1 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,042 It's so sweet of you to walk me to work today. 2 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:08,742 You're my girl, right? 3 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,344 And I take care of you, huh? 4 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,479 Who knows? 5 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,747 Maybe we'll see Natalie Morales, you know? 6 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:14,715 That little firecracker, 7 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,750 she gets my blood running south of the border. 8 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,786 That is less sweet. 9 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:19,620 I'm gonna stop by tonight. 10 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,823 Maybe I'll, uh, pick up some Chinese. 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,792 Aw, you said "Chinese" instead of something offensive. 12 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,794 I told you, losing you last year, 13 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,462 changed me, huh? 14 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:31,565 It made me more, um...more mature. 15 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,203 Come here. [chuckling] 16 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,272 Ow, that really hurts, Dennis. 17 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,674 [beeping] 18 00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:44,778 You're back with Dennis? 19 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:46,714 Yeah, I'm back with Dennis. 20 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,117 Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up. 21 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,384 It's so annoying. 22 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,120 Oh, yes, I'm annoying, not the man 23 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,854 who honked your boobs on the jumbo screen. 24 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:54,855 That was before. 25 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,290 And it was the playoffs. 26 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,127 Does he still work at that beeper store? 27 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,094 What is it, "Beeper King"? 28 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,195 He is the King now. 29 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,763 The old Beeper King retired... 30 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,565 Well, technically he shot himself. 31 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,699 But Dennis took over, 32 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,668 and now he's the only beeper salesman 33 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:10,138 left in Manhattan, which is cool in a way. 34 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,605 You're doing the eyebrow thing again. 35 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,740 Because it's Dennis. 36 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:13,774 Who are you trying to fool? 37 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:14,575 This is me. Exactly. 38 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,877 You don't get to give dating advice. 39 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,447 You sent a letter to Scott Peterson. 40 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,714 After he dyed his hair 41 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,750 and got super thin from all the stress. 42 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,885 Are you kidding me? He was smokin'. 43 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,754 Dennis is a good guy, okay? 44 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,755 Not really. 45 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,290 So when did this happen? 46 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,225 Well, last week was my birthday, [gasps] 47 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,727 and everyone forgot except Dennis. 48 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,429 And he called, and we went out, 49 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:36,864 and it wasn't too weird. 50 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,299 And how is the sex? 51 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,800 Fast and only on Saturdays. 52 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,469 It's perfect. 53 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,472 [exciting jazz music] 54 00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:52,513 * 55 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,793 Did you see this? 56 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,295 It's horrible. 57 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,663 They're printing libel about me again. 58 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,632 Libel, Liz Lemon! 59 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,737 Oh..."Normal." 60 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,206 How dare they? 61 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,273 That's what I'm saying. 62 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,309 That's character assassination. 63 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,643 That's not normal! 64 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,745 It only looks like I'm walking out of a Starbucks 65 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,414 when, actually, I'm doing the robot 66 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,949 goin' backwards into a Starbucks. 67 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,584 And I don't even know 68 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,719 whose dog that is. 69 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,287 Yes, I steal dogs. 70 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,888 (Liz) What is the problem? 71 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,190 I can't be normal! 72 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,226 If I'm normal, I'm boring. 73 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,194 If I'm boring, I'm not a movie star. 74 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,395 If I'm not a movie star, 75 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,863 then I'm poor. 76 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,866 And poor people can't afford to pay back the $75,000 in cash 77 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,935 they owe Quincy Jones! 78 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,544 Wow...Talking to that guy, 79 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,380 it's like looking in a mirror, huh? 80 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,815 Well, my armpit rash is back. 81 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,751 Oh, my God, Jack. What are you doing in wardrobe? 82 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:04,918 The latest research is in. 83 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,454 Our audience doesn't like green. 84 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,921 Oh, that's too bad. I like green. 85 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,457 Research doesn't lie, Jenna. 86 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,924 It lets us know what we're thinking: 87 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,760 what's too boring, what's too gay, what's too old. 88 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,428 What's too old? 89 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,597 That's a very good question. How old are you? I'm 29. 