1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,964 Attention, all. Attention, all. 2 00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,067 It is with great pleasure I would like to announce 3 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,676 that the recipient of this year's... 4 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,930 Ge followship award is none other 5 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:14,222 than our very own... 6 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,516 Liz Lemon. 7 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,620 Wait, how could Liz win a fellowship award? 8 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,770 She doesn't like people. 9 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,480 No, followship. 10 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:22,856 Presented annually 11 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,067 to the woman... sorry, person, 12 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,860 who best exemplifies a follower. 13 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,320 I'm not a follower. 14 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:29,772 It also comes with ten grand. 15 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:31,061 I accept this proudly on behalf 16 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,408 of followers everywhere. 17 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,327 When I think of the free spirited 18 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:36,939 Liz Lemon I met just one year ago. 19 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,872 So resistant to product integration, 20 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,624 cross-promotion, and adverlingus. 21 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,626 It pleases me to see how well she's learned 22 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:43,918 to follow. 23 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,129 Uh, is this because of that ge sketch? 24 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:48,048 He has a microwave for a head! 25 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,384 But it's such an excellent ge microwave. 26 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,427 You said I didn't have a choice. 27 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,821 So what are you gonna do with your money, 28 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:54,888 put it into a 401K? 29 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,366 Yeah, I gotta get one of those. 30 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,390 What? 31 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,142 Where do you invest your money, Liz? 32 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,395 I have, like, 12 grand in checking. 33 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,480 Are you an immigrant? 34 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,317 Ms. Moroney! 35 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,295 I can't believe how fast you lost the weight. 36 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,779 If I can't be Monique fat, 37 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,090 I have to be Teri hatcher thin. 38 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:15,117 Either way, you're laughin'. 39 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,743 Oh. Oh, no! 40 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,035 My uniform! 41 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,120 Oh, sorry. 42 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,539 Let me get that off. 43 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,499 Turn around. 44 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,191 It just needs a little bit of water. 45 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:27,713 Ah! 46 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,339 Aaah! 47 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,049 Oh, god, it hurts! 48 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:42,144 ♪ ♪ 49 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,339 You're honestly telling me you don't know 50 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,363 who Rosemary Howard is. 51 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,467 Is she one of the ladies who tried to shoot Gerald Ford? 52 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:57,491 No! 53 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,453 She's the first female writer for laugh-in. 54 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,538 She wrote all the political stuff 55 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:02,831 for Donnie and Marie. 56 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:06,918 I grew up idolizing her comedy. 57 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:11,423 Pardon me. Pardon me. 58 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,424 Pardon me! 59 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,842 Pardon you? 60 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,262 You were already pardoned! 61 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,057 It's funny 'cause it's true. 62 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,951 Hi, I don't wanna sound like a weirdo fan, 63 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,061 but I am obsessed with everything 64 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,520 you have ever done. 65 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,147 And I used to make my friends 66 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,149 act out your skits the next day. 67 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,441 When I mean my friends, 68 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,525 I mean my Fisher Price... 69 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:32,735 My friend dolls. 70 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:36,073 Because I didn't have a lot of friends. 71 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,485 Oh, boy. Am I still talking? 72 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,618 You're gonna kill me, aren't you? 73 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,036 Not, that's... that's great. 74 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,372 Oh, you are great! 75 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,083 I grew up wanting to be you. 76 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,543 I grew up wanting to be Samantha Stevens on bewitched. 77 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,128 Closest I got 78 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,881 was being married to a gay guy for two years. 79 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,925 Oh, thank you. 80 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,552 Um, you are my heroine. 81 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,388 And by heroine, I mean lady hero. 82 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,598 I don't wanna inject you and listen to jazz. 83 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:02,891 Good lord. 84 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,351 Are you hungry? 85 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:05,977 Always. 86 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,069 Well, I'm gonna let you take me to lunch later 87 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,630 and get all this out of your system. 88 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,982 That would be great. 89 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,401 I would love that. 90 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,153 But you're supposed to take me hat shopping. 91 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,030 Hey Jack! 92 00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,448 Could you hold on a second? 93 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,992 If you desecrate something, is that bad? 94 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,369 Tracy, what happened now? 95 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,287 I doubt if anybody noticed. 