1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,272 [exciting instrumental music] 2 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:09,543 * 3 00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,079 Excuse me. There's a line, buddy. 4 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,246 There's two lines. 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,581 No, no, there's one line. 6 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,715 We're in it. 7 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,550 I'm just getting a hot dog. 8 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,186 We're all getting hot dogs. 9 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,587 What, you think there's two lines 10 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,688 and we're all in this line-- 11 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,457 you're the only genius that got in the other line? 12 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:24,658 Can you believe this guy? 13 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,661 Don't line up behind him. 14 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,696 He cheated you. 15 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:29,763 Hey, shut up. 16 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,232 What do you want on yours, baby? 17 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,167 I want all the hot dogs, please. 18 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,835 Yeah, I'm--I'm buying all the hot dogs. 19 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,070 Oh, come on, lady. 20 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,738 [customers shouting angrily] 21 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:40,141 And I'm giving them to the good people. 22 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,375 [upbeat '60s-style pop music] 23 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:42,576 * Who's that 24 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,745 * Kicking it down the street 25 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,148 * Causin' a stir 26 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,383 * Who's that 27 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,719 * I know that you're wondrin' That's her * 28 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,388 * That's her, that's her, that's her, that's her * 29 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:57,091 * Who's got The kind of charisma that * 30 00:00:57,125 --> 00:01:00,661 * The boys prefer 31 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,863 * Who's hot And you know that she knows it * 32 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,098 * That's her 33 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,666 * She's like a summer sky 34 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,135 * It's like some cherry pie 35 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,104 * And there is butterfly Me oh my * 36 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:13,741 * Who flaunts her feminine magic That's her * 37 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,842 That's me! 38 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,344 (male voice) That's Pam! 39 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,412 The overly-confident morbidly obese woman. 40 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:22,383 This fat suit smells like corn chips. 41 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,717 (female voice) Going again, please. Thank you. 42 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,853 And this is the set of The Girlie Show. 43 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,722 It's a real fun ladies' comedy show for ladies. 44 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,391 Hey, everybody. 45 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,693 Look, here's someone you never get a chance to meet. 46 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,794 It's the head writer of The Girlie Show, 47 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,229 Liz Lemon! 48 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,797 [tour guide clapping] 49 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,267 [belches] 50 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,637 The Girlie Show. 51 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,773 Hold on, I'll connect you. 52 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:46,707 Hey. What's up? 53 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,242 Hey, have you looked at that Cat Lady sketch? 54 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:49,510 It's still seven minutes long. 55 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:50,544 Yikes, okay. 56 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,812 Oh, and Standards has a problem 57 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:52,846 with that Michael Jackson bit. 58 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,282 But why? 59 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,783 Apparently you can't say he's got a vagina. 60 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,851 Oh, it's--fine, I'll just take the whole thing out. 61 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,820 Hey, you gotta tell that NBC page 62 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,189 to take it down a notch. 63 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,390 Oh, you mean Ken? 64 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:04,625 Yeah, he just embarrassed me in front of a whole tour group. 65 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,727 I'll talk to him. What is this? 66 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,761 Ah, well, you know how I hate it 67 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,762 when people cheat or break rules? 68 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:09,930 Yes, I do. 69 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,932 Well, I just spent 150 bucks on wieners. 70 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,201 Atta boy. 71 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,503 Chumley. 72 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,506 The beverage situation around here is reprehensible. 73 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,341 Oh, good morning, sunshine. 74 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,809 Surely our massive conglomerate 75 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:26,680 parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee. 76 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,616 Yeah, or like a big coffee dispenser. 77 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,351 That's what a samovar is. 78 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:33,754 Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel? 79 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,489 Uh, Cerie, 80 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,790 do you wanna get some coffee? 81 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,892 No, thank you. 82 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,394 No? 83 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,729 Hey, Josh. 84 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,297 I need to change your Michael Jackson thing. 85 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,566 Didn't you tell me you had a Jay Leno impression? 86 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check it out. 87 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:50,538 [bad Leno impression] So, uh, President Bush is in the news again. 