90 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,865 What year were you born? 1977. 91 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,433 When did you graduate high school? '94. 92 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,768 When do you turn 40? 2017. 93 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:21,735 Junior high crush? Kirk Cameron. 94 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:23,904 Prom theme? Motownphilly, Boyz II Men. 95 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,739 What movie did you lose your virginity at? Arachnophobia. 96 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,775 Theater or drive-in? 97 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,810 What's a drive-in? 98 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,945 Of course. 99 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,282 I don't know why I bothered to ask. 100 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,849 I can tell just from your physical appearance 101 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,951 that you're obviously... 102 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,787 29. 103 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,625 So these page numbers, 104 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,827 when done correctly, should be sequential. 105 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,329 Oh. Oh, Josh! 106 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,631 Liz Taylor's assistant called. 107 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,966 They wanted the address here to send you something. 108 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,835 That's awesome. 109 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,737 She must have seen my impression of her. 110 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,938 Sounds like someone loves Liz Taylor. 111 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,740 I do. 112 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:00,841 No, we mean love love. 113 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,976 Yeah, like if she walked in right now 114 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,045 and said she wanted to do it with you, you would. 115 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,380 I definitely would. 116 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,748 What? 117 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:08,916 (Jenna) Liz. 118 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:09,783 (Josh) No, I'm totally serious. 119 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:10,918 I mean, wouldn't you guys? 120 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,886 Uh, Jack asked me how old I am. 121 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,355 What did you say? 122 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,857 29. [laughs] 123 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,526 Ahem. 124 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,927 Jenna, relax. 125 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,496 I cannot and will not relax, Liz. 126 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,964 I am an actress. 127 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,733 And when someone asks an actress 128 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,068 how old she is, it's more statement than question. 129 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,637 When my mom's feeling old, 130 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,038 she goes to this guy on 71st Street. 131 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,441 But she's old. 132 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:36,009 She's like 38. 133 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,679 I'm gonna be sick. 134 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:45,986 * Betcha he reads, betcha she sews * 135 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,888 * Betcha they've made me 136 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,757 * A closet 137 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,791 * Of clothes * 138 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,429 Lemon, what tragedy happened in your life 139 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,064 that you insist upon punishing yourself 140 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,933 with all this... mediocrity? 141 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,802 What? 'Cause I'm eating a turkey sub? 142 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:02,870 Your turkey sub, 143 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,971 your clothes, 144 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,973 the fact that a woman of your resources and position 145 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,876 lives like some boxcar hobo. 146 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:09,910 Or maybe it's the fact 147 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,445 that while I'm saying all this, 148 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:14,047 you have a piece of lettuce stuck in your hair. 149 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,554 This is the unlisted number.. 150 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:21,889 of Stone, 151 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,891 the most exclusive restaurant in the city, 152 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,959 currently. 153 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,961 I think it's time that you start 154 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,664 enjoying some of the finer things in life. 155 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,501 Completely unsolicited and inappropriate. 156 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,537 I will only accept it because I love food. 157 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,038 Do you know why Jack Welch 158 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,675 is the greatest leader since the pharaohs? 159 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:42,743 Because he didn't only involve himself 160 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,814 in our work lives, but our personal lives as well. 161 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,716 He introduced us to the finest booze, 162 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,518 the most restrictive country clubs. 163 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,752 He gave us the names 164 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,587 of the most discreet private investigators 165 00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:54,955 to spy on our ex-wives. 166 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:57,525 He held our hands during our triumphs 167 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,560 and our Senate hearings. 168 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:02,730 I want to hold your hand, Lemon. 169 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,164 Yikes. 170 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,633 This is a perfect example. 171 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,735 You have a million-dollar view, 172 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,470 yet you refuse to acknowledge 173 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,672 that there's a whole world out there. 174 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,940 Oh, my. 175 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,775 There appears to be a gentleman 176 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,545 making passionate, angry, love to himself. 