1
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,637
Hey, how was your summer?
2
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,430
Hi, Gary, how was your summer?
3
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,307
Hey, how was your summer?
4
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,392
Hey, Jack, there's my buddy!
5
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,229
Walk with me, Lemon.
6
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,272
Well, you look great.
7
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,043
I can't believe I haven't spoken
to you since your heart attack.
8
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,294
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
9
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,737
Nobody from corporate
knows about my cardiac event,
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,309
and I want to leave it that way.
11
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,405
I'm back, Lemon.
12
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,510
I've had the most productive
summer of my life. Me too.
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,869
All of my summer replacement
shows were big hits.
14
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,622
America's next top pirate,
are you stronger than a dog,
15
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:39,914
MILF island.
16
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:40,957
MILF island?
17
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,253
25 super-hot moms, 50
eighth grade boys, no rules.
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,545
Oh, yeah.
19
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,965
Didn't one of those women
turn out to be a prostitute?
20
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:51,134
That doesn't mean she's
not a wonderful, caring MILF.
21
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,220
Well, uh, I had a
great summer too.
22
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,512
And, um...
23
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,431
Did you... redecorate or...
24
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,268
Sir, I have all the latest
Seinfeldvision promos.
25
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,227
Oh, wonderful!
26
00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,563
What's Seinfeldvision?
27
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,314
Well, I realized that NBC owns
28
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,942
hundreds of hours
of footage of Seinfeld
29
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:10,070
from his massively successful
television series Seinfeld.
30
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:13,156
So my old tech guys were
able to digitally capture Seinfeld,
31
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:17,369
and now we can basically make
him do or say whatever we want.
32
00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:19,806
So for the month of October,
all of our prime time shows
33
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,249
will feature a computerized
guest appearance from...
34
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:23,041
Mr. Jerry...
35
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,626
Seinfeld.
36
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,962
If you didn't kill her,
why didn't you stay?
37
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,505
Quit grillin' me!
38
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,132
♪ Seinfeldvision ♪
39
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,175
Save the cheerleader.
Save the world.
40
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,638
Yah! That's what I said.
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,056
♪ Seinfeldvision ♪
42
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,059
Deal... or no deal?
43
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,437
I'll take that deal!
44
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,025
Does Jerry Seinfeld
know you're doing this?
45
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,068
Jerry's in Europe with
his family right now.
46
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:50,986
But by the time he gets back,
47
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,779
Seinfeldvision will
be a monster hit,
48
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,966
and his kids'll go to school,
and their friends'll say
49
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,618
I really loved your dad in that
episode of medium last night,
50
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,286
and he's... he's gonna love it.
51
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,204
Uh-huh.
52
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,040
Well, I had a great summer too.
53
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,332
I started a quilt.
54
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,001
I did yoga twice a week.
55
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,628
I wore flip-flops in public.
56
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,639
I really feel like this
is gonna be my year.
57
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,006
Biggest loser.
58
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,299
So what's up with Floyd?
59
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,259
Uh, we broke up.
60
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,012
We agreed that it was
crazy to try it long-distance,
61
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,344
and I feel great about it.
62
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,598
Oh, come on, Lemon.
63
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,330
If there's two
things I'm certain of,
64
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,396
one is you will never
finish that quilt, I know.
65
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,765
And you are not over Floyd.
66
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,063
No, I really am, Jack.
67
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,898
I'm telling you,
this is my year.
68
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,983
I feel like the show's
gonna be great,
69
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,435
and I'm very positive that
I'm gonna meet someone else.
70
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,654
Lemon, women your age
71
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,239
are more likely to be mauled
at the zoo than get married.
72
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,909
Good to see you. Bye.
73
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,994
Glad we're both doing so great.
74
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,704
Put Floyd's name on that quilt.
75
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:54,124
♪ ♪
76
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,142
Yo, Ken, I'm gonna use
77
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,954
this whole kitchen
area as my bathroom.
78
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:06,728
Spread the word.
79
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,146
What is this?
80
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,718
Mr. Jordan's wife
kicked him out.
81
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,566
She froze my credit
cards, Liz Lemon.
82
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,568
And she got custody of Grizz.
83
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,380
Can I keep my
cockatiel in your office?
84
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,739
No. Go home and
apologize to your wife.
85
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,158
What? I'm not apologizing!
86
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,731
'Cause for once in my life, I
haven't done anything wrong.
87
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,597
How many years have
you known me, Liz Lemon?
88
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,247
One.