96 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:29,167 ♪ Who brought stars and Bright stars ♪ 97 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:35,590 ♪ to the party last night ♪ 98 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,761 ♪ for the rascals we fought ♪ 99 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,013 Who would have ever known there was so many words? 100 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,141 It was like a mos def cd. 101 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,475 Tracy, it's all right. 102 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,607 You're a star, you can do whatever you want to. 103 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,020 That's your job. 104 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,772 It's our job to make it go away. 105 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,607 I love this country. 106 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,151 You go forth and be crazy. 107 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,944 I think I can manage that. 108 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,296 You do anything you wanna do. 109 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,655 Except no dog fighting, okay? 110 00:03:58,947 --> 00:03:59,614 That seems to be the one thing 111 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,066 that's off limits these days. 112 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,583 What's on your mind, tray? 113 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,555 You've been curiously quiet for 20 minutes. 114 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,962 We gotta start doing dog fights. 115 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,547 Dog fighting? 116 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,799 I know it's repulsive and hideous. 117 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,676 But it's the only thing Jack Donaghy 118 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,136 told me I cannot do. 119 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,679 So I gotta do it! 120 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:23,680 Understand? 121 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,348 No no no no no no no! 122 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,267 Dog fighting is the most disgusting 123 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,603 vile thing a human being can do. 124 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,146 You cannot do it! 125 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,191 Dog fighting it is. Make it happen. 126 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,862 Man, this is Phil spector's entourage 127 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,698 all over again. 128 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,201 And his foot lingered. 129 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:45,994 Ah, that is such an upsetting story. 130 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,706 I'll never watch happy da ys the same way again. 131 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,208 But you know, I miss live TV. 132 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,251 It's like sex, you know? 133 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:54,544 It's almost better 134 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,172 when everything goes horribly wrong. 135 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,468 Well, you know, we do hire guest writers 136 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760 every now and then. 137 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:03,470 I mean, I don't know if that's... 138 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,323 Something you would ever be interested in. 139 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,014 That'd be great. 140 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,016 God, I haven't been in that building 141 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:08,975 in so long. 142 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,977 Does everyone still do blow 143 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,146 in Joe Garagiola's office? 144 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,315 Which one is blow again? Is that cocaine? 145 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,737 Hello? Where's the head page? 146 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,414 You may enter. 147 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:34,501 You're a machine. 148 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,628 No, I wish. 149 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,589 This is a prop from the classic NBC series 150 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:40,924 supercomputer. 151 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,802 1975 to 1975. 152 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,971 Look, you obviously know who I am. 153 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,063 But what you don't know is that I accidentally 154 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,659 damaged Kenneth Parcell's page jacket and... 155 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,683 Shh shh. 156 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,809 Really? 157 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,937 Mr. Perfect, Mr. Jesus loves me Parcell 158 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,230 finally messed up? 159 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,999 Do you know how long I've been waiting 160 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,733 to transfer that thumbhead to cnbc 161 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,025 in paramus, New Jersey? 162 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,195 But you can't transfer someone without a demerit. 163 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,488 But now... oh, boy. 164 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407 Here's what we're gonna do. 165 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,367 You've probably never seen breasts before. 166 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:10,203 So I'm gonna lean over this desk 167 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:13,874 and you're gonna give me a new page jacket. 168 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,001 Please, I breast fed 'til I was 11. 169 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,086 So I've forgotten more about a woman's chest 170 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,796 than you'll ever know. 171 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,424 But... I'm on TV. 172 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,758 I said, "good day." 173 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,050 No, you didn't. 174 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,220 Well, I meant to. 175 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,722 Kenneth Parcell is finished. 176 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,641 Finished! 177 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,689 All right, what's in the news this week, everybody? 178 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:38,981 Any ideas? 179 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,066 I have an idea. 180 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,485 We open on a new Orleans abortion clinic. 181 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,654 A beautiful mulatto... 182 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,365 Uh, I don't think we're allowed to use any of those words. 183 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,409 Why not? It's live television. 184 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,244 I mean, we used to say 185 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,288 And. 186 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,123 No, you didn't. 187 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:55,957 Did you? We did. 188 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,542 We pushed the envelope. 189 00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:58,834 Remember... 190 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,088 The mailbox sketch that shocked america? 