1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,736 Now, Robot, kick 'em in the knees. 2 00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,772 Bears have weak knees. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,674 And you should vibrate, 'cause the robot's full of radiation. 4 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:07,641 Yeah, that's it. Frank. 5 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:11,079 How many bears did I say you could have? One. 6 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:14,148 And how many do you see here? 7 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:16,117 Um, four? 8 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:18,219 Save a little money for the rest of us, Frank. 9 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,787 You can't spend a bunch of money on bear suits 10 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:23,057 that are only gonna be seen for, like, 25 seconds. 11 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:25,193 Liz, nobody's gonna believe that a killer robot 12 00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,560 can get his ass kicked by one bear. 13 00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:27,695 It doesn't make any sense. 14 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:31,232 You're trying to bring logic to the robot-bear sketch? 15 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,733 You can't have four bears. 16 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,335 Well, how many can I keep? 17 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,637 One! 18 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,706 Sorry, guys. 19 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,742 Uh, who did my Sudoku puzzle? 20 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,578 I have been looking forward to this puzzle all morning. 21 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,514 Hey, Liz, could you come up to my office 22 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,581 when you have a free moment? 23 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:48,849 I never have a free moment, Jack. 24 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,819 Never, ever. 25 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:55,289 Really punch him. Like karate. 26 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:58,292 Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki? 27 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,661 No. 28 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:04,265 It is the laying-on of hands in order to improve one's life. 29 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,100 Hm, how does your life improve? 30 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,501 Do the hands have money in them? 31 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,238 Human contact is important, Lemon. 32 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,505 I can tell from your stress level 33 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,175 that you have not been touched in any way in quite some time. 34 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,743 Not caressed. Not massaged. 35 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:16,844 Not even groped on the subway. 36 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,647 Where are you headed with this? Your mood affects 37 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,882 the quality of your work, which, in turn, affects me. 38 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,851 I would like to become a resource to you 39 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,853 for improving your personal life. 40 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,489 Do you agree that you need someone in your life, Lemon? 41 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,391 No, I have bigger things to worry about 42 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,759 than my personal life. 43 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,594 I would think that a single woman's biggest worry 44 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,663 would be choking to death alone in her apartment. 45 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,133 I have a friend in town I'd like to set you up with. 46 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,534 No, thank you. 47 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,570 Thomas is very bright, has a wonderful sense of humor. 48 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,238 I think it's a good match. Are you free on Thursday? 49 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,374 No, Thursday is poker night. 50 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,277 And by the way, it is completely inappropriate 51 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,645 for you to be questioning me about my private life, 52 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,381 and then trying to set me up with someone 53 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,349 when you don't even know anything about me. 54 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:58,419 Poker night? Who plays? 55 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,754 Really? That's all you got out of that? 56 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,623 I enjoy poker, and I'd be interested 57 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,226 in seeing my new employees under that kind of pressure. 58 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,495 You're not gonna come to our crappy poker game, are you? 59 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,330 No, I'm not. Good. 60 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:12,800 I bluffed. Yes, I am coming. 61 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,903 (Liz) Three can't go here. 62 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:19,673 Three can't go here. 63 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:20,808 It can go here. 64 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,811 [humorous jazz music] 65 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:30,651 * 66 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:36,557 [TV playing in background] 67 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,535 Uh! 68 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,772 Fine, I'll meet your friend. 69 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,707 [door slams] 70 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,944 [swing music] 71 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,413 * 72 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:02,850 [singers scatting] 73 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:08,422 * 74 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,824 [singers scatting] 75 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,964 So who is this Thomas guy? 76 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,700 Oh, I don't know. He's one of Jack's friends. 77 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,236 Oh, my God, isn't Jack friends with Tom DeLay? 78 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,738 Am I going on a date with Tom DeLay? 