American power. 3 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,427 This is all happening so fast. 4 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,999 I mean, last week you were at ge, 5 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,388 and this week you're... 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,348 What are you in charge of exactly? 7 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,641 We're sharing the load. 8 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,213 It's a bit of homeland security. 9 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,347 They still have that? 10 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,413 Extreme weather preparedness and the war on the poor. 11 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,557 You mean the war on poverty. 12 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,887 Yeah, okay, let's go with that. 13 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,060 So you're never coming back. 14 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:24,942 I'm sorry, Lemon, 15 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,944 but there's nothing left for me at ge. 16 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,716 Sure, Geiss could come out of the coma 17 00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,656 and say, "Jackie boy, you're the next CEO," 18 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:31,948 but that's not likely. 19 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,451 The cryogenecists are already sharpening their head saws. 20 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,578 Oh, this is all so weird. 21 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,372 It's making me sick to my stomach. 22 00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:39,944 Lemon, it's 8:00 in the morning. 23 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,559 Are you eating those Mexican cheese curls? 24 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,585 Hey, don't knock my Sabor de Soledad. 25 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,004 I found a prize in here the other day... I hope. 26 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,376 Lemon, I have to go. It's time for my freedom search. 27 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,514 Liz Lemon, do these look like wizard nipples to you? 28 00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,432 Well, I don't know. 29 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,809 Are the lightning bolts 30 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,203 supposed to be going in or out? 31 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,979 Exactly! It's all wrong. 32 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,064 These worlds are so clear in my head. 33 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:07,109 Oh, are these the characters for your porn video game? 34 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,652 The working title is 35 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:11,863 goregasm, colon, the legend of dong-slayer. 36 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,508 Sorry about the wizard, Tracy 37 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,742 I'll call the Korean animators. 38 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,411 Yeah, you fixulate this! 39 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:18,412 I'm sorry. 40 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,789 Liz Lemon, do you know what it's like 41 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,833 to be the only one who cares about your job 42 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,960 when everybody else around is goofing off 43 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,461 like a bunch of goof-offs? 44 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,921 Yes. 45 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,299 Uh-oh. Emotions. 46 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,711 You having your woman times? 47 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,010 What? No! 48 00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:35,762 I just had my woman times last... 49 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,054 Oh, boy. 50 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:48,225 ♪ ♪ 51 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,404 Why don't I cross out the days 52 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,582 like people in the movies? 53 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,338 I think you're supposed to take all of them. 54 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,839 Like, in a row. 55 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,925 Thank you, Cerie, but I've been sexually active 56 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,302 since I was 25. 57 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,389 Mr. Hornberger? 58 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:20,867 I was wondering if I could ask you to write 59 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,476 a recommendation for me to be a page 60 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,936 at the x-x-i-x summer Olympics in Beijing. 61 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,064 Sure, Kenneth. Have you ever wanted to go 62 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,374 to the Olympics, Mr. Hornberger? 63 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,192 I almost went once. 64 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,568 Bad news, archers. 65 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:36,031 President Carter has decided to boycott the Moscow games. 66 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,158 Peanut farmer. 67 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,534 Anyway, I was wondering 68 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,220 when you were gonna come to me for this. 69 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,804 You know the applications are due today. 70 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,164 Today, sir? 71 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,296 The memo I got said they were due in two weeks. 72 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,168 No, it's today at 5:00. 73 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,338 I have to write my personal essay! 74 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,091 Donny? 75 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,093 Parcell. 76 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,220 Thought you'd be coming out of that door. 77 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,639 Did you get my memo 78 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,131 about the olympic applications 79 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,016 being due two weeks from now? 80 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,308 Saboteur! 81 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,287 Looks like you'll be staying here in New York 82 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,771 all summer... Fighting the crowds, 83 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,398 smelling the hot garbage, 84 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,693 while I travel to beautiful, breezy Beijing. 85 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,653 The day's not over yet. 86 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,742 ♪ ♪ 87 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,755 Hey, you must be Jack Donaghy. 88 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047 Cooter berger, 89 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,551 vice chair of farm subsidies, acting head of FEMA, 90 00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,261 temporary acting head of the FBC 91 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,738 while the acting head is on trial. 