89
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,832
So you know I like to minister
90
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,291
to transvestite prostitutes.
91
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,085
I don't think I
did know that, no.
92
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,777
It's true. He doesn't
mess with 'em.
93
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,731
He just tries to get 'em
into computer school.
94
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,466
So labor day weekend, I
see this young she-dude
95
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,301
at the dumpster by 40/40.
96
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:39,845
I pull over and I say,
97
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,556
"you don't have to
live your life like this.
98
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,975
"You can be a freaky
deeky and do data entry.
99
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,602
Sure. "What about
court reporting?"
100
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,021
Believe in yourself.'! Right.
101
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,774
So as I reach in the trash
and pull this dude out,
102
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,318
a paparazzo jumps out
and takes a picture of me.
103
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,487
Tracy Jordan and his wife Angie.
104
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,197
Oops. So not only are you
105
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,758
holding a transvestite
prostitute...
106
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,034
They confused "shim" with
Mrs. Jordan, yes, ma'am.
107
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,828
And they think she
looks better here
108
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,400
than she did at
the 2004 grammys.
109
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,873
Who's gonna do my banking?
110
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,499
Who's gonna write my blogs?
111
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,591
Who's gonna do the
cooking on taco wednesdays?
112
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,587
Okay, well, Kenneth,
you are now in charge
113
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,047
of helping Tracy with any
of the nonsexual things
114
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,459
that Angie would do for him.
115
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,801
So he's, like, my office wife?
116
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,053
Sure. Let's go with that.
117
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,556
Kenneth Parcell,
118
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,851
will you take this ring...
119
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,811
And sell it in the
Jewish part of midtown,
120
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,813
and use the money to
get us a Nintendo Wii?
121
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,066
Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes!
122
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,906
Liz, how was your summer?
123
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,198
Good. Floyd and I...
124
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,384
'Cause my play was amazing.
125
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,510
There is nothing like the thrill
126
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,995
of doing a live
show on Broadway.
127
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,373
You know, Jojo,
128
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:54,044
♪ when life keeps
handing you anchovies ♪
129
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:57,130
♪ just cover them up
with some extra cheese ♪
130
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,132
♪ and make a pizza ♪ ♪
131
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,759
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
132
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,451
It sounds just like
the movie and...
133
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,863
What happened to you?
134
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,514
Do I look fat?
135
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,366
Liz, I had to eat four slices of
pizza on Stage, each performance
136
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,435
Jenna, that's 32
pieces of pizza a week!
137
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:11,727
No, that can't be right.
138
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,480
Liz, it's like I flipped
139
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,492
the eating switch,
and I can't flip it back.
140
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:16,942
You have to help me.
141
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,474
Well, how am I supposed
to... oh! It's worse from behind.
142
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,781
I'm on it.
143
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,741
She needs to lose
30 pounds or gain 60.
144
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,910
Anything in between
has no place in television.
145
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,870
I can't believe I missed you.
146
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,834
Did Jack say anything
about my weight?
147
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,377
No, he didn't even mention it.
148
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,149
He's not noticing.
No one is noticing.
149
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,755
Yowza! Oh! Oh!
150
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,424
Mr. Michelin, I love your tires.
151
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,052
Okay, everyone, welcome back.
152
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,012
Some of you may be
wondering what happened
153
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,223
between me and my
boyfriend Floyd this summer.
154
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,101
The answer is we did
break up, but I am doing fine.
155
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,393
Is Floyd the black guy?
156
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,230
Okay, you don't care.
I don't care either.
157
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,522
So, great. Um...
158
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,816
I want a packet of 50 ideas
159
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,418
from each of you by
tomorrow morning.
160
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,486
Boo! What... oh!
161
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,341
Hey, I need to ask
you guys something.
162
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,994
Move away from me.
Don't stand near me.
163
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,966
Will you guys be
bridesmaids in my wedding?
164
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,123
Oh! That is very sweet,
165
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:17,043
but I think I might be
past bridesmaid age.
166
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,335
Oh, I'm sorry.
167
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,420
Is it hard for you
168
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,148
because you just broke
up with that Floyd guy?
169
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,924
No! What? No!
170
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,216
That's...
171
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,427
You know, I would love...
172
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,470
We would love to
be your bridesmaids.
173
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,015
Great. We need to go dress
shopping tomorrow then.
174
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,475
So meet me at les
fesses at 10:00 A.M.
175
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,060
Yay! Yay.