177 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,946 Yeah, I know. 178 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,814 That's why I closed the blinds in the first place. 179 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:21,982 Right in his office. 180 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,518 Huh. 181 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,587 Lemon, I like to think of myself as a winner. 182 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,822 I like to surround myself with winners. 183 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:29,957 I see potential in you. 184 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,158 Let me be... 185 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,826 your Jack Welch. 186 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,128 Let me be...your mentor. 187 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,830 No, thank you. 188 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,799 That is unfortunate. 189 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,468 You've, uh... 190 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:43,504 got to admire his persistence and stamina, though. 191 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,772 Am I wrong, 192 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:46,940 or is he in the middle of a staff meeting? 193 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,510 Maybe you should be his mentor. 194 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,712 Obviously, he doesn't need one. 195 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,981 He's got it all figured out. 196 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,688 I got one for ya. 197 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,890 See the old guy over there with the girl? 198 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,092 Mistress or daughter? 199 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,694 Oh, my God, I hope it's his daughter. 200 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,029 Yeah, me too. 201 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,831 Oh, my God! Oh! 202 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,000 God, I hope it's his mistress. 203 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,002 Oh, that is just wrong. 204 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,605 Hey, 007, how about some more rolls over here, huh? 205 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:18,639 Oh, my, my, 206 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,574 what a pleasant surprise-- Lemon. 207 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,575 And you brought a man. 208 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:23,210 Jack Donaghy. 209 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,645 And, uh, this is my friend Anastasia. 210 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:25,646 How are you? 211 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,981 Hi. Dennis Duffy, Beeper King. 212 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,983 The Beeper King, really? 213 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,251 Uh, Dennis has his own business. 214 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,920 Yes, he's an entrepreneur. 215 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,755 He's very successful. You've probably seen my ads 216 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,723 on the 7 train, right? 217 00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,958 I didn't know they served chicken nuggets 218 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:38,992 at this restaurant. 219 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,494 It's cod. It's, uh-- 220 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,328 They made it special. 221 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,096 Dennis has some dietary restrictions. 222 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,999 Actually, I'm allergic to all fish 223 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,167 unless it's fried. 224 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,602 You know? 225 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:49,703 That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis. 226 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,204 That douche bag up front made me wear it. 227 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,706 Does he know you're the Beeper King? 228 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:53,941 I don't think so. 229 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,175 Anyway, thanks for the hook-up. 230 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,910 This is clearly the nicest restaurant 231 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,011 we've ever been to. 232 00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,179 Hold on a second. 233 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,881 This place ain't that nice, all right? 234 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,716 It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant. 235 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:03,784 No rat talk tonight, okay? 236 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,986 You know there are 17 rats per person in Manhattan? 237 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,287 You eat a pound of rat crap 238 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,989 every year without even knowing it, huh? 239 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,858 I think I read about that in The New Yorker. 240 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,960 Anyway, we'll leave you to your meal. 241 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,996 I hope you enjoy the, uh, choices that you've made. 242 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:23,003 [slurping] 243 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,705 Stop it. 244 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,743 And that former call girl 245 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:33,146 went on to become one of NBC's biggest news anchors. 246 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,715 Star coming! 247 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:35,849 Wall hug, everybody. 248 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,951 [gasp] That's Tracy Jordan. 249 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,252 He seems like such a nice, 250 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,690 normal young man. 251 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,091 [screaming] No! 252 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,325 [giggling and applause] 253 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,860 Let's keep going, you guys. 254 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:47,895 Let's keep goin'. 255 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,244 I enjoyed the restaurant. Thank you. 256 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,048 Just say it. 257 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,885 Just say what you're dying to say. 258 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,787 Dennis is nice to me, okay? 259 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,288 He fixed my toilet. 260 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,057 He broke it first, but he fixed it. 261 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:20,994 And he loves hockey, and I'm...figuring it out. 262 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,897 And it's easy-- I get a lot of work done. 263 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:24,898 I don't have time 264 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:25,966 for a personal life, okay? 265 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:26,934 I can't just go to Central Park 266 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,937 and join the singles touch football league. 