92 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:41,948 Wow, you've had a lot of shake ups 93 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,597 around here lately, huh? 94 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,266 I couldn't disagree with you more. 95 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,118 The administration has been streamlined. 96 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,870 And the media are so obsessed 97 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,020 with the current election, 98 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,897 they've completely forgotten we're here. 99 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:51,773 It's an exciting time. 100 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,567 I'm glad to hear it. 101 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,878 I don't like to think of this president as a lame duck. 102 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,863 I like to think of him as a lame eagle. 103 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,409 The ceiling appears to be leaking. 104 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,827 No, it's not. 105 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,787 We've looked into it and it's not. 106 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:06,788 If you have any questions, 107 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,790 I'll write down my extension for you. 108 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,504 Do you need a pen? 109 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,029 Nope, I've kind of gotten used to it. 110 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,174 You don't have pens? 111 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,634 We're not in a recession. 112 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,006 Boy, we've got to crack the whip around here, Cooter. 113 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,862 You don't have pens. The roof is leaking. 114 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,057 No, it's not. I'll show you the study. 115 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,392 Hey, we have a meeting 116 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,162 with the appropriations committee, like, now. 117 00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:30,437 Oh, no, I'm not prepared. 118 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:31,889 I know. I'm not drunk either. 119 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,523 But we'll manage. 120 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:46,994 Mother! 121 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,207 Oh, I'm sorry 122 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:54,211 I don't know why I even came up here. 123 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,129 I mean, I know Jack's not here. 124 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,882 Boy, I am really going a little crazy! 125 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,676 I don't supposed you want to be my sounding board. 126 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,228 You're busy. I'll come back another time. 127 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,441 Warrior, you have defeated the snake elf. 128 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,902 Now join me in the orgy chamber. 129 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,654 The poets will sing of this night. 130 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,031 Stop, stop! It's not working. 131 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,742 It's not... not you, Grizz. You're doing great. 132 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,119 I memorized all my lines at home. 133 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,806 But, Jenna, you're not doing good acting. 134 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,956 Don't overthink it. 135 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,625 I don't need another Judi Dench situation. 136 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,085 Now let's just skip ahead 137 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,712 to the list of player sensuality options. 138 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,324 These avatars need to be able to do anything to each other. 139 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,801 Touch my cheek. 140 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,595 Touch my chest area. Now give me a little robot. 141 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:46,888 Touch my butt. 142 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,700 Now like it's a secret. Touch my knees. 143 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,142 Sexy, yes. Touch my knee spot. 144 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,937 Good. Touch my feet with your knees! 145 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:54,938 Now that we're in the zone, 146 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,232 I want you to give me some random sex sounds. 147 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,407 Wonderful, wonderful. 148 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,718 Let's take it again from the top. 149 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,786 This time, let's record! 150 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,497 Hey, Jack, it's Liz. 151 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,916 Um, maybe you're busy spreading democracy. 152 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,835 Anyway, give me a call. 153 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,629 Aagh! Things are happening! 154 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,924 Our first order of business, 155 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,303 the city of Portland has requested $9 million 156 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,763 to shore up its dam system. 157 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,849 I can't support that. "Damn" is a swear word. 158 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,726 I'd support it if instead of dam 159 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,120 we called it a "god finger." 160 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:37,814 Randall, must you bring religion into everything? 161 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,441 We need pens. 162 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,442 Excuse me? 163 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,611 Gentlemen, madame, 164 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,623 we all know that Rome wasn't built in a day. 165 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,822 Well, that's one theory. 166 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,116 But... 167 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,368 We have a chance to make this country great again. 168 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,621 We need hope. We need change. 169 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,289 We need experience. 170 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,000 We need pens. 171 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,681 Kenneth, where have you been? 172 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,326 I had to put on my jeans by myself. 173 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,643 I'm sorry, miss Maroney. 174 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,895 I'm trying to finish this application for Beijing. 175 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,774 Did someone say "Donny?" 176 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,442 No. No. 177 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,195 Oh, it's pretty muffled in there. 