79 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:27,741 Ugh, why did I say I would do this? 80 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,244 I haven't been on a date since Dennis and I broke up, 81 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,979 and that was almost a year ago. 82 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:35,283 It's gonna be a complete disaster. It's just one date. 83 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,018 But if it is Tom DeLay and you do go home with him, 84 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,987 be prepared for it to get weird. 85 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,324 Josh, you and me. Thursday night. 86 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,626 I know this guy that runs an underground bird fight. 87 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,729 Oh, yeah. I can't do that. 88 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,264 Thursday's poker night here. 89 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,533 Guys, we just need to try the green screen stuff 90 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,601 one more time. 91 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,270 Poker night? I love poker. 92 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,839 I used to play all kinds of poker with my aunt. 93 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:02,376 Crazy Seven. Albuquerque Freakout. 94 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,278 One Card Stud. 95 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,013 Yeah, I don't think those are real games. 96 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,548 Whatever. 97 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:11,018 Get ready to get took. 98 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,753 No, Mom, I can't make it Friday. 99 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,855 I gotta work. 100 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,056 Hey, Frank? Hold on. 101 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,057 Yeah. 102 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,792 What do guys like? 103 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:20,728 Uh, porn. 104 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,664 No, I mean, if you were gonna go on a date with a woman, 105 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,299 how would you want her to act? 106 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,267 Like she was in a porn. 107 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:31,672 [elevator dings] 108 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,407 (Jack) Hey, Lemon. 109 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,409 You're on for 8:00 110 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:36,777 for dinner at Café des Artistes. 111 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,913 Really? Wow. 112 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,416 What? What are you gonna wear? 113 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,084 This, probably. I don't have time to go home. 114 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,655 No, that won't do. 115 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,723 I want you to go out on your lunch hour, 116 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:52,460 and find something. 117 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,962 At a women's clothing store. 118 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,768 Remind me what's better. 119 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,936 A pair of black Aces or a pair of red Aces? 120 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,474 You guys, I'm leaving. 121 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,476 (all) Whoo! Ow. 122 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,411 All right. All right. 123 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,912 Check out the valley. Look at that. 124 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,914 Hey, look at you! 125 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,918 You look like a fancy prostitute. 126 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,621 Okay, I got my chair. 127 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,789 I got my beer. 128 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,457 I got my lucky donut. 129 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:24,792 (Jack) Oh, is there room for one more? 130 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,727 Yeah, sure. Really? 131 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,429 That's fantastic. Could we just, uh-- 132 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,498 Yes, yes, yes. 133 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,700 Donaghy, what up? 134 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,634 What up, Tray? 135 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,103 This round, Texas Doozy. Face cards are wild. 136 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,805 Threes are jinx. 137 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,039 Fives are twos. 138 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,374 Tray, do you mind if I deal this hand? 139 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:41,809 Be my guest. Show me love. 140 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,645 Ladies and gentlemen, the minimum bet in this game is $25. 141 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,647 Oh, Jack, we usually just play for quarters. 142 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,517 Well, then you best go home and put on your daddy's shoes, boy. 143 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,919 'Cause this is a man's game. 144 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,423 I call. 145 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,763 And I'll see that with... 146 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:40,934 This thing. 147 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,638 I call. 148 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,773 Pair of Jacks. 149 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,074 Ace high. 150 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,776 Three cowboys. 151 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,746 Oh, my God. My wedding ring. 152 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,816 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 153 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,486 Now, you should all learn from Pete's mistake. 154 00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,853 (Pete) My wife's gonna kill me! 155 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,622 (Jack) You see, in poker as in business, 156 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,090 the key to success is to determine 157 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,826 your opponent's strength and, more importantly, 158 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:06,827 his weaknesses. 159 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,730 Everyone has a tell-- a weakness of character 160 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,665 that manifests itself physically. 161 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:12,833 Oh. 162 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:17,137 Like when Lutz here has a good hand, he stops eating. 