267 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,705 Like I'd want to anyway. 268 00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,773 People in those posters, 269 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,341 always laughing in their sweaters. 270 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,010 [scoffs] Who are they foolin'? 271 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,747 Oh, okay, you're not going to say anything to me 272 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,348 because I rejected you as a mentor? 273 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,415 Who cares? 274 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,985 I have a lot of friends I can talk to about my life. 275 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,186 [elevator door opens] 276 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,956 The bottom line is, Dennis is my boyfriend 277 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,090 because he inquired. 278 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,960 He was the only applicant, and I am not-- 279 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,964 Doin' great. 280 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,767 [knocking] 281 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,768 (Jenna) Come in. 282 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:01,902 Hey, do you have a minute? 283 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,370 I need to talk to you about this-- 284 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,973 Ah! What did you do to yourself? 285 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:06,907 Me? 286 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,175 Nothing. 287 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,944 Just getting more rest, drinking more water. 288 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,079 Really? This water-- 289 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,715 does someone boil it first, then throw it in your face? 290 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,651 Okay, I had a little Botox and some collagen, 291 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,786 and a chemical peel, 292 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,854 and something with shark DNA. 293 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:24,324 Admit it, I look ten years younger. 294 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,727 No, younger even. You look like a fetus. 295 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,061 Look, I came here to talk to you 296 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,197 about my problems with Dennis. 297 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,899 Oh, I can't right now, honey. 298 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,734 If I don't do my facial exercises, 299 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,969 I could wind up looking weird. 300 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,438 I just mentioned Dennis, and your eyebrows didn't go up. 301 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,439 They didn't? 302 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,941 No. 303 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,209 How about now? 304 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,678 Unh-uh. 305 00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:45,779 Anything? 306 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:46,914 [softly] No. 307 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,950 Hey, what's up, baby? Liz around? 308 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,118 She should be back soon. 309 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,352 Is that a present for her? 310 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,954 Yeah. If she doesn't get back here soon, 311 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:54,988 I'm pokin' air holes in it. 312 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,189 Excuse me. 313 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,825 I couldn't help but notice that, uh, 314 00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,828 none of you are wearing beepers. 315 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:01,628 You sell beepers? 316 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,463 I sell a way of life, my friend. 317 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:07,034 Cool. I can use some ironic accessories. 318 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,035 What are you doing here? 319 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,136 Hey, I bought you a present. 320 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,203 Oh? 321 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,906 Uh-oh. 322 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,441 Oh, no. It got out. 323 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,476 If anyone sees a salamander, it's Liz's. 324 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,978 No. I don't want a salamander! 325 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,780 And I don't want you here selling beepers. 326 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:20,881 Why not? I mean, you work in a business. 327 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,082 Business people need beepers. 328 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,383 No, they need cell phones. 329 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,818 Oh, yeah, for now. 330 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:25,953 But the beeper's gonna be making a comeback. 331 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,154 Technology's cyclical. 332 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,056 No technology is not cyclical. 333 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,959 (Jack) I thought I recognized that voice. 334 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:32,960 Dennis, how the heck are you? 335 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:33,894 Did you enjoy that restaurant? 336 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:34,728 Nah, I think I was right about that place. 337 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,229 We actually saw a whole nest of rats 338 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,031 when we were leaving. No, we didn't. 339 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:38,999 I just didn't want to tell you 340 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,233 'cause I knew you'd freak out. 341 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,769 Actually, I think I saw a rat king. 342 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,203 Aren't rat kings a myth? 343 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,305 What's a rat king? 344 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,941 Oh, it's when a bunch of rats are crammed into a tiny space, 345 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,143 and their tails get all tangled up, 346 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,244 and they can't even pull apart. 347 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,880 And then it gets awesome. 348 00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,181 Eventually, their bodies fuse together 349 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,916 and they form a multi-headed live rat king. 350 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,785 And we saw one. 351 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,019 Gosh, I hope you got a picture of that 352 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,287 with the camera on your beeper. 