178 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,714 You'll never get that application 179 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:27,738 done in time, Parcell. 180 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,061 That's the only thing I know how to say in Chinese. 181 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,671 Four and a half hours, hee-haw. 182 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,553 Donny's right. 183 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,525 I'll never finish this application in time. 184 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,016 The personal essay is way harder than I thought, 185 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:55,934 'cause it's just not in my nature 186 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,226 to brag on myself. 187 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,436 Not even a backdoor brag? 188 00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,728 What's a backdoor brag? 189 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,896 It's sneaking something 190 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,441 wonderful about yourself into everyday conversation. 191 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,318 Like when I tell people it's hard for me 192 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,650 to watch American idol because I have perfect pitch. 193 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,657 Oh... ew! Now you try. 194 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,159 It's hard for me to watch American idol 195 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,371 because there's a water bug on my channel changer. 196 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,123 Ugh! It's no use! 197 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,298 Hmm? 198 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,633 Oh, no. 199 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,152 Someone's gonna get more attention than me. 200 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,511 That was amazing. 201 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,097 "Give us pens." I mean, how do you do it? 202 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,309 Cooter, I used to work for a man named Don Geiss. 203 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,671 He taught me how to be proactive. 204 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,560 I'm going to teach you the same thing. 205 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,562 I'm so happy you're here. 206 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,397 I haven't felt this energized at work 207 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,849 since the two weeks where they tried to teach us Farsi. 208 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:47,819 Cool phone. 209 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,111 Excuse me. 210 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:52,657 Jonathan. 211 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,910 Geiss spoke. What? 212 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,722 He's not out of the coma, but he spoke. 213 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,871 What did he say? 214 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,958 He said, "Jackie boy." 215 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,131 Cooter, this is my letter of resignation. 216 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,900 Would you make sure that it gets into the right hands? 217 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,885 What? No, no way. 218 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,457 What do you want to do that for? 219 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,364 I just received a very important phone call. 220 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,388 I've gotta get back. 221 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,516 But we were gonna do great things together. 222 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,808 Look, the leak's stopped. 223 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,063 I have to get back to New York. 224 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,022 This is my only chance. 225 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,314 Resignation denied. 226 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,723 You can't deny my resignation. 227 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:27,983 Actually, I can. 228 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,277 As acting head of the FBC, 229 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,569 I oversee the EWPC, 230 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,100 and I'm denying your resignation. 231 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,923 You'll stay here and serve your country. 232 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,992 The head of ge serves this country. 233 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,952 He provides jobs. Fuels innovation. 234 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,705 He brings good things to light. 235 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,597 Cooter, I'm begging you. Please let me go. 236 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,169 Hey, it's not up to me. 237 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,379 Even if I let you resign, my boss wouldn't. 238 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,507 They don't want people leaving here anymore. 239 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,079 You're not going anywhere, buddy! 240 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,136 Hey, the pens are here! 241 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,351 Usa! Usa! 242 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,813 Usa! Usa! 243 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,900 Hello, friend. 244 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,069 Oh, my god, you're pregnant. 245 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,904 What?! Yes. 246 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,156 How can you tell? I just can. 247 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,008 People always underestimate my instincts 248 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:17,826 because of my looks. 249 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,036 This is no time for backdoor bragging. 250 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,747 I'm just so happy for you. This is what you wanted. 251 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,039 Yeah, but not like this. 252 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,500 Why not like this, Liz? 253 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,544 As my mom used to say, 254 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,171 "you never want this to happen." 255 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,756 Have you called Floyd yet? What? 256 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,234 Floyd... you couldn't ask for a better guy 257 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,301 to make a mistake with. 258 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,680 Oh, no. It is Floyd, right? 259 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,391 Whoo! 260 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,645 Those margaritas were strong. 261 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,063 Can you come inside? 262 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,749 I need a couple light bulbs changed. 263 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,108 Pfft, yeah! 264 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,152 Oh, my god. 265 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,303 How could you have slept with Dennis? 