176
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,231
Oh! Now I have my something old.
177
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,450
Rise and shine, Mr. Jordan.
178
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,328
I couldn't sleep
at all last night.
179
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,496
Angie kept my sharper image
180
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,665
white noise
aromatherapy machine.
181
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,077
She knows I can't sleep
without the sound of the ocean
182
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,586
and the smell of bacon.
183
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,838
Well, hurry up and
get your second wind,
184
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,633
'cause I've got our
day all planned out.
185
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,760
We'll start at bed,
bath & beyond,
186
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,172
and get all the things that
you're gonna need in here.
187
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,847
Then an old friend
of mine from college
188
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,742
is having her baby
shower out on long island.
189
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,059
So we'll swing by there.
190
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,191
And for dinner, I thought
we could just stay in
191
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,391
and have the rest of that
soup that I made yesterday.
192
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,941
I'm not doing any of that!
193
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,360
Okay. Fine.
194
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,737
I went with youto your
black vampire movie.
195
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,469
But I guess I'll
just tell my friends
196
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:28,657
that you have a migraine.
197
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,242
Great compromise, office wife.
198
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,934
Hey, you know where I
can find that Jack Donaghy?
199
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,019
I got a bone to
pick with that guy.
200
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,271
I don't know which
bone I'm gonna pick,
201
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,941
but he's got some bones,
and I'm gonna pick one.
202
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,406
Really?
203
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,580
Weddings are so weird.
204
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,874
This veil costs
more than my couch.
205
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,169
Is that comedy, or do you
really have a $300 couch?
206
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,713
Both.
207
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:26,798
What, you never pretended
208
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,883
to be a bride when
you were a little girl?
209
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,553
I did. I just never
romanticized it.
210
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,140
This is my husband,
Saul Rosenbear,
211
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,142
and this is his son Richard
212
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,019
from a previous marriage.
213
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,938
And then he cheated
on me with a lamb.
214
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:42,939
Oh...
215
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,941
Liz, this dress is amazing.
216
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,609
But they don't
have it in my size.
217
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,029
Can you try it on for me
so I can see how it hangs?
218
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,197
Yes. You're closer, Liz.
219
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:51,948
You do it.
220
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,075
I mean, I could do it, but...
221
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,120
Fun... this is fun.
222
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,017
Sir, Jerry Seinfeld
is here to see you.
223
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,834
You told me he was in Europe!
224
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,919
Does he look upset?
225
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:05,879
He looks the way you did
226
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:07,881
when I tried to hold
your hand on the jet.
227
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,653
Stall him for a few
minutes, Jonathan,
228
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:10,967
till I get my ducks in a row.
229
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,469
And get me legal on the phone.
230
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,348
Oh, my god.
231
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,019
If I cover my good eye, you
look just like Courtney Cox.
232
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,064
This one is really nice,
Cerie. And it's 40% off.
233
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,440
Oh, no.
234
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,276
Aris would kill me if I ever
bought a dress on sale.
235
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,568
I can't.
236
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,908
It really is nice, isn't it?
237
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,994
You should buy it and
save it for your wedding.
238
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,914
No, no. I'm single. Doin' great.
239
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:44,167
But don't you think you will
ever get married to anyone?
240
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:47,087
You are trying to make a sale.
241
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,883
I know how this
works. Oh, thank you.
242
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,551
Hi. Jack?
243
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,054
No, of course I'm
at the office. Yeah.
244
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,347
Stall who?
245
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,182
This is our control room.
246
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,474
Uh-huh!
247
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,745
There's... nobody in there.
Sorry there's nothing to see.
248
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,938
We just got back from
summer hiatus yesterday.
249
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,373
Yeah. Everybody's summer good?
250
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,691
Oh, mine was great. I
read, like, two books.
251
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,143
I broke up with my boyfriend.
252
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,903
But I'm doing great.
I'm totally over it.
253
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,195
Mm-hmm. Still talking?
254
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:13,822
Oh, no, no, no, no.
255
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,824
I haven't talked to
him since... whew!
256
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,618
August... 9th?
257
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,161
4:17 P.M.?
258
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,037
Mm-hmm. It's not over.
259
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,164
Oh, no, it's over. I'm over it.
260
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,458
No, it's not over till
you pick up the phone,
261
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,230
you say, "I don't
love you anymore, '!
262
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,180
They say, "I don't love
you anymore either."
263
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,214
You go, "great, I'll
pick you up in 20.
264
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,173
Let's grab a scone."