353 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,155 Actually, my beeper doesn't have a camera, 354 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,490 but it does have a pedometer. 355 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,993 Actually, not this one. 356 00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,460 [whispering] I love him. 357 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,497 Listen, I need to talk to you in my office, please. 358 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,765 Why? Now. 359 00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,767 What's up? 360 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:15,235 Is that a tattoo? 361 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,336 Uh-huh. [chuckles] 362 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,939 Who normal now? You hear me, America? 363 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,974 Who's normal now? 364 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,980 How could you do this to the show? 365 00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,849 I got this tattoo for the good of the show. 366 00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:29,950 It gives us an edge-- 367 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,886 the reason why you brought me on. 368 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,521 And when you purchase Tracy Jordan, 369 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:35,856 he comes with a tattoo 370 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,825 of a biblical dragon from outer space. 371 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,359 It's gonna take forever to cover this thing with makeup. 372 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,894 You can't put makeup 373 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,095 on my tattoo, Liz Lemon. 374 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,564 It's in my contract. 375 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,498 No, it's not. 376 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,902 Actually, he's got a pretty weird contract. 377 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,805 Great. Jenna looks like a porn star burn victim, 378 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:52,840 and now this idiot. 379 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:53,706 What am I gonna do? 380 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,110 It's gonna be Josh's busiest show ever. 381 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,278 Oof... 382 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,919 Josh. 383 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,921 Miss Taylor. 384 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,957 When your office said you were 385 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,091 sending me something, 386 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,960 I didn't realize it would be you. 387 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,963 But I had to give you this gift 388 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,565 in person, Josh. 389 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,699 Oh. 390 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,870 I'm just glad you weren't offended by my impression. 391 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,471 Oh... 392 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,939 but I was... 393 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:26,940 deeply. 394 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,341 I'm here to give you the gift... 395 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,343 of pain. 396 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:32,612 The gift of what? 397 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,247 White diamonds! 398 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,815 Ha ha! 399 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,254 Okay, very funny. 400 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,023 You bought a pager from Dennis. 401 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,457 Will you take it off now, please? 402 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,194 Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983. 403 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,262 Look, Dennis takes care of me, okay? 404 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,865 Liz, I'd like you to meet Howard Jorgensen. 405 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:52,799 Liz, how do you do? 406 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,334 He's the vice president of locomotives, 407 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,036 and a rising star at GE. 408 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,038 I thought the two of you had a lot in common. 409 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,874 You are relentless. 410 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,275 Look, uh, Howard, 411 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:05,245 you're obviously an attractive and confident guy, 412 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,213 and at a different time in my life, 413 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,048 I could definitely see the two of us together. 414 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:11,084 I'm married with two beautiful kids 415 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,252 and a pool. 416 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,887 (Jack) Liz, I wasn't 417 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:14,988 trying to set you up. 418 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,523 I wanted to show you my handiwork. 419 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,025 I used to mentor Howard. 420 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,927 (Howard) I was a lot like you. 421 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,929 I dressed poorly, 422 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,330 had bad posture, 423 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,198 walked around with lettuce in my hair. 424 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,533 Oh, son of a bitch. 425 00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,568 And I cursed like a sailor. 426 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,137 But Jack saw potential in me. 427 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,404 He changed my life. 428 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,041 Now Howard's earning seven figures, 429 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,308 and he's married to a swell Filipino gal. 430 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,010 [chuckles] Oh, thanks, Jack. 431 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,947 Look, I told you, I don't need a mentor. 432 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,882 Fine. 433 00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,353 Liz Taylor really messed him up. 434 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,554 He might have brain damage. 435 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:48,788 (Liz on phone) Oh, my God. 436 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,691 Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week. 437 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,692 Who is it? 438 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,094 James Blunt. 439 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,495 Oh. 440 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,497 No, I said no lettuce. 