163 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,807 When Frank is bluffing, he asks a series of inane questions 164 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:20,608 to hide his nervousness. 165 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,942 Oh, really? Is that what you think? 166 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:22,810 Is that what I do? 167 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,646 Am I doing that right now? Yeah, I'm out. 168 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,015 Okay, Rainman, tell me what I got. 169 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,785 Well, you have two of your cards backwards actually. 170 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,654 I'm out. 171 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,689 Hi. 172 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:38,692 Pinot grigio, please. 173 00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,501 This is beyond the pale. 174 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,770 Donaghy took me for $200. 175 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,572 Yeah, well I bet my rent money. 176 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,241 And if I don't pay by the tenth, my mom's gonna throw me out. 177 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,776 I'm all in. Anybody else? 178 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,646 Oh, I'll play with you, Mr. Donaghy. 179 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,115 Kenneth, how long you been sitting there? 180 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,918 I'm taking Pete's place, 'cause he's busy in the bathroom, 181 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,754 laying in his own sick. 182 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,026 Oh, my God. 183 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,729 He can't read Kenneth. 184 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:16,797 He's a blank slate. 185 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,833 Okay, what do you got? 186 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:23,671 I think I have what they refer to as a royal flush. 187 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,973 Looks like I'm the big winner. 188 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,217 Thank you. 189 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,689 (woman) Liz, hi. 190 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,991 I'm Gretchen Thomas. Jack's friend. 191 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,728 Hey. 192 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,763 Great to meet you. Hi. 193 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,637 Why would Jack just assume that we're lesbians? 194 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:57,905 I am a lesbian. 195 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,073 Mm, that's awesome. 196 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,274 Is this the first time 197 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,977 somebody's made that assumption about you? 198 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,146 (woman) Lemon, don't let these girls 199 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:09,850 give you a hard time about who you are. 200 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,120 You know, you need to brush your teeth more, young man. 201 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,655 Oh, my. 202 00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,725 What an adorable little lesbian. 203 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,693 What? I don't know. 204 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,595 Who remembers that kind of thing? 205 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:24,865 Well, look, obviously this is a miscommunication. 206 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,934 I mean, I'm certainly not interested in chasing 207 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,268 a straight girl. Of course, yeah. 208 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,269 I completely understand 209 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,671 if you just want to go home. 210 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,706 No, it's fine. I'll stay. 211 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,907 Jack is ridiculous. 212 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,843 Oh, I worked with Jack in Plastics. 213 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,245 He tends to approach everything the same way. 214 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,180 Locate the problem. Isolate the problem. 215 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,281 Set the problem up with a lesbian. 216 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:44,785 That's a pretty good joke for somebody from Plastics. 217 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:45,886 Well, I wasn't always in Plastics. 218 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,856 I used to work in Water and Process Technologies. 219 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,290 Working mainly in primary metals. 220 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,893 Oh, so you have a comedy background. 221 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,735 How was your evening with Thomas? 222 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,036 You mean, Gretchen Thomas? 223 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:06,139 The brilliant plastics engineer/lesbian? 224 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,375 What made you think I was gay? 225 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,743 Your shoes. 226 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,845 Well, I'm straight. 227 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,781 Those shoes are definitely bi-curious. 228 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,749 Regardless, I am straight. 229 00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,385 100% completely straight. 230 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,153 Well, I'm sorry if I offended you. 231 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,922 No, I'm not offended-- Good. 232 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,057 What do you know about Kenneth the page? 233 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,059 I don't know. He's a sweet kid. Yes. 234 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,828 And a surprisingly good poker player. 235 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,162 Did you know that his middle name is Ellen? 236 00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,330 No, that's weird. 237 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,399 And that his Myers-Briggs psychological testing shows 238 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,533 shows a rare combination 239 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,869 of extroverted, intuitive and aggressive? Really? 240 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:36,870 The same as mine. 241 00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,839 He could be trouble down the line. Kenneth. 