1 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,671 Oh, are you sure this is a good idea? 2 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:05,963 What if someone sees us? 3 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,215 Don't worry, it's too early for the creative types. 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,761 And I sent my assistant to a nonexistent Italian bakery 5 00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,053 out in queens. 6 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,335 This is the address he gave me. 7 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:14,848 He never makes mistakes. 8 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,935 I can't go back there without sfogliatelle! 9 00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,454 We can't keep sneaking around, Jack. 10 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,478 It's too dangerous. 11 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,290 I'm trying to get the United States government 12 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,732 to Sue your parent company. 13 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,151 Take off your pantsuit. Right back at ya. 14 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,238 Oh! Workplace! 15 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,365 U-Uh... oh, Lemon, you're here early. 16 00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:32,657 Well, I gave up caffeine, 17 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,103 so I've been going to bed at 5:30. 18 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,410 But I will leave now. 19 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,912 Oh, don't be silly 20 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:39,081 uh, Liz Lemon, I'd like you to meet 21 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,208 a business associate of mine. 22 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,544 Uh, Lakeesha... Gutierrez... 23 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,420 Arafat. 24 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,712 Hi. 25 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,048 Hi. I like your necklace. 26 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,384 Oh, thanks. It's actually a rape whistle. 27 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,010 But the whistle part fell off, 28 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,822 and I just liked how it looked, so I... 29 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,597 Kept it. 30 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,224 I will leave you to it. 31 00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:59,268 It being business. Of course. 32 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,603 I call the movie risky business risky "it" 33 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,357 because "it" means business. 34 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,775 Lemon out. 35 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:19,371 ♪ ♪ 36 00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,475 Hey! Take that off. You didn't go to Harvard. 37 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,843 I went to Harvard. 38 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,803 I did standup there this weekend. 39 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,095 Very funny. 40 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,640 You were not graduated from that institution. 41 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,310 Well, I got a squeezer from an Indian girl on a bunk bed. 42 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,354 So I think I got the full Harvard experience. 43 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,440 That does sound pretty accurate. 44 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:48,612 You're just trying to get a rise out of me, sir. 45 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:49,443 And you do not 46 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,820 wanna make a Harvard man angry. 47 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:55,949 Lemon. 48 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,701 Hey, Jack. What's up? 49 00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,596 That woman you met this morning in my office 50 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,330 is nota colleague of mine. 51 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,622 We are lovers. 52 00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,166 Ooh. That word bums me out 53 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,627 unless it's between the words meat and pizza. 54 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,755 Her name is C.C., which stands for Celeste Cunningham. 55 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:12,424 Wait! Isn't she that congresswoman that's... 56 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,343 Trying to destroy this company 57 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,315 for allegedly turning some children orange. 58 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,640 Yes. And therein lies the dilemma. 59 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:23,352 This corporation has a very strict bros before hos policy. 60 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,872 Wow. So you must really have some serious feelings for her. 61 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,915 Okay, if I can't say lovers, you can't say feelings. 62 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:29,608 But, yes, it is serious. 63 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,234 And, in spite of everything, 64 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,006 I want her to meet some of my friends. 65 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,553 So I'm going to hold a dinner party, 66 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:35,322 and I would like you to come. 67 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,094 Oh, that's very nice. Thank you, Jack. 68 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,326 I just want you to be discreet. 69 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,412 And try not to dress like a small-town lesbian. 70 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,998 Well, Lemon, that was a good chat. 71 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,627 Good luck with that, uh, alopecia problem of yours. 72 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,296 Aw, come on! 73 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,007 I don't have that. Very hairy. 74 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,552 Sorry I'm late. 75 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,044 I'll take one of those. Sorry. 76 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,639 Hey, guys, good news. We won an award. 77 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:01,931 We did? 78 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:02,974 Well, I did. 79 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,426 Do you remember when I filmed 80 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,995 that movie version of the mystic pizza musical? 81 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,312 Do I! I don't. 82 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,315 Well, the NY city critics association 83 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:11,608 just sent me this... 84 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:12,484 "Best actress in a movie 85 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,736 based on a musical based on a movie." 86 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,488 Hey, that's great! 87 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,448 Okay, enough! 88 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,410 How long are we gonna talk about this stupid award? 89 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,462 We have more important things to worry about, 90 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,705 like where are the French fries I did not ask for? 91 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,542 You guys need to anticipate me! 92 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,502 Okay, forget it. 93 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,295 I can't rehearse today. 