191 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,217 There's nothing wrong here. 192 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,348 Don't you get it? 193 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,640 The mailbox 194 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,143 was haldeman. 195 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,515 Is that a person who lived? 196 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,563 What about race? 197 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,940 I mean, I say 198 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,316 that is the last taboo. 199 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,735 We get Josh in blackface, right? 200 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:27,280 And then we get Tracy to call him a! 201 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,033 I'd watch that. 202 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,661 No no, you can't do race stuff on TV. 203 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,496 It's too sensitive. 204 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,123 We would have done that on the Mandrell sisters! 205 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,042 Look, I want the show to be edgy too. 206 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,294 I mean, but my boss, Jack Donaghy... 207 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,214 Let me talk to him. I am great with suits. 208 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,341 No, we don't talk to him. 209 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:50,345 Liz, you're not a cog in their machine. 210 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,848 I know. I'm not some... follower. 211 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,141 I have to... 212 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,936 We are very subversive on this show. 213 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,896 Frank, what do you have this week? 214 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,398 Uh, Barry the humping dog 215 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,733 is shopping for a ge washer and dryer. 216 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,527 Have not seen that before. 217 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,613 Sharp idea. 218 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,783 Yo, I got the dogs outside. 219 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,075 Well, bring them in! 220 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,263 I feel sick to my stomach about dog fighting. 221 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,087 But what can you do when they tell you not to? 222 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,751 This could get ugly. 223 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,253 What? 224 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,755 No! You idiots! 225 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,298 I built a dog fighting pit 226 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,050 in my basement for this? 227 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,427 Tracy. 228 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:31,386 Can I speak with you 229 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,638 privately? 230 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,564 Tray, what's the one thing I asked you not to do? 231 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,567 That 227 movie new jackee city? 232 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,568 Dog fighting! 233 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,111 What is it about your wiring 234 00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,739 that compels you to do exactly what 235 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,657 you're asked not to? 236 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,118 I don't know. Always been this way. 237 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,746 Tracy, don't play with matches! 238 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,122 You're not my dad! 239 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:00,433 Tracy, don't stare directly at the sun. 240 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,457 It'll make you crazy. 241 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,917 You're not my dad. 242 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:03,918 Tracy, you're not going out the house 243 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:04,753 dressed like that. 244 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,755 You're not my dad. 245 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,357 I'm beginning to think this has something to do 246 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,381 with your dad. 247 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,009 You're not my dad! 248 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,512 You can't tell me what it's about. 249 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,576 Hey, props gave me a bunch of dog penises 250 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,600 for you to look at. 251 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,561 Oh, great, thanks. 252 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,480 Liz! 253 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:24,397 Your grandmother is in Jack's office. 254 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,356 You better do something. 255 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,900 Nana Lemon? That's weird. 256 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,278 Oh. Oh, no. Rosemary. 257 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,469 Lemon, Rosemary here was just telling me 258 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,287 some of her fantastic sketch ideas. 259 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,039 Liz, he totally gets it. 260 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:41,915 He understands 261 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,750 that what we do is far more important 262 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,376 than what they do. 263 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,087 I do. I really do get it. 264 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:47,921 Rosemary, thank you so very much. 265 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,213 Oh, no, my pleasure. 266 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,464 What a pleasure. 267 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,966 What fun catching up with you. 268 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,338 You too. You take care now. 269 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,426 You too. 270 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,263 Fire her. 271 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,308 And don't ever make me talk to a woman that old again. 272 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,935 I can't fire Rosemary. 273 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,478 Yes, you can. It's easy. 274 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,770 Observe. 275 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:05,897 Jonathan, you're fired! 276 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,941 What? No! 277 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,233 God, no! 278 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,569 No, I won't fire her. It's mean. 279 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,071 And I like her. 280 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,448 And she's right, we should be pushing the envelope. 281 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,158 Oh, god. Push the envelope. 282 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,650 You know who uses that phrase? 283 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,870 People who don't have the guts or the brains 284 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,497 to work inside the system. 