242 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,008 Kenneth Ellen. 243 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,409 All right then. You're not a lesbian. 244 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,845 Duly noted. I'll correct that on your file. 245 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:45,946 It's too bad, though. 246 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,347 Thomas thought you were great. 247 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,349 She did? Yes. 248 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,384 She said she thought you looked like Jennifer Jason Leigh. 249 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,886 Really? She said that? 250 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,321 Yes, I made her repeat it. 251 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,023 I was sure she meant Jason Lee. 252 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,767 (Kenneth) Miss Lemon. Yeah. 253 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,869 This is Pete's wedding ring. 254 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,838 I won it last night, but I don't think I should keep it. 255 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,874 Could you give it back to him for me? Yeah, okay. 256 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,175 Did you win this, too? 257 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,409 I did. 258 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,345 I love how the light catches it like diamonds. 259 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,113 Kenneth, it is diamonds. 260 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:23,784 Ah. 261 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,853 Hi, Mr. Donaghy. 262 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:26,987 Can I help you with something? 263 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,289 You are a puzzle... 264 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:32,259 Kenneth Ellen. 265 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,294 And I'm going to solve you. 266 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,299 Yes, I am. 267 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,770 I can't believe you bet your wedding ring. I know. 268 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,938 The weird thing is I had money left. 269 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:48,441 Hey, um, what famous person would you say I look like? 270 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,043 Uh, present day Linda Ronstadt. 271 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,145 No, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Tootsie. 272 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,914 Never mind. 273 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,984 So how was your date? It wasn't a good match. 274 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,485 What happened? Did he notice your facial tic? 275 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,788 No. (Frank) Did you wear sandals? 276 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,122 Did he see your toes? No. 277 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,290 You blew it, didn't you? 278 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,025 (all) Good job, Liz. Way to go. 279 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,526 Another one bites the dust. 280 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,095 Ah, look at your little face. 281 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,763 It was a lady. 282 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:13,366 [laughter] 283 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,534 Are you serious? 284 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,237 Oh! 285 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:21,008 [laughter] 286 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,343 Where is my Emmy? 287 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:34,121 [TV playing in background] 288 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,932 [phone ringing] 289 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,466 Hello? 290 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,535 Hi, Gretchen. It's Liz Lemon. 291 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,570 Oh, hi. 292 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,974 Look, this is gonna sound really weird, but, um, 293 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,243 do you every worry about choking to death 294 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,878 alone in your apartment? 295 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,013 Oh, it's so weird you would say that. 296 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,882 I think about it all the time. 297 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,817 I mean, you'd die, and they wouldn't find you 298 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,219 until your neighbor's dog smelled you from the hallway. 299 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,088 Ugh, yes, and they'd show a picture of you 300 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,222 on New York One. 301 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,457 And it's not just choking. 302 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:11,925 Ever since I turned 30, 303 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,861 every time I get in or out of the bathtub, 304 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,129 I think in my head, "Careful, careful." 305 00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,998 Yes! Agh. 306 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,499 Everything's the worst. 307 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:20,500 [laughs] 308 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,935 Do you want to get some dinner? 309 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:22,870 Sure. 310 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,872 See you in 20 at Neptune. Yeah, okay. 311 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,273 Perfect, yeah. Oh! 312 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,442 Ow, ow, ow! 313 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,880 I did not die. 314 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,883 [upbeat jazz music] 315 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:41,021 * 316 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,356 Man, this is amazing. 317 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,357 Oh, hey, Jack. 318 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,926 Welcome. Welcome, everybody. 319 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,861 Damn, Jack, you went all out. 320 00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:48,929 That's a giant shrimp. 321 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,598 Made out of shrimp and diving into a bowl of shrimp. 322 00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,066 Please, enjoy it, Tracy. 323 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,501 Hey, Pete, good to see you. Jack. 324 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,635 Is Kenneth here? 325 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,939 I--I will check. 