88 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,739 Have you heard about this? 89 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:52,640 No, Jay Leno. 90 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,475 The host of the Tonight Show. Yeah. 91 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,843 I thought that's what I was doing. 92 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,745 [as Leno] So, uh, my wife Mavis and I 93 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,747 like to go shopping for old cars. 94 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,814 You know? No, no. 95 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,882 Like Jay Leno. 96 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,317 Like, "Hey, here are the headlines." 97 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,485 [writers imitating Leno] 98 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,819 You ever--you ever notice 99 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,655 when you eat a lot of cheese, and you-- 100 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,757 How is that different from what I was doing, though? 101 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,626 And I don't think you need to introduce the writers 102 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,794 to the tour group. 103 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:14,662 I agree. 104 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,664 I thought they would find it interesting, 105 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,865 but they really did not. 106 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,000 Well, Kenneth, just respect their privacy. 107 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,303 I promise I'll do better, Mr. Hornberger. 108 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,571 Sure you will. I just-- 109 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,440 I just love television so much. 110 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,310 We all do. 111 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,712 Liz, they want you and Pete on the 50th floor. 112 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:32,513 Who, Gary? All right. 113 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,914 Tell him I'll be up in half an hour. 114 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,717 No, they said now. 115 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,252 If they got cookies up there, grab some. 116 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,820 Ooh, and get them to pay for my Samovar. 117 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:40,921 Of course, I mean, I assume 118 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:41,922 that's what we're meeting about. 119 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,591 What about, uh, Ray Romano? 120 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:44,658 Can you do Ray? 121 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:45,926 [as Ray Romano] Hey. 122 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,561 God, oh. 123 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,929 Debra. There you go. 124 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,464 My brother's tall. 125 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,999 Right? 126 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,534 Are we in trouble or something? 127 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,769 No way. Gary loves the show. 128 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,471 Pleased with the ratings. 129 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,307 Right. Of course. 130 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,342 They love us. 131 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,613 [hammering and drilling] 132 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,780 Where's Gary? 133 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,285 Gary's dead. 134 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,353 I'm Jack Donaghy. 135 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,387 New VP of development 136 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,022 for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart. 137 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,557 Oh, we own Kmart now. 138 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,825 No. 139 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,860 So why are you dressed like we do? 140 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,865 I'm surprised you're renovating. 141 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,400 This is such a nice office. 142 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,536 It's a great office, but sometimes, you have to 143 00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,404 change things that are perfectly good 144 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,573 just to, uh, make them your own. 145 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,309 Please. 146 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,611 Ah, I'll call her back. 147 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,313 Is she at the White House line? 148 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,247 Great. 149 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,783 Tell them I need a 4:00 a.m. tee off time. 150 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:46,554 Uh, five inches, but it's thick. 151 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:51,559 Are you familiar with the GE Tri-vection Oven? 152 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,927 I don't cook very much. 153 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,763 Sure, I got you. 154 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,866 New York, third wave feminist, college educated. 155 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,868 Single and pretending to be happy about it. 156 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,036 Overscheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine 157 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,439 that says "Healthy body image" on the cover. 158 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,840 And every two years, 159 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,776 you take up knitting for... 160 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:09,977 [pops tongue] 161 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,379 A week. 162 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,080 That is dead on! 163 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,848 What, are you gonna guess my weight now? 164 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,617 You don't want me to do that. 165 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,985 That knitting thing is uncanny. 166 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,420 How do you do that? 167 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,054 Market research, my friend. 168 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,591 Years and years of market research, 169 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,526 which lead to my greatest triumph. 170 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,561 The Tri-vection oven. 171 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,931 Oh, my wife wants one of those. 172 00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,433 Could we get Pete an oven, please? 173 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,834 Hey. The GE Tri-vection oven 174 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,836 cooks perfect food five times faster 175 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,904 than a conventional oven, 176 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:37,971 because it uses three kinds of heat. 177 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,741 Thermal technology for consistent temperature. 