285 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,500 Letter writers, radicals, Howard Dean. 286 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,792 You just don't get her. 287 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,419 You're like the talking mailbox. 288 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,471 I'm gonna assume that's a haldeman reference. 289 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,382 In which case, I thank you. 290 00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:34,401 I got into this business to be like Rosemary. 291 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,718 To make people think. 292 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,095 No. No no no, Lemon. 293 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,989 You got into this business because you're funny 294 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,933 and you're weird and you're socially retarded. 295 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,452 And you also got into it because it pays well, 296 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,954 which means you are not like Rosemary; 297 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,979 you are like me. 298 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,522 No, I'm not. You are a suit. 299 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:48,523 You feed off the creativity 300 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,401 and hard work of other people and turn it into 301 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:54,737 commercials and pie charts and triangle graphs. 302 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,072 What's a triangle graph? 303 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,324 I don't know! It sounded real. 304 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,368 This is my show. 305 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,162 No, this is my show. 306 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,079 And once a week I rent it out to the good people 307 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,851 at the erectile dysfunction companies. 308 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:05,956 Be that as it may, 309 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,333 Rosemary is my idol. 310 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,686 And if you wanna get rid of her, 311 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,170 then you will fire me also. 312 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,009 Suck it up, nerd. 313 00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,095 Oh, my god! 314 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,587 Rosemary, that was such a rush 315 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:21,931 standing up to Jack like that. 316 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,826 And I never would have done it if it weren't for you. 317 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,935 I am so proud of you! 318 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,147 He heard you roar and now things are gonna change 319 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,480 around here. 320 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,065 Jack says you're both fired. 321 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,277 Yes! 322 00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,533 Hey tray, whatcha doing? 323 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,202 Just some heavy thinking. 324 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,138 This spotlight is the only place that I could go 325 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:44,787 to get away from it all. 326 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,917 You know, tray, I get this dad thing. 327 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,753 I mean my father belongs in the smiling 328 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,125 Irish bastard hall of fame. 329 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:55,089 And the pent-up, unresolved anger 330 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,842 I have toward him, it still overwhelms me. 331 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,374 You've got to learn to forgive. 332 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,804 But how do I forgive someone that I don't know? 333 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,932 Boy, if I could just talk to him once. 334 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,224 Just once. 335 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,935 Tracy, we're gonna do this together. 336 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,686 You've got to get into therapy. 337 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,189 I don't need therapy. I'm just mentally ill. 338 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,201 Tracy, what if I told you that the one thing 339 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,318 you cannot do is therapy? 340 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:19,322 You're not my dad! We're doing therapy! 341 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,952 All right, thank you. Good-bye. 342 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,995 Kenneth, I may have made a mistake. 343 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,039 I was talking to Donnie... Donnie? 344 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:31,209 Head page Donnie Lawson, the King of Sting? 345 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,669 What did you do? 346 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,396 I was just trying to make things right. 347 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,922 Nice jacket, Parcell. 348 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:36,881 I hope that it 349 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,424 and you will be very... 350 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,219 Unhappy at cnbc for the next year. 351 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,304 Of course, there is one other choice. 352 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,806 A page-off. 353 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:48,935 A page-off? What's that? 354 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,311 It's a savage contest. 355 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,854 Mixing physical stamina 356 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,190 with NBC trivia. 357 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,482 What's a page-off? 358 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,068 Your monkey's pretty stupid. 359 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,988 You wanna page-off? You got it, freak. 360 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,280 Winner take all. 361 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,223 I don't know what kind of corporate mind games 362 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,247 he's playing. 363 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,184 But if Jack thinks I'm crawling back there... 364 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:12,750 Oh, screw him. 365 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,168 Now that you're free, 366 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,878 we can work on something together! 367 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,966 Yeah, we can start our own network called bitch TV! 368 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,302 Or the second idea that we think of. 369 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,953 Look, when we get back to my place, 370 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,596 we start banging out some ideas. 371 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,808 Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. 372 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,393 What neighborhood is this? 373 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,520 Oh, they call it little chechnya. 374 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,022 So gritty and real. 375 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,773 More murders per capita than Detroit. 