94 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,880 Oh... 95 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,842 It's gonna be one of those weeks. 96 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,414 Oh, no, I talked to him last time 97 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,929 when he wanted to change his name to wise greasy bastard. 98 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,221 Fine. 99 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,683 Oh, monsters, why did I create you? 100 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,770 Okay, Tracy. What's wrong? 101 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,313 It's not fair, Liz Lemon. 102 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:51,765 Everybody wins awards but me. 103 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,067 Even Shaquille O'Neal got a kid's choice a ward 104 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,599 for that animated movie we did. 105 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,029 Boy, I hope we rescue the starfish King 106 00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,321 on this adventure. 107 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,991 It'll be a slam dunk. 108 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,034 Would you call what we did last night sex? 109 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,206 I spent two days making that movie for my homey. 110 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,328 What did I get? 111 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:07,932 A million dollars, a yellow Bentley, 112 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,623 and nothing. 113 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,584 I never win anything. 114 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:11,876 Look at this coffee cup 115 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,337 my kids got me for father's day. 116 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,629 I'm a failure, Liz Lemon. 117 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,132 Maybe I should just give up 118 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,360 and try this crystal meth I've been hearing so much about. 119 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,864 No, no, no! You don't have to do that. 120 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430 You won an award! Did I not tell you? 121 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,140 Come on, Lemon. 122 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,309 Yes! You are getting... 123 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,854 A... lifetime achievement award 124 00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,024 from the... pacific rim emmys. 125 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,316 Pacific rim? 126 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,527 I love the pacific rim. 127 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,697 I spent nine months in Japan shooting samurai I am-urari. 128 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,533 I fell in love with their culture, especially sharking. 129 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:44,825 What's sharking? 130 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,711 It's when you run up on a lady on the streets 131 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,107 and pull her tube top down while your friend videotapes it. 132 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,375 It's considered a crime here. Thanks a lot, puritans. 133 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,295 Right. So are you ready to hit some rehearsal? 134 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,588 Hell, yeah! 135 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,424 I do not want to disappoint my Japanese public. 136 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,676 Especially Godzilla. 137 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,220 Ha ha ha! I'm just kidding. 138 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,597 I know he doesn't care what humans do. 139 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,558 All right, I'll see you out there, winner. 140 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:09,850 He's fine. 141 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,103 I just need you to make him a pacific rim Emmy. 142 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,715 Props has an old basketball trophy 143 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,124 we could solder some wings onto. 144 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,566 I love it. 145 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,069 It is unbelievable the lengths you go to 146 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,361 to keep that guy happy. 147 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:21,612 I know. 148 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,049 I don't get that kind of treatment. 149 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,433 I don't have to treat you that way, 150 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,344 because you're the sane one... you're my rock. 151 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,620 It is amazing how grounded I've been able to stay 152 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:29,912 despite my celebri-tay. 153 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,417 'Sup, dude? 154 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,545 I went to Harvard. 155 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:37,837 I lived in lowell house 156 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,590 and was a member of the signet society. 157 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,593 If you were actually a member of the signet society, 158 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,637 you would be wearing this pin. 159 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,556 Oh. You mean... 160 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,848 This pin? 161 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,601 Ha ha! Your lame thing is on his pants. 162 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,479 Hey, Liz Lemon, when am I leaving for Japan? 163 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,332 'Cause I have to arrange for a snake nanny. 164 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,525 Oh, I didn't think you were actually gonna go to Japan. 165 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,402 I mean, the award ceremony is tonight, 166 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,974 so I told them to mail it to you. 167 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,530 No! I told my kids 168 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,424 they could come see their dad get an award. 169 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,784 So it has to at least be live via satellite. 170 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,328 Ah, yeah, but it's a really big time difference. 171 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,764 It'll be like 4:00 in the morning here. 172 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,165 Perfect! Just when I get back from maiden voyage, 173 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,626 Newark's first offshore gentleman's barge. 174 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:17,544 I'm gonna get the kids, 175 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,337 and we coming straight here. 176 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,423 Uh... okay. 177 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,716 I'll... set that up. 178 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,551 Really? You're gonna do that? 179 00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,612 Liz Lemon know who keeps the lights on around here. 180 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,014 But I couldn't do it without my background players. 181 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,683 That's why I want you and Josh to be there for my award. 182 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,060 And then afterwards, maybe I let you hold it. 183 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,396 Then you can check out my award. 