178 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,843 GE Precise Air convection technology 179 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,077 for optimal air circulation, 180 00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:47,848 and microwave technology for incredible speed. 181 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,483 With three kinds of heat, 182 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:54,087 you can cook a turkey in 22 minutes. 183 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,957 Wow. That is impressive. 184 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,726 The people upstairs think so. 185 00:05:58,759 --> 00:05:59,793 That's why they promoted me. 186 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,129 That's why they sent me here to retool your show. 187 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,498 Retool what now? 188 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,934 I'm the new vice president of east coast television 189 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,536 and microwave oven programming. 190 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,639 That sounds like you program microwave ovens. 191 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,774 I like you. 192 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:17,478 You have the boldness of a much younger woman. 193 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:21,014 [electric saw buzzing] 194 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:24,585 Lee, does my face look bloated to you? 195 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,788 When I played that lady rapist on Law & Order, 196 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,624 guess what the makeup guy put on under my eyes 197 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:31,892 to take the puffiness out? 198 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,627 Hemorrhoid cream. 199 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,728 [laughs] 200 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,132 Ms. Maroney? 201 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,701 I have the cat wrangler here for you. 202 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,504 Oh, is it that horrible little--Hi. 203 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,873 Hey. Greta Johannsen. 204 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,107 It's short for "LaGreta." 205 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,909 Hi, great to see you again. You too. 206 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,944 I'm here to introduce you to feline actors 207 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:51,812 you're gonna be working with tonight. 208 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,881 Okay. This is Po-Po. 209 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,849 And this here is Captain Boots. Hello. 210 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,017 Uh, would you describe yourself 211 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,118 as "cat competent?" 212 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,153 Oh, yes. I love cats. 213 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,789 I used to have two cats. 214 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,757 But then I moved to this place with hardwood floors, 215 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,092 so we had to put them down. 216 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,094 [cat purring] 217 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,962 I'm joking. 218 00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,464 (Jack) I've done several focus groups, 219 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,900 on this show, and what I've gleaned-- 220 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,803 The blonde, big-eyed girl 221 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,871 is popular with women and older gays. 222 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,541 Jenna, that's my friend Jenna. 223 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,776 And the kid with the funny hair is liked by women, 224 00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:26,146 but you're missing men between 18 and 49. 225 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,248 I'm not missing them, they're just not there. 226 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,183 I think I can fix that. 227 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,920 So your job is, you take things 228 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,622 that are already working, and you fix them. 229 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,757 That's a great job. 230 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,158 Okay, let's-- Why don't we, um-- 231 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,561 You're missing that third kind of heat. 232 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,863 I want you to think about Tracy Jordan. 233 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,264 Okay--the black guy? 234 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,966 The black movie star. 235 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,135 I flew with him on a private jet to the Super Bowl recently, 236 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,637 and I found him very entertaining. 237 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,271 Isn't he, um... 238 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,106 crazy? 239 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,909 Tracy's had his problems in the last few years. 240 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,011 I am a Jedi! 241 00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,614 I am a Jedi! 242 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,616 I am a Jedi! [cars honking] 243 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,817 The important thing to remember is, 244 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,886 he was never charged with a crime. 245 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,155 It's not illegal to fall asleep on your neighbor's roof. 246 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,923 Nor should it be. 247 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,793 Tracy Jordan is the third heat. 248 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,062 I don't know where we're gonna find room in the budget 249 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,597 for a guy like Tracy Jordan. 250 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,031 I think I do. 251 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,070 What are you doing? 252 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,905 Sometimes when I have these stress dreams, 253 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,708 if I go to sleep in the dream, I come out of it. 254 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,243 "This is not a dream." 255 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,279 Tracy Jordan 256 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,847 is in New York today, Liz. 257 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,616 I'd like you to have lunch with him. 258 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,885 We have a show tonight, Mr. Donaghy. 259 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,587 I don't know if your research covered this, 260 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,055 but we do a dress rehearsal, and then a live show. 261 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,090 That's tonight. 