376 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,319 Try not to write when you're living here. 377 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:40,987 Is that guy carrying a gun? 378 00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:44,949 Yeah, but don't worry. He's not a cop. 379 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,828 Hey, Tracy, this is susanne hawker, 380 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,120 the NBC therapist. 381 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,831 Who's crazier, me or Anne Curry? 382 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,123 Hello, Tracy. 383 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,051 Jack informed me of the talk you had earlier. 384 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,091 And if you don't mind, I'd like to hop right in 385 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,411 and start with some role play. 386 00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,588 Like my wife and I do? 387 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:00,714 Cool. 388 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,550 You be the maid. I want you to scream. 389 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,135 Donaghy, you play the matador. 390 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:05,678 Uh, no, Tracy. 391 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,513 What I want you to do is talk 392 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,057 to that empty chair 393 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,476 as if your father were sitting there, okay? 394 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,437 Man, this is stupid! 395 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,522 Come on, Tracy. We're here to help you. 396 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,816 Uh, Tracy, maybe it will help 397 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,943 if Jack sits in the chair and pretends 398 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,235 to be your father. 399 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:26,783 I wanna talk to you, son. 400 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,202 You sound nothing like my dad. 401 00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:29,952 Well, where is he from? 402 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,954 All I know is he's from funky north Philly. 403 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,873 He worked in a Campbell's soup factory. 404 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,165 And he had a droopy lip 405 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,751 due to an unattended root canal. 406 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,795 I think I can do this. 407 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:40,087 Okay, go. 408 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,756 I'm mad at you, dad. 409 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,067 Hey, dummy! 410 00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,092 I'm mad at you too. 411 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,624 Why you gotta act out that way? 412 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,387 Uh, that's not exactly what I had in... 413 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:48,678 'Cause you left me, dad! 414 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,099 I was young and confused and your moms 415 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,725 didn't want me around no more. 416 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,161 Now, pass me them damn collard Greens! 417 00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:55,353 Is this true, mom? 418 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,900 He gambled away my welfare check. 419 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,860 Woman, I got a mind 420 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,312 to smack you upside the head. 421 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,446 Uh, this is not helpful. 422 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,616 Be me now. 423 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,536 I only act out because I want your love! 424 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:12,828 Dyn-o-mite! 425 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,581 I think we're just doing good times now. 426 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,726 Now do the white dude that my moms left my dad for. 427 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,877 Uh, now, see here, Tracy. 428 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:20,711 It's impolite 429 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,588 to slurp one's soup. 430 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,632 Whoa, no need to resort to ugly stereotypes. 431 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,175 You always gonna be my son. 432 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,636 Tracy, just because I stopped loving your dad, 433 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,197 doesn't mean we stopped loving you. 434 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:31,806 Stop puttin' words in my mouth, woman! 435 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,475 Oye, Papi, Kayate! People are sleeping! 436 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,811 Mind your own damn business, Mrs. Rodriguez! 437 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,938 All right, this is ridiculous. 438 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,190 Lady, just because I'm an ignorant black man. 439 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,482 And you paid me a nickel 440 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,901 to bust up your chifforobe, 441 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,073 doesn't give you the right to call me ridiculous 442 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,489 just 'cause I'm proud of my son. 443 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,243 They got me. 444 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,912 The honkeys shot me. 445 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,999 No, dad! Don't die! 446 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,792 I love you, dad! 447 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,364 I don't wanna dog fight no more! 448 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,338 Tracy, that's it! That's it! 449 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,799 Thank you for showing me there really is love 450 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,217 in my family after all. 451 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,928 And I need to stay the hell away from them. 452 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,890 Donaghy, you're the only family I need, Jackie D. 453 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,975 You got that right, tray. 454 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,747 You know, it's too bad you didn't know 455 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,413 Howard Cosell when you were growing up. 456 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,106 'Cause I had that one in my pocket the whole time. 457 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,653 There we are. 458 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,950 Oh, crapballs! What was that? 459 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,202 Okay, let's find a pen 460 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,914 and start that screenplay 461 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,833 this movie is gonna knock them on their asses. 462 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,294 Right. What's it about? 463 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,796 Women in their 50s join the army 464 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:49,509 and get laid by a bunch of grateful 18 year olds. 465 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,844 Oh, god. Yeah, exactly 466 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,890 I predict opening weekend, a million dollars. 467 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,934 Have you been drinking wine all day? 468 00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,602 Oh, it's heart healthy. 