266 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,991 It was before he tried to throw me 267 00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,283 under the subway train. 268 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,660 Oh, my god! 269 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,592 Oh, so you're the only person in the world 270 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,581 that's allowed to make sex mistakes? 271 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,793 You had a three-way with roseanne and Tom Arnold. 272 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,418 That was two years ago. 273 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,878 Fine, so I made one 274 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,006 extremely unfortunate coupling decision. 275 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,298 So what are you gonna do? 276 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,818 Well, obviously Dennis can't be involved 277 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,427 because he is a class "a" moron. 278 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,472 So I am just gonna be a kick-ass single mom. 279 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,350 Like Erin Brockovich or Sarah Connor. 280 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,894 Listen to you. 281 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,546 You're actually excited about this. 282 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,230 Yeah, I am. 283 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,774 Even though it's Dennis', I must really want a kid. 284 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,651 Go to the doctor and get a blood test 285 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:34,943 so you know for sure. 286 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,572 And while you're there, try to get me some Adderall. 287 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,619 I'm trapped here. I can't believe this. 288 00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,037 Well, I can't believe 289 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:45,931 the best friend I've ever had would try and leave me. 290 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,035 Cooter, look at this place. 291 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,833 This can't be what you want in life. 292 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,186 Haven't you ever thought of leaving? 293 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,296 Of course. Every day. 294 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,588 Every day for two years. 295 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,175 Look at these resignation letters. 296 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:01,804 They're written in ketchup, dirty rock, leak water. 297 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,264 And now you're here. 298 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,316 You're here and everything's gonna be better. 299 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,728 Now we've got pens. Glorious pens! 300 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,568 Oh, my god. 301 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,028 Oh, my god. 302 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,560 They're caps. Nothing but caps. 303 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,658 Cooter... that's not my name! 304 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,910 My name is James Reilly. 305 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,202 Cooter berger? 306 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,038 What do you think I am, a cartoon dog? 307 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:27,789 The president named me that. 308 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,582 He gave you two nicknames? 309 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,417 "Cooter" because I look like a turtle 310 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:35,338 and "berger" because he saw me eating a hamburger one time. 311 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,715 We have to get out of here. Now that's the spirit. 312 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,717 But if they're not taking resignations, 313 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,052 there's only one way out. 314 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,655 We have to work together to get fired. 315 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,348 It wasn't even a hamburger. 316 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,725 It was a sandwich. 317 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,068 Hello, Elizabeth. 318 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,903 Dennis, what are you doing here? 319 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,155 I don't have to explain myself to you. 320 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,727 Look, I told my mom I got a job, 321 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:03,907 so I've been coming here 322 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,386 for the past couple weeks during the day. 323 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,730 What? How come you're not at work? 324 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:08,013 Because I forgot my computer... 325 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,477 No, why am I... This is my apartment. 326 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,980 There something you want to tell me? 327 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,040 No. 328 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,732 Elizabeth, this is Melinda from Dr. Bouvier's office. 329 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,365 We'll try to reach you again later. 330 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,175 I know that message and I know that tone. 331 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,778 Every one of my sisters got that message 332 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,446 junior year in high school... you're pregnant! 333 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,470 What? No! 334 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,141 Really? All right. 335 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,517 Prenatal vitamins. 336 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,169 Yeah, I know what "prenatal" means. 337 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,521 Pre, "before." Natal, "ruined." 338 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:34,230 Oh, my god. 339 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,857 All right, first things first. 340 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,376 We're gonna have this baby at the same hospital 341 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,544 I was born at on coney island. 342 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,028 All right? Oh, my god! 343 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,321 Secondly, if it's a boy, 344 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,590 we're gonna name him morpheus like that guy in the matrix. 345 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:44,824 If it's a girl... ooh, yeah. 346 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,510 I used to boff this chick named Judy, 347 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,243 and I would love to honor her. 348 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,536 Get out of my apartment. 349 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:49,908 Don't talk to me like that. 350 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,307 Morpheus hears everything that you say. 351 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,499 Out! 352 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,668 Your boobs are gonna get bigger. 