262 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,625 This is lunch. 263 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,927 If it's not a good fit, I'll drop the whole thing. 264 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,830 If I meet with Tracy Jordan, and we mutually agree 265 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,832 that this is the worst idea ever, 266 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,000 you'll back off? 267 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,802 I'm known for being reasonable. 268 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,171 [sighs] 269 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,306 Okay. 270 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,941 Alfredo, 2:00 p.m. 271 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,576 I'm not dressed for that. 272 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,777 You're dressed for Burger King. 273 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:04,945 Should we make it Burger King? 274 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,749 Pete, hang back for me. 275 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,784 Yeah, you bet. 276 00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,992 Hey. 277 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,360 What happened to your head? 278 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,895 Uh, the sky is falling. 279 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,731 Do you have a pair of dress pants 280 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,833 or a skirt or something I could borrow? 281 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,835 Thank you, Lee. Whatever. 282 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,770 Hey, you know in that Cat Lady sketch? 283 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,639 Do I have to hold a real cat? 284 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,140 Cat Lady sketch? That thing's gonna get cut. 285 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,308 (Jenna) Oh, good. 286 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,210 Who's that? 287 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,312 That is the new network dude. 288 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,348 Mmm, yummers. 289 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,350 He reminds me of Scotty on General Hospital. 290 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,918 What? No, ew, Jenna. 291 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,087 Do not like that man. That is a bad man. 292 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,922 God, you have a gift. 293 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,958 Laura Bush is your size. 294 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,329 [energetic music] 295 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,800 * 296 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:01,669 Hi, uh, what are you doing down here? 297 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,170 I'm known for being hands-on. 298 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,738 Clearly. 299 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,874 That's how you should dress for work, by the way. 300 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,843 Yeah, if I was president of the Philippines. 301 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,780 * 302 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,314 Afghanistan is a different situation... 303 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,016 [restaurant patrons murmuring] 304 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,851 I'll have an apple juice. 305 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,186 Oh, we don't have apple juice, sir. 306 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,656 Then I'll take a vodka and tonic. 307 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,392 Hi, I'm Liz Lemon. 308 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,060 I know who you are. 309 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,732 I thought there was a... 310 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,201 strict dress code at this place. 311 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,203 I do recommend the pumpkin ravioli. 312 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,938 They're very subtle. 313 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,209 So, Tracy, this Jack Donaghy guy wanted me 314 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,812 to talk to you about joining the cast of our show. 315 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,847 And I don't know how you feel about that-- 316 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,149 Lemme ask you a question. Everybody at this table. 317 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,885 Did he just say the word "pumpkin" to me? 318 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:55,055 Yes, um, pumpkin ravioli. 319 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,456 Yo! I'm buggin'. 320 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,826 I can't do this. I cannot eat here. 321 00:10:58,859 --> 00:10:59,960 I can't eat here. 322 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,696 I got to go someplace where they make food that I like. 323 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,100 Lemon, let's go. 324 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,936 I will not work with Tracy Jordan. 325 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,037 It's just a rumor. 326 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,471 Have you seen any of his movies? 327 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,273 The guy's sensibility is just cretinous. 328 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,975 I saw the one where he plays, 329 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,777 like, five different characters. 330 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:17,911 Yeah, Black Cop/White Cop. 331 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,312 No. Um... 332 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,281 Who Dat Ninja? No, he-- 333 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,917 He had to pretend to be this old lady... 334 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,919 [high-pitched voice] Ooh, ooh, ooh! 335 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,054 Goodness gracious! 336 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,956 You hooligans better watch out. 337 00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,725 [deep thug voice] 'Cause this honky grandma be trippin'! 338 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:34,027 Oh, yeah. That movie was hilarious. 339 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,129 I saw it like five times. 340 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,033 Where's the love? 341 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,770 [customers cheering] 342 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,072 Right on, let me get two apple chickens 343 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,173 and some pecan waffles. 344 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,276 Nothing for me, I-- 345 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,511 I had, like, four hot dogs this morning. 346 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,013 Eat, Lemon. Eat! 347 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,915 I hate skinny women. 348 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,183 Hey, Lorna. 349 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,019 Ten beers. 