326 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,410 (Tracy) I've been playing for two hours. 327 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,946 I'm tired of losing. 328 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,882 I'm gonna let my boy, Dotcom, play a hand for me. 329 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:13,053 So, hey, Dotcom, are we going to those three clubs tonight? 330 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:18,425 You know the doctor said I have four hearts in my body? 331 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,559 All right. Great. 332 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,994 Of course he did. Come on. 333 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,562 Damn it. 334 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,934 Hey, everybody, this is Gretchen. 335 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,101 (all) Oh, hey. 336 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,570 Oh, Thomas. Jack. 337 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,606 How's everybody up there in Pittsfield? Oh, we miss you. 338 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,542 I love this woman. 339 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,649 Let's play some poker. 340 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:53,093 I call. What have you got, Kenneth? 341 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,963 All clovers. I win. 342 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,132 Very clever boy, Kenneth. 343 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,234 But the curtain has been drawn back now, 344 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,270 and I know the real you. 345 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,541 [whispering] I think he's confusing me with someone else. 346 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,946 Liz, are you sure you're not gay? 347 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,347 'Cause that chick is hot. 348 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,217 We're just friends, like Oprah and Gayle. 349 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,252 Why is that so hard for everybody to believe? 350 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,327 She's great. You should marry that girl. 351 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,029 One problem. 352 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,697 I'm not gay. 353 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,633 Oh, Lemon, in the ten years that I've known you, 354 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,369 you've had some really terrible boyfriends. I have. 355 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,637 There was the guy who was obsessed 356 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,738 with Charlie Chaplin. Neil. 357 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,007 There was the guy who played Halo 358 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,241 under the name Slutbanger. Dennis. 359 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,609 There was a tall, gangly, red-haired guy 360 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,178 who played guitar all the time. Conan. 361 00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:46,479 You're more relaxed with Gretchen 362 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:47,714 than you were with any of those guys. 363 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,349 So what are you saying, Pete? 364 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,683 I should just be a lesbian? 365 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:51,751 Well, I'm not saying it'll be easy. 366 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,986 You know, get drunk first. 367 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:56,556 Why do guys think women can just flip a switch like that? 368 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,359 Like, what if I said to you, "Go be with Frank now"? 369 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,727 Ah, I would be honored. 370 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,063 Frank is a very tender, 371 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,632 beautiful man. 372 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,475 (Frank) He's awesome. 373 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,078 You can't read his thoughts, 'cause he doesn't have any. 374 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,981 I raise you 200. 375 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:27,187 And I see your 200 and raise you 300. 376 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:30,623 [chuckling] 377 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:34,094 [bad Southern accent] Will you, little Kenneth Ellen Parcell 378 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,428 from Stone Mountain, Georgia? 379 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:36,763 Growing up 380 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,731 in your momma's tract house, dreaming of working 381 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,167 on a TV show? 382 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,204 Dreaming of making it all the way to the NBC. 383 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,639 You're scaring me, Mr. Donaghy. 384 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,807 You've come a long way, 385 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,242 haven't you, Kenneth Ellen? 386 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:52,145 With your cheap loafers and your page jacket, 387 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,181 but you'll always be a pig farmer's son, boy. 388 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,684 'Cause I smell fried bologna all over you. 389 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,754 I'm all in. 390 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,290 [chips scatter] 391 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,158 I'm out of chips, Mr. Donaghy. 392 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,659 Hey, I got a fun idea. 393 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,695 You put your page jacket on the table, 394 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,630 and if you win, you can get it back. 395 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,733 If you lose, you go on home. 396 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,536 You go on home, little Kenneth Ellen. 397 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:19,072 All the way to Stone Mountain. 398 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,373 (all) He's bluffing. Go for it. 399 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:21,574 He's bluffing. 400 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,543 Come on, trust yourself. 401 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,246 Trust yourself. Don't do it. 402 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:27,280 No! You can do it. 403 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,482 Okay, okay. Come on. 404 00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,683 Use your instincts. You've got good instincts. 