184 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:37,731 Ha ha ha ha! 185 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,608 Banter! 186 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,110 I'm sorry. He's an idiot. 187 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,402 No, don't blame him. 188 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,530 You're the one who rewards his bad behavior. 189 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,532 You give him anything he wants. 190 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,576 Me, I can't even get a real exterminator 191 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,745 to get that squirrel out of my dressing room. 192 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,205 No. No, don't move like that. 193 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,709 Ow! 194 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,656 Good evening. May I take your coat? 195 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,049 Uh, yes, thank you. 196 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,425 I'm sorry I'm late. 197 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,069 The other guests have already arrived 198 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,595 and are in the dining room. 199 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,556 Oh, hi, Liz. 200 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:12,974 Lemon! 201 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,314 Is this... everyone? 202 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,358 Well, we had a longer invite list, 203 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,377 but we thought, for the sake of discretion... 204 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,401 We had to eliminate 205 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:27,197 anybody with any influence or connections or stature, 206 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:28,649 so that pretty much left you. 207 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,698 And then we added Kenneth 208 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,743 so you would have somebody to talk to. 209 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,035 Ahem. 210 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,163 "What's your favorite pizza topping?" 211 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,957 Mine's plain. But I like others. 212 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,416 I have to say 213 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,878 you are the most beautiful woman in this room right now. 214 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,548 Liz, "tell me a painful story about your teenage years." 215 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,308 Okay, let's fake this candle. 216 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,267 Okay. 217 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,645 Okay, Tracy, they are ready 218 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,230 for your acceptance speech 219 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,566 in 3, 2, 220 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:04,858 1. 221 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,612 People of pacific rim, how you feel? 222 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,280 All right! 223 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:10,740 I'd like to thank my wife, 224 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,285 my two sons, Tracy Jr., and George foreman, 225 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,621 this Josh dude, 226 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,289 Liz Lemon, 227 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,418 uh... baldheaded Pete for setting up the satellite, 228 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:26,464 and of course, a very special blonde lady. 229 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,596 Shelly long, you're truly an inspiration to me! 230 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,633 I know that! 231 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,261 And finally, I'd like to thank you, 232 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:34,097 pacific rimmers, for all that you've given us. 233 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,057 Karaoke, karate, 234 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,518 and most of all... 235 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,812 Wanizame a takku! 236 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,313 Shark attack! 237 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,484 Okay, so you got sharked. 238 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,776 That's not great. 239 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:48,987 I'm so humiliated. 240 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,614 How could Tracy not thank me? What? 241 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,825 I drag myself out of bed at 4:00 in the morning, 242 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,477 go home, get dressed, come in here, 243 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,412 and he doesn't even mention my name? 244 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,289 Jenna, the whole thing is fake. 245 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,999 Yeah, but he thought it was real. 246 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,251 Listen, I'm sorry. Tonight was crazy. 247 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,462 But I did hear the janitor saying 248 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:06,874 that your boobs looked good. 249 00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,090 I don't want to hear it, Liz. 250 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,426 Apparently, the only way to get respect around here 251 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,761 is to act like Tracy. 252 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,263 And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 253 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,390 Now, please, get out of my dressing room 254 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,762 so I can lock myself in it. 255 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,393 Oh... 256 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,522 Aah! The squirrel! 257 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,941 It's not afraid of people! 258 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,531 Oh, hi, C.C. are you looking for Jack? 259 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,575 No, actually, I was hoping to talk to you. 260 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,160 I hope you had fun last night. 261 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,119 I did. 262 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,331 Boy, you and Jack make a hell of a celebrity team. 263 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,458 This is that chick who... Venus Williams. 264 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,126 Remember that time you fell asleep? 265 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,418 Captain beefheart. 266 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,421 It's like we share a brain. 267 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,153 I'm sorry you got stuck with Kenneth. 268 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,301 Okay. This is not a character from a television program. 269 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,095 Okay, this is not 270 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,466 a character from the Bible. 271 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,306 Uh... pass. 272 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,225 You can't pass, you hillbilly. 273 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,643 No, I'm sorry. 274 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,187 I don't normally slap people. 275 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,147 Liz, I hate to put you on the spot, 276 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,584 but you know that I can't talk to any of my friends about Jack. 277 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,110 We can't keep sneaking around. 