353 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,213 Hmm. 354 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:03,009 You must have been such a pretty monkey. 355 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,341 What's that, miss Maroney? 356 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,970 It's your personal essay, Kenneth. 357 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,769 Oh, hello. 358 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,812 I didn't see you there. 359 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,316 I was just thinking about my friend, Kenneth Parcell, 360 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,235 and how much he personifies the olympic spirit. 361 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,613 He's involved in charity work. 362 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:24,965 You needed me, miss Maroney? 363 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,240 Yes. 364 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,676 Kenneth, can you take this money 365 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,286 to the many charities I support anonymously? 366 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,372 Of course. 367 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:33,983 Oh, miss Maroney, this is empt... 368 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,968 He knows the importance of physical fitness. 369 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,418 Oh! 370 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,505 I mean, he can lift almost 100 pounds. 371 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:41,797 Shh shh! 372 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,592 ♪ Mind, body, spirit ♪ 373 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:50,473 ♪ Kenneth, I see myself in you ♪ 374 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,600 ♪ so brave ♪ 375 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,894 ♪ so ready ♪ 376 00:14:55,186 --> 00:15:00,108 ♪ to be all that you can do ♪ 377 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,984 ♪ so beautiful ♪ 378 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,195 ♪ in every way ♪ 379 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,449 ♪ I see myself ♪ 380 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,744 ♪ in you ♪ ♪ 381 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,663 Miss Maroney, thank you! 382 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,209 I have 20 minutes. I'm gonna make it! 383 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:25,383 ♪ I see myself ♪ 384 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:26,801 In you. 385 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,597 Oh, Kenneth, someone was looking for you. 386 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,225 They need 12 boxes of copier paper on Stage one. 387 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,880 Whatever we come up with has gotta be wasteful, 388 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,448 embarrassing to the administration, 389 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:49,859 and upsetting to the voters. 390 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,451 Holy smoke! 391 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,244 What have you got? 392 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,745 In 1994, 393 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,831 the Pentagon explored the possibility 394 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,499 of a non-lethal chemical weapon 395 00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,791 that would, quote, 396 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,628 "reduce enemy soldiers combat posture 397 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,964 by making them totally gay-bones for each other." 398 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,466 How gay? 399 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:07,757 It doesn't say. 400 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,802 The project was abandoned in the planning stages. 401 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,220 Of course it was. 402 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,072 It would've been expensive, impractical, 403 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,622 and offensive to both the red states 404 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:15,308 and the gayer Blue states. 405 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,477 This is exactly what we're looking for. 406 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,270 A guaranteed disaster. 407 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:20,980 Like eating a burrito before sex. 408 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,552 But where would we get the money? 409 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,917 No congressman in his right mind 410 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:24,317 would support this. 411 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,569 Don't worry, I've got a friend in congress. 412 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,571 But not your best friend, right? 413 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,074 Yo, Frank. 414 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,743 Oh, my god. Is that... 415 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:34,410 Yes. 416 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,328 It's just the prototype. 417 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:39,207 But I want you to be the first to play it. 418 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,499 Tell me what you think. 419 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,627 This is such an honor. 420 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:43,919 Heh! 421 00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:46,088 I got an "additional filth by" credit. 422 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,341 You earned it. 423 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,270 Good job, Parcell. 424 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,814 Too bad it cost you a trip to China. 425 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,900 Wait a minute. Who's this paper for? 426 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,069 No one! 427 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,655 Looks like you only have 30 seconds 428 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,587 to get your application to the 27th floor. 429 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,784 And you're not gonna make it. 430 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,417 Run, Kenneth, run! 431 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,964 Oh, mommy! 432 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,382 ♪ ♪ 433 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,383 He knows! 434 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,386 Oh, god, call me, Jack! This is a disaster. 435 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,054 This baby's gonna have a father. 436 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,431 Look out! 437 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,102 What? 438 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,148 A gay bomb? 439 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,109 You dragged me out of a meeting for this? 440 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,401 I was gonna meet Bono. 441 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,237 C.C... 442 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,574 Representative Cunningham. We'll keep this professional. 