469 00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:00,894 All day? 470 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,065 Oh, come on, Liz. It's the 90s! 471 00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,238 Did an F train just go by your window? 472 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,990 I know that look. 473 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,082 Don't even think about jumping for that train. 474 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,078 You know, I think I should go home 475 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:17,954 before it gets dark. 476 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,373 You can't abandon me, Liz. 477 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,916 You are me. 478 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,793 No, I'm not you. Really? 479 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,003 You pick up guys that are smart and funny. 480 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,297 And they leave you for someone less complicated. 481 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,467 You're never gonna get married, Liz. 482 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,135 You're married to your job. 483 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,930 Oh, my god. I lost my job. 484 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:36,931 You're just like me. 485 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,141 You get up in the morning and smoke weed... 486 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,477 No, I don't. 487 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:42,996 You obsess about the Jamaican man 488 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:43,437 across the hall. 489 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,731 Oh, my god. I lost my job. 490 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:46,732 You wouldn't have a job 491 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,025 if it wasn't for me. 492 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,986 I broke barriers for you. 493 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,071 I really have to go. 494 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,282 I sat around while my junk went bad. 495 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,700 All for you. 496 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,785 I didn't have any kids. 497 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,913 You're my kid! 498 00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,040 You're my kid that never calls! 499 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,041 Yikes. 500 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,751 Help me, Liz Lemon! 501 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,296 You're my only hope! 502 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,674 Okay, which NBC series spun off, 503 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,885 among others, Cosby, Miami Vice, cheers, 504 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,177 and highway to heaven? 505 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,430 Supercomputer! 506 00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,056 Oh, you're gonna do great! 507 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,600 Ready! 508 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,900 Page-off, page-off, 509 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,277 page-off, page-off. 510 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,612 Come on, Kenneth! 511 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:33,903 You can do it! 512 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,201 Hey! 513 00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,370 What the hell is going on down here? 514 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,062 The phones are ringing off the hook, 515 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,832 there's no one seating the Conan audience! 516 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,126 Get to back to work, you morons! 517 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,129 Pete, wait. You don't understand. 518 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,482 I ruined Kenneth's jacket and he needs to get a new one, 519 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,525 but can't have any demerits, 520 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,759 so we have to have a page-off. 521 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,594 What, are you kidding me? 522 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,804 This is a billion dollar company! 523 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,973 Demerits? 524 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,809 Donnie, give Kenneth a damn jacket! 525 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,982 This isn't over between us, Moroney. 526 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,651 You're in it now. 527 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,299 It's finally over, Ms. Moroney. 528 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,323 Yes. 529 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,076 And it's hard to even remember 530 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,411 how it all began. 531 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,084 You burnt my jacket. 532 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:30,920 All right, I need my job back. 533 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,922 But this is not crawling, 534 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,358 this is proud begging, like those kids 535 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,383 that dance on the subway. 536 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,885 Of course you can have your job back, Lemon. 537 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,417 Oh, thank god. It was terrible. 538 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,763 I went to her apartment. 539 00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,473 I don't think she has a toilet. 540 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:44,183 I saw my future, Jack. 541 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,812 Never go with a hippie to a second location. 542 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,689 I can't end up like that. 543 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,649 I have got to make money and save it. 544 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,109 And I have to do that thing 545 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,194 that rich people do where they turn money 546 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,779 into more money. 547 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,131 Can you teach me how to do that? 548 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,907 With my eyes closed. 549 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,243 Oh, good, because I want to send Rosemary 550 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,829 $400 a month for... forever. 551 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,248 You should, that woman is unemployable. 552 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,291 Rosemary says that women become obsolete 553 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,144 in this business when there's no one left 554 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,328 that wants to see them naked. 555 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,978 You make enough money, you can pay people 556 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:14,797 to look at you naked. 557 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:17,633 To the future, Lemon. 558 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:18,925 Oh, and by the way, 559 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:22,096 ge has a problem with the dog penis sketch. 560 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,019 I'll change it. 561 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:34,692 Hey, what about cat penises?