278 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,486 This is getting ridiculous. 279 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,115 I'm-a... the plumber. 280 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,200 I'm here-a to fix-a the washing machine. 281 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,160 Come right in, Mr. Spunatelli. 282 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,037 If Jack and I are gonna stay together, 283 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,289 one of us has got to give something up. 284 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,958 I just... I mean, is Jack worth it? 285 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,459 What would you do? 286 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:27,335 Oh, I don't think you want 287 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,129 to take advice from me on this. 288 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,880 I mean, I ate a three musketeers bar 289 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,298 for breakfast this morning, 290 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,430 and this bra is held together with tape, but... 291 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,635 Oh, Liz, please. 292 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,179 Oh... well, Jack is great. 293 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,014 And he's crazy about you. 294 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,392 But have you ever compromised for a man before? 295 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,768 No. 296 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,979 Me either. 297 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,148 Oh, god, it was my birthday yesterday. 298 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,816 Aw... 299 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:52,944 I'm gonna talk to Jack. 300 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,155 Yeah, I think you should. 301 00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:56,614 Ow. 302 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,122 Hey, guys, it's me, Frank. 303 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,623 Oh, no! Escalation! 304 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,184 Okay, that hat's not cool, jackass. 305 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,210 My mom's a great lady. 306 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,796 Oh, was it her greatness that made your dad leave? 307 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,088 Ho ho! Oh! 308 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,256 He didn't leave. 309 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,426 He's a submarine commander running silent. 310 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,118 Let's watch this instead of working. 311 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,344 Take off that costume. 312 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,556 Take off yours! Never. 313 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,314 C.C., what are you doing here? 314 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:33,067 Jack, I convinced the Sheinhardt wig plaintiffs to settle. 315 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,212 That's fantastic news. What did they end up getting? 316 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,236 5 million each. 317 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,323 5 million... each. 318 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,159 That's... NBA sexual assault money. 319 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,076 They deserved more. 320 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,871 The point is, now you and I can go public. 321 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,831 We don't have to sneak around anymore. 322 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,209 Slow down, C.C. it's not that simple. 323 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,794 Well, what do you mean? 324 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,366 I'm still up for a big promotion. 325 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:55,340 My colleagues still revile you. 326 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,508 But maybe in a year or so, we could reassess. 327 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,136 Don't you understand what I have given up for you? 328 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,139 Those little orange children deserved their day in court. 329 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,807 They got 5 million. Each. 330 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,517 But they deserved to be heard, Jack. 331 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,129 And I was ready to speak for them. 332 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,896 We were going to go on Oprah. 333 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,588 Oh, so this is not about those kids. 334 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,316 It's about you getting some publicity 335 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,044 to get a leg up on your political career. 336 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,237 I'm not going to apologize for being ambitious, Jack. 337 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,528 Well, you shouldn't. 338 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,007 I like when a woman has ambition. 339 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,551 It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes. 340 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,381 I was willing to give all that up for you. 341 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,456 But you're obviously not willing to do the same. 342 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,620 I just need more time. 343 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,266 I should never have listened to a woman 344 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,624 who tapes her bra together. 345 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,334 Lemon. 346 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,419 Don't worry, Jack. 347 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,798 I will sneak out through the freight elevator 348 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,090 like I always do. 349 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,216 I won't embarrass you. 350 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,349 Everybody looks good in a Sheinhardt. 351 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,312 Something's going down with Jenna. 352 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,272 She told an NBC tour 353 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,163 that she was gonna get them all pregnant. 354 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,109 So now I have two Tracys... perfect. 355 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,486 Will you trade jobs with me? 356 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,197 Okay. But Jenna wants this done a specific way. 357 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,533 She's in her dressing room. 358 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:06,035 Godspeed, Liz Lemon. 359 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,038 Liz, we have a serious crisis. 360 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,790 We're mad at each other... 361 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,442 What? No. I have legitimate problems to deal with right now. 362 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,753 But the toofer/frank rivalry has finally exploded. 363 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,714 No one cares. Move, you're blocking me. 364 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,882 I'm trying to get somewhere real. 365 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,720 Um, hi. Is Jenna in there? 366 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,680 Bitch, are you in here? 367 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:26,972 Mm-hmm. 368 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,352 Jenna, why are you not at rehearsal? 