350 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,221 So, Tracy, we should talk about the show. 351 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,756 Yeah, I ain't doing it 352 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,057 unless I can get to do it my way. 353 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,325 You know, I want it to be raw. 354 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,960 HBO-style content. 355 00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,962 Well, it's not HBO. It's TV. 356 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,131 And I don't think that it's a good fit-- 357 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,133 You know, cause I wanna drop truth bombs. 358 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,302 You know how pissed off I was when Us Weekly said 359 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,336 that I was on crack? 360 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,905 That's racism. 361 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,072 I'm not on crack. 362 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,540 I'm straight up mentally ill! 363 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,842 Sure. 364 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,410 I got mental health issues. 365 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,946 Sure, well, you know... Who doesn't, really? 366 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,984 Hey, has anyone seen Liz? Or Pete? 367 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:31,985 She went out. 368 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,854 Well, who's in charge when they're not here? 369 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,022 I'm in charge. 370 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,857 Oh. Okay. 371 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,927 Um, well, I'm not sure about this costume. 372 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,161 I think it's hot. 373 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,863 [giggling] Thank you. 374 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,131 I'm Jenna, by the way. 375 00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,032 Ms. Moroney, 376 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,900 I got the hemorrhoid cream you wanted. 377 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,906 It's for my face. 378 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,908 Well, wherever you're putting it, 379 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:55,976 I think it's working. 380 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,882 You know, I don't-- I don't think you'd like it. 381 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,316 'Cause we work a lot of hours, 382 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,418 and it's live TV, which is risky. 383 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,854 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like risky. 384 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,856 See, me and you, we play the game. 385 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:09,890 We know how to be acceptable. 386 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,491 [fawning] Hello, great meeting. 387 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,993 I drink coffee, please. 388 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,995 This show is our chance 389 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:15,929 to break the shackles. 390 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,198 'Cause the white dudes want to see us fail. 391 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,067 What white dudes? 392 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,334 All of 'em. 393 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,036 Jack Donaghy, General Electric, 394 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,938 George Bush, Karl Robe. 395 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,239 Karl Robe, you say? 396 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,174 Affirmative action 397 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,342 was designed to keep women and minorities 398 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,844 in competition with each other. 399 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,612 To distract us while white dudes 400 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,015 inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. 401 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,249 That's a metaphor. 402 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,851 Sure. 403 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,452 You should tell that to Us Weekly. 404 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,925 Hey, Lemon. You like karaoke? 405 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:45,959 I know a joint. 406 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,160 No, no, I-- I gotta wrap up 407 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:48,929 this lunch meeting, Tracy. 408 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,000 I'll take you. I'll take you. 409 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:56,036 I just gotta make a quick stop first. 410 00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,505 [pounding bass line] 411 00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,873 [patrons clapping and whistling] 412 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:00,874 You know what, 413 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:03,043 when people say they need to make a quick stop, 414 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,378 they usually mean at the bank or the store. 415 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,081 No, thank you. 416 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,482 You know what, 417 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,919 this is for computer classes. 418 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,286 Know why I should do this TV show, Lemon? 419 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,022 I really don't. 420 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,389 To get you rich. 421 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,991 'Cause you know if I'm on that TV show, 422 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:18,992 it's gon' blow up. 423 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,961 How do you know I'm not rich? 424 00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,262 Your teeth. 425 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,231 You got to think like these strippers, Lemon. 426 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,934 They know the window of opportunity's 427 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,335 only open for a moment. 428 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,970 You gotta get in when you're young. 429 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:30,904 Get the money and get out. 430 00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:33,073 Yeah, well, I'm not a sex worker, Tracy. 431 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,274 I don't have sex for a living. 432 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,575 Neither do we. 433 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,477 Neither do they. 434 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,646 [quietly] Yes, they do. 435 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,492 Where is my phone? 