443 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,618 I did certain things for you in bed 444 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,269 that you were going to reciprocate, 445 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,680 but then we broke up before my birthday. 446 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,456 So you owe me. 447 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,228 This could take weeks to get approved. 448 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,209 I'll take my chances. 449 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,313 And that would mean I'd be spending my birthday here, 450 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,546 so... 451 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,883 All right, I will help you get fired. 452 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,093 Yes! I am so on a roll. 453 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:58,346 No crying in my bath tonight. 454 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,107 Hey, Jack, it's Liz. 455 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,443 Um, maybe you're busy spreading democracy 456 00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,487 anyway, give mea call. 457 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,447 Aagh! Things are happening! 458 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,742 Hey, it's Liz Lemon. Funny story 459 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,663 I think I'm pregnant with Dennis Duffy's baby 460 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,207 thought you'd be super proud. 461 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,751 Oh, in a way, it's what I wanted. 462 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,211 Yeah, it's gonna be fine. 463 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,631 He knows! Oh, god, call me, Jack! 464 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,132 This is a disaster. 465 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,301 This baby's gonna have a father! 466 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,512 What..kenneth just did a flip into the elevator! 467 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:43,015 Jack, I've spent the last hour 468 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,767 looking at cribs online. 469 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,059 It's crazy 470 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,496 even with all this Dennis stuff 471 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,563 all I can think about is baby hair 472 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,608 and converting my laundry and newspaper pile 473 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,527 into a nursery 474 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,296 so I don't want you to worry about me, 475 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,072 because, um, I'm happy 476 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,659 Oh, and yes, you hear me eating Sabor de Soledad 477 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,391 'cause I can eat whatever I want now. 478 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,831 Oh, hang on. That's my doctor. 479 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:12,545 Never mind. I am not, um... 480 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,296 Never mind. 481 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,308 Lemon, how are you? It was the cheese curls. 482 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,227 Pardon? Causing the false positives 483 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,438 on my home pregnancy tests. 484 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,817 Apparently, Sabor de Soledad gets its special tangy flavor 485 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:36,610 from evaporated bull semen. 486 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,530 Oh, that explains your hair's thickness and shine. 487 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,022 I guess in Mexico women use it 488 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,367 to stop their periods before Cinco de Mayo. 489 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,819 I'm a little afraid to ask if you're still eating them. 490 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,166 They're so good. 491 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,458 Lemon, I'm sorry 492 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,769 you had to go through this by yourself. 493 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,587 No, it's okay. 494 00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,173 I was actually ready to have Dennis Duffy's baby. 495 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,467 I guess I'm getting to that age 496 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,217 where I don't care what anybody thinks of me. 497 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,844 If you're going to want to get 498 00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,656 a very short haircut, resist that urge. 499 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:06,307 And I know now that I'm definitely ready. 500 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,018 I want to adopt. Are you sure? 501 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:09,810 What about artificial insemination? 502 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,729 No, I can't go to a sperm bank. 503 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,341 The Duffy men use those like atms. 504 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,942 Then, Lemon... 505 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,112 I want to assist you. What? 506 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,156 With an adoption! Oh, good lord, Lemon! 507 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,657 With an adoption. 508 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:24,617 I know a lot of well-connected people. 509 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,995 Okay then, yeah. Help me, thanks. 510 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,287 Um, how was your day? 511 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,538 Oh, it was good. 512 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,583 The president gave me a nickname. 513 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:33,542 The jacker. 514 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,252 Hmm. 515 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:37,046 Yeah. 516 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,219 Gentlemen, I regret to inform you 517 00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,055 that the gay bomb could not be effectively weaponized. 518 00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:49,016 The chemical dissipates harmlessly 519 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,508 in open tactical environments. 520 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,603 And frankly, could only work 521 00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,039 if somehow we could get the enemy 522 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,273 into a closed, unventilated space. 523 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,651 Ooh, pens! 524 00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:03,614 I feel weird. 525 00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:05,658 Let's do this. 526 00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,956 Dude, I played this thing for a couple hours. 527 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,582 It's okay, I guess. 528 00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:15,644 Frank, you've been in your office for three months! 529 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,837 What?! 530 00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,297 Yes, I'm gonna be a billionaire!