405 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:34,087 Do it, Kenneth. 406 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,423 I've got a pair of twos. 407 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,292 Well, let's just seeby-weeby here. 408 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,828 I've got a two, a four, 409 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,098 a nine, a six, and a King. 410 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,300 [gasping] 411 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,736 [laughing] 412 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,771 That means I win. 413 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,417 Kenneth. 414 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:07,287 Why did you bet that terrible hand? 415 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,321 Why? 416 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:11,691 Because...I believe that life is for the living. 417 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,260 I believe in taking risks 418 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,262 and biting off more than you can chew. 419 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,663 And also, people were yelling, 420 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,800 and I got confused about the rules. 421 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,270 (Jack) Kenneth. 422 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,573 I wasn't really going to fire you. 423 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,409 I just wanted to remind you that I could. 424 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,345 I want you back here at 6:00 in the morning sharp 425 00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,281 so you can sweep up these shrimp tails. 426 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,249 Yes, sir, Mr. Donaghy. 427 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:39,252 Uh, I'm gonna have my eye on you, Kenneth. 428 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:43,223 You will not be disappointed, sir. 429 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,229 Well, it was nice of you to let him keep his job. 430 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,464 The Italians have a saying, Lemon. 431 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,466 "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." 432 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,901 And although they've never won a war, 433 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,803 or mass-produced a decent car, 434 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,372 in this area, they are correct. 435 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,708 In five years, we'll all either be working for him... 436 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,645 or be dead by his hand. 437 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:08,548 [bicycle bell dings] 438 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,685 Hey, after Ikea tomorrow, 439 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,688 you wanna go see Margaret Cho at the Beacon? Oh, boy. 440 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,890 Um, Oprah? Yes, Gayle. 441 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,192 I think we need to take a break. 442 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,861 Is this because I wanted to submit us for The Amazing Race? 443 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,264 Because I was 80% joking about that. 444 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:26,199 No, it's-- 445 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,735 You know, I said I'm not into chasing straight girls. 446 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,671 And I kinda think that's what's starting to happen here. 447 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,473 So... 448 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,807 unless you're ready to make a big life change, 449 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,677 I need to move on, find my Steadman. 450 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,779 I thought I was Oprah in this metaphor. 451 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,282 Also, you're gay, so that's a little confusing. 452 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,617 You should say, like, "My lady Steadman." Okay. 453 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:45,785 I'm going out on a limb here. 454 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,655 Okay, sorry. Um, it's just-- 455 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,624 If I try to imagine us being together, 456 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,627 I think, "Yeah, okay, this could be fun, you know? 457 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,597 "Picking out furniture and making flower beds 458 00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,798 out of old railroad ties." 459 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,301 But the thing is, 460 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,804 if I'm gonna be with someone, it has to be a guy. 461 00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,973 You sound pretty sure about that. 462 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,408 What can I say? 463 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,643 I love a bald spot and a hairy back. 464 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,745 You're alone there. 465 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:15,348 I should go. 466 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,317 I'll see you around. Okay, wait. 467 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,386 Um, what if we made a pact? 468 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,488 What if we say that in, like, 25 years, 469 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,889 if neither of us has someone, 470 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,358 we'll move in together and be roommates. 471 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,359 And even though 472 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,895 I am not into the sex stuff, 473 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,797 if it helps you... 474 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,632 I would let you... 475 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,767 do stuff to me. 476 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,769 I can't be around you anymore. 477 00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,805 Bye, Liz. 478 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,741 That's funny. That's what the guys always say. 479 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,578 Who's gonna go with me to cooking class next weekend? 480 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,714 Well, if by "cooking class" you mean your bed, 481 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:48,715 and by "next weekend" 482 00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,250 you mean tonight-- Oh, shut up. 483 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,455 I can see your wedding ring. Idiot.