369 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,730 My entourage says I look tired. 370 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,022 I'm Sasha. 371 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,817 This is patrice and master alexei. 372 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,569 And your name 373 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,571 I probably something like... 374 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:42,947 Melissa. 375 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,657 Okay. I get it. Fine. 376 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,677 What do I need to do to make you feel appreciated 377 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,702 and get them out of here? 378 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,079 Too late. You had your chance. 379 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,914 Ooh, Melissa! Pick up your face, girl. 380 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,416 I'm going to get 381 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,959 my eyeballs whitened. 382 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,961 I'll be back in a couple of hours. 383 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,339 If I feel like it. 384 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,507 What? No! We have work to do. 385 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:02,799 This is what you get 386 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,403 for taking me for granted all this time. 387 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,427 Deal with that. 388 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,637 Oh, Melissa! 389 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,014 Your face is on the phone. 390 00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:09,390 Soccer practice is over, 391 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,559 and you need... to pick it up! 392 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,936 All right, that's a pretty good burn, patrice. 393 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,510 Well, Lemon, I hope you're happy. 394 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,690 I'm not. Why? 395 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,181 C.C. is demanding that we go public with our relationship, 396 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:21,986 which is impossible, 397 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,654 and you put the idea in her head. 398 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:24,946 I'm sorry, Jack. 399 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,071 You know, I'm just saying what everybody's thinking. 400 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,844 You just don't understand what I'm going through. 401 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,412 Nobody understands what I'm going through. 402 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,956 I'll take the next one, Carville. 403 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,542 Uh, actually... 404 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,003 Have you got a minute? 405 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,757 How do you and Mary Matalin make it work? 406 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,386 I mean, she's a brilliant patriotic republican strategist, 407 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,757 and you... let's face it... 408 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,806 Are a pinko nut job. 409 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,178 You know, Mary and I proved 410 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,789 that true love can weather any storm. 411 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:53,934 Even desert storm. 412 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,853 But if it's the opinion of your peers 413 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,185 that you're worried about, 414 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,874 you need to get out in front of the story... 415 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,441 "Cajun style." 416 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,276 Break the news on your own terms, 417 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,986 before your enemies find out. 418 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,738 Cajun style. 419 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,350 Dating a Democratic congresswoman? 420 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,742 These guys will destroy me for this. 421 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,474 Jack, is it really the opinion of others that you worry about, 422 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,039 or are you learning something new about yourself, 423 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,666 and you find that a little scary? 424 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,045 Cajun style. 425 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,215 What are we gonna do? 426 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,676 If we give up our feud now, we'll be ridiculed. 427 00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,168 Remember when Lutz cried during that diamond commercial? 428 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,471 It'll be worse than that. 429 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,116 Oh, but I can't keep dressing like you. 430 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,808 The new yorker festival is next week. 431 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,685 We're trapped in a political minefield. 432 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,645 How are we gonna get out of it? 433 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,697 You boys need to change your story 434 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,150 like Karl rove did in the last election 435 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,694 when he made it about gay folks and swift boats. 436 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,988 What's your swift boat? 437 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,698 You didn't hear this from me, 438 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,200 but Josh is starting to do something new with his hair. 439 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:52,702 Are you James Carville? 440 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,872 Drop me an email and let me know how it goes. 441 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,044 Trying to steal candy from a vending machine? 442 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,423 Let me show you how it's done. 443 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,259 Cajun style. 444 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,844 Excuse me. 445 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,256 What office should I put miss Maroney's new writer in? 446 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,764 What? No! 447 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,496 Who said this guy gets an office? No! 448 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,646 You let Jenna take off in the middle of the day? 449 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:18,853 If she gets to do that, 450 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,105 then I'm doing this week's show as my altar ego... 451 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,524 Professor Cosmotosis. 452 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,526 Oh! Where is Jenna? 453 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:27,903 I'm gonna take a nap. 454 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,989 Wake me up if Andy dick calls. 455 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,285 Is this fun for you, being difficult? 456 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,555 Oh, it is... I should have been doing it the whole time. 457 00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,659 You have been, Jenna. You have always been difficult. 458 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,667 You think Tracy gets special treatment? 