265
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,259
A scone... yes! I want that!
266
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,344
- I'm gonna call him.
- Liz Lemon.
267
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,388
I need you to go to my house
268
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,099
and pretend you're doing a
survey for the Ranford Group.
269
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,018
And then ask my wife if she's
sleeping with D.L. Hughley!
270
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,510
No. I'm not doing any of that.
271
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,562
J.s.!
272
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,856
Oh, Tracy.
273
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,482
What's up?
274
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,974
Liz Lemon, me and this dude
used to do standup together.
275
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,071
Remember that night we had a
three-way with Elayne Boosler?
276
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,157
I don't think that was me.
277
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,950
Oh, yeah. You know what?
278
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,326
I think that was a mirror.
279
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,661
Ah.
280
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,789
J.s., this is my Kenneth.
281
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:05,665
Ah, yeah. You again.
282
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,709
Hello.
283
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,681
Jonathan, when is he
gonna meet with Jerry?
284
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:10,961
This is taking forever.
285
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,231
Mr. Donaghy left.
286
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,255
What? When?
287
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,506
Just a few minutes ago.
288
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,803
Jack?
289
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,932
Jack?
290
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:24,934
Jack.
291
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,145
Derry? Is that you?
292
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,731
Nobody told me you were here.
293
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,023
Oh, I'm here, Jack.
294
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,271
Kenneth, why didn't you
tell me Mr. Seinfeld is here?
295
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,905
What's wrong with him?
296
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,374
Hello?
297
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,711
Hello, I'm sorry. May I
speak to Floyd, please?
298
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,588
Oh, he's in the... shower.
299
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,800
I am conducting a survey
for the Ranford Group.
300
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,969
And, uh... how old are you?
301
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,055
And your weight?
302
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,933
And when was the last
time you had intercourse?
303
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,810
Who is this? Who are you?
304
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,772
I'm your worst
nightmare, is who I is!
305
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,151
He's got some girl
over there already!
306
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,443
Wow.
307
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,696
That is so embarrassing for you.
308
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,616
So how can I help you, Jerry?
309
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,952
Jack, I was vacationing
with my family in Europe
310
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,912
in a country only rich
people know about.
311
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,204
Svenborgia?
312
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,165
No. Better.
313
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,124
But I can't tell you.
314
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,960
Anyway, my mother called
315
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,254
to tell me that I'm gonna
be on la wand order!
316
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,546
And E.R.
317
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,590
So I called my agent to find out
318
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,342
when did I shoot these things?
319
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,177
That's the beauty
of this, Jerry.
320
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,053
It's all done with computers.
321
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,846
When you see it,
you're gonna love it.
322
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,223
25 sexy moms.
323
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,016
50 sweaty eighth-grade boys.
324
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,143
And one beloved
American comedy star.
325
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,062
This Wednesday on MILF island...
326
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:54,148
Really? Is that
really your pitch?
327
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,984
Okay. I get it.
328
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,069
This is a two-way street.
329
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,696
All right, Jerry, what NBC shows
330
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,115
do you want to be
digitally inserted into?
331
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,242
I like lost. Is that you guys?
332
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,288
Jerry, don't be difficult.
333
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,206
The fact of the matter is
334
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,018
that Seinfeldvision
is perfectly legal,
335
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,723
and there's nothing
you can do to stop us.
336
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,962
I'm sorry, but... it's business.
337
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:16,921
Here's some business.
338
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,007
How 'bout I buy NBC
339
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,051
and turn it into the biggest
Lane Bryant in midtown?
340
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,847
Jerry, come on.
341
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,307
You're gonna buy NBC,
342
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,435
like you've got $4 million
just laying around...
343
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,687
Jerry, I'm sorry.
344
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,314
Give me two days...
345
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,886
And I'll come up with something
you'll really be proud of.
346
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,150
Besides, you owe me.
347
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,212
Remember, St. barts, I
saved your life from that shark?
348
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,696
All right, Jack.
349
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,740
I'll come back.
350
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,534
But I still think
you shot a dolphin.
351
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,001
Hi. I'm here to drop off
352
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,293
the inspiration photos.
353
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,336
And you are the mother.
354
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:58,755
Bridesmaid, yes.
355
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,716
That's my dress.
356
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,845
Don't buy that. That
looks ugly on you.
357
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,137
Yeah, you'll thank me.
358
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,931
Is that dress still on sale?
359
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:10,224
Yes.