441 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,666 Are you at that crappy sandwich place again? 442 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,934 Yeah-- why is everybody 443 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,136 judging all of my choices lately? 444 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,271 This place is fine. 445 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,473 It's convenient, it's consistent, 446 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,674 I know what I'm getting, 447 00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,542 it doesn't make me feel bad about my body. 448 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,543 And you know what? 449 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,012 Maybe I'm at an age 450 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,013 where it's okay for me to settle for this. 451 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,248 Are we still talking about the sandwich place? 452 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,487 No, sadly, I don't think we are. 453 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,155 Okay. 454 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,157 I admit it. 455 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,592 Dennis isn't a sandwich I want to eat 456 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,227 every day for the rest of my life. 457 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,628 I'm clueless about men. 458 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,130 I'm clueless about everything 459 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,131 that isn't this show. 460 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,432 Maybe you can tell me how to live, 461 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,201 because, sadly, you may be the most stable person 462 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,435 I know right now. 463 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:37,937 Gentlemen, 464 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,139 we'll have to continue this conference 465 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,740 some other time. 466 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,375 (Howard on speakerphone) That's her again, isn't it? 467 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,011 Hi, Howard. [Jack hanging up phone] 468 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,678 Lemon, today is the first day of the rest of your life, 469 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,048 and what is the first thing you need to do? 470 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,449 I have to break up with Dennis. 471 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,318 And why is that? 472 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,285 Because he wears shirts 473 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,087 with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them. 474 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,655 Because he cuts his own hair. 475 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,125 Because that one little nice thing that he does 476 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,492 doesn't make up for the fact 477 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,161 that I don't want to be seen with him in public. 478 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,462 And if you don't break up with him now? 479 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,697 He'll just keep showing up at work to sell beepers. 480 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,534 He'll just keep calling my mother to borrow money. 481 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,237 We'll just get more and more tangled up in each other's lives 482 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,671 until I just can't even get away 483 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:15,075 and we're just like-- Oh, my God. 484 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:15,742 That's right. 485 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,545 He's the rat king. 486 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,380 And there's only one way to break up with a rat. 487 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,049 You have to cut him off completely. 488 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,050 I know. 489 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:23,750 You have to stuff your heart 490 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,518 with steel wool and tinfoil. 491 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,454 You must be ruthless. 492 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,022 You must be absolute. 493 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,390 Remember always, you are The Exterminator. 494 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,391 Say it. 495 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,392 I am The Exterminator. 496 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,393 Say it like you mean it. 497 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,694 I am The Exterminator! Louder! 498 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,063 [shouting] I am The Exterminator! 499 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,664 Okay, not that loud. 500 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,167 [whispering] People are trying to work around here, okay? 501 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,568 (woman on P.A.) 30 minutes to dress rehearsal, everybody. 502 00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:42,635 [knock on door] 503 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,305 Tracy, they need you in wardrobe. 504 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,274 (woman) That's 30 minutes to dress. 505 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,113 Why is part of your face still on the pillow? 506 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:55,482 Damn it. Where's my Sharpie? 507 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,250 Oh, it is fake! 508 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,819 Look, I'm crazy, not stupid. 509 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,322 A movie star can't have a big old permanent face tattoo. 510 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,491 I just need to walk around with this for a week, 511 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,725 get my picture on the interweb, 512 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,427 show the world I'm still dangerous. 513 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,628 And then what about next week 514 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,729 when you don't have it anymore? 515 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:10,830 You're gonna look like-- 516 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,067 I had extreme plastic surgery to have it removed. 517 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,135 Ba-boom! 518 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,769 That's another "Not Normal." 519 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:21,474 You know this is very, very, very bad for me, right? 520 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,410 I need to protect my reputation. 521 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,513 You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady. 522 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,714 Nuh-uh. 523 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,249 Wayne Brady has three Emmys. 