436 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:56,997 [karaoke track of Love is a Battlefield] 437 00:14:57,030 --> 00:15:00,567 * We are strong 438 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:05,973 * No one can tell us we're wrong * 439 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:10,043 * Searching our hearts for so lo-ong * 440 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:12,045 He's got charisma. 441 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:16,016 No, that's Charisma over there. 442 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:16,683 [phone rings] 443 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,718 Girlie Show. 444 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,553 [Liz on phone] Ken, send me a car, okay? 445 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,022 What is your location? 446 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,524 Dark Sensations, in the Bronx. 447 00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,259 I wish you were here. 448 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,029 Mr. Donaghy does not get us showbiz people. 449 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,697 Let me talk to Pete, okay? 450 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,632 Oh, Pete got fired this morning. 451 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,667 That's so weird that you don't know that. 452 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,577 Jack Donaghy thinks he's gonna come into my house 453 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,678 and mess with my show? 454 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,280 Hell no. 455 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,416 Jenna and I worked for years 456 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,583 to get this show. 457 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,986 You know, I moved from Chicago for this. 458 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,221 From Chicago? 459 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,223 I was in Scottie Pippen's wedding. 460 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,725 Now Donaghy is trying to steal it from us. 461 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:02,996 He already fired Pete, who is a great producer. 462 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:05,732 He fired Pete? He can't fire Pete. 463 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,634 You know what, I quit. He can suck it. 464 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,735 Mm-hmm. 465 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,270 Yeah, suck it, Pete. 466 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,671 No, you're not listening. 467 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:14,474 You're not a good listener. 468 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,708 (stage manager) 20 minutes to air. 469 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,011 But Liz said we were cutting the cat lady sketch. 470 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,579 She said it stinks. Ouch. 471 00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:20,747 This is why Liz is wrong. 472 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:23,216 Animal humor is universal. 473 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,118 I just don't think that I'm good in it. 474 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,253 Do you think I'm good in it? 475 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,587 I think this is your opportunity 476 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,422 to go out there and prove everybody wrong. 477 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,491 What--what do you mean? Who's everybody? 478 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,559 The network that wanted to fire you, 479 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,761 the focus groups that said you had a weird eye-- 480 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:35,728 You mean this eye? 481 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,497 Okay, this eye-- It doesn't open all the way 482 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,666 because when I was little, my sister peed in it. 483 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:40,800 Tonight is your opportunity to go out there 484 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,369 and change all of our minds. 485 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,704 What? 486 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,706 [tearing up] Where is Liz? 487 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,308 Liz?! 488 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,342 [loud hip-hop music] 489 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,577 * Yo yo yo, Go, baby pop * 490 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,645 * Yeah, you come and give me a kiss * 491 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:56,316 * Better make it fast, or else I'm gonna get busy * 492 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,285 * Can't you hear the music pumping hard * 493 00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,552 * Like I wish you would * 494 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,421 (woman on P.A.) Four minutes to air. 495 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,555 That's four minutes to air. 496 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:03,790 Is Liz back yet? 497 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,193 No, which cat do you want Jenna to carry? 498 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,294 I'm sorry? 499 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,296 Which cat? Oh. 500 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,665 I want...that one. 501 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,435 (woman on P.A.) Jack Donaghy to the control room, please. 502 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,469 Jack Donaghy. 503 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,071 Peanut's not an actor. 504 00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,639 I just--I just rescued him from a lab. 505 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:20,673 [cats meowing] 506 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,708 [exhales] 507 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,679 Hey, Lemon, I'll drop you off. 508 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,481 Where do you live? 509 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,317 The studio. 510 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,851 I want you to drop me at the studio. 511 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,354 I want to tell Donaghey to his face that I quit. 512 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,223 And I want to do it in front of the whole crew, 513 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,258 so that they know he didn't fire me. 514 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,128 I wanna see that. 515 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,730 [funky pop music] 516 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,532 * Gonna turn the lights down low * 517 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,534 * It's almost time for the Girlie Show * 518 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,104 * 519 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,872 Ooh, ooh, pull over. Pull over here. 520 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,242 Tracy, I don't have time for this. 521 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:59,646 * 522 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,314 This is where I grew up. 523 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,452 This is the Jordan family estate? 524 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,553 [scoffs] 525 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,321 Wasn't no Jordan family nothin'. 