360
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,102
You know, a lot of women
buy their perfect dress
361
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,896
when they see it,
362
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,291
and then just trust the fact
that the husband will come.
363
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,275
Yeah. Well, this is my year.
364
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,778
I mean, Floyd's moving
on. I'm moving on too.
365
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,238
I'm just doing it
in my own order.
366
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,074
I'm gonna get the wedding dress,
367
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,468
and then I'm gonna have a baby,
368
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,785
and then I'm gonna die,
369
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,679
and then I'm gonna meet
a super-cute guy in heaven.
370
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,914
Yeah.
371
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,042
I'm not kidding, blondie.
Get out of the dress.
372
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,332
I'll need to spread it over
373
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,047
a couple of
different credit cards.
374
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,363
Lemon, I am in
full-blown crisis mode.
375
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,945
I've already sold 20
million dollars' worth
376
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,169
of ad time for Seinfeldvision,
377
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,786
and now Jerry
wants to pull the plug.
378
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,033
But I don't care, because
I thrive in crisis mode.
379
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,809
That's when I'm
really at my best.
380
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,162
And the fact that I do not
have one idea how to solve this
381
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,186
only energizes me more.
382
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,123
I've been brainstorming
all night... here we go.
383
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,440
Number one... kill Seinfeld.
384
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,460
Number two... kill
Seinfeld, then kill myself.
385
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,444
Number three... kill
Seinfeld, flee to Svenborgia,
386
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:04,528
then kill myself.
387
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,131
Jack, I'm not having
the best day either.
388
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,466
Number 70... you
seduce Seinfeld.
389
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,826
Now, why is me seducing
Seinfeld all the way at 70?
390
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,398
Number 71... I fake a hurricane,
391
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,180
and all regularly scheduled
programming is preempted.
392
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,831
These are terrible ideas.
393
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,208
There are no bad ideas
in brainstorming, Lemon.
394
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,561
I'm sure I'll come up with
something at the 11th hour.
395
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,879
I always do, 'cause
I'm just that good.
396
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,216
Mm.
397
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,307
It was on sale.
398
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:37,854
I'm mad at you, Ken.
399
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,981
I seen the way you
was lookin' at Seinfeld.
400
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,024
You used to look
at me like that.
401
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,361
What, am I not a big
enough star for you anymore?
402
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:48,322
I am not even gonna
dignify that with an answer.
403
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:50,950
Especially after I picked out
404
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,660
all these throw
pillows for in here,
405
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,620
and you didn't even notice!
406
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:57,957
Hey, everyone.
407
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,750
I know what you're thinking.
408
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,003
How did I lose 25
pounds in one day?
409
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,088
I didn't. It's visual trickery.
410
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,007
Drawing the eye up.
411
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,886
Hey, Liz, you gotta see this.
412
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,762
Jenna looks bananas...
413
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,142
Nope, the real crazy is in here.
414
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,894
Liz lost it.
415
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,186
It was on sale.
416
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:19,729
I thought you and
Floyd broke up.
417
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:23,024
We did, and I am
doing great with it.
418
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,316
I just bought a dress.
419
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,861
Because, you know, I don't
need society's permission
420
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,529
to buy a white dress.
421
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,674
I mean, who says this is
a wedding dress anyway?
422
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,092
In Korea, they wear
white to funerals.
423
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,993
All right, uh, I'm
in charge now.
424
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:34,994
Everyone go home.
425
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,788
I'm not crazy, Frank.
I'm making a statement.
426
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,080
That, if need be,
427
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,333
I will marry myself.
428
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,418
And I am not embarrassed
429
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,310
that you guys are
seeing me wearing this.
430
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,757
So you're intending
to wear that... all day.
431
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:50,134
Yeah, chocolate
rain, maybe I am.
432
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,094
Liz, um, Seinfeld's here,
433
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,554
and Jack's not ready for him.
434
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,515
So you need to give
him another tour.
435
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,142
Wonderful.
436
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,943
Hello, Jerry.
437
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,819
Well, well, well.
438
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,271
So you called that boyfriend.
439
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,363
Yes, I did.
440
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,114
And it went well?
441
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,824
No, it didn't, jer.
442
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,243
A woman answered.
443
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,828
Another woman already?
What did you say to her?
444
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,121
I did a fake survey.
445
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,790
You did the fake survey?
446
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:22,375
I know. I'm not over it!
447
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,709
And now I'm wearing this!
448
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,128
What is the deal with my life?
449
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,755
Are you imitating me?