524 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,151 You have a People's Choice Award 525 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,586 that you stole from Wayne Brady. 526 00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:37,157 I shouldn't expect a white woman from Whiteville 527 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,726 to understand street cred. 528 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,795 First of all, I'm not from Whiteville. 529 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,297 I'm from White Haven, 530 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:47,834 and it's not as nice as it sounds. 531 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,636 Oh...fine! 532 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,738 You can keep the tattoo. 533 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,274 For this week only. 534 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,877 (man) Okay, here we go. 535 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,146 Quiet, please! 536 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,880 Rehearsing! 537 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,749 (male announcer) And now, a word 538 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,851 from the White House. 539 00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,387 Good evening. I'm Laura Bush. 540 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,889 And I'm Condoleezza Rice. 541 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,891 [indistinctly] And I'm John Kerry. 542 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,793 Well, we had a good run. 543 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,728 What the hell happened here? 544 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,697 The cast had a rough week. 545 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:21,168 These people cannot be on television. 546 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,203 What is your contingency plan 547 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,172 for a crapstorm of this magnitude? 548 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,206 There is none. 549 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,807 We go live in a half an hour. 550 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,609 No wonder your career is being held back 551 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,643 by a lack of foresight 552 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:33,646 and an addiction to dysfunctional relationships. 553 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,882 You have no exit strategies. 554 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,921 He knows about my marriage? 555 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,191 No. This is gonna be a bad show. 556 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,024 Worse than the time we let Tracy 557 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,226 do that tribute to August Wilson? 558 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,761 Worse than the time we did that Gilbert and Sullivan parody. 559 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,164 Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event. 560 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,899 It's still hurricane season, right? Oh. 561 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,468 [people murmuring] 562 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,903 Oh, a blackout. That'll work. 563 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,605 (Pete) All right, Nobody panic! 564 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,240 The backup generator will kick in 565 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,908 in just a few seconds. 566 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:02,709 [crowd commotion] 567 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,412 [man] Turn the lights back on. 568 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,913 Okay, you can panic. 569 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:07,947 [everyone groaning and complaining] 570 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:08,815 (Liz) This is real. 571 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,851 We dodged a bullet here tonight, Lemon. 572 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:14,721 Yes, this blackout is a fortunate coincidence. 573 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:15,955 You didn't do it, right? 574 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,757 What, do you think I control the universe? 575 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:21,361 Yo, this blackout messed me up. 576 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,530 I didn't get to debut my dragon face. 577 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,498 Could I do the Today Show tomorrow? 578 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:26,866 No, you're on a plane to Boston tomorrow, Tray. 579 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,268 We have a laboratory. 580 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,902 They're experimenting in tattoo removal. 581 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,838 It promises to be one of our biggest profit centers 582 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,274 once today's generation finally sobers up. 583 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,775 Tattoo's fake, Donaghy. 584 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,244 Fake. 585 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,814 Street cred. He's a genius. 586 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,516 (man) Flashlight, $20! 587 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,485 Flashlight, $20! 588 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,354 Can I give you a ride? Flashlight, $20! 589 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,290 No. I wouldn't want to crowd you. 590 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,658 Be strong, Lemon. 591 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,227 Don't let Dennis chew his way out of this one. 592 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,229 (man) Flashlight, $20! 593 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,630 Can I borrow 20 bucks? 594 00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,800 (man) Flashlight, $20! 595 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,836 [snoring] 596 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:10,677 Dennis, wake up. 597 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:11,811 Huh? What? 598 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,746 You could've burned the place down. 599 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,882 [sighs] 600 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:19,619 I wish I had burned the place down. 601 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,622 There's no reason to live anymore. 602 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,756 What happened? 603 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,393 The Islanders lost tonight. 604 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,494 [scoffs] 605 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,228 Doesn't that happen a lot? 606 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,900 I knew you wouldn't understand. 607 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,810 [sobbing] 608 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:44,877 [snorts] 609 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,619 So how did it go? 610 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:53,753 He moved in with me. 611 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,555 Well, of course he did. 612 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,590 [beeping]