526 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,223 This is where I was in foster care. 527 00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:12,192 Oh. Sorry. 528 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,693 Me and two other dudes 529 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,262 and a girl with messed-up fingers. 530 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,466 I'm so lucky I got out of here. 531 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,236 It's not luck, I mean... 532 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,571 You got out of here 533 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,739 because you're very talented, and... 534 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,176 people love you, and... 535 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,643 Are you peeing? 536 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,748 [upbeat jazzy music] 537 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,849 * 538 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,451 Where's Donaghy? 539 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:39,752 I wanna talk to him right now. 540 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,788 Last time I saw him, he was riding a crane camera. 541 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,192 Oh, I have Pete for you. 542 00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,693 Pete, oh, my God. I didn't know. 543 00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:47,860 No, hey, listen. 544 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,162 It'll--it'll give me a chance 545 00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,497 to spend more time with my kids. 546 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,731 I'm quitting. I'm quitting right now. 547 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:52,799 No, no, no, no, no. 548 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,334 You have the best job in New York. 549 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,436 Don't quit over this. Don't buy all the hot dogs. 550 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,504 Okay? 551 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,372 I don't want to do this without you. 552 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,841 Hey, I thought we cut the Cat Lady sketch. 553 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,813 We're two minutes short! 554 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,681 [meowing] 555 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,350 [Jenna as Cat Lady] So, let me introduce myself. 556 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,652 My name is Lurleen Katz. 557 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,922 And these are my cats. 558 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,657 She's using a real cat? 559 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,659 I cast that cat myself. 560 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,394 And sir, while they are my-- [hissing] 561 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:22,495 Ow! 562 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,931 [cat howling] 563 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,633 Aaugh! 564 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,800 [thump] [audience boos] 565 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,802 No, no, no, no, no. He's okay. 566 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,204 [hissing] 567 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,872 I need you to talk for two minutes. 568 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,341 About what? 569 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:35,442 Anything. 570 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,678 All right. 571 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,313 These cats are more than just pets, sir. 572 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,415 Why, just this morning-- Excuse me! 573 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:43,883 Where is the manager? 574 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,718 I'm from the government, and I'm here 575 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,887 to inspect your chicken nuggets. 576 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,789 [enthusiastic cheers] 577 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,225 [laughing] 578 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,561 Uh-oh. Look at Shorty. 579 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,897 This honky grandma be trippin'. 580 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,800 [laughter and applause] 581 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,535 What's up, America? 582 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,405 I'm coming into your house live. 583 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:08,241 Lemme hear you say "We love you, Tracy." 584 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,410 (audience) We love you, Tracy! 585 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,246 I am the third heat! 586 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,814 [cheers and applause] 587 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,783 Yeah! 588 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:17,950 That was pretty good. 589 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:21,354 [cheers and applause] 590 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,557 Are you drunk? 591 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,958 Yes. 592 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,894 Why did you fire Pete? 593 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,496 Why did you disappear all night? 594 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,830 Is this some kind of a power play? 595 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:31,798 Yeah, yeah. 596 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,400 It's not so fun being "hands on" 597 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,634 with these bloodsuckers, is it? 598 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,868 Could we talk about this on Monday? 599 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,271 No. I want Pete back. 600 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,807 I want it in writing that Jenna's job is safe, 601 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,376 and I want a cappuccino machine 602 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,477 for the writers' room. 603 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,379 Fine. 604 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,947 I thought you were going to quit. 605 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,016 Yeah, well, you don't know everything about me. 606 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,619 You weigh 127 pounds. 607 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:56,823 Yeah. 608 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,297 [big band music] 609 00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:05,598 (Jenna) Thank you, good night. 610 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:06,866 Sleep tight. 611 00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:07,834 Hey. 612 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,503 You will be hearing from Peanut's lawyer. 613 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,673 Good night, sleep tight. 614 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,076 I can't wait to do this with you every week. 615 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,312 Captioning by Courtney at CaptionMax www.captionmax.com