450
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,050
No! This is what I
sound like when I cry!
451
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,677
I think I'm a little insulted!
452
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:35,179
You're insulted? I'm crying!
453
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,234
Ow.
454
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:51,862
I got nothin'.
455
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,614
Mr. Seinfeld's here.
456
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,449
I got nothing.
457
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,951
Oh, Jerry, wonderful.
458
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,411
Please, come in, come in.
459
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,079
Can I get you some water?
460
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:01,664
No, thank you.
461
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,850
Would you like some tea,
some coffee, some ice coffee,
462
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,418
we have ice tea,
we have some juice...
463
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:06,752
All right, I'll just...
464
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,484
Gimme a water if
that moves it along.
465
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,506
Okay. Boy, have I got
a presentation for you.
466
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,592
This presentation
is going to, uh,
467
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,135
knock your socks off.
468
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,886
Here, let me close this window
469
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,818
so we don't have any
glare on the monitor.
470
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,390
How was your
weekend? It's Thursday.
471
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,975
Well, I mean last weekend.
472
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,267
It was very nice.
473
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,687
Can we just move this
presentation along, please?
474
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:25,438
It's Seinfeldvision.
475
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,940
I'm giving america...
476
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,942
The programs they like...
477
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,986
With a star that they love.
478
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,114
For one... incredible month...
479
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,406
Of television.
480
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:37,950
What the hell are you doing?
481
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,745
God... oh, god, Jerry!
482
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,079
I got nothing!
483
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,371
I got nothing!
484
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,791
You've got to do
this for me, please!
485
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,085
Oh, god, I've already
sold the ad time!
486
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,670
What is wrong with you people?
487
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,173
What's happened to this network?
488
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,010
Call off your goons!
489
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:57,928
All right, Kenneth.
490
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,014
All right, listen, Seinfeld.
491
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,932
I'll give you $1 million
492
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,269
and five free commercials for
your animated feature bee movie,
493
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,104
and you let me run
this for one week.
494
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,732
$2 million to the
charity of my choice,
495
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,384
ten free commercials
for bee movie,
496
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,778
opening November
2nd, and I do nothing.
497
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,988
You let me run
Seinfeldvision for three nights,
498
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,550
I'll give you $1 .5 million
for the charity of your choice,
499
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,951
unlimited free promotions
on the today show,
500
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,330
and you give me the name
of that country you went to.
501
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:25,623
One night.
502
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:26,916
Doctors without borders.
503
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,210
Roker in a bee costume.
504
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,963
Grenyarnia.
505
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,384
Oh, god!
506
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:44,767
Oh, no!
507
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,228
Did a Korean person die?
508
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,439
No, Tracy. It's a wedding dress.
509
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,901
Don't do it, Liz Lemon.
510
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,487
I know what me and Kenneth have
511
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,239
looks perfect on the outside,
512
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,907
but it's work, damn it.
513
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,659
It's work.
514
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,629
How'd it go with Seinfeld?
515
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,048
I think I pulled it off.
516
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,551
Good god, Lemon,
what's happened to you?
517
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,443
I thought this was
going to be your year.
518
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,513
I couldn't even hold
it together one week.
519
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:23,806
I'm not you, Jack.
520
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,326
I can't have a heart attack and
pretend like it never happened.
521
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,561
I can't break up with someone
and immediately recover.
522
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,021
I'm not you. I'm just me.
523
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,107
Lemon, don't ever
say you're just you.
524
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,679
Because you are better than you.
525
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,069
And I am not going
to let you give up.
526
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,321
This is going to be our year.
527
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,658
Now, give me the ham.
528
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,036
I like the ham. Come on.
529
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,921
$4,000 ham napkin.
530
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,377
I look pretty, though, right?
531
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,594
Don't push it, Lemon.
532
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,271
♪ When life keeps
handing you anchovies ♪
533
00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:15,065
♪ just cover them up
with some extra cheese ♪
534
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,151
♪ and make a pizza ♪
535
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,652
♪ with what you've got ♪
536
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,654
♪ life is a pizza ♪
537
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,199
♪ with everything on top ♪
538
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,992
♪ pizza ♪
539
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,327
♪ with what you've got ♪
540
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,412
♪ life is a pizza ♪
541
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,706
♪ with everything on top ♪
542
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,792
♪ pizza ♪
543
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:34,919
♪ what you've got ♪
544
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:36,253
♪ pizza ♪
545
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,380
♪ with everything on top ♪ ♪