459 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,503 I don't think. I know. 460 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,838 Uh-huh. Well, I coddle the crap out of you too. 461 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,091 Your online fan club.. That's me. 462 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,968 I made Frank set that up as a punishment 463 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,512 after he farted in my chair. 464 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,431 And when you did that morning radio show the other week? 465 00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,850 Every caller was me. 466 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,342 I am loving all of your characters. 467 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,021 Thanks for calling, Sanjay 468 00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,232 I really believe in Karma. 469 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,067 And this award you just got... 470 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,820 It's a cookie. 471 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,280 Ooh! Ca-runch! 472 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,698 I don't wanna do this stuff, 473 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,742 but I have to because you're so insecure, 474 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,286 you get jealous of babies for their soft skin. 475 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,038 And how much attention they get. 476 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,540 I have lost years of my life 477 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,708 taking care of you. 478 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:23,709 I lie awake at night 479 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,128 wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring. 480 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,089 I don't sleep. I don't ea t right. 481 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,508 Thanks to you and Tracy Jordan... mostly you. 482 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,800 Oh, Liz. 483 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,053 That's all I wanted to hear. 484 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,181 I'll be onstage in ten. 485 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,553 And I'll wait till tomorrow 486 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,283 to talk about you firing melon ball lady. 487 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,978 All right. 488 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,689 Not in front of the gays. 489 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,908 Hey, look who bailed on their lame feud. 490 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,072 Hey, what's up with Josh's new haircut? 491 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,157 Yeah, dude, you got a frohawk, man. 492 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,201 What do you think, you're better than us? 493 00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:58,786 No, I don't. 494 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,478 I got a new nickname for Josh. 495 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,872 Dr. Haircut. 496 00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,185 It's not even my normal barber. 497 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,502 My mom did it. 498 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,546 Dr. Haircut! 499 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:10,506 Dr. Haircut! 500 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,258 Doctor... Dr. Haircut! 501 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,510 Haircut! 502 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,345 Are you gonna cry? 503 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,517 Here's your John legend cd. 504 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,090 I don't know why it was so urgent you have it before noon. 505 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,785 It was just an excuse. Have lunch with me. 506 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,063 Jack, I... 507 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,386 I feel badly about what happened. 508 00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,735 But I have a plan. 509 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,027 Do you trust me? 510 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,696 Oh, god. I don't know. 511 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,948 I'm 43, 512 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,992 and you have great hair. 513 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,494 I can let this play out a little longer. 514 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,288 Then come with me. 515 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,419 Jack, this is your executive dining room. 516 00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,713 Are you trying to get me killed? 517 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,091 C.C., these people are my peers, my heroes, 518 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,927 my past and future secret santas. 519 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,971 Their approval is the most important thing 520 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,431 in the world to me... 521 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,059 Or... so I thought. 522 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:09,940 Gentlemen, 523 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,442 token ladies, 524 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,402 I have an important announcement. 525 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,655 Some of you may or may not recognize 526 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,698 the woman standing beside me. 527 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,700 Her name is Celeste Cunningham, 528 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,827 and she is a Democratic congresswoman... 529 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,580 From the state of Vermont. 530 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,333 And she is my lover. 531 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,293 That's right. 532 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,672 She's my liberal hippy-dippy mama. 533 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,799 My groovy chick, my old lady. 534 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,593 She was our chief adversary 535 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:38,904 during the Sheinhardt wig hearings. 536 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,930 She wants to tax us all to death 537 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,766 and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. 538 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,644 But I think what we have is special. 539 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,521 And I'm proud of her. 540 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,399 And I'm not going to hide it any longer. 541 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,901 I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it... 542 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,278 And this is my woman. 543 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,120 I... gave to NPR last year. 544 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:09,083 My children go to public school. 545 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,375 Oh! Oh! 546 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,254 I'm gay. 547 00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,755 I'm black. 548 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,048 Oh! Oh! 549 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,842 Oh, Jack, thank you so much! 550 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,303 And I just want you to know that in 1984 551 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,848 I voted for Ronald Reagan. 552 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,483 I murdered my wife.